Top Gear Top Tips Compilation

[Applause] the impact that i had there was pretty severe uh my ankle burst where the clutch pedal went through it my head was dislodged from the spine and really we've ended up with a top gear top tip uh if you are a lorist and you are going to have an accident there's a choice of something to hit avoid anything with bricks in it yeah always swerve and go for the big pile of mineral water yes that's a safer bet anyway look but the winner with an incredible five miles to the gallon is the audi r8 so here's a top gear top tip if you've been affected by the fuel crisis this is the supercar to buy [Applause] the time is 129.6 so top gear top tip uh if you want a slow car that looks like a golf get a golf it's tough this is the one then this is the winner that's it that's the very one so this this really is a top gear top tip let's be honest because if you're going to uh play conquest with your caravan which is better than hitching it up to the back of the car and getting in everyone's way let's be honest um this is the one to go for what is it this is an abbey gt for berth yes with separate shower okay okay there you have it here's a top gear top tip rent one of these 35 quid a day someone you don't like very much cut their car in half no which was that a very very large pickup turned up full of heavily armed and very burly men told us to get off their street yes so really we do have two top gear top tips for you tonight one yes you can buy rather than rent and two don't go to america [Music] one of the top five worst cars i've ever driven volkswagen golf gt yeah no seriously it's got a supercharged and a turbocharged engine which is as smooth as falling downstairs while wearing leg calipers just work harder and buy the golf gti there's a top gear top tip good advice use minis actually fetching more on the secondhand market than they cost to buy new so which model to buy well let me give you a top gear top tip buy the cheapest one it has exactly the same single overhead camshaft 1.6 liter engine as the cooper the only difference is a little tiny chip in the onboard computer so you buy the cheap car you save 1300 quid and then you change the chip that'll cost you 385 pounds so there you are people at bidford unhaven in just under one day your road is open glad to be in a service [Applause] if we can do that if we can do that they should be able to do that really we do have some top gear top tips here for the construction industry work fast eat blackberries get a hundred trucks not five yeah and fit that paving machine thing with the turbocharger yeah don't let him drive it no don't do that anyway you're looking a bit smug but i don't think you run out of petrol did you no what actually happened was a complete and catastrophic failure of all the engine electrics all of them have gone yep so therefore this is this is useless as useless as our cars absolutely but no matter we did end up with a top gear top tip okay yes you can buy a supercar for less than ten thousand pounds but for the love of god don't astra convertible from vauxhall they say it's been built from the ground up as a convertible how do you design it from not the ground up if you start from the top you might start here and then it would be too low you'd never get it here if you're designing a car here's a tip always start from the bottom that's the top gear don't start too near the left hand side of the paper otherwise i think you'll end up with a really ugly back i think how much is it 17 000 pounds goes on sale in spring [Music] [Applause] really a top gear top tip there i think you'll find if you're planning on uh jumping a party any party don't use a stretched lincoln yeah that's good good useful advice yeah there is one thing i have to say though about the monaro it does have a very cheap feel inside just like the cadillac but that's because this is cheap i mean they've just lowered the price now to 29 000 pounds 29 000 for a v8 muscle car it's just such good value 16 000 pounds less than that i know i know remarkable uh so really we've got another top gear top tip if you want a cadillac buy a vauxhall no i would have the new vw passat drove this recently it's a good car to drive slightly more expensive than that but not by much and it's got a quality feel like girl behind you taller than you she is taller than me i'm aware she's i haven't even turned around i know she's talking she's also she's come out in a nightie which is quite yeah i'm wearing my pajamas don't be embarrassed anyway a top gear top tip there if you want the best car in the class you buy the bmw 3 series if you want to be perceived as a human being get one of those but i've always wanted to drive a rolls into a swimming pool but you ruined it you ruined the pool you ruined their day i also ruined my suits yes probably it's about this big now oh can i borrow that yeah we can salvage something entirely wasted day yeah no what we have got here though is actually a very good top gear top tip which is if you want us to open something ring alan titchmarsh yeah that's a good point welcome the fool i'm the nitwit here good good good good we do arrive at a top gear top tip out of all of this which is that if you only have 1500 pounds to spend on your coupe buy japanese doesn't matter what it is but go japanese and then crucially leave it alone so they've built it to compete with the fiat bravo and the toyota star both of which are cars that aren't built anymore so they're competing with cars that were i was confident of winning this competition i was just if you see what that was coming wrong oh absolutely awful are they going to be sold in britain well certainly in bits of europe that costs about three grand all of which you will lose the moment you take the whole yeah worthless top gear top tip a void but it is beautiful and do you know what he said as i got out the car do you want to go get a pint oh goodness good believe it [Applause] so here we are we uh if you live in greenwich and you work in buckingham palace and you're looking for a new way of getting to work run there was a serious message in there really a very serious health and safety message if you're an ice cream van driver you see some bouncy castles for heaven's sake get out of your van before jumping on them no absolutely if you stay in there is a very real danger that you could be seriously killed to death top gear top tip there anyway we must so were you killed to death then no i wasn't but i did prove that if you do live in i don't know that thunderstorm valley in oklahoma and you crash into a substation in your car everything's going to be fine good another top gear top tip there very useful let's do the cool wall shall we yeah i think honestly we have to be magnanimous here because only one of the cars has actually made it unmodified so that brings us on to a top gear top tip um if people of surrey you want to replace your bmw x5 with something that's brilliant off-road uh simple simple inexpensive easy to maintain surprisingly comfortable absolutely um then you've got to get yourself a volkswagen beetle what it's true nebby's right it's true that's right they've been you've replaced all the electrics in there now they're not selling them off at three years they might be keeping them for four years or five years that means that usual supply of three-year-old mainstream cars has dried up short supply firmer prices the top gear top tip if you want something like that don't buy it now but if anybody here has got a three year old toyota rav4 they want to get rid of i know a bloke will uh have your arm off time to sell it is now good okay what else sports cars now you'd expect us to say on top gear it's coming up to summer don't go and buy a convertible sports car because everybody else wants one the prices go up here's a top gear top tip it's not true my brother this weekend burnt his finger on a hot kibab skewer at a barbecue and well he had the same system on his computer locked him out of his laptop put his finger on it didn't recognize it all burnt couldn't get in so if it had an audi a8 well it had been locked out well there's another top gear top tip right there if you've got a kitchen put your food in there particularly for australian don't do it over coal in the garden yes but he's right actually this is a very very straightforward lifestyle choice i think you either embrace the modern world and the rda8 or you live like a medieval with the roof done i now had to sort the bonnet here's a tip should you ever roll your your coupe stylish and need to straighten the dent out like that here's what you do that's not yeah oh no i'm not the thing is jeremy you are uber mail you know and paris is uber female and i think that you're both the you're the two sides of the same coin actually well i don't put pictures of myself naked on the internet that's one thing maybe i'll give it a whirl you know or actually neither did she to her credit if someone else did it here's a tip paris if you're watching have sex without a camera liquid nitrous oxide yeah and that's got all the oxygen in it yeah yeah and in the bottom end fuel which is rubber don't here's a tip please i'm a doctor of engineering twice if you put if you use rubber as fuel you're not going to go as far as if you use like petrol or dynamite hey jeremy as i'm sure you know you can't really have fun on the roads anymore you know there are too many speed cameras there's a civil servant in a van in every bush so we've got a tip don't buy a ferrari buy a field and it's raining yes now you see that was a bad plan here's a tip if you've got a ferrari 612 don't take your wipers up because you're gonna break them oh my come on that is how you test the vehicle here's a tip change gear before you get to a corner the lamb sadly is overcooked so two thousand revs for two hours is far too long that's the problem you see we cooked it on a four-speed car here's a tip if you're cooking lamb make sure it's five-speed preferably six-speed okay what's the top speed of that thing james you reckon what 90 miles an hour well here is a top tip for hollywood heroes if you're being chased by a car which is slower than the car you're in simply drive faster than it hey now we've got some important consumer news for everybody um when you go into a car showroom now the salesman will try to sell you lots of electronic bits and bobs for your car here's our top gear top tip don't bother with any of them because they don't work any of them bluetooth blasters bluetooth never works it doesn't hammond uses it and it's like he's sitting at the bottom of a river to be fair sometimes i am we need to stop it okay we need to stop it because the advantages are huge because if you get rid of magpies you have more songbirds so the air sounds nicer you know you've got tits and what kind of states you've got sparrows and all that sort of thing and that'll be brilliant plus we don't have to do that and that'll make the roads safer so there we are top gear top tip kill all magpies and kill them now i had to you know i had to drive down the street and back and that's the window down he had the reggae on it was like that's the test in the virgin islands exactly so there's a top tip for anybody who's finding it to struggle to get a driving license here pop over there so one thing i've learned is that the premiums for 17 year old girls are half what they are for 17 year old boys seriously half the money well there's a top gear top tip right there if you're a 17 year old boy you need car insurance slice your penis off i would have done i did yeah i nearly did i should say so i just that explains a great man we put the bmw around it did it in one 25.3 look at that that's the same as a convertible lamborghini gallardo so really we've got a top gear top tip here um if you are an employer and you take someone on who has a lexus he'll be late for work and he'll be a dork when he gets there i've been driving around the summit all over britain by motorways farmers are putting lorries in their fields and then selling the side of them to like local companies yeah here's a tip if you are one of these local companies keep it brief because i saw one the other day that said what do you use jag go to www i want to use jag.co.tv or call debbie on oh one tune up for i'm going 70 miles an hour whoa i never saw it what was it all about they really are farmers not copywriters aren't they that's not absolutely yeah it wants to be sort of used next left no that's too many words keep it tight okay jags left no no i was in that porsche we know saabs are driven by architects yeah we know audis are driven by people who play golf we know land rover discoveries are driven by murderers what i'm going to have to put you up on that because i think you'll find murderers drive a renault espace well kenneth noy who was a murderer he had a land rover discovery so he may have done but harold shipman drove a renault espace fred west drove a renault espace peter sutcliffe drove a renault 16. was only because his pass hadn't been invented exactly this is a top gear top tip if you're a policeman and there's been a murder in your area simply arrest anyone who has a practical reno that's fascinating i think that's very interesting anyway there is one problem with this fuel saving car though it uses quite a lot of fuel yes it does yes it does can't argue with that we did a test last week we left the uh track here went back to london so you've got a bit of country road put a dual carriageway bit of city driving and it averaged 38 miles to the gallon um we did the same route in a volkswagen polo blue motion and that did 50 miles to the gallon so that's there you are we have a top gear top tip if you want to buy a car to save fuel buy this one and don't save any i know but you won't save anything but you will have an enormous amount of fun not saving any money that's fine by me oh now uh are there any girls here well good don't ever faint in holland that would be my top gear top tip for the night we've got some footage here explains what i'm on about start of a race there's the grid girl oh she's got a bit wobbly and she's fainted there you go so you're thinking poor girl yeah you're thinking oh no now she's lying on the track so as we can see men in high visibility jackets have come over to make sure she's okay or are they making sure she's okay how do you make oh put your hand on that bottom that's the ticket now let's hear what the driver's got to say check my out of here that's a racing driver isn't it all over you really should bear in mind when you're driving particularly petrol whatever it is five pounds yeah 68 a gallon okay is every time you press the brake pedal you are turning your money into heat pointless heat you're heating your wheel arches which is absolute waste of time so if you just think okay what i'm going to do is i'm going to lift my foot off accelerator keep the car in gear and if it's a modern car okay as you slow down for the roundabout the traffic lights whatever it might be you're not using any fuel at all top gear top tip braking is actually the worst thing you can do actually i'd like to modify that sometimes it's the best thing you can do yes for example if a pram rolls out in front of the car don't think well this is going to cost me the car well if a prem rolls out stop but then send the mother the invoice i don't know if you saw in the papers uh this week a woman had a baby while she was on her way to hospital in a care okay now they've called the baby kier yeah could have been worse it could have been proton because these people called their baby kia kia the people who make the cars have actually given them a kia car yeah we've got a picture of the handover i think there you go look now this brings us on to a very important top gear top tip if you're on your way to hospital in labor and you're in a care for god's sake get out let the child be chris and skip bus stop phone box anything just get out i christened this child doorway of curry's because at least that way you'd get a free microwave and not a hideous car like that but i reckon this whole story and baby care here it could spark a whole load of copycats couldn't it because a load of dads waiting until the very last minute on the due date and then secretly hiring a lamborghini merchant lager and driving really slowly to the hospital you're right darling you can hang on what are you called pagani zonda with the optional ceramic brake package now i think we have got a verdict because the three cars we took to iceland all started out as coupes and then had the roofs cut off to make them convertibles those three were all designed to be two-seater from the start exactly so although we can't agree on which car we'd have we can give you a top gear top tip and that's if you want a two-seater convertible buy one that was designed to be a two-seater convertible yes and on that bombshell it's time to end thank you very much for watching see you again next week good night

Channel: Mustang150

Views: 332,070

Keywords: top, gear, the, grand, the, Jeremy, Clarkson, Richard, Hammond, James, may, top, tip, tips, suggestions, help, ideas, summary, if, you, compilation, funny, moments, montage, slice, car, buying, advice, buy, consumer, customer, advice, advices, verdict, verdicts, helpful, suggest, fuel, crisis, audi, r8, vw, golf, w12, Ice, cream, driver

Id: A6OIDmehJYA

Length: 19min 40sec (1180 seconds)

Published: Sun Aug 15 2021