Top 5x Fluffy and Frankie Moments

i look forward to problems i like problems because if there's problems frankie and i can work on it together to find a solution right and i see that as a great form of bonding now don't get me wrong you guys sometimes it's expensive yeah you're laughing let me tell you like one time they took his iphone from school and he comes home and he's all devastated right he's like dad dad i gotta talk to you i'm like what tell me what they stole my phone i'm like that's why you're talking and i started laughing it goes it's not funny i go you have no idea how funny it is i go so what happened frankie so they broke into my locker at school and they took my iphone they took my friend's iphone and if we go to the school right now we can fill out a report we know exactly who did it can we go to the school right now i go listen frankie i'd love to but i'm really really tired i just got off a flight and i guess you know i'm really really tired i promise you tomorrow morning i'll take you early i'll help you fill out the report and we'll turn it in can we go right now i go frankie seriously i'm just please tomorrow i need my phone i go listen frank you can handle one day without your phone he's not getting his way so he turns around and he yells at the ground and he goes they took my vote i looked at him and said hey you took my freedom you don't hear me screaming i just accept it and process it and we move on that's it so then he asked what's gonna happen i go well i'm gonna go upstairs take a shower and probably go to bed no what's what's gonna happen if i don't get my phone back i go that's a good question frankie i don't know you're not gonna get me a new one no dude i already got you a phone it was your responsibility to take care of that phone it's not fair i go on life's not fair frankie okay but things happen you should get me a phone dude seriously and then he looks at me and he says and this kind of mess with me he goes you should give me a phone it's nothing for you to get me a new phone it's nothing for you to get me a new phone bay area my son thinks that what i do is easy he thinks it's easy because all he sees when he attends one or two shows per year is that i walk out on stage you guys start chanting and then cool magically appears in his room he doesn't realize that this is actually a job and there's sacrifice that comes along with it so i told him i said listen frankie how about this how about you explain to me why i should get you a new phone and if it makes sense i'll do it right now go i need one i said no frankie you're a teenager you don't need a phone a cell phone for a teenager isn't a necessity it's a luxury okay it's not a necessity it's a luxury [Applause] he says what if there's an emergency i go like what someone taking your phone what did you do today when they took your phone i went to the oh i went to the cafeteria and i talked to my friend angel and he let me use his phone and i called my mom and i going guess what if that doesn't work you can go to the office and let them know there's a family emergency please contact my mom or my dad next what if you need to get a hold of me i know what school you go to what about when i'm walking home i know the route that you take and then he pulled this one out one of the greatest lines ever you know what you talk a lot about me on tv people know who i am now what if someone tries to kidnap me i said you weigh 225. good luck they are not kidnapping your ass without an iphone and a box of oreos that's the only way that's gonna happen i said frankie do you realize how lucky you are you had a phone i didn't have a phone in school your mom didn't have a phone in school if we needed to make a phone call we had to carry change or we had to call collect what's that oh my god trying to explain the concept of a collect call to my kid it's like trying to explain rocket science he'll never have to deal with it he'll never know what it's like to be out late somewhere and have to use a phone first of all to find a pay phone if you see a pay phone now you look at it like oh wow they forgot to take it down get your camera take a picture because that shit's gone take a picture he'll never know about staying out late at night and having to use one of those nasty phones and taking off that receiver you know the nasty one that has gum and gonorrhea all over right and you gotta keep it far away from your face so you don't get infected and then you make that phone call you know that freaking when you make a collect call back in the day it was expensive he's not gonna have to do that now back in the day if you made a collect call it was a mission it was a mission and it was expensive if you called my mom collect it better have been life or death or that's what it was gonna be you called my mom back in the dance show we were on welfare and section eight every penny counted you call her up [Music] hello and then she get the presentation a tnt do you accept a collect call from caller at the tone say only your name you had to get creative mom it's me pick me up and send a little six for her everybody do you accept the charges hell no i'm on my way miko i go frankie whatever you want to do let's do it people can we go to an arcade arcade dude you have a nintendo wii at your house and then i had a flashback to 20 years ago you have a nintendo at home i'm like oh my god i'm turning into my mom come on dude let's go i take him to this big old freaking arcade right and i felt so out of it because i didn't know you couldn't put money in the machines anymore i'm mad i remember quarters i'm thinking here five bucks and he's like looking at me like what go play and he's like he came right back all done i'm like dude i didn't know this you have to go to another machine put in money and then it gives you a card and then you swipe that card to play video games and the game he wants to play doesn't cost the quarter it costs three dollars a game big old machine called dance dance revolution some of you know this game yeah maybe sort of for those of you that don't know the game it's pretty simple it's a dancing game and there's a big screen and then arrows come out to music and whatever arrow comes out that's the arrow you have to step on when it comes out kind of cool but all the music is techno and it's loud i know i'm getting older because i'm like they gotta turn that down dance dance revolution revolution get ready and the kids are like i'm ready select music and that's what they dance to ready go [Music] [Applause] [Music] perfect and the kid's like wow and i'm like i love this game but they need to have something that's more fluffy friendly so the fluffy people and parents can hang and enjoy we're watching this game for over an hour i told frankie let's go play another game and then we'll come back where the line goes down the line never goes down great so i'm watching kid after kid after kid you know serious how much is it it's three dollars a dance three dollars a dance and then i thought about it well i paid 22 nights ago so i guess three dollars isn't that bad now that i think about it some of you are clapping some are like i don't get it yeah whatever anyway so kid after kid then i found something out you can always spot that one kid who you just know is gonna grow up to be a little bit more creative than others by the way he plays the game and all the other little kids they know something's up they're like you gotta watch when benji plays you gotta watch watch sure enough here comes benji right dance dance revolution get ready i'm so ready [Applause] oh it's on select music [Music] ready go this dude took off [Music] i know frankie's like i'm next i go you can't follow that you better come over here and play some street fighter man let me show you how to throw a fire bucket and that's another thing that's changed you guys my son frankie is now 18 years old and one week away from graduation you guys are clapping but he's not leaving i've already asked him i said frankie what do you want to do with your life have you thought about college just now i'm like frankie you do realize that all you need to do is get accepted i tell a lot of jokes i will pay for your entire college education no matter where you want to go as long as you get accepted what do you think about that um i say you know if you want to go to school in california we'll make it happen you want to go to school out of state we'll make it happen i said hell i'll even do one of those international programs you know the ones where you give them one of your children and then they give you one of their children what does it call when you kids swap thank you sorry that's right exchange some of you are like that's called human trafficking different programs i would love to do uh an exchange program with my son but don't give me a regular kid if i'm gonna do an exchange program give me a kid from like a hardcore third world country so that he appreciates all the basic things most american children take for granted that's why i say give me little tombutu give me tombutu i would love tombutu and tombutu would love me mr fluffy yes tomboto i was wondering what time do we go to sleep you go to sleep whenever you like this is your room we sleep next door all of this is for tombutu yes all of this is for tombutu in my village two families sleep in an area this big well here in america one big ass mexican kid sleeps right here in jack and then i would take him to like ihop or denny's and let him order whatever he wants and just watch him lose it you know this is the thanksgiving i heard of thank you mr fluffy thank you if there is anything tombutu can do for you please tell me anything can you help me take out the trash for you i will eat the trash meanwhile my son's on the other side of the world on top of an elephant trying to get wifi he's at the point now of spoiled where he walks up to me and he goes dad i'm really bored with my nintendo wii can i give it to my friend angel i go what did you just say i'm bored with my nintendo wii can i give it away i go is it broken no how long have you had it for like four years i go how many games do you have for the nintendo wii like 300 i could feel you judging me over there i felt that oh you're freaking you're judging me right now i can feel it she's over there she's like this is some dr phil right here he really messed him up i heard you let me just for the record let me set this straight okay i did not buy my son 300 games here's what happened i have a friend who's a computer hacker and for 75 bucks he put 300 games on my son's hard drive yes i have money but i'm still ghetto oh yeah so i tell frankie do you realize how lucky you are and then he rolls his eyes oh lucky i go yeah dude you are i says you got a nintendo wii that works you've had it for four years and it still works if something happens to it i can take it back to the store get you a new one because i got a warranty that'll last you another four years why is that a big deal because when i was your age i had a nintendo wii no frankie in 1987 i had a thing called a nintendo entertainment system okay nintendo entertainment system it didn't last four years it lasts 90 days 90 days is what it took for you to hit power and start seeing a flashing red screen you know the flashy red screen where you have to look at the ground or look away or you have a seizure right then in there oh yeah and then what you had to do is you had to flip the nintendo over and there was a silver sticker a silver sticker with an 800 number on it and you call the 800 number and they put you in contact with someone in japan who made you feel like a pendejo oh yeah he made you feel stupid you call him up and he's like eat the costa 250 to repair nintendo 250 to fix it but it's 150 for a brand new one and if you couldn't afford 150 for a brand new one like we couldn't afford 150 for a brand new one you had to become a technician at the age of seven eight nine ten eleven you had to go in the kitchen and find the most messed up butter knife you could right the one that had bed marks and rust stains and take that sucker back in the living room because you were gonna perform an operation you were going to perform an operation and bring that nintendo back to life you had to work to play you had to unplug it plug it back in power reset power reset power reset it was like performing cpr you'd hold a cartridge and then it was like you push it down you push it up you push it down you push it up push it down you push it up push it down you push it up give it oxygen i found out that you don't have to yell at a kid to get your point across you definitely don't have to hit one all you really have to do to make sure they never forget the day that they messed up is embarrass them embarrassing a kid is the biggest weapon you can have as a parent that's legal and so much more effective you guys because i'm going to tell you right now between the ages of 10 and 19 it's all about image it's all about do i have the cool shirt the cool hat the cool wristband the cool watch the cool glasses the cool shoes the cool pants they want to fit in so bad you mess with their image at school it's mental it's emotional and depending on what you did it's physical why do you think they make such a big deal about bullying in schools and child abuse amongst each other because when kids turn it's not pretty especially if they have a reason to like finding out that you got dropped off on sunday by your dad because there was a janitor there working who saw the whole thing go down and three days is what it took for word to get out and when those kids found out it was my son the things they said to him were so bad that when he came home he was in tears okay and i'm not gonna let you guys i felt terrible for like a second it was bad though it was i was moved he came in all hard i hope you're happy i hope you're happy all day long people been messing with me it's sunday kid it's sunday kid get him a calendar get him a watch why are you just standing there say something [Applause] put on deodorant and i'm not gonna lie you guys i think deep down he wishes that i would hit him because it would be faster but that's not how i roll oh no and i gotta give credit to his mom you guys his mom allows me to be a dad you know as a step parent it's not easy you can't just come in and run things it takes time if you come into that house and you start trying to yell at people and start trying to no they'll jump all over you you can't be doing that don't don't hey you tell me what he did i'll handle it you don't do anything a few of you are like oh i've been there bro yeah all right next thing you know you're in the corner crying when that kid is supposed to be it's a hazing process in the beginning it's everybody's pushing each other's butts everybody's testing each other is this guy really going to stick around that's what happens and after eight years hey my credit is good so my girl backs me up whenever i make a call she backs me up don't get me wrong if i make a bad call she's gonna call me on okay if i mess up she's gonna point it out she doesn't think that all my ideas are good ones and there's been a few times when i've messed up as a dad like one night i got really really drunk on the road with martin and i don't know what happened i started drunk texting frankie i don't know what it is about me getting drunk for some reason the phone just and my girl found out about it and when i got home i knew something was up because she called me by my first name and we haven't used first names in years you know since then it's always been pet names you know how it goes you know honey baby sweetie saucias something that kind of just some of you got that gracias anyway i walk in the door and i hear gabriel and i'm like oh i'm in court and here she comes out of the back i understand when you're out there you're going to do what you're going to do you want to get drunk fine get drunk you want to text me while you're drunk fine text me while you're drunk do not ever drunk text my son again how do you know i was drunk really frankie come here bring your phone look at this message that came in at 4 17 a.m put on deodorant that's a nickname you

Channel: Gabriel Iglesias

Views: 2,468,958

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Id: _b9Sri9jmHM

Length: 20min 46sec (1246 seconds)

Published: Thu May 05 2022