Tom Daley | Full Address and Q&A | Oxford Union

[Music] [Music] five right sorry first of all that I'm a little bit late our train did get delayed so I know that you've probably been waiting a little bit but thank you for that now I know lots of you know what it's like to have to go to school hence why you're here and the stress and the anxiety and the constant feeling of lack of time that goes with it now back in 2010 11 and 12 I was studying for my a-levels so I may not have a degree at Oxford which is obviously quite a tough thing to have I struggled with the leap from GCSE II to a level I was finding the hours tough I was finding it hard to train six hours a day six days a week to get to that one moment in London 2012 where I had to perform at my best and each day for me was waking up going to school for two hours then going to train for two and a half hours then eating then going back to school and then going back to training again eating getting my homework in and it felt like this never-ending cycle of stress anxiety and it was just the it was like the worst moment and there was this one day in particular where I was on my way to a maths exam for any of you took maths it was C 1 it was my first module and I was completely terrified and I was in the car with my dad and he could see that I was just quiet didn't really know what to say or to think and he said to me what what's the matter and I remember saying to him why am I doing this I am training for the Olympic Games in front of a home crowd and I'm now on my way to maths exam and more stress and more worried about doing this one thing that I am about my training and I just don't have time for this so why am I doing this and I remember him saying to me like what what is it that you're so worried about what are you thinking right now I remember saying how stressed I was how anxious I was because this was something that was going to really mean something to me and was something that was going to impact my future and then he said well what else do you think when you're at a competition that's impacting your future what this means something to you it gives you stress anxiety and worry and why is it any different an exam to a diving competition and I know that you care about doing your exams and I know that you care about doing your exams but use those exams don't let those exams use you so use them as an opportunity to practice being in stressful and pressurized situations because going into a competition you're going to have pretty stressful and pressurized situations now that was probably the most serious thing that ever came out of my dad's mouth because he was not a serious person well in the in the slightest and I remember my first week actually at secondary school as you all know that feeling of am I going to fit in are people gonna like me am I going to have any friends and it was the Friday of my first week at school and every weekend we'd go down to new key to go to the caravan if there's something that we did with our family every weekend and I was on my way home from school because normally I would meet my parents outside the house and we'd all drive together on this one occasion I remember walking up the hill with my friends and I see our metallic green shiny van at the top of the hill where everybody exits from school and it wasn't just a green van with my dad in it coming to pick me up all of a sudden the automatic door opens up which was a feature that he was pretty proud of and the Vengaboys was blasting at full volume and of course he had a new horn installed a Dixie horn so you can imagine the Dylan it was the most embarrassing moment of my life my friends were laughing and I remember just wanting the ground to just swallow me up because it was you know as you can imagine it your first week at school you managed to get through it unscathed and then you go into that mode when you see a dad there Vengaboys blowing Dixie horn and I just wanted getting into that car so mad at him I was like why would you do that to me why would you embarrass me like that I'm coming home from school we're about to go to the caravan it's already embarrassing that I have to tell them where we go camping every single weekend and now you pick me up with the Vengaboys blaring in a Dixie horn great thanks now I'm not gonna have any friends and I remember sitting in the back of the car pouting the whole way down to nuki and I just got really mad at him I said why are you doing that to me and he'd always just say it's only bit fun in it and it didn't just stop there when we got to nuki a tradition that he did every single weekend Saturday night in the caravan campsite we had a clubhouse and every Saturday was karaoke night and you can only imagine that my dad being my dad decided there would be fun to make a tradition of singing Elvis and not just singing Elvis he would organize with the DJ in the person organizing the karaoke event that he would say Elvis is in the building and then all of a sudden my dad in a white jumpsuit lay around his neck wig boots the whole kit and caboodle walks in and starts to sing Elvis and he doesn't just sing one song he has a whole set organized it's the robbed daily show if he had it his way and I remember after the first song this particular weekend after I had gotten quite mad at him in the car he decides to call me up onto stage and of course I didn't want to be the one I'm not going up on stage no like I'm too cool for that so I was like okay I'm gonna have to go up there I'm gonna have to go out there suck it up and stand next to my dad while he sings a song and he made me sing gave me a microphone and again right afterwards I was like dad why do you have to be so embarrassing all of our family are in the audience and he just made me sing an Elvis song with him and he's dressed up litter his chest was out and everything it was it was it was a lot and he wasn't exactly the slimmest guy either so he had a quite a big belly on him and after that he was always there for me when it came to training to competitions whether it was in the UK or outside of the UK and another thing that he would do they would always embarrass me was going on the train to any competition he was adamant that he had to sit facing the direction of travel and which is fine if you are sitting in the direction of travel but there would be lots of occasions where we being in row 4 would be facing the wrong way and of course he would go up to the person that was sitting there on their laptop working headphones in excuse me do you mind if we like switch seats because I'll be sick and I was like dad you can't just go up to someone and ask someone to switch seats because you're gonna be sick I was embarrassed and I'm far too English to ask anything like that I know I know I know lots of people in here would just be I would rather just sit there be sick of my mouth whatever it was before I asked anyone to move or make a fuss but not my dad he would be fine with doing that and we also used to fly a lot so we would fly from Plymouth to London City or London Gatwick which was a regular flight we would do and they just opened a new flight at the time it was going to Leeds but every single time that we would travel together the only time we travel was to Nationals because travel with me as part of Team GB but he would always no matter what the landing was like he would always clap he's one of those which is which is already embarrassing enough to have a clapper when you land on a plane there's always that one person and it's always him then when the seat belt sign would go off you hear that ding and then he blah okay everybody let's get up let's go stand in the aisles with our bags there's no doors not going to be open for another 15 minutes but let's just stand up anyway and the more that I would get embarrassed the more I'd duck in my seat the more I'd look out my window and the louder he got and again people were laughing and I was so mortified and embarrassed and I remember just wanting to be away from everyone and I knew I was safe when there weren't people around because I knew my dad couldn't embarrass me and he always said to me like what's wrong with it what's wrong with it like people are laughing people having fun like what do you care it's all right they're gonna be thinking about that for the rest of the day and I just could not understand how he can understand how that was the most embarrassing thing that could have actually happened to me and flash forward to May 2011 I was a training camp in America and I got a phone call from my mum and she said to me that I needed to come home and I wasn't exactly sure why I knew my dad was sick at the time but I said well I've got a competition I can't come home now like I'm gonna be competing next week and she said no Tom you need to come home as fast as you can so the long journey all the way home from Mexico seemed to drag and then the journey from London Heathrow all the way down to Plymouth and I remember walking in the front door and seeing my dad on a hospital bed barely conscious and I remember him lifting his fist up and being like whee he's home and for me to see someone in that situation have the spirit that did was already incredible but a couple of weeks later the last memory I have of him after spending hours and hours studying for my theory test in driving I remember just holding his hand as he took his last breaths and his heart stopped he died of a brain tumor in 2011 and it was one of the most difficult things that I'd ever have to experience because you never ever think that you're gonna lose a parent you always feel like they're going to be invincible they're always going to be okay and they're always going to go get better and for me it wasn't just losing my dad it was losing my biggest cheerleader and what was I going to do next but I still had to train and get ready for one of the biggest moments of my life which was the London 2012 Olympic Games and I remember going into that competition as you can imagine the pressure was immense I had pressure from my friends and my family or if it was just expectations or worries or fears about how I was going to deal with it I had people coming up to me if I was going to a coffee shop or in a mall oh you're gonna win a medal this is gonna be great you're gonna go and win a gold or you're gonna win a medal for Team GB and it's going to be great without anyone actually understanding how much training how much effort how much work goes into that one moment the pressure of the media all the strangers that would come up to you in the street seeing myself among some amazing Olympic names up on billboards in like the Westfield Mall in Stratford and I just remember thinking holy crap this is one of the most insane moments that I'm ever going to have to go through and I remember standing on the edge of that diving board and just thinking I understand now I realized what my dad was trying to teach me this whole time being able to be on that board and being able to stand there and deal with any pressure that horn that he blasted at the top of the volume that he could was to teach me to not worry so much about what my friends think that seatbelt sign going off was to not worry so much about what strangers thought of me whether it be strangers in the audience or strangers in the media and the same with singing as Elvis was trying to teach me not to worry so much about all the thoughts and feelings and worries and stresses about what my family were thinking I just had to be the best me in that moment and unburden myself of everyone else's worries stresses fears because they're not going to help you taking away those stresses those fears the expectations the hopes and dreams whatever it may be taking those away from you allows you to excel and it allows you to fly and you know learning standing on the end of that board at that time looking down seeing those Olympic rings I had to really embrace that message I had to stand there be on my own after training for four years six hours a day six days a week for that one moment I had to stand on the end of that board forget what anyone else was doing and just do the best I could and even after my first dive in that Olympic final there was a lot of flash photography and flashes in the audience cause me to blink in the middle of the air and you don't want that to happen in a dive because you lose exactly where you are because you have to keep your eyes open when you're moving around and remember hitting the water and it was the real moment of clarity that I had which was not to worry about what anyone else would think if I asked for a read I've not worried about what anyone else would say afterwards in that moment I had complete clarity on what I needed to do to be the best me without worrying about what anyone else was thinking feeling or doing and in that moment we're going into my last dive I was in contention for the gold medal there was only two points between myself the Chinese diver chuubo and the American diver David Boudia and I remember standing on the edge of the board you can imagine just all the things that were going through my head in that moment I just thought you know what there's so many things that have brought me to this moment so many lessons that I've learned and I just have to give this the best shot the best shot that I can because it is one of those things I'm never gonna get the opportunity to stand on the edge of this board and I'm not going to ever get the opportunity to be in the Olympic final in front of a home crowd ever again so I had to make sure that I wasn't worrying about what anyone else is doing and just do what I could do and at the end of the day I had to be the best me in order to win that Olympic bronze medal I had to be me and not just me but like genuinely me and not other people's thoughts or opinions of what they think I am because at the end of the day the best view is in the fulfillment of other people's expectations of what you are because we already have enough expectations fears worries hopes and dreams on us already we don't need to add anyone else's and I think the real lesson that I learned from my dad and I hope you all learned from my dad really is not worry about what anyone else is thinking and now I'm going to keep saying it but it really does hammer home a message of you already have so much going on in your head and you have so much that you can be worried about stressed out about whether that's on social media whether that's your friends whether that's with school whether that's with things going on with your family and of course we adore our friends and family and yes we have to listen to people's opinions but letting go of them when you're in a particular moment to be able to be the best you sometimes is necessary and the best you at the end of the day is the most original you without anyone else's expectations so I'd like you all to go be the best use that you can be and I'll carry on being the best me that I can be so thank you very much for having me thank you very much oh yeah Tom thank you so much for taking the time to join us you've sort of rush rush from training to be here it's so it's really appreciated appreciated that you've taken the time thank you for having me I mean this is a really cool little space you've got going on here yeah I'm not really little but yeah yeah no yes yeah thank you all for coming in John a lot a couple of things you were you mentioned this a lot about the sort of attention the media attention that you've gone from just being the youngest competitor in LA and and sort of then the the the I that he had for the London Olympics and I wondered whether you thoughts or how that affected you growing up and in hindsight whether you think it came too early or has had a negative effect or whether overall it's been a you've come out fine and the experience has been okay mmm well I quite honestly I don't really know any different because from the age of 10 I had a BBC Horizons documentary follow me and then it was they did this whole series called Olympic dreams where they followed five young athletes all the way through to Beijing 2008 and to beyond like the future Olympians if you like and it was something that I didn't really ever think about because especially with social media as well and when that started coming in when I was about 14 15 it was just something that I never really thought about my friends still treated me exactly the same and I had a really great group around me where I didn't really notice any difference other than occasionally I might get like a free dinner which is quite nice well and picking up on your social media point you are pretty active now on social media you have your YouTube channel yes and something that stood out to me which you said was sort of how you are trying quite hard to present you and not sort of what everyone expects you to acts like yeah is your social media and YouTube in particular that sort of way that your you're achieving that yeah I again I don't think about it I at the end of the day the first thing lots of people do here wake up check Twitter Facebook Instagram your email but when you post a photo or when you post a video especially when it comes to Instagram or Instagram story or whatever it is I don't know how much everyone else thinks about it but if there's something cool that I think it should be posted I'll post it it's not something a matter of like I have to think about a complete strategy of I need to post a photo of this on a certain day and a photo of that it's just as and when I do something cool or take a picture and all that would be good one I'll just post it and I think that's something in this generation that can really just use social media on the date on a day to day basis without really thinking too much about it because I could I often get lots of people like for example journalists might say oh like don't you think you're spending too much time on social media don't you think you're doing too much of this in that and when actually if I didn't have that it would just be really weird because everyone else my age is on Instagram on Facebook checking in with their friends and family that way so if it's not something that I particularly think about and it's something I enjoy as well making youtube videos is something that I've done for a long time now and it gives me a like a separation from diving and because if I just thought about diving all the time I'd go a little bit crazy and having the chance to be able to take the diving world and go into like friends and family world and then have like the space where I can be a bit creative with myself because at the end the day I was training for the Olympic Games in 2012 while I was doing a-levels so as soon as there's a levels weren't there I was kind of like what am I going to do with my spare time and all I ended up doing was thinking about diving so having a little distraction on the side can sometimes be helpful because you have to go out your head sometimes do you think that's sort of that distraction those were sort of when I was thought of your inviting you instead of the how your event would be perceived by all students I actually very much thought that you are on one hand a sports person that on on the other hand a sort of celebrity you should have merged into sort of a mixture of the two and is is that sort of merging is that becoming harder and hard to distinguish whether people were people coming up to you because you've a sport or you coming they coming up to you because you said as an LGBTQ icon or your YouTube videos or yeah I mean it's you get different people like coming up to you and talking about different things and I think the main thing is that people are nice and they come up to you and say hello but really again it's not something that I think about diving is my number one priority diving is the one thing that I want to do the best at all the time so everything else is secondary to that but again I don't really think about the time when if I'm going to an event that I'm not a diver it's just I get cool like sometimes go to events because I get invited like for example if like you get invited to Star Wars premiere you're not gonna be like no thank you you're gonna be like that so it's just like little things like that like you don't really I mean yeah it's just something that I've never thought about the celebrity side of it it's just I do my diving and sometimes get invited to cool stuff it's the way I think about it that sounds good yeah well just for the guys to sort of you're you're balancing of schoolwork you're saying and alo was in particular and and the diving world and that sort of celebrity icon that you sort of emerged into did and you said how has loyal you your group of friends were to begin with have you ever felt that they are you should have are stuck with them because that they are who you knew before and therefore it's quite hard to sort of like allow someone else into that circle because they've only known you posts to do oh yeah completely I mean it is a little bit weird sometimes to have people that have only known me since I've like gone Olympics and done all that kind of stuff but at the same time it's pretty you know you can't limit yourself to just the same friends that you've had for your whole life because you know things change and my friends are great and I you know love them to bits but then at the same time if you meet new people then you meet new people and I think you can be you just have to judge character in a way that you hope that they're not out to for reasons other than just to like hang out dear friends so I think you know again that's something hard and that you can't really think Oh because if you over complicate things like that and you think too much about all did they say that because they know that I can like that all I really need to put new pair of trainers i they saying that because they need a new pair trainers or they want me to get them a new pair of trainers like someone said that to you well no well actually yeah because I mean it does happen sometimes mainly because I you know I've had a sponsorship without it uh since 2008 so occasionally there will be times where you know I've worn my trainers and I can't really wear them anymore because they're falling apart but my friends will still have them well on a later point I think you really need a new a tea desk it's okay go yeah I'm your guy I'm your guy what moving on to sort of focusing on your sporting career since the 2000 Olympics there has been a sort of surge in in momentum behind certain people get involved with sports sort of on the side of that there has been such significant cuts towards funding in the UK how do you think that we can ensure that the like development among young people continues despite this sort of undergoing list this constant financial pressure that's being put on it's really tough actually because obviously London 2012 one of the most successful Olympic Games and then Rio we managed to top that again but that's because of all the investment and the funding that was that enabled us to be the best that we could be in London 2012 and then obviously the residual you know athletes and the capacities that carried on manage to go to 2016 and they managed to do really well also so it is really tough to you know maintain a good level of sport and get new talent if the funding is going down and down because if the fundings going down and technology is not available even things as simple as psychology nutrition strength and conditioning all those things need to be available to young people in order to for them to be able to be the best you know best diver best track and field athlete whatever it may be you need those resources and if they're gradually being taken away then you can't expect the results to keep going like this because without you know the funding to help you know give everyone the chance to be able to do it then how are you going to be able to narrow it down to the three elite let's say that come out of each sport do you think that momentum of success from London and Rio will continues 2020 what do you think it is then the decline because of this sort of I mean the funding is kind of plateaued a little bit it's not like it's gone completely crash down but I don't think that will be well I don't think we'll increase in in medal tally especially because when you think about it if you've got someone that did really well in London 2012 we're really well in 2016 if they retire it's not like all the fundings gone into those particular high-end Olympic champions Olympic medalists whatever it may be but what about the people that are going to be following them those are the ones that need the support as well because at some point even the top guy is going to get injured or the top guy is gonna retire and if you haven't given enough support and resources to the people behind that you can't expect them to all of a sudden take their place and win the same gold medal that their teammate did previously before for you just sort of focusing back onto your career how is training for 2020 going oh it's it's going and it's I mean it's is tough I'd like to be able to get up every morning and I mean I'm not oh you I remember being the youngest person on the team and I'm now like the oldest on the team so I am the granddad of the team now and it's really tough because I've been up on ten meters since I was ten years old and most people don't go up there until they're about 1617 so I've already added like six years seven years to my actual rate some like my diving age is like thirty which is quite like quite old now but it's one of those things I think you just have to train as much as you can and one thing that I've changed from like 2012 to 2016 in 2016 to 2020 is that this cycle I have to train smart I can't just go and train as many hours and as many reps and as many dives as I was doing before because I'll break down the most important thing is getting to 20/20 in the most robust and injury-free state that I can because if I can be there injury-free then I can you know give myself the best shot at doing the best I can great I think now will be good time to open up to the audience if you're happy with that so you have a question raise your hand nice and high and wait till the microphone comes to you yeah let's start with you in the front hi thinking so I was thinking you were talking about you know you post things on on social media without really thinking about it and I was thinking about when you came out which I remember was sort of headline news when you did it and I think you did that through a YouTube video yeah so so dream is that the same sort of thing where you just thought I'm gonna do this now or were you you know did you put yeah yeah was that for you I mean I think I think it's actually four years ago on Saturday randomly that I came out and you do not that remember well the reason I remember actually the reason I remember was because I was gonna post it on the first of December but it was I can't remember what day it was I think it was World AIDS Day which so I couldn't put it out on that day so I put it out on the 2nd of December anyway this is going off-topic yes the whole reason behind me coming out I mean it's not something that anyone should have to do it's not something that anyone really needs to care all that much about and I mean it's at the end of the day it's you know what's the difference between I know you all know this so I like it what's the difference between a guy and a girl girl and girl going a guy but the reason that I actually came out and in such a public way was because a couple of months prior I had an interview with a journalist and they are so what do you think about the fact that you've got such a big gay following and I was like I mean you know it's cool I cool like and then they're like also what jeez so why do you think that is I said well I do spend you know 95 percent of my time walking around in the skimpiest little budgie smugglers so so maybe that was why and then and then I remember her saying and what do you think of the people that think you're gay and I was saying well what does it matter you know it doesn't really change anything I'm just gonna carry on dive it like and just kind of like avoided the subject didn't really want to talk about it but it's kind of a bit like you know so what what's that what's the big deal anyway the next day there's the big hope the headline it's like Tom Daley I am not gay so I was like right okay that and that made me mad it made me it was something that I didn't discuss it didn't say and it was something that you know it's all like whatever if someone asked ever if ever anyone asked me now do you have a girlfriend I'd be like no I don't I know it wasn't something like no I don't but I'm gay it was a bit of like no I don't you know and just talking about diving so I really felt like I didn't want people to think of me as someone that was lying or someone that was trying to hide Who I am because I wasn't ashamed of who I was all my friends and all my family knew about Lance and so I decided just one day to sit away I mean I talked with my team at the time who were a bit like what you want to say something you wanted like you can't II don't know really like you sure and there were those are these different ideas of ways of doing it like you know going on it like you see people that have gone on to TV shows they've done an interview they've done a magazine whatever it may be and at the end of the day the way that I communicate with most of the people that follow me anyway was on social media whether that be Twitter Facebook Instagram or YouTube so I decided to do a YouTube video just went in my room got my phone and started talking to the camera as if I was talking to my best friend Sophie he was actually the first person that I told about Lance and I just remember relaying that conversation and just speaking to a camera and saying exactly what I wanted to say without anyone twisting my words and I think to be able to do that and be able to have it on your own terms with something that's really powerful about social media is that you can say what you want to say without having anyone interfere or twist what you're trying to say so I mean it was the most terrifying thing ever to do it because I was like are people gonna just all of a sudden be like oh my god we need to burn Tom daily or like because I mean it's one of it like it's tough enough being able to tell your parents or being able to tell your friends but to have to do it on such a public platform was pretty terrifying but I mean it's the one way that you can you know help shape things if I had people come up to me actually there was I think it was about five days later I flew out to Houston for a training camp and my coach was with me and I remember this old lady in a wheelchair came up to me was that Oh Tom I saw your video I just want to thank you so much because because of your video my son was able to tell me that he was gay and I was all that's really sweet and then she was like yeah he does have four kids and two grandchildren but at least he was people to tell me and but I mean it's little things like that where I was like wow it's I guess a lot of people have seen it but but yeah again it was something that I didn't really think about doing is that I just felt like it was necessary about you know there's lots of people that I didn't want anyone to think that I was ashamed of who I was because I'm most certainly not we had a similar conversation a few weeks ago when Sir Ian McKellen oh yeah and he was talking about his sort of activism and something that I thought was quite interesting when we're discussing that was sort of how he was very much saying to everyone oh if you're gay but you haven't come out yet don't worry you won't be discriminated against and the point was made actually the fear is now no longer being discriminated against coming out it's more the fear of of being the opposite to what everyone has expected you or seen you as up to that point so if you spent 16 years everyone assuming you're straight and then suddenly you're being like oh I'm gay you don't want people to be like you were just lying and you being like weird yeah exactly and I don't know ever I just was wondered whether that was sort of because you said oh mmm if I came out with people like Byrne Tom yeah I worried discrimination or was it then I was a of discrimination I think even in four years it's changed a lot the whole thought of you know the LGBT community the fact that I don't believe back then that we even had to get at like equal marriage in the UK let alone in and then the merit of the air would have been just it would have been it right around yeah right Larry yes it was your video yeah yeah but no the I think there's still in lots of places obviously discrimination for the LGBT community and it can be really scary of what you like I mean there's even still in places like America people can still lose their job for being gay and we kicked out of their homes because of it so it doesn't it's there's still a lot of like progress that needs to be made but at the same time at the end of the day it's up to us the younger generation to shape that it's not we can't just sit back and hope that someone else is going to do something about it and we're not gonna do that on our own either it's not just going to be LGBT people that are going to help change LGBT people's lives like Lance my husband always says in his speeches that it's all about building bridges to other social justice movements because you have to be able to have those allies and we have to go and help people in the black lives matter alleys we have to help people in the the women's marches like we have to be there for so many different other other different social justice movements for us to be able to have the power to be able together to be able to actually change anything to for the better cool just wanted to flesh that out yeah thank you yeah let's go through you at the back yeah you it's called Christmas jumper as a competitor you're constantly surrounded by people who are trying to be better than you then sometimes they're not and sometimes they are so how do you balance the feeling of kind of envy and jealousy against the admiration of wanting to be more like them yeah I can imagine in lots of different sports it can be slightly different but in diving it's not like a sport like tennis where for example if someone does a particular shot you have to adjust to that person's movement and you're like one against one whereas we're diving you're on your own and no matter what anyone else does it doesn't affect what you're doing so it's about there isn't as much envy like that kind of stuff within diving but I do sometimes get very annoyed at the Chinese divers because they seem to always win everything but all you can do with in particular with diving is do the best that you can do and the results look after themselves because it's not again like tennis or I didn't know some other sport where it's one-on-one whether that's Taekwondo or whatever it is you have a rivalry right in front of you of that one person at that time whereas with diving it's just you and you're competing against that say maybe up to 50 people but no matter what they do that doesn't affect what you're doing so I think it really does depend in which context that happens really great yeah let's come to you hi I was wondering in the diving world did you experience that many people's attitudes changed after you came out publicly I mean diving's are pretty gay sport really I mean no I mean funnily enough there aren't that many gay divers but there are like because I think there's not so much of a I don't know if it's because it's for or if it's because it's diving but we are constantly half naked around boys girls whatever it is there's not that kind of judgment around people like people kind of forget about bodies they forget about you know it's not something that anyone's ever really talked about whether anyone straight or anyone's gay is kind of just and people have just that's the one thing I think is amazing about sport is especially for a sport that's subjective like diving or a sport but I know in in team sports it can be slightly different because you have your teammates that can judge you slightly differently but for diving you're on that board and you're judged for what you're doing in the pool you're not judged for what you're doing outside of it so I think that's one thing that is amazing about sport is that you're your judge and you can compete on an equal playing field no matter what your sexual orientation is but I do think there is a lot of work that needs to be done in sports like football and rugby where I don't think there's so much worry about discrimination within the team players and the teammates but it's the discrimination of the fans because for example football fans are quite a straight community I mean there are obviously LGBT people as part of those at that fan base but you can imagine there's there already it seems that they're always already so far behind in terms of racial remarks in terms of also homophobic remarks so I think that's the big fear for a footballer to come out is the worry about on the pitch the fans that are gonna treat them differently a lot of people have said that that when that first footballer comes out yeah they're gonna become a celebrity actually it's gonna be a really good thing do you think that would be true I think that the difference is is that obviously there are gay footballers just by you know laws of average or whatever you like science but I think there's I wouldn't say that there's gonna be like a celebrity and they're gonna come from nowhere to like be this massive thing because that's not what it's about it's about trying to share your personal story to be able to help change minds the people that already were a big fan of that person and actually this is just another part of who I am it's not changed the way that I can play football it's not going to change the way I'm going to try my best every single day it's just another thing another part of who I am and I think it's just first there has to be self acceptance within the sporting community and then again not worrying about what anyone else thinks because I think that again was a big worry for me was worrying about how people were perceive me how people would all of a sudden think that I was something else and that's the one big thing that anyone that is wanting to come out is that at the end of the day that's who you are and if you're not comfortable with being who you are with your friends then you've kind of lost them in the way that matters most anyway because you have to have your friends there for you not who they think you are they have to be there for you great thank you okay yeah let's come to the front I don't know thanks for coming I was just wondering how you managed to sort of cope with the disappointment of what happened in Rio yeah and how you then used that disappointment to sort of motivate you to go on to win gold in the world this year and then continue to motivate you for 2020 yeah I mean again that was something I was going to talk to about tonight and I mean well Rio was one of the toughest situations I've ever been in I said when you train for four hours a day 6000 days six days a week you get to that one moment where you have to make it count and I went into that competition with absolutely no regrets I stopped drinking for two years before the Olympics to try and be like at my absolute prime for example I didn't go to anything I was trying to be as healthy as I possibly could I felt horrible if I ate a doughnut at any point and I just remember obviously doing so one in the prelim we'd already won the bronze medal in the synchro and going into the individual I was in the best shape of my life I was diving really well I remember going onto the end of the diving board and just wasn't clicking something just wasn't happening and to not make the final probably was one of the lowest moments of my life I remember just sobbing and not being able to understanding why and how things went wrong and what it was but I mean I took a lot of time out and I think the one thing that I learnt about it was to not take things so seriously because you may get rid of all the pressures and expectations of everyone else if you put what they were going to be thinking on yourself and put more pressure and expectation on you then it's you're gonna start to fall apart and you're not going to be able to do the best that you can so this year in particular I've just been a little bit more happy to like try things in a different way not be so regimented into a particular routine and be a be okay with things that change and not being afraid of having pulled a plan or all of a sudden altered because my coach thinks something else could have worked better I mean I took the time out to get married and going into the World Championships I think I just went took myself back to my 15 year old self when I first won the World Championships and just thought back then I wasn't worrying about what anyone else was doing in their competition I was just out there having fun enjoying what I loved my study which is diving so I went back to that you know dancing and singing in the showers and just being able to be happy and enjoy being there like soak up the audience and be like you know what I'm at a World Championships it's pretty pretty cool and I just remember doing dive after dive and being you know right in line with Tennyson who won the Olympics the year before and I knew it was going into the last dive and actually it was one of my the most like I mean we're not in furious yes that's the wrong word but I'm going into my last dive Chennai Sun had just gone before me I think got ten nine and a half nine and a half two count so he'd already got other tens and he got 106 points and he was cheering and screaming and celebrating with his Chinese teammates because he was the world champion because there's no way that I could follow what he did because he got tens on his dive one of the highest degree of difficulty so I remember them all cheering and making loads of noise and looking like kind of looking up at me and like yeah like as if they were trying to be like you know we've we've won this easy and I'm just looking down at them cheering and being like oh yeah there's if you want to play that game then then here we go and I think if I had been taking myself too seriously and being worried about what was going to have what my happen then I probably would have gone wrong because you can't worry about things that might happen or might not happen because they haven't happened yet so worrying about something that hasn't happened yet it seems really stupid but we do it all the time so I'm over just standing on the end of the board and thinking oh this is it give it my best shot but at the end of the day if all goes tits up this cheesecake and so I just went I just gave it my everything and just focus on the process of the dive hit the water I knew it was good but then to see the scores come up with ten ten nine and a half and running over to my couch seeing my husband in the audience and my mom it was just one of the like it just felt like Redemption after such a horrible experience in Rio to be able to turn that around and be you know in the scenario that I was in Rio where I was last diver following that Chinese diver and it went wrong - this time following the Chinese diver and I got my own back if you like great thank you that question we have time for one more yeah let's go - hey hello we've talked a lot about like issues to have coming out and to like gay rights and acceptance but we haven't talked a lot about the internal politics of the gay community and specific for you could talk about perhaps like gay media like a student GT and your relationship with them because often on Twitter and being a gamer myself I see a lot of comments and nasty stuff around a student GT and the hypocrisy because at once they might be supportive of you Peter on the front cover but then do not ask another week that might be slagging north yeah I think that's the one thing that I think the LGBT community and especially especially gay guys we're very good at being right and I think that's one thing that I think the LGBT community among other communities need to really learn is that we have to be a family we have to be supportive of everyone like what is the point of bringing someone down for a truck if someone's trying to help say something like for example this is an example I may not have understood this situation completely but I you know made a post about the fact that Australia voted YES for marriage equality I was amazing really happy for them and then everyone was tweeting me knocking me down for a fact oh it's not happened yeah it's not happened yet we can't get married yet and just little things like that like if you're trying to like don't waste energy I'm trying to bring other people down in your family you wouldn't do it to like say if your mum was doing something you would be like nah you're absolutely awful that's disgusting you need to leave like what are you on about you know sometimes you want to do that but like you don't do that to your family so why is it different in the LGBT community that like even for example I'm gonna use another example of Lance he made a miniseries called when we rise and there may be little things in there that have been missed out but then all of a sudden why would you have to say something nasty about it because if you think about what the greater good of what that miniseries has helped to do and by the way it's in every country except from Iran Uganda and the UK so don't know why that is different point so but yeah like you can't bring down other people in your family and the LGBT community and you talk about like the gay times and attitude magazine I think lots of the time people just like make stories just to get people to look at it and strike up conversation on line to get engagement and all that kind of stuff so often I don't really it kind of goes over your head what people say but I do think it's really important that we try and come together as a community and not just with our community other social justice movements to be able to raise each other up because what do we realistically get from dragging people down it's only your own ego trying to bring other people down because you think someone's doing something that may not be completely correct but instead of being nice about it you try and bring them down so I think the whole thing that I'd say is just try and be kind and raise people up because it's not nice to bring people down great thank you for that question I'm afraid that's all we have time for so please join me in thanking Tom Daly thank you you

Channel: OxfordUnion

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Length: 52min 13sec (3133 seconds)

Published: Tue Jan 02 2018