Tips You Should Know About Marrying Young | Episode 1 | Real Talk With Kingsley Okonkwo

[Music] thank you [Music] hi there welcome to this uh youtube video uh real talk with pk and as usual i have some guests in the house they are like one of the latest i understand latest but i don't think they're later in the world i'm sure some people got my yesterday this weekend but they are really like one of the latest they just got married a few weeks ago um and they are here they are my people um introduce yourselves i think you should just introduce yourselves yeah hello guys my name is abiodun olani beckham also known as 24 elders 24 elders can you tell us what that means all right now because she's my daughter and then i've never had her used under something okay nice to meet you guys welcome to this show thank you thank you sir nice to be here yeah good to see you yes all right so what does 25 others mean so that's my music producer name okay yeah so i got that from revelation chapter four okay yeah this was like three years ago 2018 yeah so i was just i was going through that scripture and then um i came across the 24 elders so i was describing about how they worship god 24 7 and the fact that they're wearing crown you know the golden crown and then the bow down to worship god every time so i was just thinking about it like this is my life this is basically where i want my music to communicate to people as well so that was where i got the name i was trying to use the name for my that's my musical that's revelation from this golden crown with records as you just said now that you've dropped what do you guys do what do we do yes what do you do okay i'm a music producer and then i work as a mental health specialist in the uk and um i run a record level as well christian recolumn oh yeah director oh that's good yes that's good taina what do you do i'm a musician sound engineer producer wow you say what she's a music producer oh okay that's good music family all right so basically um you guys just got my where did you get mine so that was last month the 17th of july okay so yes yes wow that was our traditional so you guys are never one month off okay no yeah what where will you what you know you did your you had different events so when you will start counting from month yes we're using the last month yes to count okay so um so yeah you're never the most old man it's just just about a month oh yeah yes 17th of july 17th this is obviously oh yeah i just believe in months and it's like i'm punishable you pointed marriage i just need that handsome because we are old people in this job yes well how does it feel to be white for one month you know i can't remember what that feels like how does it feel right how does that feel for me i would say um i'll count from january when we had a course working so it's been amazing like it's it's really really amazing because it's what's something that i've been um preparing for something i've been looking forward to and since when he started um i was just really excited about it so i know he's a new it's a new um it's a new phase of my life but i'm really excited about it and the things that god is going to do through this marriage china what do you feel most how does it look how does it feel it's it's been beautiful i thought it would be harder than this but i know we'll grow into it too you know experience more no more and let me learn about each other more but so far it's been good you know having god at the center has been beautiful knowing that it serve his first so we were ready you by studying and studying and studying yes okay so but i'd like to know how did you guys meet well the way it happened um i had worked for a virtual friend of house of hours yeah zakat is a christian artist so i produced a song for him then back in 2019 and then she left he made a post and she left a comment on this post saying that if i know the person that produces the song i'm going to avoid him and i just went to that comment and then and this is important let me interrupt you this is important please don't lose train of your thoughts you know i tell single people all the time it's important you you live online nowadays just like you would leave you know on ground uh a lot of single people they see a post they make a comment in their head and they move on in fact i was i was doing an online program for church and i was telling them that now you guys have product about um is their husband or whatever in my local church that's not the purpose of your culture right now it'll be good to meet your husband your local church but the truth is that today the world is global so don't limit yourself to just your local church or your local community be active on online platforms that you belong to that you that you you have shared interest in so if it's a gospel page for instance that is something you should be interested in if it's a gospel music page even if it's something that has to do with um humor or whatever be real the same way you you would laugh or make a comment to your friend when you're watching a comedy um whatever show make those comments you know people can see those things i've met a lot of people i've met with just a comment online like this or a repost or something or story or something like that and they've met and they are in love so i'm just saying that this portrays you know that thinking really interesting the way it happened so she left the comments and then i was like whoa that means this song is really good then so i was like let me just see this person does that's for then and i went on a page and i saw that she's an artist as well and she does christian music as well so and then a few weeks after and then i went to dm ha i said because i was talking about project then i had the project i was working on let me let me be holding your total because i've just used them to preach don't worry and that's another major point i actually have a video on youtube titled mistakes singles make online all right very important so number one thing to note is that her page was not private i have loads of single people that their pages are on private and i'm wondering who i mean how do you you're single you're searching your pages on private you know just so people will always check you out now interesting things that just put on private they could have go out people will always check you out i do that when people ask me for counsel or something i want to check i don't even know who i'm talking with sometimes you know because it will affect how i'm going to advise you so that's number one let your prayer be open if you're single yeah if your mind you can form all this i don't want people to see me that's fine because the only person important is seeing you but if you're saying go look your butt should be open secondly post things that show who you really are a lot of people just post rubbish some you know they don't even post themselves but we it's an opportunity for social media is like your cv today even embassies check it even people are looking for an employee people they check it so why would you not post things that you know show who you really are sure what you're interested in like today my post today is on um how i tested malaska in nevada that's my post today it's not so you can't you shouldn't always post if you are for instance a pastor you can't always just post preaching that's not how it works that's not the only aspect of your life what other aspects of your life exist post it that's why it's called social media it's the way that we interact we get to know each other a bit unofficially so this is just showing that a lot of points you know here are important a lot of single people can learn from these small small things you are mentioning and i have a full video where i broke all these things down into detail so go ahead i was i was working on a project and then i told her um i want you to jump on this project and then that was the way he began we became french so you had [Laughter] so and then from classes to have like a production and a writer no no you read that now what did you have tell me that one i said hey um how are you and i said um i've got a project i'm working on and i want you to follow me no i was following her so said i've got you know yes not often i don't think that's offered afterwards i was surprised i was surprised if you are single you must take applications on anytime you are doing a searching for a job there will be bad applications uh if the time you're not checking back you also miss good me too i don't have time check on my dm but you see every once in a while i get some important dms so i'm not going to check anything at all i'll miss some important things so go ahead so and then i said i want you to work to jump on a project with me i'm working to say that you're a rapper and then she replied like the same day i was surprised that she replied because i was like whoa jay taina this rapper this is and i should go back to me and say yes and i said same with some of the samples of the things that you've worked on i just want to i want to hear your sound on the record now because i've already seen her videos i want i wanted to listen to her on the record and how she sounded and that was the way we became friends from there yeah so that was how we met yes okay true music god brought us together through the music very crucial that's that's how life works i think all the time what what's happening in your life don't focus on how to find a husband fighter no usually the things you're doing with your life is are going to become the path that will lead you to meeting that person and usually to be somebody that has similar interests because if you oppose it for instance if you work out above or whatever follow those workout pages comments do you meet other people that have similar interests that's how it works when people are so obsessed with just waiting for your husband and wife and they don't know that that's not how you find a husband a wife your father's my wife by focus on other things i wasn't even searching for anything yes i was just looking for artists good artists good producers [Laughter] [Laughter] so okay so did i tell you your own story from your own side how did everything happen um he had messaged me and i saw his message then i wasn't even really making music i was i just started my own spa so i was working on my spa every day not making music at all so i told him i'm not really making music but i'll jump on it and that's something i don't really do so um we started we the first zoom call we had just woken up and he saw me and he was like i'm so like i can't believe you came here with your bare face and you know not caring about me or anything and then we did have the first one and second one and then he was always texting me you know when he goes to buy me okay take a picture of the mukers and send to me and i didn't get the memo on time because it was just the beginning of the pandemic so i thought he actually just needed a corona friend that's what i was calling him yeah that was that was match last year so that was when he was hot the whole pandemic in here so yeah yes sir and then we did the music actually we finally got to do that song and it was this is [Laughter] um i had to put the music out on platform spotify and remember remember is before then i wasn't any with my music so he had a lot of like platforms to to to bring me into i still wasn't really interested but you know i i still continue to continue having the leading to go ahead and work with him so for the first time in my life i started to have streams and actually earning from my music it was mind-blowing you know when the pandemic was really hot my music was doing excellently well because he you know use these intellectual property to me about her own spy not going back into music i had to encourage her in canada just to because i i saw the message in what she does i saw a lot because i had watched her videos on instagram so her message i was like people need to hear this so normally me as a person normally i look for artists it's like scouts i look i go online to look for artists so and then i saw that she's really doing good in this business why don't you want to leave it you have to continue it so i had to encourage you to release to do that song with me and then it went on like wow wow this is nice so um so when he sent you the message did you also check his page out did you check him out yes i knew immediately he sent me the message i saw his page i knew he produced that song i commented about so i followed him back were you happy he reached you yes i was happy but i still was weighing him yes sir [Laughter] wow okay okay interesting because um i i you guys look young um you guys are kind of young i'm using kind of because um i know in some parts of the world yes um for your ages your and your twenties um you know mid-twenties and most in africa most people don't uh marry at that age you know so did you have a lot of friends that are married at your age do you have more friends that are not married or more friends than america i have more friends you too yes more friends who are not married because you guys are young that's what i'm saying because most people um you know are not married so this is why we're having this show to know um you know but vegetarian were you on youtube where you guys um praying about marriage were you believing god to get married soon was it your purview no i wasn't praying to get married at the time i wasn't likewise i wasn't at all i was just doing music yeah because um i feel the guys are young yeah so you have more friends that are not married yeah than that are married married so do you guys feel young you feel too young to die well i don't feel too young to be married yeah because um i feel like it's not about the age it's not about the age so for me i personally don't feel too young to be mine yeah like it starts from from the stage where you know that you're ready to go on yeah to be with her so because i've seen um i think the first person that got my which was one of my friends was was around the age of 21. 21 yeah yeah musician is he still married yeah he's still here wow yeah okay but he doesn't live in nigeria no yeah that's what i was saying i used to kind of kind of in some societies um you got exposed to some responsibility a little bit earlier yeah so i understand that uh okay what do you think yes initially when he started talking about marriage i felt too young yeah but he didn't think so yeah yeah because of my knowledge about marriage yeah yeah yeah so really the issue is about being ready yeah so not so much age if i have a whole book titled one am i already so issues i'm about yeah you're ready yeah you read the book yes i read it to him people wow on the phone yes yes we're going to come to long distances you guys are going to be just very interesting or long-distance relationship you guys are going to tell us all about social media yes please that's a whole segment so yeah so so it's not about um age really it's about being ready the issue most times is that some people at a certain age is more likely than already so that's what happens um part of the edge you guys have is that both of you uh have been christians for a while so that helps you you know develop some things what makes sense i know some pokemons are not christians you know a lot of young to church people yeah they're still trying to put one leg in the world and one leg in things of god so yeah that won't count but if you really are a serious christian and you you start early you find that you match up quickly because a lot of the childish things that confuse young people you're not interested in those things so you grow quickly and if you are being clean in terms of being celibate being staying pure then you need to get married on time you know what do you why why they are also calm about nagging myself hey they are getting all the benefits but they are getting benefits of my divine you know so those are the challenges and i tell you all the time before i keep it clean you find that more people get might be serious about life early yeah it's those distractions you know yeah i believe that that's that's the reason why most people are like oh i'm not ready now i'm not ready enough i'm not right now because i won't say most people but most young people that you know they stay out there because they it's like i think they don't want to be committed yeah to somebody for the rest of their life yeah it's about being ready although statistically um the younger you are when you get married the more likely you will need to get married again you're more likely to have issues and the reason like i said is because i love the junk one already so uh they usually marry for the wrong reasons and again i have a book titled 25 wrong reasons people get into relationships so they usually mind for the wrong business because usually at that age if you're not you're not really developing you're not mature yeah at that age you're making decisions for the wrong reason what happens is that if you're not well grown composed what if you kind of have found your past in life so you see you see what's making it okay for you at this age is that number one you had a good spiritual foundation secondly you found your past in life these are the things that make that's like in the book when am i ready when you have those things really it's not about age anymore the issue is that most times people at that age don't have a strong spiritual foundation they're probably just going to check with their parents go oh they're not even going at all then secondly most of them have not found you know their paths in life yeah they're just having fun they're interested in just listening to good music playing but you know what if you kind of have found what you want to do with your lives yeah and that that was the basis of you even meeting in the festival meeting here so a lot of things studied that people don't see yeah and i think we try to push people to get so um if you can develop the spiritual side develop the purpose part because the reason why young people struggle is when you are let me give you example now when you are a child under 10 if you are asked that this is tv station or this this television cable and you can only watch one channel now most people have 60 70 something 400 500 channels and they say you can pick only one one that you watch for the rest of your life if you're under 10 yeah just you know it's a no brainer i want to pick a cartoon network kind of thing and you feel this would be okay for me all my life the challenge will start when you grow to become 10 and above you find out i don't want to watch cartoon all my life cartoon is great but that's not what i was doing pick one up from 10 to 20 you are likely to pick something more teenage eyes one nick lady or something or you know something like that you know and what i mean now 20. you know i find that okay that was great but that's not what i want to do without my life if you see it could people come from 20 to 30 you might be i don't know you might pick something the point is that if you're not fully grown your taste will change drastically so what happens to people that marry very early like 20 21 19 all those things that they've not fully developed in their test so who they find attractive at 20. it's not who they find attractive at 30. your life changes drastically between 20 and 30 and also it's in 30 and 40. those are very drastic changes so you find that attorney hey fine boy is okay you know you like a guy because of his hairstyle but a tattoo you like a guy because of his lifestyle [Laughter] you see so just like that shocked those young you people you like him but you know you like him at 20 you like him because he spends money at 30 you like him because he saves money he saves money very easy so don't understand changes happen if you if you leave my drive you just start designing on that person just saying this can't work and it happens to put the guy again and finally break up so statistically the earlier humanity more likely to end superman you guys are you know you're taking the boxes the right boxes in terms of spiritual foundation and you know your purpose yeah thank you so much thank you so much well talk about your spiritual life so where did you get born again do you do you have a good home church things like that okay um i go i give my life to christ in 2010 okay yeah that was that was around the time that i finished secondary school in nigeria yeah yeah yeah i was born and been invited all my life i don't know about lagos yeah so um give my life to christ then that was i was just doing ydc then the one that you do after secondary school and then um it was this person that just told me but i said for you to pass this you have to know god i'm telling you you have to know god though teach us everything and tell us about it yeah and then he told us about about christ about the love of christ and he said i should find something to do in church i should serve in church and that was the way it planned for me and it was from then it was yeah yes wow i joined the music department of course um go to now yes sorry it's called life assembly light assembly yeah so you're active there yes he's music director there oh yeah i'm just dead yeah she's like things i'm saying so that helps you you're gonna be responsible you're gonna have to hold your ground spiritually to do that so those are the things like by helping you guys get might now mm-hmm if not if you're just a guy just attending church and just having fun it's not gonna be serious-minded enough to understand how serious it is this decision you know yes so just tell me about your own okay um it was in 2010 20 2009 um dcc had like a children's day party where they were bouncing castles and everything so my sister told my younger sister told me that hey there's this church it's so fun bouncing castles this is david's david's christian center okay the home of victorious people yes so i i started dcc because of bouncing castle i was 12 so from there the gym base so grew there i was raised there and then one of my teachers told me that if you want to like what they told my husband if you want to pass exams you know wow we need to start this thing where my evangelist let's start thinking the past exam let's do that because yes it really works and then you know i i just started growing my faith praying like i learned all the basis of you know being in christ so yes it's been beautiful and you church you you you've been in this church it's that time so this is like over 11 years ago okay wow no you said you were 12 then yes 25 now i just don't know so that's um it's 13 years that's 13. 13 wow wow so we have to get more bouncing castles definitely [Laughter] oh wow so you see but those things matter sitting on that good church being accountable being responsible you know those things count i think that's where the issue is it's not really the age it's what you're exposed to and you are responsible for yeah you know i dealt with that and when am i ready i think it's important because truly statistically yeah um marrying that early most part already you know sure so um let's talk about uh sexuality so how did you guys were able to keep it clean until till marriage yes sir yes sir wow yes sir wow so you've done it now so you have seen us now you're [Laughter] um how was the first date how was it was it [Laughter] [Music] how are you guys able to keep it clean because these are the things young people struggle with yeah if i'm dating somebody i'm not having sex blah blah blah is that true i must be having sex from this you know how did you prove that's not true that's not true i'm sorry let me go first that's not true um i would say for us two things the first thing is is about um where we stand normally individually as christians because we understand what god's taught us about it about keeping the bed on the fire and then you know we've learned and seen people that have people that i mean we've learned from people from you know pastors and people and our mentors etc the second thing is our long distance actually helped us it helped us a lot because us not been together for so long so we were able to even we're already used to living without it then when we started i i remember we were talking about oh you know our spirit has met our soul has met us our bodies left so we from the airport when i picked him up it was our spirit and our soul being friends before we could even think think of anything and we're really occupied we we made ourselves occupied so we we didn't you know give the chance to whatever it was that was going to happen so i think we had planned it you know when you plan apart from just you know intimacy when you plan for anything you are you are shorter to win than when you just say ah when we get there we find out yeah yeah so you guys have proposed in your heart that you will keep it this wouldn't happen yes we talked about it you know the distance was great it helped him to yeah yes sir wow that's interesting so but how are you guys able to sustain that plan because once it's okay yeah but you see one of the things that i helped with a lot of you on the same page yeah what i covered is that a lot of relationships one person will not be on that page so usually it's more difficult when there's only one person that wants to honor god and obey the word of god it's difficult the good thing about both of you is that what if you wanted to yes and we just caused it yes we're disgusted yeah that is what we want to do we're going to you know live holy we're going to there will no sex for marriage and things like that yes so what was the question you asked the question how how yes how were you able to sustain it because once you plan it how did you first thing um when we started he suggest we he suggested that we see first so i should come to the uk and then come back and then see my people but i said no i said no let's wait something really special about her saying no yeah so i said no we can wait i don't mind waiting till you come to nigeria because where will i stay how often will we see and all of that so but that's a smart thing it looks simple but this is where many people fail they propose to do something good but the plans they have it's not going to arrive at that destination that they want to have so the plans can implicate even though you have a good purpose but you were able to also line up the planning with the purpose because if you had just gone there like you said it will also make you guys more vulnerable because you probably don't have where to stay blah blah blah you're more tempted to stay over in this place i think it's a problem so the planning actually is it's a good point and even the way men think i mean the way i think sometimes i was just thinking yeah then i just come over here i will sort it out when she comes to find a place for us but she said no and she explained and i was like ah that's true that's true let's let's just wait that's powerful yeah that's powerful yeah go ahead you know where he stopped that when he said you should come i said no no i said no and then he was like okay i'll just come and visit you in nigeria and all of that that's fine you can come you know by then you already spoken to my parents about his interest so i was we were ready to receive him but i wasn't going to go to him even to go to ibadan with him i i was gonna say no but i wanted to honor his grandma by going so it was there were a lot of noises wow january yeah one of those knows i think yes it's now yes [Laughter] yes okay so uh so what else did you do people might manage it do you not celebrate sex so also um like the pandemic time focus it was a long time from i'll say from march that we met until [Music] i didn't go i didn't come to nigeria until january because yes he wanted to come for the right reasons yeah just to see me because i kept encouraging him that we met don't worry we've met you know so he came for the right reasons okay okay that's beautiful so i just came straight when i was like let me just you know let me just go for it let's be together let's get married and then i had been enjoying a lot of things from her as a friend just as a friend not even this was before i told my interests i've been doing a lot of things for my have values have wisdom in in the place of like um kingdoms to worship all these things i didn't really understand myself in the place of finances so i've been enjoying a lot of things in mind i was like this is the person that i need in my life even then my recollection i'm talking about right now it wasn't established then yeah so it was her worth of wisdom that got me to establish it so okay let me just i mean why the wait let me just come and put a ring on it okay so you guys gonna move to the uk yeah so now let's talk about long-distance relationships [Music] you

Channel: Kingsley Okonkwo

Views: 16,821

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Id: 6eYPtk27KdA

Length: 31min 55sec (1915 seconds)

Published: Fri Oct 01 2021