This game is genuinely brutal.

[Music] hi lads and lasses mutters Pelican here with Daisy if you enjoyed this content please hire an escort for a couple of hours dim the lights and then just get them to subscribe to me and watch my videos for the entire time as this really helps spread the good word of my channel so Daisy just in case you don't know the game it's a pretty brutal Zombie Survival simulator you start on the beach with a piece of fruit and have to conquer this Russian wasteland you've got to eat stay hydrated scavenge avoid sickness but most importantly have fun I'm kidding most importantly survive the encounters you have with other real players because if you die you die forever like in real life but worse this brings me to where I currently am I've been addicted to this game and I mean look at me I look like a Navy SEAL if there's players out there swinging shovels and I have a kitted m4 assault rifle with 250 tracer rounds I'm the big popper of these lands I make Vladimir Putin's regime look cute that's not a joke either I've become absolutely an evil person you see I used to trust people I'd spend hours and hours finding good gear and then stop to give a fresh spawn a can of tuna and a back scratch and then they'd crush my skull at the first opportunity and take my stuff this game changes you and you quickly learn that to survive you have to be ruthless here's a clip I sent my mate stealth amato a few weeks ago demonstrating just how ruthless I became I often think this channel is a bit like pornhub except without the sex so basically just to low production quality and this embodies that but it's the only recording I've got so this man just lays on his stomach and tells us he wants to be friends but he sounded so dodgy I wanted to trust him but a few guys with the exact same accent had just tried to backstab us so well yeah I somehow missed several times too which is quite hilarious but the only thing separating me and ISIL at this point is our execution accuracy it's getting out of hand in fact it's time for a change I need to be a better human it's obviously going to be risky trusting players as I have so much high-end gear in fact I haven't died in about 30 hours but I need to take a chance and trust the world again my and stealth Oh Robo is about five kilometres away and he's encountered another player and she's a real-life famine gamer how exciting I run over to meet them literally the whole five kilometers it took ages but Daisy really be like that I need to make sure this girl isn't going to betray us do you swear that you won't kill us yeah you're looking at me I'm sorry this is my apology so by total coincidence it turns out my other friend Crosby tried to kill her and her three friends last week so they're not exactly best friends forever I'm also probably coming off as a bit aggressive but I am trying my best to be a friendly player here so I continue trying to establish trust walls I learned that her name is Maddie and we say we'll help her search the town so she can find gear this is a huge step forward for me expending my precious ammunition to kill the undead so she can scavenge and you know what it feels good to help out I then get shot in the head and die instantly and I might just go kill myself in real life now let's be honest though this is deserved karma so just like that I'm dead permanently and have respawned back on the beach with nothing but one bloody pair great source of fiber though anyway the lads discover it was a sniper who shot me from around 500 metres away I mean I respect him for hitting that shot but I'll also be wishing death upon him every single night before bed while I sip my hot chocolate so the first time I tried to be friendly in wakes and now I'm malnourished and poor scavenging for scraps again it's been a long time since I was here trying to translate to Russian street science to figure out where I am as an insensitive white male the fact that Russians don't use the same alphabet as me makes me feel socially uncomfortable really though the only good thing about a zombie infestation is you get to punch grandma's in the head without any repercussions I find a dope helmet and then meet another player who isn't talking but I tell him I'm friendly and he seems pretty chill he also seems to like punching grandmas and it's nice that we instantly have this shared interest as it really helps build rapport this guy seems very new to the game as he doesn't even bandage wounds after the fight so I'd do it for him look at me out here I'm bloody mother Teresa it's good to be redeeming myself I decide to head to kami Shou Bou which is notoriously the most violent town in the game it's where you go if you want to fight sort of like the three meter radius around my ex-girlfriend as I arrive I can see the police station is smoking players often let off smoke grenades here to encourage naive survivors to investigate and then they kill them wholesome I try to sip God's nectar aka water from this fountain and they invite me into their home what great guys it's always nice being a guest in someone's house and then he shoots me in the face with his shotgun can't say I didn't see this coming but look I'm still trying to see the best in people but by total chance I spawn right next to kami show though again which is statistically a massive fluke so I head back over to the police station for round two my homegirl Maddie is on the roof of the police station it is a very odd place to be right now I'll tell you that much when you do that say Gus it's become apparent that kami show though probably isn't the best place to be a good Samaritan so Maddie myself and this other random fresh born decide to jog inland I can't describe how underprepared we are for such a track as we don't have any canned food at only one bottle of water but if we stay in kami we will eventually get murdered so yeah starvation it is you guys should get hats you're gonna get sunburned hopefully my tickets pasty and yeah we can find like a chicken or something and then like hook it up and put it in that chest cup link would also keep possible so yeah I'm feeling some pretty unwarranted optimism right now I'm with good company I have a nice hat I mean my vitals are dropping rapidly but for the moment everything is fine you want to say good yeah he's a nice I think these shoes I don't want you to get your foot cut I know I didn't actually use this thumbnail because the lighting was bad you know what they say about good lighting it can make an average-sized penis look slightly above average which is what we're all about here at mr. Pelican gaming for real though they voluntarily stripped off so I could try to make some booty clickbait I really am amongst good people right now the looming darkness is bad news though as nightfall is coming and seriously we barely have any resources left these two are probably so cold right now was well doing this photo shoot in their underwear but hey at least I'm toasty warm in this hoodie we burn through the last of our food supplies and head for the closest town there's also constant gunshots in every direction and we don't even have a pointy stick to defend ourselves so it's really a red hot situation so we take shelter in the house my grandma's house is your grandma attractive terrain is not ideal Maddy will you do that I'm gonna stay inside where it's nice and dry and I'll offer emotional support you don't grate a great job we managed to get a fire started pretty much all thanks to me because I had the foresight not to help and therefore not get the matches wet Maddy says that we probably shouldn't have put the fire near the window where the light could be seen and that upstairs would have been better I take this a little bit too literally and pour water on the fire so that we can move it fires have got to stay hydrated too this doesn't go down too well with the team as this was our last source of drinkable water at least with the fire upstairs bandits shouldn't be able to easily see us and kill us there's an elephant in the room that we're all starving to death slowly I'm just gonna eat you in party room okay we can't I'm only gonna eat one of you and she fell into you you guys hate me alright I think that's the way to go I've had a good run I couldn't do it man I'm sorry couldn't do it the mood is shifting with all this talk of cannibalism so I pull out my axe to kill myself so that these two legends can eat my corpse and go on without me Maddy freaks out and runs off which I guess is fair enough as I do look like I'm about to start swinging my boy Envy talks me out of sacrificing myself but now it's pitch black and we've lost a third of our crew with our little glow sticks we set out to find Maddy but this is getting grim there's no mini-map if you make too much light you'll probably just get shot and I'm barely staying alive here you know what man I think it has come to it you've got a eight Negro you're gonna make sure you don't hate me just my legacy will go on in your mind it will make it will good night sweet prince it's been a it's been a great day it's been a pleasure riding with you in one of the saddest gaming moments of 2020 the legend himself known as envy loyalty served himself up like a steak and let me eat him I can't believe I'm now eating my viewers like every video it just seems to get more and more out of hand but I realize I don't even have a knife to cut him up a huge miscalculation I'm dying here and I can't even eat him we can't let this sacrifice be in vain he did whisper one last touching phrase in my ear before he died though he said it's all fun and games till they ask me what it is and I say it's aborted rapidly starving to death I search for a knife for Maddie I need a miracle and fast then like an angel emerging from the shadows I see Maddie's glow stick maybe just maybe we can reunite and pull through here life is a cruel mistress though because it seems Maddie has fallen my girl is dead and we didn't even get to have any unprotected virtual cuddles I'm genuinely a broken man here as she was a brave soldier and a big reason why I didn't die sooner so I do the only thing that feels right I take the hunting knife out of her backpack cut her up into several human steaks and start chowing down like the hungry Malaka I am it's funny the way life works isn't it I wanted to get inside Maddie but in the end she got inside me moments later I throw up several litres of blood and then die because the human digestive system doesn't react well to raw meat Wow this story does have a happy ending however because I continued being a really good guy if someone needs an apple I give them an apple I did my best to clothe the good people of dayz seriously like 75% of the time I was really kind and warm to strangers I even got pretty geared again and met up with Maddie who's now my actual friend we made it all the way back to our base right up in the far corner of the math to finally reunite with stealth Oh Robo and Crosby and we all lived happily ever after well except of course for Envy whose corpse is lying dead on the road may he live on in our forever and thanks for watching you absolute legends and a massive thanks to those who support the channel on patreon until next time and as always stay classy [Music]

Channel: Modest Pelican

Views: 1,482,602

Rating: 4.8997116 out of 5

Keywords: funny gaming, gameplay, funny video, gaming, funny gaming video, funny gaming moments, satire, funny, dayz xbox one, gamer, modest pelican, modest pelican gaming, video game, dayz

Id: DLsqmM3Fxeg

Length: 11min 23sec (683 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 09 2020