These are the dumbest things ever said! - r/AskReddit

what's the dumbest thing you've ever heard anyone say my friend told me she once asks if Carlo blind people are blind to the color red and they see a person driving a red car did they just see the person sitting there and the steering wheel and tires the Super Bowl is the most watched event in the world watched by over 700 billion people I was talking to a teacher about the 2008 presidential candidate an when we mentioned Obama a guy in the alternative school probably hi said Frick that guy I can't believe they're letting him run for president after he blew up those buildings in New York we just burst out laughing and he just stared at us baffled had a boy asked if I was from the Seven Dwarfs there was a British reality TV show following seven people with dwarfism called the Seven Dwarves on at the time I said no he said puzzled but there are only seven dwarfs I had to tell him there were much more than Seven Dwarfs in the world he looked deeply concerned after this revelation edit what I find even more puzzling about his understanding in hindsight is that more than seven dwarfs appear in the Seven Dwarves family members friends and the like weird kid in biology class can you clone an inanimate object like could you clone a clock yeah it's called a factory reposting a previous comment of mine grade 8 science class while studying biology specifically learning about a biotic and biotic a girl started arguing with the teacher that water is clearly biotic because it's alive teacher confused as Frigg asks why she thinks this and says it's alive because it flows just like lover everyone is confused as Frick elaborating she says that lava is alive because volcanoes reproduce it and since lava is alive and it flows and since water flows therefore water is alive QED pepper is ground up tree bark so if I wanted that crap on my mac and cheese I would just go get some from the yard you went to the Netherlands that's a real place isn't that from Peter Pan they asked me and my twin sister if we ever got mixed up knowing which twin is which about ourselves tornados don't exist they were created for movies when I was 13 for Team I had an argument with a friend about whether or not humans are mammals he argued that because there is a net getting fertilized in the woman humans aren't mammals because mammals don't use eggs I couldn't convince him that that is the definition of a mammal and decided to drop it to preserve my sanity but this just proves that British people can't talk normal referring to a British actor doing an American accent for a movie then why don't they just do that their accent is so fake anyway North is whichever way I'm looking at the time right travelling with some teenagers for work one asked me what part of Paris is London in World War one and World War two was fought with only swords and shields and is still in the medieval age so when are you Jew me to a woman who wasn't pregnant when we were 16 my best friend asked when do babies legs grow I didn't know what she meant so she clarified saying that she thought babies were like tadpoles and were born with their legs fused together and that's why you always see newborn baby swaddled that milk is bad for you because it is carbonated I've come out of lurking to share this story during slicing a recently cooked up and pizza into six slices friend maybe you not cut your pizza into eight slices me a ride I know why friend because you get more pizza no irony no satire dentally serious comment just because it's vegan doesn't mean it's vegetarian this was back when I was doing compulsory military service it was a nightshift and three people including me were on duty me and another guy were on our desktops doing administrative work while the team leader a corporal had done his and was watching some ww2 film on TV suddenly the team leader goes whoa life sure was tough for Russian soldiers thank goodness our country doesn't have conscription we both stared at him and I shouted then what the frig are we doing here I don't think I've been any closer to strangling someone I have two that stand out a former cow walker when she came in to work sick and I told her to go home I don't have a flu and I would know because I spent the whole weekend with my nephew who has it and everyone knows that kids can't spread the flu to adults a former boss yes I get it you have depression which means you're sad all the time but that doesn't mean you can't pretend to be happy it's Monday somewhere me after having a bad case of the Mondays one Thursday morning which is closer the moon or the Sun so there's this small documentary on Vice about people in Columbia who have intercourse with donkeys and an old friend of mine said how come the donkeys don't get pregnant and instantly I facet prompt mind you that came from a guy who pictures himself as a soon to be President of the United States it's amazing how these trains go over 200 miles per hour we were on the city light rail going about 30 miles per hour and getting passed by sedans had a girl a couple years back say she couldn't wait for new biggie smalls music to drop how many chicken nuggets come in two twelve-piece I hate ignorin see I would have asked him if he hated irony too but he had a tattoo of a bomb on his head so I thought better of it talking to a guy he asked me something about God and I answered quickly I don't believe in God long Wow for an educated woman am surprised you believe you are immortal I was very confused but he explained that because I don't believed in God I'm saying I don't believe in death because God decides who live and who dies I was honestly speechless a friend of mine bought a new lotion and excitedly told me as though it was some rare Amazonian ingredient it has real healing I'm just gonna get my aunt one of those $5 lotion sets for Christmas she doesn't really like those but it's the thought that counts okay and your thought is that you're going to get this lady something you know she doesn't like that's a bad thought just give her a card vaccines cause autism that and essential oils some guy I spoke to on reddit said that USA was the only country in the world with freedom of speech and in every other country in the world you would be jailed if you spoke against the government to this day I'm seriously not sure if he was joking or not he can't have PTSD because he's not like sad all the time that's not how any mental illness works especially PTSD but thanks for playing why did the women never have to take a DNA test to see if it's this I once heard someone say that Mexico was the state in Hawaii was a continent my significant other on a rafting trip why did they put all the biggest scariest Rapids at the beginning I had someone tell me once the United States public school system is nothing but a training ground for Isis my brain shut down after hearing that oh my gosh you spray your cat with water me I don't want her on the counter just a light spray ha why do you know that water actually hurts them right she then went on to explain that pure h2o actually really agitates the skin and it is very painful for the cat I started chuckling because I thought she was trying to be funny but she kept a straight face I'll have Mexico pay for that wall I was having a very involved conversation with my stepdad about why I'm an atheist and all this stuff I'd learned about space and the Big Bang from these books I'd read over the years and how it had changed my viewpoint of there being a creator and all that I was going into vivid detail describing key concepts about it and all the rest the whole time he was quiet and nodding like he was listening when I was done he just looks at me and grins and says matter-of-factly how do we know science is even real formally worked in a pharmacy I could go on for hours but here are some highlights no ma'am this is a suppository you were never supposed to swallow it it literally says not to do so on the package no sir this is a flu shot no it does not have a tracking device no we do not work for the government you put it where now I do not know what type of medication your dog ate no I cannot tell from the color of its vomit you should really take it to a vet no sir it has not been 30 days since your last refill on this schedule to medication I understand it is March 1st you picked it on February 1st February has 28 days sir sir here here is a calendar let's count together one two three four I'll write E who is ready for a flu show God please put your clothes back on it is just in your arm ma'am we legally cannot fill a medication without a prescription sir this is a caps you'll that is supposed to be dissolved into the babies formula not in suppository that is why it dissolved when you tried to insert it no ma'am I do not recommend having intercourse while on this cream I highly recommend against receiving oral while on this cream gag why should I have to change my beauty to get a job some teenage girl with grossly long false nails the dumbest thing I've ever said concerning Little Caesars how much is a five dollar pizza the answer surprisingly is about six dollars with tax Julie juice can grow back limbs Vietnam is a war not a country one of my friend's moms unironically said that autism was invented by women to suppress intelligent men because think about it have you ever heard of a woman with autism her son has been diagnosed with autism if it's a lorig must be right and she was in the gifted program with me a friend of mine won't brush his teeth because the florid in a brain washes people to stay calm and don't write my sister once asked us what a word she was reading meant what does I lie to write me it took us a minute to really she meant illiterate she was in high school how do you spell ID or where did the Texas Chainsaw Massacre take place a lady my family knows says stuff like the couches I sit in go glue handling V she kept on saying V when clearly at said fee and we corrected her several times and the best was I swear they are cheating us by diluting the sunflower oil with water hey if you had to choose between getting mad cow disease and being the top scientist in your field which would you choose well H do OD I think the moon is like far farther than like Pluto random dude in some sushi place when to see hunger 2008 in the cinema it is based on the last months of hunger striker Bobby Sands and his fellow inmates so a bit of a sore subject for many people in Northern Ireland towards the end of the film it's getting super emotional everyone is quiet and a woman in the back shouts out in genuine surprise oh my gawd don't tell me he dies entire theater doesn't exhaust and shoots her daggers guess she just came to see Michael Fassbender I was asked by my now wife why males get their butthole swapped with a chip for STD testing yes she legit didn't know it was your peanut is swamped I was beyond dumbfounded someone I worked with stormed into work one day saying I'm never buying a GM car again so asked why and the response was because you have to put oil in them my car stopped working yesterday and the stupid GM guys told me i sholde replaced the oil so I went out and bought a car cause they don't need to do that GM lasted about 40000 miles impressive actually the earth is flat a few weeks ago a guy out here said the idea that politicians are being influenced by corporate money was amateur I pressed him slightly and his argument quickly changed too well maybe they are being influenced by corporations but really that's a good thing because corporations have the best interest of their workers at heart then I just told him that was wrong and he replied again claiming that I was character assassinating him and making him out to be evil it was just a really bizarre conversation in the first time I've ever wondered if I was talking with some kind of bot sitting at an Indian restaurant with a large engine a sign out front two middle-aged white ladies Walker holler is this a Mexican restaurant no Karen it is not if it weren't for my horse I wouldn't have spent that year in college I Drive a black Volvo in the mornings I Drive to the bus stop park on the street and take the bus to work while looking for an empty spot I drove past fellow bust a kebab parking his car I find a spot park get out of my car and start walking back down the street towards the bus stop after walking past several cars I see Bob just finish up parallel parking his car and get out he waves me down just just at the golden Volvo directly in front of him and asks is this your car I bumped it when I was parking I don't even know where to start with all that was wrong with that he saw me drive past him in a different car and fun facts Bob and I have been taking the bus together for a year this is also the same individual that walked up to the bus stop one day saw me standing there and asked me if the bus had come yet my friend was upset cause she got pulled over at like 1:00 a.m. she literally said to me I mean seriously there shouldn't be speed limits when it's dark I had this one girl in high school asked me where does all the white stuff go when the snow melts camping in the office with my geophysicist boyfriend it's nighttime and we are staring up at the night sky looking for shooting stars me how would we navigate at night if the North Star became a shooting star bf what he then had to explain to me that shooting stars are not stars but meteors I'm not stupid I know bats aren't real my wife after my father told her about some bats he'd seen while hunting she believed that bats were vampires therefore fiction I'm a stable genius the 45th President of the United States overheard at a bar I slept with three different guys in the same night but it's okay because I took a shower between each nothing wrong with getting your bang on but showering does not prevent STDs there are no genes in my Tomatoes a German green politician talking about genetic engineering a bomb shouldn't even be president he's not even from America he's from Hawaii cyd by an American high school sophomore racism doesn't exist my uncle my grandpa was an openly racist retired cop edit if you are someone that does this you aren't fooling anyone and yes we secretly gossip about you and question your intelligence new recruits just finished eight job training all nine of the guys were going to Germany for our first assignment the sergeant asks if we had any questions one guy says I enlisted for Europe but it looks like I'm going to Germany I'm trans I have to suffer through a great lot of dumb things people want to say about me and how I want to deal with transitioning you'll never be a man else I'll call you she like dude when I'm on T for three five years you won't even know I'm trans unless I tell you which I won't because that always causes a fuss what country or country's border Wales hmm Russia I am this person have lived in Wales our whole lives well Nelson Mandela was great in Shawshank Redemption literally 10 minutes ago while working look having nuclear my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer dr. John Trump at MIT good genes very good genes okay very smart the Wharton School of Finance very good very smart you know if you're a conservative Republican if I were a liberal if like okay if I ran as a liberal Democrat they would say I'm one of the smartest people anywhere in the world it's true but when you're a conservative Republican they try oh do they do a number that's why I always start off when to Wharton was a good student went there went there did this built a fortune you know I have to give my like credentials all the time because we are a little disadvantaged but you look at the nuclear deal the thing that really bothers me it would have been so easy and it's not as important as these lives are nuclear is powerful my uncle explained that to me many many years ago the power and that was 35 years ago he would explain the power of what's going to happen and he was right who would have thought but when you look at what's going on with the four prisoners now it used to be three now it's four but when it was three and even now I would have said it so in the messenger fellas and it is fellas because you know they don't they haven't figured that the women are smarter right now than the men so you know it's gonna take them about another 150 years but the Persians are great negotiators the Iranians are great negotiators so and they they just killed they just killed us that being gay is a genetic disease whoever invented water must be really rich this show takes place in Texas right we were three days from opening night of a show called Oklahoma and he was completely serious we'd been working on it for two months at that point Christianity is not a religion commented by a Christian woman on Facebook I'm not here to discount anyone's beliefs I know many people claim it's not a religion it's a relationship with God but that literally is a religion I was working in a luxury spit mall and a guy asked me for directions to the channel store only he kept pronouncing a channel as in TV channel when I tried to correct him he said something along the lines of maybe it's channel in France but here in the good ole USA it's Channel at that point I just gave him the directions to be done with him but Wow sitting down for an hour is more unhealthy than smoking a pack of cigarettes so sitting down will give me lung cancer carrot I don't know if I like chlamydia I've never had it calimary meant calimary keep your government hands off my Medicare my sister was explaining why Joseph and Mary had to return to Jerusalem when she was pregnant to my younger sister and she said yeah but during Christmas she was around 17 at the time a girl in my chemistry class asked the teacher if IUPAC was a scientists named blood moon is red because of Mars so this was September / October 2016 me and some friends are eating lunch and we start talking about the u.s. election me and one friend are joking about whether Trump or Clinton would start a nuclear war first and our other friend says not as a joke that a nuclear war would be good so I asked why and he says paraphrasing that it would be good because it would cause all the naik stores in the states to move to Canada where we live which means we wouldn't have to pay as much for night products now up until this point we were just joking around but this guy was completely serious we tried explaining to him that that probably isn't how it would work but he just didn't believe us it was really bizarre I went to high school in Alabama classmate AB and there's only a man president because he's black elderly teacher no a banners a bad president because he's Muslim I have two couches that have the same first name someone asked me if there were twins you too to the cashier at the movie theater was helping my uncle set up a remote control Carter his grandson he was confused as to why he couldn't use the AAA batteries when it required AA's I imagine I had the look of are you serious on my face during a college biology lecture giving a high-level overview of genetics how come everything tastes good except people you know with seasonings and crap what's today's tweet from Trump my mom gets kind of loopy when she's tired she was watching some show with an old lady in it and she looked at her and said wow that lady is ancient her dad must be like even older we were standing in a lobby waiting for one of several elevators to arrive a woman said why is it that elevate has always seemed to be going up and never coming down one of my friends decided to discuss this scenario at length a few months ago so let's say you ran someone ever with your car on accident and they're lying unconscious in the street afterward but you get out of your car and give them CPR and save their life that would cancel out running them over in the first place right because you saved their life like you apologized by giving them CPR America was built on Catholic ideals I'm sure the pilgrims agree with you vaccines cause autism smelling farts builds poop in your brain which is how tumors are formed what part of New Yorkers caught him you work in San Francisco how you can't you're not gay my gloriously closed-minded racist homophobic aunt whose idea of fine literature is People magazine what's the number for 911 as a customer has a seizure in front of us I was at Disneyland with my girlfriend at the time and on our way out a couple began walking up behind us the girls started speaking much louder for some reason so my attention switched to her conversation and what would be the single greatest quote I have ever heard in person having diabetes is when you're born with it and being diabetic is when you contract it I turned around and the guy she was with gave me this I don't know what that was either look I turned around and thank Jesus I wasn't in his shoes arguing with a flat earther on FB he replies to my empirical data that I used as my proof that the earth was round by saying ya know what you keep your facts and your logic I trust what I understand he literally said to me in his own defense that he will ignore any data he does not understand that system a freaking thing I'd ever heard and still have ever heard friend what's the closest star to earth me the Sun friend wait the Sun is a star she's a dumb-dumb I once dated a girl who told me that world is so full of sin now which is why people only live to the 8090 back in biblical times people lived to be 600 BC they lived pure sin free lives we didn't last long haha when I was an undergraduate I was a student worker at the University Library we had a Muslim student at the helpdesk and my boss straight-up asked her if she wore her burka four walls these helium tanks are really heavy they must be empty said by a college chemistry major I'm pretty sure it's PTSD post-traumatic stress disorder I don't believe in evolution because if we evolved from monkeys why do we still have monkeys I asked him what's the length of the book he was reading he said eight inches no way there is only one single star in our solar system I don't have a biological father I have a real dad [Music]

Channel: Reddify2

Views: 34,260

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Keywords: reddit, askreddit, askreddit funny, top posts, top posts of r/, r/, r/askreddit, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, top posts of all time, askreddit question, askreddit top posts, ask reddit, askreddit reading, subreddit, reddit stories, best of r/askreddit, funny reddit, best reddit posts, best of reddit, reddify, toadfilms

Id: Rjocf8GMhmo

Length: 25min 43sec (1543 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 15 2020