Theo Von Hilarious Moments Compilation - Volume 2

fighting with black kids is tough I don't know if you ever fought a bunch of black dudes but they win Silly Billy for they win D dude I got jumped one time after a football game by five black dudes I don't know if you ever fought five black dudes at night just imagine you're fighting five black dudes right now close your eyes now how many black dudes are you fighting as many as your imagination can hold I I think I would love to be Mexican I don't know if I would love to be you would love to be Mexican yeah what do you mean it just seems like like um not like incarceron you know what I'm saying I'm not trying to go deep deep you know I'm trying to go like kind of safe safe Mexican you know safe Mexican yeah which is is like kind of um I would say kind of near where the Dodgers play I guess somewhere youco Park yeah you check any Native American's car you always find Jen and fur or something you know they love they keep the Dead with them a lot of times I almost knocked this unfortunately almost knocked this young lady up that was from South Dakota she lived on a reservation yeah and she like threatened to have the baby damn how old were you 37 this year it was this year and she wouldn't even be cool she wouldn't she threatened to have the baby dude and I just met her at a motel and she threatened to have a baby man and so that's how you meet back story I met her on Snapchat you did yeah and then I met her in person on a motel only hours later wow and uh it went down like that huh yeah oh jeez it was definitely so I don't recommend that kind of stuff I don't recommend making love to people off of Snapchat this South Dakota dude this was in no this was in a different city she was out of she was you know out of their whatever talk out of it how'd you talk her out she came out uh she just said immediately she's like if I have this baby I'm like what she's like yeah I'm having it what and I was like Jesus Christ that make were you like do you have a panic attack man well part of I had a ton of things I had let me think about what I had that's anyway his dog his kids he made him stay in the yard right he had electric fence on their yard and they were Pentecostals and um one of the girls let me touch her breast through that [ __ ] fence dude oh and she wore a mother's night gown I remember she wore like a like an adult woman wait a minute I missed a connection who is she to the Elvis okay and how old were you I was probably 10 or maybe 11 and she was what I don't know 40 I don't know I mean she in my mind she was right she was an adult she had a little it wasn't even a TI tits was it wasn't even a tit it was like a kid's bre I mean it was a not a kids breast SW yes well you were a kid you can't be a child molester when you're a child thank you you're welcome cuz at some point it's almost like you're holding a bag of someone and they're inside of it that's what I don't like whenever someone's old yeah you know what I'm talking about though kind of no but I I mean I like I keep going next time you hug somebody that's old uhhuh grip them in the back with both your hands like that okay and like and they're going to hold on and it's they're going to try to get away a little right and that's nature that's human nature because they'll feel the grip yeah it just is a human nature when somebody grabs you from your back you TR you want to it's an Escape thing yeah nature right so you're going to feel that and you're still going to kind of it's almost going to feel like you put somebody in a sleeping bag and held on the bag and they try to run off and that's how you feel like sex with older women is like yeah cuz I hate to say thator we didn't have a lot of Asians man we had a uh there was a rumor of an Asian when I was first what was his name I'm not sure what was the rumor what was the rumor the rumor was and I've talked about this before I've talked about this before um they had yeah they had a rumor that there was an Asian kid right and this is after cuz we got a Latino kid we got a Latino not a family just one kid congratulations one guy one guy uh Nicholas was his name and he had a little bit of light facial hair everybody was fired up about that fired there was a lot of rumors and stuff going on around about that yeah um cuz yeah people have never seen that on children you know it was like would be light hair on the face yeah like this people were like he's trying to grow a Sideburn on his on his chin yeah so anyway so the F so what the rumor of the Asian though you heard a rumor yeah they had a rumor that there was an Asian boy in Slidel Louisiana which was probably about 17 miles away and so we had to get over there yeah you know we were fired up and we thought about it for a couple weeks and then we started me two of my buddies cut grass man this kid Danny yeah uh who was a good friend of mine and he had some he had a couple of different deficiencies but he's he's doing okay now you know and he um we raised up some money saved up some money over about two months and then we caught a taxi over there yeah and we went to this place where they were supposed to have you know this Asian boy Chad I want to say the name was Chet I'm trying to think I have to text somebody probably Chang does that sound Chang Chang yeah a Chad ched I think right does sound you ever see him does that sound it doesn't sound it sounds it doesn't sound plausible it does it does it doesn't sound plausible because I've never met an Asian goddamn chat yeah there are in Southeast Asia there you go it's either um I think it's either Tai or oh well then he chatmate bro chatmate the rumor so but so we got there and it wasn't there it was a uh it wasn't there it wasn't he wasn't there the name is from the city city of Chester England so probably know probably yeah yeah and uh yeah we went there and it was just like a laundromat somebody had opened up like a new launder matter like a cleaning like a right but there was no was it the Asian run laundry mat I don't know that could have been maybe somehow that got diffused when by the time it got toss you know after that I mean I guess I kind of gave up on it after the yeah yeah yeah after the noow of chat but that's that oldfashioned jerking off when you used to let your balls hit your hand that's a straight up that's a confederate soldier jerking off that's the old fashion jerking off the new thing is just shaft only nobody's [ __ ] with their balls anymore you know dude when I was growing up we couldn't even get porn we had to get this dude Nick on Friday would draw us a picture of some [ __ ] you know a little bit of crot for the weekend $4 to this dude Nick $4 for drawings bro you'd pay eight and he had a nice [ __ ] thing bro when you would fold that thing up bro you could feel it Heating in your butt pocket the whole way on the bus you'd even was that good the pictures were that good he was so good jerk off this guy's drawings oh everybody would he must have made probably $60 on a Friday and this was in 1995 you know that was $60 like 160 today oh yeah think about that yeah I'm thinking about it yeah dude and we'd come back on Monday and people would have like these [ __ ] busted ass looking all sketches rain on them people was like oh this one got rain on it like bro that's they that rain H your [ __ ] kids in it you're lying about that what percentage do you think of the internet is dedicated to porn all internet traffic everything but bro I can't go on anything I looked at a chair the other day 35% % 35% of the internet traffic is porn that's what I want to say what do you want to say yep I would say that if you had a guess oh that's high I think think it's high well it's easy for I'm going to go 30 cuz I'm G to play that undercard and I'm going to say that 25% of that is butt porn butt pornography people looking inside of each other's butts I remember the first time we had a conversation you were talking to somebody about being a kid and playing gay chicken oh yeah you know when I was young we used to play this game called Gay Chicken they called it uh I didn't name the game but I was you know I I the game existed and then I then I existed um was it your uncle was it the neighbor well the game was you you and a buddy you'd grab each other's wiener penis they call it in those days some of you guys call it penis but uh yeah you'd grab it and the first person to get an erection lost the game right so it's like arm wrestling for simp it's the stupidest [ __ ] game no it's not simple I mean it is did you win did you ever win or did you lose did you lose a lot or did you win a lot oh I did real well one season uh what is the gay chicken season what does that go from it's more of a win it's I would say it's an Autumn game yeah I would say it's kind of that's I think I can see it now that all the leaves changing colors and just did two of you what do you play with neighbors or the teams or no you just got I we only had about seven that played in our little bracket or whatever but they had you know what's weird you know what's interesting you have seven guys in your bracket yet it's a two-man game yeah and so there's an odd number oh yeah does it have to be two man can't you like do it in a circle oh come on lady no do you go on only fans at all no I logged on one night and then I logged off you know I'm trying to stay off of masturbation stay off touch of my own wiener really yeah I don't I don't need to do and I'm doing cool you know I feel better when I don't do it how many girls have started to make make a living off of only fans now that would just normally have a job and never get paid the same amount of money well it's one of the reasons why we're not seeing that many hot chicks working at Chipotle I think is that what it is they go only fans I think it's gonna it's definitely but how they get an audience like just cuz you're hot and you show your [ __ ] they bait through their Instagram yeah dude you know no two [ __ ] are the same is that true I'm sure it's like a fingerprint that's crazy they're going to use that from now on to get into the bank it's like you're retin a scan I mean if you really think about how many girls are making like stupendous amounts of money on only fans oh it's baffling but do you do you also think Joe that whoa only fans is over 1 million creators so what well let's imagine that's an that's worldwide up from 70,000 in 2019 so all those people jumped on board during the pandemic that make sense this is my question then do you think it's going to get to a point right where if we start losing jobs right and there's less jobs and more people are on like only fans right that you're basically to have chicks out there like literally people women holding each other at gunpoint like you know subscribe to my [ __ ] stuff like that like you know what I'm saying like I don't know what you're saying you know help Jamie Jamie can you pull up some help pull up some help I need some help man like it's all just digital it's all online and it's just like people just like subscribe to me now you know like literally at gun like that's how bad it's going to get I don't think that's going to happen but I think there's going to be a lot of people that are doing that to make a living the problem is where's the money coming from is it going to be subscribers paying other subscribers is it going to be like a hierarchy like someone who makes like a million dollars a month paying someone who makes $100,000 a month who pays someone who makes $10,000 a month is it is it going to be a pyramid scheme for [ __ ] yeah I don't almost get buy a fake [ __ ] somewhere and put it out there I don't think that's good enough I think you have to have the whole body attached to it like what do most girls on only fans do do they they show like bikini pictures like what are they doing showing feet there's bikini pictures I know that there's like meetups where like manager companies like have them all go to like a location together like at the beach and then they do like you know tit touching and like uh you know uh they get together smelling each other's C you know like stuff oh and so that gets everybody excited and then they get more like so they have St animals do like stuff animals do before their owner pulls them away real quick I heard that a lot of these girls with they're when they're interacting with people online they're not really doing it that they hire a company and then someone writes these letters because like if you feel like you're going to respond to people and text them like how many of them are you going to do this to like how many can you how many days I mean how much hours in the day do you have and if people don't know how many you're responding to or who's doing it like if you have like say if you have a million subscribers on only fans and you get a 100,000 messages a month yeah you got to have somebody helping you maybe they just have a person like a service who writes like sexy things like thank you sweetie heart heart kiss blowing kiss you know yeah like you're so sweet thank you and there a fat guy writing those things you know well first of all I'm not going to do my own surgeries you know no you shouldn't yeah people have oh dude I got CED up with this girl one time and let her try to cut something out of my hip and uh she said she could do like surgery small surgeries I guess she I could take your appendix out basic [ __ ] yeah she was out of her [ __ ] M of course she was anyone that agreed so did she cut you oh yeah yeah yeah really cut into this thing on my hip yeah it's now it's actually scarred up pretty bad I'll show you it just it's not crazy but now it's gotten in oh [ __ ] but it looks like a cyst oh is it oh I don't know you're not gon to ask a real doctor dude and cocaine oh go back to that vest story man said well here's what happened so I you know I would get I would do some cocan at to and put on these different vest how many did you buy again I don't know I spent too much on them but I would probably say the priciest one I had was probably about $210 nice damn yeah and so I would get [ __ ] up and put these vests on and put on sunglasses not no like Buffalo Bill [ __ ] but at least partying by myself you know and one time I was making a smoothie you know cuz I you know I have I got like a new I don't know what kind of blender it is but it was pretty nice and I was making like a nice smoothie and I'm [ __ ] coked up I'm partying you know I'm living high on the hall got these two vests on maybe right and I thought I thought I heard something outside right which is kind of weird to even think of when you have a blender going right so I leave out of my apartment to go in the hallway lock myself out with the blender going 2:30 in the morning coked up out of my brain right now I have to go to my landlord dude who lives right down the hall no and tell him like Hey man 2:30 in the morning I got locked out the blender's on son oh my God he must have hated you oh the blender shorts out and smoke happens the fire uh alarm starts going off in the building right as I'm at his door knocking right oh my God so now he's pissed and he's like what's going on and I didn't know what to say I told him that I was throwing a late Christmas party dude it was [ __ ] end of January how old were you at the time huh oh this is two and a half years ago so I was 35 I was 35 bro so he comes back to my apartment right he's [ __ ] pissed he unlocks the door there's nobody in there oh so Billy conforto remember you talked about him RI Billy conforto right yes he died in the embankment yeah yeah so he was a buddy of mine when I was young you know he was um you know I told you a little bit he was a bus boy basically the pride of what is it lucern uh from llas llas yeah he was a fighter he's one of America's first homosexual fire uh not firefighters f Fighters what yeah so he could beat anybody's ass dude and then he was a fight in the in the he was a professional fighter he was Semi-Pro I think like he beat people up like in the area but you're saying he was the first homosexual fist Fighter by far then name one that's Billy that's Billy yeah you're openly gay dude who beat somebody's ass bro uh no there yeah chat would be the first man I think about that kind of stuff like if a plane crashed I already know I'm playing ahead dude I'd eat a Vietnamese guy why um because it's easy it's a starter move if you attack somebody bigger if you eat somebody bigger in front of other people it's going to alarm people but you you got to eat a small person so stature is important I think if you gum down a vet people aren't going to be that upset at you well the Vietnamese people are going to be super upset what are you talking about somebody's dad yeah they're sacrif they're more understanding of things dude this this a character you're playing no but if you eat a black dude you eat a black lady and her family's there they're going to be pissed so you think a Vietnamese person would let you slide I think that they'd be much more forgiving over a couple of day period I think uh they relatives you don't think so honestly one thing no I don't think so I definitely think they'd be super pissed at you especially modernized ones but what is interesting is like Vietnam is one of the few places where um Americans can go back to Vietnam and they don't seem to hold any Grudge at all exhibit a exhibit a man honestly well Asian people in general are are just much more forgiving and understanding it seems like I feel like I think I mean I don't have much I think I think that's a giant generalization it probably is you know I mean I did a fast for like four days and then I was at the Best Buy and um and I remember this Vietnamese guy was trying to help me out and I couldn't even hear him I was so hungry and I couldn't you did a fast for 4 days oh dude yeah what were you trying to prove I don't know man I was probably just dealing with some stuff and I was just trying to find a different way to handle it you know right um and then I remember this Vietnamese guy and I remember thinking if everybody turn the other way for a second I could eat this young fella you know Ben his name was Ben actually over there in Westwood um but and i' never thought oh my God it's so ridiculous well I mean but here's the thing I'd never thought that before so you only thought you got to the verge of cannibalism after Just 4 days yeah damn how much weight did you lose I probably lost about 4 lbs but pounds needed too you know but I got clear man I could and I could hear swear to God y I could hear somebody fold a piece of bread from 80t away bro I was so hungry dude I could hear a [ __ ] Skittle hit the cement across the street I really could well you know bees are dying too yeah bees are dying from the heat is it the heat Yep they're evaporating they ejaculate and their whole body blows up is that real bring it up Jamie I'm going to [ __ ] do something in here today this at temperatures over 107° f is estimated that half of male honeybees will die in this manner within 6 hours with more sensitive individuals dying after only two or three hours the headline is the manor there oh bees ejaculating themselves to death and heat waves [ __ ] yeah baby spring bra baby I thought you Mak [ __ ] up click on that told me black guys come has music in it have you heard that dude I heard you and that guy they they were talking about y'all were talking about horse sex and in the uh when I pulled up in the lobby I was like oh okay this my kind of place today dude I saw in New Orleans one time they had uh a lot of the cops in the French Quarter on Horseback and two of the horses started [ __ ] with with the cops on him bro with the cops getting mad uh one of them was we had this one guy he used to give us maybe $4 or something and he' to look in his ass bro and he'd walk about about like 20 ft off and hold his ass open as long as we looked we got the money so just [ __ ] like that just B partner did he who who made sure you look how could how could he who made sure you got paid that's what I want to know he gave the money first okay got you got you cuz that would be a shitty deal at a certain point you were you were kind of grandfather in if he knew you were going to look you kind of got the money up front you were grandfather in dude I remember when I was young the first fell I even ever masturbated to was a buddy who had big tits like that you know I knew dude I mean you know I grew up around some [ __ ] real crazy poor white people you know the dude no they had a dude in our town no arms used to [ __ ] fight everybody you know that dude you know what I'm saying he'd get you in that Lurch he would catch you with his between his chin in his chest he would [ __ ] snack you like a snake we were talking about this dude that his boy Gert was his name and he would just get you like that bro and he choke you down he had no arms no arms at all and he' fight anybody dude and he would choke you he would so if you went to punch him how would he block oh bro he spin out of it he'd spin he duck he dodged the dude had F I mean he just and would he catch your hand with his neck huh would he catch your hand oh he just lurt at you and bro the thing is here was the oh you know what if he hit you with that shoulder you're going down yeah part of it the big move was that choke he would get he would catch you like this where would he catch you your hand and your neck he would catch you neck to neck that's [ __ ] once he got you neck to neck G you but this whole family the whole family was [ __ ] he could choke you out psychos bro brother had sharpened half of his teeth on one side of his mouth dude these people would [ __ ] you up one of the kids was in a wheelchair just they never taught him to walk I think I don't even think he was crippled they just never taught him to walk and so the other brother would carry him on his back everywhere like a backpack dude okay you just got to monitor what's going on cuz I just yeah I don't like to I didn't like to party I just like to put myself in a crazy situation [ __ ] yeah me too you I was that's what I was thinking about the whole time you're saying that I go I don't miss the drugs I miss the 6:00 on the din or waking up and some girl gives you an Audi to drive home you're like what the [ __ ] just happened last night yeah dude I was in Louisville one time I came out of a show they had a big group in a limousine they invited me to go to Afterparty with them right I was like I'm only coming if my boy can come in like who's your boy and I'm like L Cedric they had a brother nearby right wearing this Louis Vuitton jacket dude probably about 60% homeless right and they're like that's your boy and I didn't even talk to this dude right I was like yeah that's my boy like all right he can come so I [ __ ] walk over him looking right in the eyes and I was like what's up man I'm Theo he's like ledric and uh I was like all right dude I told these people you're my friend you ever been in a limousine he's like nuh-uh I was like all right come get in with us just act like you're my friend right we're going to a party he's like all right man so we go in the limo bro we're in there hot chicks dudes people [ __ ] Lil Cedric kept saying we're friends that's what he kept saying out loud right kind of [ __ ] not the best actor bro what did we get to this house party it's a nice cool [ __ ] party bro I'm downstairs I'm in the kitchen somebody's making us a drink I'm talking to somebody [ __ ] 6 minutes later I hear [ __ ] somebody scream I hear a window break right somebody comes running down they said some dude just stole like four verses out of the coat room upstairs and [ __ ] jumped out of window that would have been me DG Silly Billy for dude I remember when I was young the first fell I even ever masturbated to was a buddy who had big tits like that

Channel: Silly Billy 4 Really

Views: 532,912

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Id: rfonbpU32oc

Length: 23min 48sec (1428 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 14 2023