The Unbearable Weight of a Massive Ego

sorry i'm a little late i had to do my get ready thing i do in front of the mirror that all streamers do if you don't know after you get out of the shower and after you do your hair and you get something to eat you have some water i like many others go in front of the mirror i just point at myself and i go own it own it own it own it own it own it own it for about 25 minutes what uh what's that no mean sweater experiments today we're going to play a game about traveling through time the game is called no time it's a game about driving around in a car that car has time travel capabilities it is a car game just let you know it is this is a car game go back to 23 years ago oh no you guys are still doing the 20 yeah what are you still on the 23 thing can't wait for 2023. go how do we how do we end that joke do you know how unbearable 2023 is gonna be on this channel if we don't end that joke we have to find an exit for it i could i'm going to give you another number six six isn't that number six cool there's so many things that you can add up to make six two plus two plus two is six seven minus one is six six times zero is zero but six six six that's the devil number isn't that a that's a crazy number isn't it that's a scary number you know what number i really don't like the number six because like 666 that's devil i'm scared of the devil now don't meme that one don't don't meme that one don't do that no i fucking hate that did it work all right let's go see what would have been really funny is if i had been in a back to the future costume with goggles and a big lab coat and before i turned the stream on my webcam i was like oh here we go and oh we're gonna go for it we're gonna find a future we're gonna go back to the future and it was i was in a back to the future costume and that would be funny that would be richard nixon that was not that was not richard nixon i can't you can't do all right listen this is important for all of you watching at home if i do a a doc impression i'm doing a rick impression and you all hate that nobody can ever do a doc impression ever again because you're just doing rick from rick and morty you understand like i would have tried to go into it and really do it but it would have been uh it would have been rick let me try to do a dog oh morty we're gonna be careful put that get back in there and we're gonna go back back in time to shave actually it is different maury worry we gotta recap i don't know guys i've never seen all these movies i've never seen them i just know i know christopher christopher lloyd right his name's morty not marty marty not what oh i just dropped everything all right stop let's go get in the fucking car all right here we go it's time to set our destination we are going to go to type a date and time um what am i pressing date 12. what did i just do type a date and confirm i just wanna who shot me [Music] what what did i just explode i don't know what just happened why am i like fucking three feet tall what a terrible nightmare [Music] hello open up hello shut this off you better have made some progress by now edward but tell me you finished the reactor i did but awesome come on now there's a little there's little time our supervisor will show up soon we need the machine to be ready holy shit this guy the time machine come on now we got no time all right grab the reactor and follow me to the elevator let's go oops put your hand in the door i dropped the reactor put your hand in the door all right let's go where are we going i'm holding the reactor you press the button to go to the lobby for the ah give me a break why would i have to do this i'm holding a fucking nuclear reactor or whatever this is i'll do it i'm sorry if somebody has one of these they're going like this and they're going to be a person in front a person to each side and a person behind walking with them all moving step by step at the same time and there's gonna be somebody literally there's gonna be something attached to this stomach like a big umbrella underneath them so like if they drop it it just goes right into like a big chute like on it like an umbrella there's no way somebody's holding this in their hands like this remember our little theory session this shift happens when your activity in space time reaches a certain threshold time itself morphs around your actions wiping your past selves since you or anything you left in that time weren't meant to be there ah of course it's the grandpa paradox i think the grandpa paradox is if you go back in time before you were born you technically weren't born so therefore your grandfather had to have been alive first for you to be alive so therefore you can't exist in that time frame it's called the grandpa paradox no no no no no it's if you go back in time and kill your grandfather then you can't exist so you disappear and you fade out like in the movies why would you do that i don't know oh yeah i got a time machine the first thing i'm gonna do oh man i could go see anything in human history i could go forward i could see what the world looks like i can see what happened back when the dinosaurs no i think i was gonna go kill my grandfather and disappear what well yeah why would i do that why would i do that that's a chad move no it's not giga chad goes back in time to kill his grandfather this is the grandfather this is the grandpa paradox right bigger changes would probably oh no the grandpa paradox is if you go swat a mosquito on your arm then your grandfather never meets your grandmother because everything can change possibly and then when you go forward in time you look out the window and it's raining donuts and you wish you would have stayed in that timeline but you you got really freaked out at something that happened at the family dinner table so you left before it started raining the donuts i understand i understand it's a fucking simpsons episode you say i'm the one that's not a cultured media viewer that happened in the simpsons and all you questions marking me and everyone says simpsons are the best fucking tv show ever made and that was back when the simpsons were in the first 10 years of its existence not the last 20 years of his ex existence to me the the last 20 years of the simpsons existence has been like an ipad ad for like a mobile game for my like trailer i did that's the same thing for me the last like 10 to 15 years of the simpsons has been like an ipad trailer i just like i skip it i don't want to watch this what are we doing leave me alone i'm fucking relaxing the best donuts i don't have any money i just take them sell the car um all right so what is the what does the quest want me to add what does it say go first buy some snack i don't have any money where am i supposed to get you're telling me to buy snacks but you're not telling me where i get money something in the trunk what the fuck why there's so much there's so much back there you don't have your hazmat suit on i don't care i don't give a shit no that's wrong somebody pulls up hey can i give you a hand there stranger yeah can you come in here can you hold this all right we got 100 uranium i'm ready i'm ready to go okay we've got uranium i'm going to april 14th 1984 at 10 o'clock at the morning i'm just well i want to see if it works here we go all right all right i'm back it is currently april 14th 1984 at 10 o'clock look at everyone's don't be alarmed you'll be talking about this for centuries motherfuckers this would be that this would be the number one article on top of every webpage you know what's yeah i got out and i punched that guy yep you know what's funny though that guy will be on every that guy will have be interviewed for every major news outlet i probably i've ever made that guy fucking at least a hundred thousand dollars that guy's gonna write a book and everyone will buy it because like you're the guy that like the time traveler interacted with [Laughter] [Music] i always just fucking exploded in like a nuclear reaction i kind of okay i would this is what i would do if i had a time machine and i had unlimited uses on the time machine i would go into this donut shop right and i would go there and i'd be like how are you how are you good to see you and i would be like and check that out bring it back i'd say something really like odd just specific and i would hand the money and i would leave and then i would come back like five years later and i would do the same exact thing i would just be a fucking customer at that point who cares the person wouldn't even remember that you were there they wouldn't give a shit at all you would just be a customer coming in again like after five years why would i time travel to do that that would be stupid they would have forgotten that you came in and they would have been like oh that guy was kind of weird i mean that guy maybe was in the area maybe he doesn't live here that would be fucking dumb never mind go to year one let's go fine where my headlights [Laughter] whatever shut up i was i just got a little startled where's jesus jesus jesus i have a lot of important stuff to tell you they were there with a snow in one a d don't you feel like that all this stuff like we shouldn't be here i know that's not that far away but it kind of feels like it should be right i feel like there wasn't grass think about that right i feel like there wasn't grass in like 600 million bc i ca kind of why isn't that weird to think about n a education no i know that it existed i'm just saying it's weird to think about i guess it's really not that interesting what would be so interesting here it's just outside what is it i don't know what everyone was expecting even if there were dinosaurs or even the word the other animals it'd probably be pretty hard to find them okay if you if i if you walked into the woods right now and your goal was i'm going to find a bear you probably wouldn't like what are you talking to this that's just not going to happen they could they could there's so much surface area they could be anywhere it would take like hours potentially to find one at least an hour which i've not given in more than an hour to look for a dinosaur the airbag just fucking hits me in the face it's just unconscious how would this change the course of human history because there's nuclear shit in here somebody would find this and i would change the complete course of all history let's go to like nine nine nine nine no not that's too easy let's go somewhere weird i don't wanna go to one and then nine nine nine nine okay i'll go to 23 23. that sounds fun and i just said to not do that number but whatever i'm we're here 12 25 christmas at i don't know somewhere in like the evening let's go oh no civilization what happened no this is a bad this is not a good christmas 25 wait what this thing bugged i don't the difference between one and 25 a.d is not that long i didn't type it in wrong the maximum was 20 30. oh that's right so [Music] the earth oh this sucks christmas doesn't exist in 25 25 whatever i'm gonna find a settlement i'm gonna run around screaming you'll never be the same you'll never be the same none of you will ever be the same i'm gonna go like this with a lighter then i'm gonna show my phone to everybody i'm gonna go like this and i'm gonna leave it's a fucking dinosaur i'm in the car i'm in the car what are you talking about i'm literally in the car did i kill him did i kill him i don't know if i killed him i'm sure that won't affect anything okay if i fed this weird alien creature of cheeseburger would it change genetic makeup throughout all of history of animals what the fuck is happening in the car go get in the car get in the car there's a bunch of sciences that definitely want to see you all right whatever fuck you guys i'm i'm going to 1500 a.d see you later have fun with the fucking meteor oh shit after a lengthy interrogation i managed to deduct that the thieves have been hiding underneath the well known waterfall in the west that's when i ambushed and defeated the 20 bandits and their boss my new friend helped me in the ambush by his clever distraction i recovered a load of redacted material from the cave all the captured bandits are to be relocated to isla de lo tantos charged for robbery by the speedy aid of my friend this is they're talking about me 1871. the robbery of pine island nationally occurred march 15th 1871 at 1 20 p.m all right 12 o'clock march 15 1871 12 o'clock pine island national bank write it down [Music] all right the bank they're gonna rob the bank turn that off turn it off turn it off go tell the sheriff sheriff sheriff listen to me am i too late what exploded what did i just do i didn't just blow up the bank get out of the fucking way sheriff sheriff everything's safe no it's not safe oh my god what time is it wait they already robbed it is that them robbing the bank what i did it why were they coming out of my car as if i brought them here i backed up the car into the bank and they all started getting out of the car where are they going bill banker said what was that bill if you're not been paying attention this entire time where's the gold my gold i guess i have to open up the reserves and the bunker wait why does the sheriff not have a gun the sheriff doesn't have a gun this is fucked up he says i have to hide the car these are the time police why they they're not the other about the time police they're time agents what are you talking about they're time agents i am i'm so confused let me bully you wait what why did they kill that guy what's happening why they're dressed like they're from this time period all right all right they should be coming any second now yep here they come from what direction did they come though what a beautiful day bill banker what go go go wait wait wait wait wait wait what's going on you suck and this game sucks well why don't you go break some leaves then what are you doing here why don't you go rake some leaves you don't if you don't like the game and you don't like me what is keeping you here don't you go why don't you go fucking break some leaves what do you want to do for you it's summer so go rake some rocks oh dude your stream sucks this game sucks my computer sucks my like i have a virus on my computer you i i had some smells in my room some smells in my room too oh by the way oh i um i ordered something from amazon i didn't get here today it was supposed to get her i don't know man what do you want to say i don't spray some air pressure in your room this game doesn't suck you just you just don't have iq like i do to understand it all right well that was fun that was a cool little game we're gonna move on i just wanted to play it i thought and i was gonna play it whatever i think it was really cool we're gonna move on to another game that i have been sitting on for a while this is a singing game it's called one hand clapping you have to sing to play the game i will find out if it was any good hopefully this can pick up my microphone it says a microphone is required to play which i have well what the fuck hello can you guys hear this oh okay use wired headphones oh no wait a minute i'm gonna should i mute myself if i do this you'll just hear me right [Music] okay this is me muting the actual microphone and i i i'm speech jamming myself because i heard oh my god the meter should light up when you see and i can't [Applause] i hear everything i actually have to keep this off this is gonna be so stupid what a terrible stream [Music] [Music] it's like an ambulance driving by really fast [Music] [Music] what's going on [Music] holy shit that's what i fucking sound like that was like no way that's scary hello ladies and gentlemen episode one of germa brown series where i play minecraft my series [Music] singing is fucking hard not even trying i'm not gonna sing an entire song to get this thing to fucking move up and down it's just [Music] [Music] it works it's okay jeremy you look skinny no i'm like 170 pounds i'm a fat fuck people are i'm skinny i'm 5'7 170 pounds that's that's not oh that's not that's overweight that's actually fucking overweight yeah i'm not six two i'm literally five seven and a half and yes i may be a little overweight what do you mean bjork i don't sound like bjork what do you mean fucking bjorn [Music] [Music] the whole thing is fucked up now i can't play anymore all i think is [Music] up here that's what i heard you fucked up the whole screen you fucked my whole stream [Music] hear that i'm sorry i'm so glad i have a container to puke and do [Music] i'm so glad i have a computer to puke into [Laughter] i can't hear anything i said i didn't mean to say computer i meant to say [Laughter] i'm being speech jammed you don't understand i don't i don't even know what happened if i can't i don't remember what happened i need a clip i don't remember what just happened no i didn't puke i just i spit what was in my mouth i i had it that does look like i actually threw up you don't see me i put i drank another sip what the fuck it actually is like i puked we lost a thousand viewers during this by the way i think i think 2 000 people left in the last like 15 minutes viewers plummeting somebody just said i'm close to leaving [Music] okay [Music] [Music] imagine raging at a game like this i was about to punch the microphone i was going to punch the microphone [Music] there we go okay put in emote only go for it i'm going online i'm not going to tell you when i'm going to go because i don't want anyone to i don't want anyone to know where i'm going i apologize to the 3 000 people that left over the course of the last four hours considering that it was uh probably one of this is one of the best ones i've done this year all right i'm not going to tell you when i'm going to click it for the stream sniper andy's out there what the fuck am i doing what's wrong with me what i muted the game dude i need to eat a fucking bag of peanuts or something i swear to god i muted the game and thought that was what oh my okay honest to god holy shit dude you've got to be kidding me i'm just not with it today oh it's a while dude [Music] what the clock ticker i had five seconds why did i have 10 seconds listen motherfucker it's train station okay just win i don't i did not expect it to be like five seconds i'm sitting there going yeah train station i'm like okay and i was like oh i i can't it's all vowels are you ready so i'm sitting here looking and i'm like wait okay i can't it's i have to buy the vowels it was the only vowels left and i'm just like i can't find them because i was trying to make some extra money i know what it is contestants ahead was them where's them where's them where's them where's them it's not magnets oh shit oh shit oh shit oh i got time i got time i got time i got time oh fuck up oh nuts it's got to be like nuts bang nuts fang of fangs i have no idea i thought it was i was switched to the whatever okay i'm gonna be the funny guy what is it what possibly could this be king nuts [Music] i was gonna say that's a word he doesn't know it either he doesn't know it either [Music] a king nuts all right that was a warm-up [Music] catcher you i mean i'm just gonna fucking guess there's one this one letter left catcher yeah demir catcher yeah is it two r's it might just be two r's it's probably two it's either two r's or it's a yeah to mirror no it's not yeah there's no way there's no way it's definitely it's two hours is it yadamir or just two hours right i don't know it's not fucking eat unfortunately since no one had the i think it's time just this is a warm-up round guys here goes one warm-up warm-up warm-up battered that's not what it is man well i mean now i know it's battered battered fish battered eggs stop yes oh wait a minute water is it buttered water why would you have buttered water contestant number two would you like to solve buttered water iced water filtered fucking water that guy fucked me up with the battered enjoy your day that's not even that's not a phrase that's just gen that's generic language that's not a oh a phrase enjoy your day that's me speaking let's meet speaking of language to you enjoy your day that's not a phrase that's literally me saying uh that's not a phrase i guess you'll be it's literally just language it's just i just said hi is okay is how are you a phrase no it's just me asking how are you doing it's not a phrase better tiger okay that was a warm up let's get this round started with the first phrase i know it yeah you are what you eat you are both of uh and oh my god how how did i make it to 30 fucking six contestant numbers and r of two yeah sure jeremy reading the mod chat somebody says dude there's lead in your water this is close scented dryer sheets scented scented good job [Music] scented candles scented i don't know sent it something sent it something sent it something scented drawer sent to draw what are you talking about who has a scented drawer in their house what kind of fucked up weirdo are you that you have a scented like like a clothing draw what are they talking about what are these fucked up terms that nobody has or nobody uses what in the name of god is this fucking product scented draw liners no one has these incredible how did you come up no not a single solitary fucking human on earth a scented drawer liner your drawers smell what we get any help i'm dead it seems we're out of luck wait in your okay is to keep clothes fresh i don't want that i don't want to have some fucking chemical ass smell in my draw what's the point of cleaning your clothes yes i'm serious what's the point of doing laundry if you're gonna put your clean clothes into a scented drawer what it's for a kitchen why do you want your utensils to smell like what what i don't get it i don't understand what that's for what is the fucking first word i guess you'll be paying for dinner tonight are you ready to solve contestant number two baseball diamond earrings this game is fucking terrible [Music] what a what a dog shit game this really is baseball diamond before and after baseball diamond earrings you just picked three random words that's not a phrase that's not a before and after you just picked three random words and put them together and it said it was a fucking random name f l ten is u10 if none of these work f10 sub f tensor actin eltons l10 [Music] elton style uten why don't i know what this is i what the fuck is this fucking word what is this word man what is this word contestant number two please extensible extensive background uh extensive background extensive background what drugs are you on if that's a word that you've ever used you swing an axe at male budget no you won't oh yeah i will i like i i should have been like a boxer i wouldn't get touched once i wouldn't get hit by one punch it would be like i wouldn't get it one time if i was in the medieval times and if we were like we were in a battle i wouldn't get once somebody said you're hallucinating dude fuck off you would have died of the plague out of a punch in the face or an axe to the head yeah i i would have eaten the old sandwich on the ground and died from the plague that would be etched on my gravestone but oh my gravestone would say thank you here lies sir jeremy albertson quite interesting swift visited the customers and it would say we could have my record on it it would be like 500 and zero 500 to zero zero german you danced on stream once it had to take a month off no i danced on stream and realized how bad my condition was so then i decided to take a month off i could dance right now and be fine no i'm not going to do that there was no acts involved there was no there was no battle axe there was no sword no broadsword no bastard a larping event thing or like a martial artist place and go there and be like come get me and just dodge everything is this going to end up like didn't steven seagal do this he was like pushing people over how fucking funny would it be though if i like got a real professional martial artist facility to humor me and they just beat the shit out of me i was like all right let's go and it was just like oh wow and i had to fuck it i was like stop stop i'm sorry that was the whole stream and then it i turned it off

Channel: 2ndJerma

Views: 332,610

Keywords: jerma, jerma985, stream, highlight, no time, wheel of fortune

Id: xFVc3fTspv4

Length: 43min 24sec (2604 seconds)

Published: Mon Oct 17 2022