The TRUE Laws of Attraction | Song of Solomon Part I

[Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] well hey everybody welcome back to another livestream here on the beat it's Friday happy Friday to everybody I am so so so excited about this new series and do me a favor if you're able to see me okay and hear me okay audio and video is good just give me a quick thumbs up and let me know that everything is good and that way we can proceed with the live stream I do a lot of videos on this channel answering questions grabbing a verse here verse there and formulating you know a answer to some of the difficult questions but there is nothing I love more than taking a book of the Bible and breaking it down verse by verse super excited for this series and so not only are we going to learn about relationships we're gonna dig in but more importantly I'm gonna model for you the process of how you should study the Bible and essentially how you should study a particular book of the Bible starting from the beginning all the way through to the end alright people that give me a thumbs up so that lets me know that we are good to go and let's see where everybody is chiming in from we got some people from audio videos good thank you so much let's see here we got people from South Africa and if it ever audio video ever has an issue just refresh your browser and it should be good for you I've saw some people from the UK from Tanzania that is here this is awesome what an amazing time that we live in that we're able to with the touch of a button be able to communicate with people all throughout the world so let me first start off by saying thank you thank you thank you thank you because without you without your support without you sharing without you commenting without you subscribing without you telling your friends and your grandma mom and your brothers and all of the people that you share this to this channel with we wouldn't be where we are today we wouldn't be able to get the Word of God out to as many people so I just want to say thank you so much because you are the heart and soul of what's happening here on the beat alright so a couple of housekeeping things because we want to respect your time as always we know some of you are taking lunch breaks and we want to dig into the content as soon as possible but a couple of things first and foremost if you are not subscribed to the channel I would encourage you to go ahead and subscribe go ahead and hit that subscribe button so that you will be notified of all future videos that are released on this channel if you hit that Bell notification you'll get a notification letting you know whenever we have new content coming out and for those of you who may not know who I am my name is Alan Parr and I am the founder and owner of this YouTube channel the beat which stands for Biblical encouragement and truth and so I am just excited to be here with you all today a few other little housekeeping things if you are excited about how to study the Bible and you really want to learn like how to go deeper you're tired of just staying on the surface and you're tired of kind of just learning how to basically just reading the Bible but not really knowing how to go into depth in terms of what we're going to do today I want to encourage you to check out our course it's called Bible study made easy and that's exactly what it's designed to do it's designed to make your Bible study an easy and enjoyable process so that it's something that you will be able to hear from God on a regular basis and you won't need people like me although you'll hopefully still listen but you won't be in a place of total desperation of needing someone else to teach you the Word of God you'll be able to get that straight from God so if you're interested you can go to Bible study made easy dot-com and you can find a little bit more about that also if you would like to support this ministry you can do so at Alan Park com4 slash support we sell them ask for any sort of financial donations just because we don't want people to question the integrity of what we're doing here so that's why you'll sell them if ever hear us doing that but if God lays it on your heart and you would like to support us financially we want to let you know how you can do that because many have asked so you can just go to Alan Park calm for its last support and you can pledge either a ongoing monthly donation or a one-time gift no gift great or small of whatever gift greater small is going to be much appreciated and will be used to help this ministry move things forward so thank you so much everybody and let's see-oh a couple of other things let's see t-shirts yeah so if you like this t-shirt that I'm wearing we got a new line of t-shirts out this one is called Christ over culture super excited about this one and we've got a few different t-shirts here one of them says he said what he said Jesus all right now that's a little spoof off of a something else that somebody said but basically the idea here is that whatever God said in his word you could take it to the bank it is a promise so he said what he said Jesus that means I can I can take it to the bank I can claim the promises of God and then my personal favorite one that I haven't gotten in yet it's on its way to the house should be here any day it just simply says truth John 14:6 I am the way the truth and the life no one comes to the Father but through me super excited about that we've got it in different colors and then we also have this one that I'm wearing right now Christ over culture and so if you are interested in getting any of those you can do that by going to teespring com 4ch last stores force last the - beat the - store - - now that's too much for you to remember and write down at this time don't worry about it because it is going to be in the description of all of our videos and you can check out our merchandise there okay now that we got all the business stuff out of the way right I got to get through all of that let's dig into the word okay let's dig into the word now we never want to approach the word of God the Holy Word of God without praying and asking God to open up our eyes so that we can see everything that God wants us to see so hopefully you are as excited if you can't tell I am pumped up I'm ready to go because we're about to dig into a phenomenal book and we're going to talk about something that all of us are interested in relationships we all want to have better relationships so let's jump in in a word of Prayer Heavenly Father we thank you so much for this day we give you praise honor and glory for everything that you are doing in our lives God we would be remiss if we do not pray for all the things that are going on in our world right now first and foremost we pray against this corona virus this Kovach 19 pandemic that has swept our world we pray God that you would comfort those who have lost loved ones we pray Lord that you would be with all of our medical workers Lord that are putting themselves on the front lines of the battle putting themselves in harm's way every single day god we pray also for all the the medical experts and the scientists and everybody that's trying to come up with a vaccine and a cure for this God would you give them wisdom so that this virus will not take more lives God we also pray Lord for those who are involved with some of the police brutality we pray for our police officers Lord that you'd give them wisdom I pray that you would protect all of our police officers many of most of whom are wonderful wonderful people God and we pray that you would protect them we also pray that you protect the lives of any whether it's white black velour but specifically during this time many African American young men and young women whose lives are in jeopardy God so we just pray that you protect all and that justice would be served Lord so god we love you we praise you and most importantly we pray that your spirit would lead us in this study as we study this book in Jesus name we pray amen a couple people asked are the shirts available outside the United States yes I believe that teespring does ship outside of the United States okay everybody without any more time going on we are gonna jump in and we're going to we're gonna jump into the Word of God today all right okay so you'll see me looking over here screen a little bit because I've got all my slides over here I'll try to ever sit and maintain icon as much as possible but once again we're gonna look at the introduction to the book so anytime you study the book of the Bible you don't just open up the Bible and look at verse one and start reading it you got to get the background you got to figure out what was going on at that time the culture the narrative to plot the outline all of these things are critical so that whenever you do start reading in verse one you'll be like okay I have an idea of what this book is all about and that's what we're gonna do now now what I find interesting is that we search inside of the Bible for just about every single subject known to man whether its finances whether its faith whether its wisdom whether it is you name it we open up the Bible so you know what the Bible can help me with this but when it comes to matters of the heart when it comes to love when it comes to sex when it comes to romance when it comes to relationships we often make the mistake of looking outside of the Bible for all of our answers when God is the one who created it all God created love God created emotions God created romance God I've got news for some of you God created sex right so if we want to make sure that we understand how to relate to one another then it would make the most sense to go to the one who created it all okay now let's talk a little bit about the history of the interpretation of the book of Song of Solomon first and foremost this book almost did not make it into the Bible right and this is for a couple of reasons number one God is nowhere mentioned in this book so that led many of the church fathers to say no just throw this book out it shouldn't be in the Bible because after all the word and the name of God is nowhere in it and so therefore it shouldn't be in the Canon by the way the word God does not show up in the book of Esther neither so that's also an interesting thought but the second reason why this book almost didn't make it in the Bible is because many of our church fathers and theologians were worried that people would be tempted to engage in sexual lust because this book is so descriptive if you will in terms of its sexual content that they were afraid that by reading the very word of God it would lead people to lust which is the opposite of what God would want us to do whenever we read the Word of God so they said hey you know what we can't put this book in the Bible but thankfully this book did make it into the Canon of Scripture because it was God's intended design now Song of Solomon has been referred to by most scholars as an exegetical nightmare now let me explain what that means that means that even the greatest theological minds that have tried to break this book down and try to understand this book have said this is a absolute nightmare we can't understand it we can't figure it out what it means this is just too difficult to break down now here's the reason there's a few reasons for that number one it's Hebrew poetry that is drenched in imagery that is very difficult to interpret okay think about this for a second this is poetry you got to get that okay get that this is app this is poetry and because it is there's so much symbolism there's so much imagery that we're gonna read over the next eight to ten weeks that that basically make it very difficult for a Bible scholar to figure out what it what does this mean what did the author mean here what did that what's going on here right so it made it very difficult for it to for them to interpret it number two it's very difficult most of the time to discern who is talking throughout the book now there are times when it's quite obvious but there is other times as you're going to see that it's difficult is this the woman talking is this the man talking or is this the group of women that look up to this this other woman like it's not clearly spelled out and that is another challenge in terms of perfectly interpreting what this book is saying the third reason is there is seemingly no clear plot or narrative woven throughout this book I mean it's kind of all over the place right so it's easy to be able to interpret a book whenever you can clearly see the plot and the narrative moving forward but in this book it's like they're here and then they're out in the country and then they're here and then okay are they single now are they courting or are they married okay but then why after marriage is she talking about that she's a virgin like there's this all over the place right so because of that it has made it an exegetical nightmare for many scholars to be able to try to understand what this book is all about now the difficulty in interpreting this book has led to three primary interpretations of this book okay so as you study the scriptures as you study this book you'll see that there are three primary ways generally speaking that people interpret the book of Song of Solomon number one they'll say it's fictional it's fictional it's it's not real right this this never happened this is just a fictional drama all right now why do they say that well they'll say that Solomon wrote this fictional drama which was just simply a collection of his greatest poems portraying his idea of the highest ideals of love romance courtship and marriage let me break that down basically what some scholars will say is that once again this did not happen this is not real Solomon wrote a collection of poems where he is setting forth what he believes in his heart is the ideal standard for love romance and marriage and what leads them to say this is because they'll say wait who who robbed this saw wait Solomon you mean the same Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines and yet he had a monogamous relationship with some woman nah that ain't a Solomon we know this is impossible it never happened because Solomon in this book is setting forth the pattern of a monogamous relationship between a man and a woman but nowhere in his life does it seem that is the case because he always had a whole bunch of women around him right so they'll say nah nah it's just fictional now also scholars will say that there's too many inconsistencies in this book for it to have been an actual love story let me give you a couple of them very quickly and don't worry we're getting to the scriptures we're getting there I've got to set it up all right number one if you look at chapter 1 verse 4 which we're gonna do today it's she says the King has brought me into his bedroom so she refers to her love interest as the king which leads many to believe that she's talking about Solomon right but then a few verses later she says tell me my love where are you leading your flock today where will you rest your sheep at noon so now is her lover the shepherd or a king like Kings don't normally take their sheep for a walk at noon they have people to do that shepherds were considered kind of a lowly type of job or whatnot so Kings didn't do those type of things so this has led many scars to believe you know what this is just a collection of poems all right the second type of interpretation of this book that some scholars will say is that it's allegorical it's allegorical now what do we mean by that they will say that some scholars believe that everything in this book is merely a symbol of God's love for us but it has nothing to do with the love between a man and woman this is a very very weird interpretation I don't get this these are people who are so afraid to admit that sex can be in the Bible that they say I'm look in this book and I'm gonna find every single possible thing that could relate a man and a woman's love to one another and their sexual attraction to one another and I'm gonna make it like it's God's relationship to man right just throw that out but I'm just letting you know that's one of the interpretations of this particular book we're not gonna spend much time on that and then the third one is that this is historical meaning this actually did happen okay and some scholars believe that this is an actual romance between Solomon and a poor Shulamite woman from the country and that is one of the interpretations now for us for our approach basically we're not going to try to force one particular interpretation we're just going to take the book as it is and we're gonna say you know what this book is a celebration of love romance courtship and marriage between one woman and one man that's it and what we're gonna do is we are going to travel through this book verse by verse and as we get to certain verses we're going to extract certain important principles that are that are helpful for us as we try to navigate relationships now let me let me be clear we're talking about relationships with dating relationships we're talking about marriage relationships so don't think if you're married this doesn't have any application for you and likewise it's kind of a 50/50 all throughout this book okay so let's keep going let's keep setting it up who are the main characters in this book so if you were to do like a screenplay you would want to know who are the main characters in this particular play well the the most important or the star of the show is this woman and we'll call her the Shulamite woman and she is referred to in this book as the beloved alright as the beloved alright she is the dominant character in the book she is a poor girl from the country who works in a vineyard as we see in verse six she speaks 53% of the time and does the majority of the initiating in the relationship as we will see which is very interesting during these times because it was a very male-dominated culture but yet we see and we're gonna receive very soon that she is the one that does much of the invitation the initiating inviting the man out on dates so on and so forth we'll talk about that a little bit later all right so then you have the man who is referred to as the lover or her lover this is more than likely Solomon this is the woman's love interest we learned much about him through not only his words but also her words about him and her words to him and so we have that okay then we have a couple of other smaller groups we have the daughters of Jerusalem and these are kind of like younger women who are kind of inexperienced in matters of love and they're just kind of happy to just sit up under this woman and learn from her and and and and kind of uh experience love through her eyes and and just kind of sit up under her and learn about her experience and they're oftentimes kind of told hey you know what be careful in matters of love because this thing is serious alright and then you have this last group the mother and her brothers now they play an interesting role as you're gonna see as we go through this narrative they only appear at the beginning in the first chapter and they appear and in the last chapter and they seem to look to kind of protect their little sister's sexuality they kind of want to make sure that she's safe and protected and she's chaste and all of these things and interestingly as we go through we're gonna see that she kind of resists them a little bit in terms of hey I'm grown I can make decisions for myself I don't need you to protect me all of that okay don't worry it's gonna get good all right so here we go so I think that's all of the background information let me give you a suggested outline of what I say suggested it's almost impossible to get an outline to this but we're gonna do a suggested outline from chapter 1 verse 2 all the way to 3:5 we're going to call that the courtship face the courtship face and we'll refer to that as leaving okay they're leaving their parents nest and then from chapter 3 six through five one is the wedding and all of that is about the wedding itself we'll call that the cleaving the cleaving they're coming together cleaving two shall become one then we have the marriage in five two through eight 14 and we'll call that the weaving and that's the two becoming one they start having some problems okay they got a first major disagreement in Chapter five and a little bit in six then they restore their relationship and six seven and eight and then they grow in grace and make their commitment to one another much more much later chap and now let me go back to this wedding part there's gonna be some pretty interesting and descriptive stuff going on there so with that being said let's give you a couple of disclaimers so first of all this is pg-13 material okay I hesitate to say rated R because no part of the Bible should be rated R but if you have little kids there are some things that we're going to talk about that are adult like and may or may not be appropriate for little kids all right so I'm just putting it out there this is we're all adults here we're gonna be talking about sex we're gonna be talking about romance we're talking about relationships so just be clear about that okay now I also want to put one more disclaimer and then we're gonna jump into verse one this book primarily typifies the realities of young love as the couple was probably in their early teens so if you're like 65 and you're like man this book doesn't apply to me don't worry there is a lot of application but you know this typifies a young couple and they're in love and and and they're getting married they're having issues right and so we're going this just know that that's kind of the backdrop of the book okay I think we're ready to jump in okay here we go first thing gonna talk about the first title of the first lesson the true laws of attraction we got a whole bunch of P stuff that's floating around the law of attraction this that and the other but let's talk about the real laws of attraction right what are the things that attract a man and a woman to one another more specifically what are the things that attract a man to a woman and that's what we're gonna jump into right now we're only gonna cover four verses today four as you can see we're only thirty minutes in I haven't even opened up the very first verse so we're gonna do four verses and there's a ton of application in just these four verses let's dig in okay here we go first one this is Solomon's Song of Songs more wonderful than any other are let's stop right there this is his creme de la creme this is his best this is the best song that Solomon has ever written now what do we know about Solomon we know that from first Kings 432 that Solomon wrote 3,000 proverbs and about a thousand and five songs so out of all of the songs that he wrote what this verse is saying is that this is the best this is the most excellent this is his flagship song this is his masterpiece alright it doesn't get any better than this as far as Hebrew poetry okay so now let's jump into these five laws of attraction that we see here in verses 1 through 4 law of attraction number 1 from a woman's perspective is affection affection notice what she says here now this this book comes out the gate she comes out the gate and it's like power-packed it doesn't then Legion doesn't take a long time to develop she comes out the gate and she says kiss me and kiss me again alright now that ain't is a spark to get the book started I don't know what is right she's coming out the gate is saying hey I want you to kiss me I'm thinking about I'm imagining or maybe she's remembering an embrace a kiss that they have had and she desires it she wants to have that experience and she is so drawn with this now important to understand notice what she does not say she does not say talk take my clothes off she does not say hey let's have sex she does not say hey I want to rip your clothes off she's not talking about sexual intimacy she's talking about affection she's saying hey just kissed me and kissed me again now the Hebrew in this if we were to go to the Hebrew this is referred to an ongoing action she's saying kiss me and continue to kiss me again and again and again that's the tense in the tone in the Hebrew language now what are some applications we can get from this this woman is longing for non-sexual touching non-sexual touching all the ladies are probably gonna give me a thumbs up on this one all the men we need to take notes here okay now by the way let me just put a disclaimer out here just because I'm presenting the Word of God to you does not mean that I am practicing all of these things perfectly in my marriage because later on my wife is gonna join us up here and should be the first one to testify but I got to put some of the stuff into practice in my marriage now with that being said what she's saying is hey you know it for those of us who are men this means that we need to practice the art of touching our wives and girlfriends in a way that's non-sexual right it could be a pat on the back it could be a hand on a leg it could be holding hands in public it could be our arm around her it could be our finger and you know I don't know touching your face it could be letting our hands go through her hair could be anything right it could be rubbing her feet it doesn't matter right but this is not foreplay all right this is not for play all right which leads me to the next affection is not foreplay that's where most men get it wrong for us affection is foreplay for us it's hey I'm going to do this so that it gets me somewhere so that it results in what I want right and for most women that's not necessarily what they're looking for they're just looking to be touched and to be held and and all of these things and if the only time we do that is whenever we want something in return and sexual intimacy it sends the message to the woman that hey the only reason why he's touching me right now is because he wants something not just because he wants to be in my presence and he wants to be with me and he's attracted to me oh so here he comes he's touching me again I know what he wants right and so we as men need to make sure that we are practicing affection and not always looking for foreplay foreplay is often motivated by what I can get affection is often motivated by what I can give so whenever I am giving my wife affection in public or in private if if I'm be not thinking about what I'm going to get out as a result I should be thinking about you know what my wife really likes this this and she needs this and it makes her feel more attracted to me hence laws of attraction and so therefore I'm going to give this to her even if it doesn't come natural for me and even if it's not something that I may need from her I know that she needs it and so this woman says hey kissed me and kissed me again she is longing for his affection all right now let me go to the little deeper here a man who can practice affection without foreplay during the courtship stage demonstrates self-control that is necessary later in the marriage phase now let me talk about what I'm saying here a man that can practice self-control to be able to practice affection which the way the difference between foreplay and affection is affection can be practiced by single dating courting couples foreplay cannot because foreplay is leading somewhere the right affection doesn't have to lead anywhere but the man that can be affectionate without it leading to foreplay is a man that is demonstrating self-control that's important because ladies later on in men later on when you get married you're going to need to have that level of self-control in your marriage and so you want to make sure that a man is able to do that on the side of courting all right okay now let's keep going law of attraction number two ooh this is a good one emotional connection emotional connection so once again we're talking guys we're talking about what are the things that a woman needs in order to be attracted to you to be connected to you right and ladies you need to be looking at this and saying okay I need to make sure that the man that I am entertaining or considering is going to be able to provide these things for me right all right emotional connection notice what she says for your love is sweeter than wine your love is sweeter than wine I got to be fair to the text because some people have some people have interpreted this verse to say your love making is sweeter than wine why because the Hebrew word here let me go back the Hebrew word here for love in Song of Solomon 1/2 is the same Hebrew word that is found in other verses in the Old Testament and it refers to lovemaking notice in proverbs 718 come let's drink our fill of love until morning let us enjoy each other's caresses right so what this is saying is they're not talking about the way he makes her feel emotionally they're talking about lovemaking in 7:18 and so because of that that has led some scholars to believe that song is all in the one to should better be interpreted as for your lovemaking is sweeter than wine now however you interpret it he's got some effect on this woman he's got some effect on her because she compares his love to wine right and we're gonna tour prett it as love okay so there's something that this man is doing that is making her intoxicated intoxicated alright and i'm gonna paraphrase what this is from time to time and paraphrase it she's saying basically brother the way you love me has got me intoxicated it has the same effect as wine brother i'm under the influence of your love and it's causing me to do things i don't normally do right that's basically what she is saying she's saying hey in the same way that wine has an effect on our brains and on the way we act in the way we think and the way we conduct ourselves she's saying the way you love me is having the same effect on me it's causing me to feel the same things that i feel whenever i'm intoxicated right so let's keep going what is the connection though between love and wine what is the connection why does she compare his love to wine alright let's keep going number one just as wine gets better with time so should the love between a man and a woman right so in the same way that the longer that you let wine sit and ferment that wine should taste better it should be better it should get better over time in the same way the love or lovemaking between a man and a woman should get better over time you get to know each other you get to know each other's needs get to know each other's desires turn offs turn ons and all these different things so it should get better over time right but not only that just as wine should be savored so should the lovemaking be between a man and a woman right so we don't drink wine now by the way just be clear I'm not one that believes that drinking wine is a sin I believe that getting drunk is a sin so let's be clear about that okay Jesus turned water into wine with that being said we don't take wine and just I mean we don't we don't do that right we take our time we sip we enjoy it we savor it in the same way lovemaking takes time takes time to develop takes time right and so so that's another connection with wine third thing wine is a symbol of celebration and happiness all throughout the Scriptures it's a symbol of celebration and happiness and she's saying I'm celebrating our love I'm happy when I'm around you I'm filled with joy when I'm around you and that's what she is saying now here it is here's the last one just as wine removes inhibitions so does a man's love provide safety making a woman feel she can be uninhibited that's huge right that is HUGE essentially wine has the potential to make us do things that we would not normally do it makes us feel uninhibited to where who we really are and how we really feel and what we're really thinking comes out even if maybe we were not under the influence of wine it would not come out all right in the same way that is the effect that a man's love can have on a woman it can provide a place of safety that we're who she is can truly emerge and she can tell you how she's feeling she can be herself she can express her deepest feelings she can feel safe to express herself in a way because your love as a man has intoxicated her and has removed and shut down all of her inhibitions all right so these are just some things that is a connection between love and wine all right now a couple of points of application how can a man love a woman let me give you five very quickly all right now ladies you should be looking for this number one provide a safe place for her every man should seek to make that woman feel safe now I'm not talking about physically safe although that's a part of it I'm talking about emotionally safe I'm talking about being that man that lets the woman know you can share your deepest feelings your fears your flaws your failures and all of these things secrets that you haven't told anybody mistakes that you have made this is a safe place I'm not gonna judge you I'm not gonna leave you I'm not gonna look at you any differently you can tell me some of your deepest hurts and pains in life and I'm gonna be right here if a man can do that it makes her feel intoxicated it makes her feel safe and and and and and loved by that man not only that listen to her you know why many Affairs happen it's because oftentimes it's because oftentimes the man stops listening to the woman he was listening to her at one point whenever they were getting uh whenever they were dating because it was China he was trying to get somewhere but after they get married he stops listening to her and then there's somebody else at the job that is very interested in everything that she has to say he may not be attractive but he listens to her and as a result of him listening to her she opens up her heart and then she feels connected or safe with him and then affairs start to happen so if we want to love our women we need to listen to them number three take an interest in her interest and learn her needs right take an interest in the things that are interesting to her and not just talk about yourself all the time and the things that that are most important to you but what are your interest what are the things that are going on how do you feel today what's going on in your world how are you emotionally feeling right and what do you need physically sexually emotionally spiritually financially domestically what do you need from me right taking an interest in these things not only that romance all right row man we were romantic whenever we were trying to get her but then we get married and I'm guilty of this I'm guilty of this we stop doing the things that we did to get her right she still needs that romance so men we need to continue that if you're a married man we need to continue that even when we are married support how can we support how can I support you in your career how can I support you in your dreams how can I support you at home with the kids domestically with the family right how can I support you and your ministry and your things that you have going on these are just simple ways that we as men can express our love in tangible practical ways to our woman we're 45 minutes in and we got a few more let's keep going okay our law of attraction number three this is gonna be a quick one woo all right scent grooming and hygiene yeah scent grooming and hygiene notice what she says now I didn't write this she says is how pleasing is your fragrance she says brother you smell good not only do you look good not only so he is he is appealing to all of her senses her sense of sight as we're gonna see later when she's like may you find right her sense of touch where she says embrace me and caress me kiss me her sense of smell right she says you smell good I like the way you smell your fragrance is pleasing to me now while we're on here all right uh let me just see you probably can't see this but I did a Google search for does hygiene affect sexual attraction and there's a whole bunch of stuff that came as a result of that a whole bunch of stuff right this is an issue this is an issue in relationships don't let it be an issue in yours all right notice it says how important is mail hygiene for sex appeal twelve turn-offs that will kill your sex life ask dr. Ruth how do I talk to my partner about poor hygiene and then if you want to notice what people are searching for just go over here it says they're searching for my boyfriend has bad personal hygiene my wife has bad hygiene whatever it is this is real like people are searching for this right so if you don't want to be a turn-off to your wife because at this point well even your girlfriend right or your boyfriend if you don't want to be a turn-off take special care in your sent your hygiene and your grooming now let me just let me just put it out there like this everybody is not blessed with the same thing and everybody's not blessed with the same physique body whatever but everybody has the same ability to make the most of what God has given you by taking the best care of yourself right we did it when we were dating we wouldn't go out the house look in a certain way when we're dating but then we get married what do we do we let ourselves go right you got to maintain that because this is all talking about laws of attraction right the things that you did to get him you got to continue to do it goes both ways so pay close attention to all these things because they can either be a turn-on and make the person just wolf just come here just just come here girl right or it can be a turn-off where it's like oh I would want to be with you but whew man I'm not sure if I want to go down that road right so law of attraction let's move on from that one all right good hygiene accompanied by a good cologne or perfume intensifies attraction and the lovemaking experience all right let's keep going law of attraction number four and we got five and we're gonna take some Q&A this one's huge character and a good reputation brothers if you want to know what it is that is going to ultimately cause that woman to fall in love with you it's not all those other things although those are important it's your character it's your name it's your reputation notice what she says I'm just reading the text your name is like the spreading fragrance of scented oils no wonder all the young women love you okay let me read that again she says your name is like a spreading fragrance of scented oils no wonder all the women love you they all want to be with you right why cuz he's got a good name he's got a good reputation right let me go ahead and next level here we go he has good character in her presence and a good reputation outside of her presence right he treats her well but everybody else thinks very highly of him outside of her presence which is super important right ladies and guys you should never connect with someone until you've checked out their name you should never connect with somebody until you look at all their social profiles look and see what people are saying look at what they're posting all of these different things because before you engage in ioke yourself with somebody you need to see what other people are saying about this person all right so let me give you ten signs ladies 10 things real quick that you need to look for in a man and brothers these are 10 things that we need a shoot to have whether you're married or single like I say this book has application for all 10 signs of good character that ladies you need to be looking out for number one reliability does this guy do what he says he's going to do is he a man of his word when he says I'm gonna pick you up at seven o'clock does he show up on time when he says let's go out on Friday night does he cancel on you at the last minute or can you depend on him is he reliable because if he's not reliable before you marry him he's probably not going to be somebody that you can rely on after marriage when you start to see these signs it's probably a pattern in his life and it's probably not somebody that's at a responsible level that you're looking for number two trustworthiness can I trust him with my heart can I trust him with my secrets in my pains and my stress stress and all the things that I have going on in my life do I feel like I can trust him can I trust him to be faithful to me or do I see him like in every post from every beautiful girl on Instagram and Facebook because I'm like now no if I can trust him because he seems to be interested in other women right can I trust him with my heart number three and guys I'm giving you a road map to her heart right here this is it honesty right do I does he tell lies does he does he is he you know saying things saying one thing and I find out something else that's a no-brainer number four public respect who this is a good one does he respect me publicly or does he speak in a condescending tone and put me down and all of these things or do does he treat me in such a way that's disrespectful around other people or does he honor me and cherish me and hold me up in public around people number five how he treats people this is huge listen if you want to know how he's gonna eventually treat you you need to pay close attention to how he treats other people because the principle is this he can act all day long or she can act all day long the way you see them treating other people is eventually the way they're going to treat you because over time you they're just right now they're just act if this isn't who they really are they're gonna they're gonna eventually regress back to who they really are and if you see them treating other people wrong or if you see them being impatient with other people or talking down to other people or thinking of themselves as inferior to other people it's only a matter of time after all the feelings and all the warm and fuzzies and all that stuff we're off it's only a matter of time before they're gonna treat you in the same way so you need to pay close attention to that number six and seven I guess are they okay both came up same time integrity that goes without saying patience is this a patient guy or do they get impatient all of the time number eight values what are the things that this guy values what are the things that are most important to him what what are the non-negotiable things that this guy is gonna say you know what I'm just not going to do this because this goes against my values that's a good conversation that you should have when you're dating somebody what are your values what are some of the things that you just absolutely value that are near and dear to your heart and see what they say all right number nine purity does this man value my purity and not just before marriage but after marriage right does he value purity or is he looking at pornography and all these different things right that's an important one in the number-10 your relationship with God his relationship with God does he have one or do you have to be the one that drives all of that and lead him in a relationship with God okay so here's are just some things that I want to encourage you as a woman because this woman said your name right your name just like just like just like just like a scent that goes forth she said your name goes before you right as just like you can smell certain oils and scents and different things before you actually see them in the same way his name and his reputation precede him okay number five here we go and then we're gonna take some QA take me with the number five law of attraction sexual desire take me with you come let's run the King has brought me into his bedroom do you see it is like because of the way this man was loving her because of the emotional connection because of the grooming because of the scent because of the affection because of his name and his character and all the things that we talked about she's ready to go she has a desire for him a sexual desire for him right and she initiates it or rather she's imagining it or she's she's anticipating it she's she can't think about anything else she wants to be with him and she says hey the King has brought me into his bedroom then this is the New Living Translation now I got to be fair to the text the another version there's other versions that interpret this differently I told you about that the beginning a lot of different trepidations Christian Standard Version says take me with you that's hurry she's in a rush oh that the King would bring me into his chambers which is the idea that she's wanting this she's desiring it hasn't happened they haven't gotten married they haven't consummated but she is she's intoxicated with the desire and the anticipation of experiencing this with her lover all right now here it is this is the principle ladies whoo you got to get this got to get this a woman should never rob herself of sexual pleasure by settling for a man she's not attracted to ladies okay I'm gonna go to the camera on this one no no no let me read that again a woman should never rob herself of sexual pleasure by settling for a man she's not attracted to let me stop for a second there's a lot of women that are doing this nowadays particularly Christian women you check off the box he works he's got a job good okay he's honest good comes from a good family good goes to church good all right have some money in the bank good has education good attraction not that important and we get married because we think well it's not that important you know and what happens is you get married to this man and he now wants to have sexual intimacy with you all the time because he's attracted to you but you were never really all that attracted to him and so now you have to come up with excuses as to why you don't want to be with him physically because you were never really attracted him in the first place because all the reasons why you married him were non-sexual non-physical reasons so now two things are happening you're not only robbing him of sexual intimacy and attraction and happiness in his own marriage and now he's not able to go outside the marriage to get that but number two you're robbing yourself of the gift of sexual attraction that God wants you as a woman to enjoy and experience because you didn't think it was that important ladies you better get with somebody that you can wake up to every day that you are attracted to physically because sex is a gift that God has given to a couple and he wants you to enjoy it all right now now here is the next thing that we see here the support of her friends all right we're getting ready to open up with some questions here how happy we are for you O king we praise your love even more than wine there it is how right they are to adore you so notice I hinted towards us before what she likes about this man is that other other ladies like like him too remember earlier she said no wonder the young women love you she's not the only one right and now these ladies who seemingly are kind of basically this young woman's kind of sounding board they're saying hey we're happy for you all we're happy for you O king we we are we're praising the love that you have between you and this woman right and how right they are to adore you so essentially here's the principle here's the principal private love must eventually become public this is huge right this couple was not trying to keep their their love undercover to where nobody knew about it and that's a he huge problem that we see in many dating relationships today is that you have often well could be the guy could be the girl but a lot of time is the guy and it's like okay we're not going to tell anybody workers is going to date secretly and you know and and all that really does ladies I'm just going to tell you what that does is that any man that's not overt after some time has gone by not ready to make it public with you is basically trying to give himself an easy out so that whenever he does break it off with you he doesn't have to explain himself to a whole bunch of people doesn't have to be accountable to a whole bunch of people and people won't look at him or her in a certain way and say well you aren't you just dating them and are you dating them not you dating them so if I don't tell anybody who I'm datin it doesn't look as bad right so private love must eventually become public all right now appoint a few points of application from this passage of Scripture and then we're going to take some questions number one the man sets the temperature in the relationship men if your woman is not happy as more than likely because we're not doing something to set the temperature because if we're loving her if we're honoring her for cherishing her if we're making if we're affectionate with her if we're connecting with her emotion if we're taking an e interest in her needs and all these different things that I talked about right then nine times out of ten she is going to respond to all of those attempts of love the man is the leader he sets the temperature in the relationship number two ladies her second application it's healthy for a woman to express her feelings and desires for her man in the right context it's healthy right it's healthy to to express yourself in a way that is that your man would want to hear because oftentimes in this society women are told to kind of suppress their feelings and their attraction right but there is a proper time in place for a woman to express those things and then here's here it is no man wants to be married to a woman that doesn't initiate physical intimacy see any more than a woman wants to be married to a man who never initiates affection listen women if you if you if you want your man to initiate affection and affirmation with you and that feels good for you and it feels good when you don't have to tell him can you put your hand on my neck can you stroke your hair through my hands can you put can we hold hands in public like you want a man that initiates all those things which tells you that he wants to be close to you men want a woman that initiate physical intimacy and as we're gonna see in this book she's ready she wants this she desires this and we're gonna look at that a little bit later okay okay now with all of this being said you may get the impression that this whole book is all about physical no no this is just first four verses is the last slide I have and this is a quote from a guy named Tom Gledhill it's a commentary I'm reading and it says a growing physical intimacy has to be matched by a steadily increasing self-knowledge of intellect temperament goals moods maturity emotions and so on compatibility in other words what he's saying it's not just about physical compatibility compatibility in these areas is of infinitely greater importance than the capacity to please one another to the highest degree in the physical realm and what we mean basically is this it's great to be physically attracted to one another but compatibility must ascend higher than that on many other levels and that is ultimately what is going to bind the couple together all right okay so every week we may not do a full hour of teaching before we get to your questions but I had to lay a foundation because we had to not only do the introduction to the book but we also wanted to cover some verses as well okay we're good guys that's it this only four versus four verses and we got all of that out of four versus that's what can happen when you know how to study the Bible for yourself which is why we have a course that can do that now we're going to take some questions and I have a special guest that is here today and hopefully if her work permits should be able to and hang out with us every week you guys asked for it so my wife is here just give us a second to get set up here you move some chairs around here wife wife is in the house we cannot talk about relationships and all this goodness and beloved and wine without a female's perspective perspective yeah enjoying the teaching on Song of Solomon I sprayed a little perfume babe so yeah we're gonna be your questions ladies if you're out there give me a thumbs up yeah fellas I hope you're taking notes and enjoying and this is not just for the fellas this is for the ladies too so ladies if you're enjoying this give me a thumbs up fellas if you're enjoying this give me a thumbs up I want to see notepads I wanna see all the notes that you're taking and bite your spouse and bite your girlfriend your boyfriend to join in this series every Friday it's gonna be so so so good people have been quarantined for two months relationships are blooming lay ships are failing we need this during this time so let's talk let's talk all right like some questions yeah and if you already asked your question earlier please do us a favor and ask it again now because I wasn't paying attention to the chat yes all right Brock says I already love your wife Thank You Brock Turkey thank you Jada giving us some thumbs up remember you asked the ladies to give you a thumb so yes yes right all right all those multicultural thumbs ups yes yes until we get some questions I'll put a couple of comments on here thank you both for this ministry I really love your teachings to help be practical with applications love you both god bless you both loads thank you so much Jen we really appreciate you we love you as well okay let's see if we got any questions here about relationships or anything okay let's see here melissa discovers coming to make this a little bit smaller so that's not all in the screen like such and let's see if I can make it a little thank you for your question yeah Melissa okay I'll read it here question please all these traits are great but wouldn't you say these can take years to develop does that mean we should wait to marry until those traits have developed that's a good question good question absolutely actually leave it up here absolutely these traits can take a very long time to develop they do not develop right away but what you do want to look for are signs of these things right for instance do you see signs that this man is trying to work on his character do you see signs of him trying to work on these areas do you see signs that this man understands the importance of affection that he's trying to listen to you that he's trying to take an interest in your needs and all of these different things right so is he gonna be at an a-plus right away no is she gonna be an a-plus right away no not necessarily but you want to make sure that you're starting to see signs of this which gives you hope that okay we're trending in the right direction but on the flip side Melissa a great question I don't recommend waiting however there are people who have all these signs and traits and you get married to them you get committed to them and then they change so you can wait for the person or wait to develop these characteristics and then all of a sudden you get in marriage and situations and things force that person to change I'm sure you've heard people say oh we got a divorce because we just are two different people now we've changed we've grown apart that is inevitable that's going to happen there are circumstances and there are situations that can influence someone to change and so even when that happens it's still healthy to get back to either the foundation or to take some steps to heal to start to develop some of these characteristics I believe counseling counseling helps you don't have to be married to go to counseling and then the word the Bible will share so many characteristics of a godly man a godly woman so know don't wait for them but be observant and then also if you are married to you see that you married someone because they had these characteristics and then they changed that can happen as well too so waiting is not the answer but being careful and being observant about what you do see I think is important yeah you're gonna grow together I mean you know hopefully the man that I am now almost five years into our marriage is not the man that I was five years ago and not the man that I want to be five years from now so you grow into these things but I think what we both saw in each other was somebody who wanted to grow somebody who was committed to the idea of I want to be a godly husband I want to be a godly wife and so if that desire is there and you sense that then God can really work you know on you know making you into that Ryan says how to find the right person oh that's a loaded question yeah so yeah a lot of people want to know the answer to that okay um well yeah that's a good question yeah let me see if I can provide some claritin so you have to know what are some of the things that are most important to you now some of those things are things that are already prescribed for you in the Bible and there's others our preferences for you that are unique to you so for instance you know should you look for somebody that loves the Lord yeah because the Bible says it should right so you look for somebody with good character yes because the Bible says that you should so all these things are things that okay what does the Bible say as a minimum standard minimum standard for what my spouse should be they need to be saved they need to be you know committed to purity all this stuff right now above and beyond that we all have personal preferences right you may want somebody who is tall you may want somebody who is a little short you may want somebody who's got a certain educational level you may want somebody who likes to travel somebody who whatever there's a million different preferences so you have to figure out okay what are the preferences that I have that are gonna make me want to love this person what are some common traits that we may have what are some common interests that we have right now how to find that person is probably a good way you're like hey I know what I want so you know I'm a big proponent men of being aggressive right like don't just sit back and just wait for her to show up at your door with a sign that says I'm your wife like that's probably not going to happen so you have to figure out okay where are these women hanging out whether they're online whether they're are at a forum whether at a meet-up whether they're online dating whether they're at at a particular church that has a singles ministry or whatever but you got to find you got to figure out a way to figure out okay where are these single women at and let me now position myself so I can be around them not at the club single godly women okay I guess you could am innocent people is probably like picking one out of like a hundred women in there whatever you probably gonna find that one Christian growing their dislike they got dragged they're my friends yeah okay the whole eclipse but yeah so you know gotta figure out figure out where they're hanging out position yourself there get to know you know a woman in in a safe way and at some point you got to make a commitment because it's not going to be perfect it is not going to be perfect and let me say this even if you think it's perfect on the front end you gonna get married you're gonna see some things that ain't perfect yeah we both can agree to that she saw some stuff I know he was like that and I saw some stuff I know she was like that yeah we'll talk about that later all right but uh on the female perspective because I know men want to know and women want to know and this is the question that I get a lot is you know I am waiting for the right man I'm waiting for him first off that word right is subjective I don't think that the right man is a perfect man but for women I think it is important just as I'll ensure that you need to like not to be aggressive but be intentional for women we need to make ourselves available I if you work a job that you go straight from work and you go home you go straight from work you go to church then you go home how is the man supposed to find you I'm just being honest so even though some people are not a fan of online dating if that's the only opportunity for you to make yourself available try that there are some online dating apps that are not as creepy as tinder and all the other ones so make yourself available so that the right man can find you um if you are in an environment or you're out somewhere with your girlfriends and a man is showing some interest don't don't don't give off the signs of attitude where you wouldn't want to approach you make yourself at least approachable and then you have the ball is in your court sis you have the right to say no I'm not interested or I want to get to know more but the first sign is making yourself available and that's all I have to say about that great great great point that is awesome awesome you guys got some good question we're gonna try to we're trying to keep our answers shorter so that we can get to more questions all right what helps a long distance relationship okay well I said yeah I know all right so relationship yeah we get it we can read three through okay we have a lot of experience there because we dated for a year long distance I fell in love with my wife and then like a month after we fell in love she said peace out deuces I'm going to DC if you love me you have to you know either follow me there and move there or you know you love me from a distance or something so pretty much that's what happened so anyway what happened what helps it phone connection the best thing that we could have ever had happened to us is her movement to DC I'm convinced of this even though I couldn't stand it at the time and I'm gonna keep this short because I have a lot of other questions but it forced us to get to know each other in a non-physical way because we had to talk on the phone every day we talked it over three hours a night on average remember that yeah I do average three times yes three hours and we visit each other about once a month yeah okay and so just to let you know just a short answer to that would be lots of time on the phone lots of talking but you do need to visit each other because when you get marry you're not going to be talking on phone you have to you have to assess how you feel about this person when you're in their presence because over and over the phone and in presents are two different things you got to feel comfortable around them when you're hanging out with them so that's just a few things okay question yes well go onto the next question okay I think I'm always the one policing the time and the questions but what do you say about three more questions five more five more questions all right so send us some really good ones five questions oh okay I'm gonna let you answer this one Shh okay baby thank you for your question Sydney says should I start dating as I'm building my confidence or once I'm fully confident in myself Sydney thank you for that question okay ladies I'm sure Sydney asked what every one of us are either thinking or have asked at some point in our life so confidence in dating I truly believe that it is important to find confidence in yourself through Christ before you put yourself out there that you are ready for a relationship marriage is not about what you can get from someone but it's about what you can give and if you don't know how to either fill yourself up or know who you are then it's easy to get lost when you get in a relationship it's easy to lose yourself when you get into a marriage kids come all these other treasures come so I do think it is important for you to find your confidence before you at least put yourself out there that you're interested in dating because then what happens is you're gonna find your confidence in that man you're gonna find your identity in that man and anything that happens it goes wrong which we know man is gonna fail us man is not perfect so they are going to fail us once that happens if your identity is found in him or in that relationship when the relationship ends I mean people become suicidal depression hit it's it's heavy so I think that it is important for you to find your confidence in Christ in yourself before you make yourself available to be in a relationship enough said enough said I'm not gonna even try to expound on that now okay here's another question for you question for your wife this is life with me is asking his question what made you attracted to your husband yes okay so what attracted me to Alan was the fact that he looked like Denzel Washington no I'm just kidding okay so we hear that all the time so it's a joke honestly what attracted me to Alan I was in relationships prior to Alan as he was in lationship with other women as well before we met each other and what made me know that he was the one was this was the first relationship that I was in that the person him actually through our courtship he drew me closer to Christ than he did to him there were so many relationships that it's all about the guy it's me me me me me and we as I mean we just get sucked in we love the swag oh he's swaggy or he's got this job or he drives his car and we're drawn into the things that are of him that are materialistic instead of like who he is and who is he pointing us to and so Alan drew me closer to Christ who would have Bible studies we would talk about just not just worldly things but spiritual things and just in dating I was like wow if he is drawing me closer to Christ just through our dating imagine how it is when as my husband he is covering me covering my family and so that was a number one thing that drew me to him another thing that drew me to him was that he was confident in who he was and I'm not saying that you have to have a man who has his a job you know stacked up and he has all this money and he's just waiting for the right woman like that's nice but he had prepared himself to be a husband or to be a godly man so that he could receive someone like me um there were a lot of lationship sigh were in prior to Alan that I felt like I was the Savior like I was the one that was encouraging them to do things I was the one that was like leading them and um it just was a heavy burden that I really did not feel was my job and so he was confident who he was he had set himself up to be a godly man to have a relationship with a woman that could lead to marriage so those were the two main things that attracted me to him and really just set him apart from anyone else I had ever dated about my fragrance talked about that so he did smell good too that's a good point that wasn't the first thing that I was looking for I mean I'm just joking I see a lot of guys smell good but does that mean that they're right for us right there we got okay let's see here kinga will this be available to watch I missed the beginning yes everything that we do every single thing that we do we don't do as some people do where if you don't catch it live you people penalize you you know yeah we don't do that like this is ministry so whatever we put out you can always go back and watch replay we know that people work you know that you could be on a lunch break you may only have our we're well past that so yes absolutely let's see here let's see okay okay well I think you just answered this is it a concern if I am the one leading him to God from the good character signs I want to hear how men feel when women are the ones that seem to be taking the lead and leading down spiritually yeah well I mean I think from a man's perspective they probably don't see anything wrong with it you know like hey you know I said she likes to go to church and I'll go to church with her she wants me to spray with her I'll pray with her right but it's just not the God ordained design in terms of what God would have it to be because I think God would want a man to to cover and protect and lead his family now once again that man may or may not be in to play someone be clear to do all of that when you first meet him but what you want to look for is a heart that is open that is desiring to learn wanting to grow because over time if that heart is there you can position him in front of other men you can if he's teachable basically you look that is we should have put that on there in terms of character you got a look I'm gonna update that slide later you need to look for a man who is teachable right somebody that is not I know it all I don't need to be around other men I don't need other men pour it into me no you want a guy that's like you know what I really don't know how to do this thing but I really do I want to be the best husband and I want to be a godly man for you I want to learn so like I want to learn under some other men so anyway women I look at us as influencers right yeah there's a there's an analogy that the man is the head and I'm talking marriage right so we're hoping that if you're dating you're looking for these things you're dating someone in hopes to lead to marriage right but when you get married the man is the head of the household but women like I like to look at us as the neck meaning the head cannot turn without the neck so we influence the head we have power to influence our man pour into our man cheer him on encourage him yes he doesn't go to church encourage him to go to church there's a difference I think between influence and influence is a form of leadership then actually leading where without you that man does not do any of those things and is not teachable or open to even learn or grow by himself so that that would be my yeah my response to a couple real quick your support website hasn't worked for me hammer John says is there another way I can get hammer I will check on that occasionally it goes down but it comes back up but I'll check on that as soon as livestream is over but if you do want to support us financially just write us an email at info at Allen par calm and we'll feel free to we'll get you all set up with that thank you for letting me know if there is a problem I'll go and check that now one of the one I want to get to is this one Laden says when is the right time to tell the person you are courting of your past sexual sins for that question yes yes okay so this goes to that place well let me backtrack first of all this underscore the the premise behind this question is a fear of judgment and a fear of being judged and a shame okay so if you are single and you are contemplating having sex before marriage just be aware that if you do that you're gonna have to face this question you at some point are gonna have to say man you know how is this person gonna view me after I tell them my number how many people I've been with those crazy things I've done you don't want to risk meeting the love of your life which in my plan if their love of your life then they'd probably still be able to accept you but let's say you meet the love of your life and you tell them your past experiences sexually and they say oh that's a little bit too high you know I'm not gonna bond to the next one you don't want to do that so you need to protect your period now that's not the question here the question here is when's the right time right I think earlier then later is better and what I mean by that is once you've developed a certain level of trust with this person then it's probably important for you all to have that conversation here's the reason why you don't want to waste six eight ten months of your life with someone and always wondering if if they really knew this about me would they really love me if I'm fully known will I be fully loved right and so you're insecure in the relationship when you have all these secrets because you're wondering well when these secrets are made known is this person going to really feel the same way the quicker you get those secrets out of the bag and they still stay around then you can be free and you can be like hey I've shared with him everything that I could possibly imagine that I'm fearful and shameful about and he says I'm cool I can I can love you with it then you don't have to worry about whether this person is gonna love you or not now first date no second date no third day no but I don't know like a month or two into the relationship when y'all get to make a commitment for gets to D yeah ya know that I think once the relationship has been determined and established meaning you guys aren't just like I'm filling this out like determine the relationship and then if this is a list ship that you see a future and then I think earlier the better yeah okay we'll take two more because my wife is putting another one was about support financial support in a website that don't count all right and and there's so many more like there's like man well this one says I want to know if you can fall in love with some let's do some rapid fire ones okay rapid fire I want to know if you can fall in love with somebody without physical contact in other words it being all emotional yes yes absolutely totally yeah yeah which is the reason why like you know you can have you can fall in love with somebody over the phone oh yeah all right so yeah absolutely TM says you all a beautiful Christian couple thank you both for joining us thank you so much is noticing every tiny detail about a woman a good thing yeah it's a good thing to notice it's not a good thing to pick out everything though if you're gonna just say oh I don't like this I don't like that I don't like this I don't like that either that's a character flaw and you or this isn't the right person for you if every single thing that they do and everything about them is something that you are picking at and remember as you point the finger at somebody else and notice everything they have there's three pointing back at you you are not perfect yourself so yes never feel good to be picked apart gene says should we teach this book to people before or after marriage both right both before marriage because it can be used as a phenomenal guide in handbook for premarital counseling but after because there's so many principles as we talked about today all this law of attraction stuff it doesn't stop after you get married right I still have to be affectionate towards her I still have to make sure I smell good and vice versa and all that stuff right and I still have to be a man of good character and all these different things so I still have to emotionally connect with her so that the the application is both for before and after marriage let's see here a couple of more of this thank you if a woman want only wants a bad boy just to know I thought it was another question but yeah yeah watch out for those bad boys how do you renew your relationship when it seems to be not working anymore James good question James I would say you got to go back to what it was that initially drew you together in the first place and we struggle with this sometimes they get away when what drew us together which is doing things together doing ministry together like this taking walks talking connecting doing fun things together having dates together because what happens is so much stress can come in stressors children finances career ministry all these things and each one of those things I just mentioned just take a piece of you take a piece of you take a piece of relationship to where there's nothing left for the two of you so you have to be intentional about saying hey maybe I need to pull back for ministry maybe we need to pull back in the job maybe we need to get some babysitters for the kids and do all the stuff so we can focus on what brought us together because after all those things fade away it's gonna be us and why you look for the last question it's going to add on to that so during the past couple months so I work outside of the home and my job has been really stressful lately and I noticed that even though the past couple months of Cova we've been quarantined together we've actually been a little distant from each other and felt really like disconnected and that's because I was putting and I have still been putting so much time into work and forgetting about his knees forgetting about you know what drew us together what connect is what keeps us connected and so it's it's normal it happens but it's just good to go back to what it chapter you to that person in the first time and sometimes it's something simple like going through that marriage album watching that video that you paid so much money for for your wedding day and just remembering the love that was filled on that wedding day remembering you're dating your courtship remembering just what attracted to that person and getting back to that serving their needs serving each other in that so life and work can can happen and it has if we're being honest and we have felt a little disconnected lately but I've had to step back and say okay like I need to make sure that this isn't more important than my husband so yeah it happens it happens we have a three-year-old and a son that's getting ready to be two-year-old my wife my wife works full time I have a full time math tutoring business and a ministry that's full time I got to manage two different teams and you know we had a lot of different things going on we moved we had to get a house ready to move we had to look for another there's been a lot of things going on fatigue the quarantine kids being home instead of a daycare there's been a ton of things and if we're honest about it like we've had to work extra hard over the past couple months to make sure we're connected with each other which answers another question I saw earlier do you have to work on your relationship every day even though you are married yes yes you even have to work every minute how it's easy to get separating and get divorced do you have to work harder yes absolutely alright last question tamesha says what's the difference in courtship and dating I'm not going to answer this because I have a whole video on my youtube channel that takes ten minutes five minutes or whatever to answer that just go just search Alan Parr dating versus courtship and that video will come up and it'll tell you all the differences because it is a difference between dating and courting the biggest one I talked about is dating is recreational and courtship is intentional dating is just having fun Lissa's have fun I don't care about you yeah I just want to have fun with you right and courtship is okay I want to be with you it's leading somewhere right right okay so guys why should know so much guys and girls and ladies thank you so much for joining so I know this was week one and it was a lot we're gonna try to keep them to an hour but it's okay cuz the Q&A is really good so next week invite your spouse invite your girlfriend share this with your coworkers share this with that person that you're interested in or just join on and learn for yourself but I think this is gonna be a great series and you guys have so much in store for this so thank you for joining in any last words Melissa says wow thank you both that was so helpful getting married next month needed it thank you for sharing that Melissa that really just made our day [Music] congratulations in advance Melissa I'm trying to sneak a couple more questions okay how do you feel about my dating we have a video on that you can check that out as well just do I think it's called Christians use tinder so go check that out okay just trying to catch any other major ones okay yeah I'm just trying to kiss me maybe okay my wife's telling me shut it down alright yeah cuz look at this we got like we should come on and just do a session at some point just with Q&A like no teaching excuse me you will write some of these questions down guys we promised we would love to get to every one of these questions yeah we really think down and we'll make sure that we I save some time to address it yeah every week every Friday we'll address a lot of these questions that you guys have not had a chance to get answered so thank you for sharing them alright everybody thank you so much we do have to go on with our day but we love you all and my wife and I really enjoy doing this type of thing we love helping couples engage in relationships and we're just starting off now we're not gonna do four versus the day that was just the intro right we're gonna if that was the case it would take us like a year to get through this we're gonna pick up the pace next week but I needed to lay a foundation and there was so much in these first four verses so hopefully you'll tell your friends to join in next week once again just remember that you know we do have t-shirts available we have the one that my wife has on when I have on support as well if you want to study Bible study made easy you can go to Bible study made easy calm if you want to learn the Word of God as well so we love you all thank you all so much and we'll see you next week bye-bye [Music]

Channel: THE BEAT by Allen Parr

Views: 50,691

Rating: 4.9633026 out of 5

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Id: NXZqtxyl9iE

Length: 97min 13sec (5833 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 05 2020