The ESSENTIAL Ingredients of a Successful Relationship | Song of Solomon Part 2

[Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] well hey hey hey everyone happy Friday so excited to be here with you all we want to get started as soon as possible thank you all for giving me an extra five minutes just to get set up make sure that the stream is working good looking good so gives me a few minutes to kind of just look up my phone and make sure that all is well but not everybody but just a few of you if you could give me a thumbs up and let me know or shoot a comment and say audio and video is working and that way I will know that I don't need to change anything you can just say hey audio and video is good and that way we know we are ready to go but until I see that on my screen how many of you are excited about God's Word I am pumped up I mean I've been reading this text all week long and I am excited about what God is gonna do I mean his word is so rich and it's so powerful and it's so practical I'm just looking forward to it I'm looking forward to it and I hope you are as well let's see here people are giving me thumbs up that's good that means we are ready to rock and roll all right a couple of housekeeping things before we get started so a couple housekeeping things while we're letting a few more people come in today what we're gonna do is we are gonna give you a little bit of a review of last week because everybody that is here now may or may not have been here last week so think about whenever you watch your favorite show they always kind of tell you what happened before in the previous episode so that you're not completely clueless and so we want to do that because the Song of Solomon is kind of like a love story that is kind of developing from the first chapter all the way through the eighth chapter so we need to make sure we know what happened before him so I'll give you a little bit of a review and then I'm gonna attempt to get through Song of Solomon chapter 1 verse 5 all the way through chapter 2 verse 3 today and then as always we're gonna take questions towards the end of our time together all right so before we jump in let's see where are people coming in from we got people from the UK we got people from South Africa we've got people from the states we've got people from Atlanta Georgia Hotlanta berry Miller Hut is it good to see you today sir let's see we've got people from the Philippines we've got people from all over and super excited that you are here to join us today okay a few things if you want to learn how to study the Bible the way I'm getting ready to show you now where it's beyond than just reading a verse or two and kind of getting a general idea but you really really want to go deeper in your understanding and really draw out as much as you can from the text we do have an online course as you hear me say every week I believe in it because it's really gonna help you take your Bible understanding from just simply reading the Bible to studying the Bible and that's called Bible study made easy you can find out about that by going to Bible study made e-z dot-com so you can see that there also if you would like to support us financially we seldom if ever asked for that and we're not asking for it now because we just simply know that if God puts it on your heart then you will do that if not we're just thankful that you're here alright we're just glad that you're here and we pray that you would support us with your prayers so but if you would be so inclined and you want to know how to support us you can do so by going to Alan Park a'm force last support or you can start by I mean putting a super chat down below there's a little dollar sign there if you would like to support us financially once again no pressure don't feel like you have to but if God puts that on your heart you are able to do that also we have some new t-shirts that we are excited about the one I'm wearing right now says he said what he said Jesus all right we got a couple of other ones if you are looking forward to purchasing some new merchandise you can go over to our t-shirt store in the teespring store it's at the it's in the description of this video in all of our videos and so you can find out about that there it's a little bit too long right down so just go to the description click on that and you can see all of our new t-shirts there alright and if you have not subscribed to us already we want to encourage you to subscribe to us by going over and clicking that subscribe button and hitting that Bell notification so that whenever I go live or whenever I release a new video you will get a notification letting you know that you can check it out alright let's see we got people from Houston the Philippines North Carolina Philippines we got a lot of people from the Philippines that is awesome awesome awesome awesome ok so we are going to jump in falen so Fallon Fallon says I love thee let's put this on the screen here Fallon says I love the christ over culture t-shirt yea wear that last week I think I love that that reminds you that wherever you go no matter what you do it's always Christ over culture so thank you so much for that we appreciate that ok we're gonna jump in ok we're not gonna waste your time today we're gonna jump right on in but before we do that we're gonna pray all right Lord we thank you so much for this day we give you praise honor and glory we love you so much and Lord we are here because we number one want to learn more about your word and how to study it but number two god we want to improve our relationships we want to be better at this dating and courtship thing we want to be better at this marriage thing and we want to be better in all aspects of our lives as we relate to people in general so god I pray that you would take the words that are in this amazing book and that you would apply them to our lives God so that our lives will be changed forever and our relationships will be better it's in your son Jesus name we pray and give thanks amen alrighty so we are going to jump in and let me go to the first one right here all right awesome today we're gonna be talking about the essential ingredients of a successful relationship or a successful courtship okay because some of these points that we're gonna go over today apply a little bit more to the dating in the courtship but some of them apply to marriage as well all right so that's what we're gonna talk about today now it's important for us to understand before we launch into this that this Song of Solomon is Hebrew poetry it's Solomon's finest poetic work as a matter of fact some books some Bibles have it as Song of Songs in other words it's his song of out of all the Psalms that he has done first kings 432 says that he wrote over 3,000 proverbs and over 1005 songs so out of all of his songs this is his best work this Hebrew poetry in here is so amazing that we're going to see today all right and so let's review a little bit from last week there are three primary interpretations of this particular book number one some scholars believe that Song of Solomon is fictional they'll say hey this can't be a real experience in Solomon's life because we realize that Solomon had over a thousand well 700 wives and 300 concubines as we're gonna see later so when which Solomon have ever been monogamous with one woman right so they'll say hey this can't be a real experience for him so this must be a fictional in other words this is a collection of what he feels is the ideal of love meaning what he may have wanted to experience in his life but he never actually really got there so he just wrote down a collection of poems that represented what he felt was the highest ideal of true love all right so that's what some people believe in terms of the interpretation of this book some people will say it's allegorical all right and these are the people that say that you know what you can't talk about sex in the Bible because if you read the Bible and there's sex in it then you're gonna lust and you're gonna sin and God would not want you to read his word and sin at the same time and so as a result they try to take every sin thing in this book that is talking about the relationship between a husband and a wife or a man and a woman and they tried to allegorize it and say oh no no that just is really talking about God's love for us but it has nothing to do with God a man's love for a woman and vice-versa and we do not subscribe to that particular interpretation and then the third is that its historical this actually was a historical event that happened in Solomon's life and so so some people will feel that it is a historical event okay what our approach is gonna be for the purpose of our study is we're gonna appreciate this book for what it is we're not going to try to force any particular one interpretation or model into it we're just gonna say that God put this book in the Bible because it's a celebration of love romance courtship and marriage between one woman and one man that's it that's what the book is all about and we're gonna appreciate it for what it is okay and who are the main characters once again this is all review the main characters number one the star of the show is a Shulamite woman okay and she is referred to in the book as the beloved and she does most of the talking she does most of the initiating as we're going to see today and as we saw a little bit last week and she is just a poor country girl who is head over heels in love with a rich king and we will assume he will be Solomon okay so we're gonna learn a little bit more about her and how she feels about herself in just a moment alright and then the second main character here is the king we will take this literally and believe that this is Solomon and this is her lover alright this she refers to him as her lover and he is also very very important in the story as well and then you have the daughters of Jerusalem and this is kind of like her little accountability group this is a group of young ladies that she schools and teaches about the art of love and all these different things but as we're going to see a little bit later these are so more than likely a part of Solomon's harem which we're going to talk about in just a moment so you're gonna find that very interesting all right and so these are kind of this is kind of her sounding board whenever she wants to express herself and then you have this last group and they don't show up very often her brothers and her mother all right now they seem to act as they feel their role is to kind of protect their little sister from herself because she's wild and free and she's in love and she's wanting to explore her sexuality and all these things and they feel like their role is to kind of protect her so that she does not go overboard with this idea of love and she's in love all right so so those are the main characters that we see in this book now last week we gave you a suggested outline a suggested outline once again this book is very very difficult to interpret into outline we're gonna say that from 1 2 all the way to 3 5 we're gonna call that the courtship or the dating phase and we'll call that the leaving ok they are leaving home and then the wedding is a pretty lengthy wedding period at 3 6 all the way through 5 1 all right and this will call the cleaving all right they're coming together but then the marriage in chapter 5 verse 2 all the way through the end of the book we'll call that the weaving because why the Bible shows the two shall become one and so when you weave together you run through some difficulties some disagreements some struggles in the relationship and we're gonna see that a little bit later if you keep tracking with us every single week all right and let's review a few things last week we said that this is pg-13 not this week but as we progress a little bit later we're gonna get into some very very descriptive sensual type of literature that is going to be very very descriptive in terms of the male and female anatomy and whatnot so if you have little kids watching this you're probably safe for this week but in the weeks to come you may want to you know safeguard them from some of the things we're gonna talk about all right and then not only that but let's review part one from last week Before we jump into the new stuff all right last week we talked about the true laws of attraction and we said that these are some of the things that cause two people particularly when they're young and they're in love to be attracted to one another but really in any stage right number one affection and we said four men affection is not foreplay affection is the art of practicing non-sexual touch so that the woman doesn't feel that every time you touch her you are trying to get something out of her but rather you're just trying to give rather than what you can get number two is emotional connection and all of this is summarized in chapter one verses two through four if you didn't catch last week I feel free to go back and watch that later on emotional connection is how two people feel attracted to each other right talking sharing their feelings feeling safe and vulnerable and all those different things number three is hygiene and grooming we're gonna see that throughout the book right if you don't smell good if you're not taking care of yourself then you're limiting the possibility of that person being fully attracted to you in the way that you would want number four is character you can smell good you can look good you can connect emotionally but if you don't have great character then you're not going to be as attracted to that particular person and then sexual desire right I mean let's be honest God gave us the gift of sex to be enjoyed in the confines of marriage and so if you don't have that sexual desire for someone then you are going to be struggling in marriage because one of you are is going to be just very disappointed and discouraged about the sex life that you aren't able to have an experience and enjoy in marriage okay all that was review alright so let's jump in to the new material super excited all right here we go all right we're gonna pick up on in verse five alright here we go now ladies I'm gonna start off with you here's a lesson for you before we even get into verse five notice what she says I am dark but beautiful we're gonna get to that in just moment.oh women of Jerusalem women of Jerusalem now who are these women of Jerusalem or your version may say the daughters of Jerusalem all right well most scholars believe that this group of women is a part of King Solomon's harem now there were three parts to a king's harem all right and number one the first part of the harem is the highest level and that's a queen the queen the King actually married these women and they have all the rights and privileges of being a part of the kingdom their children would receive an inheritance of the kingdom all right so that's the highest level you can get to is a queen where the king actually marries you and your children can get an inheritance but there was a level below that in every king's harem and level two actually let me read this Solomon actually had 700 of these wives first Kings 11 3 he had 700 wives of royal birth all right so he had a lot of wives now the second level to every king's harem was concubines they the King did not marry these women they were skilled in the art of sexual pleasure and served to please the king they had no ownership of the kingdom and their children received no inheritance I'm going somewhere with this all right this was the second level of a king's harem who was concubines now how many of these did Solomon have I know a lot of men would probably love to have Solomon set up all right but Solomon had 700 wives of roberth and 300 concubines and in fact they did turn his heart away from the Lord now there was a third level of every king's harem and that was a actually me see if I have it here okay so I don't have it here the third level was the daughters of Jerusalem or a virgin and these were these were ladies who weren't sexual with the king and these were ladies who weren't married to the king and all they did was kind of household chores they clean they caulked took care of the kids and all of these different things they did all of the duties of a wife without any of the privileges of a wife so I'm going somewhere with this basically the whole point is this ladies never settle for a tier 2 or tier 3 relationship you are a number 1 you are a queen you are not a concubine you are not a slave all right here is one of the problems we have a lot of ladies out here that that are settling to be simply a concubine just a man's toe or a piece of meat for him to enjoy his sexual pleasure but he's never gonna marry you he's just using you for what he can get all right or you got some women that are even worse than that and they're doing all of the duties of a wife they're cleaning for this man they're cooking for him they're bringing him all this food at his job and different things like that and doing all this stuff but they're they're not getting anything out of it he's not gonna marry you you're not getting sexual pleasure you're not getting anything out of the relationship we need to make sure that women are seeing themselves as a number one as a queen and not some concubine and not some slave all right so ladies you're not a tier two you're not a tier 3 you are a queen all right here we go let's keep going now now we're talking about the ingredients of a successful healthy relationship ingredient number one is vulnerability vulnerability being open and transparent and vulnerable with your insecurities and who you are notice what the text says here she says this is the woman talking I am dark but beautiful let's stop right there all right many scholars have will incorrectly interpret this and in some versions it'll say dark and beautiful why because they're afraid of being racist in their commentary let me put it to you this way if I said I am rich and handsome which may or may not be either one of those but I'm rich and handsome then okay you don't see anything wrong with that but if I say I'm rich but handsome that implies that most people who are rich are not so I have to clarify that even though I'm rich I'm also handsome I'm rich but handsome right so what what what she is saying is yes I'm dark but I'm beautiful I am dark but I'm beautiful now be careful the reason why she's not dark is the reason why she's dark has nothing to do with her ethnicity so that's why I say this doesn't have anything to do with race she explains how she got dark now notice it says I am dark but beautiful or women of Jerusalem dark as the tents of Kedar dark as the curtains of solomon's tents let's keep going she says don't stare at me because I'm dark the Sun has darkened my skin do you see that this is not an African woman she's more than likely a Jewish woman so she's not an African she's not African by descent she's saying my skin became dark because I was out in the Sun why was I out in the Sun my brothers were angry with me they forced me to care for their vineyards so I couldn't care for myself my own vineyard understand in this culture it was not popular to be a worker or should I say it wasn't looked upon you were looked upon as poor if your skin was dark that means you had to be outside in the Sun working and if you were outside in the Sun working as a woman that was a sign that you came from a very poor family and so this was her insecurity wasn't her race she was insecure because she was tired of people staring at her once again remember what she says here she says stop staring at me right don't stare at me she was insecure because she felt like everywhere she went people were staring at her because her skin was dark and they thought that she was poor and that's what caused her to insecure about her appearance all right now there were essentially notice what she says she says I was so busy caring for my vineyards my brother's vineyards that I didn't have enough time to care for my own vineyard my own body my own beauty right she says I'm working so hard I don't have enough time to take care of my own self to make myself look good and feel good and be a feminine woman and all of these things right and some of you ladies may feel that way right you're just barely hanging on you're not able to really focus on taking care of yourself because you're so busy working now I want you to notice here her insecurities yes she actually has three insecurities number one is her skin was dark I mentioned that she's insecure because her skin is dark and she feels like people are gonna judge her and feel that she's poor because her skin is dark number two she is insecure because she feels like people were gonna assume that she is poor and then number three she couldn't take care of her own physical appearance and so that made her insecure as well okay so these are some things that made her feel insecure all right once again look at this don't stare at me I couldn't take care of my own vineyard but notice this she says even though I am dark I'm beautiful what she's saying is yes even though I have some things that I'm uncomfortable about uncomfortable about even though I have some insecurities and some things that I don't want people to see and I don't want people to stare at I can still affirm that I'm beautiful here's my point can you affirm your own beauty in spite of your insecurities right can you be uncomfortable with some of the things in your appearance whether it's your hair whether it's your face whether it's your physical body or whatever but still be able to affirm that you are beautiful and created in God's image that is one of the differences between low self-esteem and insecurity we all have insecurities but when that in security forces or causes you to not be a to appreciate your own beauty that is when it becomes low self-esteem which is not what God would have us to experience here's another question are you comfortable sharing your deepest insecurities with the person you're with once again this is the idea of vulnerability it's got to be there listen when you're in a relationship whether you're single dating courting engaged marriage or whatever you've got to find somebody that you can be open transparent and vulnerable with in terms of these are some things I'm insecure about and you can't be afraid that this is gonna make you feel weak in the eyes of the person that you are dating or married to why because of this next point that I'm gonna make insecurity now leads to security later let me repeat that insecurity now leads to security later what do I mean by that when you as mentioned this last week when you have secrets things that you don't feel comfortable sharing with someone you're insecure in the relationship because you don't know if when you share these things with that person they are going to turn away from you and not want to be with you and so as long as you keep them in for to yourself you don't have the full confidence and security to know that they're in this for the long haul but if you are open voluble transparent with that person and you're sharing your deepest struggles your deepest feelings your mistakes your failures your insecurities with that person and they still stay around that gives you what security to know this person has seen the worst of me they know the worst of me and yet they still love me and it provides a layer of security all right so let's move on because I could be there all day there's a scene change that happens okay so all this stuff that happened before she's kind of maybe hanging out with her friends maybe that she's in her bedroom talking to them she's imagining and being with this King and all of this stuff now there's a scene change that actually happens and essentially what happens is what will this read it let's read verse seven this is a good one this is a good one ingredient number two of any healthy successful relationship is quality time notice here the woman is gonna be the one that initiates the quality time notice what it says she says tell me my love and in some versions I like it it says tell me the one whom my soul loves this is not just physical my soul is in love with you where are you leading your flock today where will you rest your sheep at noon for why should I wander like a prostitute among your friends and their flocks do you see what she's doing she's like hey I want to hang out with you today I want to spend some time with you can you tell me where you're gonna be resting your sheep around noon when you take your lunch break because I want to see you I want to be with you I want to hang out with you I want to spend quality time with you I know you're working but I still want to spend quality time with you so basically this is what she says tell me where you're gonna be at around noon don't make me have to ask all of your other Shepherd friends where you are and look like I'm chasing you down like some loose woman right I want you to get this now once again look back and read it she says for why should I wander like a prostitute among your friends and their flocks she's saying look just tell me where you're gonna be don't make me go around oh where is the king where is where is he where is he at with this sheep where is he at with this that and the other right don't make me look desperate just tell me where you're gonna be all right so doesn't one of the things that she says all right so I want to put bring up a point here it is appropriate for a woman to initiate quality time once the commitment is established beforehand let him pursue you and win you all right because there's this there's this idea that it's wrong for a woman to initiate no it's everything is right about a initiating but when the pursuit is on towards the beginning of the courtship you want to let that man win you you want to let that man pursue you but once you are committed there's nothing wrong with the woman saying hey I'd like to go to a movie tonight or I would like to do this or go out to dinner so on and so forth okay so that's very important for us to understand now notice the man accepts her invitation but he does it in kind of an interesting way he says well if you don't know o most beautiful woman notice he affirms her beauty follow the trail of my flock and graze your young goats by the Shepherd's tents all right I don't know if you're getting into this story as much as I am but this is some this is some amazing Hebrew poetry all right this is some amazing Hebrew but he doesn't tell her where he's gonna be notice he doesn't say where he's gonna be but he tells her how she can find him he basically says you know we'll play a little hide-and-seek if you want to find me just follow the tracks of my flock and if you follow the tracks of my flock you'll get there but more than that more than that notice what he says and graze your young goats by the Shepherd's tents he tells her noticed this he this is Bible study if you read it you move too fast he tells her don't come by yourself bring your young goats with you why because if you come by yourself people will probably think that you're just trying to come and chase after me I don't want them to have that impression of you but if you come with some goats and you're just simply letting your goats grazing along the same side as mine then people won't assume anything negative about you and your character do you see what he's doing he's trying to protect this woman's reputation and character so there's a slight satire here once again this little back and forth hide-and-seek coupled with the man's protection of the woman's reputation ladies you want oh man that's going to protect your reputation not some man that's gonna tell everybody some of your secrets some of the mistakes that you've made but he's going to protect you so that you still look good in the eyes of other people so basically this what he says I don't want you to look like that either so bring your flocks let them graze my mind so that people won't assume you're coming to see me alright so this is what is happening a godly man seeks to protect the image and reputation of his woman arise so brothers that is our goal that's what we need to do alright let's keep moving full accountability of your time and location is essential to a healthy relationship whew man we got to talk about this if you're in a relationship with somebody that doesn't want to tell you where they're gonna be and they don't want to be accountable for their time and their location you need to get away from that relationship because that means they're hiding something from you whenever you're in a relationship with someone you need to be able to be fully open and transparent about where you're gonna be so that your significant other knows at any time and at any moment that they can reach you and they know exactly where you are at any time she said I want to know where you are noon he says it's where I'm gonna be I'm gonna be grazing my sheep just follow that path and you'll find out exactly where I'm at open and transparent and vulnerable about your time and your location is key for any healthy relationship not only that a healthy relationship it has a good balance of time together and time apart all right a lot of people feel like you have to spend every waking moment together in a relationship no that's crowding that person and not giving them the freedom and time to develop their own interests and desires a healthy relationship is a good balance of spending quality time together combined with also giving each other space to be by each by yourself to develop and enjoy some of your other interests all right let's keep moving all right okay here we go let's keep moving all right this is ingredient number three affirmation oh this is good right here affirmation notice here I believe this is yeah this is some of the first time in the book where the man talks actually in verse eight okay but here is where the man affirms her beauty he says you are as exciting my darling as a mayor among Pharaoh's stallions how lovely are your cheeks your earrings set them afire how lovely is your neck enhanced by a string of jewels all right now brothers you ever wonder how okay imma go listen you ever wonder how men that you the world may not deem as being like super good looking or fine it can pull these beautiful fine women it's because they got game right like they got game they can like talk and these are type of things that women like particularly in the courtship phase right I mean he's like your earrings look good your cheeks look lovely your neck hmm girl you so beautiful you so fine right and so he's telling her these things he's affirming her beauty right but notice this you may say well I didn't feel you brother Alan but as a woman I don't want to be compared to a horse I mean what's this all about him comparing her to a horse all right don't worry we're gonna explain that in just a second now in another version it says this you my love excite men as a mayor excites the stallions of Pharaoh's chariots I'm going somewhere okay first of all a mayor is a female horse a female horse and so this is essentially why he compared see let me just go back real quick whenever you're reading the Bible an essential part that I talk about in my Bible course is you have to understand that there's a different culture that they lived in at that time versus where we live it so you have to work at transporting yourself back to that culture so that you'll say okay that means nothing to me today about comparing my wife to a horse but in that day what did it mean and so that is importance of this okay now let me read this horses that pole chariots were primarily male or stout but often in battle a mayor a female horse in heat would be released thus distracting the enemies horses allowing the offensive horses to be victorious right so if you can imagine this now you've got two groups of stallion horses they're getting ready to go into battle and one side would release the female horse that's in heat and all the other male horses whoa whoa oh man let's all go after her and they would all be going crazy and they were excited and they were distracted because of this female horse and that would allow the other group of horses to attack and be victorious so what is he trying to say he is trying to say in the same way that all of these men these other male horses just just get so excited and get so stir-crazy and just can't control themselves and they they just get so filled with desire for this one horse this female horse that's what you do to me that is the the type of excitement that I'm experiencing in this particular relationship all right he says girl you are so beautiful that you drive me and all of the other men crazy because we all want to be with you just like all the horses want to be with that one female horse that's in heat in the same way I want to be with you listen that has to be there particularly in the courtship phase if you're not turned on if you're not attracted if you're not drawn to this person and they don't do it for you they don't excite you then it's not gonna be there later if it ain't there at the beginning all right all right let's keep going so notice here the man continues his affirmation he says not only am I going to tell you that you're beautiful I'm going to put some action behind it we are gonna make you some earrings of gold and beads of silver he says hey I love your jewelry you're looking good right so I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to add on to that all right I'm going to make some more jewelry for you because I love how you are looking alright alright so let's keep going here a godly man here's the principle affirms his woman even when she's struggling with insecurities woo man this is important fellas if you really want to know let me just say something here I gotta say this everything that I'm talking about today I'm not mastering in my own relationship in my own marriage with my wife I need to be clear on that because it can come off as brother Alan is the master on relationships I'm just reading the Word of God to you I'm teaching you the Word of God I have to work in all of these areas in my relationship all of them all of them okay every single one which is why this I'm so passionate is hit me hard because I'm reading the word and I'm like I gotta get to work I got to do these things in my relationship with my wife on a regular basis now with that being said a godly man affirms his woman even when she's not feeling good about herself even when she has insecurities about herself a godly man can speak directly into that woman's life and even potentially into the area of her greatest insecurity so that she will ultimately feel secure in that relationship and in that insecurity okay let's move on because we got a little bit more to cover there's another scene change all right there is a scene change now that's getting ready to happen and the scene now shifts from outside with the shepherds remember she was out in the Shepherds grazing her flock hanging out in the middle of the day a little lunch break lunch midday rendezvous to inside on his couch hmm starting to get closer now to be fair it is highly possible and likely that she is imagining this entire scene that we're getting ready to talk about okay his words in the previous scene lead her to imagine in this scene so brothers if you want to have your woman attracted to you be careful to choose the words you use are you building her more or are you tearing her down more with your work with your words are you picking at every little thing that she does wrong or are you or are you affirming her and encouraging her in the areas that she is thriving in right it can make a huge difference in terms of how she responds to you all right so let's keep going all right notice verse 12 she is saying she's imagining this and this is the fourth ingredient of a successful or a healthy relationship and this one is probably little bit more particular to courtship dating okay intensified desire is your desire for this person intensifying as the relationship progresses or is it going the other direction before I go into that let me just share with you very quickly many many years ago I was engaged to be married when I was 24 25 and as I looked at that relationship my desire for this particular young lady was not intensifying as the relationship was going on it was dwindling away which should have been a sign to me that this relationship wasn't what I should have been in right but instead like a fool I went ahead and stayed in it I even got engaged thankfully God gave me the wisdom to sever that relationship before it was too late but the point is you need to make sure that your desire for that person particularly at the courtship phase is intensifying as you are progressing right now she says the king is lying on his couch enchanted by the fragrance of my perfume now we talked about this last week perfumed scent hygiene smell grooming super-important right fragrances were an extremely significant part of seduction and lovemaking in the ancient Near East culture very very important and it should be today right so much so check this out so much so alright do you all remember Esther chapter 2 whenever Esther was she was competing if you will for who was gonna be the next Queen Persia's Next Topmodel as we call it right notice what it says here at Esther chapter 2 as part of her training to learn how to please the King notice what it says before each young woman was taken to the king's bed she was given the prescribed 12 months of beauty treatments six months with oil of myrrh followed by six months with special perfumes and joint mints are you seeing this right before she could even see the king she had to learn how to take care of herself she had to learn how to make herself look the best and to smell six months of just caring for herself femininity right and smelling good being skilled with oils and spices and perfumes and all of these different things ladies I'm telling you if you if you want to attract a man you need to make sure you give serious consideration to this I'm just gonna keep it wrong right every person is not blessed with the same appearance but every person has the same opportunity to maximize what God has given them so don't go out the house looking crazy don't go out the house smelling crazy right even after you get married you got to maintain it you got to keep it up you can't just look good when the dating phase and then whenever you get married you let yourself go right you can't do those type of things alright so twelve months of preparation for beauty treatments and these types of things okay I can say more about that but let's move on alright so now I want you to notice here that she compares him number one she talks about her fragrance and how he's enchanted by that she smells good and he likes he can she can tell that he is turned on by her fragrance but number two no is what she says my lover is like a sachet of myrrh lying between my breasts now I told you is pg-13 now all right I told you is pg-13 here we go now um women would often wear a small little sachet or purse filled with myrrh between their breasts at night to intensify the lovemaking experience so that they smell good in that area she is imagining her lover spending the night right there that's what she's doing her desire for him is intensifying do you see this right she's heard her interest is intensifying it she's having thoughts and imagining just like this little purse of oil that's here is between my breasts all night man I sure wish he'd be there too all right there's nothing wrong with that listen we have this mentality in a Christian culture that sexual desire is wrong it's not it's right it just needs to be appropriated at the right time and the confines of marriage but it is an appropriate desire all right okay so let's keep going okay all right sorry okay here we go sorry I got a little distracted there okay and keep going and the third thing that she says he is like a bouquet of sweet henna blossoms from the vineyards of Engedi now that doesn't mean anything to us that don't mean anything right but Bible study not Bible reading you got to go deeper got to read some commentaries so you can see what this is actually talking about and it's actually a very deep significant meaning that we have here all right so notice this I've been a little bit of research the vineyards of an Getty that she's talking about were a refreshing oasis in the midst of a very dry and barren place west of the Dead Sea she compares him to this type of Oasis oh my goodness this Hebrew poetry is amazing she's basically saying hey in the same way that when you're in a desert and it's hot and is dry and is barren and there's nothing to drink and you are parched and you see an oasis and you see like oh man that's everything I've been looking for I need to go get that she says in the same way that you are refreshed with that oasis you do that for me you do that for me all right she says you are my oasis you are where I can go to get refreshed and nourished now that brings up a good talking point brothers are you that to your woman does she see you as a place where she can be refreshed and nourished and encouraged or does she see you as somebody that's gonna tear her down and throw her back in the dry and barren and parched land right or does she see you as that place where when she's been beat down all day from her job she can come to you and say oh I feel refreshed now I feel better now because I'm in the arms of my man he's affirming me he's building me up he's encouraging me in the things of God that's what she wants she wants to feel that oasis and people say the Bible is old-fashioned right this this my friend is what Bible study is all about here we go now let's keep going so this isn't too long we're at 52 minutes another scene change scene change the scene now shifts once again from his couch to the countryside for a romantic getaway all right notice this beautiful Hebrew poetry right here beautiful this is ingredient number five we got six of them ingredient number five creative romance we're almost through creative romance once again the woman is imagining this and and he talks first how beautiful you are my love how your eyes shine with love this is the man talking now it switches this is the woman how handsome you are my dearest how you delight me the green grass will be our bed The Cedars will be the beams of our house and the cypress trees the ceiling so either she's imagining this scholars are back and forth either she's imagining this or this is a real conversation that they have he is affirming her but now she says let's get outside let's go to the countryside and let's just get away let's run away and notice the language that she uses to describe where she wants to go she says the green grass will be our bed can you close your eyes and imagine this can you imagine going out into open field you and your lover with a nice little picnic a little picnic blanket and laying down in the green grass that's your bed just having a good time enjoying nature that's your bed and then she says okay the cedar trees will be like the beams of our house your hay she says hey if the grass is our bed and when we get to the forest these tall trees are like the foundational beams of our house and then she says and then she says these cypress trees will be like the ceiling they they hang over and they're gonna create some sort of like a canopy and man we're just gonna have such a great time we're gonna go out and we're gonna lay there and we're gonna pick flowers and we're gonna talk and we're gonna enjoy each other and we're gonna cuddle and we're gonna be affectionate and we're gonna enjoy the outdoors and the nature and just being around each other listen this is where many of us get it wrong myself included if I can be transparent with you we don't create if we don't do any creative romance anymore and most of the time it's it's it's on the man the woman wants to write but we don't why because oftentimes when a man gets married his focus shifts from pursuit to provide let me get let me repeat that when a man gets married his focus often shifts from food to provide we did all that stuff we were dating we wrote poetry we wrote cards we did all this stuff right but something happens when we get married our focus shifts now wait a second now gonna provide for this woman out of time to pursue her anymore and then the woman that woman's romantic side just dies because the man does not get creative in his ability to romance his woman this woman wants to go outside and enjoy the grass and take a walk and just have a picnic right we need to continue to do those things even in marriage all right I'm almost done the scent of the grass the cedar trees and the cypress trees make this a perfect romantic rendezvous all right here we go let's keep going successful healthy relationships find new creative ways to keep the spark alive in their relationship we got to find new ways to keep the spark alive or the spark is going to go out okay let's keep moving along this is the last one and I'm going to open it up for questions so hang with me appreciate it ingredient number six I love this of a healthy relationship or a healthy courtship a unique love a unique love now notice this how does the woman see herself how does the woman see herself this is how she describes herself in verse 1 of chapter 2 I am only a wild flower in Sharon a lily in a mountain valley she sounds just a common flower I'm just like all the other girls nothing really special about me why would he want me I'm just a normal common flower amongst all the other flowers right that's how she sees her sit her self that's not how he sees her excuse me the man sees his woman in this way he says no no no let me let me slow you down let me correct you you're like a lily among thorns is my darling among women he says when I look at you baby girl when I kachou you stand out as a lily and all the other girls look like thorns compared to all the other girls you are a lily and they are thorns in my eyes do you see that there's something special about this woman there's something unique about how he feels about her listen I'll be honest with you before I met my wife I dated several women before I met her and I never ever felt this way I never felt that they were unique to me I never felt like there was something so special about them as compared to all the others and that's how I knew that my wife was the one because the way I felt about her was different than any feeling I ever felt about anybody else all right along with many other reasons as well okay but now it's not just her him affirming her let's keep going notice how the woman sees her man she says like an apple tree among the trees of the forest so is my dearest compared to other men she says okay we too can play that game if you think I'm a lily among thorns I see you as an apple tree among all the other trees and fours imagine if you saw a tree a forest filled with trees and and you went and you were like wow that's an apple tree to expect to see that he stands out to her that's the whole point he stands out to her and so once again if we are going to have a courtship that is going to lead to a great relationship a great marriage it's very important for us to have a unique love so the love that you have during the courtship and marriage should be unique compared to how you feel about anyone else that's the key all right that is the idea all right and okay so that's all we got for today all right that's a lot that's a lot now let's checkpoint let's go back and let's check I want you to ask yourself the modest question how are you doing in these six areas of your relationship be honest with yourself eyes I've had to do all week and rate yourself one to five one to ten how are you doing in the area of vulnerability rate your relationship do you feel safe do you feel like you can be open and transparent and vulnerable with the person that's your whip even if you're married even in your marriage do you feel like you can be open and share the deepest things that you're going through or do you feel like you have to go to other people your girlfriends or god forbid somebody else of the opposite sex at the job or in the church or whatever or do you feel like you can go to your significant other and be vulnerable you want to rate that number to quality time are you and your significant other making a an intentional conscious effort to spend time with one another or are you allowing all of the other pressures of life to come in and keep you from spending time with one another thus building your emotional connection with one another or let me go the other direction are you spending too much quality time together to where everything else in your life is suffering all your relationships are suffering your work is suffering your ministry is suffering because all you want to do is be around that person all the time it's got to be a balance number three affirmation this is huge and it goes both ways male to female female to male how are you doing at using your words to build up the other person in your relationship are you using your words are you telling him honey I believe in you I believe in your dreams I believe in what you're doing I thank you that you are the provider and the priest and the prophet and pastor of our home I thank you for being a good father I thank you for being a loving husband I thank you for being a man of integrity and godly and godliness are you telling her I think you're beautiful I appreciate how you're taking care of the kids I appreciate how hard you work for our family I appreciate how you support me in the dreams and visions that I have for my life are you using your words to affirm your significant other number for intensified desire particularly as a courtship is your desire increasing or decreasing for this person number five creative romance have you let your relationship just get stale to where you're not doing anything just going to work coming home going to work coming home washing the dishes taking care of the kids going work coming home or are you spicing it up a little bit doing something different switch up the scenery do a little something different just so you can keep that spark alive and in number six unique love do you see this person as being completely and totally unique compared to everyone else on the earth these are the six ingredients that I see from this text of a healthy successful thriving courtship and relationship okay I'm done that's an hour all right and we're only in chapter 2 verse 3 that's it all right we got seven more chapters two through eight now we're gonna pick up some ground over the next couple of weeks we're not gonna be here all year all right but you can see how rich this is so hopefully you all enjoyed that hopefully you got a lot from it I want to take some questions now and by the way I'm looking off of the camera because my my computer is right here and I need to be able to look at these questions so that I can put them on the screen now if you did ask a question earlier I didn't see it obviously so if you have a question would you do me a favor of asking that question again so that I can put it on the screen and I can answer your questions sadly my wife isn't gonna be able to be with us this week because she's working she has an important presentation to do at her job but just continue to pray for her you know as she's balancing motherhood and being a wife and supporting her husband and working full-time as well which some of you know that can be difficult Carlos says this guy needs to be a pastor god bless you Carlos thank you so much man you are a blessing man thank you so much I feel like I am a pastor I'm the internet pastor right thank you so much for that okay uh okay I'll be honest with y'all I'm put my tea glasses on because I can't see all right uh let's see here ah let's see here should teen oh here's a good one all right I'm gonna take this off I don't like should teenagers date if so when should they start dating or courting oh man great question great question okay let me answer that um first of all let's talk about the difference between dating and courtship I have a whole video on my youtube channel that you definitely need to watch the difference between dating and courtship I'm gonna give you one point that I talked about last week dating is recreational courtship is intentional dating is I'm just about having fun courtship is we're going in a certain direction we're moving we're going somewhere there's an intent behind this and so you want to make sure that you are courting and not dating because when you date you get in trouble because you date this person then you take that person date this person you get your heart broke and you start breaking other people's hearts as well now can you get to know somebody in high school yes you can to things it should first and foremost be at the approval of your parents because you're still living under their roof and number two the best situation is to date or court should I say in the con the context of groups other friends you know hang out with other groups of friends and at number three keep it public and not private don't spend a whole lot of time parked in a car or you know in close proximity like be out in public go out to Starbucks together go out to the mall together movies different things like that because you will keep yourself from getting in trouble there's a lot of people that are mature enough to be able to date even in high school and then sometimes they stay with that person through college and getting up getting married so I'm not gonna say it's wrong but just run that by your parents and make sure that you're according in a way that's that is appropriate and godly good question alright okay here's another good question I'm gonna try to do these quick how do I know if I should get married okay pretty simple if you're a man and you have a sexual desire you need to get married that's as simple as that because if not you're either gonna a be struggling the rest of your life with your sexual desire or B you're gonna be fornicating for the rest of your life where you have to now decide oh I'm just gonna just be a sinner I'm just gonna be a fornicator because I can't control myself why would you want to purposely choose to be a fornicator when God has this gift of marriage for you if you take it more seriously and get you know and and pray and ask God to show you who this woman is that he has for you so if you're you know if you're a woman and you have a desire to have children and all these things then and you have sexual desire as well because it goes both ways then you need to be serious you know you know that you should be married so that's a good question right there shelana says loved it thank you so much Ilana I appreciate that thank you for tuning in let's see here let's see ah oh good one Bella says have you guys ever heard of the gift of singlehood yes Paul talks about that in first Corinthians chapter 7 he says each person has their own gift some like me being single and others the gift of marriage the gift of singleness is someone who does not is not constantly distracted with sexual desire and they're able to completely and totally give themselves to serving God in his kingdom all right very few people have that given but some people do they don't want to be married they don't want to have children they they just they don't have they're not distracted constantly all day every day with their sexual desire they're able to tame that it doesn't mean they're asexual this means that they're not distracted by it and they can successfully live as a celibate Christian as a single seldom a Christian and these are people that can devote themselves 100% to the kingdom so yes there are people that have that gift oh man Sassie question why is this not taught more in church by pastors I don't know I don't know this book I'm a matter of fact how many of you I'm gonna ask this question and just leave it in the comments how many of you have ever how you have ever seen a or heard a sorry how many of you have ever heard a sermon at any point in your life from the book of Song of Solomon I mean I would probably venture to say very few of us have right because we hardly ever hear anyone preaching from this book and yet it is amazing what just didn't start there is so much more in this book I hope you tune in every single week because there's so much more that you guys we're gonna we're gonna get into I'm not sure why though okay right here we go where do you find Christian men and what is what is too long to date or court before marriage man I love these questions diamond great question we're gonna answer that okay where do you find these Christian men first of all I would start with your church group because more than likely the guys there that are involved in your singles group or your church group are already you know under the same teaching that you are you can be assured that they're you know at least Christian for the most part you can probably assume that that doesn't mean that they're not gonna mistreat you but at least you can be assured that they are a Christian and also you'll have more of an opportunity to meet other guys now you got to be careful not to just date around but you know you got to be careful with that now another place that you can go is online look I dated online whenever I was single I went to eHarmony I went to you know Christian mingle different different sites I tried to stay away from like tinder and stuff because you know at the time I wasn't it wasn't really that big of a deal but there's nothing wrong because if you go to work Church home work Church home and all three of those places you're not finding two people or not being engaging with the people that you really want to be with then you may have to do something different try something different switch it up and you may meet somebody online there are couples today that are happily married they have children and all that then met online online there's no shame it's just a wait it's a different way to enter to be to make an introduction with two different people used to have to take it from there now what is too long to date or court before marriage I would say you know this varies but I would say as a general principle a year I think a year is a long enough time to let be initial infatuation of that person kind of we're off to where you're not just marrying them because you're infatuated but you've seen that person in a variety of different seasons all four seasons and you're able to assess okay it's a year now and I'm still pretty and super excited about this person because if you go with just how you feel in the first two months maybe only times I've been excited about a girl after a month or two like that happens all the time but let the test of time pass a little bit so that you can assess whether this is someone you really want to spend the rest of your life with all right good question good question um let's see I don't even read this one yet but let me read it sam says hi Alan most of us me included have decided in our heart who we want to pursue in our heart when we pray regarding God's direction we wish just for God's confirmation not Direction help okay I think what you're asking is how do you get that confirmation from God that this person is really the one that you want to be with okay I'll be honest with you a large part of it is your desire a large part of it is your desire God has given us all natural desires and preferences and you have every right to have those preferences right so do you like this person let's not over spiritualizing do you like them do you like being around them do you have fun do they do it for you are you excited around them this is why marriage is not just a Christian institution unbelievers can be married and happily married as well because it's a simple thing do you like being around any number two has God confirmed it with other people you know preferably your parents but that's not always the case not always the case you can't go by that all the time but hopefully those who love you will have affirmed that yes you know I feel like this person is somebody that is for you because we've known you your whole life and there for a week we know kind of what you like and what you don't like and what's good for you so we think that this is good for you and then how do you feel in your spirit over time do you feel a sense of peace about this person and at some point you got to just pull the trigger step out there and say hey I'm gonna do it from everything I have in terms of my knowledge I feel this person loves the Lord and I'm gonna go ahead and pull the trigger okay okay Frances says what if a girl is too closed up in church I'm not sure if you could clarify that a little bit more I would appreciate that ah Kenny good question how can you use these techniques for a long-distance relationship you can be creative romantically because if you see that person every so often what you should you can be creatively romantic whenever you see that person my wife and I when I would go to DC and visit her cuz we dated long distance for a year before we got married we would walk we would go out to dinner I would cook for her she would cook for me right I wrote her letters wrote her poetry um I would sing songs to her and I'd record him on my phone and I would text them to her in the middle of the day so when she's at work and she saw this text come through so my baby's thinking about me right there's all sorts of ways you just gotta get creative okay you gotta get creative alright good question let's see here Frankie says this was really good Thank You Allan thank you so much Frankie I appreciate you I'm glad that you enjoyed it let's see here oh good one what are your comments on silent treatment in a relationship yeah if you are dating somebody that gives you the silent treatment which is the idea that you know I'm gonna punish you because you hurt me I'm gonna punish you by just withdrawing and and being silent and I'm gonna force you to have to beg me for forgiveness that's a very immature way of handling flicked and if you see that now multiply times 100 in marriage whatever you see on this side of marriage is in the courtship multiply times 100 when you get married because things are only going to intensify so you need to make sure that you're clear on that okay Bella said nope don't want the gift of singleness I feel you Bella I didn't want it either and God didn't give it to me so praise the Lord I feel you on that ah all right ah oh here's a good one let me see how do I go about when the guy does not want to pursue and you know he is the one or thinks he wants to pursue you but it's just afraid or timid okay number one how do you know he's the one that's the first question I would ask because if you know he's the one but he doesn't know he's the one for you then that could be a problem number two do you want somebody that is so timid and fearful of pursuing you that he's not doing it is that the type of man that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who's not and confident in himself to be able to pursue you number three if you feel like he's a little bit intimidating whatever give him a little nudge encourage him a little bit right let him know in some special unique way that you're interested and maybe that'll give him the green light to get over some of the fears that he may have okay we're gonna hit some of these in a rapid-fire fashion good question here we go Stephanie said I really enjoyed that this encouraged me to initiate quality time with my husband yes Stephanie my wife and I are struggling with that right now she works full-time I worked for a time I've got a ministry this ministry on top of my business that takes up a lot of time and we got a two-year-old a three year old time for us is just not there right now and as a result you know it's we're struggling to to maintain that emotional connection as much as we both would like because of the lack of time so it's important for us to make sure that we get that in there very good point all right ah let's see here okay how to deal with a previous unbeliever crush who still likes me a great guy but God said no what kind of wisdom should I use in communication I don't want to waste an opportunity to bring him to God yeah so this is called you know the whole missionary dating thing you know you don't want to date somebody trying to bring them to God you know encourage them to go and get connected with other people who are you know Christians particularly same-sex but if they're a non-believer steer clear away from that in terms of trying to lead in terms of trying to have a relationship with them because if you like them and they like you there's gonna be tempted whenever you feel lonely to be in a relationship with them and that is going to pull you away from God but ultimately keep you away from the person God does eventually have for you if you were to yield in this particular area of your life so that's what I would say then we're gonna take 10 more minutes of questions and that way this would be a 90-minute live stream all right let's see here oh thank you so much for the super chats you all are a blessing for all of you who gave me a super chat thank you so much all of the are super chats really do help this ministry move forward to provide for all of our expenses okay I don't know if you all know but we've got about four or five people on our staff that we pay every month is not just a solo thing I got a graphic designer a video editor an intern a community care manager and we're getting ready to hire a social media manager as well and all of them deserve to be paid and compensated alright and so thank you for your help and for your support it is much appreciated as well as all the different furniture lighting and microphone and all the stuff that we have going on it cost money so I appreciate that Leslie thank you so much Oh what are some things to help with quality time scheduling it and being intentional about it if you do not and your not intentional about it as I'm seeing now it doesn't happen you can't hope for it to happen you can't think and wait for a time when it's gonna be free you have to make it happen you have to say okay we're gonna babysitter we're gonna have somebody watch these kids because we're going out to eat we're gonna go and take a walk in the park we're gonna do this and he has to be on your calendar and you have to schedule it out that's the only thing that's going to work okay let's see I'm just going through as many as these can what to do if you know a couple who is married but don't get along very well I'm not sure if I understand that in terms of what to do so you may want to rephrase that if you know they don't get along very well I'm not sure about that okay here's a good one Gideon says they say it is improper to pursue a man should women pursue or meet at the middle like Rebecca right I don't think women should pursue here's why if a woman pursues a man then she will always be wondering whether that man is with her because of her pursuit and her push she'll always be wondering did I kind of force him to be with me when he really didn't want to it to be really right but when you let a man pursue you you will know okay he's with me not because I forced him to or put a gun to his head or or just constantly try to hold his hand throughout the whole process he came after me which will always affirm in my heart that he was interested in pursuing me all right so that's what I would say there okay all right let's read this from Daniel how do you think that the things about the fancy jewelry here fit into the ideas elsewhere in the Bible like first Timothy not with elaborate hair sighs okay good so reading first Timothy if you read it first Timothy three it says do not let your beauty only be an outward appearance right so in other words don't just don't just focus all of your efforts and attention on how you look on the outside without giving it prop attention to what's going on in the inside but nowhere does it say you shouldn't adorn yourself with jewelry and you know whatever you feel like you need to do to make yourself look good it just says don't do that at the expense of focusing on the inside good question okay okay Andy dear Alan and anyone else I am struggling with pornography and masturbation and just wanted to confess my name is Andrew but that was kind of obvious yeah Andy yeah a lot of men are struggling with this and I highly encourage you to to work through that before you get into a relationship so that you're not gonna make that woman feel like you're choosing or you desire sensual pornography over her because a lot of you know a lot of women are going to feel that way alright I want to really encourage you send us an email at info at Allen Park comm because we have a coupon code we can send you for 30 days free of covenant eyes you may have that already but if you have filtering software on your computer that force that and your phone and all your devices that keep you from going to certain sites blocking those sites as well as other people that you can choose as accountability partners it makes a huge difference because now you're going to have to it's just a second layer protection now you have to think long and hard about whether you're going to go to that particular site if you know that someone near and dear to you is going to see on their report what you did so send us an email on that info at Allen Park com good question Andy we're praying for you there okay here we go [Music] okay blue torpedo we did answer that question a little bit earlier about how to know when you got married let's see here let's go down a little bit further okay yeah let's keep going oh here's a good question cata loves resets what if you don't feel any sexual desire anymore with your fiancee and you know you're gonna get married with him so that can affect your marriage whoo man yeah you need to investigate that you need to be very honest you need to look into what's happening there okay because you know you need to because when you get married that's the first thing that that's gonna be coming up is you know they're gonna have a desire for sex and if you don't have that desire that can be devastating to your fiance and and then you can't get out of the marriage so now basically they're stuck in a marriage for the rest of their life with someone that doesn't desire them if you're engaged I don't care how long you've been engaged never be afraid of postponing or calling that off even if people have bought tickets to your wedding you put money down on a venue because getting married is serious it is serious and if you're already feeling like you've lost a sexual desire for your fiancee and y'all haven't got married that's an issue now along those lines you need to investigate why you've lost it and whether you can get it back because if it was there at one point that means you can get it back it can be there again so you need to explore what was it that may have happened in this relationship is it a disconnect that we're having is it hormonal is it something going on am I depressed what's going on with me that has caused me to not feel this way about this person anymore but if you've never really had the hot fire for them that's an issue so either way I would postpone the wedding before you ruin that person's life sex life should I say and figure out what's going on and why you're not feeling that all right good question let's see we're gonna take three to two more okay listen it's a quick one is it okay if you're married but don't want kids absolutely it's okay there's no sin about that not a problem there let's see here all right I had somebody telling me the same thing Kyla yeah okay I had a pastor say it doesn't matter if I'm physically attracted to a man or not as long as he can provide for me does God care if I'm physically attracted to someone because I do yes he does that's the whole purpose of this study do you see this woman in this book does it look like she just doesn't have a physical attraction longs for him she thinks he is amazing and I think God put this book in the Bible to show us what it's supposed to be like right if you don't have physical attraction for a guy you are as I said last week you're robbing him and yourself of the gift of sexual pleasure you're robbing him because you're gonna get married and he's gonna quickly find out that you're not attracted to him and and then you're also robbing yourself of the gift of sex I'm gonna say this and I hope he's not watching I've got a friend of mine a very dear friend who's been married for over 10 years and they've not had sex one time in 10 years because his wife does not want to have sex with him I don't know if it's an issue from her past or it's an issue where she's not tracted to him or not okay yes I'm gonna start seeing some some crazy faces here on the compliment but it's true he wouldn't lie to me he's told me that over 10 years ago when they got married they never consummated their marriage they tried one time like within the first week if so didn't work something at work whatever and never since then not one time have they had sex over 10 years and he is struggling he loves the Lord but doesn't know what to do with the sexual desire and doesn't not want to get divorced why this is important you need to deal with these sexual issues before you get married so you don't ruin someone else's sexual life this is a gift from God a gift from God all right all right see what you all's response was to that all right okay we're gonna take one more question all right oh there's a good one huh what do you think about kissing in courtship yeah I would say that you know it's going to lead it could lead to other behavior so you need to be very careful about that I'm not gonna be one of these super spiritual people and be like don't kiss when you're courting I mean if you can hold out and not that's great but you just have to maintain certain boundaries and you have to say okay you know um I don't know from the neck down is off-limits all right so we will kiss and even then you got to be very careful that these kisses are not constantly causing you to have feelings of lust because then you're sending with lust so this is the reason why I recommend being intentional about courtship dating for a shorter period of time maybe six to eight months assessing from every level where this relationship is dating in community letting other people assess how they think your relationship is and then making a move towards engagement and then having a short engagement three to six months and then getting married because there's too much sexual desire during the courtship phase and you don't want to risk falling into sexual sin before so so those are my thoughts okay so good questions today all right tune in next week all right if I didn't answer your question I apologize I did the best that I could to get through as many as I could tune in next week if you want to get ahead start reading in Song of Solomon chapter 2 verse 3-4 and maybe read chapters two and three and let's see how far we can get next week and hopefully my wife will be able to join me next week as well not sure if she'll be able to because she does work during this time she was off last week so thank you all so much for your support once again if you want to learn how to study the Bible to this depth if you want to take it to another level and you want to learn how to do what I was able to do today just taking a few verses and taking them apart I teach all this in my course I teach you exactly how to do this all right it's $97 but listen that's the price of a nice dinner that you know a nice dinner you can go to dinner and waste that in in one night it's gone this is an investment for the rest of your life I learned this stuff 20 years ago and I'm still using it every single day of my life this is investment do not let ninety seven dollars keep you from learning how to study the Bible I promise you you'll love it if you don't in 30 days we'll give you a full refund no questions asked okay so it's it's a win-win for you alright once again if you would love to support us financially you can do that by going to Allen par comm forest last support we would appreciate your gifts but we understand if you're not able to give we just appreciate the gift of your presence and your prayers as well god bless everybody thank you so very much and if you haven't subscribed to us go ahead and go over to the YouTube channel and subscribe press that bill so you'll know of when we are releasing new videos all right I love you all looking forward to next week we're just getting started god bless bye-bye

Channel: THE BEAT by Allen Parr

Views: 24,360

Rating: 4.9451556 out of 5

Keywords: song of solomon, song of solomon bible project, relationships in the bible, dating in the bible, christian dating advice for women, christian dating, christian relationships and dating, christian marriage advice, christian marriage advice for wives, christian marriage advice for husbands, christian relationships and dating advice, funny christian marriage advice

Id: ceNuvLSVBsA

Length: 93min 13sec (5593 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 12 2020