The Trick To Remaining Untriggered By A Narcissist

being very entitled and controlling narcissists have no difficulty stepping all over your personal boundaries so that's why I put together an extensive video class called this is me it has 25 videos written documents guided questions I'm going to teach you how to have healthy boundaries there's a link below and I hope you'll find it to be quite therapeutic [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] I want you to think about the many times that you have become triggered by a narcissistic individual you know what I'm talking about when you find yourself responding to them in ways that don't go well for you and before you know it the hole that you thought you were in with that person just gets deeper and deeper and the frustration grows and grows you know what I'm talking about I I want us to recognize that there are two different ways that we can respond when narcissists are well narcissistic when they bring all of your control and they bring all of their manipulation and condescension and one way that we can respond is we can call it emotion over mind where your emotions just take off and run with you and and you just kind of leave your logic behind or we can we can go with a different kind of approach towards narcissists and we're just going to put this under the category that says Mind Over emotion now if you're going to have the ability to be untriggered not triggered by The Narcissist that's going to be the trick that you're going to have to pick up on how to apply the Mind Over emotion kind of tactic with narcissistic individuals uh now let's let's go ahead and state up front it's not wrong for you to have the emotion that you have but at the same time we also just want to be very pragmatic and say what are the net results where does it take you now before we get into this Mind Over emotion and how this actually can can help you I want to I want you to think about some of the things that actually do trigger you okay it might be that when you're with that narcissistic individual they can just come at you with all sorts of outrageous accusations about who you are and they speak non-truths about how you out responded to things or they make interpretations that make you look really bad and it's very easy in a moment like that to become emotionally triggered or how about when you're around that person who's an expert on everything they have these outrageous opinions they have the agenda and how things are supposed to go whether it's about you know big huge topics or about a little little bitty small things have to be maintained and you just get so exasperated your emotions can come along particularly as this is a repeated pattern or it could be that this is an individual that you just know has this simmering contempt or disdained toward you even though they may try to look like they're with you you know that they're not they're phony baloney it may be that these are individuals who just can't deal with anybody who's different from them it could be that this is an individual that would argue with a tree stump and it's just all it takes is one false statement on on your part and there they go straight into that argumentative mode it might be that this is an individual who's very evasive and excuse making and lazy and and it just kind of rattles you you can see that there are plenty of occasions when you're dealing with these narcissistic individuals for your emotions to run with you and you allow your reason to be set aside now see let's keep in mind narcissists are unreasonable individuals and keep in mind that word reason right in the middle of that they don't operate with legal reason and logic uh so much of what they believe and how they conduct themselves is based upon nonsense and it's actually their own emotional immaturity that keeps pushing them and so when you enter into that type of Realm with them where you find yourself also letting emotion guide you in the way that they act then you're playing their game notice how many times have you had these emotional kind of reactions where you might say something like I can't believe this person's so close-minded or this person is so impossible to deal with or I find this individual to be so unlikable I don't even like being in their presence or you can't have an adult conversation within this individual or why do they have to be so contrarian have you ever had that emotional kind of trigger and so on and so forth and again I'm going to say it's not that the emotion that you have is unfounded but what we are going to say is the emotion is not the only thing that we want to let to be present when you're in uh in some sort of Engagement with that narcissistic person and by the way do you think that the mark tomorrow when you're in dealing with that same person that it's going to be any different logic your mind your reason says there are certain things that are fixed here there are certain things that are predictable here we need to take that into account and so what you want to do is try to rehearse and Advance with respect to what some of the most common scenarios are that tend to trigger you kind of get it fixed in your mind what kind of things you need to watch for and then let's apply reason let's apply logic and in doing so that reason that logic your mind can override your emotion it doesn't negate it but it overrides it for example uh one of the things that your mind can remind you is this narcissist in front of me is interested in one person and guess what that one person's not you or we can also remind ourselves that the behavior and the attitudes that they portray have been going on for decades and today they're still doing what they've been doing for decades and tomorrow doesn't look a lot better we need to factor that in it's simply truth that's what your mind is going to remind your emotions or another thing that we can say is that when you go into a convincing or pleading mode with a narcissist the likelihood of you changing that person's mind you know it's pretty close to zero how many times does a narcissist said you know you're making a good point or wow I'm sure glad we have you around uh to help me figure out life no they won't they won't do that or whenever you ask questions for the purpose of them uh becoming pensive and insightful those questions are exercises in futility they're not going to change they're not going to defer to you and we can also say truth fact listening is not a narcissist strong suit in fact a lack of empathy is a defining feature of narcissism but then we can also say that arguing and condescension and non-cooperation is their strong suit they're good at that and then we can also say that once you become hooked by The Narcissist by your emotions they trigger you and that's the kind of reaction you have they're going to turn it around and play the victim role and make you out to be the bad guy those are the facts and every time that you think to yourself but I don't like the facts that's your emotion taking over and I don't fault you for thinking that but it's not going to lead you to a good place so it can seem terribly unnatural for you to think well do I just turn my emotions off and the answer is like well no but yes I mean we're not going to say quit being an emotional person but we are going to say that there are some circumstances where you can't really afford to let your emotions Take the Lead uh like I say it's going to play right into their hands every single time and you can think well does this mean I'm just going to give up and my response is yep that's exactly what I'm saying I'm going to give up on the thought that they're going to be reasonable individuals that they can use their mind in a fair and objective way with me they're not going to do it and any pleading and any emotional triggers that I um uh allow to to go my to myself to go into it's not going to make matters any better so when we take this Mind Over emotion tactic that I'm talking about it's actually the beginning point of using what we refer to as the gray rock technique now there's nothing more dull than a gray rock and so when you're in the gray rock mindset you just give dull and uh and and disinterested kind of responses or there's another mindset that I refer to and this is my last card or mental definition or description I call it delicate Detachment you detach yourself from them you realize I can't afford to let myself get too emotionally connected with these individuals it doesn't work and so but when I say delicate you unhook without meanness without malice but just with plain old simple fact and logic leading the way now just being honest with myself I'm going to remind myself that it does no good for me to be shocked I'm not going to be shocked anymore it does no good when I register the emotion of surprise not surprised when they come at me it does no good for me to just continue to stay guarded and defensive don't feel the need to do that my mind tells me that I don't want to go into the space of hate or aggressive anger because all that means is I'm becoming just like the person that I don't even like that's right there in front of me I don't feel the need to be argumentative and when I say that I'm exasperated I'm not going to let that exasperation so run with me that I lose who I am so when we take this tactic that unhooks you or untriggers you from The Narcissist what we're basically saying is Mind Over emotion means listen to logic or we're also going to say when your emotion takes you into an illogical kind of uh hope or desire uh it's it's necessary for you to cut that off and say you're going into a pipe dream that isn't going to come true instead remain true to your common sense you see whenever you get triggered by their emotions it allows them to play one really huge game with you and it's what we refer to as the gotcha game okay they say or do something outrageous and then you go into that strong emotional reaction and then they say ah gotcha look at you you're so unreasonable uh who's gonna who's gonna be able to engage with you they're the victim and and you're the the perpetrator we're not going to let that happen uh my mind tells me I I need to modulate my emotions I need to listen to myself and then I'm going to connect with individuals who do know how to connect on an emotional basis and it's not going to be that strongly narcissistic person I hope that videos such as this can give you some good things to think about and a good angle for you to anchor down in as you're engaging with these difficult individuals if you've not already done so I would encourage you to hit that subscribe button hit the like button too and if you haven't need for therapy and I know that many of you have a desire to uh to talk this out with somebody who can assist you I'm so pleased that I've been sponsored now for years by the people at betterhelp.com there's a link below where they'll be able to take you to a whole team of licensed professional therapists who can assist you as you try to make your way through the the maze that these people put in front of you so if that's a new I strongly encourage you to go in that direction we also have my therapeutic courses uh and each each course it's like signing up for an online class and you can do it at your own pace I will send you the entire package it has multiple videos written documents and guided questions we have this is me which is all about establishing boundaries we have free to be finding yourself despite the controllers uh we have a Ready Set connect about making good connection skills and then in addition we have my webinars which are more brief and they're they're very popular too you can go into that we have my surviving narcissism podcast we have uh our website with many articles we have my books plenty of resources for you to Avail yourself to okay I know that you have a motion associated with narcissists the emotion in and of itself is not wrong but when you see that the narcissist is going to take that and run with you in a wrong direction it's like no way am I going to play into that game I'm on to it my mind tells me that I'll reserve my emotional responses to people that I can engage well with and in doing so it positions you to be a person of steadiness as opposed to entering into their lack of steadiness and I'm hoping that in the end you can become the person of peace that the narcissist is not able to match pitch with foreign [Music]

Channel: Surviving Narcissism

Views: 160,425

Keywords: covert narcissists, malignant narcissists, gaslighting, Dr. Les Carter, anger, boundaries, mental health, psychology

Id: xmeAmlNc6_U

Length: 13min 41sec (821 seconds)

Published: Thu Dec 29 2022