The Special Girl Trope - Moving Beyond a Male Creation

this video is sponsored by ren an incredible website that makes it easy to calculate and offset your carbon footprint i don't know how long i've waited for you what makes a girl special is it just being loved by a special guy our story's most iconic special girls like twilight's bella or 50 shades of grey's anastasia are singled out as different from everyone else but why if we look at the special girl on screen we can see some common patterns the special girl is a chosen one but in this case that means she's chosen by the boy everyone else wants your everything that i want it's his adoration which on some level confirms or even creates her specialness the special girl is magnetically instantly irresistible to the guy everyone around her can't have why did you hate me so much when we met only for me can we want you so badly and others are jealous if not totally baffled people aside from the special guy typically fail to appreciate her appeal because for the most part she seems normal she's pretty but in a girl next door every woman way she's not an obvious bombshell she's quiet yet deep with an air of mystery she's often a virgin craziest place you've had sex fast are you a virgin she may appear unassuming but she's able to unlock something hidden in her very special boyfriend so i'm going to do my kind of dancing with a great partner somebody who's taught me about the kind of person i want to be this is often because she has a different way of looking at things she makes the special guy feel even more special and helps bring out the normal or good side within him you're what makes me real if the special girl is given her special status by a guy that means that her identity is a pretty fragile construct and her specialness can be taken away as quickly as it's bestowed but is there anything more deeply special about her beyond that here's our take on the special girl what really makes her unique and how true love makes us all special sometimes i can't believe how lucky i am that you chose me [Music] if you're new here be sure to subscribe and hit the bell to be notified about all of our new videos here at the take what's special to us is taking action to protect our world this video sponsor ren believes everyone can make a meaningful difference in the climate crisis ren asks you a few simple questions about your lifestyle then tells you your carbon footprint and how to reduce it then wren lets you offset your remaining carbon footprint by making a monthly contribution to fund projects that plant trees protect rainforests and so much more one project rent is supporting that's close to my heart is biochar in california it helps prevent wildfires in california's old growth forests by removing dead and flammable trees they then turn the tree biomass into biochar keeping carbon out of the air for thousands of years coverage of the california wildfires always makes me feel anxious and helpless so i was thrilled to contribute plus ren sends me monthly updates on projects i support so i can see what my money is spent on with plenty of photos and details in the past few years i've made small changes to live more sustainably like eating less meat and dairy and now through ren i've become so much more aware of my carbon footprint and how i can help offset your carbon footprint through ren by clicking the link in our description below ren dot co slash start slash the take the first 100 people who sign up will have 10 extra trees planted in their name [Music] perhaps the first special girl we encounter is the bible's virgin mary people often mistakenly think the immaculate conception refers to jesus's conception but it's actually the catholic doctrine that mary herself was conceived free of original sin in the book alone of all her sex the myth and the cult of the virgin mary historian marina warner writes that by her exceptional freedom from original sin mary is set apart from the human race in a special and separate category and on the surface mary was just a regular girl who was selected by god above all others so perhaps her special status is the reason why many subsequent special girls are virgins i'm a virgin cinderella's glass slippers are actually theorized to represent her virginity and all sorts of other special girls from bella swan to anastasia steele tessa from after and baby from dirty dancing lose their virginities to the special guy last night was the best night of my existence he was the best special girls are also historically found in fairy tales both cinderella and beauty and the beasts belle are good examples of the special girl although unarguably beautiful both of them are poor and most others around them don't see much to appreciate about their personalities how can anyone love a pebble in their shoe but the rich powerful princes see and fall for cinderellas and bell's inherent special attributes and superior characters these stories tap into a natural desire we all share for people to see us as special for who we are they also nurture an idea of predestined love as a faded connection can make even the most normal girl seem special too but his heart tells him that here here's the maid predestined to be his bride and in an article called someday my prince will come female acculturation through the fairy tale marsha lieberman says that the underlying associational pattern of these stories links the figures of the victimized girl and the interesting girl it is always the interesting girl the special girl who is in trouble in other words in these fantasy worlds the special girl is often the one who needs to be saved a fact that encourages young girls to internalize that vulnerability is linked to specialness i feel very protective of you so you followed me i heard what those lowlifes were thinking there's often no discernible reason why a special girl becomes a special girl a special guy's attention on her illuminates that she always was but in a way it's almost like that attention makes her special in twilight bella is normal from the outside but to edward she's the only person whose thoughts he can't read i can read every mind in this room apart from yours and her blood has some scent he can't get enough of your scent it's like a drug to me this invisible element of mystery that any every woman reading or watching can easily imagine she might have too makes her almost supernaturally irresistible to edward i don't have [Music] the strength to stay away from you anymore and there are definite references back to biblical stories especially when this chosen girl gives birth to a genetically unique daughter who is part magic part human born from twilight fan fiction 50 shades of grey is another example of a normal seeming girl 21 year old college student and virgin anastasia who has an immediate powerful hold over billionaire sadist christian grey this story adopts a modern day fairy tale setup right down to the casting of then unknown dakota johnson as anastasia as steven roderick wrote in an l magazine interview with johnson she was going to be the one who'd play proxy for those millions of breathless fans who fantasize about being taken by christian grey what would i get out of this me so it makes sense that anna initially appears average and acts in an underwhelming almost embarrassing way in her first interview with christian i'm giving the commencement address at this year's ceremony you are i mean um i know it's so we almost believe that this lucky girl could be us and the very first moments we meet anna she's contrasted against the beautiful icy blondes who work in christian's office sleek chic women with model bodies and faces all wearing silvery gray clothes the effect is that these women are almost robotic part of the great billion dollar gray machine and anna is different compared to these women anna feels inferior she has low self-esteem and feels exposed by christian's attention so when he insinuates she should apply for an internship with him she says i don't think i'd fit in here look at me i am it's implied that the special guy can see something in the special girl that we maybe even she can't see and that gives us the feeling that any girl could be the special girl if someone just looks at her right moreover part of what's special about anna is that because she's not like those perfect icy women she sees something in christian right away that others don't perhaps your heart might be a bit bigger than you want to let on there's some people who say that i don't have a heart at all which in turn makes him more curious about her i would like to know more about you and throughout the story she doesn't simply defer to his looks and power but challenges him to be the best person he can be in recent years more voices have found a lot that's toxic in christian grey or some of these other special guys romantic behavior it's christian he's here um in georgia oh here he what are you doing here christian i came to see you but in reality many guys who make a big performance over the special girl aren't head over heels edwards or christians and actually have more sinister intentions [Music] you are special you're talented you're passionate you're smart creating a special girl is actually part of a player's playbook a way to set the woman he's with apart from all the others and create an illusion of the relationship superiority from the outside a player might consciously make a girl feel special through three central techniques the first is love bombing this is when someone goes out of their way to make a new partner feel ridiculously special showering her with gifts and compliments asking her to move faster than she's comfortable with us together forever and that's that's what i want we've only known each other for six weeks i know and then after getting the other person hooked suddenly withdrawing that interest i ross take the emily take the rachel in a viral true story published january 2022 entitled the movie star in me dominica farad describes her experience with a very famous man who showered her with affection asking her to marry him on the third day of knowing her and then cut off all contact when she began to reciprocate another special girl player's tactic is telling her she's not like all the other girls i knew y'all special from the moment i saw you it's written on your faces while this can seem super romantic the truth is a guy who puts other women down and pits his date against other women even if he's saying she's superior is flying a red flag and the third toxic special girl tactic is isolating her perhaps making her feel it's them too against the world and attempting to sever her connections with friends and family so she has no support if his behavior starts to become more alarming or threatening this is what he does he tries to isolate me and he tries to get me alone the three tenets of toxic special girl creation are ordinarily performed by narcissists the kind of men who want to be with the most special girl and in some of the stories we see on screen the men that create special girls are predatory think monroe in diary of a teenage girl connor and fish tank or david in an education it's a special day she's a special girl with these often married men it's a repeated pattern where they shower young girls with attention making them feel like they're experiencing a special life-changing attraction when the reality is there's no future there and these girls are just vulnerable children god you're a child you didn't know about any of this presumably no i never do because of the toxic reasons a man might try to create a special girl sometimes her story is a sad one in big little lie celeste's husband perry swings dramatically between treating her like the most amazing woman on earth and then abusing her he treats me like a goddess when he's not hurting you and for a long time she clings to the idea that he's planted in her that she's special and she can fix him i kept saying come on celeste you can do it he's gonna change taylor swift's all too well 10 minute version describes her relationship a little like this the narrator was the special girl whose specialness shone on her boyfriend but the pressure of that was huge for her and ultimately he lost interest when she began to reveal the real her in blue valentine dean gets a special feeling about cindy she just seems different you know i don't know hey i'll do well no i just got a feeling about it but in the end being the special girl in a difficult relationship isn't enough for cindy she has to compromise everything she ever wanted including the medical career she dreamed of for a love story that doesn't really fulfill her turns out being someone's special girl is a lot of pressure it's a great look but you're looking at the wrong girl this is evident in jules and roo's relationship in euphoria no girl had ever looked at me the way roo did although rue loves jewels and puts her above everyone else jules sometimes feels suffocated by the pressure of being her special girl because it comes with a catch jules is apparently the one person roo can stay sober for her sobriety is like completely dependent on how available i am to her meanwhile other stories about love overcoming adversity are the tale of the special guy finally realizing the heroine is the special girl or finally committing to her after dragging his feet and her long weight for this moment can reveal another toxic side of the special girl narrative three words eight letters say it and i'm yours i in the carrie big relationship in sex in the city carrie is made to feel less than not worthy of ending up with the man she loves for years and his unattainability makes her want him even more she fixates on natasha big superficially perfect second wife believing that natasha is the special girl due to her beauty poise and youth she's shiny haired style section vera wang and i'm you know the sex column they run next to ads for penile implants yet big cheats on natasha with carrie reinforcing carrie's special power over him and eventually after years she is triumphant landing this man who has really never made her feel good enough only then is she the special girl carrie you're the one meanwhile if one partner puts the other on a pedestal as a special girl that can also make it hard to have a natural relationship sex in the city has a great example of this in charlotte and trey in trey's eyes charlotte is such a perfect wife and future mother ideal that in an illustration of the madonna complex he can't have sex with her trey sees you as his virginal wife not a sexual play thing today we're entering an era where young women are pushing back more against the faux special smooth-talking ott boy and all the love-bombing tools in his arsenal in olivia rodrigo's song deja vu she speaks to her ex's new girl in lyrics like i bet she's bragging to all her friends saying you're so unique so when are you gonna tell her that we did that too she thinks it's special but it's all reused rhetoric like this calling out the guy who uses the same special techniques on every woman he meets can help all women get a little savvier about recognizing canned cliched plays and instead seek out guys who want to form a genuine connection with them for them alongside the special girl loved by a man trope we've also seen the rise of the special girl story where she gets to be the central self-defined hero in films like the hunger games and shows like buffy the vampire slayer both katniss and buffy are strong resilient heroes in their stories before they fall in love i volunteer as tribute one girl in all the world a chosen one one born with a strength and skill to hunt the vampires these stories provide a breakthrough for the special girl as in their case love isn't actually what makes them special you're a hell of a woman it feels more explicitly like any guy in her life is just lucky to be there and play a supporting role [Music] the special girl trope can be toxic but that doesn't mean we aren't special especially in the eyes of those who love us carrie i know what i look like then you can't see what i see i'm not a model then you can't see what i see when a relationship is genuine and not based on outward appearances or weird power dynamics both people do end up feeling well special and to all the boys i've loved before lara jean covey is a special girl and not just because she has the special guy's attention she's kind shy quirky and deeply romantic with strong values oriented toward family we see all of that first and then we watch peter fall in love with her because of those things there's no one like you cubby their love story doesn't start out with him instantly knowing she's the one or intensely showering her with affection and he's not trying to shape her into some kind of mysteriously superior special girl that trumps all others actually they start dating as a decoy and he happens to fall for her unique personality along the way in legally blonde l doesn't fit warner's expectations of what a wife looks like i'm never gonna be good enough for you am i but emmett easily sees the special parts of l like how she's non-conformist and approaches situations differently to everyone else and we're trying to be something that i'm just just not what if you're trying to be somebody you are it's a reminder that specialness is in the eyes of the beholder and the one you're meant to be with is the one who sees the real special you pam from the office is the perfect example of a girl who's made special through her partner's eyes in a true love rather than toxic way pam's and jim's love is a slow burn romance that grows as they get to know each other better than anyone else and while other people may not think she seems good enough for him she'd probably be a six in new york but she's like a seven here in scranton he's steadfast in his commitment because she's his special person pam herself is so in love with jim that sometimes she fears she isn't special enough for him which is part of why their relationship takes so long to get off the ground and falters in the final season and i'm afraid that this is not enough for you and i'm afraid that i'm not enough for you but ultimately she is really special and it just takes the right guy to unlock and appreciate that in her not enough for me you are everything gloria from modern family is an example of the kind of woman who men want as a trophy wife because in society a beautiful woman acts as a special reflection of a man's achievements in masculinity and virility but what gloria wants is a man who makes her feel special for what's inside and her husband jay though he loves her looks regularly indulges the invisible and more vulnerable parts of her specialness gloria you're so much more than how you look we also see in modern family have a special status can be subjective phil is happy in his marriage to claire but when he bumps into a former college rival he implies that he's married to gloria pretending that he has bagged the trophy wife wow that's your wife it would appear so but phil doesn't realize that the guy he's trying to impress actually thought claire was the special girl all along i just always assumed you would marry claire pritchett she was gorgeous god i was so jealous of you back then which reminds us to focus on what we have and look for the special side of that finding what's special in your own relationship can be rewarding in 2016 a group of psychologists and behavioral specialists conducted research into sexual desire and concluded that feeling special is actually a key part of female desire so creating a healthy special girl narrative in the relationship can actually improve sexual chemistry and everyone wins and of course the most important thing is to work out what you find special about yourself this is mirabelle's journey in encanto surrounded by her ridiculously special family she's the only member who doesn't have a discernible gift i call it the not special special since uh you have no gift yet mirabelle is kind and loving and sees the best in everyone she's the glue that binds her family and proves that having some flashy obvious talent isn't the only way to be special in the lego movie all of the characters have been told that there's an elusive special someone with the power to solve everything lucy is desperate to be the special and she's sad when normal guy emmett appears to be the chosen one instead i wanted it to be me okay i wanted to be the special but by the end of the movie it turns out there was never any such thing as the special it was all down to self-belief the only thing anyone needs to be special is to believe that you can be lucy and emmett are working together to save their world showing us that being special comes in all sorts of forms and doesn't necessarily involve being labeled that way the same message comes through in the matrix where a big part of neo becoming the one is believing he is what is he doing he's beginning to believe and in the matrix resurrections trinity has more one-like characteristics i'm not doing this are you doing this underlining that it's really their love that's the special force being one in a million can actually be isolating when we reject being put on a pedestal we can ultimately become more than the special guy or girl we can become part of a special relationship whether that's with friends family or any kind of true love because i'm in love with you largely only this is the take on your favorite movie shows and pop culture thanks for watching and don't forget to subscribe [Music] you

Channel: The Take

Views: 632,244

Keywords: something about mary, twilight, bella, 50 shades of gre, anastasia, beauty and the beast, belle, christian grey, cinderella, gabriella, high school musical, trainspotting, dirty dancing, baby, american pie, jules, superbad, no strings attached, stargirl, her, my name is early, catalina, sex and the city, satc, carrie bradshaw, to all the boys, lara-jean, 16 candles, grease, sandy, a walk to remember, tessa, after, blue valentine, charolette, big little lies, celeste, you, joe goldberg, gloria, pam

Id: YKVqe4vsZHI

Length: 21min 37sec (1297 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 07 2022