“You don’t make an effort—
I am the second wife, Jay, why do you treat me
like I’m the first?” Modern Family’s
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett gives the second wife character
a voice—and a soul. When it comes to women
we “love to hate,” the second wife is usually
near the top of the list. In most film and TV,
she’s a caricature—often an opportunistic or airheaded
gold digger used to signal her husband’s midlife crisis,
as seen through the judgmental eyes of his ex or older kids. But Gloria reimagines the trope. “Gloria, the trophy wife. Jay, the guy on his, you know,
second marriage. And yet, I mean, this is a vibrant,
loving relationship.” While on the surface she
checks off many of the boxes of the “second wife cartoon”— “You don’t expect to wake up
one morning with a new mom who looks like she fell
off a mud flap”— as the show progresses,
we realize that Jay and Gloria are incredibly compatible
and in love. “The important thing is
you make him happy, which you do, in so many ways.” And Gloria is an irreplaceable
part of the show’s central “modern family,” with so many gifts,
a brave openness that the Pritchetts need, and a one-of-a-kind personality
that’s hilarious to watch. “When you're married to me,
you're going to get yelled at many times! And you’re tough enough to take it.” Here’s our Take on how
Gloria Pritchett tore up the second wife playbook,
showed us all those caricatures aren’t real, and gave us hope that
sometimes you really can get it right the second time around. Today, we have a new episode of
The Takeaway on Amazon Prime Video YouTube channel. We’re talking about
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and season four. “Hello, there, not many ladies
and many gentlemen.” We are digging into
the character of Midge. Midge is an icon of her time,
and also of ours. How many times did you watch
the show and you’re like, “I felt that. Yes!” And that’s what we’re really
interested in here. Obviously, this show is so much fun:
the retro 50s and 60s setting, the aesthetics, the production design,
the clothes. But the themes and the struggles
she’s dealing with are so modern. “Do we really need to be constantly
comparing ourselves so—?” “Come on!” She’s really a mirror for us. It’s cathartic for the contemporary
woman to watch the show. “I felt a kind of catharsis,
the thrill of spontaneity.” She wants to be defined by
what she wants to pursue, and there is a certain amount
of anger, but it’s empowering. “I’m gonna say exactly what’s
on my mind, all the time.” So be sure to check out
our episode of The Takeaway on Amazon Prime Video
YouTube channel, and find out why Midge is
such an icon of our times. At the beginning of Modern Family,
there’s a lot of dancing around the idea that the family views
Gloria as a gold digger, “He said you were a coal digger.” “Okay, I think we can move on.” “That's what my mom told me.” or that they’re dismissive of her as
not particularly deep or intelligent. "Gloria, I don't know why
you think I don't like you." "Well, sometimes when you
see me, you make that face." "What face?" "Like this.” But as we get to know her,
it quickly becomes clear there’s really no basis
for these implied slights. They’re projecting our culture’s
cartoonish idea of the second wife onto her: someone beautiful,
but not particularly smart, educated, deep or nice;
someone much younger than her husband (and sometimes even
his kids!); and always the butt of the joke. “Pretty soon,
you're gonna be north of 40, and I'm gonna have to
trade you in for a newer model, am I right, buddy?” “That's my mother, Jay.” So where do all the fears and
assumptions about second wives come from? “Second wives.
It’s like they have a playbook.” The very existence of a second wife
means something has to have happened to put the first wife out of the picture. And there’s something inherently
unsettling for a kid about the idea of a woman taking over
from your mother, thus disrupting the sanctity of the original family. So In plenty of movies and shows,
the second wife or stepmom has been portrayed negatively,
sometimes as a villain. See: Cinderella’s wicked stepmother,
a second wife who causes misery by abusing the first wife’s child,
or The Parent Trap’s scheming Meredith, an almost second wife who wants to
send the kids away from their father. “The day we get married is the day
l ship those brats off to Switzerland. Get the picture?” Meanwhile, women instinctively feel
a fear of replacement in a society where men are implicitly encouraged
to seek new, younger female partners. In Agnes Varda’s Le Bonheur
(or Happiness), after a man tries to convince his wife
that his taking a lover is a good thing for their family, she kills herself,
and he eerily welcomes the lover into their home as essentially a replacement. This tension is at the core of why
Jay’s first wife, DeDe, can’t help hating Gloria, even when she tries
to listen to her better instincts. “I forgive you.” “I am not prepared for this. I just…
I-I want to rip your head off!” It’s not an unfair stereotype that
the second wife in pop culture is often younger. “She’s my age!
Did she tell you that?” Actually, a 2014 analysis
of the census undertaken by the Pew Research Center showed
that one in five men who remarry go for a second wife
at least ten years their junior. “Being young and beautiful
is not a crime, you know.” This shows the Gloria and Jay
dynamic is realistic, and if we listen to what DeDe says,
we can easily imagine why it would feel so terrible
to watch your husband move on with someone like Gloria. “Jay moves on so easily, and-and
not with just anyone: with a young and smart and beautiful woman.” It’s also hard for Claire,
a Daddy’s girl, to accept that Gloria is younger than her
and attracts so much attention from men (including, in brief
moments, Claire’s own husband). “Is she moving in slow motion
or is my brain doing that?” A second wife like Gloria embodies
a youthfulness that the first wife has surpassed, and can never get back—
but it’s also more than that. The second wife might be portrayed
as cooler and edgier, too— making her a harsh reminder of
something bold and contemporary the (often more domestic) first wife
might feel is out of reach to her. The first wife might also be cast as a
complaining, bitter shrew, while the second wife
(without any of the baggage) gets to be framed as a beacon of hope. “God, I can't wait to meet my
second wife. I hope she likes me better
than this one.” In Mad Men, Megan Draper
is the quintessential example of how the second wife offers
this exciting spiritual appeal. “I feel like myself
when I'm with you, but the way I always wanted to feel.” While Don’s first wife Betty
is firmly entrenched in the style and decorum of the 1950s,
with her white picket fence, nipped-in waist, and perfectly
coiffed hair, Megan looks like a 1960s free-loving flower child
of the sixties, in bright colors and stylish clothes with sharp angles. She’s a visual representation of Don
leaving behind his old-fashioned perfect domestic life (and wife)
for more modern pastures. “I bought you the latest
Beatles album. Start with this one.” Similarly, in Modern Family,
Gloria is a fun and bold Colombian who’s lived an eventful,
interesting life and brings a different set of experiences and gifts
than DeDe to the family— so these differences make her more
existentially threatening to DeDe. Another key stereotype is that
the second wife is a “bimbo”— not smart or with solely vapid
interests like money and shopping. She might be assumed to be lazy
or taking a shortcut—marrying a richer, older man to get an instant comfortable
life instead of working to build it herself and unfairly reaping the rewards
of the first wife’s “labors.” But the truth is, most second wives
don’t have it easy. "From the beginning, I feel like
Manny and I are not welcomed in this family." By the time you’re the second wife,
it’s likely that both you and your husband have some baggage,
in the form of existing children, ex-partners, or alimony payments. And emotionally, a second wife
may have to work a lot harder to cultivate a positive environment
in her complicated family situation. Like Gloria, she probably has to
integrate into a fully-formed adult family that might be primed
to dislike her, while starting her own. Often in films and shows,
if the first wife is deceased— as is often the case in older
narratives, such as Rebecca, Jane Eyre, and Second Wife—
the idea of the first wife might haunt the marriage, as if no woman
can ever live up to her. “You'll never replace her.
You can't replace her.” If she’s alive, she’s frequently shown
to be a little imbalanced or resentful, intent on meddling in her husband’s
second marriage— “If you call her, you're giving her
exactly what she wanted. The thrill of having poisoned us
from 50 miles away.” much like DeDe, such an example
of the “crazy first wife” that even her own kids can’t really stand her. Also disproving the “taking it easy”
stereotype, Gloria’s life up to this point hasn’t been glamorous, “Do you know what a doll is
in my village? An apple on a fork.” which is part of what makes her
so charming and relatable. Gloria’s backstory proves she isn’t
a gold digger—Jay is her second husband, and her first husband
didn’t support her at all. Her feckless ex put in minimal effort
with Manny, so for a long time, she worked incredibly hard to
support him on her own— with street smarts we still
occasionally glimpse. “I used to drive a taxi at night. Manny would sleep in the seat
next to me.” Adjusting to a blended family isn’t
(at first) easy for anyone. However, since Gloria wants
her relationship with Jay to work out, she’s determined
to build a bond with Claire and the others. This situation—of older kids disliking
their dad’s new wife—is one that repeats across pop culture depictions, but it
rarely has a successful resolution. That’s what makes Modern Family
unusual: it grapples with why the family might want to judge
and dismiss Gloria, but ultimately shows that they shouldn’t. “You are going to tell me
what is wrong, and I'm gonna give you the right answer,
because I have all of them. And I know that you're strong enough
to win, and definitely strong enough to be okay if you lose.” So how does Gloria do it?
Here are her new rules for the second wife playbook. Voice Your Emotions Suzy Brown, the founder of
Midlife Divorce Recovery, says that despite second marriages
being more common today, there can still be a social stigma
around being the second wife. It could be worth talking about that. When Gloria opens up to Claire
about being seen as the “hot mom” at school, Claire immediately realizes
that Gloria isn’t this perfect, invulnerable woman Claire imagines her to be;
she’s human, with worries and pain. “You think I don't know
what they're thinking? Ah, here comes the hot one
with the big boobies that is gonna steal my husband." It can be fun to view the other
Pritchetts through Gloria’s eyes. Because she’s such an open person,
she’s baffled by their strange ways of handling situations—
how they bottle their emotions, and allow toxic behaviors
to repeat time after time. Fellow Pritchett spouse Phil might
talk privately or under his breath about his gripes with the family,
but he’s not outspoken, and when he does call Claire or others out,
it’s often because he’s pushed into an outburst of bottled-up feeling. “Your family has always
treated me like a child who can’t make his own decisions.” Gloria, on the other hand,
regularly calls the family out on their behavior, sharing how she feels
or how she can see others feel, with a tone that’s not nasty or loaded
(because she’s not holding things in until they explode). “You can’t sit on your feelings!
You will explode! I have, like, ten little explosions every
day, so I don't have the big one.” In this way, she brings a lot of love
and openness to the group, and teaches them basic
emotional communication skills. It’s her who reveals that
Jay really loves Phil, for example, after years of Phil resenting
their dynamic and feeling that he’s not good enough for Jay. “Since when do you care
what I think?” “Always! He thinks you’re the life of the party,
he wants to be more like you.” Much like an informal therapist,
Gloria helps the Pritchetts bring a little more self-reflection and
intentionality to their relationships. We’re shown that Jay has been
repeating the same toxic-masculine mistakes of his own dad, “I gave you twice as much
as my father ever gave me— the man kissed me one time
in my entire life.” and Gloria forces him to
consciously re-evaluate his behavior with his children. “When was the last time
you kissed Mitch?” “What does that
have to do with anything?” “I was 12.” “Jay. Kiss your son.
He’s a mess.” She recognizes that her husband
is far from perfect and pinpoints the issues that he has created
for his kids—and empowers them to speak out about it. “Gloria is right.
Dad, you being so emotionally closed off makes it very difficult
for your children to show affection.” Through these actions, Gloria brings out
a sensitive, flexible side of Jay that it’s implied his children
haven’t even seen before. The partners are shown to be equals—
they’re both quite fiery and can fight each other,
but always make up, and that security stems from knowing
that you can always express whatever you feel, and the other
person will still love you after. “That’s what I love
about our marriage. We can say whatever we want,
but the next day, we're still there.” Take Up Space When they’re in a situation where
they know they’re being scrutinized, many people try too hard
to be easy going and affable. Gloria doesn’t obsess over
what others think because she’s too busy being herself,
and we (and her family) love her for that. “What are you looking for?” “Nothing! I am making a lot
of noise because I'm angry!” Sometimes, new family members
might feel displaced by you, and while that’s something to explore
together, their complaints or battles with you might not even be rational. A lot of the time, we see this
in Gloria’s relationship with Claire, who struggles with how Gloria
makes her feel inadequate, “Your thunder is your thunder,
and my thunder is my thunder.” “I know. It's just that God
gave you so much thunder.” but that doesn’t mean Gloria
can fix this by trying to bury her own light. Set the Agenda While she may appear unpredictable
or impulsive in her emotions, Gloria is in control at home. She runs a tight ship, and both
Manny and Jay defer to her. “You're just tiny, little men to me
right now, and you need to leave this house and come back with
more respect! And a pizza.” She’s also extremely brave,
and this shows in the way she moves through life. “Are people going to like me?
Can I handle the challenge? You can ask these questions forever.
Or, you can just take the first step.” Know You’re Not a Cliche
(And You Married for Love) Sure, Gloria seems relieved to lead
a comfortable lifestyle after all she’s been through, but Jay’s appeal
to Gloria isn’t that he’s a rich guy. It’s that he’s reliable and wants to
take care of her and Manny— something she’s never
experienced before. “If I wanted to be married
to a wild man, I would have stayed with Javier.” Gloria also needs a guy
with Jay’s temperament— calm, dependable, and considered—
because she can be impulsive. “I like that you're calm,
that you think first, and you act second.
I need that in my life.” Gloria and Jay are shown
to be in love, and while he enjoys her looks
and she enjoys his money, this is far from the primary basis
for their attraction and deeper compatibility. “You’re so much more
than how you look. These have been the best
ten years of my life. I’m in it for every pound,
every wrinkle, every gray hair.” Both Gloria and Jay are aware
of how their marriage might look from the outside, but they’re so secure
in their relationship that they joke about the clichés others see them as. “You’re too funny.
I'm gonna share that one with my next husband when we're
spending all your money.” Stay Away from
Second Wife Syndrome In an article entitled “9 Challenges
of Being the Second Wife,” relationships writer Rachael Pace
discusses “second wife syndrome.” She says that second wife syndrome
can involve feeling that your partner puts his previous family first,
feeling insecure, comparing yourself to the ex,
needing to control your partner, and feeling as if you don’t belong. Gloria banishes
second wife syndrome by getting friendly with
Jay’s kids and grandkids, talking about her insecurities,
and forging a completely different life to the one Jay had with DeDe. “I hope you're hiring a nanny,
because this one won't lift a finger.” “But now it's different.
Now, I can help you with everything.” Another side of second wife syndrome
involves having issues with the first wife—which is definitely part of Gloria’s initial experience
in the Pritchett family, through no fault of her own. At first, DeDe is furious
at Gloria’s very existence, as it throws her into a
personal crisis, and she laughs at the pair
of them when she finds out they’re having a baby. “Oh, you’re going to be
a father again at your age. And here, you were thinking
you would just sail off into the sunset with your
beautiful, young wife.” But actually, the birth of Joe,
though unplanned, takes Jay and Gloria to a new place
in their relationship, and shows exactly that Jay wasn’t just in it
for Gloria’s beauty and youth; he wanted the whole package. Surprisingly, this even softens
DeDe’s feelings towards Gloria. “Turns out Gloria being pregnant
somehow made DeDe think of her as less trophy, more human.” Accept a Non-traditional
Relationship “Family is family.
Whether it’s the one you start out with,
the one that you end up with, or the family that you gain
along the way.” Part of being the second wife
involves accepting a relationship or family that looks a little
different to the picture-perfect imagination many might
start out with. But Gloria accepts that—
and reinforces the beauty in it, which in turn spreads out
to the rest of the family. While it’s regularly implied that
the non-biological mother can’t or won’t love her stepkids, “I won't have you
coming near my daughter.” “You don't have to get hysterical
about it. What do I care about
your daughter? I'm sick of hearing about her.” often this is unfair and untrue. Gloria enters Jay’s kids’ lives when
they’re adults and they aren’t looking to her to “mother” them,
but she does try to bond with them. And just as her positive presence
softens Jay, she influences him to have a better relationship
with his children— especially Mitchell, who didn’t
have a great time with his father as he was growing up. While DeDe deliberately sows
unrest between her children and their dad to get back at him,
Gloria encourages them to build the relationships up and
contributes to a blended family that may be messy
but is full of real love. “She’s got that killer confidence.
You know, the kind that you get from having a family like this—
family that actually loves each other.” Own Your Gifts Gloria isn’t trying at all
to fill a hole left by DeDe— she knows she offers different strengths,
and anyway, this is a different moment in the family’s lives,
calling for its own set of solutions. We see something similar in Stepmom,
the story of a soon-to-be second wife being initially rejected by her partner’s
kids and their mom, the first wife, because her attempts never measure up. “Oh, my gosh!
She made you a lunch?” But in the end, like Gloria,
Isabel really wants to be close to her stepkids—and (due to her
different age and strengths) she can offer them different gifts
than their mom does, which add a lot
to the family’s lives. “It worked, it worked, it worked,
it worked, it worked, it worked! Did you see the look on Brad's face?
Thank you so much!” One of Gloria’s gifts is that she’s
way less judgemental than Jay, “You don't get to tell everyone
how to live their lives, that boys cannot spend time
with their mommies, or that brothers and sister
can't make babies.” and helps him to consider
new possibilities—something his kids didn’t think was possible. When Jay shows his homophobic
tendencies towards Mitchell, “He doesn't get gay weddings.” Gloria is quick to reprimand him. “Pretty nice, huh?
Like a regular wedding.” “What?” “Don’t start, Jay.” And unlike with pretty much
everyone else in his life, Jay actually listens to her. And Gloria’s positivity inspires
Jay to want to be better for her. “Jay’s very spontaneous.
He's always surprising me with little presents, fun getaways.” “I wasn't the greatest husband
the first time around, but I'm trying to do better this time.” Despite joking about it,
Jay genuinely sees his relationship with Gloria—the way she makes him
behave, and how she makes him feel— as a second shot at doing marriage
(and life) well. Even if he’s not exactly young,
he feels his life is ahead of him. “It felt like my life was ending.
And now you're telling me that I get to have a new start
with the woman of my dreams.” And he’s learning what it means
to support the person he loves. In season six, we see Gloria
get upset when Manny and Jay laugh at her mistranslations. “For once, it would be nice
to speak to someone in my own language in my own home.” Like many second wives
and immigrants, Gloria gets tired of constantly being underestimated and seeing her intellect
wrongly diminished. But in the last episode, we see
exactly how far Jay has come when he reveals
he’s learning Spanish, “I got a big surprise for Gloria
in the works. I’m learning Spanish.” one of the most important
and special things he could possibly do for her. “Sorpresa, mi amor.” “You’re wonderful.” Tell Your Story Part of the reason the second wife
is so maligned is that she rarely gets her own narrative—
which is why it’s so groundbreaking that Gloria is such a fully formed
and appealing character, with a past and a perspective of her own. It’s easy to understand why people
fear, resent, and feel jealous of many second wives. It’s wonderful for Jay and Gloria
to get this second chance, but it can be hard for the first wife
(and sometimes children) to see that happening and not wonder
why they didn’t get to be with this amazing husband and father. That’s especially true because most
first wives re-enter a dating market that’s heavily biased
in favor of young women. Films like The First Wives Club
and The Women put an important spotlight on first wives, affirming
their value as smart, savvy, and a big loss to their husbands. “We helped them rise.
We can help them fall.” Still, that message doesn’t have to be
at the expense of turning another woman into a
cardboard antagonist. And ultimately, Modern Family
underlines that DeDe’s projecting a lot of baggage that’s not really
about Gloria herself. “Gloria didn’t steal me, DeDe,
and you know it. We grew apart for years. And you left to find yourself,
remember?” It’s important to see this picture
from both or all the women’s perspective. Gloria Delgado-Pritchett is the
representation of a second wife we never knew we needed—
a strong, capable woman who works hard at her relationship
and can handle a complicated blended family with ease. She shows us that sometimes,
the best things come the second time around. “I didn't mean for her to get hurt.” “Not her, him when he realizes that
not every second wife looks like this.” Who’s been watching season four
of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel? I’m watching! We’re so excited because we have
the latest Takeaway episode on the Amazon Prime Video YouTube channel. In this video, we’re talking about
Midge and how she is a modern icon. I really connected with Midge
as she’s coming into her own in season four. Midge found her voice, and now,
she doesn’t want to stop talking. “A voice is a powerful thing,
but it can’t do anything if you keep your mouth shut.” I think there are a lot of things that
we can take out of Midge’s playbook: be okay with displeasing people,
to get over the guilt, to own how funny you are
as a woman. “Comedy is fueled by oppression,
abandonment, and humiliation. Now, who the hell does that
describe more than women?” It is so great to see
an artist who says, “I’m not going to follow
the rules.” “I made a decision
to do things my way.” She really shows you
what it’s like to piss people off
and be okay with it. And I think that’s a very hard
thing for us women to get used to. “He thought I’d grow up
to be the perfect lady. And here I am, slinging jokes
in a strip club to a bunch of drunk men with
various degrees of syphilis.” It was helpful for us to kind of
go on this journey with her to think about our own journey. What are the wheels
that get us moving? What empowers us? And what are we willing to sacrifice
in order to combat the status quo? That is so current. That’s today. So be sure to check out our latest
episode of The Takeaway on Amazon Prime Video YouTube channel. “Thank you and good night!”
