Romantic stories are full of red flags. Why do we love them?

[Music] when you look at someone through rose-colored glasses all the red flags just look like flags are dating red flags romantic of course not but film and tv tend to romanticize totally terrible behavior to the point that as viewers we might find ourselves longing for an intense crazy unstable relationship like the ones we see on screen he's getting the car out get the car out we might expect these portrayals to be more thing of the past in today's more pc world but a surprising number of the most popular contemporary shows and movies still end up featuring toxic romances in a fairly glamorous appealing light so why is that for one thing it's because they're entertaining red flags succeed in drawing viewers into these dramatic romances they create conflict and interesting obstacles to structure the plot around as the characters have to outgrow their various internal issues to find love all of which makes sense in fiction but off-screen we should be talking like normal people yeah is that so wrong here's our take on some red flags that persistently get romanticized in modern media but should probably send you running for the hills irl did you follow me i feel very protective of you so you followed me [Music] before we go on we want to talk about our new episode of the takeaway on prime video youtube channel we are explaining the wild season two season two really raised the stakes we finally get to see the boys season one is all about this group of girls who are stranded on this island it turns out to be this crazy social experiment we find out that there's a group of guys going through the same thing in season two the guys were not what i expected them to be you think you're meeting some type and then you realize no it's not that type you don't quite know who's gonna be a villain and who's gonna be a hero it's definitely a story of survival it wouldn't be the wilds if it didn't raise a whole bunch of new mysteries so don't forget to check out the latest episode of the takeaway on the prime video youtube channel cheating i have a fiancee waiting for me at a hotel who's going to be crushed when he so you make love to me and then you go back to your husband while this seems like an obvious turn off many on-screen romantic relationships actually begin with cheating emily and paris's sexy neighbor gabriel pursues a relationship with her even though he's already dating her friend cammy grey's anatomy's derek shepherd starts a relationship with meredith while he's still married and without telling her this pretty important detail i'm anderson shepard shepherd and you must be the woman who's been screwing my husband this type of cheating is romanticized because protagonists like meredith and emily are portrayed as the one and the guy is cheating in the pursuit of true love but in real life any guy or girl who starts a relationship by straying from his partner is showing that he's untrustworthy and could easily do the same thing to you not taking no for an answer is often portrayed on screen as persistence a result of all consuming love rather than harassment ryan gosling's character noah in the notebook threatens to commit suicide to convince ali to go out with him will you will you not go out with me god damn my head okay okay fine i'll go out with you about times tim uses his time traveling abilities to redo every interaction he has with his love interest mary in order to become her dream man never revealing to her that he's basically tricked her into a relationship 51st dates uses a similar premise to show henry taking advantage of lucy's memory impairment and it's not always persistence on behalf of the men in heterosexual relationships carrying sex in the city is obsessed with big even though he proves time and time again throughout the series that he's a bad choice how many more times are you gonna go through this he is bad for you but the show promotes the idea that she can fundamentally change him just because she likes him enough presenting this persistence as true love can suggest that a person is entitled to a romantic relationship with the person of their choosing and as many do-overs as they need as long as they refuse to give up and when you love someone you just you you don't stop ever even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy even then especially then often persistent people in romantic narratives refuse to take no for an answer because they've idealized the person in their head i can't even send back soup well that's that's because you're such a sweet gentle [Music] um when ted meets robin in how i met your mother he immediately declares how much he loves her understandably because he barely knows her this freaks robin out idealizing a person so much early on in a relationship despite being portrayed as flattering and romantic is usually actually a sign that the person is infatuated with an idea of who they are rather than the person themselves the half of it explores this problem more critically when paul elicits ellie's help to woo astor despite not really knowing anything about her or sharing her interests what do you like about astor she's pretty this just leads to ellie forming a connection with the real aster while paul and ellie also develop a real friendship through the time they spend together stalking edward from twilight is famous for romanticizing this trait after he reveals to bella that he breaks into her room every night to watch her sleep how did you get in here the window do you do that a lot just the past couple of months i like watching you sleep in the movie it's framed as proof of how much edward loves her and that he just can't stay away from her christian gray from 50 shades of grey follows anna to another state after she goes to visit her mother it's christian he's here um in georgia while this kind of attention is presented as flattering in reality it's way over the line and potentially dangerous possessiveness the days of you controlling my life are over we'll see about that in the kissing booth too elle doesn't immediately reply to noah's texts so he phones her school pretending to be her dad christian constantly tells anna she belongs to him and gets jealous when she interacts with other guys he even tries to regulate whether or not she drinks you shouldn't get drunk like that i'm all for testing the limits but you put yourself at risk last night and in after harden gets so jealous after another guy tries to kiss tessa in a game that he starts a physical fight and drunkenly destroys his own house this kind of behavior reveals a lot of anger and a tendency to treat women like possessions but on screen it's often seen as aspirational because it's proof of how deeply the guy cares secrecy when a partner isn't disclosing their full self or is making you lie to your nearest and dearest this is a sign that something is off christian has anna sign a non-disclosure agreement preventing her from telling her friends or family about their relationship it's a non-disclosure agreement it means that you cannot discuss anything about us with anyone sierra burgess is a loser romanticizes catfishing through having jamie and sierra end up together which justifies this behavior because jaime may not have given sierra a chance without first believing she was someone more conventionally pretty i mean i get i get why you did it i do and honestly had we not met the way that we had maybe i wouldn't have noticed you even nick young from crazy rich asians who seems like a great guy in general totally hides his family's extraordinary wealth from his long-term girlfriend so your family is like rich we're comfortable which if you think about it is not very healthy and leaves her completely unprepared to meet them age differences while supernatural age differences are often explained away by the fact that everyone looks young how long you've been 17 a while romanticizing massive age gaps in romantic relationships especially when one participant is a teenager can make it feel like dating a much older partner is normal in particular student-teacher relationships are idealized from ezra and arya and pretty little liars to max and rafa on the new gossip girl to archie and miss grundy in riverdale do you need me to drive you home that's the last place i want to be hollywood focuses on the thrill and romance of this kind of forbidden love but the reason these relationships have to be kept secret is that they're inappropriate or even illegal codependency edward would rather not live at all than live without bella it's an extreme devotion that's framed as symbolizing the truest kind of love as if the pair's souls are intertwined but it's also used to justify toxic and self-destructive behavior we can't be apart you can't lead me tessa moves in with hardin after only dating him for a few weeks these kinds of relationships also often exist in a vacuum in both after and twilight the central couples spend so much time obsessed with each other that they don't have any time for platonic friendships i like my old friends well you never see him anymore but one of the most important parts of a healthy relationship is maintaining friendships outside of a romantic partner even relationships that are acknowledged to be messed up like maddie and nate or ruin jewels and euphoria still can come across as romantic in a twisted sense because they can't exist without each other drama while it's true that every relationship will have its ups and downs films and tv shows utilize constant relationship tumult to provide high-stakes entertainment edward and bella dramatically break up in new moon only for bella to save edward from suicide at the end of the film he's going to the voltori he wants to die too high octane drama makes for great entertainment but having so much emotional volatility in a romantic relationship is actually a huge red flag bridgerton's first and second seasons are all about the thrill of watching two couples who think they hate each other realize the intensity of their true feelings despite coming close to marrying others you're the [Music] so why have these dating red flags persisted in modern media despite societal progress toward gender equality mental health awareness and personal wellness when we watch films or tv we're searching above all else for entertainment look at us we're already fighting well that's what we do we fight relationships that include these dating red flags are much more dramatic than stable partnerships which may seem more boring precisely because they're healthy i don't want normal and easy and simple love is not supposed to be painful or devastating the lack of stability in these relationships is addictive for audiences because we're always waiting to see what will happen next but in real life couples who are always breaking up and making up usually have fundamental problems and that's not a good foundation to build a lasting relationship upon you're abusive psychopathic most of the time i really hate the way you make me feel the problem is that if we watch too many of these romantic narratives it might prime us to overlook or misinterpret red flags when we encounter them in real life as beck oaks points out for vogue we've become so used to seeing unhealthy relationships on screen that we consider them normal even aspirational you're mine you understand we also may be more willing to tolerate or overlook these red flags because films and tv tell us that there's always a happy ending despite the numerous red flags that big shows in the sex and the city series he and carrie still end up together by the show's finale and he eventually evolves into the ideal partner as therapist sally baker writes it gives this message of whatever you have to put up with and however many times you've been let down frustrated or heartbroken if you can keep the goal in sight you'll get your happy ending youth-oriented modern modern-day love stories from bella and edward to tessa and hardin to ellen noah also almost always end in happily ever after implying that red flags don't really matter in the pursuit of true love all of this happened just because of well you know there may be some couples that prove it is worth working through the drama i know i am imperfect but i will humble myself before you because i cannot imagine my life without you normal people's love story between marianne and connell feels like an especially convincing portrayal of how young people often make romantic mistakes and hurt each other despite truly loving and wanting to be together they weren't really replying to my texts at the time so i felt somewhat abandoned kang i felt a bit abandoned myself didn't i you disappeared but more often than not in real life a relationship that's full of red flags will lead to heartbreak not domestic bliss though we love the drama that dating red flags give our films and television shows is there anything we can do to keep from glamorizing and romanticizing ultimately toxic behavior in recent years there have been better examples of relationships that still experience conflict but resolve it in a healthy way and provide a model of how satisfying a romance based on trust and mutual respect can be randall and beth and this is us show us an example of a healthy marriage where communication is a priority though they don't always agree they're always honest with each other and willing to compromise bridgerton season 2 has the same emphasis while it takes kate and anthony a long time to admit their feelings especially to themselves the more emotionally wise people around them urge them repeatedly to be honest about what they really feel you must be honest with yourself because one way or another these kind of feelings always have a way of coming to the surface and it's only when they finally brave that vulnerability and communication that they're rescued from their self-imposed suffering normal people also follows how marianne and connell finally escape their destructive cycle as they learn to more honestly communicate and take better care of [Music] themselves i'll stay [Music] and we'll be okay jake peralta and amy santiago from brooklyn nine-nine start off as rivals but ultimately find their way into a supportive communicative relationship which makes both of them better people without pressuring each other to change their fundamental values and in the to all the boys i've loved before trilogy homebody lara jean is challenged by peter to move outside her comfort zone in positive ways like developing more of a social life and expressing her feelings to him if you want me to read that then you need to give that to me they face internal and external obstacles to drive the plot but none that send weird messages about the kind of appropriate expectations we should hold a potential partner to peter respects lara jean's boundaries around sex and make sure she knows there is zero pressure to take their relationship faster than she's ready to and in the final movie the couple even go to college on opposite coasts but their love remains strong because of the solid foundation they've built that's true romance i've wanted the kind of love you see in the movies but in real life that's not where the story ends the wild season 2 is here so in the latest episode of the takeaway on the prime video youtube channel we talk about the ending of season two of the wilds and we go into all of the answers we're given and also mysteries we're still left with there are some really interesting characters introduced this season what was really striking was that these characters were trying to come into their own i keep asking myself how would you act in a situation what choice would you make sometimes there's a big gap between the person you think you are or assume you are and the person you actually prove to be when you're facing these tough choices i was rooting for one character then all of a sudden i found myself kind of backing away from that you're a monster gretchen in particular what she's doing is so insidious she leans into her villainy she just accepts it she's like the show does go on god that feels good to say gretchen is trying to make these generalizations about men and women and inherent goodness or badness of the genders and it's an interesting question but it's maybe not what gretchen expects so watch the wild season 2 and then watch our episode of the takeaway on prime video youtube channel [Music] you

Channel: The Take

Views: 196,377

Keywords: dating red flags, the take, the takeaway, prime video, the wilds, season 2, cheating, fifty shades, christian grey, anastasia, edward cullen, bella, twilight, stalking, the kissing booth, elle, euphoria, rue, scandal, olivia pope, sex and the city, carrie, big, emily in paris, gabriel, camille, greys anatomy, derek shepherd, meredith, the notebook, noah, 50 first dates, how i met your mother, robin, ted, sierra burgess is a loser, pretty little liars, riverdale, tessa, hardin, after

Id: bzGmDQtdBWU

Length: 16min 33sec (993 seconds)

Published: Sat May 21 2022