The Power of Not Caring or Being Afraid Of A Narcissistic Injury. Observe Don't Absorb Explanations

welcome to my latest youtube video i'm ross rosenberg i'm the author of the human magnet syndrome and the creator of the code dependency cure many of you may already be familiar with my observe don't absorb technique i created it a long time ago in fact before i even knew what the name of it was i created it to survive a relationship with someone who had borderline personality disorder who was destructive punitive and incredibly aggressive she was able to gain control over me not just by her aggression but it was her ability to pull me into an argument to get me to try to defend myself in a way in which i would lose control of myself and it was that time 20 years ago wow 26 years ago i figured out if i can just disassociate from her if i can just temporarily remove myself emotionally and you know like you know like i had heard previously you know in these stories and these news articles about people who disassociate and they look at themselves from above and if i could just do that and look at myself and see a person interacting with a pathological narcissist understanding that the pathological narcissist gains all her or his power by inducing a person into a fight and argument and many of you have already seen my videos induced conversation and when the narcissist gets you to fight then you the sld the co-dependent the victim you fight out of anger and rage as i refer to you as false power syndrome this temporarily filled reactive almost not completely rational reaction that you want to not only stand your stand up for yourself but you want to hurt the person that's hurting you but as george bernard shaw said don't wrestle with pigs you'll both get dirty and besides the pig likes it so that saying really gelled with my whole observe don't absorb ideas which essentially are if you can observe the aggressor the instigator the pathological narcissist and watch them try to bring you into the wrestling ring with full knowledge that if you fight back if you try to defend yourself if you try to overcome the adversity or the punishment that keeps coming your way you will fight them in a place which is their wrestling ring so they get home field advantage where they are skilled beyond your abilities and where they know every trick every nasty manipulative trick in order to win so if someone said to you hey bob why don't you uh box with this guy you can win 15 and you ask okay well you know 15 bucks how about 50. man no make it a hundred so tell me about this guy well he's uh you know he's an amateur buck boxer was golden gloves and he's trying to make pro and then you think to yourself i'm going to get wallet i'm going to get the heck knocked out of me and then your friend goes and he thinks you're a stupid ugly dirty jew now i say that because i'm jewish so and then if i get mad i'll say well you know i'm gonna no one's gonna call me that you know my you know i'm tired of you know all this anti-semitism i'll take that son of a gun on and next thing you know i'm in the ring just because i'm angry and i'm gonna show him something and he knocks me out and well he beats me up really bad and knocks me out so you find out that the boxer never said anna any anti-semitic comments he was just looking for someone to spar with just to get ready for his next fight but the tricky pathologically narcissistic friend of yours wanted to make money or he wanted to hurt you so he instigated you he was able to trigger you or activate your your anger maybe perhaps your unresolved massive amounts of anger that you had for maybe other people that were mean horrible or prejudiced the point of that example is someone wants you to literally get into the in this case the boxing ring and they know that if they asked you to fight this guy and you're calm you would say no way why would i fight you know a soon-to-be professional boxer i'll get i'll get my butt kicked in but if they know that they can get you mad and angry and they can find that trigger point that one comment that one issue that will activate you and by the way the activation or the trigger point and i'm talking about in the case of self blood deficient people or codependents because you you all know by now that is my specialty it always goes back to your attachment trauma what happened to you in your childhood in your family and how you were either hurt rendered powerless manipulated and other related abuses trauma manipulations and that means there's anger and there's rage sometimes it's stuffed in because you couldn't ever master the pain or the harm that you endured in your childhood but as adult you have more power and say you grow into a tall big guy like me six four 235 pounds i lied to you i just lost five pounds in just one second but my point is narcissists know exactly how to get you into the wrestling room they know what button to push they know how to activate your false power syndrome and they know how to get you to fight a fight that if they win they will gain control over you or they will get something from you that they wouldn't have gotten if you didn't fight them and observe don't absorb which is not the focus of this video is simply to observe the person that you know is a pathological narcissist to know that their power manifests by their ability to get you to fight and the way they get you to fight is to find the button to push find a way to activate you so you go into this false power mode fight them get your butt kicked and now you are even further more deeply victimized than you have been before so when i talk to my clients i use this saying and this is the title of the video if your partner has a narcissistic injury and you're not around to hear it does it really matter this comes from the saying that i use if a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it does it make a sound so let's first think about the original saying if a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it does it make a sound now we all know that it does make a sound but the point of that saying is to demonstrate that if you don't really care about a tree falling and you're not there it doesn't impact your life and or affect you in any way let's transpose this to someone in my psychotherapy session who is with a pathological narcissist who is always thinking about persevering about what the narcissist is doing not doing how they are trying to hurt them neglect them abuse them abandon them or their kids or anyone for that matter these thoughts these worries they manifest so much space in their mind so that they are sometimes incapacitated to function and do what they normally should do whether it be working you know being a friend whether it has to do with being a parent or working a student or whatever their mind is filled with this idea that the narcissist is either out there doing something that is bad or they're going to find out a way to do something to prevent the narcissist from hurting them so the concept is if the tree falls in the force and no one's around the hair it does doesn't really matter well what about if your partner has a narcissistic injury and you're not around to hear it does it matter that is a true observe don't absorb opportunity because if you know that by thinking of your narcissistic partner wondering if they're going to hurt you knowing you can't control it but still letting it occupy your mind and get in the way with things that you need to do even if it's just relaxing they are impacting you and they're not there as i've explained in my other videos and i talked about my observer absorb technique i talked about the physical wrestling ring so when i talk about the physical wrestling ring as well as the emotional wrestling right this was a big discovery for me because all of my previous focus was on how the narcissist could press those buttons and trigger you in order to fight them and if you fought them you were then in the wrestling ring in which you would lose and then i started to think what about all the times you are thinking perseverating anxious worried sad depressed about the narcissist yourself and the relationship worrying about what they're going to do how they're going to do it how many of you know someone or yourself that can spend days and days occupied with these thoughts and these emotions and then sometimes do nothing just be you know completely unavailable to your friends your family and and yourself that is a definite example of being in the wrestling ring because a narcissist is hurting you punishing you torturing you because he or she actually knows that once they get into your head they got you so whether it's the physical wrestling ring or the emotional wrestling ring the observed on absorb technique teaches a person to understand their adversary and as i talk about in my other full-length videos whether it's the observe don't absorb technique video or the escaping narcissistic abuse video or my latest video series on the 50 shades of pathological narcissism i explained that the only way that you're going to escape the narcissistic abuse and overcome self-love deficit disorder or codependency is to understand the narcissist as deeply and profoundly as possible and why and how they are able to trigger antagonize or hook you and understand what it is about you that keeps getting into the wrestling ring and of course perpetually losing so i want to tell you all i want to say this and i want you to remember it and of course i'm going to read this from my screen if your partner has a narcissistic injury and you are not around to hear it does it matter let me reframe that according to my observed don't absorb methods if your narcissist is angry or trying to hurt you or him or herself activated has a narcissistic injury and you don't care you actually know that that's what happens it always happens especially if you stand up to him or her set a boundary or you don't respond to them or you apply my induced conversation methods the narcissist has no power in the emotional wrestling ring if your partner has a narcissistic injury and you don't want to know about it hear about it or see it like it never happened like a tree that falls down in a forest 700 miles from you you don't hear it because you don't give a darn about it you don't care it's some tree trees fall down that's life hopefully new trees will grow up to replace it so if you're in therapy you're in you're working with a qualified coach where you are working so hard to overcome your self-love deficit disorder your narcissistically abusive relationship your predilection to be involved in these relationships your self-love deficit disorder your codependency that keeps you via the human magnet syndrome compelled relationship dynamics to stay fighting perpetually losing in these wrestling rings then you have to break free use my observe not absorb technique learn it master it because it's one of those techniques that keeps getting better and better as time goes on and then understand the concept of the emotional and and the physical wrestling ring and know that the emotional wrestling ring has perhaps has hurt you worse and you realize you have spent hours and hours days months having them in your mind letting them get to you see this gets me emotional because i have experienced it and i have had so many clients almost destroyed by it letting them get in your mind and having them destroy your opportunity for happiness destroy your opportunity for self-love self-caring self-respect so i tell you once again if a narcissist has a narcissistic injury and you're not around to hear it does it really matter no that's what you have to do get there and it won't be easy i have so many resources at my self-love recovery institute that will help you understand the problem and will help you start what i call my co-dependency cure or self-love recovery treatment program please don't stop believing in my favorite quote by another by another george this is george eliot it's never too late to be the person you should have been so with that i say don't stop believing in the possibility of self-love because if you've been following me you know and i know i'm different from 90 percent of the other videos on codependency and narcissism i of course validate the horrendous impact of narcissistic abuse i validate how mean and nasty these pathological narcissists are but what i say over and over again you can get you can jump on that bandwagon and say these guys are terrible and they're horrible and learn as much as you can read books and books my book even it will not stop the human magnet syndrome driven compulsion or attraction pattern that brings you to a narcissist bonds you to a narcissist and then entraps you with the narcissist and my friend and i say this with compassion and empathy we only can get better when we take responsibility for our part of the dysfunctional dance this does not mean it's your fault but you carry responsibility and if you can accept that simple concept then you can solve the problem because anger resentment fighting back it doesn't work if you're an sld what works is knowing that there is a tree out there that you are far far away from and when it falls you just don't give a darn so with that i wish you all the very best i hope that you consider the material in this video because i really believe it can help you and if you're interested in more of my material especially my three-day series on the 50 shades of narcissism it's a three series seminar that eventually will be on video and each series is six hours the first one breaks down in exquisite detail that has never been offered about what is a narcissist what is a narcissistic abuse and what makes them as pathological and harmful and sometimes exquisitely beautiful and desirable the next one is what is narcissistic abuse why do slds or codependents always fall victim to narcissistic abuse what do the narcissists do and how do they do it to pull in the sld the codependent and trap them gaslighting manipulation all the stuff they talk about and the third one is the material that people have been waiting for it is my co-dependent secure material what to do how to do it and a collection of all the techniques and strategies i've created over the years so be well take care and don't forget it's never too late [Music] bye-bye do [Applause] [Music] do you

Channel: Ross Rosenberg

Views: 26,017

Keywords: ross rosenberg, narcissistic injury, narcissistic rage, narcissistic abuse, emotional abuse, narcissistic personality disorder, npd, narcissism, personality disorder, how to deal with a narcissist, ODA, observe don't absorb, psychological abuse, surviving narcissism, narcissist relationship, emotional manipulation, narcissistic abuse syndrome, setting boundaries, narcissist manipulation, induced conversation, relationship advice, narcissism expert, toxic people

Id: vrfA5jJdTRI

Length: 18min 5sec (1085 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 06 2021