How to Accurately Diagnose the Codependent and Narcissist In Any Relationship. Expert Instruction.

[Music] welcome to my latest YouTube video my name is Ross Rosenberg I'm the author of the human magnet syndrome and the creator of the codependency cure today I'm going to talk about my reverse diagnosis process I use this to diagnose SL D's or codependence and by the way I change the name from codependency and self-love deficit disorder SL DD and codependent as self-love deficient or SLD so today I'm going to talk about how do you diagnose a person with either SL DD or pathological narcissism you should already know if you follow my videos or read my human magnets in her book that relationships come together reflexively automatically and predictably with opposite matched personalities and I'll only touch on this briefly because it is exquisitely detailed in my book the human magnet syndrome which uses the metaphor of magnets opposite polarities attract each other the narcissist self-centered needing taking person can only be in a relationship with someone who's opposite who's giving and forgiving and invisible when they meet there is an attraction because like two puzzle pieces they fit together like a dance couple the dance leader can only have fun on the dance floor if he finds someone who's a dance follower and the same goes for the dance follower so this is this energy that we know as a human magnet syndrome predictably brings together oppositely matched partners and I explained by virtue of my relationship compatibility theory again in my book how this represents dysfunctional opposites and healthy opposites and explains what chemistry is I mean chemistry merely is the interaction of a person's unconscious attachment process well this is way beyond the scope of this video but what I mean by the forces that created codependency and the forces that created pathological narcissism created someone's comfort level with themselves in a relationship and that plays out when we meet a potential romantic partner do we find them attractive and comfortable do we have chemistry so if we accept the premise that the human magnet syndrome driven relationships results from chemistry which results from two relationship templates again described in my book matching up which comes from an unconscious source then that and a nutshell is a human magnet syndrome what I did in my book the human magnet syndrome is I finally deconstructed what people know as codependency I explained that the definitions that were already in books and out there did not make any sense they focus mostly on personality traits people who control too much people who didn't control enough people who are too passive and the more that I looked into it I realized that there are so many variations of codependency as there are pathological narcissism and that's when I created the four categories actually five and if you followed my videos or read my book you know it's active passive oblivious cerebral and anorexic and I've created and/or borrowed the categories for pathological narcissism we have the borderline person is ordered that our cystic persona disorder the antisocial personality disorder this fairly dicted person and then the subcategories of NPD narcissistic personalities order covert narcissist malignant narcissists so what we have are so many variations of the pathological narcissists on one end of the continuum and the codependent or the SLD on the other if you understand the mechanics of the human magnet syndrome you understand why people come to other in these seemingly bonded stuck persistent and sometimes permanently broken relationships but this video is not about the human magnet Center its dairy its explanation it's about how do you diagnose someone who is either a codependent or narcissist and especially how do you diagnose someone who you can't tell and for that I created this idea this this method called the reverse diagnosis method so let me first explain how you diagnose someone who's codependent or narcissistic the assumption and the forward or what I would call just the regular human magnet syndrome relationship orientation diagnosis is by observation but you have to understand the mechanics of the human magnet syndrome theory and my redefinition reconceptualization of codependency or SL DD and so let me simply explain how I took this long bulky definition of personality types and simplified it the definition of codependency or self-love deficit disorder it's a definition of the distribution of love respect and caring in a relationship the distribution of lrc love respect and caring and relationship if a person gets all of the lrc away expect it to be mutual or reciprocated it's not mutual reciprocated because let's say they're an SLD and they fell in love with the narcissist they try to make it mutual reciprocated they cannot and they stay in a relationship the definition of codependency or SL DD is is a problem with the distribution of love respect and caring in a relationship the SLV gives all of the love respect and caring to other people they wanted to be reciprocated it's not they tried to make it reciprocal or mutual they can't and they stay in a relationship that's it seriously that's a what that allows you to do it allows you to objectively look at a person who is potentially an SL d or codependent and break free from these made-up personality traits that correlate with codependency like for example people correlate dishonesty with narcissism that's not true there are a lot of manipulative and dishonest codependence people correlate anger with borderline personality disorder I know plenty of SL D's that are angry you can have an addiction and be selfish and be an SL d you can be depressed and be an SL D you can have a myriad of personality traits and therefore you can get lost in the diagnosis keep it simple SL DS give all the lrc want it to be equal it's not try to control the person they can't I say in it and that represents all of the SLD types the active SL d who's trying to control and change the passive SL d who has given up and just kind of historically frozen in their life the oblivious SL d where they just have no idea what's going on and just kind of obliviously just go through the motions they're not hiding they're not numb down it's a cerebral as healthy or codependent it's trying to solve it through intellect and the anorexic that's how the is controlling it just by cutting off their romantic urges all this is covered in my book but all of them operate by the same diagnostic principle so that's how you diagnose an SL B and it's also how you can diagnose a narcissist because it's the same question just an inverse assumption someone is taking it all and not reciprocating and it is always tricky when the narcissist is a covert narcissist or sociopath because they project a loving all true the sympathetic empathetic persona while covering up their more true genuine narcissistic background personality traits it also gets complicated when the SLD or the codependent is gasolin a codependent who has been told that they are selfish self-centered needy they identified with the narcissist projections we call that projective identification we're gas lighting and they actually believe there are a narcissist and not only do they move in that direction in behave as a pseudo narcissist when they're really not but they're just being controlled like a puppet and then there are the the sociopaths who just lie and manipulate and tell stories and poison people's minds and triangulate and make everyone believe something that's not true so then you come down to these these moments where you have to whether it's a psychotherapy or it's just you trying to figure things out who is whom and how I diagnose that is I stay connected to the presumption that healthy individuals have a fair and reasonable distribution of lrc it's not always exactly equal but it is close so in a diagnostic moment in psychotherapy when I'm trying to find out to what degree my client is an SLD because I assume most of my clients are SL D's and to what degree is their partner friend or significant other a narcissist I asked a social history and within that social history I start to listen to examples of the distribution of love respect and caring I do not listen to what people say they are what they do what people professionals friends colleagues lovers have diagnosed them with I just merely stay connected to the distribution of love respect and caring and it is almost always accurate there are cases where the person relationship is not an easily diagnosed where they are misrepresenting themselves they are hiding they are pretending they are meticulously systematically organizing their environment so that people perceive them and their partner in a certain way so that they can be undetected and I'm specifically talking about covert narcissists or individuals who have antisocial personality disorder or sociopaths these are the individuals that are aware that they have some form of mental disorder or something wrong with their thinking they know they're not right they don't necessarily care but they know that they're liars and cheaters and manipulators whereas the standard garden-variety narcissist is in denial of what's broken about them but the covert narcissism of sociopaths realize that in order to stay undetected either within their relationship or within their family or in any important social group they realize that when they are undetected and they can pretend and be the nice giving loving or even the codependent one they are seen sympathetically and if they can get other people to believe that the partner who made gas-lit manipulated ignored marginalize is the narcissist then they create perceptions that allow them to live in the shadows manipulate others and to be free of judgment and ultimately consequence so when I come across a client who is trying to figure out who they are are they in our society codependent and I get plenty referrals or people want to know but more than that is when we're talking about their parents their siblings perhaps their their spouse and their previous marriages and they believe that this person is a narcissist or this person is a codependent and their beliefs don't seem to be connected to the distribution of love respect and care diagnostic principles and they either are mistaken and believe that someone who is a narcissist is a codependent or for that matter they are narcissistic then I bring out my reverse diagnosis process which simply is to present the lrc questions the questions that help me determine the distribution in a way that ferrets out the truth for example let's say they believe that they are a narcissist and it seems to me they are not and they've been guests look first of all narcissist don't see me they don't really want to get help and so just the idea that someone is upset that they're a narcissist and want to see me usually is enough evidence to prove that they're not narcissistic I even have a video on that so I'll leave that as it is I will explain the idea of the human magnet syndrome and then we will go over the distribution of love respect and caring and I well one incident at a time one person at a time child at a time relationship at a time phase of their life at a time well tried to prove to them that the amount of love respecting and caring was always one way than giving and not receiving and that takes a lot of work and sometimes because of the gaslighting process it requires what many of us call deprogramming so if someone is a covert narcissist who a person believes a sweet kind giving and they just don't understand how the relationship could be human magnet center imbalance and so we go over how often and they fulfill the role as the primary giver of love respect and caring relationship and then I suggest to my client that if the wife is getting all the lrc what is the husband doing behind the scenes and that's when it becomes really clear that the person's persona their projected image is not what people think so if you are trying to find out if a person is a codependent or narcissus and SLV or narcissus and they might be a covert narcissist or a sociopath or they might be a gas lit SLB and there just doesn't make a lot of sense stop trying to determine the person's relationship orientation that's a term I use from my book and move to questions about their partners ask about other people that are in connection with that person and then use the distribution of love respect and care thought process to make your determination it becomes failsafe when you use the lrc distribution diagnostic method and the reverse approach to it you can almost always find out where the person fits are they more on the giving side which by itself is neither healthier dysfunctional or an extreme as SLD - you're codependent or are they more on the taking side which again by itself doesn't necessarily mean dysfunction but an extreme is pathologically narcissistic and then once you know who they are then you can see more clearly how these two magnets opposite magnets fit together and normal no accept a codependent and narcissist many of whom don't even know who they are or why they are so I hope this helped if interested more in the codependency narcissism redefinition please read my book the human magnet syndrome I have full-length seminar videos at self-love recovery calm self love recovery Institute that explore in detail summoner videos that run between three and six hours are educational and made for both professionals and non-professionals or consider coming to some of my live events whether their presentations talks or my quarterly weekend intensive retreats and lastly in a few months I will have my self-love recovery online program in other words for people who are seeking psychotherapy for me or who are in therapy not getting what they need and ascribe to my codependency cure methods will get a great amount of psychological mental health and personal benefit from this program take care thank you and be well [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] you [Music]

Channel: Ross Rosenberg

Views: 80,167

Keywords: ross rosenberg, codependency, covert narcissist, human magnet syndrome, codependent no more, codependency and narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder, narcissist, diagnosing codependency, diagnosing narcissim, how to spot a narcissist, dating a narcissist, narcissism expert, narcissist test, diagnose narcissism, covert narcissism, signs of narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder traits, narcissists in relationships, mental health, codependent or narcissist, npd

Id: hUK2tafy7OE

Length: 19min 32sec (1172 seconds)

Published: Thu May 14 2020