The Oprah Winfrey Show (January 15, 1991)

[Music] [Applause] his stepmother mommy what if that happened what if your child started calling his stepmother mommy my two children call their stepmother mommy and when I call their to talk to them they she says to them Mary Pat's on the phone calling me by my first name rather than saying your mother's on the phone they called her mommy they called me by my first name it hurts me and how long have you been divorced from your husband almost eight years yeah the children live with him now yes I do in Seattle mm-hmm yes 13 and 9 and they call you Mary Pat and they call her mom yeah they call me mommy sometimes but in it I'm glad that they feel very close to her and I'm glad that they love her as as they do but it hurts me it doesn't it it would I'm glad that they do love her though I am but it hurts you yes it does okay that's what we're talking about today how would you deal with the other woman in your child's life my first guess patty calls her kids stepmom the she's here with her daughter Tina who's stuck smack dab in the middle of this mother mask Tina claims that she loves both of them Tina's stepmother Sharon Saylor says patty is jealous because of the close relationship that she has with Tina it's parents versus step parents today on The Oprah Winfrey Show patty what is your biggest gripe just that this woman's come to Illinois and took over try to take over my kids he just more or less Tina my other three don't really have a lot to do it and how has she tried to take over well it just seems like Tina and I aren't close anymore at all and I I mean I've raised Tina and he's been with me really since she's been a baby she's been I mean for years her dad's never had time for the kids never buy out of it this you know they had a stepmother before this stepmother and we got along fine mm-hmm we never had any my children were little then it just seems like to me Sharon tries to nip enough like my daughter to hurt me and I mean Tina's grown she has three children I have I have six grandchildren now it Tina has the like it just hurts me I mean there's things that happen that just hurt me yeah like well okay different things like we plan to do something and I like we plan to go to a wedding her girlfriends wedding Tina Kazi ma'am make sure you save this day to go with me to the wedding fine I call up and she was at her dad's house and I called my so tell Tina I'll be there by about time to pick her up Sharon don't bother I'm taking her to the wedding well that you know I'm like you know okay fine so I didn't go to the wedding I went to the reception Hauser's been going on well when they first came was she spent up here I think what a little over two two years maybe or something like then when they first came up everything was pretty decent we had a little conflict over something that happened to my grandson which Sharon spanked my grandson and I didn't like it I don't spank my grandkids and I didn't feel like she had any right coming up here and starting on my kids on your grandma's my grandchild uh-huh and I was very upset because nobody hits my kids I mean I'm sorry I worked hard for my children I worked two jobs for many years and I don't even spank my own grandchildren especially put a bruise on him mhm she-she's I was me I've been upset with my daughter ever since then that my daughter did not say something about this you're gonna upset with Tina whether your kids that she spanked is my son and we had talked about it already and when she spanked him Michael was two to two and a half he was maybe almost three he was in the bathtub wouldn't stay in the bathtub to take a bath when she had she had called me and told me what happened she said that it did put a couple bruises on his butt but he she didn't do it like - I am in the beginning I was you know upset with her and whatever which she knows then we talked I was upset at the beginning but he's my son and I think that if I didn't want him to go back over there for that reason then that would be my decision not your mother right uh-huh you feel like you're caught in the middle you're the one that called us you're caught in the middle because I love them both and my mom thinks that I love my stepmother more which is not true my mom is my mom and I love her Sharon is my stepmother and my friend and I love her awesome but you say you say Patti you're hurt most by Tina because you feel that she's betrayed you betrayed me I think this was my opinon I think Tina thinks she has to do what she wants or she can't see her father Tina and her father was always even though they haven't been together have not they were like my ex would say that's my little girl and the other my sons they're your sons do you take care of your boys I got my little girl she's always been daddy's little girl he's always worshipped her and he always will say that's not true no I I if Sharon and I weren't talking today I'd still be welcome to come in and see my dad mm-hmm I love my dad I love my mom and I love Sharon I I want my mom to know that I don't take Sharon over her I spend a lot of time at Sharon's house Sharon's got four three adopted children and my niece all under the age of eight I've got three who are seven four and six months when I go to Sharon's house the kids have someplace to play I have a friend to talk to but Patti you say you're sick or tired of hearing how wonderful Sharon is oh yeah I no way I mean in a way I am mm-hm and as far as the children I mean there's nothing my grandchildren can't touch in my house I have six of them I mean I have when I go out I buy for him every one of micro things they can't touch it Sharon's house oh I don't know no I'm sure that they can touch that I don't know I don't have any little kids Tracey's my baby she'll be 20 you know that's my daughter that's my daughter mom you know okay and what do you say though you say what is she just Patti just jealous I'm sure she is and I can understand a lot of the jealousy Tina and I really don't have a stepmother daughter stepdaughter relationship basically Oprah we are like best friends we're on the phone continuously we both have young children one of my grandchildren lives in my home and I have custody of her that presents another problem but Tina and I are really like very very good friends and you resent that no I don't really resent her being friends no I mean if she sir I don't believe they're friends you don't believe they're friends no what do you think I believe that there's ways that Sharon is trying to more or less take Tina away from me but I mean you know and and I don't blame Tina for it you don't blame Tina no but Tina you just said Tina was an adult you said that a little while ago she's 26 years old right okay you don't blame Jeana no just doing what she thinks she has to do uh-huh what are you doing Sharon are you trying to take Tina away from her mother no Tina and I are good friends and I have always told Patti didn't believe that well I'm sorry you know I have really tried to work so that I could be a friend to my stepchildren I told them when their father and I were married that I was not their mother I was not going to try to attempt to be their mother they have a mother do you feel a closer friendship to sharon than you do to your mother Tina's I do um I can talk to Sharon about a lot of things that growing up with my mom I'm afraid to talk to my mom cuz I don't want the fear of my mom being mad at me for something I do mm-hmm any decision I make my mom will just you know let's tell me well you shouldn't do that or well that was dumb or whatever if I talked to Sharon she'll say that not in that kind of a way they will think about it think a while is this really what you want to do you know she doesn't try and stop me from doing it so you feel closer to that you can talk to Sharon more yes we'll be back in a moment [Applause] [Music] my producer just told me Patti that you've called Sharon the of Round Lake what's that mean I probably called her a it might not have been around like okay and why do you say she is why do you say she is because she acts like one she acts like a you act like a to you I try not to mm-hmm I try to be a good friend a good grandmother mm-hmm and I did spank Michael everybody went rude Michael was in a bath with warm water and I was giving him a bath and he repeatedly kept getting out of the bathtub and I spanked him I spanked my own I love my grandchildren and I spanked Michael no one had any deeper regret that Michael got a bruise on his bottom than I did I smacked him on his bottom three times I didn't throw him against the walls I didn't kick him or any of those things it was nothing horrible it wasn't a child abuse situation I wasn't I spank children I spank the children baby when they're wet perfect for one thing Michael was three pounds when he was born he wasn't 3 pounds when I spanked him no but he was two years old Michael has went through surgeries he's been a sick baby all you had to do is I wish might be tomorrow he's gorgeous he's a happy little boy very orange and you make him sound like he's still in the incubator that's not the case there's a bright shining boy you know I smile I speak times I mean once sure it would have been enough yeah hub after that Sharon we couldn't even get Michael and you can ask me don't Michael maybe stay in the bathroom when I have I don't watch Michael Matina three times you smack him three times a two-and-a-half-year-old say once for a bit enough no no my name is Christine from Woodstock and I just want to say that I'm not against spanking right but bruising I'm totally against right now I don't care I don't care man like you thank you one string from ten times you bruise them and that's me as abuse [Applause] it's the mother of the child's business that's just gonna add to the complication between you know the mother and the stepmother that's not that's not your business that's her business it's her kid I understand what you mean that's not my business is that what you're saying you saying it's Tina's business that's whose business it is there's no what you're saying it's the right bank Michael or not is that what you meant yeah I guess my question did the stepmother is did you discipline the child and ask him why he wouldn't stay in the top or did you just spank him Michael was having trouble staying in the bathtub long before this happened he fights with his mother about it all the time and had for months and months and months I was keeping Michael overnight my grandchildren spent a great deal of time with me mm-hmm Michael got out of the tub my spanked his but I put him back in the tub he got out of the tub again I spanked his butt I put him back in the tub he got out again I spanked his butt I finally just took him out of the tub dried him off dressed him for the night you know put his pajamas on pardon me stepmother comes into a family and thinks they can start disciplining the children and they're not even part of the family I mean what I mean they're not part of the family hamaji children spend more time with me than they ever spend with Nana because Nana has to work and my dad's you have night work Saturday I'm off Sonny my dad always watch children I raised my children they didn't I raised mine I have my grandchildren to have no children with me to have your children spent years with their father you stated a father went off well you make it sound like he deserted and never saw them Donald went to court and got custody of two of these children I don't did not go to court and get custody I'm sorry don't we go practice with a little stamp I'm good I guess about legal papers they're legal papers I mean there's a cavity order Pat's there is a custody order for two of the child daughter Tina and my son Johnny decided because I was going to take dad to court for support and dad promised Johnny he could have a motorcycle and Tina can and left them asked how she was let her finish let her finish they wanted to go live with daddy who at that time lived in the next little town it broke my heart I cried for a long time over this I said okay you go live with your dad you asked my daughter who bought their beds for them to sleep and who bought their dressers who'll want to get them from school who paid for their medicine I still supported my children when they lumière to have no forwarding address who you did where what did I leave one just one time went in just one time when waiting I have lived in the state of Illinois my whole life that didn't come out right she I tried to get in ghent I tried to find you one time when I lived with dad you had moved I called Tracy school they said they wouldn't give me any information you did call me in a couple days you don't work I don't know I lived it well it didn't crystal lake with dad yeah I won't for it was from I don't like the McHenry and I seen you every week every weekend I would take them and I'd have to give them baths because there are so many dogs and cats in the house they stunk so bad now is that a lie or that you might have to change on Friday wash and scrub him to scrub their clothes and then when I take them back they had like 17 cats and I don't know many Doberman wonderful dog that tried to chew their faces up if you go up to the thing but you ought to like cats around Arizona girl be right back it is truth and possible between Patti and Cher and we'll discuss that love your child stepparent or real parents my next guest says you better get over it for your child's sake meet mala Bert who is the executive director of the step-by-step Counseling Center and past president of the step family association we're glad to have you join us is somebody you've made this point you wanted I want to know what Tina feels about all this you haven't said anything which are good well I feel that um I'm afraid to talk to my mom because I don't like it when she gets mad at me I know that sounds inmature but I cannot handle my mom being upset with me I think this is such a good example of the fact that we don't have any models for how to do this how to do this new family form and it was easier for the audience and for the people up here to talk about child abuse than it was for them to talk about the roles and how difficult it is for people who were in this newly constituted family what does what is the stepmothers role what is the biological mother's role and what is the child's role there's lots of pain here but people need to let go of the past to be able to get on with the future and there are so many more of us who are in this new kind of family we better figure out how to do this better because we're not doing it very well well I think that most people who are in step families try very hard make a concerted effort and in fact what Sharon has accomplished in terms of her relationship with Tina that of being a friend is admirable but there's so much anger and I suppose from the biological mother's point of view your fear that somehow your daughter is going to be taken away from you what I need to share with you with all the children that I work with as kids are very clear about who their biological parents are stepparents are additional parenting figures they're not replacement parents kids know that what is though in the case of this woman who stood up in the beginning of the show how they're not replaced if if if your kids are calling her mom and calling you by your first name well the name isn't the relationship yeah it's an and in fact I think that it's the step parent's responsibility if they have the children most of the time to create a good situation for the children tell them that the parent the biological parent loves them remind them frequently what is matéo providing a toteal step parent you need to assist the stepchildren in keeping contact with the biological parent you need to you need to help the children maintain contact with the biological pair what should happen here in this situation you've been watching the situation with the Tina and Sharon and Patti excuse me Oprah I'd like to say one thing Tina will tell you from her own mouth I always encourage her to have a relationship with her mother does she why is it having a difficulty in their mother-daughter relationship and there have been many I tell Tina the bottom line is this is your mother you only get one mother and it is very it is very very important for a child to maintain a relationship with their natural parents whenever they can I know this I have three children in my home two of whom came to me from their natural parents and they have left and we do never ever see them they don't call they don't care I have one child whose mother gave her to social service that we adopted through the state of Virginia who was five years old when her mother gave her away who grieves night and day for her mother and she cannot understand why her mother would do such a thing and we work very hard with my grace to let her know that the problem was her mother's and that her mother loved her so what's the problem with Tina what's the problem with Tina if she tells you that encourages you that you don't feel comfortable enough to share things with your mom is that it Tina well I'm just afraid that her the decision she decides about what I want to do and my decision isn't gonna be satisfactory if I tell her I want to go to school she tells me I should stay home with the kids if she had a chance when she was younger and or when she had her children she would have done it but I'm not my mom I have my own children I want to go to school my stepdaughter calls me Mommy and her natural mother calls me mother as well even when I call her she's in London no but it was my husband who kept us apart but we were separated by three years and my stepdaughter talks to me on the phone she makes sure that I see her when I go back to London so she's the greatest growing up your never talk you have to protect yourself from a parent and I had that from on the end of my father and now I have a stepson living with me and I can't tell him to go do things and in condemn her behavior when he's really emotionally abused by her and it makes me feel very angry that I should go tell him you know she doesn't pick you up for a month but you should still love her because she's your mother mmm I want to speak to that I want to speak to that mom not have any trouble telling Gina to love her mother regardless of what the problem may have been that she called me upset about and it doesn't make any difference what the problem is the bottom line here is that all of us need to accept one another with our goods and our beds none of us are good all the time and Tina's mother is her mother all the time good or bad I am her stepmother and friend all the time good or bad I try to encourage her to do anything that will lift her up and better her since this encouraging and everything is so wonderful then how come you all are sitting here [Applause] [Music] so you were saying yeah my name is Lisa and I'm living in Downers Grove I'm originally from Philadelphia my son is back in Philadelphia with his father and his stepmother and I have never experienced a pain like this in my life you know I know with his stepmother I I don't know her you know and I my husband tells me my ex-husband tells me that you know she's the one that does the encouraging you know but she doesn't talk to me I wanted a picture of my son I haven't seen him you know I've seen him but I mean I've been separated from him for 22 months almost and all I want is a picture you know send me something from school I called the school he's three years old you know and I talked to them and I think what's happening is I don't know if she's feeling threatened by me sometimes I feel threatened by her I'm not involved in his daily life you know you were feeling threatened by her I'm not feeling threatened by her but you know I I really left out of your boy's life very left out Molly go ahead there are ways for you to be involved in your child's life and you need to be talking with your former husband the child's father okay but then you need to see if there's some other avenues that you can take you can write letters you can send registered letters that have to get picked up at the post office and you can offer you can extend yourself not as somebody who's gonna try to tear into that new family because that may be what they're feeling I don't know somewhere in your family I don't want to tear into that new family because I know that if I do that the one that's gonna suffer is tina's that's my sentence right it's going to sell right I don't want to create any more conflicts for him than he's already going to be faced with what we need to move towards this more towards parenting coalition's rather than this kind of competitive thing isn't the problem here though that patty really is threatened by this relationship maybe rightfully so [Applause] Tina has stated she's difficulty talking to her mother but lots of daughters have difficulty talking to them others allow we allow our children to have friends with other people where it gets messy is when our children are friends with their step parents I say I think something has gone on a long time ago between Tina and her father relationship between her mother and her and it's nice that her stepmother and her are such great friends but I think basically it's kind of easy for you to be a real good friend to Tina it's harder when there has been a breakup in the family and I think there's a problem between Tina and her mother due to the father being my husband and I can get along better than Sharon and I can Isis this is they won't even talk to her on the phone anymore okay can I stop right here see you both see what's happening to Tina because of this right you see right and isn't the whole idea to protect Tina to do what's best for Tina we do I'm always saying we don't stop we do Tina and I do not make an open public statement about a lot of the things that we do because it causes so much animosity there are a lot of times when we're together that Oprah we don't tell anybody because it causes so much grief for Tina we don't tell anybody it isn't that we want to hide it but that it causes such a problem that she cries and gets upset and I can't be here now okay so then you all start living this little lie pretending that you're not so it's not like we lie we just don't bother to let everybody mala speak says there's a difficulty here because this child who's sitting in the middle is an adult and she has the right to live her own life and she has a right to lie right to live her own relationships when I do something with Sharon it isn't that anybody we can't tell you but it isn't like everybody knows I mean it isn't like we're hiding running to the store whatever I don't want to hurt my mom's feelings I don't want my mom to think that I'm paying more attention to Sharon that I'm paying to her well I have to work I know I want to know what kind of responsibilities you you feel in all of this what I make yourself happy you shouldn't I worry about making me happy making her happy you're worried about Jim's like you guys don't everybody to answer that question answer her question if everybody else is happy I'm happy even if I'm really suffering Tina isn't very much in the middle as younger children often are in that loyalty bind now can I please both but what you just said is not true if everybody else is happy I'm happy even if I'm suffering isn't because she suffers terribly Jim what do you want to say come down what should happen here mala well I would like for Tina and her mom to do some talking with an outside person who maybe could help them resolve some of these issues as you see it just based on this brief conversation we've had is a problem with Tina and her mom I think that a lot of the problem is with Tina and her mom and so Tina and her what do you say Patti what do you say I I love my daughter I love her vision about love is about being able to talk to each other okay before Sharon ever come up here I sent pictures of my kids she tore the pictures up and sent them back now she's still putting her in the middle she sits here paralyzed like she's ten years old she shouldn't have this machine she has a right to do it okay Patti your mom says you shouldn't have to do anything as you don't want to do but you feel that tell her what to do but she feels like she has to Patti do you understand what she's saying she feels like she has to please you she feels like she can't come to you and be totally like my mom a lot and I love my mom and I would do anything for my mom or whatever I don't want my mom to disapprove of anything I do minute are you living your life for yourself or your mind my brother Jimmy and and her have a relationship I wish I had my mom can walk upstairs walk in and my brother could tell her to get bent and should go downstairs and that be the end of it I ever said that to my mom oh yes this is so complicated and I and I don't want us to miss the opportunity to help the people who are watching the program and the people in the audience so I'd like us to be able to generalize that if we can a little bit there are children who get stuck in the middle because they feel like they have to please their biological parents they maybe would like to have a relationship with a stepparent but they're afraid that their biological parents is going to disapprove of them we need to move beyond that because so many people in this country are in this situation and we must learn how to do this what you're saying I think the blood of the problem is is the stepmother acts like she has all the power she's like on a power trip [Applause] she's a we'll be right back we'll be back we'll be back [Applause] [Music] you say you've been through four stepmothers yes that's been married five times yes I was the first how many children do you all have we had one together and I have one for my second marriage but I have some advice for the mother when we got divorced the first thing I thought was of my child first of all always my child and the second thing what going through for stepmothers I there was a problem I would go to my ex-husband and let him also deal with it the father needs to play a role in this and I want to tell you this can be this can be a beautiful thing because my daughter just got married in June and both her stepfather which is my husband and her husband walked her down the aisle and there were a lot of tears shed over that beautiful moment I cannot talk to my ex-husband because when you call there this is when you call there what happens my ex-husband will say well you have to I'll call to talk get my granddaughter visitation rights well you have to talk to Sharon and see if you can visit your granddaughter this weekend you can ask my daughter-in-law she run my daughter-in-laws wedding Sharon did right I made the flowers for Sandra's wedding I did not run my the wedding so wait a minute this seems to be a thing about control between the two of you is it not for this to be resolved in order for this to be resolved somebody has to give up some control right honey's gonna have to give up some control and people are going to have to recognize as recognize the places where they have some power and some control and the places where they don't have any power in control I don't think my children need to be controlled they're grown they don't need someone needs to take control of her life she is just sitting there like this marshmallow and letting these two people argue back and forth between teams the way we are the dollars Tina is the power Tina has the power Tina doesn't think she has any power Tina needs some assistance perhaps to learn that she does have power over her own life in her own relationship okay I'm a stepmother and I'm looking at this I was in a 12-step program and we did counseling on our family to help us and I look you're right Oprah the power is in the hands of Tina but she has to take that on herself to realize that she's a grown mature woman and for both her mother and her stepmother to acknowledge that she's not a child she could make her decisions herself and what they're both doing is they're making such a difficult time 14 if they really loved her they'd say look I've got a butt out I've got a drawback hold back a little bit do you know you look like you're about to cry are you about to cry me no I'm asking that why because I have stepchildren two stepchildren and they're always told many things from their mom and they don't have self-confidence okay and they can't build a relationship with their mother without you know with this self confidence in yourself - in order to say well mom this bothers me mom this bothers me or or with your stepmother it's very hard for you to let your mother know what's wrong or how you right she doesn't you are not gonna make it through life going through life not wanting your mother to ever disapprove of anything you can't make it that way [Applause] everybody keeps saying you need to take control of your life do you understand what everybody is saying I do understand I I asked for advice on both parts when I asked usually tell my mom I want to start doing something or changed this or chase that Julie doesn't think it's a good idea if I want to go you know like I said before go to school go to work whatever why don't you do like the Nike ad just do it understand is why you need your mother's approval to go to school it means a lot to me because I just want her to because she's never had it I have had it yes we're getting to you guys um I hope this isn't an inappropriate question what is your husband say about this I'm not married or not okay okay yeah it seems to me that Tina really respects her mom and has put her on a pedestal and the relationship she has with her stepmother is not even a stepmother situation if they're totally friends they've got young kids and that's all it is but Tina herself has a problem because she respects her mom so much and loves her so much that it hurts her to know that she's got this relationship with is it Sharon yeah and not her mom well we have a reverse situation here because Sharon and uh it's Mary right Sharon and Mary Sharon you're the stepmom and you feel that you do all the work and then she cut Mary comes breezing into town and what gets all the credit or makes you feel like you're the maid makes you feel like what it's not that Mary makes me feel that way it's just I don't feel that I'm getting the reward or the appreciation basically from the kids I am taking care of them I'm doing all the mothering things and then everything will be going real great with us you know my husband and the kids and I and all of a sudden one of them will say oh this is mom's favorite song playing or you know little things like they'll say oh can I call mom tonight just when you know you things are going really great with us then they start talking about her it's not between me and Mary so much it's just that I don't feel like I'm fulfilled I'm not getting reward I don't feel reward he's always going to be mud to them yeah and you're resenting that a little bit and then yeah very common problem for stepfamilies Mary what do you issue what is how you incorporate the ex spouse into this new family in ways that are appropriate for the children and appropriate for the couple and it's very difficult how long has this been going on how long have you been taking care of they're in their early stages of becoming a step family and how do you feel about it Mary I try to be real supportive of everything that Sharon does and when I talk to the kids I encourage them to be supportive of her as well mm-hmm but the problem is what you feel threatened by Mary basically just for their love for her yeah I don't feel like they really think about me I sort of I I know I can't be their mother but I am really being their mother and I don't feel like they're acting like it 13 and 11 yeah this is a very common problem for stepmothers particularly kodiyal stepmothers who do the the mothering tasks but they're not the mothers and they don't feel like they their efforts are validated very often the children are conflicted the kids may not say thank you as much and where the validation has to come from is from the spouse now your problem is what I'm the stepmother and we can have the two kids and we have a very close-knit and we're very supportive of their natural mother there she is involved in their life and we enjoy it however when she comes into town she lives in Florida and when she comes into town they're not allowed to call me mom anymore and it's hurt it hurts and we understand why because of what she's feeling and I can understand that but it hurts me cuz we're doing all the parenting and we are supportive of that that they feel very secure in the environment I just had a baby recently and it's I mean it's a close-knit thing and I know she feels threatened I don't feel threatened I feel hurt at times though we'll be right back when you address that a lot of the step parents and parents here are asking for some kind of information are there groups you can go to we're gonna have all those numbers available on our information line which is 590 190 444 if you'd like to call us there there is help there is help there's a group called Steph Family Association of America it has chapters all around the country and other parents who are dealing with exactly these same issues can help I think this is advisable those of you who are watching you should get help and you shouldn't feel that there's some kind of stigma attached to you if you if you get help because this is a new way of life this is a new way of living and being and there are located and it's complicated if you if you can't find a support group find a therapist to know something about step families to assist you through the process it's a lengthy process from the time of the remarriage to whenever there's a sense of comfort and we need to figure out some way of incorporating more of these people in these they're kind of a new extended family with quasi kin okay we have shared back here who is saying that things get disruptive when the natural mother comes into town well I'm raising a stepchild and it hurts when you know a song comes on or we hear a certain group that they listen to when they're together but there are rewards in it this last my daughter's first year in school she was in kindergarten the Mother's Day gift she made was for me and it was made directly for me because I have been raising her since she was little and I've gone out of my way to try to make things work you know we're getting together as a matter of fact on Friday I gave her the opportunity to come here with me you know I said I'm not gonna go on and you know I'm not gonna I want to get advice for us so that we can work this through we went through a period of hating each other wanting to kill each other now we're I mean really wanting to kill each other and I mean now we're at the point where we're starting to be able to talk talk about you know how do we discipline this little girl who has a mouth on her she's got a mouth on her and we were talking what do we do she says well I can't spank her because I don't want her to stop loving me she's not gonna stop loving her that's her mother but the time you are working towards a parenting coalition which is a wonderful idea to work for my husband's gonna do whatever I say I mean there's hard feelings for you the point is that every person in this audience has a mother and you want your mother's love and I think that is Tina's problem my stepdaughter also felt that she wanted her mother's love so bad that she felt that when we got her that obviously her mother had abandoned her and I don't that that may have said you you were dropped off or left at one time and you may have those latent feelings of wanting your mother's love of whatever you say to her you want that approval because at some time during your life you are not you're not that family unit I heard somebody say something in the audience about what about the children the best thing that we can do for the children is for the adults to be adult and get on with the business of parenting together Oprah yes daughter doesn't understand how come they don't get along she has a stepmother I tried too hard to make her like her stepmom I think she comes after a weekend of visiting and says something Gloria did this or whatever she tries to make me think that she doesn't like her and whatever and I try and make it clear to her if it's her home and your dad's home you have to listen to the rules whatever she's only seven she's got a another you know few years ago children will try to take on the attitude that they think is going to most please you that's right yeah so it's your role to stop that you're absolutely right we'll be right back in a moment [Music] and you were telling us that the bottom line is I am a stepchild and I have been a stepchild since I was three and I will always love my mother a stepchild can love a stepparent and love the real mother - that is kinds of love there's two different kinds of love I love my mother dearly and I also love my stepmother and I still call her mom she's my mom and that I call my mother mother but my mother will always love me and no matter what happens between me and my stepmother I have a mother and I will always love her so [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] guests of our show fly American Airlines American flies to over 270 destinations including cities in Europe and Central and South America American Airlines something specially [Music]

Channel: MrAssassinscreed47

Views: 22,791

Rating: 4.8726115 out of 5

Keywords: oprah winfrey, the oprah winfrey show, oprah, oprah winfrey show, winfrey, oprah winfrey show 2015, the oprah show, show, oprah winfrey cancer, oprah winfrey network, oprah winfrey (celebrity), oprah winfrey interview, oprah winfrey sh..., oprah winfrey network youtube, oprah winfrey illuminati exposed, oprah show, oprah life class, oprah where are they now, oprah 1993, steve harvey show, retro, the spice girls, 1991, 90s

Id: Fa8YTA7fMJU

Length: 44min 14sec (2654 seconds)

Published: Thu Mar 12 2020