Oprah Winfrey Show (November 4th, 1988)

[Music] [Applause] this is a first a first verse every man in this audience every single man you are looking at in this audience look at that now now they're going to try to hold their heads down admits that he has cheated on a wife or girlfriend he once had every one of them has fooled around some of these men are admitting their infidelity here for the first time but we are not here today to hang them although it is a thought but uh instead we're here to find out why why they did it in the first place i want to introduce you to hank and walter and tom and gary who are sitting here on home base i'll start with you hank married for 15 years yes and cheated many times yep why why why because it came up and so was it was it was it you say things just happen do they just keep happening not anymore not anymore you finally go it was just like you know being out and it happened to happen you know i couldn't um you meet some girl and she likes you like her and so you go and that's you know and that's it but what about because this is what we're trying to figure that's why i'm not here to hang you guys up about this but we're trying to figure out why you do is it just because you walk into a room and some woman approaches you and that makes it convenient and so so be it because what happens to those i will love honor and cherish you now you still love your wife you know you still love her but it's like i can't explain you know like suppose when i met you in a bar and you looked at me and i looked at you and you just gave me the eye and i gave you the eye [Applause] it's as simple as that just because so why get married well you're married because you love that girl and you're compatible and you're and you're compatible right but i mean does it doesn't the vowel mean anything is what i'm trying to figure out what does the vowel say does the vowel say that we will never have a sexual relationship with another person is that in there yes yes it is yes it is honor and cherish and and forsaking all others you do honor and cherish in the first in your life and uh and they mean everything to you but you but it can happen i mean it can happen in in fact statistically i think that uh most people you've been married how long 23 years okay and you had an affair during the marriage yes i did and uh it i love my wife my marriage was very secure very strong the sex was great in my marriage there was nothing wrong with it i had a new job everything was going great uh my immediate supervisor was a woman we got along real good and something developed between us and uh we kept it uh you know not at the office but during the lunch hour we would have our affair and it went on for a long time and went on for how long went over a little over a a little over a year right so when how how did you finally did you get caught or did you tell your wife or what i finally told my wife but what happened is that i was given an ultimatum when we started this thing she had said that you know she didn't care that i was married that it was enough just to uh you know have a little relationship on lunch hours and on saturday mornings or whatever and that's what the mr said yeah and i told her that i love my wife and i was very happy with her and i was still having sex with my wife and she said that was okay after about a year she said this is you're going to have to make a decision here this is too long and i says well i said i i told you i love my wife and i'm not going to leave her. so she had a boyfriend a fellow that would see her once a week that he was a lasalle street lawyer and he had been giving her money and she hadn't worked for years and she had taken this job and he forbid her to see anybody else so one night they were drinking or whatever he suspected something and she confessed everything to him and he got real upset he came to my job and talked to me uh when did you tell your wife that's when i told my wife when all this stuff was coming down i said honey i think there's something i better tell you and uh and i and i so i told her first and then you know he put pressure on her to tell my wife what she did and find where the whole thing came out and that was it your marriage got better because of it or worse well we cried we talked uh and it got it uh it was strong then it's stronger now i mean it didn't would you fool around again i don't think so i have no intentions of doing i didn't have any intentions then either right that's what i was going to say did you did you have intentions then and i i resisted it for a real long time but we were together all the time she was the the woman i had the affair with was an extremely sexy woman the kind of woman that people would go up to and tell her how beautiful she was men would tell her that men fantasized about her and it's just being together did it make you feel like you were more of a man uh no i don't think so it just it was very very exciting it was fun i mean it was exciting it was fun this is very interesting so you guys break women's heart in the name of fun sometimes it is sport you know yes what do you mean by that well you know it's it's the well the thrill of victory but the debris doesn't have agony it's like sometimes it there's a thrill in terms of the hunt and and the conquest and so forth and the accumulation and you know you put a well not so much curious after a while after you pass the age 21 you lose curiosity and it's uh it becomes it becomes a challenge on one level not not just the sole reason now why men cheat or why did you cheat well myriad reasons though give me three well you're putting them on first of all um you have to understand basically the psyche that goes into what makes up a man when a man leaves out the door and goes to work he basically goes to war and when he comes home so when a man comes home he wants to be able to lay down the shield and lay down his spear but a lot of times with modern women they want you they want to keep the the game going they want to keep you at war and so you know on that level you're looking for a little peace and soulless on another level women tend to seek married men out because they're safe you know or there's an appearance of safety also men make better friends to women than than other women you know because i have a friend david he likes to say that women aren't good friends and they aren't fair because they never played team sports you know they never played baseball when they were when they were young and uh women will seek you out and in many instances affairs start out as friendships where women will come to you and just want to be friends want to have somebody to talk to and and have somebody to console them you say it's a part of this whole war thing and you say sex was fine the marriage was fine your wife was fine things were fine your wife you love your wife but sometimes you know uh your wife uh will do things to you to push you out but like like well nothing yeah that's right and there are there are many it exists on many levels i don't want to sound like i'm putting all the blame on the women because you know there's a certain amount of the hound dog in all of us here and and more of us and more of us who did not show up today okay by the way johnny b thank you very much because johnny jonathan brandmayer who is a very famous uh radio district here in chicago uh did a plug for us and a lot of you here because of it it's a difficult thing to do to get men to admit on national television out of the closet to admit that they have been fooling around so thank you johnny b yeah the other thing is that i want to explain why why i'm here first of all i'll let you do that when we come back okay when we asked this audience before the show how many of them got caught quite a few raised their hands and the others yelled out rookies we'll talk with the rookies and the veterans when we come back [Music] [Applause] [Music] now there's a better way to keep your 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eighth annual glory of christmas pageant in the crystal cathedral experience the love the beauty the wonder and the mystery of an event that changed history share in a night of delightful entertainment over one million people have made the glory of christmas at the crystal cathedral a holiday tradition november 25th through december 23rd for tickets call 71454 glory or ticketmaster now in recent tests seven out of ten people said skippy premium looks better than the living brand most said it smells fresher and their dogs love it which leaves three out of ten dogs out of the cold doesn't your best friend deserve skippy premium on avery island louisiana folks never take anything with a grain of salt at least not when they could liven it up with a few drops of tabasco sauce tabasco sauce don't keep it bottled up [Applause] [Music] so what we have today is an entire audience of men who have cheated on their wives or their girlfriends and relationships that were supposedly committed relationships an entire audience except one man here who now says he never cheated you wanted to say what yes i've got coal busted yes twice and that's the first time i got caught i said to myself i wouldn't get caught the second time we married or no just dating yes i was a freshman in college i was way at school and i was living in the dorms and in between dorms you have a suite mate next door to you and there's a bathroom between two dorms while she came in through his room and he kind of had it in for me and i was in bed with the girl so she came through the bathroom she taps me off i feel like when you're in bed with the girl and the guy comes in or the girl comes in you have a guy please it's i guess both times i got caught each experience was different because it depends on how involved you are with her like i just met her last week we just started dating it's like well make another phone call find somebody else yeah yeah yeah well when i did get caught i found i basically got myself caught because the room was really dark and she came up and she taps me on the shoulder i'm like oh what are you doing here and she's laying and the girl next to me is really quiet because she knew i had a girlfriend and i'm like oh babe i'm sorry i didn't mean to have this girl here she's like what girl what girl all of a sudden she's like she pulls the blanks and there she is and i said to myself i learned from that example i was only 19 i figured what'd you learn i learned that to be more careful or to not to cheat again that women have feelings that women have feelings too because i admit i just thought of myself at the time because the male libido was there and i was just trying to ego are you married no i'm not but i had the same situation um in college i was at one of my fraternity parties and i had been going out with a girl for about a little over a year and uh she had left the party and i saw another friend and uh so i said well come up to my room we'll have a few drinks and we went up and uh from there she ended up sleeping over and i'll use a code name for the my girlfriend chewbacca but um i happened to get i happened to give her a key to my bedroom which was a mistake and the next morning she came over and caught me in bed with her and she kind of kind of freaked out and she threw a few hangers at me and left and i was like oh well and so then i went uh and called her and she wouldn't talk to me yeah but in the time that i was going to go over and visit her and try and make amends an old girlfriend came in from ohio and was staying in a hotel and she said come on over so i went and had lunch with her and we ended up sleeping together the afternoon and i called this other my girlfriend at the present time chewbacca and uh she said if you don't get up here by six o'clock it's all over so i kind of pulled up my uh drawers and uh got over there and everything worked out fine and uh we had a really nice night but uh you know i just wanted to make the point that yes with chewbacca but i just want to make the point that we were talking about before what women do in my case i didn't you know i would go out a lot of times with my friends to the bars and i would have you know i've had three serious relationships in the past and uh i would just go out and uh with my friends and i'd see someone that would be you know very pretty or attractive talk to him buy him a drink and i wouldn't find you know well it's different it is somewhat different because you're not married no no i wasn't married you know you are you were going to tell me i was yeah and and i've been separated a divorce from my wife for eight years and the reason i came on is not to reopen old wounds it's really to uh try to shed some light as on why men mess around and i wanted to apologize you know to my ex-wife who essentially married and try to bring a little dignity out of a really a very undignified uh circumstance and maybe see if we can all seek some redemption my brother you're not proud of what you did not really and the reason is is is that is that uh you know yeah you know there's a thrill of victory the thrill of conquest and all of that but see when you when you analyze it you know uh at its base what you find is that you cause probably more pain in your woman than you relieved in yourself now you may have had a lot of hidden pain and a lot of reasons why why you stepped out no and you guys who say you know you step out because she annoyed you or she irritated you that that's ridiculous thank you yeah that's ridiculous that's ridiculous yes the reason that um men or i believe anybody goes out with someone other than the person they're committed to is it's a basic instinct that everybody has inside monogamy is not something that uh we as human beings can practice it's it's uh it's in bread and everybody you don't think it's possible to be monogamous well no it it's it is possible but the reasons are not uh uh people are monogamous because they fear repercussions either from religion or because uh the the grief they'll get from the person they're with or because um uh the uh aids problems that that are occurring in the country today that's no joke that's that's true and uh that's stopped me cold i haven't i've i've maintained two relationships uh in the last three years and haven't cheated uh because i'm deathly afraid of dying i don't want to die but aside from that you've maintained two well no i i went up i was with i had a relationship with one woman for two years and i'm just starting another one and haven't cheated on either once because of aids and it's basically because because of aids yes but before that before it really became a prevalent thing uh it was great to go out and meet people and you know do whatever it takes let me ask you this question dude i was talking to some male friends the other day about this very same question is it possible at age 25 35 to pick someone who when you're 79 years old you're still going to be happy with i i would like to think that's possible but i've looked inside myself for that answer and other than the fact that i'm afraid of dying i don't feel it's possible uh physically um i don't think it's something can't you just control those urges i mean it doesn't mean because you get married that you're never ever going to be attracted to somebody again it means you don't act on the attraction is what i felt well um that's that's true uh i think for the most part people have very little discipline that's it that's true that's no definitely i mean it's a discipline okay would you do it again you might be surprised by some of the answers when we come back [Music] [Applause] [Music] so you think you've seen it all in pasta [Music] and you thought you'd seen it all four new homemade pasta dishes from stouffer's hey grandpa this apple tastes like my oatmeal sure it does you see when you're making cereal with flavors you got two choices make the flavors out of 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election the publisher of a tabloid newspaper talks about who's hot and who's not when it comes to his sizzling material part of the southland was plenty hot firefighters really had their hands full changing weekend weather for you the miracle of birth of a killer whale you see it all right here at four when it's time for eyewitness news [Music] every man in this room is cheated fooled around on his wife or his girlfriend and you wanted to make a point that we're not a minority i don't think that i think we are the majority i think statistically uh it's been brought out that most men will cheat so we we aren't so there must be something wrong with the system if the majority of the people are not uh behaving the way that we that marriages are supposed to be then there must be something wrong with marriage and not the people necessary not necessarily not necessarily you said there was nothing wrong with your marriage there is nothing wrong with my marriage and and ideally there's something wrong with the idea of marriage there's something wrong with the the idea of monogamy being you know going from from the time you're married to the time you die that if somebody cheats it's the most horrible terrible thing in the world and you must break up the marriage so should there be intervals say every three years you get to cheat and go do you go out and cheat i always listen this guy back here this guy back here that says he never cheated uh-huh he's the only one that i know who has never cheated really i always thought i know anybody you know what do you say oh no a lot of a lot of men don't cheat and not just a lot of fear a lot of men you know have that strength and conviction a lot of men have the character and integrity not to do it it's really not integrity or character i mean because it's a bipartisan activity uh dwight eisenhower apparently had uh kay summer all and john kennedy uh you know had his several and now i don't want anybody calling up and saying yeah but you're no jfk i know about you know jfk but but it's a bipartisan character what is it if it's not character what is it what part about john kennedy's character or dwight eisenhower's character do you question though i mean there are there are several if that isn't ng if that is indeed true i question the fact they're fooling around on their wives but and what is the reason what is the reason why yes yes okay all right the way society has it it's like a man and waiting woman's eye a man is going to be a man okay that's right and uh all right okay okay what does that mean what does that mean no i would like to say women as a whole women women as a whole you are your worst enemies you understand what i mean you are your worst enemy um women hate other women and we as men we take advantage of that i applaud because women aren't do hate each other i mean okay for instance i agree with you i agree how he started what does that have to do with your ability to take advantage of women because women dislike women if that's what you say because they're vulnerable very vulnerable like how he said you walk into a bar i mean she throws you as sassy look and of course you'll throw one back because if you're i mean don't be stupid you're just going to go like this i look at a girl in a bar and if she throws me assassin look of course i'm going to throw one back and more likely something's going to come out of it it makes no difference if you're already in a committed relationship because you're obviously not married right no okay so if you are already with a woman you're dating you care about her she cares about you you've said all those i love you words and all those intimacies you've shared but if you see somebody else so be it i've been dating a girl for the last year we're coming up on a year this next week it's on my birthday also and i love the woman i love her very deeply i haven't you know messed around but in my past this woman you love that you love very dearly and your yearly anniversary is coming up on your birthday if you were in a bar and ran across somebody who was sassy or sexier or whatever and she gave you a look and you gave her a look would that mean this girl's out i'd give her a look i wouldn't take her home sure [Applause] in today's world yeah it is so unsafe to do it i mean i don't care what the doctors say i will not take someone home from bar i meet a girl in a bar i mean what what is she doing in there i mean she's delighted she's in there avocado but i mean she's sitting there by herself and she throws you assassin i mean that's not the type of woman 30 years from now oh yeah my mother my wife and my what if you meet her in the live kids what if you beat her in the library that's a good question hank what if you meet her in the library um if you meet her in the bar why would you be at the bar though yeah you're going for the same i'm in the bar for two reasons maybe it's after work and i'm tired i want to have a cocktail okay i'm going there to have dinner and read the paper maybe the you know christian science monitors what if she's there for the same reason i'm a good boy what's the point you wanted to make what's your point yes well he said um they're just there you know why they're there they're there to pick us up but we're there to pick them up too i feel not categorized yeah you wanted to say what yes uh well i'm presently married and separated and i had a relationship with a girl a few years ago that my wife found out about in a roundabout way and she was sort of upset at the first off of it but it seemed to bring us more together because of the fact that my wife was not taking care of me as a man she wasn't giving me the proper respect and what i needed and as a re as a result of all of that i did not take it easy to go out with another woman when you say not taking care of you as a man what does that mean sex means sex it means respect it means you know everything that goes along with being married and if you're gonna be cheated on or if you're cheating against your husband your husband will cheat against you it just stands to reason that that's the way that it's going to be and there's a trust factor that you try and instill with each other when you first get married but you can't follow up on trust after your trust has been violated yes yeah okay marriage is the only legal sexual relationship there is i mean it is the only legally that is the only choice we have is to get married and have a relationship with one person so there are no provisions in our society for other types of relationships legally and so gary you live with a woman for what how long about four years and she cheated on you well the first year was great sex was great everything was great second and third year i went off five times on her she's with me yeah she really loved me and i knew that come the fourth year so i started to turn things around well at that time she did what i did about six months down the road she was flowing around talk about what made me do it yeah what made you do it if it was so fine then first you know for the first time neglected or what yeah basically it wasn't the same as it was it wasn't that spark when i come in the door when i came in the door it was it started to be a fight things just started to fall apart so i i wasn't married okay i just got out of a relationship and i i blew it i blew it i started feeling neglected and that's why i did it and i got caught at it but it's i i was really ashamed about what i did though you weren't why i wasn't because i was more or less driven to it this the woman twisted my mind she went somewhere somebody just do it for the woman the woman twisted your mind all right now how would you like you man what when you when uh let's say you're on the other line when you when you call up your girlfriend right now and you're on the other line she's talking to a friend of yours and then all of a sudden she thinks she switched back to the other line she says oh the dickhead's on the other line i mean what kind of stuff [Applause] like you you don't i mean you don't need that stuff so why didn't you just leave her well i did i did i went off and i went with somebody else when she found out a bit she tried to make me feel like the bad guy now i can't feel like why should i feel bad about it like i said i'm not ashamed of what i did okay all right if a man cheat should he tell you or lie about an expert on infidelity the only man in the room who hasn't cheated when we come back estee lauder skin care estee lauder makeup estee lauder fragrance all in our gift to you it's a truly special collection filled with treatment fragrance and makeup products including night repair and country mist makeup it's your bonus with any estee lauder purchase of 12.50 or more estee lauder live in our world this gift is yours through november 12th at bullock's that's really low but here's a thought for you there's a really great place to go at kb you'll find great prices on all nintendo game systems and the action-packed cartridges now you're playing with power touchstone pictures presents diane keaton in the movie newsweek magazine calls undeniably powerful the good mother what do you think jesse ryan he did something wrong sneak preview says diane keaton is amazing finest performance by any actress this year don't you think i'm taking the rap too huh how about for the rest of my life and us magazine raves diane keaton's courageous fight makes a great movie the good mother rated r now playing at a theater near you did you pay any income tax last year if you did then you paid more than general motors even though they made over two billion dollars you also paid more than millionaires to use fancy tax loopholes i want to go to the senate to close those loopholes pete wilson doesn't agree he voted to make middle-class families pay more taxes so that people making over two hundred thousand a year could pay less the corporations and millionaires are supporting pete wilson i need your support my next guest uh we have an audience of men who have all cheated on their wives or their girlfriends my next guest is the only man in this room who hasn't cheated dr uh frank pittman is the author of private lies infidelity and the portrayal of intimacy due out in bookstores in january dr pittman is a psychiatrist and family therapist in atlanta we're glad to have you uh join us us with all of our cheating men and you were saying what to him during the break okay i was telling him during the break he said that he's never cheated in his life okay now i'm a parent now and you know like when you're growing up mother and father say hey how can you tell me what to do when i done it before you know learn from my mistake okay now i got a little girl okay and yeah i cheated now how can i tell her not to do it or about it if i've never done it and then you say you're cause you know that's a ridiculousness that is ridiculous that's like an expert right so do you need to do you need to take drugs to tell your kid not to take drugs no take it to find out what it'll do to you curiosity i'm not curious i'm not how can you press an opinion on something that you don't know you because you see other people's lives being destroyed by you do not i don't buy into that that's in the instance of drugs but in an instance like he's saying you're voicing your opinion on something that you don't know about yourself you're just taking someone else's word for it would you let the doctor speak thank you okay yes okay my grandfather was an undertaker before he died he'd never died before he was an expert at what he was doing [Applause] so i i guess it's a point worth making though how do you how can you how do you know that men shouldn't cheat and how can you advise men on cheating if you've never done it i might have cheated if i hadn't been in the business of working with marriages of seeing what happened to people who did i might have done it myself everybody has the same temptations everybody is faced with the fact that this is a very sexually overcharged world we're all scared of women all men grow up being afraid of women and i think all women grow up being afraid of men [Applause] i'm not afraid of any woman okay i mean if she's there she's just there and i'll just be right along with her yeah what do you say what do you what do you mean by that doctor though i think there are a lot of men who are not afraid of sex right but they're afraid which is the difference between being afraid of sex and intimacy and commitment you know that yes and that's going to work i would i'd venture to say nobody in this room is afraid of sex but a lot of you are afraid of intimacy i would i would venture to say that and commitment no no no no oh no no stand up sir what it is is they're afraid that the woman's going to possess them yeah that's good what do you mean by that make them do every thing that they want them to do lead the straight feed the straight narrow life don't do anything wrong live for them and and it doesn't happen and so he said what it is fear of possession yes what are you saying i think it's more fear of the commitment you know because that's a vulnerable feeling having to be with someone and treat them right all the time no no men live for images also point is you know being a man i've been in that position before i've cheated but there's a lot of reasons for doing it and the reason why a lot of us do it and they don't want to admit it of course is because of the fact that they're not getting what they want out of that relationship and then a lot of them do not want to call off the doctor speak when we come back because i would adventure this you guys are the kind of guy if it wasn't for you i wouldn't be in the talk show business because you're the one guys that drive women on this show who've been fooled around on and messed over and abused yes you are yes you are yes you are and i would venture to say that a lot of you don't even know what you want back in a moment there's this woman i just got to know she was so serious but she had no flair no fun so we had a little talk fitting pretty queen size paddy hoes 15 gorgeous colors seven comfortable styles for the fashionable full-figured woman you know what it worked now she's someone i love spending time with me when you're fitting pretty it shows you're pretty good fisherman for a city girl you're not a bad cook for a country boy [Music] all the comforts of home a coffee with a subtle taste of almonds and creamy rich cafe francaise from general foods international coffees this is great so city girl where are you planning on plugging this in [Music] hunting for gift ideas that's kmart's biggest portrait special ever 48 portraits for 18.95 wait do you know what a bargain that is you get a big 10 by 13 two eight by tens three five by sevens 15 wallets and nine new mini portraits plus 18 portrait christmas cards that's 48 portraits for only 18.95 and only at kmart just check your newspaper michael jackson's plastic face is melting space aliens are stealing our kids tyson's wife confesses i never loved him woman with two heads files a job discrimination suit you've seen the bizarre headlines they're the most popular newspapers in the world how do they get their stories how do they avoid lawsuits because inquiring minds want to know eyewitness news reporter paul dandridge rips the cover off the tabloids this week at four and only on seven [Music] so yeah you wanted to make the point i said i venture to say a lot of people don't a lot of ben don't know what they want a lot of women don't know what they want either so be in in in response to what you had just said about you know sometimes she's not giving you what you want if you ask a man what he wants he can't even articulate what he wants for the most part you wanted to say please please please um i'm going to elaborate on the gentleman's story over there i was in a relationship for 13 years um it was a beautiful relationship but as i point out before i know what i want i know what i have no insecurities about myself whatsoever what do you want what i want i want a woman who is trustworthy i want a woman who would just say hello i love you um how would you like to be in a relationship for 13 years in which this person have never told you that she loved you unless she just laughed um and her job is more important but you have to understand as we men are we tend to be overbearing why would you stay in a relationship with someone for 13 years of that relationship oh yes i am definitely out of it i understand and as i pointed out before as i pointed out before you women are your worst enemies and that's all to it that's his that's it in a nutshell okay carla you say what hello hi this is not funny everybody in the room is laughing you're funny i haven't heard one intelligent reason why you actually cheat oh women hate women the bottom line is that not one person in here when they got married said love honor and cheat okay everybody said they were gonna stay together now listen hold on let him finish go ahead all right what had happened is that in that relationship you had a commitment from whoever you were with they said i will do a certain thing they had guidelines that you took all right well obviously they fell out of those guidelines because they weren't giving you what you wanted so you know what you went and found it somewhere else so it's just as much the winter sponsor but over a lot of times you can't do that wait a minute let the caller finish and then doctor i'll let you speak what'd you say caller i just think that this is ridiculous this isn't funny this is not something oh grab them on the back yeah but [Applause] women are so no i've never cheated i've been married for two years what about when you what did you say when she was engaged before she got married with him no i don't make it call her he wants to know if you cheated when you were never engaged i don't think that's the point though i think the point i like to give up i i think the point that that was made earlier uh some men cheat for different reasons we were told earlier by a man who's been married 23 years that his marriage was fine but it was just one of those things she was in the office she was available dr pittman you say well yeah cheating is really a team sport i don't think i fully realize that until today but this is a team of guys who have they're they're against they're against women there are exceptions here i don't think these guys are against marriage yeah i don't think they're against i don't think they're against marriage but go ahead when you see them when you see these same guys in your office with their wives they got a very different story on it now what happens is a guy steps out on his wife as soon as he does there's a short circuit in his brain and he rewrites the whole history of his marriage so that what he did is his wife's fault and she probably wasn't even there well bro i can't go i'll let you respond when we come back in a moment [Applause] [Music] [Applause] save as much as 10 to 34 if you call now and switch to sprint everyone is watching searching for a brand of soft contact lens solutions that won't cause problems the burning stinging reactance thimerosal can cause now there is one from a name you've trusted for over 90 years murine mureen soft contact lens solutions are virtually irritation free because marine only makes solutions that are thimerosal free and for savings on marine solutions check the coupon section in this sunday's paper an ordinary mother an innocent victim of fate accused of the very crime she had suffered you're crediting me with the perfect murder lindy chamberlain's story inflamed a nation threatened to kill him but her courage inspired the world meryl streep sam neil in the gripping true story a cry in the dark rated pg-13 starts friday november 11th national westwood chinese hollywood there's a duel going on at taco bell the biggest appetites are shooting it out with our 59-cent value menu [Applause] [Music] six of everyone's favorites tacos bean burritos tostadas and more just 59 cents each all day every day so when it comes to getting your fill for less nobody beats the [Music] we border an audience of men here all who have cheated on their wives or their girlfriends and they're explaining to us today why men cheat you want to finish your comment make it brief please yeah please oprah real quick for the caller that came in uh everybody's not sounding like that there's a lot of reason why men cheat a lot of men cheat like in my why did you cheat yes okay in my situation if i got a situation at home and i'm not making enough money i'm unemployed and i got a friend out here who's willing to help me if i spend that little time and put food on the table i'm feeding my wife and i'm feeding my kids now i don't see how that is in i don't see how it's wrong wait a minute let me let me explain something no no no understand be perfectly clear understand me if all right let me explain it a little bit better if if if you so you're going with the woman because she's giving you money and that's how you feel children no no the situation was a friendship this all i ever heard okay it started off with friendship and what happens was there was no um there was no intimate affairs it started off as a friendship and they said well what's wrong with it so i turned around told him what was wrong with the situation so they were nice enough to turn around and give me or loan me the the uh money and stuff to make sure these kids and stuff got situated because of them though i took care of the wife and the kid so i don't see anything wrong with that but no no she maybe wants something in return but the fact is but let me just have a limit i want to go thank you for making your point the doctor this many times when people have arguments you know in relationships and you fight about you being late or you that your socks being on the floor whatever it's never about the socks being laid and it's never about you coming in late it's never about whatever whatever and so it for him to say that he was doing well there's always an underlying reason okay you disagree i'd rather go do that than stick up out in the street and go to jail or the jails is full of us okay and it's a lot easier to get the help in hand from a friend than go out there and stick somebody up bash him in the head and take him okay call her you say what call are you on the air hi oprah yes um i recognize two of the men in the audience because i'm the one that cheated because because i cheated with them or their wives and the reason why they say they were unhappy is because they weren't getting what they needed at home so are you are you married no i'm not well somebody made the point earlier that it takes two so why would you cheat with them because they you know they made promises that they were going to leave their wives and be with me and i was full enough to believe them if the man say hey baby i'm married that is enough for her to step back or accept whatever comes it takes two oprah that's right they don't do that it takes two girls it takes two people to have it you go to a bar and if you say you're married a girl will still come up and want to go home with you it takes two people to cheat so what about the point earlier i was making that when you say that oh i left because my wife wasn't get doing what i needed or whatever marriage is never perfect you can always find something to take offense at most of the people in the world are afraid of being happily married they're afraid of being fully completely married they're afraid of the intimacy they're afraid it'll be possession they're afraid they'll really lose themselves into the marriage one way to keep isn't it true that men have this feeling more than women see women want to be possessed taken over and absolutely absolutely and men don't want it men are afraid of being happily married maybe women are afraid of being unhappily married men are afraid of being happier they find ways i hear this and all these guys here they're talking about how there's one little way in which they were not made gloriously happy and therefore whatever they do is now their wife's fault i can't imagine going through life only knowing one lover i just can't imagine it i'm a good person and i love women and i just can't imagine it and that's all i am saying [Applause] i kept getting these headaches then my assistant said why are you squinting so much at those printouts i didn't mess around went straight to lens crafters lens crafters crafts your quality glasses in about an hour by putting the whole app right in the store so you can see better and feel better in about an hour no more headaches great looking top quality glasses and all it took was one hour lenscrafters custom crafted eyeglasses in about an hour call 1-800-722 lens for one of 20 la locations near you when i'm working in the kitchen anything i find to make my life easier like reynolds plastic wrap is greatly appreciated it handles great and cling how's this for playing reynolds plastic wrap wrap it right a reynolds oven cooking bag is such a convenient way to cook a meal because the meat based itself tender and juicy right inside the bag and there's no messy pan or oven to clean up so make it convenient with reynolds oven cooking bags one out of every four americans will suffer from heart disease one out of four but you can help reduce your family's risk with a balanced diet of food lower in fat and cholesterol and higher in complex carbohydrates food like weber's bread it's good for your heart because it can help your body defend against heart disease serve more bread like weber's [Music] because one out of four is one too many [Music] i work a full-time job and i have a full-time family so i don't have time to run around bargain hunting that's why i like shopping at albertsons i can find everything i want at the low prices i want to pay it's a good thing albertsons isn't all caught up in this merger mania because i really depend on the savings and service i get here it makes my life a lot easier albertsons we think like you do hello everyone i'm joannee shamina coming up on eyewitness news the aftermath of a riot at a luxury hotel in mexico city we'll have a special report on a special program that gets young people out of gangs flying in a commercial jet could be hazardous to your health and you may not know it we'll tell you why and we'll hear from some people who say they're addicted to sex and what they do about it more on those tattletail tell-all tabloids and the scary new movie they live gary franklin tells us if it's alive and well at four see you then [Applause] [Music] so here's the bottom line men cheat because they just want more than one woman no because they're afraid you're wrong because because they're afraid of just having one woman okay your point your point make your point allah is too tied down i would say that i was tied down and i cheated on her girlfriend i talked to her on the phone my wife's girlfriend and i said i'm not going to cheat on her and she said that's my girlfriend you're talking to she opened the door and she caught me and her girlfriend in the bed okay you say what yes i was married for five years i lived with a woman for five years after five years we got married and when before we got married i could go out and do anything i wanted to i'm not talking about fooling around play ball or whatever now she'll come up to your park and get me after we got married she ran me out the house okay you say what two realities there's the primal sexual reality and there's a social reality social reality prohibits us from having the number of women we might naturally have primal reality like sex if you can do it you will as a man with as many people as you can as a person women do not have the same same it's only the social reality that's the penalty because women want women want intimacy in religion i'm telling you they want they want to be with somebody forever who's going to love them and take care of them yes how do you give them that if you're running around you know what we're missing overall that's why we're so successful in what we're doing [Applause] caller caller make your comment brief please yes caller caller you're on hello yes i want to say that this is the weakest bunch of women of men that i have ever seen in my life okay what happened to all the strength that men are supposed to have they cannot say no they are absolutely weak we're saying yes to women we're saying yes to other women we're not talking about homosexual relationships here we're going after women it's not like uh it's nature it's natural if it wasn't available we couldn't have it okay over a good part of this problem is the women that are out there masquerading as single women out there trying to catch these married men because they're either hygienic or hygienically correct or they're easier to deal with i think it's the married women that are the bulk of the problem of why men mess around while they're not doing their homework they're out in the street looking for mr goodbye [Applause] yes i agree with the caller you know i've been divorced now six years myself and uh i made a mistake myself and if i had a chance to do it all over i would do it over in a different way and what our society is really missing being with ladies is being dedicated we all should be dedicated in that way society would be different in a sense oh well these guys said they can't be dedicated everybody can be dedicated you know everybody has that little wild thing right now everybody has that little wild thing in them now and that's what it really is everybody's running okay your point i get caught twice cheating and once one time someone cheated on me i'll never do it again because now i know how they felt when i did it to them i never do it again okay so the chance comes up who makes these rules who decides what we're doing is wrong i can see if you were married then i can understand okay that's wrong you shouldn't be doing it just because i'm single doesn't mean i can't do it you know who says i'm wrong the society doesn't make these rules i was talking to him about that and he said made a point to me that said because there's all kinds of feelings and other people being involved with it i don't understand that doesn't make sense to me you're making it what about hurting the other person okay i admit when i got caught i felt bad at the initial moment just a little bit but what really made me feel bad when she was hurting and i looked at her afterwards as was that's why i felt bad okay [Applause] [Music] [Applause] the japanese love tradition so today the families 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instant there's a name for food this good mel in recent tests seven out of ten people said skippy premium looks better than the living brand most said it smells fresher and their dogs love it which leaves three out of ten dogs out of the cold doesn't your best friend deserve skippy premium i'm getting ready for my seventh marathon eating's important to me so most mornings at sweetina whole wheat complex carbos fiber the taste i wouldn't eat it if i didn't like it retina when you see fit to stay fit the real story on the tabloids this week at four [Music] [Applause] [Music] okay dr pittman's book is called private lies it will be available in bookstores in january uh i thank you audience of you cheating men for uh making your lives public here and again johnny b thank you you wanted to say what the point is they want us to be strong well it's got to be an equal factor they have to be just as strong uh it's it takes two 100 no 50 50. how about you no one's saying you know what if you're going to cheat all right fine but at least communicate it to the other person you know if you're ready to choose the relationship's probably over anyways that's right yes central point in all of this is that this can happen but whatever you do good or bad protect your lives protect your marriage tell the truth that keeps it from falling apart tell the truth whatever you do tell the truth thank you hi i'm steve edwards monday on am michael edwards talks about his seven year live-in love affair with priscilla presley no holes will be barred also heather locklear and ernest borgnine monday at 9. for written transcripts send three dollars to oprah transcripts 267 broadway new york new york 1007. [Music] you

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Keywords: oprah winfrey, the oprah winfrey show, oprah winfrey show, the oprah winfrey show (tv program), oprah winfrey network, oprah winfrey (celebrity), oprah winfrey network youtube, oprah, the oprah winfrey show (television show), oprah winfrey interview, oprah show, winfrey, oprah where are they now, oprah winfrey (author), oprah winfrey top 10, oprah winfrey advice, oprah winfrey success, oprah winfrey motivation, where are they now oprah, oprah winfrey (personality)

Id: MzisCekzSt8

Length: 59min 24sec (3564 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 03 2020