the green room with paul provenza 1.03

you uh you can't commit you're not allowed show's over hey come here there's a bunch of comedians hanging out with some friends you're not supposed to be here but if you call you the time and Han if you've ever been offended by anything is that a legal thing it's in lieu of a a court order Jeff you should be put in jail and jacket oh yeah I'm let IM like a wild boy i would love to see the GPS tracking route on this [ __ ] what are you doing behind a dumpster on Santa Monica Boulevard who still goes to the Pleasure Chest can't you just get it online no actually I'm waiting for a table for two at Bennigan's I think most people know it's an alcohol monitoring ankle bracelet I'm it's not house arrest Mikey oh did I have this what so what now it's true I need one of those for frozen yogurt see I thought you were gonna go that's not in the alcohol monitoring bracelet this is an alcohol now there's like I look there's a little man hanging on ready to stab you if you stop drinking have you seen Caritas version hilarious I don't even want to go and do I just saw a picture of him in some magazine where I don't know what happens to certain comedians when they go you know what's really funny muscles yeah what a hilarious set of guns on that clearly he's consulted with Joan Rivers arms likely on his career path that is a little bit here a little bit with a tainted those he's all heads become one of his props yeah I told that woman from Desperate Housewives and she'd had some ongoing yelling it up why is he yelling you used to you used to talking to people in the outback right here what was i talking Esterhaus why that's right dude she had so much work I went rude when I saw her cuz I haven't really seen that many people with plastic surgery in him and she confused it with recognition she was like yeah here's my theory um saline breast implants do not biodegrade now consider the Beverly Hills Cemetery but when the aliens excavate the corpses in two thousand years well what false conclusion will they draw from either the wealthy females were buried with their goldfish I don't understand who finds fake tits attractive times it's like I'm so high and yours are among the best I've seen but when you take the clothes off and you get you can always tell it's fake and to me that's kind of like like when you're watching a movie and you see the boom come in the shop I got a guy hey reminds me of prison why were the penis is so high this hole oh very very like a jail big black guys with windscreens on their [ __ ] I don't have to pull over or you could have in Charlize Theron and mightyjoyoung carrot top I don't understand the comedy muscle thing no comedians are supposed to be the guy that get out of the fight you know that's why we're funny because we can talk it our way out of getting our ass kicked we're not the guy kicking the ass that's not the funny but that goes to the whole issue of vulnerability do you like to me I like comedians who are vulnerable who don't like their own act you are scared to perform don't like people I don't like who can you think of like that there me no I like my act secretly Craig Campbell's a hard nut guys a Canadian bloke and here I think it was some city boys were giving him [ __ ] in London one night and he jumps up on the table and he pulls his pants down and it takes his dick out and he starts wanking out of gun I don't know if you know much about primates but this is a sign of disrespect Wow he's funny why did we get him yeah masturbation is a sign of disrespect I have disrespected Campbell Brown repeatedly I was having dinner with uh with cat with our friend Kathy Griffin's it was a bunch of us and like who do you think is sexy I was like Campbell Brown forget it Campbell Brown and then I jokingly said I after the news now because it gave a breath and Cathy said she was recently on Campbell Brown show plugging your book and were like three two and then she went my friend Dana goldrich off to your show she's a newscaster Asst and I do not have a solid you sir I shall box oh yes I shall not have Campbell grounds knowledge with your CV I shall find you in sepia bring in the mustaches I think about Bri Walker masturbating me with her claw we take that out actually no he's gonna be are you kidding I hope this doesn't affect your career William said come on since we're all doing other people's material Jake Johansson said the funny thing he moved down to the Venice Beach area and he goes oh it's just an amazing neighborhood and I said yeah and have you all these amazing characters and go have you seen the little thalidomide guy with the flippers who happens to also be a double amputee who rules along in the skateboard and he break the answers and spins on his little hump and he went yes and the greatest thing is that for a dollar you can look right at him but we kid the deformed here at the I kid the deform hey where's it Gary are you twittering again we are live online I am telling people that Andy Dick looks lucid buh buh buh and handsome and the other celebrity names currently making me giggle are Eliza Dushku Marcia Gay Harden and Greg Louganis Madeline Eliza Dushku had that picture online where you could see her cooter through her see-through dress I'm sorry and Alan Thicke was it I wasn't going anywhere with that that's a great comedy rhythm think that is out of that other than that of that uh excuse me right what is this list of people I guess that what is my solution part yes scraps of illusions on a me I say this with the most respect and effects you for you okay you like nobody could ever have any kind of respect I'm a big fan of yours as you know you've done some amazing work over the years your best work by far yes it's Celebrity Rehab oh you mean I mean it sincerely genuinely some of my best acting you you were phenomenal you were so real and authentic and so pathetic at the start and then your book a note no I went in in a bad play it was really genuine how much of the reality of that is reality it's it's real it's like a game show where uh it's a good way to go with rehab yeah game show trench support I think it's good I think the highest recovery rate is Plinko I'll take hit rock bottom for 50 when you when you did that show was that like well I've gone so public with this yeah that this now my 375th rehab is gonna stick yeah ten yeah you know it wasn't about oh this one's gonna stick I go in to every one of my rehab thinking it's gonna stick III think this is it man I got off rehabs are like pilots this might be the one had a drink in late it's a Bennett by the way it's been a year and that is to me a year sure but what I was gonna say is right behind you is in my very first rehab she was a guest live it's called it an RA or a nurse or a technician it's my friend rain fire rain fire is sitting next to Kelly Carlin I just take a moment I got to share this with you guys because doing this having all you guys and friends have been on this show over the past few nights it's just been really everybody should do blow right you know you want to have it Kelly comes up to me and she puts your hand in hand in mind like that like that you feel that no and I'm like what the [ __ ] is that and she goes this belonged to my dad and I want you to have it and this is George Carlin's gesture pin I cried like a little prison [ __ ] put it in appropriately I put it in the bag I put my weed in I felt that would be in omage and I think I'm gonna pierce my [ __ ] with it it's a good thing you didn't turn a touching speech into something cheap at the end of it I'll never forget this I'm gonna do my [ __ ] and the thing in the ball if there was a comedian in that what's a declaration of independence at the end would have been [ __ ] yeah by the way to King George cop was that Richard rich hold impression possibly an unintentional richyallum person I get that a lot well I have people mimic me and they always like it's before they all do the same thing and hang it's like do I sound that nasally yes you did yes yeah here's how you suck yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Andy day to you my man Hey right now Gilbert Cochran is watching this going like headstand this happy Dex I don't get killed I'm not so much I wanna have gilbert godfree's voice on my GPS I'm good I do make oh what a left make a left here and then keep going it doesn't matter like Jay Leno on the show man you're a good man I don't enjoy much why are you so angry we go back you and I and and me don't gets intense when you start waving Twizzlers em yeah but you always were angry right I am I do have a certain level of anger maybe if I had made more of a living maybe I gotta blame to my landlord every month he isn't like my material give him drink tickets instead of the rent doesn't go over what I thought the thing that makes a person a comedian is that anger is generated I create rage like fumes from a bus like I have if I'm up and I'm moving I'm manufacturing rage and as my life has become a little more settled focuses to other things and because I was talking about reality shows my wife loves like any like Real Housewives of New Jersey or whatever it is I cannot be in the room I drives me insane because I had this realization one day it's like okay you are watching people that are not actors in phony situations created by people that are not writers and the non actors are second guessing how they think you would like to see them behave were this situation genuine which it isn't and you are passively observing this you are technically not even alive at this point you are watching an amateur production of nothing yeah if you add one more layer to it the fabric of reality will tear and the demons of pellucid err will fill the room and I am in solution er perhaps your own comedy gold balloons you did you get it back for me Dennis Miller workshop I just came back from Jeff Oh mom how did you end up in rehab uh I came to and I'd rub my [ __ ] everywhere and I don't remember doing it you wanna literally was like a sudden Annie went now I'm listening so I came to and I rub my poo everywhere looked around the bed I looked at my hands and this [ __ ] all over my hands and I'm like you know this looks like my handiwork this clearly seems to be an inside job this is the funny game I mean like I passed out and shat the bed I mean I got inside my ass got my [ __ ] got creative and so like now why isn't this on reality television sorry wait Yuri stuff I was then did you have to say this is a fist two gay people by the way this is a fist the guys out gay people fight that's how you lose fights no but I'm asking did you say you put your hand and I got creative and then like I was I was that much in denial but I then started looking around to see if any windows were open ah just in case I might have broken in right got inside my ha ha and got creative yes and I rang my dad I hope you get rid of that phone now if you are with a woman when you wake up covered in your own feces so was i I know this looks bad I mean there's really nothing you can say we have the worst tooth fairy in this town so I brought my [ __ ] or with my then-girlfriend have been sleeping so do the [ __ ] math so I believe she left your wife is here is just the first you've heard this story he pretty much opens with it on the first date what an icebreaker you don't understand I'm Australian that's how we do it uh when you ended up in rehab was there any faeces involved I'm more urine guy yes sir this last time around I was in the back of a cop car I was telling them I had to go to the bathroom as I really have to go and I'm handcuffed and I was in the back of the car for hours a night I just let it go why did they keep you in the car so long cuz hops are great they seemed so friendly uh you know Brendan's coming over the state and I told him if he wants to know everything there is to know about Americans show business you're the guy yeah go to the Leno Show mention my name over there he's Andy scheduled to be the guest right after the guy that Hill Jays family isn't like anybody who makes fun of them he doesn't enjoy that Sunday I've never made fun of him but he won't have me on well I just was worried would he'd be able to be as edgy at 10:00 you know your game what JB that's from my act I'm sorry now when you go on the road to people like oh I love him well he's a flag that [ __ ] seagulls have you ever had a development deal for your own series I've had I've had so many non airing pilots and in-house presentations your state of the industry address in the Montreal Festival it's a huge huge comics favorite and they're people familiar with that yeah yeah we have here a lot you're on item in a lot I'm on letter middle of things you're fine why are we oh it's good but you want to find out why you're so angry Oh am i angry I'm really very very it so it's my [ __ ] to be angry I know I wake up in the morning I'm dancing singing i watch the view just to get me exercised I just want to hear what Sherri Shepherd's take is on anything the woman who thought the world was flat for about 18 hours yesterday when I said the world was flat I at that moment I thought it was but now my people about me it probably is not flat yeah yeah Ben bleed folks I heard Patrick Swayze to be a guest on the view on Thursday only communicating with Whoopi Goldberg well the funny thing about the state of the industry addresses how whole comedy industry is here enjoying this and you never get a job out of it right but they always there was Tyco but I guess maybe you could be a guy who yells at people in his office yeah so they always trying to transfer him I was not angry with it every haircut you get she doesn't like it to the neck guy you have you have to do it you they are never gonna tell you right I too have had my handed more pilots than an Air Force proctologist wait today you gotta get him I would invoke their I have had my hand in more pilots than an Air Force proctologist why shouldn't the person reacting also do it yeah I don't know proctology you got nothing here that's not happening to people flipping by show town right now is this queer as folk good freeze day yeah what would be the perfect day Andy Kindler series let's pitch it right now let's come up with it and pitch the Andy Kindler show I just see the suffix a Holocaust or something something something Holocaust oh the end of every episode I wanted to like close in like the cartoon Jews do with you heads were giving all the stuff that you're talking about with show business and everything you have been on the longest-running prime-time longest lemon-yellow character-based cartoon but were you like really craving stand up again because you took I took a long time off of stand-up because I yeah I started when I was 17 and I did it like straight through and I never really had a time as an adult where I wasn't doing it got married and I thought I'll just try being a grown-up for a while how'd that work out that's so much I was working in at Austin Texas a couple of two years ago which is a lovely town surrounded by Texas that's exactly you and I was working at the comedy club and Larry the Cable Guy was working a collection of dredged waterways it just bulldoze people into and and I was like I would I wouldn't know what to do when you have to wait for the you know the time the punchline well you have to have a catchphrase like mine was same old same old for many years remember that same old same old just shows the dough you wonder if you can't finish it get a healthy start on I want to hear more catchphrase you think so Sarah hello come up with one for me it's still happening don't count me out yet oh I guess mom would be don't [ __ ] the bed that sounds like a Nickelodeon show The Game Show on logo I have a backdoor pilot II remember in the 80s were in the 80s word help to have a quotation name in between your first and last names Andy whiny J Kindler with a headshot like this I can't help it I'm funny that was all that you just gonna hamburger he would just which is this guy will just say the word hamburger hamburger people you see in India the bra row now this hamburger thing is there a show there yeah there sure why should I care about okay I see you as an angry butcher you like to grind meat yet you love your daughter speaking to me no one on this panel kisses their audiences ass nothing sends me out of a room fasoli I don't know I get graded party with you guys unlike this guy ah you guys are great get out what is here also from Australian Oh Ben Elwood Ben Elwood is like just immediately provenza know when we first saw him as well we're like that's a comic when he started out he was such a raw open honest open spot that when he did a gag that didn't work rather than try and retrace his steps or anything there just be deathly silence he just go [ __ ] no comedian no comedian is on stage to make people laugh you're on stage because you're damaged and you need love from strangers you show me I just like to make people laugh then you are not a good car got it you got to do the impression of every comedian oh do I have to do an impression of you doing your traveller okay this is [ __ ] the [ __ ] funniest thing ever Dana just Costa is my impression of every comedian zip hey thank you guys for hanging out with my friend Lena ta

Channel: offely

Views: 429,861

Rating: 4.8405037 out of 5

Keywords: the, green, room, with, paul, provenza

Id: yrwwYJY6HXo

Length: 26min 5sec (1565 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 12 2012

Reddit Comments

[u/furrowsmiter]

Future historians will cite reality TV as one of the markers signaling the decline of American society.

[u/VeryTallDog]

Well the way he explains it makes it seems like some wacky improv