the graham norton show 29/11/13

on the show tonight a top-of-the-range Irish model sexy exterior looks good with the top down and ladies believe me it'll be the smoothest ride in your life [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] very kind ladies and gentlemen we have got a packed sofa tonight Irish actor turned Hollywood star Colin Farrell is here top gear favorite Jeremy Clarkson is on the shower brilliant coming joke brand is here showbiz legend Sharon Osbourne is [Applause] providing new music all the way from Canada the fantastic Arcade Fire [Applause] yeah oh hey great time called fire back in the show at starved some of the great movies like phone booth in Bruges here isn't an early role and you look at that either green stripped off in the jungle always macho hey hey hey I would sooner eat a kangaroo testicle : also starred in the film version of the American cop show Miami Vice here is as Krakus and I think this is his partner Tubbs no it's not here they are together oh look at them they're looking cool mind you not everyone looks that good in a sports car no you know I'm a big fan of Top Gear and I do love the star in a reasonably-priced car and they have all sorts of celebrities and they even asked me they did but I'm very very busy I'm very very busy so I set my dog match now you may laugh but honestly she was doing okay till she saw squirrel Jeremy's not just mad about cars you also love cycling later on he does love cycling popular as I think nowadays even David Cameron does it hello David Cameron you are our prime minister why aren't you riding with a helmet oh my mistake you are [Applause] yes updating dairy culture [Applause] [Applause] [Music] and you're not just [Applause] [Music] [Applause] welcome to everyone thanks now I'm not normally nervous when I do the show but I do look at that couch and I think trouble if I was a teacher I would not sit you together there's joy Jeremy did you have beef at some point well at small beef do you remember years ago we went to remind him do remember you haven't dinner ha ha ha talent yeah me and basically some TV except went round that way they were all kind of like newsreaders where I went around the table Jeremy was opposite me and so let's start with you Joe how would you improve the BBC and I said sac Jeremy class then I came back and said no I ban all jokes about tampons which have you up again are you good you're good now no we're fine oh good and Shannon you you I think we've meet you feud free you're not shooting with anyone at the moment you have no beef no no no only positive energy into the universe very good scary luisina not feeling the positive energy Lucas was the Gago is the last one that's what better the Gaga oh don't I like my gardener yeah gah gah no she's lovely and there are you getting on again with Simon now that's all good but I've never seen him so it's fine and then Colin Farrell you're just Zen now you just calm lovely Colin no no yes he place that listen there's a lot to talk about tonight so you've got movie book DVD but we begin dalian with Joe Brown who ladies and gentlemen is our first and possibly only official panto guest yes [Applause] it is Aladdin weirdly I'm not Aladdin who you I am the genie of the ring cue many jokes about sphincters did they make you need the ring just to make jokes about Reno there is a genie of the ring in Aladdin and a genie of the lamp apparently there are two genies I didn't even realize that that who else is in it that is that flawless down the end there yeah flawless right you were flawless a bit lukewarm pressure to put yourself under to call yourselves follow the story of Aladdin were they playing the dad well wait for this they're playing the Peking police force [Music] I know really [Music] yeah can we get tickets this is exactly why I came it's in Wimbledon from the 6th of December 12th of January Wow now the role you play the last time this production was done it was played by Pamela Anderson yeah who bases a lot of her act or miracle in her costume is you in your costume and are you singing and dancing after a fashion one of those factors where you do pop songs or do you do traditional Patra sauce we do actually we do a mixture of pop songs and traditional songs so what are you doing what are you giving us I'm not giving a pop song or a traditional song I'm just at one point I go if I were not upon the stage something else I'd rather be if I were not upon the stage a pole dancer I'd be that was my suggestion they vetoed it no because of children Ganga woman doesn't really look like a pole and how does the rest of the couch feel about Panthers coach Jeremy three kids have you dragged them - no every year - this is where I live in Chipping Norton is an amazing theater there and they put on a fantastic band - every year but we were discussing it at work the other day the top gear because Richard Hammond is the sort of person who you know he's going to end up as buttons in the Swindon driver you just yes there but he is going there ultimately actually talking being in panto Sharon Osbourne you have given that I did tremendous work on the story as a child you did it was it was Richard you were in pounder with Cliff Richard a young Frank I feel oh wow yes what were you well I was magnificent as a pigeon at the Palladium yes yeah Wow yeah and call him cuz you trained at the Getty so you even those gayety pantos no I don't think they're affiliated the school in there no I never got the call for panto not yet but christmas is coming up so that's true working girls crossed Rajjo sphincter thism meant Joe's ring yeah Joe's way Victor yeah I have a slot free tonight I could be allowed in with you beanstalk Oh leave it or leave it hey uh we must be I heard it's more of a salami I'm not interested but you're bloody boring yeah [Music] I'm shutting this down Joe Joe rad we must celebrate the fabulous getting on which is now it's in America it is slightly up the glamour wait what were you worrying designed by Hollywood agents and things no I didn't go to I couldn't go over there know what they're making your show in America you didn't go that's right check and come well I think what checkout on by a post what have you ever been to America no you've never been to America nodes fun is that illegal no so ignorant oh I am Colin that's why people like me in the world that I'd rather go than America all all of them soon country in the world with the best in America Burma and the Ukraine which are no billion times better than us now talking about talking about team at Colin Farrell yes Farrell yes you have acted with some amazing people over the years couple of times and uh but even when you were young you seemed very intimidated there's a story about you working with Bruce Willis and you were quite like to his face but that was intimidation finding a very loud voice okay yeah so a bit cheeky with him what was it you were doing a seat was a courtroom scene oh yeah when he when he had a trouble with that word yes he was playing the trial judge advocate and I was playing a defense for the accused and at one stage I stood up and with great overacting zeal said objection your honor and he looked at me and he went line and it was and I heard from the monitor the script supervisor go overruled overruled just weird we were good pals we were doing I said some that say I said you better go home get an early night because you have a word to learn for tomorrow she responded you Irish better news you're a new film saving mr. banks it opens tonight across the country and there's some great people in it we spoke to Emma Thompson about it last week of the MEA her sonar yeah she's gorgeous but what's odd is it's like you're in a different when you are in a different film yeah you play her father I play her father in flashback yeah so there we shut it all in two weeks and the scenes are intermittently dropped her at the story as her upbringing is beginning to come to kind of the forever of her memory because PL Chavez who wrote baby Poppins yeah I think we all just assumed she was born in Britain the ED know she was born in Australia I think in maybe 1898 and something like that and she had a fairly traumatic upbringing I believe and when she was 20 she left Australian she completely redesigned herself and very much became the quintessential British woman of Education and of class and dignity and as designed by herself and in the film I think identity because it's a Disney movie and you're not the greatest dad in the world in the film not really no but the film doesn't go to judge him you're not the villain of the piece no no he's just a raging alcoholic who who really can't get his life together and suffers from an awful affliction of melancholy and self-pity which is not foreign to alcoholics I believe oh yeah so but but there's no you know there's no good guy bad guy in this one really he's just uh it was kind of sad part of the story it is about a bull also it's kind of where the Mary Poppins story come absolutely because she what she did basically would and what a lot of artists do I imagine whether they're painting or rating are writing music or whatever it may be is you know you channel every experience in your life into your work in various ways and what I think she did P L Travers with Mary Poppins was she gave the children in that book a chance with her father that she never had basically and I think that's why she was so protective of the Mary Poppins material she never once of all T's need to put his american saccharine hands and you know commercially-driven fingerprints all over she resisted for twenty years he tried together to sign over the road what is we've got a little kid this is you as Travers golf her father and it sort of before we know is starkness and it's you trying to make the best of a bad lot and and start again cool everybody ready yes Caesar in Katy Nanna take your lob all right everybody ready walking bus left right right miss I thank you [Music] left left right left and 1 2 3 new town new job new bank new life come on my little ducklings it's a really and now you bought your own dude invoice now and you're trying to get them into Disney uh into the park well if and of course when we were 82 no I get the films yeah we had a backlog yeah push picks out to the side forbidden going back into lady in the 101 Dalmatians from Tokyo and jungle book and all that jazz but they liking them loving it yeah yeah my little fellow Henry counts up saying and we as I am easy so they seem to be enjoying it I'd love the peeking police bed loving Christian in your book in terms of parenting mistakes there is a brilliant photograph where you left aussi holding the baby oh is that Jack actually it is yes he looks terrified is it like even even the baby knows this isn't nice - baby no I mean there were times children's parties I I'm going to the ladies room come out I hear all this screaming and Ozzy had rammed about 15 kids into the garden shed doing that face and that was him entertaining the children and Jeremy dad of three and it's like for me are you like a really embarrassing father only when I speak all be in the same room yeah I mean and you imagine how awful it would be as a wake up now I was your father because you're your eldest girl is she 18 now nine to nineteen so there must be gentlemen callers this gentleman caller is a current very strong gentleman caller who is he's from Dublin so he's it's this is how I spent the day with him so it's like yes they love him yeah exactly yeah David's and she's loved up so she's very happy and are you very happy or is that weird no eat well cause it's weird because you know she was in a pram eight minutes ago and now she's boyfriend but he's but the thing is is I'm supposed to hate him I mean I always said he'd bring you can even bring anyone you like home long as they don't have a motorcycle is it that one motorcyclist was simply set fire to it and if he goes and buys another one I simply set fire to that care what they do but they're not going on motorcycles that was just the the bare bones really he just never knows he doesn't drive he hasn't got a clue who I am he's an abandoned he's tremendous you know I'm very happy to go there they're really a sweet couple so it's been don't you find it work said it is that person makes them happy then you're happy exactly and she is plainly very happy when these around so you know that's tremendous news and the others are just normal kids which is good no I'm really I've come just adore my children as everybody in the world does why dancer yeah if you got first room yeah alright yeah - oh you were relatively old got my bomb weren't you I was 43 when I had my first child yes and what are some what not embarrassing incidents with moments well you're quite a few times I wasn't actually taken to be their mother but a slightly older relative we took my daughter um Eliza when she was about six she hurt Ryan we took her to A&E with a friend of mine came through on holiday and the this junior doctor came in and young sort of Australian guy and started explaining everything to my friend and then he turned to me any went on waters an N think presently Nan thought it was a Wow that happens a lot now that regularly : you're not just a very sponsible dad now you're also very into the fitness is it yoga you're mad on now yeah mad on it what it I know I came in here and look for a mass every day yeah every pro yeah for an hour do you do it by yourself into someone tell you what to do I do someone tells me what to do tells me in a group grew their group of people strangers in a room is it embarrassing I know okay not when I've done the things I've done that I hire even better this luncheon Jenna yeah oh you saw that yeah several times but the worst thing about making a sex tape is that you can't blame anyone for the bad dialog [Applause] no you brought that up reviews the salami thing has greater I saw it all well listen Helga yeah yoga yeah yoga positions [Applause] so here's the thing kids in terms of fitness I don't know if our la contingent are aware this man he's called Craig Ramsay do you know Craig Ramsay he's come up with these basically in our busy lifestyle see they say the silence there was absolute silence after you said his name he was yeah yeah judo so I'll tell you so an e is based on fitness experts and he's come up with all these workouts you can do in five minutes and there's no matter what you're doing so for instance in the office you can workout but these are just ways I use a printer when you can create vine left in front left behind left in front [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] sit manicure pedicure nice finishing up with grace and stuff oh one even in the car wash give it in the car while you're detailing that car these are the five light touches this is the motor remember it's important interval and exterior brilliant I just wondered as he got a nap so anyway we've been in touch with them to see if there were any easy exercises we could do in a chat show formation I just have a bit wired it might have a stroke in case I die on television I love my husband I love my kids and goodbye aneurysm just thinking about you can get a refund for the Wimbledon theatre [Applause] right now our Grammys on skype now I think Oh what are you seeing hello hi hello Graham hi [Applause] your exercises so far now have you come up with ones that we can do on the show without people noticing just just quickly well let me explain the exercise I'm going to give you today okay can any Wells not hear him we can all hear him you have had a stroke Dumon exercise for the couch craig absolutely what a fit and fabulous bunch all right let's bring our booty to the front of that couch yet no I'm doing G watch Aaron lean back a little bit hold on for dear life yeah up those legs oh yeah hi [Applause] my good girl and my naughty girl are you're a naughty girl man this is rough you know you haven't been to America yeah thank you very much it's right now China's gonna say you do look amazing you do you look fabulous thank you but now you're have you been very good coming and saying that it you know you've had a bit of help along the way oh darling a lot yes I can but it's been good whatever you've had done it's good you know it's worked yes yes I have yeah we wanna mean sometimes people look terrible but you don't have to oh really what's the worst procedure what was the most painful procedure having my vagina tight [Applause] oh it was just what Wow what about until you look at the face it look what's about in town [Applause] what eagerness shard it's only fair my vagina tightened I did it myself at home with the singer sewing machine the surgery Sharon has managed to write a book oh well I did it while I was recuperating because you can't move you see not sure why no now so I read oh this is your life since 2007 oh not that much could have happened oh my god so much has happened 2007 you packed it in in the time now before we talk about it could be just took you and Ozzie you're fine now yes it's all good now yes which is great I'm so pleased because you know Sharon and Ozzy they've been on the show you've talked about your marriage and my god has been tumultuous you know but it's been a long time when you've known someone 40 years and then been with them 33 a lot happens in everyone's life over a period you tried to run him over please but all these things have happened and any car remember it she's got a vagina tight cause I mean I'm not sorry yes so what amazed me is that so you've been through all that you got through all this stuff and then I under our I know it all fell apart yeah and what was it just that he'd relapse that you just couldn't yeah he'd relapsed and he was it was the combination again of the drugs and the drink and it was like no not again I'm I've got ten minutes left and I'm gonna spend it like this you know he moved out you moved I mean it was over yeah I moved out yeah I moved out and then how did you come back together again because he it was down to him and he did what he was supposed to do which is work a 12-step program and stay clean and sober and that's what he does and so therefore when you when you're using you know you don't know what you're doing you become a monster and he stopped because he realized what he was gonna lose not just me but everything he would have lost so I've seen the two of you together I cannot imagine Ozzy without you do you know he says we like bread and butter and that's what we are we fit together so perfectly where was one where a team is forty years it's like and I the hardest thing I ever had to do was to walk away but I knew if I stayed it would have carried on he would have stayed clean maybe a week too and then it would have stole she's out all right she's out she'll never know I've just drunk her bottle of vodka she won't know like that's how it goes when did you sell all his cars when did that happen when I found out that he was driving drunk and I just sold every car he had because because it's not him everybody out so as soon as I heard that it was like right nobody has a car get him you know pair of rollerskates yeah let him get up back well I think everyone's just delighted that you are back together you're right you do seem to you know you're good together we like you together and you seem to have mellowed like we don't your stories about like the Tiffany boxes being sensitive you know you just you just get past all of that do analyze assess it did they have poo in them yes really yes they did oh my god yes I'd say I was like these were things if Sharon didn't like you then you would get a Tiffany box and of course you'd have to open gym even if it's stank you'd have to open it open it Tiffany box you you do that white satin ribbon you open it up and there's one of Jack's turds it was British used to say to me mommy why do you make me pull in a box just like behave Jack keep the homespun wisdom TVs television has changed hasn't it Dalton you're not shy with an opinion as it I mean how badly has it backfired how bad of reactions being oh shah King when I had to punch Piers Morgan I broke my finger of him did you really look love like that bitter broken finger on Piers Morgan [Music] I just come off call my bluff you can't be more sober than that you know doing dictionary words walketh what's Piers Morgan he is just a waste of blood and organs that man say hey then but no my best was I got pied oh yes she knew we have you ever had a custard pie on you for it was no I turned to her when she got me I was a bloody good shot but she put too much sugar in it it was a banoffee pie so I thought that was quite kind I've quite like that exactly yes man she didn't like me but the last note as you haven't even better bunch of environmentalists recently who threw horse crap all over my garden gate into my rose bed as a protest is it thanks a lot you've made my roses fantastic and drive my Range Rover around a bit morning being environmentalist they might have known that and exactly and then shoving a rather delicious if slightly over should would custard pie my face so yes I spend most of my life being beaten up it's a traditional edit element it is Christmas and sure enough there's a new Top Gear DVD in the shop doesn't leave us believable people it's a surprise for everybody perfect road trip yeah what's what's the idea this year well we were in coming up with a we were on a mountainside in the Himalayas cold miserable and sleeping in a tent where my pillow was full of wet gravel hora we jokingly said wouldn't it be good fun one day to drive from Venice to somewhere in the South of France in Nice cars of stay in great hotels and then we did and that's it so there's no suffering in it as such well a bit because I was made to go wrong you've done rally driving I have to manage an imaginable horror actually we've got a terrifying got a clip we've got a clip of you to the right so it's all lovely it's all very sunshine palm trees gorgeous but you do get the France and the weather turns yeah Hammond do I have to do this it's my thing today and this is what we're doing and so to show what a good sport I am I obliged [Music] dots Oh so discomfort horrible danger is very cold slithering around at 21 miles an hour [Music] I've just had a brown shower that really was the final straw I guess it isn't insulin we can do that as a witch could you do it I'm not saying your witch Bob jr. bloody witch could I do what naughty driving when you did it yeah I mean I just saw my International Rally driving license hey I have yeah we've got a picture of you rally driving actually here we go yeah tentative Joe when you're behind the wheel do you suffer from road rage uh yeah don't you know you do Jeremy no never you tweet about it no well I just put them on Twitter I put their number plates on Twitter Oh who was the cab driver you had what did you have Wood Road well I was getting a cab back from a gig in Hackney and we were sat at the traffic lights and this car hit us up the arse and then just drove off cuz that's how it works in Hackney apparently the cab driver turned to me and just he said the words that I've been wanting to hear my whole life he went do you mine did we chase him love love and we went on a car chase in Hackney for half of that really really fast Oh wrong way at one-way streets absolutely brilliant and then sadly we lost this carnie goes I love to drive you back to South London 150 quid that cab go in fact of music before we hear the speak stories in the big red chair performing their latest single after life from the international number-one album a reflector ladies gentlemen it is okay fire [Applause] [Music] [Music] laughter [Music] after all the handsome afternoon [Music] [Music] took us all what happens next justic Lucy you a shallow sea could you see me after all this time we used to know and after all [Music] laughter glue [Music] just one [Applause] [Music] this tonight [Music] do it [Music] [Music] she [Music] [Applause] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Applause] sir Thank you very shut up I'm right at win-win and we'll try yes winning will Butler very good congratulations a new single often you have a Perfector which is done so well it's number one everywhere yeah yeah well done you hats off now you are the representatives of orchid farm yeah we're there no scent it's kind of like weed land on foreign shores you send the representatives to peace the natives - yeah I think Sharon's our leader okay yeah I'm designating you so ni in doing some gigs here you were in Blackpool William black yes yeah all the hotspots yeah oh yeah nothing made a fake tower in Paris it looks just like the one in Blackpool it's crazy beautiful now I love Arcade Fire's you put on a show so many bands don't bother and look at you you dressed up your big paint your face and everything I can I did this I can sleep during interview sir tips tips you should have learned everyone anyway thank you very much for coming yeah thank you for having it on your banding it sounded great thank you now before we go tonight just time for a story in the red chair so at who be there oh hi stretch it all fine now what's your name lettuce there's nothing I mean it you changes JQ so lose who's next now that we've lost the letters the letters [Music] just a bit hello hi what's your name Nathan Nathan that's fine how do you do Nathan our sales oh do what you sell I sell holidays ah ah so you're like a travel agent [Music] thanks for detailing of the story care Nathan okay well I'm quite a big Clarkson financially so basically I like going out for drives yes and one day I just thought well would be nice to go to a Cotswolds and I went to Clarkson's house and just drove up and down a few times trying to see him and I didn't [Music] it is annoying and people do it to you these throw horseshit into my god go back on the chariot move next with it we've got Sheila hello Sheila hi how are you I'm very well thank you very good and what do you do Sheila I'm a health promotion officer Oh so many interesting jobs to those I get you doing exercise like you were talking about oh really yeah could be seen in there can we see your naughty girl I will be very saucy manner right Sheila she loves your name and also go with your tail okay one of your guests invited my daughter to a Halloween party and shoot about 13 so you have this vision of apple bobbing and spiders so off we go and the security guards and dogs and big black hands blown up 10-foot either side of the front door and you go in the house as all ghouls and ghosts and my daughter by this time is terrified where's the apple bobbing and then vision cue the music and out of the ghouls and monsters comes a nun does anybody recognize that you said Sharon Osbourne oh yeah is another stalker yes to a party because I kids were at school together it's one we're playing together oh well done even it was dull thank you to my guests tonight Arcade Fire ladies and gentlemen [Music] [Applause] legend secret sir composer Android whether comedian Harry Hill bake-off Queen Mary berry and homegrown movie star Daniel Radcliffe I'll see you then goodbye [Applause] [Music]

Channel: 1128darkstar

Views: 875,204

Keywords:

Id: 9Wv29dIszZM

Length: 43min 56sec (2636 seconds)

Published: Sun Dec 01 2013