So here we are in the *Control Room*, and we're gonna watch Bye Bye man... ...Again. ...for the third time. So a good horror movie always sets the tone with the first scene of the film. They usually try to do something creative with it. Build up this layer of mystery, ya know? Who's on the phone?? Whose perspective are we following here? What is she running away from? Some great examples are of course Halloween, It Follows, Scream They do a great job setting the tone for the whole movie. In many ways these little sequences are better than the actual movie. It's just this nice little creepy short. It makes you go, "Oh, man. I wonder what's going to happen next!" The Bye-Bye man tries to do this and well... Oh God. Oh My God, this is so overexposed. So for those of you who don't know what "overexposed" means: Basically underexposed is *this*. You can't see shit. But overexposed is *this*, where the image is so bright, you can't make out anything. Um, the house in this film *Loud Inhale* is overexposed. Here's what makes this scene SO COOL. Is that it's ALL ONE TAKE. This whole sequence goes on in one take, isn't that amazing? NOPE. You need to make... ...A good scene that's one take. You can't just have this bad, poorly-made scene and go, "Let's do it in one take!" "And it will be cool." Because it just comes out like shit. Having one take isn't cool. Having one take where everything pretty much goes off perfectly is cool. And to do that, you need a lot of money and a lot of time and a lot of really talented people. "These scenes are all... Incredibly choreographed." "What we should do first is... Do a mock-up of the camera, move very quickly." "Yep." "So we start rehearsing and we know where to go." ...None of which this film has. "And the Bye Bye Man will know what scares YOU... And he will make YOU see it." "And that's even worse. It's not just like, 'Oh, the car's gonna hit me.'" "What's really gonna scare YOU personally?" Would this scene have been better if it wasn't one take? Probably. We would've had a nice, exposed shot of this house. We could've gotten better takes from the actors. "...Open up!" "Did you tell anyone?" "...Did I...? ??? "About the name. The name." We could've cut away from the violence instead of showing it, and its unrealistic... You know, CGI blood. The acting is SO bad. And there's no tone. Is this supposed to be scary??? Is this supposed to be funny? "Rick, THE NAME." ((Rick sobbing uncontrollably)) "Did you tell anyone? ANYONE?" "Please, please, I--" The whole scene, too, it feels like everyone is just waiting for their cue. There's no rhythm or smoothness to it. He, like, holds at the door for two seconds. Just cause they're trying to get like the squib ready. I think they only did one take of this, honestly. They were like, "Okay, we're gonna blow up this door. This is the only door we have, so you better get it right the first try. Otherwise..." "...Uh." "...Uh, We're fucked." I don't hate CGI blood, because certain directors make it look good. BUT, most movies, it looks like... There's that blood splatter on the wall that wasn't there, like... Before. You couldn't even color-correct the movie to make it look creepy? Make the blacks darker? "I'm scared of heights. Which is to say, falling." "Okay." "I'm scared of terrible things happening." "...Well." So after that horrible sequence, we get a train, and it says, "The Bye Bye Man." This train has nothing to do with anything. And then we get our three college kids. These are our main characters. Token Black Guy, Dane DeHaan-- Oh, that's not Dane DeHaan? I couldn't tell. And a girl who CLEARLY isn't British. "Tonight, you thought the house was empty when we were here." "You went away, Elliott." That doesn't sound like a British person trying to do an American accent at all. "I've definitely seen bigger." "See? I can't believe they gave her lines to say. How did she get hired? Oh, listen to this ADR, too: "It's only twenty minutes. This is the first time he's rented the place." "The guy says it's fantastic." "What else would he say, it's a doghouse?" "John, I'm trying to convince her. Let's go, come on, man, work with me." Wow, they crammed in so much exposition. That's quite impressive, actually. So here's a question: Why didn't the movie start here? I mean, they're in the house, we're introduced to the three of them. We didn't need this stupid scene that was like, unintentionally funny. "...Don't say it, don't think it. Don't say it, don't think it." And then we just have literally this one shot of them on a college campus. You could've just started the movie with them going into the house and then mention how they go to college. And there're just... Three people living there? A couple, and then this random black guy? Like, why doesn't this black guy have a girlfriend? Or boyfriend? Meanwhile, this crackhead has one. "Well... The landlord said it was fully-furnished." Have these people never seen this house? They're going to college, right? The semester started. Who the fuck just moves into a house without seeing it? Why is this here? And now we get the character development scenes. *Large inhale* "Hey, he made me look smart, and I made him look ugly." "But after the crash, he took care of me." "Talk shit about my boy's folks? You're done. Do friends ever just talk like, "Hey remember the time I saved you from--" *Overlapping voices* "Hey, he made me look smart, and I made him look ugly." "But after the crash, he took care of me." No one does that! Now we're gonna enter the creepy basement that's creepy for no reason. "Yo, ALL the dishes in here? They're white." "Just saying." Alright... ...the dishes are white. Would you have preferred black dishes? Brown dishes? Most people just have white dishes. Even if you own other kinds of dishes that are like, brown and black-- which I do have as well-- or they're like... red. I still own white dishes. Who doesn't own white dishes? "I see she approves, huh?" Okay, we haven't talked about this girl that much so far because she hasn't really had a chance to shine yet. Here we go ladies and gentlemen, the worst actress in the movie. Oh shit, she's going in the black crawlspace. Why is she in there? Why did it make a noise? Why is there a crawlspace in this room? Because we're in a horror movie, guys, and you gotta have things like that to be scary. *DOOR SLAM x2* "I really love the story, um..." "I... I really... I think the characters were really likable." *DOOR SLAM* "I really liked her strength... And her vulnerability." "And the fact that she comes into the house, and she feels something straight away." "And... I think, all along, knows that there's something... Wrong. Um..." (???) "I think it's... It's seen as a horror film, and it's scary... I hope it will be scary." The rest of the movie. So basically every scene after those first two scenes are just as bad as those two scenes. "Hi, uncle Elliott!" YES! Kid actors! Kid actors are always good in movies. I hope this one is just exceptional. "Daddy... You know I can't read in the dark." "What do you think I am, a flashlight?" YES! She's an... excellent actress! SO FUCKING GOOD. "I'm not the heaviest! Or the oldest!" "Dad's the oldest, and he's the heaviest." Why is this fucking four-year-old at this party? There's people drinking, there's college students, there's loud music. They're probably playing Kanye West and all kinds of shit where they're constantly saying the n-word. And yet this four-year-old's walking around, in a dress. "She's just gonna burn some sage, and you are gonna be nice." This is so bad and stupid. "John, do you think this house is creepy?" "Hmm." "Yeah." "I don't, but I'm not a girl--" What was that sound effect? "Yeah." What was that??? "Yeah." I didn't even notice that the first two times I saw it. I JUST noticed that now. And of course this little girl's all alone, she goes through the entire house trying to find something, and she almost gets killed by the Bye Bye Man. Oh shit, what is that? Imagine these filmmakers, and they're making that scene, and they're going, "Oh man, when the audience sees that, they're gonna FLIP OUT." But we're not. We're going to go, "That looks like shit. What is that?" "I think that I'm very interested in the emotion, and I'm very, very... You know, we rehearse..." "I spend a lot of time getting everyone to performance level before we get to the set, and I'm extremely detail-oriented." "You know, women have to balance a lot of stuff. Well, it's like, directing, it's just a natural job for us. For me. I, uh..." You suck at making movies. Okay? This shot sucks. Her acting sucks. This scene sucks. The fucking lighting in this scene sucks. Everything about this scene sucks. Why is there a lamp over there on top of the dog's head? Who put that there? Why is that there? What is that coat hanging on the wall? That's only there so the audience goes, "Oh my God is that the Bye Bye Man???" What sense does it make for that coat to be there? Does the guy just have this giant grim reaper coat he brings along with him? "Hey, here's my Grim Reaper coat I'm never going to wear ever." "I'm gonna put it right here," "So that when I wake up in the middle of the night," "When I have a nightmare about something," "I can just look at that wall, see that creepy fucking grim reaper coat, and be slightly startled for a second." "And God forbid we're in a movie." "If the audience member was to see that, they'd think for a second that there was a serial killer here." Jesus, this girl with her fucking fedora. "Don't think it, don't say it." W H O A. That wasn't even the least bit scary. If I saw that writing, and then ripped that off, and I saw 'The Bye Bye Man', I would laugh out loud. "Hey, hey not-British girlfriend, look at this, this is pretty funny." 'The Bye Bye Man.' Like I'm supposed to be scared. The Bye Bye Man. They called their movie 'The Bye Bye Man', and they expected me to be scared. And then fucking Indiana Jones comes down, doing some ritual out of Temple of Doom. We have a psychic character now, as if this movie wasn't full of cliches already. Now we have the goth girl who has some paranormal abilities. "Something's coming." "What?" "They're saying..." Oh, she's so bad, too. "Don't think it..." "Don't say it." "Don't say it, don't think it." "Don't say it, don't think it, don't say it, don't think it, don't say it, don't think it, don't say it," "Don't think it, don't say it, don't think it, don't say it, don't think it, don't say it, don't think it." "Don't say, don't think what?" "The Bye Bye Man." Man, that was so scary. No, it wasn't. "Your grandmother has some... Biscuits, or rolls or something." "Gam's rolls?" Why didn't you just play a British character? You're clearly British! "It's like now that I know his name..." "...He's coming for me." What fucking American talks like that? "We could try again." So what does the Bye Bye Man do? He makes you hallucinate and see maggots, and he keeps you from having sex. "These things happen, right?" "Actually...not to me they don't." So, just anyone who hears the name? That's what he does? ...Okay. "Dude, check this out." "It was Colin, or one of those douches from last night." It looks like a fucking bear did that. Your-- Just your friends did it? "I heard something after the party outside, scratching." "What do you mean, you heard something?" Great dialogue. "What do you mean, heard something?" He means he heard something. He doesn't know what, he means he heard something. So why don't you take him seriously, you dick? No one listens to anyone in this movie. Everyone's just an asshole for no reason. "The girl's gross, man." Come on, man, that's not cool. Don't say that." Don't say that, don't think that. "Come on." ??? "Fuck him." So we're 35 minutes into this movie, and there's nothing scary so far, and I'm not sure what's supposed to be happening. There isn't a plot. Oh my God, what is this? That effect is so bad. They like, distorted the image. They did this, basically. Oh, I love these bad Google knock-offs. SEARCH. Hold on everyone, I'm going on Search to search. And why is he at the library doing this shit? He doesn't have a laptop at home? "Me and my friends are renting your place out in Sun Prairie. 37 Oakdale?" "Oh, yeah, the two handsome guys. Are you with them?" "You have a weird house, Mr. Daizy." What is this dialogue? "It's awful." Yeah, kid, scratch out all the 'Bye Bye Mans'. Like that works. I clearly can't see that says "Bye Bye Man." "What are you doing, boy?" "Are you out of your mind?" "I, um..." "What is wrong with you, Elliott?" Oh my God. "--Think you write it, and repeat it, to try and keep from saying--" "--The Bye Bye Man." "Okay, but why is that in the dead files?" Miss Watkins is her name. And she's...Great. "Well, obviously, he was bat-shit crazy." ...Oh my God. "And Larry Redman, the writer?" "He was pretty infamous locally. After he killed this piece about the kid in Deerfield," "Larry Redman took a shotgun and murdered eight friends and family members right here in Madison." This is a message to everyone making a film. Everyone involved in the entertainment industry. Stop using this fucking violin. It's this stock sound effect and I hear it in everything. EVERYTHING. It's in Game of Thrones, It's in every action movie. It's in this ten times. STOP. USING IT. And I paused this scene, too, because I wanted to make sure it was them. Of course it's not. Like, look at these people. She doesn't even look like a woman. She looks like some guy in a wig. He looks like he's like 40, and then the black guy's like, bald. So they cut back to this guy who kills those women, And then the Bye Bye Man's about to kill him, but he kills himself instead. He drinks Drain-O. Yeah. That's realistic. Why not just slit your throat or hang yourself? Or just get another shotgun bullet? JUMPSCARE! These two start talking again, I don't know why. They talk about how the Bye Bye Man could... Create delusions? "You see things that aren't there." "You don't see things that are there." "Or hear things." "Like a coin rolling." "Yeah." "Stop!" "Let me help you!" "No, Kim! There's a train! A real train!" "NOOOO" ...Can we see that again? "NOOOO" Okay, one more time. "NOOOO" Now just an endless loop. NO NOO NOOO NOOOO It's a delusion, you idiot. "No, Kim! There's a train! A real train!" If he said that to me, I would stop running. "KIIIIM! Move, he's in your head!" You know, maybe she didn't know that the Bye Bye Man could make delusions. Oh wait, no, she did know that. BECAUSE SHE'S THE FUCKING ONE WHO TOLD HIM. Fuck me. What the FUCK is this??? And this scene leads into this scene, which I think is actually the best scene in the movie. This scene in and of itself isn't that bad. I think the acting here is kind of strong. Certainly better than this: "Even the idea of it's gone." "Maybe somebody wanted to make this Bye Bye Man disappear permanently, and you've got the last record of it right there." I like the girl from the Matrix. She's good in this. Scene, anyway, not the whole movie, but she's good in the scene. And I think this guy... Proves that he can be a competent actor if given the right dialogue and direction. He's a Dane DeHaan look-alike, but I don't think he's a terrible actor. I think he's just, you know, "ShOoT mE nOWwW" in a bad movie. Why didn't you burn the drawer? You take something that could do real harm to people, and you throw it out in the woods. Like the kids at the end of Jumanji who, instead of burning the fucking thing, throw it in the river. Someone else will find it, dummy. You didn't even throw it that far. How far can you throw it, possibly? Twenty, thirty feet. TOPS. Burn the drawer, burn the house down, Burn that fucking coat, burn Miss Watkins, kill your friends then kill yourself and fuck off. THIS ISN'T A MOVIE. The girl thinks that her boyfriend is there... And the black guy thinks that... The girl is actually...the other girl who got run over? "Come on." "HELL NO" "Please??" And... They fight, I guess? And then Dane DeHaan comes in after talking to... uh... Faye Dunaway. "How did you survive all this time?" "Survive?" "Yes." "How did you beat it?" "I didn't beat it. I never knew it." "What?" "If my husband told me the name, he'd have had to kill me with the rest. My husband controlled himself." You know, Faye Dunaway doesn't have to worry about the Bye Bye Man. Even if he were to write down the name and give it to her, she'd probably read it wrong. La La Land. And then meanwhile in the background, uh, Miss Watkins killed her family or something? "I've been having some really strange thoughts about that Bye Bye Man since we talked." Oh, Miss Watkins, she has that coat too! Of course she does. Why wouldn't she. Everyone has a grim reaper coat in their own fucking house. And then as Elliott's heading home to go see his girlfriend and the black guy, he...This happens. "You're not real." "Ha, I knew it." Then he gets to the house, um... He kills his girlfriend, cause he thinks that... The Bye Bye Man made him think that the girl was actually the guy... But turns out the black guy was actually the girl, he just swapped their places. Then the dog shows up, and it looks like Playstation game, and then we get... Rock music? Sounds like something from Goosebumps, the TV show? And then, turns out Doug Jones is actually the Bye Bye Man? "--Director Stacy Title and writer John Penner were... would love to have me involved in the Bye Bye Man." "Like any film, it all starts with a script, I think." "And when I read the script for this, this one had so much psychological..." "...Layers to it. So many layers to it that..." "Larry, I don't know what's happened, but I'm trying--" "He listens for his name." "Anyone could say it...It could be you, or it could be me, and..." "It's just dumb luck, like the flip of a coin." "It kept my mind active while reading it." "Um... And hopefully it will keep the audience's mind active while watching it." People saw this in a theater, and were like, "Oh, that was good. That was fun. This is a good horror movie." Look, I'm going on Rotten Tomatoes right now. I want to see what MORONS said this was a good movie. I usually don't care about other people's opinions. Like, if they don't like a movie, that's fine. You have the right to your opinion. If they like a movie I didn't like, I can go like, "You know what, you liked it, you saw things in it I didn't like." I don't get mad over people's opinions, but with this movie I do. 23% is too high. That's TOO HIGH. 0% is too high. Let's see what the positive reviews are. "A waste of time that, given its end and taking into account its economic results, is very likely to have a continuation." That's not a good review. "A political pertinency???" ?????? The concept of the movie doesn't make any sense! He wants to kill people but at the same time, He needs to keep people alive because if he does they will spread his name more, And he'll get to kill more people, and the only way to stop him is to kill yourself. So he doesn't make any sense... What political pertinency does this have????? John... Beifuss??? YOU CAN SUCK MY BALLS. "Creepy atmosphere?" What was creepy, the over exposed opening shot with the terrible acting? How about the bad extra who went "NOOOO" "You'll find yourself shuddering at the slam of every door and screaming at every sight of a corpse-pale face and gnarled hand." I didn't-- I'm screaming. I'M SCREAMING, ALRIGHT. "Three teens try to outsmart the bogeyman in this formulaic but well-executed--" WELL-EXECUTED???? What was well-executed??? I hope YOU get fucking executed. How much did they pay you to give this movie a good review, you WHORE?? Cliches. Now, I understand horror movies have a certain amount of, you know, predictable elements. But there is a difference between a horror movie cliche and a horror movie covention. A convention in and of itself is not a bad thing. It's just something you have to accept that is just a part of the genre. A convention of superhero movies is that, at the end, the good guy and the bad guy fight. It's usually a fistfight or some kind of, you know, dialogue exchange. Or change in morals or something. Point is, they fight. That is a superhero movie convention. No one will complain that the good guy fights the bad guy at the end of the superhero movie. A superhero movie cliche is... There's either a big blue laser that's going to kill the whole planet or there's some kind of gas that's going to kill a city. That's a cliche. Horror movies are always going to have certain elements, like a dark tone... Some kind of house or something... A monster that has some supernatural elements to it... A killer that doesn't die...All of that is fine. Because those are just things that you have to accept in a horror movie. But then there's things that are just stupid, and cliche, and bad. I have a whole list of them. Jumpscares. Saying the name of a creature. Power goes out. Lights flicker. Ouija board slash seance that actually works. Moving into a house with a curse. Creature standing in the background for no reason. He doesn't even scare the guy in the scene. He's there just to make the audience go, "Oh my God it's the Bye Bye Man." College students. Goth chick. Token black guy. Talking to someone on the phone, but then figuring out you got something else to do and you say, "I've got to go," urgently. "You know what, listen, I've got to go." "There's something I gotta..." "I've got to deal with something." Random crawlspace that is there for no reason. Like in "Get Out." Going to the library to find out more about a villain. Whatever the character is reading, he says out loud. "District archive, dead file 69. Redman." Consulting an expert that knows everything about the villain for no reason. Fake movie Google. Orphanages. Has something to do with the background of the Bye Bye Man? He's from an orphanage. Or something. Spooky basement. Getting locked in the basement for no reason. Door closing behind someone. Writing on a wall. That's like... scary. Going out in the middle of the night to investigate a noise. Because real people do that, right? If I hear a noise outside, I don't just call the police or look out my window. I go outside with a flashlight and investigate it. Myself. With no weapons on me. That's what real people do. Authorities don't believe the kids. And the biggest cliche of all... THE VIOLIN. Hollywood likes to follow trends of course. They like copying horror movies that are successful. The thing is, though, they don't realize that what makes these films good is the fact that there are creative people behind them. "It Follows," as a concept itself is fine. But it's the way "It Follows" is made. It's the acting, it's the pacing, it's the way it's shot, It's the wonderful music that makes that movie so scary. Not the premise. If "It Follows" was done with the same level of competency as this horrible movie, it would be a bad movie. Needless to say, "The Bye Bye Man" was an awful movie. Made by people who didn't care. And for that reason, the movie did horribly. Just kidding. It did just fine. "The Bye Bye Man" made almost 27 million dollars worldwide, on a budget of 7.4 million. I'm aware Hollywood makes bad horror movies all the time, but this is a new low. This movie is so incredibly cheap and lazy and bad, just put together some boring piece of crap. But it has a few jump scares and a scary name...? Nevermind. And some scary images, and you can make a trailer out of it. Let's watch the trailer. "If you say his name..." "Or even think it..." "He'll come for you." So right away, there are two things. One: none of this is in the movie. It doesn't even look like "The Bye Bye Man." And two: it's clearly trying to rip off Slenderman. And remember that one good scene from the movie? That's like the focal point of this trailer. They don't show any of the other bad dialogue. They don't show Miss Watkins' acting. "It's like someone redacted the whole story, so no one else could read it." I mean, you can only make a trailer so scary when the villain's name is called The Bye Bye Man. But they throw in every trick. Silence and then a jump-scare, cuts to random, kind of disturbing images, Loud music, people yelling, and then we get this scene. This is the scene from the movie: "The Bye Bye Man." And then this is what they put in the trailer: "Tell me." "The Bye Bye Man." They like, CGI'd his eyes, but hey, it worked. Got a bunch of kids to go see it. "Oh, look, a horror movie. Let's go watch it, honey. We don't even have to watch it, we can just make out in the theater." And then they make 30 million dollars and no one cares. "With that-- with this and with the backstory, the Bye Bye Man, that just really interested me." "To his backstory and wanting to, you know." "This movie, uh..." "...Touches on his backstory which sounds tragic and sympathetic." "And if I'm going to play the bad guy in a movie, uh..." "...I really appreciate playing one that has a sympathetic origin." "Or that I can feel something for." And then there's some BS about how this movie was a true story? "What compelled me about the short story when I found it first," "Was that it was-- the author said--it was recounted from a friend," "That was based on true events that happened in 1990 in Wisconsin, and it's... The fact that this could be out there is just..." "That there's three people that conjured the Bye Bye Man, you know, and didn't want to?" "Unbelievable when you think about it." So apparently, the Bye Bye Man, this is a true story... "True story" in quotes. "The Bye Bye man is a blind albino hobo from Louisana who grew up in an orphanage in the early 1900's." "He tried to escape many times, finally getting away by stabbing one of the caretakers with a scissor." "He rode the rails across America, murdering people wherever he roamed." "The Bye Bye Man's traveling companion is a creature, some might call it a pet, made of sewn-together eyeballs and tongues," "All of them cut from his victims and initially carried around in his 'sack of gore'." "The sidekick, named Gloomsinger, is brought to life by some sort of dark magic, maybe voodoo." "If someone thinks about the Bye Bye Man, a psychic beacon reaches him, and that someone becomes a target." "...Closest thing to a logical motive being because they were gossiping about him." Is this a fucking joke, or what? Can people stop believing these nonsense ghost things? They're not true. No one has a dog named Gloomsinger, No random albino hobo named the Bye Bye Man is going around, riding a train, trying to kill people with some kind of psychic beacon. Just another marketing gimmick, like all the other ghost movies do, where it says, "This is based on a true story." It's as much a true story as "Inglorious Bastards" is a realistic, historical film. Not at all. So there we go ladies and gentlemen, the worst film of the year. I've seen straight-to-Netflix horror movies that I think are better than this. The fact that this was released in a theater is insulting. This movie... Just sucks. "The Bye Bye Man."
I don't think I've seen Ralph as angry as he is in this review
been waitin all year for a solid review of DA BYE BYE MAN. I literally fucking laughed when I saw the trailer and realized it wasn't a joke, and immediately said, "what kind of name for a horror movie is THE BYE-BYE MAN? WHAT ARE YOU, 5??"
thank you ralph. thank you. dies in peace
kill your friends, kill yourself then fuck off
What song is playing in the background around the 30 minute mark?