Very few things scared me as a kid. That's not me trying to be all tough. Just I don't have a lot of traumatic experiences when it comes to television shows or movies as a kid. Really... Only one sticks in my mind, in terms of being scary, and this shit Terrified me from when I was very young. Barney Barney the Dinosaur I'm not even exaggerating when I was younger I was terrified of Barney. I didn't think it was fun. I didn't think it was cute I just thought, "Holy shit this thing looks scary". I used to have nightmares about Barney. Whenever I slept over my grandmother's house Which when I was younger was often, I always had nightmares about Evil Barney. Now Evil Barney is the same as regular Barney except he has red eyes Evil Barney wanted to kill me in all of my dreams. Usually I was with my grandmother And we were in some kind of mall, it was white It was like a bright white mall, and we were trying to avoid Evil Barney. She didn't believe I was being chased by Evil Barney, but I knew Evil Barney was after us and He was going to kill my grandmother and me. I had many dreams about this, and it really fucked me up, too That's why I remember it. So I'm not joking when I say Even now, I'm still creeped out by Barney. Everything else had tried to scare me but I just found funny. I mean, I watched like Halloween when I was 10 and that scared me but that's not- like that's supposed to be scary But nothing traumatized me more than Barney There's other things there's like, um, 9/11, that traumatized me, too, but you know Barney is up there. So we're gonna revisit Barney today. Disclaimer: it probably isn't THAT scary another disclaimer I'm really going to make fun of Barney, and I know obviously Barney is not a high quality television program But we're going to make fun of it anyway just to be fun, okay? Like I had to make a childhood trauma video. I don't know what the fuck else to do Let's just watch Barney, who gives a fuck? I'm nervous. This is Barney: Four Seasons' Day. I don't know what the hell that means, but let's take a look "Goodbye Sarah..." That's a really good matte painting in the background See, I'm gonna be ripping this to shreds. I know it's Barney, but come on. Why are these guys friends? She's like 15, He's 12 This little fucker's like six and she's eight and needless to say the kids aren't very good at acting. "That sounds like thunder" "Maybe it's going to rain!" "But look! There aren't any clouds." "I think something funny's going on here..." "Hey! Look at dis!" *Children Muttering about some fuckin snowflake* Oh my fucking God that's so scary looking! look at this UGH This thing still creeps me out. I don't know what the fuck it is Maybe it's the- I think it's the eyes, mixed with it's like giant jaw OH FUCK *SATANICVOICESMAKETHEMSTAHP Oh my god... "This is... Four Seasons Day!!!!" "Barney I never heard of four seasons day before." MOARSATANICVOICESGAWD "Jeez it's right here in my calendar. Hmm, let's see uhh..." "I put it here somewhere. Oh here it is!" "Four Seasons Day... " "Spring..." *ding* "Summer..." *ding* "Fall..." *ding* (Right.) "And Winter" "Those four (*ding*) seasons make up a year." "This sounds like a mAgIc holiday" PFFHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA (*breath of reassurance*) I love all of the acting It's so just out of proportion too, look at it Look at his thighs are huge, and then you have his big fucking head, and his eyes are small and they're beady And they're like-they're constantly looking around and he's blinking It's really the eyes that make it just like stand out extra creepy. ♫ A joy is jumping(?) holiday, a day that's like no other of the yearrrr-- ♫ You just cut out the music and just leave him chomping *CHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMP* I'm not the only one who sees this, right? It's probably just me. Just Barney does this to me, of all things I watched all the Paranormal Activity movies Didn't scare me at all, thought they were boring as fuck, and then I get to Barney and I'm like genuinely creeped out. Aw Jesus... *weird ass barney noises* *very bad impersonation brought to you by Ralph Sepe* "What else happens in the spring?" "And some times in the spring..." *THUNDER NOISES* "It rains...." "Hey, it really is raining. We're going to get wet" This girl is not only the best actress, she's the best singer ♬ Little deeds of kindness, little words of love ♬ ♬ Little deeds of kindness, little words of love ♬ ♪ Come to make the sun shine ♪ ♩ Through the clouds of love ♩ I don't have anything to say cuz I'm just so creeped out by him "The sky is so blue it looks like it'll never rain again!" "Ohhuehue, it'll rain again someday, and it's a very good thing too. We NEED rain!" "That's right! All the growing trees and FLOWERS need rain." "And the animals that live outdoors need rain water to drink." all right smart-ass, if you know so much, why the fuck were you complaining earlier like "Oh, it looks like it's never going to rain again" And now you come out your facts and knowledge. You know so much, huh? Fuck this German Nazi looking fuck "If it never, EVER rained again..." "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH???????????????" "We'd have a really hard time getting clean!!!" *laughing* You fucking wash yourself in the rain?? ♪ If it never ever rain again, I do declare I couldn't wash my hair if it never ever- ♪ you don't have hair!! and he's teaching these kids to fucking wash themselves in the rain like "yeah, kids, just take off your clothes and run out into a parking lot and just get wet" you gotta wash yourself somehow You know but stops raining. You can still fucking take a shower right? Now Barney has glasses on, they don't even fit him "I wish we had some sunscreen lotion to protect our skin from the sun." "Ohuehue, no problem." "I got lots of sunscreen lotion right here!" *SPLOOGE* *SPLOOGE* *SPLOOGE* There's a there's a semen/sex joke in there somewhere "Get your arms and your legs, and don't forget your face, and your neck..." "And be really careful around your eye" "Ooohuehue, that's right" Um I don't know where but it's there definitely Oh my God this girl can dance too. What the fuck are the kids doing in the background too *Another bad impersonation brought to you by yours truly* Barney's just like in the Corner. Just fucking flippin it out like Fuckin kill these kids any fucking second now. No jus' gon' fuckin flip. So he goes through all the seasons: Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter Barney looks even creepier with snow on him So Barney also has a friend that is a composer "Would you like to meet him?" *bunch of whiny thots saying yeah* "Hokay then!" *fairy dust n' shit* "Hi, Barney" *COUGHCO-* What the fuck?!?! "Would you like to play the piano for my friends today?" "Sure Barney, should I play this one?" This guy looks really excited to be here as well. "Ohoho, this is a beautiful piano Barney." How does Barney know this guy? They probably met on Grindr "Pretty soon, I knew lots of different songs..." "Can you guess the names of these?" HAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHA Greg is great. I want to know what Gregg is doing right now. I hope he became a successful composer I mean he kind of looks like a fatter version of me, and during this whole thing Barney is again in the corner Just like doing this HUEHUE, can't wait to fuckin' kill them all, HUEHUE ♬ piano music in the style of Mary Had A Little Lamb ♬ "It that Little Bo-Peep?" "No, guess again." Oh my God you fuckin' idiot. It's Mary had a little lamb ♫ more piano music in the style of Mary Had A Little Lamb ♫ "Oh i knew it was about sheep! It's Mary had a little lamb!" BITCH, shut up and let him finish playing First she gives the wrong fucking answer and then she starts talking in the middle of him playing. That's it I want this girl off the set. She looks like a fucking female version of him. Thanks Greg Greg is really good at Piano. "I have some friends who would love to dance to that song" *more fairy dust n' shit* FUCKK What the FUCK!?! He just fuckin' pulled five kids out of his ass OH MY GOD!!! Where does he fuckin' keep these kids??? These kids can't even dance The little boy is the worst. HOLY SHIT They're ALL off sync This is fucking terrible! Just the fact that Barney like has these five kids just waiting in some corner of his house Just ready to be used whenever he needs them, and then he snaps his fingers and they pop up and they start fucking dancing for him That's so creepy "Any time Barney. Bye everybody" *bunch of fuckin kids and Barney saying bye* *TOO MUCH FAIRY DUST N' SHIT* oh my... *ungodly trumpet noises* He's so creepy looking HIGHPITCHEDSATANICSOUNDSHALP The doll is the scariest looking thing... UGH If this whole thing wasn't fucked enough. Now Barney's gonna sing about balls ♪ Because balls are for girls ♪ ♫ BaLlS aRe FoR gIrLs♫ ♬ and balls are for boys ♬ ♩ bAlLs ArE fOr BoYs ♩ ♪ That's why so many kids around the world are playing with these toys ♪ I understand you got to teach kids things and it's important to teach them things like: The Seasons and the Sun And I don't know, Math, and so have songs about that shit. You don't need a song about a fucking ball like here's a ball, kid you fucking throw it and then throw it back at me You don't need a whole song just explaining balls And then it gets on the internet And of course it's fucking thousands and millions of people actually, watching it Just chuckling, cuz Barney is saying there's hard balls and soft balls. There's these kinds of balls... ♩ There are big ones, ♩ ♬ There are small ones, ♬ ♫ Hard ones, soft ones, bounce against a wall ones ♫ Oh yeah, we gotta to talk about the two other dinosaur characters There's a green one and there's a yellow one the green one is a girl and the yellow one is a boy and I guess they just... I don't know They're just... His kids or his friends? I don't know Barney gets around a lot. He's friends with a fucking composer named Greg. "Pretty soon, I knew lots of different songs" "Can you guess the names of these?" bunch of children and then two dinosaur children "What kind of game?" "Oh just about any ball game you can think of, baby bop." "OHHHHHHHHHHHHH GOOOOOODIE!!!!" And then why isn't- Ralph #1: Why'd you move the camera over there? Ralph #2: doesn't matter, that's what the director told me. Just go back to your seat. Ralph #1: Okay? Ralph #1: There's someone in my- [GUNSHOT] [STATIC] "Oh hi, didn't see you there! My name's Gormack McCallahack." "I've been a gun enthusiast for over 25 years." "Yeah, sometimes when I come out into nature take it a few pictures." "But more often than not, I carry a piece on me, but today, we're not going to talk about that" "Today, we're going to talk about how you can keep your guns and your family safe." "Today, I'm going to teach you youngsters out there a little bit about gun safety." "See how the guns are very a fun thing to play with I understand" "That's why adults play with them but, you see, children are not very bright like those adults" [fapclap] *Demonic rendition of the "I love you" song begins playing* [fapclap] H͍̬̝͉̼i̶̥̟̼̹ ̗̫͖̦̼̪͇͢T̘̝̜h̨͚e̼͉re̩͎̫̦͎̤!͙̯̰͙͔ So this Barney episode is about playing it safe. I don't know what the fuck that means. I guess it's about playing safely "NO MORE MONKEYS JUMPING ON THE BED!" What?! "looks like I'd better go get some help for these poor monkeys!" Alright, how dare you call women monkeys? "Oh my, what have we here? It's a big pile of monkeys!" what is this Monkey wha-? Oh, that fuckin poor girl didn't get to hug Barney she's tryna go in but there's no room for her "GREEEEEEEEEEEEN LIGHT!" "Red light!" "Green light!" "Red light!" T҉͉͕̘̙h̵̨̲̤̻̭̲͇̫̪ȩ̗̟̹͟r̵̳̩̯̩̣̮̼̮̯͝é͖̖̠̖͟'̷̬̖̫̲̫̥͖͢ș̙͍͢ ̢̣͔̪ş̛̲̖͘o҉̻̗̭͕̤͎m̞̤͇͟ẹ̷̴̸͇͖̠̼t̸̹͚͖͍͚͙h̶̼̞i̹̘ͅn̠̝͎͓̞̖͢g̴͢͏̝͚̻͕̘ ̡̨̺͖n̵̹͖̗͞e̸̴͍̪̪̦a̢̱̠̯̞̻̪̕͟r̶͚̕͝b̳̲̰͖͢y̪͕̬ͅ ̟̲̥̼R҉͔̣͉͙a҉͉̣̲̜̗͝ḻ͚̙͙p̧̨̭̻͕͖͇̙̀ͅh̦͕͉͕͙͕͟͡.̢͏̶̟̲͔͇̝̘͎.̸҉̦̱̫̳̠.̰̮̞͓̖̠͉̱͢ H̴̸̳̬̲é̡͉̼̟̯'̭̱̕s̞̣̣͝ ̸̺̯̮̭͙̗͉͙́c̰̘͈̰̲͖͜ͅo̘̗̣͚̜͚m͍̪̻͡͡i͏̡͓̙͙̕n҉̻̟g̮̺̙ ͏̴̡̼̘͕̬f͟͞͏͙͉̪͙̜͎̩̲ǫ̫͚̥͎̪̥̺̪͟r͘҉͉͉̥͍ ̷̣̬ý̝̹̲̲͝ò̜̮̠̟̺u̪͈̬̫̱.̸҉̘̙͇͇̙́ͅ.̵͈͕̯̫ͅ.͖̖̺͇͕̻̗͠ "Green light!" "Red light!" "revolver." "This, is a fully operational..." "revolver." "Now this is a fake." "Real guns have orange tips. Fake guns, do not." "Now this is a fake." "You can tell cuz it doesn't have an orange tip. Now I know it feels-" R̪̤̰̞͕͉͎͖Ȩ҉̟̼͈D̢̛̳̼̼̝̻̻̤͎̫ ̣̠͝L̴̹̪̳͈ͅI̼̱Ǵ̸̸̟̘͕̹̳H҉̱̳͈̼̹͇͍͘͝T̨͇̥͈̦͝ G̮̩͕͟R̷̡̺̺͈͉̞̲̙͝E̼͚̪̬E̴̘̩̻̯̮̗̭̯͝N̨͏̝́ͅ ͔̹̙͓͙̫̗ͅL̶̨͖̙̖͉̰͙̼I̸̱G̙͖̱̦͉H̸̥̤͖͈͓̦̥̭͢T̶͍͚̫̯̗͔͉́̀ R̪̤̰̞͕͉͎͖Ȩ҉̟̼͈D̢̛̳̼̼̝̻̻̤͎̫ ̣̠͝L̴̹̪̳͈ͅI̼̱Ǵ̸̸̟̘͕̹̳H҉̱̳͈̼̹͇͍͘͝T̨͇̥͈̦͝ H̞̞͓̣̳A̷̢̧̲͙̳̤͓̖̩̲H̱A̛͉̹͇͠H̙̠͍̗͚̗̜͚̕ͅA̖̦̦̬͖̪͘H̸̫̺̥̝͉̗̲A͓̪͓̳͡ͅH̸̨̱̲̲͚͕̘Ḁ̵̸̺̭̮͍̲̕ͅH̵̢̧̥̫͉̹͚̞̖̣A҉̟͈H͙͙̹͈̗̗̟͙̕͝ͅH̗͇̺A̵̛̺̰̪͜A̙̤͈͙̭̞̕͡H̩̭͙̦̥͔͖͢͢A̮͔̪͖͖H͉͔̫̱̮̱͈̤͞ͅH͍͙̟̬A̠͖͖̱̼͞H̸̜̲͡H̸̢̗̦̱̹͉̙A̝͉̟͙̞̥̕͡ͅH̜͔͚̠̠̖͉͡A͏̬͕̫̗̺̹̼̜H̟͉̰̰͍̻͔̩͢A̶̟̩̟̰͇H͢͏̼̦̮H̨̨͓̥̞͔̳̹̰̱A̗̬̠̘͟ R҉̨̭̹̖̪͍̮͔̺̼̤̲̭͎͇̯͞Ȩ̸̯̲̺͈̖͇̖̮͘͞͝D̴̡̡̳̜̦̮̥͖̰̪͞ ̴̬̯̝͓͉̘̜̺̪̟̟̞̤͉̻͎͘͢L̢̖̮͉̙͙̝̝̻̙̣̟̲͢Í̳͔͈̩͓͢G̬̪̞̹̯̝̗͓͙͓̬̲̲̳̙̤͠H̨̛̟̤͉̠̬̟̱̰͈͈͈͘̕͟ͅŢ̷͜͏̝͙̝ H̨͟͠͏̝͓͚͍̯͇E̢̛͎̪͙̮͉̥̪̦̗͎̹̖̯͓̗̘͢͜'̛̬͕̺͔̗̗̳͓̣̪̲̪̪Ṣ̷̲̩̼̫̺͚̣͘͟͢ ̨͏̡̣͈̜̣̤̺̕͞H̡͈̲̭̰̼̗͚͈͖̗̼̮͟È̵̙̞̗͓͓͔͕͞͠R̶̸̢͍̜̬͈̦̣̘̯E̗̪͖̼̠̖̕̕.̢҉̙̦͓̹͓̪̪̩̘̼̝̟̼̯.̴̨̨͍͕̰̹̳͕̜̩͈̥.̶̧̫̼͕̥̯̯̳͎̪̹̗̞̖͎̥̣̤͘͞ I̛̭̲̹̙͈ͅ ͏͔͙͟͟ͅͅL͏̶̷͙̟̖̯̘̯̙̹̦͎̬̹̕O̵͏̡̘̩̰̫͉̖̥V̴̷̢̬͍̞͎̹̙͕̻̖̩͕̲̜͎͙̪̫͙̲É͖̝̺̗̮̹͙̰̟̗̗̭̰̣̩̝͙ ͝͏̧̤̖͉͇͘Ỵ̷̧̣͖̯̯͚̤̪̝̰̯̠̜̣̻͕̠̜̕͜͠O̵̢͔̲̖͈͖̬͕̫̟̫̮̘̖̯͉̺̤͍͟͝Ứ̡̧̤̰̥͘ Ỳ̸҉̹̯͓͓̱͇̠̳̠O̶̡̲̙͕̘͝͠U҉҉̴̴҉̩̱͇̤̭̳͎̙̺͇ ҉͉͈͖͖͚͚͎̬̙̗̤̫̯̪̬̦̮͔̮L̷̷̴̢̲̲̮͔̮̖O͏̷͍̪̰̦̯̹̞̹͈̬̖͉̭̥̱͖̟V̵̨͔̬̣̤̠̹͇̘͠Ę̶̢̤̯̙͎͈̻͙̼̘̹̼͓̩̺͙͙̯̪͢ ̴̝̤̬̤̮̹͓̰͘̕͢͞M̢̧̩̜͇͎̪͕̖̱̟͕̤E̶̸̷̡͙͉̱͎̥͓̝̤̺̳͉̖̦̟ W̵̴̘͇̼̼̫̙̺̫͚͇̫̮̲̤̯͚̕ͅÉ̛̦̪̠̤̮̲̞̲̻'̵̨̢̫͔͍͉̖͓͇͟R̢͍̦̱͓̤̗̀͢Ḛ̵͔̯̭̞̟͙̺̳͇̻̦̰̩̠͈̕͠ͅ ̢̛͉͖̳̝̳͎͡A҉̨̡̥͈͕̫͖͚̗̕ ̶̡̼͎̱̳͙̟̮̰̬͎͘ͅḨ͡҉̛͖̲͍͎̙̘̩̮̬̩̹͚̠̥͈̭̟̱͝ͅA̶̠̻̝͓͘͟͟P̧͖̬̯̪̙͓̝P͈͈̲̪̤̫̝͉̙̼̯̀͜͞͝ͅY̛̬͖̬̮̫̤̼͙͓̰͉̟͞͝ͅ ̘̱͎̤̬͓͙̲̝͉̖̯̣̘̮̟͍͢F͏̷̡̡̹̩̣̲̮̻̬̟A͇̣̠͈͓̜̣̳̱̞̝̖̮̝͚͔̣̣͘̕͡M̵̵̥̝̦̜̀̀I͟͞҉̸̼̰͈̫̦̠͕̟̞̦̹̫͓̦̲̗̟̙͢L҉҉͈͖̠̪͉͚̫̞͈Y̸̡̜̘̥̻̤͙̻͎̼͍̬͓͍͈ W̷̻̦̜̖̟̘̲̦͙͓̖̠̥͕͡Į̯̜̲̫͔̦̘̻͝T̨͖̞͇̮̀͘͘H̡͍͚͓̻̯͓̯̦͘ ͏̛̻͉̙͓͢ͅḀ̵̧͚̱͠ ̶̸̱̗̯̞̰̳̞͇̜͖̱̮͙̝̣͡G̷̕͢͟҉̭͇̞̜̜R̛҉̷̳͉̠͈͕̫͙̱̻̩̖͕͈͚́ͅE̡̠̻͙̤̭Á̡̹̠͓̫̖̫͙̮̜̥̼̝̠̕T̸̞̹̭̬̀͢ͅ ̷̟̺̩̯̳͇͈̩̹̜͘͟͟͠B̩̜̮̤͈̕͢I̶̶̢̞̞̩̳͖͖̳͇̦̠̰͓̯̗̥̭͉͇̕Ǵ̷̴̯͙̘͚̲̭̫͕̯̞̻ ̴̮̞̥̩͕̘͉̰̝͚́ͅH̨͇͙̱̰͎̩͕̭̝́̕U̡̜̣̭̲̝͜͟͠Ǵ̤̹̻͙͙̪̖̬̣̤̝̗̙̲̯͔̞͘͝ Am I dReAmInG? W̵̯̬̬̻̯̱͉̭̙̙̯͈͚̳̻Ò̸̷̫̯̪͈̝̥̬̹̫̘͇͡Ṋ̵͕̮͎͓͔͕͓͖̭͉̙̭̝͞͝'̵̭̲̥͇͚̭̠̞̩͉̥͝ͅT҉̴̀͏̻̟̹̯͇̮̮̟̺͚̳̖͔̳ ̟̬̝̣͍̯̟̻͔̫̭̖̩̗́̕͠ͅY̴̢̡̧̠͚̪͓͍̻̜̭̻͍̥̠͍̼͓͞O̴̸̧̟̤̼̻̯̠͚͔͘͝U̷͓̤͓̭̲ ̀͘͢͏̦̻̭̦̩̳̬̮̫̯̺͍͍S̨͇̹̘̫͚̫̳͓̖̮͙̘̼̠͎͕̥͉̜͘͟Á̹̰̼̼̳͘Ý̸̶̱̗̹͓͉͖̹̪̼͖͙̥̞̣̫͇̻̻̱ ̸̢̩̹͍̼̺̦̲͝Y̡̛̦̭̺̗̪̙̹̗͔̦̟̰͓͠ͅO͏̙͖̘͕̟̜̯̖̕͞U͏̵͍̙̦̪͉͈͉͡ ̸̺̝̲̰̗͙̟̖̝̘̻͙̦͍̞̗̮̫͟͞ͅĻ͈̙̯̹̕͟͟ͅO͓̣͈̫̼͇̮̹͉͈̞͇̩̫̰͟͠V͘͡͏̟̩̜̮̖͢͠E̱͎̹͙͓̦͘͞ ̵̴̸͈͇̰̗̬ͅM̵̵̴̙̱̙̦̖̪͖̼͔̹͜͞É̵̲̻͇̕ ͖̠̬͚̗̦̠̠͈͚͕̹̝̬̣̠́̕ͅṰ̲̻̙͓̠̜͕͍̪̀͘͜͜͞O̵̧̢̹̤̫̰̯͍̝̜͔͔̘͇̠̻̹͈͈̟O̧̘͖̤̰̘̺̱̝̥͘ͅ?̧̦͚͚̟̰̮̘̀ͅ Am I dReAmInG? Ì̘̤̟͓̱̹̰̬̪̞͉͉̹̗̥̗̤ͅ ͏͏҉̠̩͓̠͕̯̠͕̰̭̭̰̼̖̥̥̝̺̪Ĺ̘̹̳̬̪̯̣̭̥̜̺͇̗̮̼̫̀̕ͅͅO͘͢͏̢͚̗̳̼͔̥̤̠̼̙̖V͚̹̠̺͎̜͇̠̮̠̗̠͔̀́͟͠E͏̶̩̰̰͘ͅ ̵͏̜͈͍͙͖̬̳͔̲̼̲̠̥̤͜Ỳ̝̙͕̠͍̣͕͎͖̠̪̼̱̕͜Ơ̻̻̤͍̼̼̰̱̲̕͜͢Ṵ̸̡̭̪̲̭̫͔̲̝͉̰̦͎̫͈̘̣̱͟͡͝ͅ Y̴̴̟̩̠͓̰͇̖͘ͅͅO̷̢̨͇̹̘̟͖̺̱̖̲̭̕U̱̞̬̮̮̞͚̭̟̯̠̝̼͢͢ ҉̶͓̮̪̖͔̺̗͍̣̲̻̦̼͈̲̲̤̕͡L̷͎͕̟̳̖̮̮͞O̧͝͏̮͉̩̝̼͉̼͎͠Ṿ̧̛̼̠E̡̫̟̬̰̞̣͙̺̯̲̳͞ ̴̴͓̱͍̭̫̲͕̰̳̜̥͖͍̭͞͡M̡̧͞҉̱̠͉͈͎̫͈̗̻͓̖̲̭͠E̸̸̺̱͓̕͠ Ẃ̗͎̘͇̭̙͉̱͘͟͟͞E̸̗͓̦̰̦̩̟̕'̸̷̛͕͇̠͍͎͉͖̥̦̬̦̥̱̱̼̩͘Ŗ̶̢̹̮̲͔̩̜̜̠͝E̸͏̛̲̟̤͙ͅ ̸̫̹͙̰̣̮̲̫̯̪͖̞͕̠̲͉͖͘͢ͅB̸̳̙̘̠̺̪͔̭̺͕͖̺̫͙́͢͟E̟̰͚̘̜̙̹̩̼͟Ș̷̷̸̪̱̻͍̪̼̘̝͔̼̰͠T̶̼͓̦̺̭͢ ̶̵̭̫͙̞̘̕̕F̴͏̨̳̼̙̙̠͖̖̗̱̭̳͜Ŗ҉͖̪̼͙͉̬͚̟̟̰͖͚̼̱̳̲̲̪̤I̢̟͖̥̩̪̤̥̙͈E̡̡̹͉̻̝̼͚̤̼̪̗͞Ń̵͔̙̩͕̻̬̝͉͖̰͎͓̖͔̥̫͓͉͖͟͞͝D̨̘̦͓̻̙̩̝̕S̡̛̬̼̙̟̯̱̭ͅ ̶̨̝͈̤͚̗̩̹͉̭̳͔̲̖L̨̢̙̠̝̹̰̦͖̼͖̙͉̟̘̝͜͟͞Ì̛̯̺̖͖̜͇͖͉̲̰̹̯̦̮̥͍͢ͅĶ̢̻̮̤͍̮́̕ͅE̛̬̝̙̠̪̤̣̘̥̰̟̝̹̗̘͎̳̭̕͠͡͞ ͜͏̢̗̮̺̩̦̗̗̝͎̘̗́́ͅͅF̸̴̘͓͓̻̹̰̪͇͈̠͈͘͝ͅŖ͎̫̳̠̠̜̦͕͎̹́͠͠ͅI̷͏̦̖͈̝E͍͉̱͈̖̠͍̹̱͓̬̳̜̩̲̝͍̙̦͟͡͡Ṇ̨̛̰̤͔̱̱̀͡D̢̳̬̟̰͙͔̬͓͎̠̳̤̭̥̥͙͎͟͡ͅŚ̸̵̢̜͔̳̤̯̺̮̲̙ ̵̸̢͔͍̗͉̝͈̭̭̼̮͘ͅŚ͕̤̘̱͖̬̙͈̩̙͈͖H҉̸̶̲̙͇̰̱̭̗͓̗͔̹́͢ͅƠ҉̧̰̱͓͓̭̹̬̦̦̳U͏̧̦̝͙̝͍͈̤̪̠̤̥̣̮̞͓̣̲͡L̯̯̘͔̬̭͖͖̲̪̰͟͢Ḑ̴̹̟̩̣̯̺̤̜ ̲̣̟̫͚̪͔̳̱̼́̀͢͠͠ͅB̧͚̮̖̲̦̰̖̦͉̲̮͞É̠͉̮̠̜̰̼̦̣̬̠̣̠͙̦ͅ W̶̙̙̫̼̤̭̲͍͎̜̮̩͚̘̙̱̪̯I̸̧̭̳̼̳̘̦̝̮͚̞̰T̛̠̣̱͉̫̠̫̼͍͘͠H͡͏̴̢̞͓̞͎̟͓̲̬͚͉̥̘͖͓̰͜ͅ ̸̢̛͖͈̯̝̙͈̙̠̖A̴̶̯̱͖̜̤̱̞͖̫̦̱͍̖ ̛̛͍̲̫̱͓̜͙̩̞͙͉̥̫̪̗̻͙̪͞͡ͅG̶̨҉̢̞̼̫̩R̺̱̝͈̺͟͡E̸̛̙̤͖̼̖͇̫͖͚̞̮̳̩̲̼̫̬͝ͅͅĄ̣͍̗̼̩͔͖̫̼̞̲̬͙͓͟T̷̶̡̧̺̖͇͎̮̤̤̗̱͠ ͏̝̲̘͖̱̱̕Ḅ̶̡̢̛̝̩̖̙͖̭̻̲̱̪͉̟̟̻͍Ì̟̞̻̬̦̦̞̣̞̺̀̕G̶̨҉̨̤͖̳̳̘͖͓̘̭̯͟ ҉̨̗̩̬̯̝̭H̢̢̛̭͙͙̠͓̙̜͉̘͈̻̱͢U̬̠̱̜͓͎̥̝̦͇̝̝̪͍̭͓̰̺͡ͅG̸̢͈̬̺̼̺̯̗̙͔̦͓͓͓̭̠̟͚̕͟ "Oh my God, I just read this on Twitter. Did you know that Donald Trump fuckin raped 20 Mexican children?" "What a F*****" "I swear, he's fucking retarded" "Oh family, I'm home!" *laugh track* *laugh track* "Hello son, where did you get that shirt?" "Hello son, where did you get that shirt?" "Well Dad, I got mine at teepublic.com/ralphthemoviemaker, tons of great shirts there" *laugh track* "Next time I ask you something you better answer, unless you want to go back in the TV͚̹̠̺͎̜͇̠̮̠̗̠͔̀́͟͠." [GROANING] [STATIC] H̶̛̗͔̟̭͇̞̱͈̦̩̱̮͖̞̹̤̯È͓͇̼͕͈͚͇̫̮͔͔̤̯̙͎̫͎̳̜͞R̸͈̻̲̟͢͢͡͠E̷̶̘̲͍͖̯̣̤̝̝̜̺͔̺͍̝̫͔͞ ̸̵̛̙̭͇̫͓̯̻̙̱͈͎͍͕̀W҉̨͘͏̮̤̣̞̼̜͓ͅE҉̢̢̟̞̖̘̠̼̘̥͕̀ͅͅ ̶̶̢͎̖̯̪̯̕̕Ģ̴̥̗̙̱̹̱͚̭̩̦̱̺̦͓͝Ǫ͉̘̗͍̰͖̻̜͢!̡̢̺̪͍̥̗̩̻̼̥̞̣̪̝͖̫͖̝͖͘͜ [GROANING] NO BARNEY DON'T STRANGLE THE DOG THIS IS A SITCOM G͠͡҉̺̦̬̖̫̩̬̥͈R̵̛̲̠͎̼̳̀͠O̷̕҉̛̣̘͇̯͙̜͈͔̼̲̺͠W̡̡̞͙̗̼̙̜̣͎͝͞Į̗̦̗̬͉͇̳͍̮̤̰̮̩̭̱͞͝Ṋ̴̨̢̭͚̝̩̝͉́G̷̵̛̝̗͔̗̮̠͕̣̟̯̳̟̟̯̝͚͘ ̛͉̲̬͈U͏̙̰̟̰͔̙̭̲͔͈͡P̷̶͓̯͙̹͟͜ ̡̣̻̠̬̲̫̥͚̀͢Į̨̢̝̺̘̮S̶͈̣͔̱̞̣̳̩̪͓̱̦̩̥̬͖̗̫̭ ̧̀҉̞͓̯̬̖̤G̵͎̗̰͚͍̟̻̝͖̙̩̱̤̀R̸̪͈̼̭̥̯̬̳̼͉͇̜͚̫̝̜̼͜͢Ȩ̵̯̹̩̣̕͟Á̷̷̧͕͉̮͔͔̼̺͈̮̣̮̮̖̗̜̱̣̥̦̕T҉̥̖̭̼͟ͅ.͓̣͓̻͈̻̥̱̥͚̰͘͜͟ͅ.̸͔͙͖̟̝̹̳̲̭͜.̸̩̺̠̦̘̘̫͙͖͜ G̶̡͖̼̩̯̺̝̰̜̻̤̕͢ͅR̡͓̜̦͖̟͎̪̣̭̠͕̗͔̯̦̗Ò̧̟͖̝͕͚̦̥̤̫͖̕ͅW̸̨͚̳͖̤͕͈̮̮̘ͅỊ̵̡̙̝̞͝N̝̝̞͎̕͢ͅG͏̛͔̼̮̩̟̪̥̙͘͢ ̥͉̯̭̳̳͈̼̝̞̖͈͍̙̮͙͓́U̴̡͏̤̬̪̞̝̠͓P̷͉̱͍̩̺̹̰͎̟̣̩̜͍͕͚͇͔͕̭͞ ̢̀҉̴̙͖̹̪̫̺̟͘I̴̴̟̱͇̩̪̖͎̟̟̤̭̬̪͓͜͢͟S̢̛̗̣̣͉̲̟̣̫̯̱̪͘͘ͅ ̵̶̢̡̼͉̮̙̫̥͓͖͇̹̭̹͡L̴҉̷̧̻͓̩͚͢O͚̞͍̗̜͠ͅT̷̲̠̥̩͇͚͙̼͟͟͡Ş̵̛͏̼̯̣̟̪̩̲̭̻̱̤̻͎̤͟ ̨̻͕͍̮̺̤̞̕͟Ó̡͎͖͍̰̟̬̤̲̦̣͎͠͝F̢̨̛̖͈̥͈́͞ ҉̵͕̳̠̪̗̳́F̨͉̳̺͓͇̗̹͇̰͉̙̰̺͓͙̖̟̜͍͡Ú̫̰̱͈̙̰̭͙̜͜͢ͅN͏͜҉͏̠̺̙̞̪̱̹̻̯̱̝͇͍̦̞̯̖̩̻.̢̣̣̳̟̮̭͉͍͉̥̞̖̞̖̀̕̕.̧̬̦̲̭̳͈̤̬̩̹̰̣͕͇̺̹͔̱́͟͜͡.̷̧̛҉̼͔̬͎̭̳̰̦ ̵̸̲̤̱̼̦̭͙̙̳͉̫́͟͢ͅͅG̨̢̜̭̯̪̯̯̥̯̟̣̜̜̫͚̱̫͎͢ͅR̻̫̞͙̥͟͠͝O͟͞͏̤̯̰̠̟͉̱̱́͞W҉̤͇̘̱̥͙̜̪̭̹̕ͅI̶̧̢̡̛͚͉͈̞̪̪̣͓͎͎͕̥̤͍̭̳̯͎Ǹ̜͇̳̬͉͉̯̟͉͕͍̠́G̨̢̹͔̗̥̼̱̘̹̀͠ ̬͉̮̳͖̣͉̀͢͞Ų̸̪̪̝̞̱̲́͢͠P̮͍̦̟̘̹͕͜͟ ̛͈̯̱͓͔̺͘͜I̷̢̢͚̱͓̠̟͖̥̪̮͠͝ͅS̶̡͈̱̜̼͎̘̯̥͓̳͖̞̖͉̮̭͞ ̛́͞͏̡̝̙̹̙̜̮̯͖̺͙̜̼͙̱͓G͏͔̼͎̬͎̟͈͇̻̝̻͓̗̻̕Ŕ̀͟҉̩̩̹̫̘̦E͏͔͕̝̳̗͇͉̜̻͈̥A̶̜͉̻̝͉̕ͅT̵̢̛͎͚͔̖͍̜̠͖.̶͓̬̪̝̥͕̺̼̪̣̞̥͍͚͕̼͜.̨̨̫̥͎̠̳̖̲͇̕͡.̶̭̳͇̮̙̳̰ G̛̺͈͎̜̣̀R̕҉̦̫̳̠̗͖̩̺̱̙̣̤̖͓͚͙̮ͅͅỚ̢̢͇̯͖͖̞͉͉͞ͅW҉͏̷͚̩̖̣̩I̬̫̗̥̮͞N̢̙̗̯̦͎̳͇̯̩͞G̛̝̣̜̪͎̟͢ ̶̣͍̼̰͕͉̲̳̪͖̞̞̯̮̱̙̥͞͝͝ͅU̷̮̮̫̩P̴̨̩̟̘̙͇̹̻̻͖̦͔̳̳̺ ̤̖̟͈͚͕͓̯̤̻̯̘͕͎̝̯̞͟Į̵̢̱̮͉̦͈͎̀́Ṣ̗̦̪̺͙̤̦͍̱̗͉̗̦͕̮̰̖̀̀͡ ̥̱̮͈̹̰̠̣̠͕͖̰̻͓͈̝͓̀͝ͅͅḼ̟̜͎̗̱̯͚͎̙̰̟͖̥͈͉̯͢͜͡O͏̙̹͇̗̀T̸͏̶̪̙̫̮̹̹ͅS̷̷̷̢̼̩̩̺͉͖̳͚̫̪̜̤͉̻͉͈̙͖͜ ̶̵̨̣̙͕̖̼̻̗̣͈͙ͅͅÒ̢̳̗̥͓̯̘̱̠͓̺͇͕̠͘͜͠ͅF̸̴͏͇͖̼̯ ̶̧̢͉̜̭̞̻̲͓͍F̴̨̢̠̺̳̹̪̖͙͕Ų̧̨͉̬̣͍̲̰̭̘̻͎͙̫̠̜̯̞̜͜͝ͅN̵͙̠͉̟̖͇̘̫͕̰̖̱͢ Ģ̦͇̙̗̩̣̥͕̰̤̝̝̗͓̙̼͜R̴̢̭̰̭͚͖̗͚̬̙͎̻̙͇̙͓͓͍͚̯̕͝Ǫ̴̷̷̭̩͚̦͚̜̳̜͟Ẃ͚̝͍̲͕̬̤̣̦̗̘̗͍̟̝̪̠̞I͢͏̦̱̪̺͎N̵̹̜͓̗̲͓̣͉̣̝̜̥̲̟̩̪ͅĢ̢̨͙͚̯̫̝̭̬͜͝ ̘̲̹̻̯͈̳̗̟͈̲̹͚̠̼̹̟̹͝Ų͓̟̳͕͈͉̼̗͚͖͘͝P͢͞͏̼̣̳͎ ̷̶͠͏̹̮͇̼̺̼̭̞̝͍̣̤͍̲̺͚ͅͅI̡̬̥̠̳͎͇̪͘͞S͏̨҉͍͍̼̮̯̞͎͉̼͖̻͙ͅ ̵̛̞̯̹͕̬̳̳͉͍̭̬̗͓̪̩͟ͅG̛҉̩̪̬̩̱̬̜̫̪̖̗R̨̛̦̗̮̠̺͓͎͔̤̺̙̖͚̥̟̭̳̞E̛҉̸̨͎͉̻̣̹̜̤̻̝̤͡A̧̰͉̱̜̺̙̯̕Ţ̼̲̤̫̳̙̟̠̺̜̥̬̠̗͚̙͖̲͝.̰̲̺̙̬́̕͘.҉̯̜͙̼͍͕̪͍̙͈͖͕̗̞̀͘.̴̛̹̘̜̙͖̝͈̗͇̹ G̮̼̙̳̞̥͖̪̝͔̠̳̰̜͔̠̗̕R̡͎̺̻̠͎͖̗͚̣̬̤̪̜̻͖͍̙͡͞ͅǪ̣̣͍̻͍̯̝̙̟̞̣̳̕Ẃ̧̧̲͍̟̫̳̥̫͉̳̫̥͠͡I̫̘̤̥̥̰̗͟͠N͏̶̸̡͙̫͓͇̯͠G͏̶̧̛̟̞̮̰̮̘̯̖͕͎͙͜ͅͅ ̵͇̜͉͍͇̯͖͈͓̫̬̜͇̲̩͜͡U̶̞͙̜̪̬̲̹̙̮̦̮͓͉͎̕P̛̩̱̣͎̘̝͍̩̖̟̣̭͘͝͠ ̧̧̼͓̪͙̟̗͇͔̘̗̰͠ͅI̷̸̵̫͉̪̪͙̣̠͙͟͡S̶̵̡̨̻̺͕̦̱͖͓͈͍͇͢ͅ ̜̱̜̫̟̭͈̰̪͖̪̪͎̥͓́͞͠L̷̰͔̻̹̫͓͕̮͓̹̕͘͢O̸̵̧̢͕͙͓̭̱̗̜͕̙̟̺͇̘̠͇͠ͅT̨͟͡҉̨͍̠̖͇̥͈̞̪̯͇ͅS̴̨͏̝̤͕̺͉̝ͅ ̷̼̦̹̼̦̹̖̕͢͝ͅO̶͇̟͕̺͖͜͞F̸̨̢̲͍̘̜͠͠ ̹̗̣̙̗͍̞͟͢͞F̶̫͇̼̩̞̻̬̗̝̮́͢U̷͏͖̹̱̺͉͍̳͍̖̰͙͉͠Ṋ̷̲̜̪̫͖͉̥̳̭̳̗͚́͡.̧̧̰̰͚̻̰̖̞̥̻͔̻̻̝ͅ.̧̳̘̤͙͚̣͇͚̳͉̪̮͞͠.̷̮̫̮̝͙͇͎̰̝̰ [GUNSHOT] Ģ͏͓̖̥̮̯̩͙̙͓͉̟͎͈͈͓R̢̲̻̜̙͈̼̮͙͍̯͖̯͎͘͞ͅO̸͓͔͓̜̬͡W҉̶̡̲̟̺Ì̹̥͈̱̕͡͡Ń̸̛̤̮͔̙̼̥̣͙̣͖͔̰͢G҉̷̹̮̝̹̝̙͓͚̞͍̼͕̯̺̜͈͟ͅ ̵̪̯̮̜͇̭̪̳U̩͚̝̝̫̰̱̖̗͖̹͉͓̻͚̬͞P̶̡̛̫͖̥̼̩͞͠ ̨̹͉̺̼͍I̡̨͝҉͎͖̯̣͚͎̝̱S̡͙̤̬͙͖̪̠̹̞͖̖̺͕͘͠ ̤̱̦̘͎̹̘̺͈͕̙́̕͜Ļ̝̖̩̥͙͍͙̝͚̤͕͕̻̱̯̻͕́͘ͅO̴͕̗̤̰̥̞̬̜͖̹T͞͞͏̯͈͈͔͍̟̯̬̠̮͓ͅS̸̠̟̠͎̺͎̠͚͙̯̪̻̠͓̭̕ ̨̬̦̠͕̤̱̕͘ͅO̷̶͟͠҉̘̳͈̺̗̙̰̼͚̘̬̤͇F̧̪͖͉̻̥̟͟ ̶̛̞̝̤̫̤̲͕̘̤̮͟͠ͅF̵͏͚͍͍̻̩̙͓̟͘U̧͏̶̜̳̤̘̞̲̩͇̭N҉̢̰͍̲̲̱̖̥̟̹͖͇͙̥̲͔ O̢̹̹̩͉͟͟H̶̨́́҉̯̥̫̞̤͔̻̥̭͉̣̟͈̠U҉͖͇͚̜͕̹̕͝ͅE̡̨̨̫̖̰̟̙̱̺͖̥̹̱̹̦̹͘H̨̹͚̞͖̼̯̞̼̞̕͟Ù̵̸̸̗̳͚͚̞͕̜̤̻̙͉̫͕̱̯͘È̸̸̡͖̯̰̣̳̯͚̻̝͙͇̦͔͉͜ [GUNSHOT] G̡ŗ̤͖̝o̫w̤͇̮̫̟̝̫i̜̖͕̲̖ͅn͏̻g̼̣͇̫̀ͅ ̮̟̩̗̠͟u̧͔̖̩p̵͉ ̢i̵s̥͈̠͕͠ ̩̕g̺̫̮̺̭̼̳͡r̹͍̘e͉͇̗a͎̰͉t̨̙̯̥.̬̲.̜̝̬͡.̷͕̳̦͓͚̮͈ ̩͔͓̗͇̝͉G̺̠͉̳͉r̺͈o͎̞w̥in̻̺̦̥̕g͍͠ ͇̻u̘͕͓̦͚̟̮p̴̘͔͎̟͓ ̷i̷̳̗s̳̻ ҉̱̞̟͙̟̭͓l̟̺̗̟̲o̡̜̜̩̼t̸̻̻̺͙s͍͎̤͖͎̫̕ ̶͕̫̝̜͎̭ͅo͢f ̭̜͇̘͝f̻̜̝͉̻̞u̹͎̳̲̯̲̞n.͟.̪̩̖̦̘̼̩͞.̼̳̫̙͍ G̷r͟o̡̫̠͖w̥ͅi̬̲͈͎͡ǹ̮͕͔̮̻g̶̘ͅ u̡̜p̧͓ ͙̳̬̻͉͞i̸̭̥͓̮s̶̯̖̭͓̖͕̟ ̛̠͙͕̘g̰r͓̣͔͍̣̬ea̞̱̺͔͙̞t͖̭̥̯͉̱ͅ.̨͖.̙̱͚̜̬͈̰.̥͔̀ G̵̗̠̞͉̝̪̹r̫͔o̺̣͜w͉̗̗͎i̧̮̩̹̦͍̫n̙̥̱͇̰̙͍g̬͘ ̠̣̥͈͕͔̙́u͚͢p̗͈̳ i̲s̻̯͎͓̪ ͎͍l̟o͇̙͘t̶͚͚̪̣̝̱̙s̺̤̳̗ ̣͎͚̯͉̟̕o͎͕̹̦̙f̦̘͚ f͖̳̭͓̞ͅu̱̗̙͖̕n̬̣̲.͚̫̮̘͕͚.̖͡.̝͍͎̰̠̭̖ Gr̵̞̜o̱̘̳̭w̠̖i̺̰̩͉͚͚̕ͅn̷͍̻̲g͏̪ ͡u̘̠͈͠p ̥̺̣͈̟is͙̮̹̯͚ g̞̖ŕ̙̞͇e͝a̯̳̲̫ͅt̢̟̟.̣̝.̢̙͇̯̣̣.̸̭͎̩̺̥ [STATIC] [GUNSHOT] [DISTORTED SCREAMING]
