The Bubble S01E06

take three celebrities send them off to a remote house in the country then seal them in with no computers TVs newspapers or mobile phones they'll be completely cut off from the outside world so how will they know what's been going on while they've been in the bubble David Mitchell and welcome to the last show in this series of the bubble the show where we ask three celebrities to spend a week completely cut off from the outside world no newspapers no TV no internet nothing so they've missed the budget lucky sods on the downside they won't know that under Alistair darlings new 3-day vacancy rule all their homes have been repossessed to help reduce the national debt before we set them free we're going to show them a selection of news reports some of them are genuine some of them have been faked but will they be able to tell the difference so let's meet tonight's guests straight from the bubble please welcome Miranda Hart Robert Webb and Shappi Khorsandi hello and welcome all hello having us David so you no idea what's been happening in the world you're assuming it's fairly light hearted cuz I know that this show is on so they've been trying to keep world events fairly oh honey I exactly yeah but also the show hasn't been pulled because you know of some horrible asteroid hitting Brazil anything else that you hope might have happened I was hoping that the government had announced the pilot scheme to build a raised platform above the whole area of Notting Hill and and build on there an artificial beach and a working lovely country pub and a five bedroom house with extensive grounds and then what the scheme is they do with that is they give it to me that's what I was hoping they were living out just the pilot scheme because I might not like it and also the last thing you want is when you're there on your lovely platform with your Beach and your swimming pool but still with easy access to central London so this is my thinking is to see all the other ruddy platforms that are getting put up by other people ya know I know I'm going off this idea it's lovely if you miss each others butts if we left after him well to do with him we are on this team terribly yeah but of course we can't natter away like we usually do on the television we'll have to get on with the news show yes I see the news big to say what was really touching is finely unlit Rob refers to you as my David we're in the middle of a conversation about the novelist David Mitchell so I had to you know make some distinction I'm gonna take Pastor David and give you David yeah it's my daily than the other David right well I know in terms of being cute okay we start with some stories from the newspapers three stories and only one of them genuinely did feature in the papers while you were inside the bubble the other two are fakes can you tell the difference his story a hoons a jammie sponger urged this week that former cabinet minister Geoff hoon was paid 20,000 pounds by Sir Philip Green the retail tycoon to pop out of a cake during a birthday party he organised recently for Kate Moss for that cash Tony Blair would probably have done it but he was busy that night pole dancing for King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia so Robert this that seemed plausible to you I think pop hears of a cake I think even who draws a line there he thinks it's beneath him he wrongly do we know that Kate Moss is sufficiently a fan enough we don't know that who he was the first choice could have been that Kate Moss really had a heart set on Roy Hattersley cake yeah I think there's some Joker's I can't imagine cake cake would eat Kate Kate that thing don't eat those Qadir he doesn't get baked in jumping out cakes are fake cakes it looks like a real cake and then it turns out to be just a vessel for hoon Tommy well you've got your doubts about how low who may or may not have sunk so let's have a look at story B this is lost their marbles this is the news that the Greek Olympic team will boycott the 2012 Olympic opening ceremony in a protest over the Elgin marbles Miranda any any thoughts well you see this is really embarrassing I don't know what the Olga marbles are the elkins are really browsing please tell me someone else isn't there oh [ __ ] hell whiskas british composer don't patronize him he's composing Elgin and he has he like to play with marble suddenly the Greeks came along said no we want your marbles British Museum intervened to stop them having a fight and so they kept them for a long time bozer Elgin was so upset to lose his marbles that he went mad hence the expression losing your marbles yeah oh the actual truth is that their marbles from the Parthenon that been in the British Museum for 200 years and the Greeks are constantly banging on about wanting them back right well that could then be true that's exactly why it's a plausible story to you it's just obviously some random series using comprehensible words thank you please dbits me we're very pleased we booked you and your good value okay we have a look at story see this is one BAM Sam cam to be ma'am yes this week it was announced that Samantha Cameron is pregnant apparently she's been feeling nauseous and throwing up in the morning but then when Dave is on the Today programme who doesn't I believe that because I think even you guys wouldn't go wham bam Sam cam to be ma'am she'll need a new plan that's too silly and that's too City for comedy chef must have been in the newspaper well I think the time has come to vote so let me recap the stories is it a Geoff hoon pockets twenty thousand pounds for popping out of Kate Moss's birthday cake the grease to boycott Olympic opening ceremony over the Elgin marbles or see Samantha Cameron announces her pregnancy please vote a B or C now oh we have a full range of answers I always I love that I need to get a life Miranda gone for Samantha Cameron's pregnancy robbed for Greece boycotting the Olivia tanning ceremony and Shafi for Geoff hoon jumping out of the cake I'm very glad you consider that plausible I wish you were right in fact Miranda is yes Stukas now Elgin marbles yes she's pregnant we assume David's the father though let's remember what Lord Ashcroft wants Lord Africa just before you went into the bubble Samantha Cameron was also in the news a risque photo shoot that she'd been involved in in the 1990s was was published or gay I think that's what Telegraph readers think pornography um and but this one's a little bit oh I say yes I mean it looks like she wants us to see her [ __ ] yes [ __ ] it's wrong it's alright times I was merely I was merely innocently punning because in this picture you can see her [ __ ] Jane yes it is the Pisces falling off a balcony and Broken Bow do you think I'm cynical about the timing on that on the Sunday you've got the the raunchy photos coming out on the whatever it is a Tuesday she announces her pregnancy on the Sunday they're saying shaggable on the Tuesday they're saying shacked that's a sexy David's nailed her yeah he's the leading chimp in this pack leave the old one-eyed loser to touch himself off in his swinging tire and they believed hoons antics I thought I'd give him and Kate a chance well I think I think it was a plausible story because Jeff whom it seems will do quite a lot of things for mummy this week he was among the politicians caught out by a channel for programmers willing to lobby for cash and he was caught saying to the fake lobbyists one of the challenges I think which I'm really looking forward to is sort of translating my knowledge and contacts about the sort of international scene into something that bluntly makes money who else do you think might have been caught out in this sting fires is always a bit of a squirted me buyers yes no yes even by bias was caught by the same program and he said I'm a bit like a sort of cab for hire I spoke and a Tory court was Sir John butterfl and Butterfield told the undercover reporter it's quite likely that I will go to the Lord's look after the programme was transmitted David Cameron said I can tell you that's not going butterfills claimed another 50 grand for butter how much butter does it take to fill Butterfield we've never filled butter fill yet he loves butter we've got a picture of butter fill most of Photoshop and all of the pasta well at the end of that round Miranda gets a point moving on to TV news you're going to see three news reports but once again only one of them is real and has been broadcast while you were inside the bubble the other two are fakes can you spot the real story let's have a look at report a meet 79 year-old Denise Crowley Britain's number one female in the pensioner boxing championships on the Wii the virtual gaming console has taken off amongst pensioners across Europe and now it's Showtime tomorrow Denise will compete in the European final of the international we ultimate boxing pensioners competition just the news even a credit digit oh just get it we're gonna go for broke they're gonna go for the gold this is who Denise is up against Josephine is yard the reigning French champion she's it got virtual boxing two years ago as a way to keep fit a michelle dorr mother fool i'm Dorit I really let off steam yes yes you move everything your arms your legs your head not dead Denise's opposition across the channel may think she can pack a mean left hook this English heavyweight certainly looks sent to knock out the French competition so for once a refreshing story about pensioners and we Miranda what do you think about that I kind of think it might be true because the thought of making this and going let's get old women to look really stupid and do weird moves would be sort of wrong you certain right at theory sort of looks officially yeah enough and also I didn't understand a word the first woman said and so again I kind of think that if you think maybe they were both French she wasn't French to fuzz much no no he's a joke oh it's a joke he has a little card yeah so I think if that was an actor you would have said could you please set so we can understand you you can't do that is she really a potentially real be a supporting artists who are all bonkers anyway you you wanker extras are all mad which you know perfectly well from your eponymous sitcom that they are anyway David let's have a look at report B high inflation the recession global downturn in hard times words like recession deficit and inflation leave a bad taste in the mouth in recession unless of course you happen to be in Duke C's theater in Lancaster every time the Chancellor delivered some bad news this vending machine delivered some good news a free packet of crisps is no ordinary vending machine it is in fact an art installation rigged up to a BBC news feed and programmed to respond to certain words with a free packet of crisps bizarre budget artwork actually me it's a project by an artist called Ally Harris and she developed it when the recession first kicked off last year so I was looking at those sort of issues well the budget certainly drew a crowd but was it thanks to fiscal policy or the freebies on offer to actually have something that when money's mentioned give something away is quite well I think it's quite exciting really it was always going to be a hard budget to digest but at least here in Lancaster art has made it a little more savory so a unique installation there a vending machine that works Robert do you believe that I'm not sure if I if I believe that they could make a machine that does that I didn't believe it because the voice-over artist sounded just like Miranda do you know it's weird you should say hi to me where is that me me I did was it you Miranda no well let's have a look at reports see yellow but is Her Majesty wearing her political colors on her sleeve a leaked memo shows the Labour Party wrote to Buckingham Palace in November asking the Queen to wear the Liberal Democrats colour less often I'm not saying remotely for a moment that this indicates that she is a paid-up member of the Nick Clegg Society however there are messages that are being sent out there there may be subliminal but there are messages all the same but some royal watchers dismiss the idea the Queen wears a varied wardrobe she always looks fantastic what what can she wear she can't wear blue either and she can't wear red so that leaves her with what green and black absolutely flabbergasting a buckingham palace spokesperson said the Queen's dress was a personal matter not a cause for media speculation the Queen wears yellow when Lib Dem leaders come to the palace for drinks though she once had to change after Charles Kennedy mr. bucket does that sound like it to you they do start focusing on the Queen's elections like all what way does she vote and everyone knows she votes green well I snuck out she's not allowed to vote I knew that I knew that okay yes I'm gutted I got something about the Queen wrong because I met her once when she opened a Ling broad a shopping centre and I just feel like we had a bond did you ask her how she votes that's quite a - the kind of person that's green oh really crying [ __ ] what's looking most plausible here at the moment he's either a or b is is is truest he's saying cuz he is clever well I think the time has come to vote so let me recap the stories for you is it a pensioners prepare for international wee boxing competition B vending machine gives away crisps during budget speech or C the queen is accused of dressing in yellow to show support for the Lib Dems please vote a B or C now around her and Rob both gone for the pensioners in the we boxing competition and Shappy believes that the Queen's been accused of bias towards the Lib Dems well I'm very happy to say that you're all wrong is be the vending machine programmed to give away free crisps when darling said certain words in the budget speech uh out of the other two that weren't true which was the most true so who came second that's an extremely complicated question and I don't know no you said the thing the thing about the budget one is that we've all week we were going to fake a budget story you know make some stupid thing up to do with the budget and then a thing stupider than the thing we made up actually happened do you want to know what word Cameron used to explain the economy after the budget yes please mine mine no he called it stuck he says the economy is stuck it's stuck cuz of that [ __ ] yeah we're gonna get in yeah so what it just of the income easy yeah basically it's very bloke you know is the economy's stuck yeah Britain is broken Osbourne said the budget was shafted no yes she said the budget was empty here's a picture of Chief Secretary to the Treasury Liam Byrne Cameron called him Balder Mort it's really in a way it's not allowed it's what it is this shouldn't be allowed at the same time Liam Byrne you shouldn't feel sorry for him when he started working at the Treasury he sent an 11 page document entitled working with Liam Byrne round to the whole department giving a series of detailed instructions including never put anything to me unless you understand it and can explain it to me in 60 seconds what an [ __ ] - have you believed in the the pensioners we competition yeah for me it was the the fake French lady that that was what did it for me but yeah freshly he was real we didn't get a France and get a French lady late they found footage of a crazy French lady the Crilley footage we've we faked but the French footage we found Shappi you went for the political story about the Queen do you think that's the kind of that is the kind of thing they start they always start picking on the Queen's clothes when they don't know what else to talk about they call she wore that hat in 73 at her friend's house for tea and everyone goes all did she really nan once wore a frock that she-wolf on my first date with Prince Philip that's her dad well they're off the funny law yeah and I'm afraid at the end of that round I keep all the points so you fer you've all been living together in a house for a week that's not normal how was it you have a nice time it was very restful but the thing is Miranda was convinced the house was haunted so we didn't sleep a lot there was only I'm only saying there was one ghost what did he look like what'd he look like robbed or shopping I couldn't stop talking cuz I would come across insane and doctors will be ready to take me out your hand though well you've done it you told the story now correct me if I'm getting this wrong is that you woke up because you felt you felt a hand over your throat and you and you were doing this so that it wouldn't strangle you and then you woke up and you were sort of doing that you in the house keep something about this abri that he's married to but you know we all know Happy's David what I call the end of Jenga if you pick the piece that I told you to bit that wouldn't have fallen down then that game would not go moving on and it's back to the newspapers three fresh stories and again only one of them genuinely did feature in the papers while you were in the bubble the other two we faked his story a how dare you this is the news that whilst on a tour of New Zealand Princess Anne's hair was compared to a cottage loaf by a fashion designer whom she just met chappie first impressions I don't think that's true I mean when you meet a royal a member of the royal family the words cottage loaf aren't the first thing that might pop into your head I must get a stamp lady that joke is tier copyright stephen fry in 1988 whose line is it anyway this is I'm gonna come clean yeah yeah okay moving on let's have a look at story be looting strikes twice here we have the news that the tabloids favorite lotto lout Michael Carroll who won nine point seven million pounds back in 2002 has won again although this time he's only trousered a measly three hundred and thirty-eight thousand pounds any thoughts Miranda depressingly I think that can be true I think people who gamble and win always win again if that's true I'm surprised Ladbrokes don't use it as a slogan I'm not sure about that but I'd sort of wish it were true because it's always fun when a deeply undesirable person wins wins the lottery never gets very upset and they go but this is terrible it's as if it's some kind of them isn't it some kind of lottery if we have a system where we randomly give out large sums of money to people yes sometimes it's going to go to an [ __ ] well let's have a look at story see this is the curse of Sheila's wheels this is a news of all three women who starred in those annoying Sheena's wheels adverts have since injured themselves in separate car accidents so what do you think I'd love that to be true not that I wish them harm Ian into the advocate dooda dooda Sheila's reals mrs. Sam defector okay what I'm gonna hear now the end of that habit in time and there's a little photo of one of them with a neck brace on that doesn't really look like any of the top three and you look the middle one middle oh you're being very forensic with your photo analyzing okay well um I'll just recap the story by Rico is it a princess manners little cottage loaf be lotto lamp Michael Carroll wins the lottery again I'll see all three actresses starred in the shooters wheels adverts have since been in car accidents can you vote a B or C now please no or no oh oh Rob's gone for Princess Anne's hair and Rob you're right Oh Princess Anne's hair was compared to a cottage loaf by a fashion designer whom she just met in New Zealand the designer Deniz Lestrange Corbett said the world's hairdressers at your beck and call and your hair looks like a cottage loaf now let's see a picture of this expert on hair styling Peter cane drag she also said after her chat with the Royal she was as boring as [ __ ] batshit chef Ian Miranda you went with the lightning strikes twice it is possible that he'll win again because he does still buy tickets as he says I only do it because I know how much it will piss people off if I win again so that none of you went with the the curse of Sheila's wheels no no no one of the reasons you might not have gone with it is that it's miss spelt and it says the curse of Julia's wheels be fair to say that is not a deliberate error but but it's pleasing without was why you didn't believe it okay I'm not sure that photo is home yes well at the end of that round Robert gets a point right our final round is on the buzzer I'll read you some news stories from the last week that may or may not be real if your first to buzz in please answer real or fake if you're right you win a point if you're wrong you lose a point and I can tell you it's very close but Miranda and Robert are both slightly ahead which is a positive way of saying shabby's come in last let's begin with having made 140 staff redundant Barclaycard has asked them to go to India in order to train their replacements ah Miranda real that's real Air New Zealand has apologised after a staff training manual warned that many Tongan passengers would attempt to drink the plane dry Saffy real that's real comedian David Mitchell has announced he is to split from his long term comedy partner Robert Webb in order to concentrate on a solo career aah Robert fake he's fake hell of a way to break it Heston Blumenthal restaurant the fat duck is now serving froth seasoned with the salt of human tears ah branda true real great I have to take your second answer it's fake Tony Benn has admitted that he was drunk when he named his son Hilary ah Brandon real fake Oh Joanna Lumley has severed her links with the Gurkhas after one of them gusta ah that is fake the Large Hadron Collider has blown up and there is very little left of Switzerland fake that's fake and finally Lancashire Council has chopped down over six thousand trees at a beauty spot to stop the area being used for dogging ah fake that's real so the winner is Robert well on Netflix thank you to my guests Miranda Hart Robert Webb and shabby Khorsandi sadly this is the last in the series so never coming out of the bubble will be hazel Blair's Keith Chegwin and Robert Mugabe it's Thanksgiving and Noah's got himself a dates had a whole heap of trouble heroes the first of a double bill starts at 11:55 here on BBC two you

Channel: Vladut Alecsandru

Views: 185,733

Rating: 4.8934913 out of 5

Keywords: David Mitchell (Comedian), The Bubble (TV Program), Miranda Hart, Shappi Khorsandi, Robert Webb

Id: -8W1qT1F9UI

Length: 29min 27sec (1767 seconds)

Published: Thu Sep 12 2013