The Bubble S01E05

take three celebrities send them off to a remote house in the country then seal them in with no computers TVs newspapers or mobile phones they'll be completely cut off from the outside world so how will they know what's been going on while they've been in the bubble David Mitchell and welcome to the bubble a show where we ask three celebrities to spend the week completely cut off from the outside world no newspapers no TV no internet nothing so they won't know that the marriage between Kate Winslet and Sam Mendes has split down the middle just like the Titanic though an iceberg is not involved let's tape through a lettuce at him now fans of the show have been saying they'd like to see more of what goes on when the guests are inside the bubble well your wish is my command happy now press the red button and you can see less of that before we set them free we're going to show them a selection of news reports some of them are genuine some of them have been faked but will they be able to tell the difference so let's meet tonight's guests straight from the bubble please welcome Josie long Tim key and Katy brand well well welcome to you all thank you so you've genuine living been isolated from all news media and TV and Internet and everything right even how to talk to each other really well because you've been so isolated you won't know the terrible news that David Beckham has injured his ankle and won't be in the World Cup as a result his his the expression is his World Cup dream is over is that true although it's yes that is true are you shocked oh my god you can just look so strong when we went into the bubble well there you go I went through three seconds I went oh that's a shame I think he's a dick oh I'm waiting for that's coming yes when they only yeah also this blood his World Cup dream is a boring dream he's been in World Cups before but his dreams like oh I hope works like it was yesterday he turns out of the world cap Englander win the World Cup he leaves the World Cup yes I turn up at work I don't get promoted time to go anyway let's start with some TV news stories you're gonna see three news reports but only one of them is real and has been broadcast while you were inside the bubble the other two are fakes can you spot the real story let's have a look at report a acne an affliction suffered by more than 90% of teenagers in the UK and many it seems are prepared to go to drastic lengths to find a cure even if it involves putting snails on your face from this small clinic in Kent dermatologists and green is using so-called snail therapy to treat patients with the skin condition of snail trails contain the enzyme which have been found to be very effective in treating blackheads and spots the reason we use live snails is because the trails are fresher and much more potent been keen became a convert after all other spot treatments he tried failed it does sound a bit weird but I mean my skin's definitely improved and you notice and if fatty is it's a disgusting I dunno my oh my friends thought so but I'm bout to me I'd I'd rather have snails on my face and spots with the market for acne products seemingly every expanding could it be that acne sufferers will soon be queuing up not at the pharmacy but at the snail farm Josie when you were a teenager would you have put snails on your face to fit in well I'm from Kent and I have objections there are no doctors in Kent right sister secondly that he doesn't have a Kentish accent a Kentish accent is like alright what why are you doing that I hate immigrants you really you love him just have doubts this is good also at the end when he went pharmacy to a snail farm there's no there's no such thing as a snail farm is that well yeah I think so I think the French eat snails and I don't think they collect them individually I think now you're sure there's a farm I'm in Ken there are orchards and racist I think what you might be doing is taking a few or being upsetting experiences from your childhood and extrapolating wildly what happens when you've used that when your spots are gone do then eat them or what I don't know that might be slightly cannibalistic it's like a vicious circle because all your spots go and then you eat them like dripping in garlic butter and all your spots come back so you have to get more snails what what they'd be dripping in this is your own social grease yeah this years I've been marinating in me so they wouldn't get the whole you know they just eat seems to be just going along there yeah you'd have to have someone with you'd have to have the trainer whatever say we stupid snail fool yes I just get this line and just put it straight on you don't need the snail well the guy said the fresher the goo the better the guy said okay he's a fake guy yeah let's have a look at story B that's not real if their bottom she introduces it as an imitation report but within moments panic spreads across the country the presenter says that Russian tanks have entered Georgia and viewers has shown these pictures the images are in fact from the 2008 war but as viewers are told that the Russian Air Force is also now involved many begin to fear the worst the station then cuts to a talk show and apologizes for the panic the reporters caused but outside angry and confused Georgians were already demanding answers the station says it was trying to show the real threat of how events might unfold but few will be thanking them for the chaos it created is this an example of is this the Georgian bubble with an example of just how wrong the program can go if the wrong producers in tonight they did invent never there are Sparrow parallels yeah with this shape just be careful Mitchell that's what I'm saying right yes well you know that was certainly BBC news his feeling was this is that this show could cause mass panic because I'm so plausible that's a bit like I said what was that oh no I'm good show me more of the world's that like that's awesome well 4000 ghost watch takes me back pipes doesn't take him out Den Bosch remembers a thing with Sarah green really watched Halloween everyone thought that she'd been killed and Michael Aspel hosted it from the studio and there was a couple two guys called pipes don't remember that oh come on man hang on this is and everyone thought she was dead anymore so everyone in Britain but it was real I remember watching it I was terrified a ghost called PI pipes is in the play love pike come on granddad remember it's like the taking breaks between your Latin homework I remember what I've watched a lot of Knight Rider is not closable yeah do you know what I didn't believe it was true obviously I'd seen the thing with Sarah greener a ghost called pipes I would have shot myself have a look anyway it reports see yet the realistic he is the world's highest-paid speaker charging up to six thousand pounds a minute but now it's being claimed that Tony Blair will go to any lengths to avoid a reception like this one the infamous Women's Institute speech he later describes as terrifying thank you very much it was alleged by The Telegraph this week that Britain's former PM has been hiring people to clap during his speeches we shouldn't necessarily be too surprised about this because this is exactly the way that he behaved when he was Labour leader at his party conference speeches there they were the performing seals clapping their flippers and this is exactly what you expected many many political speeches now this ain't a surprise but agents for big-name speakers are more skeptical I'm afraid I think it's nonsense I think it's a very good idea because it's just the same as a floor manager in telly getting an audience to clap but I don't think it's true true or not one thing is clear this former prime minister hasn't lost his knack for attracting controversy Tony Blair refused to comment on the story as no and offered him any cash but um okay do you think Blair's that shallow yes definitely it's one of the things I like most about him let's would throw morals out the window he becomes a bit sort of like a sort of quite a sort of sexy Bond villain quite like to Quentin let's was obviously trying to be a bit cool when he went that ain't a good idea yeah yeah he was pleased with that wasn't it then he showed everyone is Nike High shops is that a shoe yes well I think the time has come to vote to recap the three stories are a snail trails can correctly be fake news report causes panic in Georgia or see Tony Blair is hiring people to applaud during his speeches so which is the real story please vote a B or C now right well Katie's comfort Tony Blair hiring people to applaud during his speeches purely because she finds him so sexy and Josie and Tim you've gone for be the fake news report causing panic in Georgia well I'm happy to say Tim and Josie you're both right well Duffy and the production office came up with snails on faces and then made that poor boy neither he was paid if that was the work experience runner then I'm gonna find out that's that poor boy was the series producer Sam Oh television I love you oh come on it's not that bad a snail on your face for a bit dude yeah we don't know what the long-term effects are gonna be you're gonna feel really bad in a year's time if he's you know all of his skins peeled off he goes a shell yeah you're suggesting that the snails were shagging both sets of sexual organ JOA see right up the nostril and that one on the back there I don't know what's coming out of it but this is just a bit of general goo yeah when did you last have a snail on your face I've never had a snail on my face all right have you ever said that's just a bit of general goose yes the the Georgia news report was real and genuinely caused a huge amount of of panic and then everyone got furious the broadcaster's excuse was that it was trying to show the real threat of how events might unfold I don't know whether that's what the news is actually supposed to do I think that's what the weather does oh and Katie you believed Tony Blair would have hired clappers I think Tony Blair doesn't wouldn't ever actually thinking about it now wouldn't need to hire in professional clappers all you'd have to do is go well you could either clap and let me carry on or if you don't like me I could go off and Gordon Brown could come and talk and then everyone would just wildly start loading because however bad Tony Blair is that's just that's the insanity much much worse he's like the disappointing main course in a restaurant famous for horrible puddings yeah well at the end of that round Tim and Josie well done you both get a point next we move on to the newspapers three stories and again only one of them genuinely did feature in the newspapers while you were inside the bubble the other two are fakes can you tell the difference so here's story a this is the news that a new lipstick has gone on sale that changes color when women are turned on in tests it led to a number of sexual assaults on clowns Josie does that look plausible to you yes I have products you think you it doesn't look plausible but I do like the idea of clowns being sexually assaulted global hypercolor that came and went global pipes used to wear I've got me isolated my education was not a 15-year bubble what teachers I've had a heat-sensitive die in them so that people could put don't look at me like that people could put hot hands on a t-shirt and you would see their cans in color and then if your dad wore one and danced it yeah it would what yeah we're all go multicolored under your armpits well why aren't all clothes like right so the idea is it's a t-shirt that could sort of show if you're a bit sweaty and if someone's groped you once I'm sure I can make it with call yeah don't mock the cords okay well let's have a look at some story be this like this is the news that a camera has gone on sale on the internet that takes naked photographs of fully clothed people by using the same technology as the new airport scanners why are all of these sexy stories there anyway well there are a lot of sexy stories in the press we live in a sort of sex obsessed culture I'm a sex addict my effect the show enjoy a level I don't I'm not even aware of like this is quite plausible whoever has mocked this up if this is not true knows their tabloids because how are we an might look is exactly what oh yeah very paper would do with their with their current favourite page three girl quite fit did she I think they might have deliberately chosen just to keep the story and the round of this show keep it nice and sex it would be a very different game face if for some bizarre reason that tabloid a chosen Ann Widdecombe to initiate their point and I think they probably would have to use the technology because they may not be so many extant photographs yeah we're dependent artless yeah oh yeah she refers to her bosom as her upper circumference that I really know I really like that I sound almost astronomical yeah I mean in the sense to do with massive planetary bodies not in the sense fantastic okay well let's have a look at story see and there's another sexy story this is a news that a 13 year old boy has ordered strippers on his father's credit card for his birthday party he got caught so that's the last time he'll borrow a credit card for sexual gratification next time he'll just use the hole in the wall you can't chastise them because they say she said it you look really pleased to you I thought they should be pleased with me as well some consensus I'm pleased with it since clink with me you hate me anyway Tim what do you reckon well I don't know it's almost worse or scrimping to get a bit of money if you want to do that sort of thing rather than what has everything terribly something like a kind of patrician kind of a guy it's always let's scream together out of money why do I did a paper round yeah for winter we took week and I hired my own prostitute I joined screwing her all the more okay well before you vote let's recap the stories is it a new lipstick changes color when you're turned on be a camera that takes naked pictures is for sale on the internet or see a 13 year old boy orders strippers on his father's credit card please vote a B or C now oh right well Josie and Tim both gone for the camera that takes naked photographs Katy you've gone for the new lipstick that changes color and well kiddo happy to say you're right follow the article each 12 pound tube comes with a color chart so men can be their artists feeling there's one thing that turns me on it's a man consulting a chart so at the end of that round katie gets a point so you've all you've all been living together in a house for the best part of a week what was that like I did my homework yeah which is just the writing that I've got to do and then in the evenings we would play game a card game called [ __ ] where yeah where the loser is called [ __ ] and I lost every single game of [ __ ] that we played so that was mostly what I did I worked on my own during the day and then I was just sort of set myself up to be called [ __ ] for the rest but maybe if you've been a bit more sociable people wouldn't believe evaluation who would have contrived a game the manipulation yeah all day just I wasn't there though in this case of seven is higher than a nine Josie did have matter but Jesse's doing maths a-level I kept having nightmares that I was doing maths a-level so I thought I might as well do maths a-level now I'm bloody living the dream yeah well yeah well now I'm done I'm very impressed that you're genuinely taking on unnecessary education well we'll move on to the next round which is a roundup of some more stories you'll have missed because you're in the bubble have a look at these three quick reports see what you think story a reading based band League of the righteous were raided by police after they must stop them for an Iranian back terrorist group called the League of the righteous we didn't know that we shared a name of a terrorist group at all we were practicing here about ten o'clock must have been before we knew it suddenly we had armed police on us story be a no AP from Norfolk is teaching his fellow pensioners to defend themselves using their walking sticks if what they're saying is they need to protect themselves then you need to know where you will hit to do that with L causing serious damage and stories see after a group announces plans to run the London Marathon dressed as Muslim cleric Abu Hamza there are protests as all religious dresses pan I think the organisers of the land American have gone completely nuts the fun nuns are one of the centerpieces of the marathon I I really really want the first one to be true so much the League of the righteous yeah let's take her for the League of the righteous some easy mistake to make they have identical names you know yeah it's like mistaking you for David Mitchell exactly it is very similar to that I did not oh yeah yeah but you wouldn't be arrested for writing Cloud Atlas would you Cloud Atlas is not a lot of terrorism I didn't know there was another David Mitchell I was just imagining someone Oh David Mitchell incredibly unusual though my name is there is you know several other David Mitchell's including a former Tory MP the author of Cloud Atlas and Dame Nellie Melba 's father although he to give him credit is dead to delay the other ones well I'm waiting traffic are you the top David Mitchell when you google um yes that's a moment I thought shall I deny having Google I'm sorry there's anyone on earth with a computer who hasn't googled their name then they're basically they need help recognizing their own engine yeah it's weirder to deny it now isn't it yeah that's like suffering just from a sort of appalling chronic lack of curiosity isn't it yeah exactly yes like never having masturbated right well I think the time has come to vote so just to recap on the stories is it a police raid band after mix up over name be OAP Walkingstick self-defense classes proved popular in Norfolk or see London Marathon bands religious dress after discovering runners plant addresses abu hamza one is real - a fakes please vote a B or C now well Josie's gone for a the mix-up over the legal righteous and the other two you've gone for the OAP self-defense classes well I have to say Tim and Katie you're right a lot better here tonight and I normally do when I play along at home which is sad because when I play along at home I've obviously had access to the news yes 61 year-old Kevin Garwood from Norwich has indeed developed a new form of martial art and has been teaching his contemporary to defend themselves using walking sticks don't think it counts as a martial art if you just one day pick up your walking stick and start waving it around it is when look that's not just waving it around it's gonna be ahead like I so CSU you wanted to believe and did believe the League of the righteous story it's a double sadness that it isn't true and I didn't win I thought you might have seemed to because you might recognize the band as the guys from malar face you know that the band malar face they wanted us to mention their name Alif is a deterrent would you also be willing to look straight down your camera and say that manifests your favorite band manifests are my favorite bands yeah I think I might just finish that career but no that wasn't true but it strikes me that I hope that when the police are looking to arrest terrorists they do more than just look up the name it's all about I thought I was like Middle Eastern group but lucky for us they seem to be based in ready well at the end of that round Tim and Katie both get points Oh me and Tim getting all those papers in in the problem you see now I said that people on the internet will go well I was at the recording she said they got papers in people ask me that on Twitter I have to go no they didn't get papers it would render the entire thing utterly pointless that's um that's too many characters for Twitter if people keep saying how come there's a TV in there you know and where I can say with possible to have a TV screen on which you can watch DVD and not receive BBC we'll Anjali Theret that all the TVs are disconnected I think I'll destroy Channel 4 News you actually can use the Internet yeah anyway our final round is on the buzzer is that still sorry is it still all to play for yeah question oh it's joke see out of five we buy all nothing okay yes but this is all to play for there's a lot of points are exchanged in the last round otherwise I wouldn't above it yeah please continue to bother I understood it you were booked for the ink final round I'll read you some news stories from the last week that may or may not be real if your first abuzz in please answer real or fake if you're right you win a point if you're wrong you lose a point so let's begin with according to her personal psychic jordans sunbed may be possessed ah JC I think that's fake it's real the syringe said to have administered the fatal dose of drugs to Michael Jackson is set to go on sale in Las Vegas Tim fake real someone has hacked into Google Earth and renamed all the capital cities Margate that'd be real fake in Nottingham sure a fleet of Chinese sky lanterns inscribed with people's hopes and dreams have crashed and burnt down Jeff Coons shed fake fake it in yeah Gordon Brown has been labeled as a slapper by Mumsnet after talking to rival site netmums jesse real that is real in an escalation of the Downing Street bullying Rao it has been claimed that Alastair Campbell once gave mo Mowlam a Chinese firm fake that's fake overcome with emotion the owner of the winning dog at Crufts this week said he and his pet were lovers ah they take real fake Oh and finally Anthea Turner's to date tour an audience at Anthea canceled after a 780 seat venue only managed to sell two tickets Katy real 83 so the winner is Tim anyway thank you to my guests Katie bran Tinky and Josie long join me next week when we'll be back on Friday and when coming out of the bubble will be Miranda Hart Robert Webb Shappy Khorsandi and the cast and crew of Andrew Lloyd Webber's unpopular new musical Love Never Dies although I may have made one of those up good night you

Channel: Vladut Alecsandru

Views: 122,015

Keywords: David Mitchell (Comedian), The Bubble (TV Program), Katy Brand, Josie Long, Tim Key

Id: pkXz_VaXVQg

Length: 29min 11sec (1751 seconds)

Published: Thu Sep 12 2013