Is he frozen? He's dead. Welcome to Sad Boyz, a podcast
about feelings and other things also. - I'm Jarvis.
- I'm Jordan. And today we're joined by two! - Count 'em, two! Special guests.
- Wait! - Two. That's right.
- [JARVIS] He counted them. Wait, I have to make sure as well. (softly) One, two. - Nuh-uh. You're close.
- You're done. - You're done. You got it, yeah!
- Yay! Eddy Burback and Drew Gooden. And how old are you? - It's gonna take so long.
- Keep talking. It's gonna take a while. How many fingers do I have? Hey, guys. - (sighs) This again.
- Yeah, we're doing a podcast. - Come on, man.
- I feel like I was just on here. Yeah – yeah, you were. Eddy's never been here before. Been...? You recorded the episode
at the old place. Right, but also, I've been
to your house many times, and we've thrown a party here, and also, I don't know
if a lot of people know, the Burback videos are recorded
in this very spot currently. - Nope.
- So I've been here quite a bit. We have you in one of those rooms that they do in The Mandalorian,
where they project the background. - You're on The Volume.
- And so you think you've been in here. - Oh, OK.
- That's why it's not very good. 'Cause it's on The Volume. - The Burback stuff?
- Yeah. It feels like, "I'm not
in an immersive space, - and there's not enough extras on set."
- Did you like when we, uh, brought a bunch of Star Wars
animated characters to life, though? - I remember them, so I liked that.
- [EDDY] Cool. I saw X-wing; "That, from before. - I like the movie."
- "Oh, I know that!" They fly now? - How the hell are you doing?
- Yeah. My stomach just was so loud. That won't catch on the mic, but... Well... - I can't do it on command.
- (grumbling noise) - "It's me."
- I can. - [JORDAN] "Free me!"
- You need to put in a sound effect there. - I can't be seen lying.
- [JORDAN] Wait, try it again? [JORDAN] Help! - Poor little guy.
- All right, let's change the subject. "I'm a chicken sandwich!" The man, the myth, the legend. This episode is dedicated to the beach bum himself, the master of the sea, the... sandwich guy. Restaurant Rick, or Jimmy Buffett, rest in peace – rest in beach – died at 76 years old. - Rest at the – rest at the beach.
- Rest in paradise. - Sex in the beach.
- Rest on the rocks. Maybe not "rest at the beach,"
'cause it has "rat" in the abbreviation. - RATB.
- Jimmy Buffett, RAT. That's almost the acronym
for Rage Against the Machine, which is, uh, Rage Against the Bachine. - [JARVIS] So, think about it.
- Dude, Rage Against the Buffett. Oh no. Some people were so weird in the comments to me and Ted - when Jimmy Buffett died. It's like...
- Yeah. For people that don't know, I made a Margaritaville video, so I was very recently associated with and joked about Jimmy a lot. Um, people... Some people just going to the video and just saying "Jimmy Buffett is dead." And it's like, yeah,
I know. You don't think that I maybe know by now? Why do you know so much? Or like, yeah, jokingly
implicating you in his death, - and it's like, what?
- Yeah. That's the thing, is there wasn't even really a joke there. Some people were like, "You did this!" And it's like, what? Actually, what is the bit? - Right.
- That is what comedy is to, like, a lot of people. That's what, like, unfunny
people have as comedy, is the two things together. "Have you ever noticed that your
dog goes outside, but so do you? What's up with that, right? Well?" I guess I am kind of a dog now. [JARVIS & JORDAN] Wow. I gotta sniff somebody's ass. All right, I'll volunteer. That was what I learned when I listened to people doing stand-up in the metaverse, - Ugh, yeah.
- was a lot of the humor was just, - "Black people! Thoughts?"
- "Run!" Do you think any of those people – and they were children, so
they wouldn't be allowed to, but do you think they
would have the confidence - to do those jokes at an actual...?
- No way. - [DREW] No way.
- Well, someone was weirdly doing Mitch Hedberg's jokes. But, like, so badly that
it didn't even track that it was a Mitch Hedberg joke. They wouldn't have the
confidence to go to a comedy club. - Right.
- The atmosphere would be too intense. And they might see a Black person. - And they'd have to shower.
- Yeah. And take off their headset. If they added the
technology in the metaverse that your avatar smelled the way you do while playing, that would be... Yeah, like Smell-O-Vision? - Like back when...
- It'd be a nightmare for a lot of users. It would finally go to zero players. They would be forced out. You know what we should do? We should add some kind of smell-meter next to every Reddit account. - Oh, yeah.
- 'Cause then anytime you see something on Reddit,
you can go, "Oh, I get it." I want, um... Now, this might be a little more practical - to implement in real life –
- A gun. - [JARVIS] Yes, I do want –
- It'd be practical, yeah. I want, on YouTube comments, a timestamp of how far into the video – - We've talked about this, yeah.
- Absolutely. - Obligated.
- There were, like – With some videos, you mention something directly and people will be like,
"Why didn't you talk about this?" - It's like, "I know you didn't –"
- "I know you're 4 minutes in - to the 20-minute video."
- Yeah. Like, just wait. Before you did stuff online, did you comment or talk in any...? Like, I just have never really, like, been a part of comment discussions - before I made stuff.
- A little bit. A little bit. Only nice things. I have – but I think a lot of the time my commenting is sending it to, like, a friend, and then having my own little
private comment section, I think. Yeah, not publicly commenting. I mean... It's hard to say, 'cause
I've been doing this for so long. - [DREW] I don't even remember.
- Yeah, you're so old. - [JORDAN] You look like shit.
- I'm 100 years old. 100 years young! Um... I just pooped my pants. Sorry. Um... What were we talking about? He's getting so old. By the way, where am I,
and could someone pick me up? Is this live on the radio right now? I'm so old I don't know of podcasts. I only know of the radio. So self-aware about his lack of awareness. I don't know what a podcast is, even though I was
the one to bring up - that I don't know what a podcast is.
- Yeah, hold on. Carry the one. Is this Johnny Carson? All right. Go on. You were talking. "Go on," I say to myself,
'cause I was the one talking. Where were we before this? That's great. Just put it
on them every time. - "Go on?"
- "And you said...?" [JORDAN] "And I was saying...?" I don't know about before I was, like, a public figure, but now that I am, I definitely try not to
comment mean things, but I do like to comment. Like, if I watch a video
and it's like, "This is great," - I try to comment.
- Yeah. Sometimes they're
like, "Cool. I'm a fan. That means a lot coming from you." So... I have the opposite, where I find a
bunch of small YouTubers and I comment, - "You'll never amount to anything.
- "Quit." Quit right now." "Also, they added this new
YouTube feature of my watch time, and I did only watch 10 seconds." "It says I watched -5 seconds
of the video, which..." "It says I haven't clicked
on the video yet." "I'm writing this from the
algorithm page, the home feed." "Speed run pause to a new YouTuber to tell them they'll never make it." - You click on the video, "bam!"
- Yeah. "Get someone to quit YouTube, any%." - "Try getting lucky, just like me."
- [JARVIS] Yeah. "Shoot. I was suspended for
what I said. This is jacked up." "Please, please tell them to let me back." [EDDY] "Please give me special treatment." [JARVIS] "Please pin this.
Let the people know." - "Edit: Thanks for 1,000 likes, guys!"
- Yeah. Well, what's funny with how YouTube works is if you edit a comment
that's been pinned, it automatically unpins it. I think they make sure that someone doesn't edit it
to say something horrible. But I've had people be like,
"Oh my god, I got pinned," and then they get unpinned.
And I don't re-pin it if I see it, 'cause I'm like, "Nope, you blew it." [JARVIS] You had one chance.
and you ruined it. "You have to learn
your lesson the hard way." I get so excited of this... Every time you upload a video, the bit where you pin
somebody saying something, like, - kind of mean, or...
- Yeah. Because the thing is, I feel like probably the first one was
maybe somebody meaning it, but now it's like where there's a new video it's rushed with people being like,
"Oh my god, who cares?" Yeah, it's so mean, and sometimes I forget
that they're just doing a bit. But even if they're not doing a bit, - it's nice to just assume that they are,
- Yeah. and they don't affect me anymore. But someone even commented
once to call out the fact that – They're like, "I love how
every time Drew uploads a video, he's clearly sitting there scrolling, trying to find one comment
that makes him giggle." And I saw that as I was
doing that, where I'm like, - "No, no, no. Too generic."
- You – "remove from channel." - "You never get to comment again."
- Yeah. "Edit this. Edit this immediately." Yeah. But yeah, some of those are just so funny. Like, I know people probably, like, prepare them ahead of time,
'cause they have them ready to go, but it's still fun to read
them. They'll be like, "Get out of the way, I'm trying
to watch the video," or like, "Get this guy off the screen." I mean, yeah, I don't really recall engaging with comments and... Capital-D Discourse is just tiring to me, because I can maybe do two back-and-forths. I mean, in general with online discourse, like on Twitter when people
are arguing back and forth, it 99% of the time does not end - with either of them changing their minds.
- No. And if it does, then it's almost cringier to me 'cause then the reply of, like, "what a wholesome interaction"
or "you guys win the internet today," "that's rare to see." It's like, I actually hate that more.
I wish they had just stood their ground. - Have a backbone, dude.
- It's like, come on. Methinks this is epic. Also, with Twitter Blue now,
it's like I can't... It was already hell before, but I can't see - anybody interacting anymore.
- It makes me so mad, because I wanna read – I feel like a big part of my experience on Twitter
was reading the replies. I would wanna see, "Oh, what
are the funny replies gonna be?" - Yeah.
- And now it's just - all blue-checks.
- What's even the point of seeing an insane tweet if they're not getting
dunked on right below? It's just like the cry-laughing face is what's the first reply
bumped to the top, and it's like, "You did a
great job with this website, man. You're really making me wanna scroll." "Um, this." They've gotta have a metric that's like how many – how many replies people are seeing, and that number has
to have gone off a cliff since they changed, like, - the Twitter Blue stuff.
- I'll open a tweet and immediately go, "Oh, yeah, wait, it's Twitter Blue.
I'm not gonna read more." I truly don't think I – I didn't really appreciate how much the engagement of other funny people on a funny tweet was kinda the dessert. Or even the initial tweet is the appetizer, and it's like, "Let's see what
Juniper said to this fucking idiot." Whereas now there's no... My thumb's getting tired
from scrolling past people saying, "So that just happened." I have seen so many version of the "we're not gonna subscribe to your OnlyFans" joke. - Mmhmm.
- Yeah. And it's like it's always, like, some photoshopped meme of, like, a 1920s infographic of a guy - A Chad.
- with the Chad jaw going, "Um, nice try, OnlyFans model." The reply system is so broken that – You know how there's those automated ones where people will be like,
"Downloader bot," or whatever, and so they'll do that and
the downloader bot will reply and download the video for them. But since those bots are verified, the top replies will sometimes be
someone being like, "Download this," and "OK, here's your
video." And it's like... This is a private thing for them. Why is this at the top? "Hey, Mom, check this out." On the bright side, I can enjoy the delicious food at McDonald's, right there in the middle of my... As I'm reading blue-check replies, I get a little sponsored one
in there too, to remind me... Or "related tweets," where now I'm reading
something about a completely... Like, something not related at all. - And then I go, "Why am I scrolling this?"
- Oh my god, yeah. Yeah, they throw those at the bottom. Like, "What does this
have to do with anything?" - "Oh, I'm in the wrong place."
- I started blocking every ad I saw just to see what would happen,
and I kinda wish I didn't, because now I don't even see just
the normal McDonald's ones anymore. It's all crypto. It's all just like a graph, and I don't know what the line chart
is for, but it's just like, "investment." But if you invest, you'll
10x your money in a second. - I guess I should click on those, then.
- It's been 2 seconds. You're in debt now. - Oh no!
- Oh, no, they've rug-pulled. Oh, god. Oh, god. Oh, I lost everything. Who could have seen that coming? - Yeah.
- Have you guys seen that, like, the phenomena is if you make any joke with the word "hack" or "hacked," - 30 immediate, automatic comments.
- Yeah. Like, "I'm going to Elon's
house right now to help you. Pay for my Uber?" Have you seen the, um... T-shirt bots? - Yeah.
- Oh, yeah. Like, that blows my mind. - It's happened to my merch.
- Yeah. Like, if you post a photo of a T-shirt, like if you're advertising your merch... - Or just wearing a shirt.
- Or wearing a shirt. I think it gets activated when
somebody in the replies asks, like, - what shirt is he wearing.
- "Where can I get this?" - Yeah. Well, I posted...
- In an ad for a shirt. I once tweeted a photo of a T-shirt, and all of the replies were different T-shirt bots. Who had... Some of them had taken the photo
that I had just posted on Twitter and linked to it on
their website as if to say, "Buy this shirt here," and
then it's my photograph. And I was like, "This is crazy
that this is all automated." And it must be making enough money to keep the operation afloat. I can't imagine it does, but I guess every once in a while
there's one that's on a viral enough tweet with an interesting enough thing. Well, yeah. I mean... We were gonna talk
about this last week. I'm curious for your thoughts. The whole Kwebbelkop AI channel? - Oh my god. That's insane.
- The views are not great, - Yeah.
- but it's free and no work. Right. Yeah. I guess he was like, "I don't wanna
do this anymore. I'm gonna retire anyway." But it's like, way to go out in flames and just have everyone hate you. Like, it's endearing. It's not content. Have you seen any of it? I saw a bit of it, but for
people that don't know – That sounds like I don't know,
but I actually have seen a bit of it. Do either of you feel confident
explaining the whole bit of it? So, Kwebbelkop was a
former Minecraft YouTuber, - I think, primarily?
- Yeah. He was practically AI-generated already. His content was just like Let's Play-style. I never really saw it.
He was, like, loud. - He was a loud Minecraft guy.
- He strove for, like, a slightly younger audience, uh... I only know him from
us, like, meeting him once. - In like 2018 or something?
- Yeah. I don't think I've ever seen – The real one or the VTuber version? - The real one.
- I know him from the SunnyV2 video about how he ruined his career. - Oh, OK.
- Which follows the same, like, ethos as all SunnyV2s, which is like, he didn't fall off because of sliding content and middling, uh, activity online. Instead, (Australian accent)
he was always flexing his wealth, and the kids don't like seeing that. (Australian accent) And
unfortunately, karma caught up to him. And now he's failing
in his $15-million mansion. He deserved it. We win. - Wait, so it's –
- Also, fat people are bad. (all talking at once) Sorry; yeah, that wasn't a quote. But basically, yeah, he... in the most kind of, uh... kind of an elegantly cynical move, has now replaced all of his channel output, after a pretty extended hiatus, I think, like a year or two
before actually releasing in-person stuff, he now has a, at the top left, a floating face cam of a VTuber version of himself. I don't know if they're just reusing the gameplay content, like every... - Yeah, that's what I don't understand.
- Anybody could be playing it. They could pay anybody to just
play Minecraft for like 10 minutes. And then the commentary, or the script for the
commentary, is AI-generated. And then also an AI-generated voice, or he's reading it out himself? I think it's an AI-generated voice of – uh, I think they created
with his voice, right? Like, he's not doing anything. The voice clones are really good. Um, I do know, though, that he is pretty active on Twitter still, and there were some people like, "Ugh, AI, blah-blah-blah,
I can always tell." And then he was like, "You
think you can always tell? Well, it hasn't all been automated. We've actually been replying to..." Like, 'cause his Twitter's supposedly - AI also now.
- Right. And he's like, "Oh, actually, sometimes people are responding, and you still can't tell, so joke's
on you." So I guess his point was, um – He's so uninteresting that he
could pass for a computer program? - [JARVIS] Yeah, that.
- Yeah, it's like, uh, "I can always tell when
it's an AI illustration 'cause they have 7 fingers on one hand." They're like, "The joke's on you.
Sometimes I have too many fingers." "Joke's on you. I don't know how to count." "Who's the idiot now?" I recently feel like, especially with AI writing, I don't know if I can actually communicate
with a person who thinks AI writing is like a good –
like, is actual art. Yeah, a productive
step forward for humanity. Yeah. It really fucks
me up, because it's like, "We fundamentally disagree on what art is. I don't think I can have a conversation
with you about the writers strike if you're like, 'Well, fuck them.'" "I didn't like the Marvel movie recently, - so they should all die.'"
- "Yeah, so people don't deserve rights." "We should give them
the opposite of insurance. They have to get hurt. Every day." Because in their ideal universe... the movies are more
like the comics, or what? I don't know what they want. Yeah. It's like – well, also, when... Usually, if somebody's commenting like, "The writing's been shit lately anyways, look at all these blockbusters," it's like, that's the other side of the strike. Those are the studios making those movies. Like, the writers on those big blockbusters do not get, like, barely a say in what
they're making, pretty much. Yeah. And even though they are
attached to a huge blockbuster thing, they're not being paid fairly, like, compared to what the studios are making from the thing they're
forcing them to write, when they'd rather write something
more creative and interesting - that would resonate with people.
- Also, it's not even a discussion about whether or not you like the writing. Does the writing make money? - Yes?
- Yeah. Then there's a portion of it
that the writers should keep. It's like, we don't even need to
have that conversation of, like, whether or not you like the writing. - It's just about the studios making –
- Like, "This chicken sandwich is mid. I'm not gonna pay." What do you mean? And you think think the studios are gonna advocate for
better writing via the AI? You think they give one shit? What are they training the AI on? But let's say you pull over
and there's a lemonade stand with two kids selling lemonade. - Mm, tasty.
- And after you pay them $1, their mom walks out and snatches the dollar from their hand and throws a dime on the table. Would you be like, "Well,
how did the lemonade taste? What was the quality of
this fucking lemonade?" Like, "She must have given you the lemons. Must have been the hardest bit. So... "If the kids aren't happy,
they should be a vending machine." Also, yeah, the thing that's gonna happen – Like, they're already trying to turn the writers into machines, where it's like, "Just do a sequel to what's already been successful. Follow X, Y, and Z things
that have already worked. Don't venture artistically at all." And then if there's
any pushback, it's like, "Oh, we can get a computer to replace you, - because the computer can't push back."
- Yeah. It's – so it's only going to create more... It's like if you think that Marvel movies are mass-produced, like, trash now, - just wait until a computer's doing it.
- That's what's crazy. The people against the strike
because "everything's formulaic," so you want a robot to do it? - Like, the robot's gonna bring ingenuity?
- It literally works in formulas. - Yeah.
- It actually literally can't. - It cannot come up with new ideas.
- Yeah. Absolutely insane. And then even, like, a lot of these
people I assume are very capitalism-pilled. Wouldn't they be in support of, like, if something makes more
money? That's an incentive. If they get residuals, depending
on how much the movie makes, then that should be an incentive
to write better or whatever. You'd think they would even think
that way and be like, "OK, I see it," but they're so, you know, just agreeing with the thumb guy who's complaining about pronouns, like... - Yeah.
- Yeah, art is in the abstract. Like, as soon as it is –
also, a lot of the time, the people complaining at some point had the desire - to be involved either as creatives,
- Yeah. or most often like, "I wanted to be in games media. I was gonna be a big reviewer,
very successful reviewer, and then I said that, like, Brie Larson, not so cool," and that got views, and now they have to - funnel all their time into...
- Yeah. A different version of
"Brie Larson is mid." You know, which,
AI could write those videos. - I mean, those are plug-and-play.
- It sometimes feels like - AI is writing those videos.
- But what fascinated me for – I guess 'cause we mentioned it, the thumb guy with Starfield, for people that don't know, is just, uh... a gamer. - The fact that, in an RPG –
- "Fucking pronouns!" In an RPG, where you're
constantly talking to people, it just asked you your preferred pronouns, and he freaked the fuck out. Um... What was fascinating to me is that he was like, pleading to Bethesda,
the company that made it, like, "I need an escape from the real world." And he kept saying this concept of, like, "But you keep putting this current-day shit in the game." And it's like, so you... Are you upset that the real world is reflected in the art
that they're making? Which you will be immersed in. - Yeah.
- Like the real world. And it's like, fundamentally, how do you think a
fictional world gets made, other than somebody's own experience pouring into something
fictional that they're making? Just this, like... To say, like, "this current-day stuff," and it's
like, what...? - So you want it to be like...?
- You're not allowed for modern-day influences
to influence your work. You have to... Anything has to be 10 years or older. Also, the game is set in the future. Yeah, I know. And he's like,
"This current-day bullshit." Can you imagine walking
into Bethesda and being like, "I have a great idea for
a game. So, it's kinda like a Skyrim-in-space type of thing. But what makes it special is that it's kind of like the morals of American society in, like, the 1940s. - So that's cool, right?"
- "It doesn't get caught up - in any of that current-day bullshit."
- Yeah. "That current-day California,"
what did he say? - Yeah, he said "California bullshit."
- "California bullshit." It's so funny to me, to
be honest, when I see, uh, British people getting super mad - at, like, leftist America.
- Relax. It's just like... I know you can see it all
because of the internet, but to hear "this California shit" - in not an American accent is funny to me.
- Oh, dude. This fucking – I don't know if the video will be out yet, so I won't, uh, go into too much detail, but Ethan recorded a video last night that, uh, I joined him for, and we watched a kind of conservative-adjacent channel, right? One of the more popular ones. It's producing kids' content. - It's demonic. It's very fucking sinister.
- Yeah. And they... because they are hogs, they aren't funny. And because they aren't funny, but are trying to make
content that is, like, palatable to parents – That's really who they're
selling to. They're selling to, like, the aesthetics of being a kids' show. The parents who've been
terrified from, you know... - "Finally, something my kids can watch."
- Yeah. Some nebulous, like, cloud. And you can tell that they have never
met anyone on the left, never interacted with them, 'cause all the parody characters
that are mocking them, they're at like a coffee shop and there's this girl with short hair, - and she gets up –
- Is it blue?! "Yeah, let me guess." Uh, and then she walks up to – It's about, like, "how to be feminine."
It's like a tradwife girl. And she walks up and goes, like, "Well, um, so, you are saying that you want to be feminine? Well, feminism is bad. And I thought you thought men were trash. Why do you wanna be one?" And then the hipster girl is like, "Facts and logic have
destroyed my ideology!" Like, no. If you're in the real world, what they would say – they'd take their
AirPods out, like, "What the fuck? Why are you talking to me?
I don't know who you are. You don't live in places like this." I've never wanted to start a
conversation at The Coffee Bean. Like, I wanna leave. "I'm here to win." Don't talk to me before I've had my coffee, unless you're trying to destroy me with
facts and logic, in which case, I'm listening. - Don't pwn me until I've had –
- You take out an AirPod and go, "Go on." They try to give you your coffee,
and you're like, "No." "No, please." "Wait. I'll take no soy in it, please." Yeah, you change your order. You knock it over. You go, - "Black."
- "Neat." "Give it to me facts-and-logic-style." But yeah, a British guy
complaining about that, like, the American monoculture,
is just being a fucking weeb. I think especially hearing, like, "California ruined something"
or "California-style" is like something I've only heard, until recently, in like just an American accent. It's crazy that the concept of California has spread across the globe - in a moral way.
- In such a hated way. - Yeah.
- It's a cope, dude. It really is. Like,
every single person I know that was adjacent to especially games media in the UK wants to move to America, and
they wanna move to California or New York, 'cause those are the – that is America. They can't name any states. Like, those are the ones they know. But now California – Maybe it's 'cause California's on the left. Maybe they're like,
"The left of the country. That's where it's scary." Nobody ever references, like... I mean, shit, man, if you move, like, most of California is
pretty fucking conservative. - Yeah.
- Most of every place is, - if you're not in a city.
- Just not where people live. One thing that's really interesting, and this is even 10 years ago. But our friends, uh, Jamie and Jessica – I'm sure they would be OK with this. When they were moving –
they're two twin friends of ours. They're from South Georgia,
like a very small town. - You're the twin. You guys.
- Huh? Yeah, they're twins. - But identical, yeah.
- I was like, "South Georgia? I have no connection to Georgia." So, they're in this small
South Georgia town, one stoplight. I went to a wedding there and it was scary. Um, it was just scary to be there. It felt haunted. And, uh, they were moving to San Francisco to start their careers, and their grandma was like, "Be careful out there in California." - Yeah.
- And that was ten years ago. That's just like being on
the news, where it's like, "California, it's a place where bad things happen. Everybody be scared." Yeah. California and Chicago. If you go to Chicago, you'll get shot, so it's like, "Might as well just bring a
body bag in your suitcase." Even in the suburbs, the talk of Chicago is like... When you talk to – Some people, like, you know, especially – I noticed it more as I was getting into
my 20s, even when I moved out here, 'cause a lot of my friends
live in the city in Chicago. And, like, the talk – It's like you'll have a friend going, "I just walked and got a breakfast sandwich and hung out. My neighborhood's great." Then you talk to somebody conservative that I grew up around in
the suburbs; they're like, "Did you hear if you leave
your car anywhere on the street, it'll get stolen and you'll get shot immediately?" You know? There's actually a 100% fatality rate when you leave and go anywhere. - Yup.
- Did you know that, living there? It's weird, too. I feel like
with California, especially LA, and I'm sure some people
listening to this who've never been, people don't think LA's a real city. Like, in the way of they don't think it... I think they think it's
only entertainment here and only really wealthy people. - Yeah.
- It's like the image, I guess, 'cause it was sold to everybody
as, like, Beverly Hills, but it's so weird when I see
LA referenced and I'm like, "I mean, those parts aren't even..." - They're like sort of real LA,
- LA is huge. but not real LA as well. Yeah. Until moving here, I wasn't aware of how gigantic LA is. - Uh-huh.
- Mmhmm. Because I lived in San Francisco
before that. San Francisco... is, geographically, not that big. It's seven miles by seven miles. I was surprised how
small it was when I visited. - You can see the other side.
- Yeah, whereas here, it's just like, it's... it's a bunch of, like... Every neighborhood is like a town. Well, LA County, I think, is the most populated county in the US. Followed by Cook County,
that I grew up in. - [DREW] No, I hate this.
- Remember that for when I quiz you later. Remember that for when
you do the Newlyweds game. I just wanted to talk,
not get my ass kicked. - You got Cooked.
- And what county was I from? - You got it.
- I don't know. I can't hear anything.
My shoulder hurts so bad. "You hit my shoulder so hard
my ears are ringing." Oh, I got it. Uh, Cock County? Oh, shit, dude. He got your ass.
- Let's fucking go, dude. Let's beat him up and kill him. - It's not funny.
- You've gotta let go, man. Shambles, dude. California-style. How old are you? One? That's for what he did. I'm taking it out on you. That's for him. Let him know who sent you. You're not out here super long, no, Drew? Uh, no, only a few more days. Um... Have you already had the game? The big game? - The football game?
- Yeah. Uh, no, that's on Sunday.
That'll be the last day. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. - That's right! You've heard of it.
- [JARVIS] Yeah. I've heard of the day. - Yeah.
- Last day of the week, or the first? - I know stuff.
- Yeah. No, I, uh... I think I talked about it last time, but I'm trying to find more
excuses to come out to LA 'cause, like, all my
friends are here. Um, you haven't met any of them, - but I have a lot of friends here. Um...
- [JARVIS] Oh. This is for work. - You could just not say it.
- What about – we hung out all last night. - We got dinner.
- Well, I needed to get to know you for the
podcast, which is for work. Get to know me? You've
known me for half a decade. - What county is he from?
- Uh... - Penistown?
- No, goddamnit! - What county has "town" at the end?
- Oh, fuck! Penistown County, California-Chicago! Drew, you're gonna have to
start hitting me for Eddy. - Yeah, I am.
- Gotta punch his other shoulder - to even it out.
- That's to teach him a lesson. - Yeah.
- "Oh, you fixed my brain." Um, but I came out here to
hang out and do some stuff, and then I was like, "If I come this week, then on Sunday I can go see my beloved Miami Dolphins
lose at SoFi Stadium. Um, and my dad's gonna come out on Saturday 'cause he's the one who
introduced me to football, and we share that, uh, misery together, and the
frustration and disappointment, - and we'll get to...
- Are the Dolphins doo-doo? No good? Uh, historically they've
been disappointing, yeah. - Or at least for...
- That's a diplomatic way to say "doo-doo." Yeah. For at least my
entire life, they've been bad. They won two Super Bowls in the '70s and they were a powerhouse back then. I didn't get to see any of that. - I've just seen, like, crap.
- It's gotta feel weird to have no players from then, and that's when you became bad. Uh, well, they also won
the Super Bowl of being the team in the Ace Ventura movie. That's right. That unfortunately
didn't translate to real life. - There's no trophy for that?
- Nope. - [EDDY] Damn.
- Um... - They give everybody a trophy these days.
- Well, I'm gonna go. What are they in the Ace –
they're just around? - [JORDAN] Just hanging out?
- The plot of Ace Ventura is that Dan Marino, superstar quarterback of the Miami Dolphins, gets kidnapped. - Ohhh.
- It is?! - Yeah.
- Wow. Or does he get kidnapped,
or is it the mascot? I can't remember if he gets kidnapped
and it makes the dolphin sad, - or if the dolphin gets kidnapped.
- It's one of those. - Dan Marino is in it.
- It's the dolphin. That's his whole shit. It is like animals and pets, no? Yeah. There's a dolphin
mascot that gets kidnapped. But I feel like Dan Marino has like a gun pointed at
his head. Something like that. I like the idea that you go
to a football game and, uh, they're like, "Normally this
would be a time for celebration, but our mascot has been kidnapped." - Yeah.
- So they can't – - The band can't play any exciting music.
- "Our living animal mascot has been taken from the premises.
We don't know where they are." For Chicago, I'm like,
"You're telling me you took a bear away from the crowd? Cool." "Have you seen this dolphin?" You never think about moving out, right? I mean obviously not now, but... No. Well, recently we've been talking about the possibility of it more. I mean, I only live in Florida because that's where I've lived my
whole life, and, you know, we bought a house a couple years ago and it feels like we're sort of
settled down. And it's like, "We'll be here for the
long run." But it's also like... Bright side, it has the
best weather and politics. - Uh, there's neither of those.
- Oh, fuck. - That's why I left. Right.
- When you're outside, like, "I wish I was drowning in air. - I wish it was so wet in the air."
- Oh my god, yeah. It's crazy. Um... And I hate even talking about it
'cause it's such small talk or whatever, but it's fucking miserable in Florida. [JARVIS] I fully embrace
talking about the weather. And yeah, it's fucking miserable. It's such a universal
thing we all relate to, but for some reason a few
years ago I remember it started being like,
"You can't talk about that. That's fucking boring.
That's what NPCs talk about." But it's like, "But I can't leave my house, so it's kind of a big part of my life
that it's too wet in the air outside." I have to shower three
times a day if I go for a walk, and I can't do that, but I was going
on walks for my mental health, so, you know, connect the dots. I'm a little sad now. Ace Ventura? I sweat really easily. I've talked about this probably before. - [DREW] Aw.
- It's very frustrating. My whole life people have
been like, "Did you run here?" And I'm like, "No, my body's just broken." It's also a really rude thing to say to
somebody if they come up to you sweating. - Yeah, I agree.
- "Did you run here?" - "Fuck off."
- "No, I didn't. My endocrine system is just busted." I don't know.
I have hyperhidrosis. You did get a bad hand on
where you lived plus what you are. Yeah. So, I truly almost never went
outside in Florida. I, like... I grew up in Florida, and I never wanted to go outside. And people didn't understand, and I was like, "I will be
miserable if I go outside." - Yeah.
- And, uh... And then I spent one summer in... So, I went to school in Georgia, and I spent one summer in Atlanta. - And then I – never – never again.
- Yeah. Yeah, the weather is really nice in Florida for the time of the year that
it's nice. January, February, really into May it's all right. But yeah, June through September it's just like, "I can't..." I hear about seasonal depression with people who live in cold states, where it's like, "I can't
leave 'cause it's cloudy." You've lived in Chicago.
That's the winter months. But for us, I get seasonally
depressed in the summer, where I'm like, "I can't go outside, and I need fresh air, - but the air is... it hurts."
- "I'm drowning." - "There's too much water in this air."
- [JORDAN] "There is no outside right now." "I can't breathe?" I mean, look. - Break it down for me.
- As the advocate of California, you're more than welcome to come
here for extended periods of time. - Thank you.
- We're a little full. - We're a little full.
- Oh, OK. Amanda, she should move out here. Oh, Amanda's welcome, yeah. Yeah, she takes up less
space than me, I guess. Yeah, and she's just cooler
and more fun to be around. The space thing is not at all
the concern, I would say. Yeah, the space thing is
not about physical space, but like when you're
letting somebody into a club, - and you're like, "Not you, but..."
- Oh, yeah, sort of like the aura. - I guess the aura I take up is like,
- [JORDAN] Annoying. - physically... annoying.
- Annoying. Physically annoying. Physically (inaudible). - Like, infuriating to witness.
- It's good that we're on the same page. Yeah, I think we all agree that I suck. [JARVIS] Nooo. Good to find solidarity
in something, at least. That's true. - Eddy, how are you?
- I'm doing all right. I, uh... To be honest, the last couple of days I haven't been doing much. Other than you coming out here, I've been just playing Tears of the Kingdom for days. It's great. But also, I think I've reached my limit, where I've been living in, like, the gamer dungeon for
maybe three or four days. Did you have it on ice
'til the project was done? Yeah, until I was
done with Margaritaville, 'cause it came out during. And I liked Breath of the Wild
so much that I was like, "I can't play this on, like..." Even if I brought the dock for it, we just worked so much on that trip, um, that it's like I don't
think I'd be able to dive in. - You wanna fully immerse yourself.
- Yeah. - 'Cause there's no pronouns.
- Yeah. Um, but yeah, so I've just been – I've been playing it for a while, but the last couple of days especially, uh, Chrissy's been gone,
so I just... I don't... I have a free night, and I'm like,
"Oh, I'll play some games." When Chrissy and I are not together, I realize after a couple
of days every time, like, "Oh, I just have a..." I'm miserable to myself. I don't go for walks.
I don't eat good food. - Yeah.
- It's just, I don't know, just much better. I've noticed, like, when I... When I'm, like... have a
deadline or something and I'm really stressed, and... I get really irritable then. I'm like, "Don't talk to me.
I need to finish this." But then also, when I'm, like, too lazy for a couple days, I'm like, "I don't wanna do anything."
Now it's like I have no momentum, so I'm like, "Don't make
me do a chore, life." I'm like, "OK, I should probably
be a better person, I think." I just burned through
some visa paperwork that, in one iteration or
another, I've been putting off for about seven weeks, which
is a fucking horrendous idea. But I just, through stress
and fear and trauma, it's just so hard to engage with it.
I get so angry even seeing the words. But then, when it was done... I got none of the
satisfaction of it being done. All I had was, "That took so long. I could have had fun playing video games," which I wouldn't have. I would've
been playing the game, saying, "This could be fun if it
weren't for that paperwork that Future Jordan will be
dealing with very effectively." Yeah. Um, I've been in the gamer dungeon except for – We have been going to the polls. - We've been Pokémon GO-ing to the polls.
- Ahhh. I've been playing so much Pokémon GO. And I've been walking
like eight miles a day. And it's funny, because to grind the game,
which I have been doing, - I have to be outside and walk a lot,
- Mmhmm. and it's actually been good, question mark? That sounds great.
- It's honestly really fun. - I'm having a blast.
- Yeah. It just has made my life better in every way. I feel like it was a big suggestion toward the end of quarantine, of people like, "You should
probably go out for a walk." And there is that feeling of, like, "That's not gonna fucking help.
With the state of the world right now?" And then you step outside and
you're like, "Oh, OK. That's pretty good." We've been playing – We immediately got back into it together, to just knock around with it. It's a little overwhelming now. It's kind of got that, uh, long-running MMO quality of 3,000 systems, and all of them interact in ways that
no one's really willing to tell you about until you ask your friend Jarvis
and he teaches you tech. I... - fucking love walking around, I guess.
- It's nice. - Mmhmm.
- I thought that I didn't for 29 years. It turns out I don't mind
walking around a little bit. 'Cause I caught a little guy. I needed some sort of, like, in the "carrot and stick" analogy, I needed some sort of carrot to get myself to walk around and
sweat outside and be uncomfortable, and it turns out the
answer is digital monsters. - Yeah.
- Do you ever talk – Objection! Do you ever talk publicly
about your running and...? Only when asked about it.
I don't bring it up a lot, 'cause I'm not like...
I don't – I'm not like – I think a lot of people are
more runners than I am, but I'm gonna start
training for something else, for a half marathon soon - that Chrissy and I are doing.
- Let's go. Um, but yeah, I run a mile a day. - That's what Jordan's referencing.
- How long have you been doing that? - For...
- Days. No, uh, I have – Four minutes, actually.
I haven't started yet. I have not missed a day since the time I started, which I believe was like December senior year of high school for me. - That's wild.
- [EDDY] So it's – I don't know. - That's crazy.
- Sometimes I'll think about the streak and then it makes me feel old,
because it's since high school. I think it's been – I graduated in 2015. So I think it would be
December of 2014 that I started. - We're all young as fuck.
- Oh my god, wait. - That's pretty fucking long.
- Yeah, it's crazy. That's... - That's very long.
- That almost feels like prayer. It's, uh, like one bit of
discipline that I keep. It's less of a health thing. I think some people think that that – By the way, it's definitely good for you, but it doesn't, like – It's also not good to run every day. That's just something that I do that's - not recommended to do.
- I mean, you're not doing long-distance. - Yeah.
- You can knock it out in eight minutes, - and it's like, "OK."
- I guess what you're saying is you are about to start
doing it long-distance. Yeah. Some people think that doing that keeps you,
like, super healthy. And I've had weight
fluctuations and different stuff. - Walking does more.
- I think walking consistently, yeah. - Way more.
- Like 30 minutes of walking is probably better than, like, - just one quick mile, um...
- Yeah. but... I don't know. - I – go ahead.
- I was gonna say the small little hack that I do is, uh, if you need to call a friend
or catch up with anybody, - just go outside and put your AirPods in.
- Yeah. That's great. - It's a great way –
- I've called you a couple times during my walks that I can't do
anymore 'cause it's hot, but before. Yeah, and that I can still do - because it's hot, but not too hot.
- Because you live in paradise. We need to get you, like, a weather-controlled suit. - [DREW] Mm.
- Like a big suit that's got, like, air conditioning in it, and then you could go
outside and go on a walk. - Michelin Man walking around Orlando.
- Yeah. - "I feel so much better."
- Um, I recently – I need to – I think I can change one thing about my routine at a time, and something like flies out of whack, and then I need to fix that too. It's a little bit of a game
of whack-a-mole, but, like, there is forward progression. I started walking a ton, and then I started eating a bunch of junk food. So it's offset all the thing – So now I need to, like, fix that. Because I'm like, "I walked so many miles today. I'm just gonna eat McDonald's," - Yeah.
- and I can't help it. That mental excuse, especially with the Apple Watch now that I know how many calories I burned
for the day, I try to not look at it – Yeah, 'cause it's also, like, not accurate. Like, there's days where it
says I burned 800 calories, and it's like, "No I fucking didn't." That doesn't mean I can have 3,000
calories a day - and be in maintenance.
- It'll be late at night, and I'm like, "OK, well, I could have a big snack, - because I did do a lot." And it's like...
- Yeah. That's also just not
how it works. Sort of, but – But it's so... It comes back to, like, I'm happy to treat myself, but it's not treating myself if I'm eating McDonald's every day. It's just making me feel worse than I should, because I'm
doing such a healthy thing for myself and then I'm not reaping the rewards because I'm eating, you know, fries all the time. There is this weird trade-off, too. I think I became too acclimatized to, like, "Well, there's fast food, and then there's like 'it's a burger, but it's like a regular meal.' That one's fine to have." And now I'll just make that for dinner, and I will eat the burger that I made - and feel way worse.
- [DREW] Yeah. 'Cause I also just put too much
oil in it and overcooked it. There is no... This is absolutely like an
old-head complaint, like, - "The way your body... I'm getting old."
- We're young. - I mean, we're young as fuck, obviously.
- We're super young. Super young, super hot. I just learned to drive. That's true. I'm about to take my test. Yeah. We're young. I just got my braces off
a couple years ago. These are all true facts, by the way. [DREW] They are. I got my Invisalign off this morning.
Forgot to bring it with me. - So, young. As fuck.
- Young. Can I ask about one of
the topic things? 'Cause I think... Oh, yeah, we have topics. Um, what the fuck is "Delta doo-doo"? OK, wait, can I guess what it's about? Oh, you don't know? Who knows? So, often I don't know what's going on. - I do-do.
- [DREW] I know. - You know?
- So I'll guess. I'll guess first. Uh... - My guess...
- (gasps) I do know. I saw it on Twitter. - I saw it on Twitter for just a moment,
- Yeah. and now I put the name together. Wait. I don't know. Wait, so is it the guy... They had to ground a plane because someone had really bad diarrhea. It wasn't that they had bad diarrhea; it was the location that
the diarrhea took place in, which was the entire plane. - OH, NO!
- It wasn't in the toilet. - It was –
- It was on the controls? - Yeah.
- So, the reason it was on my mind is when you were – I think either yesterday
or the day before coming over, I was – I knew you were about
to walk up to my apartment door, and I had Twitter open. And it was like, "Here's
the found footage of..." - Is this the actual tweet?
- [JORDAN] Oh my god. Um, I'm trying to figure out if this is the exact tweet that I saw. But it was somebody saying, like, "Here's the footage from
that Delta diarrhea flight," and then you arrived - so I put it away. But, like...
- Mmhmm. I didn't get to process fully what I saw until right now, I feel like. Between this and – I just saw another video that
popped up on Twitter recently, where it was two kids fighting in the hallway. One of them initiated the fight,
went up and punched the other one, and then got his ass kicked and shit his pants. - [JARVIS] I saw that.
- And it's like, how do you continue
to exist at that school? Like, I can't imagine. And then the same, like, I feel
so bad for the person who shit – obviously they had,
like, a bug or something. It wasn't their fault they shit everywhere. It clearly was an emergency
that they lost control of their bowels. But it's like they're national news now because they, they... They had to ground the plane. They couldn't even finish the
flight 'cause it's a biohazard. That is a criminal logline. - "We have..."
- I feel bad for the people on the plane, but especially the person
whose butt that came out of. "We have official footage
from the Barcelona diarrhea plane." [EDDY] That was the tweet, yeah. [JORDAN] That's... - I don't understand what I'm looking at.
- It's all over the aisle. - Oh, the aisle?
- Yeah, it's gross. - Wait, so –
- What was he wearing? Mesh? - Yeah.
- I don't – yeah, like... Did he start to pull the pants down, or...? Was it so – it just ran
down his – I mean... One time I shit my pants when I was 15, and it did just go right down my leg 'cause of the consistency
of the shit. Anyway... Respect. What flight was that on? - September 11th?
- It was from El Prat Barcelona Airport. Well, either way, it was my 9/11. - Oh, wait.
- Goddamn. Biohazard issue. "Plane turned around to clean." Oh, yeah, that's right. It turned around. It, like, didn't even
get to... to Barcelona. Was it leaving –
it was Atlanta to Barcelona? - Yeah, I think it was like an hour in.
- I've done that exact flight. - Wow.
- And I didn't poop. Wow, you're kind of - way better than that person.
- I have a poop sense. Yeah, I'm holding it all in. - Oh, not good.
- When was that? - Uh, 2013? So...
- OK, so... It's kind of like – you know,
Eddy has his running. It's exactly like the running. Yeah, Eddy has his running,
where he's done that since... - It's been 40 years.
- Oh, wow. You counted seven. How did that happen? I have like a... It's like a
tesseract of poop inside of me, where it's like an antimatter. It's like a dying star. Yes. It's hyper-compressed, actually. This is a titanium couch. Yeah, the laws of physics, like,
don't really apply down there. - Yeah.
- Eddy, I have a little surprise for you. - What's the surprise?
- The segment - "For Eddy, from Jordan."
- Should I close my eyes? [JARVIS] It's for Eddy.
The surprise is for... - I don't wanna see it if it isn't for me.
- I actually didn't read that earlier. - I didn't know that was there.
- That's awesome. Have you seen the...? - So, I should explain to the audience,
- Wait – you do my favorite version
of my favorite quote, "I did everything right
and they indicted me." - Uh-huh.
- Yours is my favorite one. - You hit "indicted" with, like...
- Oh, yeah. Well, I think – I didn't even do it as, like,
an impression, for the most part. I was just saying that my
favorite part of that line is, yeah, "indicted." That's the funniest part. And also, following just right after is saying "I did everything right." - Yeah. Everything.
- Yeah. "I did everything right, - and they indicted me."
- Zero mistakes. Uh, but like, have you seen the newer clip? - Wait.
- He's back on his bullshit. I believe he says a similar line
as to doing things right. Is it part of, like, his recordings where he's standing there? I saw him say... He talks about Biden on the beach. I did see that. But I would love
to see it again, 'cause it's the best. - I haven't seen it. I wanna see it.
- He's talking about Biden has a presidential vacation. - OK.
- And, um... [TRUMP] Crooked Joe Biden's only
campaign strategy is indicting me. Going on extended vacations and sleep, sleep, sleep. That's what he wants to do. He wants to sleep and he wants
to go to the beach and sleep. He thinks he looks good
in a bathing suit. He doesn't. He's a compromised president who is leading our country to hell. Jesus. Dude, he hit so many keywords. [TRUMP] He is a Manchurian candidate. Did he just say, "I don't
know what this means, but he's a Manchurian..." Wait. - Did he? I think he did.
- He said, "I did everything right, - but I'm a Manchurian..."
- [TRUMP] In the true sense, and I don't know if
you know what this means – - "I don't know if you know."
- "You're not smart enough to know. - [DREW] He's right. I don't, actually.
- I'm 100% confident that's what he says when he doesn't know. He, like, just learned something, and he's shaming you for not knowing
the thing that he was just told. "I don't know if you know
what this means, but I'm a Lancurian candidate. OK?" I... it really – I think there was a time where I was like, you know... he's... like, "Sure, he can be funny,
but it's not that funny." There's just – he's so... - He's so funny so often,
- He's so funny. and it's just like... He's like every time
a Saiyan loses a battle, they become stronger. Because every time he kind of misses, like "Ron DeSanctimonious"
was not really a hit, he rolls back through with "Little Rhonda." - [EDDY] Yep.
- It's like a freight truck. There's a really subtle Trump moment that I love, and it's in the very famous, when he learned that
Ruth Bader Ginsburg had died. But it's not when he says – It's not the song in the background. or him saying, "This is
the first I'm hearing this." It's when they first get his attention and he's just walking past, and he goes, "Hmm? Yeah?" [EDDY] It's just this
very real, "What? Oh?" Like, to start hearing that somebody died, but you start with, "What'd you say?" It's just such a soft... - Yeah, taking the headphone half off.
- Yeah. I think the problem is, like, when he started his
campaign it was so funny 'cause it never felt real.
Like, "He's not going to win," so it was so fun to
laugh at the insanity of it. Then it was like, "Well,
now he's the president, and that's fucked up.
We can't laugh anymore." Now it's like, "He can't be president again and he hasn't been president
in a while, so it's funny again." But then if he's president again,
it's gonna go back to being like, "Fuck, we shouldn't
have laughed so much." We literally know exactly what it feels to be wrong to do this. And if he does, this clip
will be back in our face. Still funny that he
said "sleep, sleep, sleep." - "Sleep, sleep, sleep."
- "Sleep, sleep, sleep." We reaped what we sowed,
and yet we're sowing again. - And here we are.
- It's so fun to sow. One of my favorite
tweets of all time is like, "Me sowing: hell yeah, this is awesome. Me reaping: WHAT THE FUCK." Um, it's so bizarre, like... I just don't understand, like, he went on so many vacations. Like, it's just like
the hypocrisy is so strong. - He was the ultimate vacation president.
- But with his – but with his confidence, I, like – I'm like,
"How are you that way? 'Cause he knows that he
went on more vacations than - any president ever.
- It's the only way he knows how to be. - I think it's like...
- The same as breathing for him. Yeah, I was gonna say.
Yeah, that's exactly – That type of behavior for him
is so second-nature at this point. He has, like, "cousin walk" powers, where, like, Thanksgiving,
you and your cousin go out, give it a break, walk around. Like, "Oh, I got a handle of vodka.
Let's treat ourselves." He goes out, and then it's like, you're 8, so you say to your 14-year-old cousin, "What did you do over your summer?" And I
went, "I actually joined SEAL Team Six." Like, I guess. Like, shit, man. He's like, "I actually
never took a vacation." And it's footage of him taking a vacation. It's his Google Calendar
saying, "vacation time again!" "Have a lot of them, by the way." And he's like, "No. No, you're gay." "Oh, OK.' And it's weird that it works, but I guess I shouldn't be surprised because people don't think that hard - about this stuff.
- Yeah. Yeah. - He's gonna win again, isn't he?
- They're not smart like us. - Yeah. I have to pee. Should we...?
- Oh, yeah. - OK, time for the real show.
- You guys can carry on. - Time to go nuts.
- [EDDY] Thank god. Sorry I keep going to the board.
There's just so much I saw this morning... Also, you don't have to apologize for
going to the board. They're interesting. Jacob did everything right. Dude, I wish I had a Trump impression
so bad. There's so many things... - He's a really tough impression.
- There's so many – I can't do the gravel. Well, you have the two
that I absolutely can't do, - which is Obama and Andrew Tate.
- My Andrew Tate is like my – It's like I've been cursed with it. I don't know if I've
heard your Andrew Tate. People get unnerved
when I do it. They're like... What does he even say? Uh, talk about going to jail, and "They put me and my –" I can't do it 'cause the inflection
that he has sounds like – "They just want me to talk
about Hustlers University." - Oh my god, that's really good.
- Yeah, it's... 'Cause he's got a really
weird accent, 'cause he, like... Did he...? I don't know a lot - about his background.
- He grew up like halfway in the US – Yeah, so it's like not
an accent that is, like – - It's personal to him, almost.
- He just – - He hits, like –
- I don't know why it just comes out of me this way. There's little inflections, or even the cadence of it,
that it does not sound like it – - sorry, not your impression –
- Yeah. it doesn't sound like this, but he has the cadence of the kind of farmer style
of where I grew up. - [EDDY & JARVIS] Mm.
- So every time I try and get into it, I just go like, "Hustlers University." You know it too – - You know one of the accents too well.
- Yeah, it's too close to me. Uh, plus I have this aversion to Americanizing myself, - Uh-huh.
- not in any kind of, like, reasonable "I should feel that way"
way. It's just like, when I first moved here people are like, "Oh, that was very American,
what you said there." You're like, "No, no,
I'm not deleting myself." Didn't you show up to trivia
two weeks ago in a cowboy hat, and you had a whip and boots and... - [JORDAN] No pants.
- you rode in on a horse, no pants. Yeah, sure. The horse had no pants. - I refused to put them.
- You were wearing an Ed Hardy T-shirt. - Yeah, my brand was kinda confused.
- Weird combo, yeah. - Lot of cowboy stuff, and a little break.
- And a Ed Hardy T-shirt. Assless chaps, but with jeans. Assless jeans. - Um...
- Chaps are just assless, no? No.
- Are they pants? - Are they full? Don't they...?
- They're your friends back home. They're like leather. I only know from RuneScape,
but they're like leather pants. My boys are assless. I'll tell you what; I have a little... I... Drew left a trail of diarrhea
from the bathroom. Aw, dude, we're gonna
have to divert this podcast. We gotta go to Barcelona now. - What?
- [JARVIS] Holy shit. But I think I look good in a
bathing suit. I wanna go to Barcelona. Do you think there's any chance – You'll see stories like that sometimes, and the local news will be like,
"We're here with the cop that flew through a slide
and went into space." Do you think there's any chance
we'll see a local Atlanta news, like, "It's shit-man!" - There's no way.
- "The man who shat in the plane has been identified
as, uh, billionaire..." "They're calling him 'the funniest guy.'" It's kinda like the woman who - saw the thing on the plane
- Yeah. and then got identified
as some ad executive. - That saw the thing?
- And also, like... like, apologizes for it, but also will avoid the answer of
seeing anything or even saying – I thought maybe she
was gonna be like, - "Yeah, I was having some kind of issue."
- Yeah, no one cared about the apology. Everyone wants to know what happened. Yeah, and it's more like, "Yeah, I know." - Yeah, that was really weird.
- Like, "Oh." - Who is this lady? What did she see?
- "I am not in my best..." - What did this person see?
- No one knows. - We don't know what she saw.
- I think it's better that she doesn't say. I don't think she needs to say. But there's conspiracy theorists that
probably will never leave her alone. She saw diarrhea-man. The prophecy foretold. People are way more open to seeing lizard people as a
realistic thing than I thought. Reading comments on TikTok
when that happened, like, tens of thousands of likes of
people being like, "She saw..." Like, just making shit up of like, "I saw somebody mention... There's a report that she saw a guy
with green eyes." And you're like, "What?" - I read that –
- A guy? Just like many guys? He just had color-changing contacts
and they looked kinda artificial. It was a cosplayer, yeah. "I saw a person from
Genshin Impact in real life." We talked about this
on a previous episode, but... Um... There's a clip of, like, Kai Cenat reacting to, like, the Streamys bit that me and Ted did. - I've seen the photo.
- And... And, uh, I got a genuine person going, "Hey, people are saying that Kai reacted that way 'cause you're a part of the Illuminati." - Whoa.
- "Tell me, Jarvis. I'm a big fan. Do you mess with that stuff?" - "Do you mess with that stuff."
- "Do you mess with the Illuminati?" - "You have to tell me."
- It was, like, genuine. I just replied, "No," and
they were like, "Thank god." - What a relief.
- "Are you a cop?" "No." - "No." "Ugh, thanks. I'm so relieved."
- "Would you be pissed?" I said no to that bit. Do I get an Illuminati
invite if I had said yes? - "I'd love to be."
- Wait, I'm the impostor. That's very flattering,
by the way, that it's like... that any YouTuber would be
invited into the Illuminati. - [DREW] Yeah.
- The least subtle or, like - secretive people.
- They'd make a video about it right away. I just love the fan waiting with bated breath, like "Please tell me no.
Please tell me you're not there." 'Cause it all it takes is just a verbal no. - Chattering teeth.
- The Illuminati can't lie. That reminds me, I just saw a screenshot of a tweet interaction yesterday where someone was like,
"I just realized that Dream had to experience sadness in order to write [whatever song],"
and someone was like, "No, no, no, please don't say that." "Don't make me think about
him having to experience sadness." - [EDDY] "Don't say it's true!"
- "No, there's no way!" - "That's not what the mask is!"
- Yeah. "The mask is always smiling!" I do think it's... The Dream thing where he, like, uh... He was like, "I'm too ugly. I have to put the mask back on forever." - [DREW] Mmhmm.
- And it was so clearly like – OK, I get that people are going overboard, but clearly you're,
like, not an ugly person. You're a normal-looking dude. It's fucked up that people are
making fun of your appearance. But then now... every time he's pictured
without his mask on, people are like, "He's a liar!" - "I thought that was his head!"
- And people do the thing where, "He should have kept the
mask on, that ugly little man." And I was like, "This is the worst possible scenario." I just... And functionally,
I just hate it too, because it's like... he went
on Colin and Samir recently wearing the mask the whole time. And I was kind of curious,
and two minutes in I'm like, "I can't fucking watch this." I wanna read his facial expressions. I wanna see someone silently
react when someone's talking. I don't wanna see just
a fucking mask. It's so stupid. - Yeah, it's silly.
- Does the mask mess with the audio? Does it have a bunch
of holes in it, do you think? - Does he have a mic inside of it?
- It didn't sound muffled. It sounded fine. It just
sounded like him talking. But it was just so weird. It's like... Especially on a podcast, 'cause podcasts are
where you take the mask off, like, metaphorically, I guess, and kinda talk about stuff.
And he's just like – It was just weird. I don't know. Yeah, there's that
Sundae Conversation episode where Caleb is chatting with –
he has like a day with Deadmau5. Uh... Oh, Marshmello. Sorry. - Sorry, dude. Relax.
- Sorry. - Could be the same guy.
- We're all so sorry. I just hope that Marshmello's
never experienced sadness. - No, no, no, no!
- Don't say that! - I'm sorry.
- I don't know; he seems pretty happy. But his eyes are dead. - But he, uh –
- Yeah, they've got the X'es. The way he communicates is, like, very... It's interesting to me to see somebody wear something so ostentatious, but by virtue of it being a mask, it's just sometimes because
they are quite soft-spoken and shy. I don't know Dream particularly well. - Yeah.
- I've no insights into his personal life. But, like, he's not a bombastic guy. Like, this... This issue, this, "I'm wearing it," it's like Rey Mysterio. He has, like, a Mexican wrestler journey, but is just like, "Hey, so, uh... today we're – how many blocks
can I put on top of each other?" You don't think Dream's ever
experienced shyness before. (all yelling "NO" repeatedly) He's always out of his shell.
He's always outspoken. He's always happy. He's always strong. I've had the privilege of meeting Dream on a number of occasions, and the last time I saw him he – well, no, actually
it wasn't the last time. But after he put the mask back on I saw him again, after meeting him as a normal human being,
like with his face. And then, like, you know when you
see somebody and you, like, dap them up or whatever? Doing that with a man with a mask on, - very strange experience. He's like,
- Oh my god, yeah. (muffled) "Hey dude, long time no see." It's like, "Hey, Dream's mask." - "Hey, probably-Dream."
- Yeah. - "I can't be sure."
- Could be anyone, actually, yeah. It could be Kwebbelkop under there. - An android.
- (robotically) "Hello, friend." "Today we're gonna be doing
Roblox 'first to die' challenge." - Wait a second.
- IRL. Guys, do you think Kwebbelkop's AI
has ever experienced sadness? - No!
- Actually, no. - Probably not, yeah.
- No. - No, no, no, no.
- So, we stan? - Yeah, we stan.
- So we stan. Yeah, OK. I have a tweet to read you, but maybe it's a bonus episode. Ohhh. We're gonna continue this convo over on Patreon.com/SadBoyz on the bonus show, - Sad Boyz: Nightz.
- (tiny trumpet noises) But... Drew, Eddy, thanks for joining us. - Thanks for having us.
- Thanks for having us. - You looked for me to say that?
- To say that. Thanks. Yeah, you guys always
talk at the same time. You're not even trying. - I said the word "talking."
- I... I just... I speedran the sentence. Or I'm Drew Gooden. - Yeah, your name, the one thing.
- You just take over. It's somebody trying to do
the bit where they talk the same, but one person just wants
to direct the whole thing. I'm getting angry that you're
not saying what I'm saying. You're still looking at me
like we're doing it. - You're looking at my lips move.
- You're not saying anything I'm saying. You suck! Um, on the bonus, they will be talking - at the same time the entire episode.
- That's right. That's right. - So far off, man.
- You'll get it, dude. - We have to practice.
- We have to prac – It's worse than nothing. Do you guys wanna plug anything or talk about
anything you're up to? - No!
- Jesus. - Uh, uh...
- Don't ask me again! I usually – the only thing
I should plug is Burback. - Yeah.
- My channel with my brother Tony, that we sometimes shoot right here. Yeah. It's on a green screen,
but you can still tell that it's shot here. Look for clues. There's no clues. - Jarvis walking in.
- You can look for them, though. [JARVIS] Look for the clues. We end every episode of Sad Boyz with a particular phrase: - Do we all say it in unison?
- [JARVIS] Yeah. I think we already established
that I'm not so good at it. - Let's give it a go.
- Should we do the whole thing in unison? (all) We love you, and we're sorry. - [EDDY] My name's Drew Gooden.
- No! - And I'm Drew.
- No, no, no! - You said that!
- I knew you wanted to say it! - Boom!
- I felt like we were pretty in sync. You were playing Kingdom Hearts;
I was watching. We were having a
great time. I felt like, OK, if we do the unison bit tomorrow, - we're gonna do fine.
- When we were playing Kingdom Hearts, we talked in unison for four hours. - Yeah, we said, like –
- We said – (both, sort of at the same time)
Oh, no! Goofy! Sora! Donald! Goofy! Hayner! Pence! Olette! - [EDDY] Hercules! Simba!
- [DREW] Simba! Uh, can you leave now? - This is my house.
- That is my hou... Oh, sorry, OK. (all) Can you leave now? This is my house. My name is Professor... Johnson? (outro music)
