- [Mark] Alright, Tyrone. Tyrone, where did you grow up? Where are you from originally? - I'm from Chicago, Illinois. - [Mark] Chicago. And
tell me about your family. You had both your parents
when you were a kid? - Well, I was with my parents, but Pops was never around. He was an alcoholic, workaholic. Moms was just kind of quiet, you know what I'm saying? Quiet and just seemed like she was lost, 'cause I was lost. They used to always take me
over to Grandma and Grandpa's. I used to go over to Grandma's
house when I was a kid, five or six years old, and I'd stay with Grandma all the time. There wasn't no TV in her house. You know what I'm saying? And this man used to
always come over there. See my mother is my father's second wife. See, when my father, when I got older and I was
looking at the birth certificate, Daddy was like 45, Mama was 21. So Daddy had kids before from his first wife, so that's gonna end up in my story because I'm gonna tell you,
the Boogeyman really exists. Now this man when I was
over at Grandma's house, this guy always used to
come in and beat Grandma up. Grandma always used to have black eyes. Then I used to try and save Grandma and he used to beat me up and throw me in the next room, and he did whatever he did with Grandma 'cause I could just hear her screaming, but then he was coming over there with me and do things to me. This went on for awhile, when I was five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10 years old and nobody never said nothing. I wanted to know, did Daddy know? Mama wasn't gonna say nothing. Mama was quiet anyway. But I wondered, you know, did Daddy ever know about me because Daddy, he used
to always come get me from Grandma's. I used to go over there every day, but he would take me back everyday because Daddy had work and Mama did whatever she did at
home, if she stayed home. And those things, he was kept
doing these things to me, and I kinda seemed like
it was kinda normal. I was kinda liking it and looking forward to things like that. - [Mark] Sexual things? - Sexual things. But see, I was a kid, I didn't know. - [Mark] Started at five years old? - Started at five years old, and it's like following me, planning, doing things, and it's time like that I wanted that type of
attention from a man. And I'm not saying I'm a... I just wanted that
attention from, you know. When I was a kid, it just seemed like it was the thing to do to have a strong hand
around me, or touching me. And I didn't know. And I would always wonder, and as time went by,
this man kept showing up. You know what I'm saying? And he was coming over to the house and I was like, you know what I'm saying? And he would stay over at the house, man, what is this man? There was all, but nobody said nothing. I never said nothing, because I was too scared to say something but I enjoyed him being around. He would eat, he would stay over, but he would come in my room late at night. Sometimes I come in the room, he'd be sitting playing with my games and tell me to come over. In my room and I'd sit right next to him. It seemed like nobody didn't know nothing, or nobody didn't care. I don't know, I was a kid. But I believed, at that time, everything was all right. It was the thing to do, you know? And you know how they say, the Boogeyman? He was under your bed and in your closet when you was a kid, that's all we had was the
Boogeyman to be scared of. You know what I'm saying? So
when I would come in the room, as time, I kept coming in the room, so as time, the lights was always off but there was only a little
corner with a light in it with my game. And when I come in, I'd
just go straight over there. Daddy, if he wasn't at work,
he was drunk somewhere. Daddy was a workaholic. Workaholic, alcoholic. And Mama didn't say nothing anyway, so. You know, back in the day,
a woman stayed in her place. And you ain't got, don't say nothing. A man paid the cost to be the boss. That's how it was when I grew up. Kids is not to say a
word, seen but not spoken, and that's how it was. As time went by, it's
just whatever happened, it was supposed to be normal. But was I normal or was I abnormal? Was I the same, was I sane? I don't know. I was so confused, and this
man just kept on being around and he was about as old as Mama. I'm gonna tell ya,
that's gonna keep going. He was old as Mama, and nobody said nothing to him 'cause he was always around. I'm like... But everyday, when Daddy did go to work, they would take me to Grandma's house and he'd end up coming
over to Grandma's house. Grandma even knew him
and would let him in. Man, what's wrong? What's happening, man? I'm just confused about this man because everybody seemed
like it's all right with him so I'm trying to be all right with him, but the things he's doing to me, I guess it's all right because ain't nobody else said nothing. Ain't nobody said a word. So he would sit at the
table, he would eat, he would do everything like
he was part of the family. And as time went by, he
was part of the family. He was my half brother from
my father's first wife. And I never knew this. He was just as old as my mama. My pops left his first
wife and then meet my mama, and as I said, he was about 45 somewhere, Mama was 21. So when I looked at my birth certificate when I was a kid growing up, I said, Daddy, I saw a big difference was. And as time went by and when I got older and I found out that was his first son. He's a junior, 'cause I wanted to realize why I wasn't a junior. I wanted to be like my daddy. I wanted to be a workaholic. My pops, rest in peace, stayed on his job for 47 years, same job. I could never do that. I could never do that. I wanted to be just like him, but my papa used to always say, "Well, you ain't your daddy." My daddy was strong and I had nobody to look up to, but this man who always
gave me some attention and I grew up all, but Mama wasn't strong. My mama did the best she could. She did the best she could. And you know, the way I was raised, family and friends is very
important to have in life. Real family, real family, you got to have them in life. They mean something. They help you, they
don't use you. (sniffles) You can go to them anytime
you wanna go to them. Thank you. Nobody never look at you wrong. They always trying to help you. They always feed you, always. Family. (sighs) Family's very important to have, man. And friends that you grew up
with from the get on is family. You call his mama, Mama. That's how we were, but I had other things happen in my life when I was a kid and I didn't tell nobody. And as time went by, man, I had to learn how to adapt. I had to learn how to survive, you know? But right now, I'm just
existing, I'm not living. I got a lot of shit inside me, man. And there's a difference
between existing and living, 'cause when you're
existing you're just here and when you're living,
you're enjoying life, man. You're enjoying life, and it's a big difference, man. There's a big difference. When I had then off, when I got older and realized
who this man really was, he was too old for me to
try and do anything to. And I wondered at this time why Daddy and his brothers
didn't do nothing to him 'cause I had uncles, but
they were too slick and cool. They ran the streets. (sniffles) You know what I'm saying? They called my old man, rest in peace, his nickname was Hawk. His brother's name was Johnny Cool. They were some cool cats, but they had their own thing going on and it wasn't me. (sniffles) But yeah, like I said man, by the time I realized who this cat was, he was part of my family. - [Mark] So how has this
affected your later life? - I'm scared to hell to get close to kids. You know what I'm saying? I have kids of my own, but we're so departed that I get scared to come around. I got some beautiful daughters but when I look at them like, you know what I'm saying? I don't know. My sons, but when I look
at them, I don't know. I'm not trying to go there. I don't even try to put
myself in that predicament. I just don't know, because I didn't have the help that I really needed mentally. I don't know what type of
help you probably need, psychiatrists, just I don't know. I didn't have no help mentally. Pills won't do it, I don't know. I don't know. I'm 54 years old, I don't know. I don't know. And I'm not ashamed to
tell you I don't know. I'm still gonna be trying to have some type of guidance somewhere, man. I still try to keep an
open mind to get guided because I know it ain't over, but I don't know what I don't know. I don't. (sniffles) Man, I'm tired of existing. I want to start living, you know? And when you've been
existing so many years, it's normal. Now it's hard to, I got to recondition myself and that's an action word. Now I got to try and start living. Man, I got so many years in existing, it's gonna be hard to start living, 'cause I don't know how to live. So you know, I'm just gonna say, I wish they would've
listened to me when I said it's the Boogeyman in my room. They just thought I was joking. You know what I'm saying? 'Cause you know, nah, boy. They didn't understand
me, what I was saying. Because like, when I was a kid, that's all there was was
the Boogeyman you had to be scared of, so they thought I was just scared to go in the dark, be in a dark room, in my room by myself, but every night I wasn't by myself. I don't wanna drag along
with my story, man. I just had to tell y'all what
was kinda happening with me. So you know, mother, father. - [Mark] Have you talked
about this before? - Pardon me. - [Mark] Have you talked
about this with anyone before? - No, no. You know what I'm saying? No, I might, I just... I don't talk about my issues with nobody because they label you, man. - [Mark] You can't out here. - They label you. They put a label on you and then he gonna tell
him, he gonna tell him because they wanna be better than you. They wanna feel better than you, so if I tell you something about me to help you feel better
about yourself to down on me. You know, when I'm out there, man, I don't have. Whatever you do, it ain't
got nothing to do with me. It ain't gonna help me, it ain't gonna hurt me, it definitely ain't gonna
get me off these streets. And it ain't gonna help the
situation that I'm going through 'cause I go through things too. So why should I take on
what you're going through 'cause I can't carry it. I can't carry what I got, so how in the hell am I
gonna carry what you got? So I don't care what you do out there 'cause it ain't got nothing to do with me. Nothing, you know? Honestly man, mother,
father, sister, brother, auntie, uncle, if you got a niece, nephew, kid, someone, whatever, daughter. If they see something in their room, they tell about the Boogeyman, please go check. (sobs) There just might be someone in that room they're not lying about. They might not be what they say, but it's something in that room that you need to check. Sorry, hey, I appreciate y'all. I don't mean no disrespect up to y'all. Thank you. - [Mark] All right, Tyrone. Thank you very much.
