One of the Lucky Ones-Serenity

all right serenity serenity where did you grow up where are you from originally originally I'm was born in Sacramento California but as a baby I moved to uh Washington State just a little outside of Seattle called Bothel Washington um yeah I spent most of my childhood there um besides for a little time that I you know ran away and yeah um how would you describe your childhood childhood uh I had a lot of money growing up um my father was an amazing father um he drove me and my brother from California to Washington with barely any gas begging for help and everything and he looked at us in a car that was with no gas and it was freezing out and he was using everything he could for diapers for us and he looked at us and he promised us that he would never use drugs again and he would always make sure that we had everything we ever needed and he kept that promise always kept that promise even if it meant him never being home um my mother suffered from a drug addiction um um and I mean she was a good mom I mean she was a good friend you know uh she tried but um because of her drug addiction and hiding it from my father um it just quickly became um my job to help her hide it she would utilize me as her tool to hide that um if attention was coming onto her all of a sudden I had another health problem another issue going on um and it it it alienated me from a lot of the world so I my childhood was alone raised by a TV um with McDonald's Jack in the Box you know whatever fast food would feed me no no abuse yeah there was uh not from my parents never um the abuse was um uh there was a man that my first sexual experience was when I was younger and uh it went on from an early age about seven until I was too old for him which was 12 sadly I'd say that was probably the first love of my life and it's weird to say that I've heard that before yeah he was the only one that was giving me any love and affection my parents weren't big on hugs or anything so you know um but yeah he was uh he was my mom's drug dealer and when money started becoming an issue hiding the money um me wanting to fix the issue I just we just it just happened you know made it that way did your mom know about it I don't really want to answer that yeah how far did you go to school I dropped out um 11th grade uh and started selling you know selling myself and selling drugs you know um like I said I wasn't really liked in school very much I was made fun of a lot but my brother he was which me and my brother were only 18 months apart but we were basically like twins um we did a lot of things together growing up um he protected me he sheltered me cuz he did know a lot of what was going on and he wanted to help me um in a way but anyways um he was like Val Victorian homecoming King prom Prince football he played every instrument he picked up he was perfect at it you know everything came easy for him where everything came hard for me and um uh it just I didn't want to be in school no more I wanted to have my own identity um and I didn't want to live in a shadow anymore and I found that through drugs and prostitution I could do that um getting attention from men has always just been the only thing that's been like makes me feel okay about myself makes all the stuff go away that and drugs but what age were you when you started working um the first well I mean I don't really want to know I mean I guess the first time I I was on a blade or you know yeah that's what I meant yeah uh 15 15 I ran away from home I was in Chicago and I was 15 years old and that's where um I actually met my um later to be husband um he was a pimp down there and he was a good man though very good man extremely good man and um he found out my age and he forced me to to go back home and I did and but when I turned 18 that boy was right there man he showed up right at my door and he's like you owe me you know and the rest was history you know we good partners good friends and good lovers you know so how long were you with him he passed away a couple years ago um what was his name what name did he go by Jay yeah he um he was a Jehovah's Witness growing up you know had a big great family um and because of being Jehovah's Witness uh he wasn't good at academics he was good at football and so instead of going to football or going on a scholarship for football um he chose to be a drug dealing pimp because his family basically said if he was going to go play football then he had to lead the family so instead of doing the college and the football thing he did the drug and pimp thing so I I've never understood that and it's caused a lot of issues with my faith because of that like um that was a really hard one for me to swallow why would anyone tell someone not to go follow their dreams he wasn't good at academics so why not that but um we uh we had an interesting relationship no one really understood it um it was quite open we were just honest always honest um and always um there for one another uh he was black or white black black black man but he wasn't your typical pimp like they are here in California I hate to say that but um you know he all the girls he worked with he made sure that they their bills were paid he never would hit them ever ever would hit them he said if he had to hit a girl she's not worth it and you'd always say to the gorilla PS look a female will make you hundreds if she's working out of fear she'll make you Millions if she's working out of love you know and he just made all his girls love him and he help them with CPS cases anything you know if they children needing he was there and uh you know he yeah he he he tried to help these women you know what I mean and and I've tried to do the same but I can't do the same as him I'm not that I'm not like him but he would literally help women you know he would take someone that was low in the gutter accepting [ __ ] pay you know and dirty hair dirty you know skin and dirty nails clean them up get them sparkling fresh and give them a new way of doing things and and show them a new new life and show them that it is possible to spread love and be in this job job without you know totally hating yourself in it um when did drugs start for you oh drugs oh I was doing meth every day at 13 um so the drugs started first yeah I mean other than the the the the partner after I lost the guy the older guy that I was sleeping with when you were a child when I was a child yes um I started with drugs and I was dating a 21 old at 13 and I was doing drugs every day wasn't going to school you know um so uh my dad ended up finding out about that and he sent me to Alaska Alaska was the first time I ever had any kind of rehab anything like that um my aunt Uncle lived in Alaska uh Craig Alaska um and uh he uh my uncle was like he ran the AA and na thing staying there and that was my first taste of recovery and Recovery would become a really big part of my life and and I still try to hold on to it and that's a lot of the reason why my name is serenity now it's because of the Serenity Prayer how long were you in Chicago I was only there for about eight months and then he found out my age he but when he reconnected with you at 18 and then he reconnected me with me no we were still talking from that time on he would still call me check in on me make sure I was going to school stuff like that you know staying out of trouble but when you guys at at 18 where where did you go you stayed in Seattle oh um uh I I went to uh he came to from Chicago to Seattle yes and I was there and I stayed there with my brother um okay that's where we going to go great this is the hardest one right here um that's when we started our long-distance relationship you know he would travel he traveled a lot of places not just staying in Chicago but um and I stayed in Washington um to be with my brother um my brother was the engineer producer for lender Bridge Studio he worked with Jack Andino who worked with Alison chains um Nirvana uh stuff like that like the first um big stars that he kind of collaborated with was mmore and Ryan Lewis on the Thrift Shop song um he's wor with all kinds of artists uh Natasha bingfield I got a pocket got a pocket full of sunshine that song was so funny anyways he did that one um he was just a great musician and I was so excited to see where he was going to go in his life and I wanted to be right by his side when he did it so I stayed with him um being a producer in this day and age with with all the downloading and stuff right you're not making much money so he you would have three jobs sometimes two you know whatever and I would help out too with having a job which by the way my parents moved away when we were 16 um uh they moved to Arizona because my dad found out about my mom's drug addiction at the same time as he was losing everything he ever owned um we were raised in a 12-bedroom house with 5 Acres um we had a skate park in the backyard we we had you know all the things we ever wanted and my dad um he got a DUI actually he ended up paying $10,000 to get out of the DUI but um he got a DUI and he had to do one of those uh breathalizer things you know and so he created this thing where it was called uh Pier moneymar basically he believed that in a second chance so he wanted to give people that had no credit or you know bad credit a chance to get a vehicle cuz he was a car salesman that's how he made his big bucks was selling cars honestly anyways um he created an inner system like inlock system where if you didn't pay your bill it would not allow you to start your car it would shut your car off and then it would send a GPS signal to them to let them know where the vehicle was at that time they would go and they pick up the vehicle and offer a payment plan or try to resolve the issue but it was basically a foolproof way of giving people an opportunity to have a vehicle but still not losing money out of it um he just didn't patent it and so when he presented it to his the owner of the car dealership he was working for they ended up going off with it um and left him behind and he was left with nothing we we slowly watched this everything went away one thing after another was gone um he took what little money he had left moved to Arizona with my mom left me and my brother alone in in Washington um but we pretty much fended for ourselves a lot you know and uh yeah um me and my brother were just super close and we would um kind of tackle on life together that's the way we kind of did things um but um my brother suffered from alcoholism bad and I never wanted him to drink and drive and I wasn't a big drinker you know when I drank my clothes would fall off and for some reason I was always naked with pee all over me I don't know why it always happened but it happened so drinking wasn't my thing you know so um I was driving him or I would be his Dy this designated driver um and I worked a lot of jobs too at that time and I had just worked at Double and my brother um decided he wasn't going to wake me up and he was just going to drive home and we got into a car accident a bad one and I ended up waking up a few months later in the hospital I was um unable to walk I I was UN I I damaged a part of my brain that b basically is where you have all your learning you know your your basic learning skills from when you're a child the the Reading Writing um walking using a spoon using a fork all that stuff it was it was gone I had to relearn everything it was it was similar to having Ms um that's the best way I can describe it you know I had to relearn how to do everything they kept telling my brother that I wouldn't walk and my brother refused to believe that um he he said to them he said look you said her brain is damaged not her spine if it's just her brain that's damaged then then she can walk again we only use a fraction of her brain so maybe we can get her to use another part of her brain and she can walk in um he'd always tell people that I was you know indestructible you know I could do anything so he would move my legs and tell me don't don't just let me move them you need to move them yourself and we would just start singing and moving my legs cuz the the music activated another part of my brain you know so now you'll still see me as I'm walking sometimes and I'll kind of trip a little bit and then I'll start singing and it'll just kind of come back to me you know and I never really understood like the term like it's just like riding a bike you know because I just learned how to ride a bike again like a year ago so it's been a learning curve for me um but I was walking uh and but that's where I developed my heavy addiction to pain medication these doctors threw so much pain medication my way it was ridiculous I didn't even need it anymore and they were giving it to me um so on when I was 20 my brother was 21 we spent that Christmas uh both with no food no electricity no phones no nothing we were losing everything we barely had a home to live in at this point and that was cuz our cousin was the one that was renting it to us because of my drug addiction um someone stole um something from my brother's car it was Kesha Cole's um demo of her new track and they released it and she decided that she was going to sue my brother which meant he lost his career and so because of me my brother's losing his career and um that was very hard for me but um he decided that uh since we had nothing that we would um for Christmas we would give each other a gift and that was getting Silber together my brother drank like a half gallon a day you know I I knew I knew um I've always been an alcoholics but I never knew alcoholic to get sober but um sorry thank you um that's when we decided that we were going to over and so he he literally boarded up the house cuz I you know I I'm when I would get sick man I would fight him tooth and Nails you know it didn't matter I so he just boarded up the house and that's when we be began our our withdrawals together and this is my first time coming off of drugs uh or like um opiates and it was miserable here I am having him get me in and out of the bath um all the while he's suffering from his own [ __ ] and he started talking about bugs crawling out of his skin all this [ __ ] I just I didn't really notice it cuz I was too busy in my own [ __ ] anyways he came out to me and he said that he wanted to kill himself I took a pile of coasters that were next to me and I threw them at him I said well then do it them [ __ ] and I said that because my mom used to do that [ __ ] to us all the time say she was going to kill herself she'd be in the in the garage you know with the exhaust pipe in the [ __ ] car you know revving the engine saying she's going to [ __ ] kill herself we don't do this and so it was just annoying for us we hated that we hated anyone saying they were going to kill our themselves um so when I did that I I didn't expect what was going to come next um all of a sudden my brother comes out with a shotgun I just see him my pral vision just walking with a shotgun and as I run to him to try to grab the the shotgun it goes off and he shot himself in the head um all of a sudden I'm sitting there um covered and blood uh rain I mean it just I just I um I was just looking around and I'm locked in a house I'm boarded in a house how am I going to get out I didn't even know how to use a hammer how old was he he was 21 years old at first I just everyone asked actually at first um I guess I stayed eight hours with my brother I guess I just felt like if I kept holding him it would just go away like if I just kept hugging him and rocking him it would just go away but um everyone believed that I would do that no one believed my brother would he was Mr popular always happy so my family said to put me under investigation for killing him so I um I was arrested for for that at first um but once they saw where um the gunpowder residue was um it was in the frer part of my body and it was on his hand um they you know released me still to this day I have family that doesn't believe that that was the day I lost everyone everything I ever knew and uh um at first I just didn't understand I thought he I thought I thought I thought he hated me that much that he would kill himself in front of me like he he did that to to punish me so like I went through a lot of of trials and tribulations and and after that just hating myself and feeling guilty and uh yeah so um sorry uh how many years ago was that uh 13 years now no I think it was just 14 now yeah it's been 14 years now 14 wow yeah 14 years you you're living in in Los Angeles now yeah when did you come here um I only I I moved here well I move here uh this is all another story um I kind of got to uh fast forward and back up a little bit to tell you the story about how I came here a little bit because there's a story in this too okay so um fast forward I end up moving to Arizona with my parents um and uh that's when my husband moved there me and him went through drug addiction there um homelessness all that junk you know um uh but the biggest thing was is I was wanted to be a mom and I suffered from not being able to get pregnant uh later on we found out that my husband had cancer he had had bladder cancer so it was at stage 4 and um they wanted him to remove his bladder I didn't agree on it um his mom did they wanted to do it so when they did it it it when they did the surgery it spread and um I ended up finding out about this monk that actually worked like nipy hustle um uh for a cure for cancer it was like this big ordeal I don't know if you heard about that that cure for cancer okay well anyways it's something that we all know it's uh no processed food um alkaline water uh no Dairy I guess you know we're really not supposed to have dairy after P best in age that's what they say anyways um and uh I started him on this diet and uh it cured his cancer I mean he went into remission it's basically recycling your body in a way you know you got to uh do a colon cleanse Herbal Cleanse I would do a spiritual cleanse too and then um anyways uh fast for Seven Days Seven Nights and then put no processed food in your body only White Fish and Chicken alkaline water acidic um you know um things I mean it was just uh it worked out no Dairy um but yeah it was I kind of became a naturalist through this but through that um I ended up finally getting pregnant um I was 30 when I first had my [Music] son um but however when we found out that my husband went into remission we both relapsed you know kind of just re celebrate you know the the remission and um and so when I found out I was pregnant I was using drugs um and that's when I started my really heavy recovery um that's when I really started recovery I uh um I found I was pregnant four months into the pregnancy and when I found I was pregnant I was using heroin at the time so I had to start on methadone which wasn't a choice of mine but I had to um so um I had my son on methadone and um CPS would get involved obviously or DHS or whatever you want to call them um I knew they would because I had went to several hospitals asking to help get off the drugs um and keep my baby and um it wasn't until the doctor finally told me hey look stop going to to the hospital just go get on methadone you know it's best thing for the baby so I got a methodone um and then I went into a woman's shelter um next thing you know I went in a family shelter with my husband by the time my son was born uh we were in a place um and I was Heavy in recovery you know I started sponsoring women everything like that um and this was during Co it was really hard with it being covid and all um and then I asked my sister who I had become very close to my sister was actually my dad's best friend's daughter who my dad later on adopted um but she had always lived with us she was always my sister and so when I lost my brother she kind of kind of took over that role as being um you know my right-hand man woman whatever you want to say anyways um she had two kids uh and she suffered with the you know challenges of CPS as well and drug addiction and she had um lost custody of her first daughter and me and my dad took on custody for a while of her daughter to keep keep her out of the system and my my sister got sober got her daughter back and um ended up having another little girl my sister was sober for 5 years and then I asked her uh she had CPS out of her life everything I asked her to go to a meeting with me this is after I had my son Maximus and I had become pregnant right after again with my daughter Maya so I had my kids back to back I was three month my son was 3 months old when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter so here I am at 30 years old with two kids all of a sudden anyways um I asked her to go to a meeting with me and she did and uh we would always bring our kids cuz we believe if we're addicts there's a possibility our children could be addicts so we wanted um our kids to know what it was to be in a meeting and and hear the stories and know like you know the challenges that addicts go through and so um anyway she had expressed that she felt like she deserved to get high that she's been doing so good and she wanted to get high and she had been talking about it for a while she wanted us to get high as soon as my my daughter was born she's like when when you have your your kid let's go get high for like a weekend and then well we won't do it again you know like I've been doing good I've been you know working hard and I told her just stop you're crazy we're never going to get high again like I said we always plan that when we get super old we'll go and we'll go to a deserted island or something and go get super smashed all the drugs we want and just go out that way you know go out with a bang like that's when we'll get high right now we're just going to be moms and do the regular thing cuz you know let's be the good parents we always said we were going to be anyways um someone at that meeting decided to call DCS on my on my sister saying that she had said that she got high around her kids so there my sister was about getting them coming back out her doorstep trying to take her kids away and so I guess she went and picked up some heroin um that was her thing was heroin since she was 16 years old she was shooting heroin like I said I didn't start until I was 19 with the opiates but that was always my sister's thing mine was mess hers was opiates anyways she picked up some heroin and I I guess it had Fenty on it and she did a shot um my oldest niece found her on the ground in the bathroom she had been laying there all night with the needle still on her arm she called me cuz she didn't want to wake up her dad she goes Titi Kiki I'm like what she's like you got to come here mama's mama's I think Mama's went to heaven and I'm like what you know like what do you mean and me and and my sister lived right next door to each other so I ran over there really quick and when I saw her like that it's just I mean it was hard and I just grabbed the girls and I yelled to my brother-in-law I said you know come get come get the girls come meat the girls when he came in he's like why why has why would you do this and he grabbed the girls and he left he never came back for her ashes he never nothing he just disappeared on us no goodbyes no nothing but I knew why I know why he does he did it he was scared that the girls were going to get taken away because they were there when that happened he did what my sister would want him to do and that was run so I knew that he was from California and uh the last place that I knew he was at from his Facebook was MacArthur Park I think that's where they probably got their IDs or something I don't know I'm not sure that's my guess um but I haven't found them but anyways um after my sister died I um I was it was only about 2 weeks later that I had my daughter prematurely the stress of losing my sister caused me to go into early labor um when my daughter came out she sucked in amino fluid and she was small so she had underdeveloped lungs and so when she came out she she was purple and uh I was one of those moms that like when she's you know when I'm giving birth I'm like grabbing my baby right away to just hold them you know it's one of them right away you know and so I'm grabbing her and I'm trying to put her on my breast you know and and and and I'm like I look at her dad I'm like I know she's you know I know she's black but she's supposed to be this purple like joking around you know like I knew she was small and everything but I I don't even know why they let me do that but anyways all of a sudden the nurse presses this button behind me all these doctors and stuff come in and they grab my baby and they take off with her and um I look at her father and I told him that she's dead you know your chance of having a girl is gone you know and you know he never really swore at me but he was very angry at this point he said you know what [ __ ] you [ __ ] I know she's alive I know she'll be okay you know um and he took off um he ended up with his adrenaline rushing ran through that hospital fighting you know during covid you know fighting through the nurses and everything and he went up to our daughter who I guess um you know was had been dead for several minutes I'm not even sure how long um but for a premature baby I guess they really can't be doing too much they can do CPR they can't do paddle stuff like that well um he uh this story is really hard for me to tell right now sorry um anyways he um he ended up with the adrenaline rushing he ended up going into the room and he looked at her and he said look little girl I'm going to put my finger in your in your hand and you're going to grab dad's finger anyways uh I guess I mean he was like in a medical magazine and everything for this um I didn't get a knowledge most of it but anyways he put his finger in the palm of her hand and with uh her being so small okay somehow there was an adrenaline rush and it helped kind of like Kickstart her and so they started working on her again that's when the doctors were working on her and they told him to just keep your finger on the palm of her hand and that's when she grabbed his hand and that would be the moment where those two would become Inseparable those two were inseparable um he stayed in the hospital with her um it would only could be one parent in the hospital you know and uh he was the one I mean he was even like telling me cuz he wanted to have the the effects of drinking breast milk so he would be you know saying like hey you know you know the meet the fuers you know how they have those breasts you know like I don't know if you know but meet the fuers the the the grandpa had this these boobies made so he can breastfeed his his um his grandbaby so my husband's literally asking me to look on Amazon for these breasts so he could breastfeed our baby I'm like okay bro he really wanted me to grab those I'm like okay no you're not going to be wearing breasts but um you know it was just it was it was a lot all at once it was a lot H but still snowing excuse for what happened later on um I ended up just under pressure I started using it again um he was at the hospital with her all the time he's with her all the time and I was alone with our our son and we were finding out slowly that our son was autistic he started slamming his head you know um but he was showing large amounts of just he was so he's so smart he's so smart but social skills are where he lacks you know he just lacks there but he loves music and um God he's so smart I remember one time he was watching his dad um putting up a baby gate and he was able to reenact that but backwards but utilizing me and that's where I kind of went wrong I really allowed my son to utilize me for a lot of things um anytime he needed some like let Mommy do it for you then have Mommy do it you know I just me and him were insufferable I couldn't even let him go to daycare I was one of those moms that would bring him to daycare and I was seeing outside the daycare like all right when do I get to get my kid back I want my kid back you know um me and him were very close uh but um I started using again and I met this guy who um his name is Kyle he um he's the one that showed me that my brother when I told him about my brother's death he said wait you know he's like your brother didn't kill himself your brother was going through withdrawal from alcohol he's like he was hallucinating he's like when you drink that much and you get off alcohol you hallucinate your brother didn't know what he was doing um it helped me out a lot it healed me a lot and and through him um I found what what love was again in a different way you know my husband was this Burly black dude uh from Chicago hard hard man just you know um but yet very loving and compassionate but um to Kyle a skinny Ginger white guy um you know and um complete opposites and it's kind of what I needed at the time um I had obviously had two kids close back to back at an older age I was 30 when I had them so I had postpartum depression really really bad uh the postp Parton depression I Now understand what women go through with that I always thought how could a woman kill her kids like I don't understand that at all like how could you do something like that never in my mind could I imagine doing that now I understand why I was on autopilot I was WR no I wasn't writing the back seat for months almost over a year actually the events that happened after the birth of my daughter are just me um up and down uh multiple personality disorder came out I mean I was dissociating from from everything I was separating myself from life and people and everything um I truly believed in my head that um I am cursed and everyone that I love will die if I'm around them I will bring them bad luck and death so I thought the best thing to do would be leave the kids and my husband um so I did and and uh my husband continued to take care of the kids for a little bit but struggled constantly trying to get me to come home um he even got to the point where he let me and my boyfriend come live at the house um but it was just a lot of [ __ ] anyways um Kyle uh he allowed me to be myself and yet he he catered to my to my craziness you know what I mean like he if I was being this person he was catering to that person I being this person he was catering to that person like he was literally changing as I was for me like in a way you know what I mean but when we lost the house we ended up losing the house [Music] um first um I had I had the car and I left my husband at home with the kids with no car um so I could have the car to go running around doing my drugs I mean this horrible um and I had gotten into a car accident cuz I was nodding out and um sadly um it took me to a place where I just wanted to find death and I felt like the kids were unsafe around me cuz what if the kids were in the car they could have gotten hurt and um it would have been my fault and I was nodding out you know and um I was doing everything I told myself I wouldn't do um after having you know 42 allegations against me three cases from CPS and my kid only being kids only being like you know one and two years old at the time um I I uh I just felt like there was no way I would ever go back to using and and and doing stuff like that so when I when I realized that uh you know I wasn't good them I I forced my husband to move to CH back to Chicago with his family with kids I told him just go go with the kids so he left with the kids uh Chicago and um that's when I moved the boyfriend into the house and it turned quickly into just a trap house you know what I mean and um uh we ended up losing the place um quickly uh we had a lot of people just breaking down doors just you name it you know we were selling drugs at the time so that brought a lot of [ __ ] um then we got into a little bit of f like you know uh legal issues and he was scared to sell drugs anymore so I went to prostitution again I had had at that point not been prostituting for a good like four years and you know I I I was happy to finally be okay with being with one person and that was you know Kyle and uh um anyways the uh with the financial issues I started working again first behind Kyle's back and then with Kyle's knowledge and acceptance next thing you know he's literally watching as I'm getting into a car to go do it and when and waiting for me I would come out and I would give him the money and you know and I kind of like turned him into lowkey like a little like assistant slash like kind of like you know my pimp in a way um like an idiot anyways that took him away from his twin brother um his friends that he knew you know he was very close to some you know some of his friends so um whenever he got arrested I would never do much for him in jail um I would always attempt to get a phone but not get a phone I'd get a little money on his books but I wouldn't do much cuz I knew he'd be getting out soon I wouldn't bail him out nothing like that so he ends up getting arrested and this is when I had run away from him we were separated so he gets arrested and I'm desperately trying to find a phone and get you know money on it and everything well anyways he ends up hanging himself in jail um in between count they found him um with the sheet wrapped around his neck in his cell he had been without oxygen for quite some time and he was put on life support I get a call from his mom or not a call from his mom I called his mom to to get messages from her you know cuz she was like our messenger or whatever anyways um she tells me what happened and said that we're just waiting for um him to get released from custody so that we could know where he was at and go visit him and that uh his both of his parents had divorced and were not in the same state they weren't in Arizona they were not other states um so his dad was flying down but uh him and his dad had a horrible horrible relationship I mean they hated one another um so my boyfriend's dad comes uh he gets released um we're talking to the doctors and the doctor says there's AB no brain function whatsoever um he's gone and but he's an organ donor so um you know um they wanted him to you know donate his or they I just I didn't want it to happen I was trying so hard to convince his father otherwise but I had no legal standing on this situation and um I felt like it was all wrong you know I could go through a conspiracy right now but so much of what happened was just not right he was a very Godly guy anytime you know he would hear of someone doing that he'd say what what a [ __ ] way to go you know and I just didn't think he would do that like but they say that about a lot of people right you know and um so um that's when um or sorry I'm just having a hard time with this um after uh after some time in the hospital asking for evidence of this of of His no-brain function for some reason whenever the doctor was in I was never there um I just had to take his dad's word for it when the person came in asking about the organs and everything um he was a drinker for most of his life he smoked over a pack a day he did Xanax fentanyl uh methenamine um and he Dr drank over a half gallon a day he's had doctors say that he couldn't they could put an elephant out with the amount of meds that they give this guy he was indestructible so really I mean he wasn't that great of an organ donor I thought but they thought otherwise I guess his dad sat there started telling him about what a piece of [ __ ] he was he wasn't even talking about his lifestyle was just what a piece of [ __ ] he was and I was just so just heartbroken over that it was just ridiculous and his brother just couldn't his twin brother just couldn't come in and do anything so I lost the battle with trying to keep him on life support and he went in for a surgery for the organ transplant of his heart I got to meet the um parents of the child that was getting his heart um which later on this kid would email me and I would call him and this kid said something that touches my heart to to day it's so beautiful this kid was an avid um skateboarder and so is Kyle and he um he had a heart failure and he couldn't even skate no more or anything um within just a couple months after surgery he was skateboarding and everything but he said to me that he said I he was he's 17 and having a 17-year-old tell you this is really heartwarming but he said you know um I want to tell you something he said Kyle really loved you I'm like what do you mean he's like whenever I think about you or I'm going to go call your something he's like I feel a tug in my heart he's like that man loved you with all of his heart to me that was uh yeah felt good he really did love me a lot and uh again I feel like I killed him like it's my fault for everything anyways um it was nice have that but there I was I left the hospital I had no money um and then a truck driver pulled over and um he asked me if I wanted to make $1,000 and I said doing what he's like uh just go to California with me for two days and come back and you know you know I'm like okay yeah I'm down let's do this with the with the trauma and everything I wasn't even thinking about collecting money nothing um he was handling all everything I needed food drugs whatever I needed he had it and um so when we got to Pomona California we got into a hotel room and it was right on San Antonio and Holtz and that's where the you know whole blade is anyways um he ends up uh leaving while I was sleeping I get a knock on the door with the maid you know banging on the door saying it's time to check out um I look around and everything is gone he's gone my purse is gone my phone's gone um I mean this man wiped me out of every what little I had on me he wiped out and left me with nothing he didn't pay you yeah he didn't pay you and he did not pay me and he didn't even give me another night in the [ __ ] hotel room excuse my Lang sorry in the hotel room so there I am getting kicked out of a hotel room in a place I've never been no money no nothing and I'm looking around going okay so what am I going to do now well there's a ho blade what do you know and that's when I run into a gorilla pimp that was my first experience with a gorilla pimp and boy was that not fun um wow gorilla pimps are something different aren't they taking all your money uh saying that they had an account open for you that they're putting it in it was funny he was saying to all the girls that he had an account um and money was you know that we all had accounts um and it was uh money was being put in it and you know really he was buying crack but the account he was talking about was the account with the United States Treasury that we all have that's with our birth certificate number I mean these girls were so naive and stupid when this guy was talking was like dude this guy is really a number but you know he he um he was called the prince of Pomona basically so there was nothing I could do to get out of this situation I was stuck I was forced um to go in and out of cars I mean I've never really worked like that I've never been one to be on a blade and going in one car and out of car I mean yes I would go an escort and and yes have sex sometimes but it was high dollar things I wasn't doing anything for like 40 50 60 bucks and doing like 20 jobs a day this guy really put a number on me you know what I mean and just force it but I wasn't seeing a scent from it there's also a truck stop there yeah were you working the truck stop no no that's a lot lizards I no I've done it a couple times but that's a lot of traveling and I get in trouble when I travel so you know but um no um in pona was just mostly on San Antonio and HT um I was working with him with him luckily some guy bought me out his name um I'm sorry I'm moving around a lot my bad sorry um I don't know uh pimp and bird he was friends with uh that famous rapper from Pomona what's his name um sugarfree he was friends with sugarfree he has this whole like interview he's done pimp and bird he's a big known pimp you know but he bought me from this gorilla pimp thank God cuz he was my salvation really uh he saw a pretty white girl that was just covered in bruises all time time cuz I couldn't shut my mouth um you know uh constantly you know getting beaten up [Music] and and he kind of saved me a little bit um you know I was still working heavily but um you know he was keeping me safe and he wasn't hitting me and he got me a car and everything like that but mostly he got me away from this guy um yeah but um the the job became too much for me I did not want to just keep putting myself in a position where I was just all I was doing all day long was working and and selling my body to for for for not enough for me honestly like if I'm going to sell my body is going to be in my terms in a situation where I feel safe and feel like I am getting respect that's what I thought I wanted you know like that's what I thought I should get little did I know that was not what was going to happen you know but anyways I ended up leaving him and that's when I came to La I ran away from him came to LA and [Music] um I I don't know if you remember the story I was telling you about my sister uh and my brother-in-law and how my brother-in-law ran in the last place I saw him was that Mur Park so when I ended up in California I was like great I can just go to MacArthur Park and maybe I could get some information about you know my brother-in-law W in McArthur Park and that is the Hub of fenol I mean there's zombies everywhere it's sad sad though um and uh when I got there um I haven't gotten much information but I knew that I just wanted to um do things a little bit differently um and help people like give back you you know try to change my life around a little bit stop being selfish um try to not hurt anyone and try to benefit them which has caused me to a lot of pain as well because um you know it's like you can help people so much but still you know they're going to do what they're going to do you know people are dying every day around that park right now um not just from the fentanyl overdoses um but from the sores that they're getting um the a lot of them are getting septic and dying um so I've always I I've been trying to do wound care for them um I've done wound care before so I'll do wound care for them um when an overdose happens they're always yelling for me you know Serenity because I you know I've only lost a couple people anyways but um being at Arthur Park I would try not to work from there um or skidrow because both places are known for getting um picking up women that are hooked on drugs and paying them nothing and a lot of times the girls get hurt a lot of times well um I guess R McArthur Park um I would get sniffed out by what I would later call the stranglers um these guys uh it was a group of guys um the first time I encountered them uh it was one guy he flashed me a bunch of money and then I hopped in his car at MacArthur Park and he brought me to a remote area and that I the whole like as we're getting further and further away from the city you know I'm like dude we're going too far like what's the [ __ ] where are we going you know and at this point there was like no way I can just get out I just want to see it through you know like let's just get this done with let me get a couple hundred dollars and be done you know and um next thing you know we're we're showing up to like this Warehouse right we go in the warehouse and as I'm walking in there's four other guys and um you know he kind of hits me from the back of the head I don't know with what I can't I have no idea what and uh I I I like come to and um when I come to I'm one of them's having sex with me you know and um I thought if I would just like moan and like like show pleasure that maybe I get through it faster no they didn't like that at all they wanted me to fight and um what they would do is they would strangle me until I'm just about to pass out and then they would stop and they would do it all over again just kept doing it and strangling is like my fear you know and um then I the only thing I said to him I said can you please just bring me back home and they all were Hispanic and and barely spoke any English but one said you know where's home and I said MacArthur Park just bring you back to the park you know I want back Park anyways they when they were all done doing what they were doing um they started driving me back and right as I'm seeing the park we almost got to the Bank of America well they ended up turning around and doing it all over again bringing me back this time you know I was fighting and so I got chloroformed and woke up to the same ordeal and that wouldn't be the first time they picked me up they're getting different drivers but every time I get dropped off to the same four guys um funny they picked me up four times um but yeah they they they picked me up four times that I know about um because there was another incident that just recently happened but um I learned how to kind of not like I learned don't get in a car when you know you want dope and you're in a dope field area just don't do that no more but also if it's a Hispanic wearing a lot of cologne and flashing you money just don't even do it don't do it you know it's just that's how I'm not going to run into them again that's what I thought well little I know I was like wrong is but I'm not sure if this is associated or not but um just recently uh right before I came here um I was on a date uh I got picked up like an idiot from skro and it was because my needed money so he could go to the hospital he needed dope so he can go to the hospital because he was septic he was becoming septic his legs were infected heavily and I just so badly wanted to make sure he had enough dope to go to the hospital so I jumped in this car and um I I look in the back seat every time I didn't see anyone but all of a sudden I smell chloroform and as I'm looking behind me the guy Chlor forms me and um I come to um but this time in a trunk um I was in there for 3 Days the only reason why I knew was because there was a little bit of light that was shine through like the the rim of it that I can kind of get my fingers under um that I could see when it would turn light and dark I would hear them from time to time arguing or you know I don't know any Spanish really I know very little you know anyways I not sure what they were arguing about but they left me in that trunk the whole time I didn't eat no water um I was pissing on myself I was sick so I started you know [ __ ] on myself I mean it was bad it was miserable and I knew I was going to die it was the end for me I was done with you know um I just didn't know what was going to happen like I just so scared anyways um uh there went about a whole day with no sound nothing I couldn't hear no one nothing I mean I heard nothing it was just no sound and I don't know if you know but La is loud you know when you go from LA to no sound at all it's just it's scary I'm like am I in hell right now like where am I like what is this like the things that were going on in my head were just unbelievable was just a light through the little crack in the yeah so you're Outdoors somewhere yeah yeah and and um it would get really hot during the day like super hot sweating balls so it was nice when IID get a breeze so there was a breeze you know not a great one but a little one and sometimes dust would come in so I knew that I was in a Dusty area anyways I started praying really hard and I don't know I've never really been much to believe in God but I felt like it was a good time to pray so I prayed and I prayed and I I I just I asked for forgiveness I didn't even ask him to get me out of that situation I said just please forgive me for all my wrongdoings and uh I accepted that there was a chance I wouldn't be forgiven and I'll probably end up in in hell if there is a hell but at least I'll be with my brother but to take care of my kids anyways um finally I felt a little bit of peace and I kind of fell asleep for a second and then I wake up and I'm there couldn't even be 20 minutes next thing you know I just hear like a pop and the trunk opens just a little bit you know like I'm like you know I'm like looking like oh my God I'm getting out you know like what's going on like they're about to kill me like I didn't know what was going on I'm like why did I fall asleep oh my God what did they say when I was falling asleep what going to go on like are am I going to get shot how am I dying like you know I'm like please just don't strangle me to death please I'm like just shoot me please just shoot me you know I'm just sitting there forever and nothing's happening the door is just sitting there and kind of going like this a little bit and I start going hello hello like you guys are going to kill me can you guys do it already like this this is [ __ ] you know and all of a sudden I open the trunk more you know just to kind of look and I I look around I'm in a dead desert like I'm in no man's land there's nothing around me at all nothing I couldn't even see a road you know I'm just in desert and um I'm just like okay there's no one around and that's when I decided to look in the car but at this time I'm so scared to even get out of the car I felt like if I got out of the car it was going to be some sick game like they were going to hunt me down like and I just didn't want to be hunted like I just I wanted to see I wanted to face the person that was going to kill me you know so I stayed in there for a good amount of time but then I finally looked in the car and no one was in the car I don't know how that trunk open I can't tell you how it did I can't say it was God I can't say anything I mean I don't know because I did stay in there a long time someone could have opened it and took off I don't I don't know how open but it opened and I'm sitting there and I just go okay just run just go just go run so I I start running I don't even know what direction I was going in I started running I after a couple hours of walking running walking running sitting you know throwing up I um come to a road and I'm literally jumping in front of the cars and there's only a car coming every 45 minutes and it's middle of the day you know like I don't know you know that we were that far out you know anyways um finally I jump front of this car and this guy stops and he tells me to get in I get in and I just start crying just of just thank you but at the same time I'm a little like hesitant because like is this guy going to be a bad guy like what's going on and he's like so you're one of the lucky ones huh and I'm like what do you mean by that he's like you're not the first girl I picked up out here I'm like what do you mean he's like you're about to get sold for sex slavery I'm like what what do you mean like how do you know this like he's like he's like uh let me guess you were left in the desert in a car weren't you I'm like yeah how did you know that he's like you're not the only one that happens to he's like if the deal doesn't go through on the other end of Mexico you get left out there for dead Sometimes some of the girls get out he's like so you're one of the lucky ones but most times they're found dead in that in that car if they're not already sold and shipped to Mexico so he told me the whole ins and outs as he drove me all the way to La back to the park he said that girls go missing all the time here they come here to be actresses they come here to be um to make something of themselves instead they're giving drugs um drugs ug while they sleep raped while they're sleeped forced into prostitution they go crazy and um and if they can prove that there's no one that's going to look for them that hard like they have no one they get sold and they never come back and uh yeah so I guess that was one of the lucky ones all right Serenity thank you so much for sharing your story thank [Music] you that

Channel: Soft White Underbelly

Views: 313,716

Keywords: soft white underbelly, swu

Id: P0pq6aeO1vw

Length: 71min 7sec (4267 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 25 2024