The Bolz

the best past best [Music] the Best Buy Shawn Cherie Bowles Shawn is he jokes were like the best friends that never see each other because they're both so busy I might literally ran into the guy at like an airport in like one time or something hey Shawn you know and it was like I mean we both we we don't get to see each other a lot but we he was around when the when we started our House of Prayer we got immediately connected with Shawn Bowles through Jill Austin who was a wonderful prophetic mother to so many of us and and Shawn came to basically an event for somebody he had no idea who was which was us and we were starting a House of Prayer and Shawn shows up and he just shows up and walks in such tenderness and gentleness and just kind of I mean he's just normal like he's just very he's Shawn he's just very much like he is who he is and I love it and we've just so appreciated him in his ministry and the friends that they've been and his his passion to gather young leaders and we got connected at their house I mean a lot of story but um then we were able to go to Shawn and Charisse wedding as well which is like all-star wedding of the century you know and Bill and Benny and you're all doing everybody looked up to is there really we just so love them I think that would be an interesting story to hear because Shawn had waited a really long time to get married and I know that he has because he's so deep in the Lord and has spent so much time I mean I think he's he's probably done more marriage counseling you know what I mean the people in his congregation I thought that's a really interesting story what happens when a minister gets married in their 30s you know how does that marriage come together and work I was excited to go talk to them know my parents are really really fun people and they were first-generation Christians and then they met each other before they were Christians actually and they actually stayed pure which is really weird before they were saved they didn't have sex they just had this like high standard but their families weren't like that at all and so when they got saved they got went on a real empowerment journey and they were like we want to do things for our children that our parents never thought of doing for us we're gonna raise them with like hard skills and emotional skills and like really love I was pushing my mom she was like really good at like emotional intelligence and praying through things and she was a real intercessor and they would throw out like that really just phases but they would process it with us like they would like to say okay we don't know if this is the right way to follow God or pursue but we're doing our best and we didn't have what you guys have which is our example so like you have to learn from our weaknesses and our strengths because we don't know what we're doing so I had a really I love my growing up like I loved my experience with my parents and their their marriage really has been like such a model to me they've been made for 51 years of joy Cheers fifty-two years we actually got engaged at their 50th anniversary in Hawaii I really I was really blessed yeah for me both of my parents were we're saved so I was raised in a Christian home yeah it was kind of a mix you know we definitely there were there were aspects of our family where there was some abuse and physical abuse unfortunately so in fighting there definitely it wasn't ideal in that sense so see I was kind of hard because you have like the the Christian and like go to church and really genuinely love God and trying hard and our family genuinely loving each other and being really close but then having some pretty big dysfunction in the midst of that for me there was if there's a period I went through like is a young adult where I didn't want to get married you know I kind of had that typical broken I don't want kids they didn't want to get married but I think it's just you know you I think that was coming from a just a place of just hurt you know where you're kind of like why would I why would I do that because it was just my only example my mom so sweet she goes you know one day you're gonna meet a man and he's just gonna melt you and you will get married and I was like no I'm not you know kind of an attitude like I'm just you know I'm gonna do my own thing and and I'm she said no you will and I said yeah okay you know and that's what that's what happened so I really I changed by the time I was like probably 23 I totally wanted to be married and you know and all that so I just went through a healing journey from that from me we were such good friends that we were lying I mean for me I had been around so many amazing women of the body of Christ like so many people and everybody married off forever yeah well this heart is that most the Mennonite entity where they won an administrator they were in a ministry partner that's what they wanted when they looked at me they looked at like what I could build with them and it was a performance kind of thing I don't say they all have that as a motive but it felt like that and so was Sheree like we just genuinely loved who each other was like and so I feel like when we were talking about marriage there was just nothing that was scary to me about being with her every day prior to prior to getting married to Sean I we ended up having me quit my job and we were just gonna join our lives like that just because we were gonna travel together and but then a really interesting thing happened though because I got pregnant right away like a month and a half in and and then my respective plans for years and then my dad was coming into the acute right when we got married the acute decline in which he ended up dying of ALS so it was interesting because we had all these expectations I was I love women and I'm very passionate about women and process in life and so we had all these ideas about what I was going to do and it was gonna be great and but then I kind of write when we it all happened when we when we got married that I got pregnant and then my dad started dying like actively I'm in a really really hard way so honestly I just checked out we went to a really really hard season that we're just now coming out of which was like you know I remember the day that we were having our baby shower after her dad has been already done the day we ever baby shower we knew her grandpa was in the hospital at his time but he died the moment we started the baby shower it was just like everything like we just can't be any bad news and I think something that we came to agreement with was let's be really gentle let's be real but let's be really gentle with each other like let's not let's slow down for each other a lot let's give each other tons of grace we don't even I said I don't know what I would do if my dad was dying right now I don't know what my heart process of these so you're doing fine like were we're still we didn't lose anything wrong we kept gaining ground and I thought I question like would you have wanted to be married to her if he knew you were to go through so much together so fast like would you wanted to wait in a year or two you know if you it just did for the process I thought no I'm so glad I'm going through this with her I'm so glad I got to be there with her dad is going through the worst time of her life because we're building a support level that you can't get any other way and I want her to be there for me able to reap what I've sown like when it was our time if we're doing life here this is what life is - I think we just made a lot of choices to be extremely gentle but very honest very very honest and but I was so grateful for that because if there was any little piece or crack in my foundation that could have messed us up later it get really worked out where it's like no performance no striving just be and love people and love God and it's okay if you do anything do anything right now I would take care of yourself you know Wow so William Suri has taught me is how to be present and I've always valued that but it was like she'sshe constant is like going no now like let's be present than now let's look at each other you know yeah not in a controlling way but in a way it's like let's you know and I think some of your challenges you've given me in a good way and I don't mean that like challenges like fights I mean challenge we don't actually fight that much and it's very very rare but there's a place where she is fighting for the quality of life today not just for reach tomorrow or yeah whatever it's like today we need have equality and so that quality of life we've been fighting for and so even in the midst of all the trauma there's moments for a story and I've had like brilliant times when we shouldn't have except for the grace of God and because we allowed it I do think like getting there it shows you especially like when your ministry how many relationships you have that are serving something versus or actual real connections as we did have to and I'll be careful to say because I mean some people who want to something it's them or like feel wrong about it but there was some codependency to ministry relationships I know that I get healed of but it hurt and you know I'm just walking through that season was just realizing like wow even as a leader this this many years into it I still have formed some relationships over our connection to ministry in a way that's actually using people and that were we were my feelings I was still capable of doing that because I preached integrity of love and don't violate love for the sake of ministry all the time and I was in the middle of a couple relationships that were actually like super dysfunctional and so I was really grateful for eyes and then she had to trust God in me because there's times when and I was under 8 we're both very independent so I remember one of our big fights was over you know she said I'm an asset I'm contributing to you I'm not coming to just build conflict or just create division into your perspective and I actually like trying to help you and every time I bring something up on a critical level it's like I don't know that you look at me as an asset I think you're defending yourself or defending your way of life for a living and I'm just trying to share with you I think in ministry too like you said not all the time but a lot of the time you're in a celebrated scenario right you're where the rocks are like right you travel all around the world world people are so psyched about your perspective and what bring and your gifting and your talents and your living in a celebration bubble all the time sometimes a single ministry person the lives in that bubble that's not touched by challenge often right and so that's a challenge I think when you get married sometimes as you're blessed somebody on such a personal level right and yeah there was like at one point I said would I feel like you'd only hear this if it was Bill or Danny yeah I'm not them but do you trust me yeah one of our messages that we carry all the time is that the character of love is teachability right and if you don't teach people you don't have a character in your love so we're constantly kind of self-improvement like what do we need to change but some things in life hits you you can't change right away like it that's the hardest part it's like we're we're looking at each other going okay there's certain things that happen like the stuff that would come out from our dad dying or the stuff that came up from the ministry going through this explosion of hardness before it went through a good season and there's some stuff that you just have to persevere and go this is going to change today I love you anyways I love you for you are one of my friends so much so I don't if you're attracted to Cherie this is for a dating if you're trying to destroy and you want her to change my others before she's gonna be ready for you she's not the one because some never changed yeah and so you need to love her for who she is today and deliver I don't know the other two start dating her you know like that kind of thing but but I really am in love with this woman right here she doesn't have to become a level-10 for me she's not with ten oh my hurry what was the funnest thing for you to find out about Sheree or the favorite thing to be found out in the midst of all that because you're discovering each other there's so many these moments like everyone says in characters I know this sounds super cheesy and for the sake of a one flash video thank you guys we're trying to dig some dirt but one thing I mean we keep saying to each other like every day we feel lucky yeah I think probably my biggest surprise as funny as this is would be like how how fun is just to be married but yeah and how easy it is honestly I mean out just relations you know it's just it's fun and I think I was surprised by that by you know some people say well the first year is the hardest which you know everyone has different experience so but even though our first year was hard from outside circumstances we just it's fun I have I never knew it could be so much fun in so hilarious and ridiculous and no we laugh all day long we like scream off all they want Harper like has no idea what I mean Harper it's like this morning we're like we wish you a Merry Christmas there something in Houston on one side of the peeking in her room like this and she just watching our heads poked it and we just it's like kind of like a total but we I think like the surprises we find out about each other are like there's there's facets of each other that like and even things that she says are usually were conversationally people are my client I'm married to her like she just said that like she just helped somebody through years of counseling through one thing she said like that's amazing and she tells me all the time like she's at words of encouragement person to give that's one way she gives love us and this one away she receives the most love which this one way she gives the most love and so she'll tell me all the time like you were like so inspirational tonight and she says I'm making a way that nobody else like him no weird Reformation person here but for some reason God chose my wife to speak things that actually like three days ago I'll think about and the moment that I'd always like I'm not like oh that's awesome I'm just gonna go thanks and then three is there a mic when she yeah like it's just it's crazy because I I guess that never I have other lovers that have been here predominant that's just cool it's I discussed that for us it's just super funds we still feel like 12 years later we're still finding new things why the cursing rise question because it's so fun to like I think that's why it's so fun to hear you say that it's fun because it really is oh sure is relational stuff but you get to spend the rest of your life with this person it's like this really is fun it's beautiful and zubaan and it's a journey just like you're saying just be present in that moment and joy like we've miss out on so many little moments that we get to enjoy yeah that we should be enjoying or busy running through them being busy yeah I've always had really good friends I've always been able to pour into them like but to have one person where all your love can go into yeah it's just amazing to experience like the benefit of that to the experience like serving something with your whole heart there's so much to get back my job is to like always anticipate and think of like what would make her in Harper's life the better version and so I'm thinking like I'm trying to think steps ahead of like what's gonna make her happy what's gonna make her come alive what's gonna make her feel safe what's gonna make her feel loved and I literally like wake up and think about that like I wake up and think like what can I do he's easy to love and he's easy to trust and easy to respect because he's really sound period I tell him I'm like I'm so grateful do you have incredible judgement I trust you with my life I I just it's it's just not it's really not hard for me really I mean even in like from time to time if there's something I don't quite understand or maybe we don't completely agree I trust him so much like I'll be like it's not easy or it's not hard to just be like you know what we can we can do that that's fine we agree pretty common err frequently but no it's it's a hard to respect him he's just really solid what are some tools for you guys that have helped to say hey look we really want to stay on course these are a few things that have helped us stay on course and hopefully we'll do so for the longevity of our relationship I know a lot of young many people think the character is like when your spouse is able to point something out and you but the real reality is that's the first stage in developing character the second stage is starting to catch yourself in it like oh I'm doing something wrong in the third stage is not doing anymore and that's when it's real character and I think a lot of young marriage you're like what you know like I'm catching myself as I'm screaming at you or like I'm you know it's like this kind of stupid mentality like yeah I'm catching myself in the behavior I'm acknowledging it but the spouse is looking for I want this gone yeah but there's no processing tools like I'm not I'm not comfortable enough with my own skillset to be my only resource I think one of the biggest challenges in marriage is when you don't have an equal value for the same things at each other so if I have this high value for like going deep and being vulnerable and growing together and being transformed right in our marriage but Shaun doesn't yeah you really can't talk someone into sharing the same value right it's really keen discipline themselves or out of a love for you sacrificing go there with you but I think that's I think that's one of the biggest challenges with marriage that having the same value for you know for safety emotionally and vulnerability and being willing to change being teachable loving truth like those are some of the things like when I said I it's easy to respect Sean it's like even at the end of the day no matter what is going on I know that we our vision for our marriage we value the same exact things so at the end of the day it's really not alike who's right who's wrong it's like how do we fix it and just move on in a more strong way this is who she really is this is you I feel like I'm trying to be you know we've made this I mean there's so every time it kind of built major offense and we've had some real Tigers to go through to where we kind of I feel like we turned we look at each other and said let's keep doing life let's keep let's connected let's protect connection at all costs yeah this hurts but this feels better than if we hurt each other yeah [Music] even if [Music] you ever the best [Music] the best part [Music]

Channel: Jake Hamilton

Views: 59,637

Rating: 4.8711338 out of 5

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Id: vmNuS7aAnkY

Length: 19min 15sec (1155 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 29 2014