An Interview with Jimmy and Karen | MarriageToday | Jimmy Evans, Karen Evans

all right here we go ready start at the beginning Jimmy often shares about how you both met in high school so what were some of your memories of Jimmy as you were dating oh oh can I say and well first of all I was 16 and I'm 60 now so it's like oh my gosh I have to go back and think that far away but the first time I ever saw Jimmy he remember him standing in the doorway of one of the school classrooms and we were in high school and these girls were always hanging around him I mean and he would just be standing there like and his tight little jeans and his cigarettes you know and his long hair oh it's so cute and and he'd be standing there and these women are just hanging all over him but I was so painfully shy I just remember thinking that is so cool that that many women love one man and so and I never thought about it you know with me and him because I actually had a crush on his brother oh this just got interesting they just got gross yeah and his brother didn't know it he never knew because I was like I said so shy and so but Jimmy the thing that what attracted me to Jimmy was as much as he acted so cool there was something about his heart that's so attracted me and you know I like to say this to women all the time or a bet to men really that a woman is usually attracted to a man's heart first it's not so much as looks even though that you know can be part of it and I just remember his demeanor was just so appealing to me it was just so sweet but yet once we started dating and I think we said this before we dated for years before we got married we had more fights probably when we were dating than when we first got married because it was such a volatile relationship of two people so young and with so much baggage that we didn't know about and but I just loved him I mean I loved his heart I loved who he was as a person so that's kind of so you did it for four years before you got married and now you're married how did you deal with those disappointments or the disillusionment early on now that this is your spouse well we we fought we were still fighting but the one thing that Jimmy and I had that was such a blessing is we developed a really deep friendship while we were dating and so we truly were best friends and we talked about everything there wasn't one thing we did not discuss it was something that I can look back now and I would so highly recommend don't keep anything from who you're gonna marry tell him everything and we did we talked about everything in our lives our past you know anything we had done whether it was with you know he told me all about his girlfriends all the wonderful things he did and she told me a week before we got married she wouldn't marry me well because he was a bad boy that day um but I told her about that yes he did and I'm saying he could not not tell me and that's another thing that you know I just think is so important I can handle sin coz I know I sin we all sin just don't lie about it just tell me just come out and tell me and so you know that's one of the things that we've really done you know in our marriage is you know when we have issues you know it's one of my biggest things is just tell me the truth you know just keep that trust factor so absolutely was it difficult in those early years to turn to each other and when you all felt each other drifting away how did you cope with that I think the worst that our marriage got was we fought a lot and we kind of got locked down on some issues money was a because we saw money so differently i golfed all the time I was gone a lot in and I was a chauvinist so I my concept of marriage was it was all about me and she was just lucky to be around you know in I mean that's the way I fought and I just thought men are better than women it's about me and she gets to take care of me and I don't want her to cause a lot of trouble so when I would come in well that means so I would come in from playing golf and working and be tired and she would put demands on me and I just normal demands but not you know normal demands I mean and and I my response to that was don't ever look me in the eye and talk to me like that again and I mean I just didn't think that women should do that I was a male chauvinist pig and so we we just fought but Karen was a healthy Christian woman growing in the lower very much growing and I was still a baby but it was a good thing because in a good way she started challenging me and not in a bad way but in a good way well that's I told her to get out of the house so one night I come in and she yeah I've been golfing and all that stuff and and she challenged me again and asked me to be a part of the family asked me to do normal things that a guy should do and I said get out of the house get out here and we get on the church that Sunday I'd had my quiet time that morning I mean but so my male chauvinist pig brain is trying to process a healthy woman you know trying to get me to be a part of the family and at the same time I just you know my whole world was imploding but it's a good thing and that really when we got to those months prior to that we really got to a time where we couldn't talk I mean any conversation we had just ended up in the file you know I came from a family that I heard fighting I knew what fighting sounded like so when we would fight I didn't think that was abnormal you know I just thought everybody fights you know but you know it's getting through those fights how do you make sure that you and so I grew up trying to be a peacemaker when his family they just didn't talk and they they never hurt you never hurt heard that but we came into our relationship when we both had a lot of anger issues but we dealt with it so differently like my anger was walking away when he's Wack Wack Wack because I couldn't talk as fast and and so and I would slam doors and I would walk out of the house and and rev up the engine and screen yo and make sure he heard it and then screech out of the driveway and be gone for hours in row through the yard yeah and thank you binky that's something he's gonna come out and try to find me and so you know I started realizing this knot is not working for me I'm not getting results from this kind of a carries family and I went into panic attacks being around her family because they they were so honest and yelled at each other and then they were fine yeah in my field and then you used act like nothing here in my family we just didn't make eye contact for there for days so yeah I mean that's the way honestly didn't know that I would be walking away the reason I had to leave is because he would clam up after he gave me his what I should be doing thing and so he would clam up and not talk anymore a be like so mad is like we're not finished here so thank you Tim for bringing all this bag I just want everybody to know that we're normal and so and so I started seeing that this thing in me I didn't like I hated the way I I would be reading the Bible and I see this the scriptures were I supposed to be so quiet and submissive and gentle and kind and I really wanted to be those things because I really wanted to please the Lord and it was so far away from me when I get around him it's like I can't be kind and gentle around you I'm sorry not you now well it's really just true I mean I drove her crazy I really did so but as the Lord started healing me and I really wanted it to be you know the kind of wife that I knew that it would you know please the Lord as well as please Jimmy it was really the healing that he brought into our lives and I was thinking this morning when I was having a quiet time that you know I think that one of the things that I would I just want to say so loudly is y'all we can't take any more chances with our lives so he's it's time to really wake up and realize this we're living in a time is you can't you don't get to take chances anymore it's time to really wake up and realize that we're living in a day and a time where people say you're okay just the way you are and you can get away with this and you don't have to act a certain way you can just be whoever you want to be it's such a lie from the pit of hell because we are sinners and we're all messed up and you know the word that the Lord gave me this morning says say healing say being healed and it was that that was the number one thing that I realized my own life is I had to get healed I was saved I had a savior I knew salvation I knew that I was loved by Jesus Christ even though I didn't believe it and I didn't and but I was a mess and I needed to be healed and you know that's the thing that I think that we've gotta stress to each other we need accountability with other people to say how are you doing you know I love you and you're really not okay and we need to get fixed and it's the same way with our partnership is in marriage is you know we're both in a process of being healed and it's taken me a long time and I've known the Lord for 47 years and but it's been such a process a bit I look back now I wouldn't trade any of it for what I've been through and we've suffered we've had a lot of pain and we've gone through a lot of stuff not only as a couple as a family in ministries we've been betrayed we've been talked about we've been lied about you know we've had our own personal issues that have been horrific where I was crying my eyes out driving down the street when we were married in our 20s and crying out to God if you're not going to change him either kill me or change me I mean that's how desperate we were so we know what it feels to be desperate and to be like you're a thing there's no hope and but you know today I'm just telling you if you will press into God and get around people who had the same lifestyle as what the Bible says you will make it in your marriage I mean it's you will I'm just saying you will and so anyway this far I'm sorry well the thing I like and what then is so neat to be able to see people all come together it admit we need help in our marriages because we first got married no one talked about marriage and we didn't know where to go to talk about it but we are just like Karen said we're in process you know we've been in process for 40 years and to be able to just say I've got issues and I need an I need healing that's where healing begins you bring it out in the light and that's and so we're still in process but we're we're we're examples if we can do it anybody can do it we were a mess and but the Lord Jesus Christ is our testimony that's that's why we're here together and that's everything that's happened good in our marriage has happened because of Jesus and a good godly wife this is awesome yeah it's awesome that I wanted yeah that's great last night Jimmy you talked about you all going to separate ends of the house to have the quiet time and I see everything in pictures and so in context to marriage I thought about a boxing ring you know and you know went usually when you break to your corners you're getting some tips on how to knock the other person out and so you know get your jab back up stick and move you know and I get this I get this picture of you all going to your separate corners and allowing the Holy Spirit in the presence of God mm-hmm to not say here's how to defend yourself here's how to win you know here's how to here's how you can you know push the other person down but you're actually coming back into the middle of the ring after that right with more love in your hearts can you tell me what that looks like for you Karen and then Jimmy as well well Jimmy all says that you know I'm the one that was more spiritual progressive at the beginning of our marriage which is true but I had so much self hate that it was hard for me so um what happened with me is I would start getting you know more healed more healed with the Lord and we would come back together but but the one thing that I didn't realize is you have to be you have to allow maturity in your life you know it's one thing to go and read something in the Bible and try to apply it but it's not always going to work right away and so then you get discouraged you know I wasn't mature enough to handle some of the things that I really wanted to be and so I thought it was all up to me if I just try hard enough I just pray hard enough I'll be this gentle quiet kind loving person and so what happens if we don't see the results what we want from the other person because we think were acting so perfect we begin it sometimes it get into that spiritual pride and I can remember I'll never forget this one fight we had and he came home and he was he was being a pretty big jerk and so he came home and I thought well I'm just gonna be this loving kind wife like you know learning in the from my quiet times and so he comes home and I'm just being so sweet and so nice and smiling and he's right at me because he was he was mad at me about something he hadn't gotten over so he was just lying at me and getting me all that his lawyer did what it really sounds like Wow lot lawyer techniques call it lawyer technique I'm in the pen for the jury and or whatever I the person that's being prosecuted here so cute and he's like and he's over here going and then you did this and you can't deny this and it is like prosecutor okay so he was doing that huh I thought I'm gonna be the sweet wife this time and I'm not gonna react to what he's saying and then this is what I said honey had you ever read the the love chapter how love is patient and kind and he looked at me and he said don't you ever put that scripture in my face like that do you hear me I don't remember that no that didn't work man I remember a fight we had where no no I don't know no I'm all right no sickness no I said something really not nice and she was I and so she went in the other room and she was bringing lunch and she came into the room and put a little tray in my lap with luck I was watching TV or something with the sandwich on it I mean I just really been a jerk all day and she kissed me on the cheek and told me she loved me and she walked out the room I thought oh don't do that you know I mean fight me like a man don't you know I felt so terrible you know she was being so sweet and anyway but she really encouraged she treated me better than I deserved it's really one of the reasons that God broke through my heart was the Karen was standing up but she was doing it in a right way well let me talk about quiet time to spent seeing in my quiet time the morning that I told Karen to leave the house I read the scripture that said the Holy Spirit will lead you into all truth and and I I just thought that meant all truth you know I was really impressed by that scripture then I went that day and played golf naira then came home and Karen challenged me and I told her to get out of the house and so I went and sat down in the chair and I just thought well I'm you know our marriage is gone and Karen's about to leave me and I remember that scripture and and I said Holy Spirit Jesus said that you would lead me into all truth I don't know how to be a husband I want you to teach me how and that's when this is like scales fell off my eyes and that's really that's the first time I knew it was a jerk I thought it was mr. wonderful five minutes earlier and I thought I just you know you know Karen was the problem and the importance of having a quiet time is that's when God fixes you that's that's when you read the Bible and just just that time you spend with the Lord that time I spent with the Lord that morning saved our marriage because when I asked the Holy Spirit to teach me how to be a husband everything I teach is what he taught me you know he litter I'm in here owes these expert on it so you know your time with the Lord is just so absolutely essential absolutely so so there is a deep reservoir of patience that you have that you can't had to develop it I know it but but it was even yeah I really had to develop British King can you encourage a spouse out there maybe the husband and maybe the wife when there is a prolonged season where you're not seeing a breakthrough you're not seeing well I was an example of that so yes a good question and because I remember you know reading all the books you know we were going to go to Bible studies and the first book I ever got that really helped me my marriage was one that some of y'all might remember this I think her name was Elliot and she wrote a book on how to pray for your husband and it was such a powerful thought of I don't have to get him to change I can ask God to do this and so I remember getting that book and just praying and praying praying and and I would see little tiny changes but overall I mean it took a long time you know it took a long time for and even after there were times in our marriage men when we first started the marriage ministry I thought I'm not getting on that TV show with you you're the devil today so it's like you know you're constantly in a battle it's sorry I mean and so he remembers he's it you know and so I mean but we're always in a battle and so you know you're saying you know for those that are just like going on and on and on you know the one thing that helped me the most is to keep my focus away from what I didn't like about him and keep going back to God and saying please change me you know and my number one the first prayer in the first song I ever read that made me start having a quiet time the first time the first first place was in Psalms 51 where it says create me a clean heart O Lord and I could so identify with that and even though I didn't have the immorality that he had I knew I had a simple heart I knew it wasn't good and so I would pray that prayer and it's the same thing with any of us that are married they were waiting you know take your eyes off your spouse and start letting the Lord deal with what's in your heart and I always I hate I know I know women some women anyway don't like the scriptures of the submission but even right before the submission in Peter 2nd Peter it talks about how Christ suffered and if we're going to be in Christ we're going to suffer and he had to suffer a lot more than we've ever thought about suffering and so you know sometimes we have to have those perspectives if it's really not it could be worse and of course Jimmy and I both say you're not supposed to be in abusive situation you know we don't condone anything that where you're in abusive situation that you're supposed to endure that you know you need to get help outside of your marriage you know go to someone go to Talk someone one of the things that also just came to me I want to say that I think really helped our marriage stay okay is I did not let him get away with stuff I mean you know I know wives that go years and years and years and never say anything to anybody about what they know was wrong in their marriage because they're scared to say anything and I just didn't let that happen it's like you know call the Sunday school teacher I did I took all the social teacher on the organisation I was being a bad boy I came home and she my bags were packed and I call the Sunday school teacher and I said I'm out of here I said I won't divorcing but I'm done and they said no to stay so you say so I mean I was I've been that way you know and I even even you know we have an eldership to overseas him and if I'm if we're struggling or something I'm saying I'm calling the elders and just letting them give us the the answer because you know there's some things that you just have to go outside of yourself and make sure that you each other stays accountable to what is right yeah I agree I completely agree well the in our marriage Karen has done the honesty that she was talking about that our friendship developed around one of the things that we did right was the honesty part and we fought a lot but we never hid things Karen never hid things I didn't hide things and I think that when you don't say anything when you let in you in you're not honest I think everything bad happens in the darkness and everything good happens in the lights when we hold things in that's where the devil works and so the the virtue in Karen has been very good about this but and again her family was different than my family in that she was trained in an atmosphere of even if it was wrong we're going to tell the truth about how we feel so I think that's real power well I want to appreciate both of you all for being a hot couple you are and let me explain did you say I not there's an acronym that I have hoc there's this acronym that I use h.o.t honest open transparent well our daily car thank you thank you you all really you

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Length: 22min 0sec (1320 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 21 2015