The Blackman's Guide To Understanding The Black Woman (1991) | Shahrazad Ali

this is a message for every black man in America i Salam alaikum my name is Sher Asad Ali and I am the author of the black man's guide to understanding the black woman I would like to welcome you to the black man's guide on tour video I have produced this video so that black people all over the country could sit back in the privacy of their own homes and find out what it is that I have been trying to say what my message actually consists of without the interruption of television talk shows radio interviews and newspaper book reviews I would like you to try to be objective try to hear what I'm trying to say and enjoy it I want you to find out about the lecture the controversy the truth and the excitement of the black man's guide to understanding the black woman look at me I'm the black man me and my woman are lost travelling in a strange land on having it hard and my future looks bland and no I don't expect you to understand I'm doing bad for all to see but all this universe belongs to me and I plan to get on the right track as soon as I get my woman back [Music] [Music] but the point is is that this sister has really hit home I mean she has hit a grand slam and for my own personal self I can say that since I've read this book and operated three times in two days okay so you know I was doing some reading and I'm gonna help Evelyn would speed read either okay but the thing about it is made me so strong that even with that like that like they say sauce check the shields are all there's a part in the book that got me stirred up it is the part of socializing with the wife okay now listen listen listen let's hit a home run here okay when you go out with a black woman you are supposed to take her to the water club - what's that Tavern on the Green okay spent two three four hundred dollars so she can say health care he took me this paid heed to me that day I really liked him but you know he just took me had I had the time Barry all right yeah when she goes out with the white guy the white down saying look they've had gotten to find out if they have to take you to is McDonald's and the first thing she'll say oh he's a struggling artist I can understand that well for this you have struggling artists to I'm a struggling artists okay pitov you take you to the bottom let me tell you like like like like the dice man [Applause] I'm 35 years old now and I don't have time to [ __ ] okay I'm a single man out there I'm good man okay I'm gonna get man I got no time for no concrete [ __ ] talk about [Applause] today I said look I want to see the brothers up at the black man his name i [Applause] back confirmed everything that I've always known I don't have any argument with the type of sister who's described in this book after analyzing her nature deeply I have come to realize that she is the woman who is described in this book is evolutionarily superior to any of a black woman who has never been created in America thus far and this is why the black woman America has a secret agenda that the black man is not even aware of all right her experience in slavery has produced a creature that has yet to be produced because of what she went through being kidnapped from her children in Africa her father her mother of people great chain strip naked bought and sold watching her people her baby snatched from her soul from plantation to plantation in many instances branded in many instances forced to have sex with big white roots when she was only nine and ten years old has evolutionarily produced an individual that has never existed on earth before she has made a pact with herself that never again will this happen and in her designing and planning and scheming through 400 years of suffering under white people she has developed a system to destroy this country that is so sophisticated that the black man can't even see it that's well as the shade thank God Almighty for this sister for writing this book for the simple reason she did depression I die for the book is this she did not say this all black woman's fault you know you got a lot of black in so many black women be hurt by this book be so enraged over it and there's no truth in it you know if there's no truth why are you so enraged if you're not in it you don't know nobody in it what's it what's all the excitement if you write me a book I said hey I saw a man with four heads walking down the street you know you know but nephew if it's the truth and it's touching you and maybe it's uncovering you amalias giving your old man a chance to peep at you then maybe you want to close that mouths like you know seemed like to me the one who's complaining are the most out of control women I've ever seen and they say they're not out of control you watch about to watch a detective sister I mean someone was sitting there if they wouldn't sit right next to her like you know where are all Greenwoods war like they ready like somebody set him up there at the jump on the sister baby you know now why would you do things like that if it's not true you you showing you out of control you sure you just like she described from page one the ones like that's from page one you know I don't discuss my personal life a lot because of this project is so controversial and I know that people are looking for ways to try to criticize me because they think that uh as a result of writing the black man's guide to understanding black women that uh I'm trying to set myself up as being the perfect model and that I'm telling everyone you know well I have it all straightened out you should listen to me I wouldn't have any reason to come out here and go through this kind of abuse and I tack that I have to go through in order to try to reunite the black man and the black woman in America based on somebody else's appeal or suggestion anything else this is a painful process but the digestive process is threefold you have to first take take the medicine in you have to swallow it and let the nutrients go throughout the system and then you have to have elimination so we're in the process of eliminations and my lectures are a major success because we address those things we get that pain out and we deal with the fact that our man has been hurting certainly we are hurting and we're all in pain but we have to come back together on that issue and try to work it out I don't like the picture in the book it's an ugly picture but we have an ugly problem that we have been turned into as a result of living in white America many of us do not have knowledge or information and education that can benefit the larger community what I'm saying is that we have mixed up our priorities we cannot go outside the home and correct it until we correct the problems we have inside the home so our being out of control is that we have refused to allow and accept the black man to give us any direction on anything we're doing just like the black man's failure and its impotence to function in this society that's not innate this is something that has been bred into us since we have come to this country what we need to do now is to recognize you know where we are and for us sisters not to fight me if you are not guilty of the things that I charge in my book I need you to get on my side and they help me raise these other circles that message remains the same and it's a problem that we need to solve and I don't back down off of the truth a family is like a nation and in every nation you must have one head of the government that the rest of the people in that nation cooperate with in order to be successful and if not you have anarchy and that's what we have now in our black homes because the man has been a displaced and we have devalued the importance of the black land in the home in order to save the black family it can't be done with just black women and us being pumped up to think that we are the strongest so we are strong the black man's guide to understanding the black woman the number one bestseller of 1990 is the most talked about the most popular and the most written about book black America has ever seen newspapers across the country had a field day every editor every publication and every writer eagerly sunk their teeth into the media's topic they had ever encountered personal relationship problems of black men and black women the black man's guide is discussed from the pulpit debated in seminars examined in college and argued about on street corners never in african-american history has a document surfaced that forces every black person to look outward and inward reactions run the gamut from praise and gratitude to hostility and outrage the educated bulk at its lack of scholarship and standard documentation while the general masses of the people say they are grateful for its straight talk and uncomplicated descriptions of what slavery has done to black women in America whatever the reaction whatever the opinion it is clear to every Negro black or african-american that Shahrazad alley is the black man's new champion this woman is on a mission her strengths are guts and her unstoppable energy to single-handedly defend and uplift black men has never been witnessed before on this continent black men report that the book has reenergized them to become better husbands and fathers and has given them a new sense of Worth and brotherhood with each other [Music] let's meet the little tornado who started it all my brothers and sisters let us welcome sister Shahrazad Ali [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] good afternoon my son Latham I'd like to certainly thank dr. Johnson and the National Association of conscious black women for having the courage to invite me here I think that most of you have heard read or seen something about my book around the country I've been on a national tour for 12 months and I'm doing the lecture tour to reach a lot of our people who perhaps got the wrong understanding from television television shows are designed in a certain way by the producers of those shows to exploit whatever the idea is that's being presented so as to get high ratings and so they have time heading back against the wall and so I'm doing the lecture tour so that I could go around and perhaps give our people a little relief because so many things have been taken out of context and it has create a lot of confusion my position is that the black woman's disrespect and rebellion against the leadership and the authority of the black man is the direct cause of the breakdown in our black family structure now of course there are many black people who consider those fighting words because as black women we have never been subject to the kind of examination that our men have been subject to since we have been here we have been somewhat protected and shielded from any kind of critiquing about our personal behavior whereas our men have always been up for examination the book is not an attack on black women I have never said that all black women do everything that I listed in my book none of us have lived long enough to do everything that I listed but most of us do some of the things that I've listed in my book and I do say that it is not because of generalizations that we are all victimized by some of the negative patterns of behavior in the book but the book just represents our collective contribution this is some of everything that we have done or that we do daily that contribute to the breakup of our relationship the destruction of our man and the failure of our children to be able to function they did not tell us that all of that of being my own person and I'm independent would lead to separation loneliness celibacy and lesbianism they then tell us that if you give up the man you're gonna take one of these things and it's worse and it will destroy your nation they didn't give us that information they made us think that it was some kind of glorified position to brag about the fact that I got my own job my own credit card in my own car so I don't need no man I don't even know how we got that mixed up ain't nothing I'm gonna do it to have a beer with no man you know we have some serious relationship problems that a nobody has been able to address us on because everybody wants to pretend that this is not going on you know over 60% of my women are single widows separated on divorce they don't have a minute I just came out of Florida and they got a housing complex that the Urban League built which is a black organization that is for women and children only they don't they say they don't allow any men in there but I've talked about them real bad that's the silliest program I've ever heard of you know no women I had man if they got a bunch of children they need fathers they need protection we hear about the drug problem that we have in our projects across the country it's one of the major places that we have a drug problem you know we talk about the great strengths that we have as black women well the welfare department don't rate government apartments to single black men those apartments belong to black women who are allowing this to go on in their home we have not looked at what part of the responsibility do we share yes black can't sell a lot of drugs and a lot of black women get the money from drugs and by somebody's fascicles we will drive - somebody's fancy cars he is not doing these things alone and without support from us rather they are good our baby see we have a lot of power we are very strong women I'm saying we're using our strengths in the wrong direction we're using it to tear a man down tear our nation down instead of building it up having an education and a job is not does not necessarily mean you have a successful life I keep telling black women that to raise a child they say well I provided with food clothing and shelter that's why raising a child that's maintaining one to raise a child you need a parental coalition of a man and a woman we have sons who are by not having a father in home they don't know how to respect women they take on the black feminine female emotion ISM emotionalism they become [ __ ] the doubtful very decisive they can't make a decision they don't know what to do about being a man but we can't teach them that we don't have that knowledge we have daughters who grew up in a home where they don't see any affection where there's no man there they go out into the world I try to me they don't have no idea how to be no woman to no man how to make a function in a house with a man cuz they haven't seen it most of our children just like us get all the information we have about how you be with a mate of television it's the only medium this shows us anybody being together those rules have not worked for us the white women's liberation movement we don't have anything to do with that we have not been under the control of the black man over 500 years so what do we have to get liberated from inform her they haven't been eyeballs that's the white woman in hub man they're going through that and that's their business we don't have any business being in there they only introduced it to break down the civil rights movement civil rights movement started with the black man the black woman and a black child standing together trying to plead for a freedom justice and equality and more benefits in the country that they that have been they through the white woman in there with the women's liberation movement and made it a woman against man thing that created a big separation between black men and black women because then everybody start going for self then they bring the welfare system in and tell us in order to feed and clothe and house our children we have to give up I mean yet to put de man out of the house when the white farm wife goes to the government for subsidy for the farm they don't tell her to get rid of the farmer they keep that family together but in the black community they make it a requirement because they want to keep endorsing it to the black community that the black man is no good and that he is not deserving of respect he is not deserving of us letting him give us any protection our instruction and that we are better than them the major responsibilities that the black woman has had on the earth for the over the trillions of years that we have been here has been one of nutrition and birthing children those two things have a great deal to do with the survival of any people reproduction at a nation and feed men the proper food so that they can live those are very important jobs those are very powerful positions as it puts us in a position to decide who's gonna ever die and how slowly going down by will Rafi don't we have a very powerful position that's that's not a small role that we play we have just been taught to misrepresent and misuse that power that the people who we have been counting on to give us the truth about how you get along have failed the white people don't know how to get along they don't have that information except they don't get along with nobody on earth so they have no information impart to us about how we supposed to get along they changed their relationship rules at will we have you know tons of black children around this country that I hear from who will have grown up traumatized by the fact that they were referred to as the outside child you know when we were having children like that they called it illegitimate children I tell a white woman start having him and as single parenting they changed the rules according to what they're doing so I've called all have people to change them depending on what we want to do what our needs are there's another need that has not been addressed in our community no because nobody will deal with it and that's one that God did not create three sexes we only have men and women now I have not said that we should reject the sisters who try and act like men and the men who try and act like women I'm not saying to reject them from among us but they need to be told we don't have to accept that as some kind of normalcy because that's not normal but because latter white people are practicing that you know when we've been doing it we will talk some [ __ ] now that they doing it less and alternative lifestyle they have set rules that they have forced us to follow that they don't even follow themselves they changed the rules to suit them and they get ready we can change them to suit us when we get ready especially if we have what we have now which is a failing system it hasn't worked for us we don't have to be ashamed that it hasn't worked for us but we do have to be ashamed of the fact that we keep plodding behind it and not trying to make the corrections that will help our people to survive [Music] so don't have any idea what it can be like bus 15-20 mins like a walk [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] and yes I have charged that our educational class has failed us they have not represented our leads all they got was a job I gave them 30 years to present us with a program a national project an agenda that we could work on to improve our homes and it never did arrive the only thing they gave us was a welfare program and we know that that failed the reason that I wrote the book certainly which is a classic question that I'm asked all over the country I wrote the book because we represents the missing link as black women the black man has been dissected examined the white man the white woman in the black town but it has been us as black women who have never been examined we have been protected we have been insulated we have been kept from any kind of criticism about our personal behavior in the whole man outside of the home and we have been given the false compliment that we are the backbone of the black nation there is no doubt in any community in this country that the men and those communities are the backbone of their Nations there is no doubt in the white community that the white man is the backbone of his nation the European the Buddhist the Koran the Japanese the Hispanic all of those men are the backbones of their community and there's no doubt about it it is only in the black community where those values have been transposed and where they put that burden on us and tell us that we are the backbone of the black community which is a direct insult to the black man and implies that he don't have no backbone and that his women have to represent him it's a heavy burden is one we are tired of carrying and it is one that is not true I remind people all the time that God did not make the white man the white woman the black woman and then the black man he made the black man first and he created all the rest of people after when I wrote my first book back in 1985 I was going about the country trying to still work to teach our people something trying to get them to stop eating pork and at that time I was having what I call get off those old lectures and I would take the microscope out and I would show black people how even if you cook pork you couldn't kill the worm I would show them that the worm was still alive in the meat after heat because that's what they told us that you could cook it and kill the worm and so I would show him what it did to the brain and the spinal column and so there were many black men who wanted to stop eating pork they wanted to change their diets and they were in agreement but it was the black woman who I found who was the most adamant who refused to change of cooking heavens who didn't want to shop differently who didn't want to do any different meal planning and so I say well now if we are refusing to provide the black man with the proper physical food when we know food is what sustains life then what else are we keeping from him what else are we doing to destroy our men to destroy our families because we don't know any better because we're too lazy or because nobody has ever called on us to repent and so then that led me to the study and so as I was going along initially I was keeping up with names and addresses and all of those things for that so-called research that they talked about and then I found out that we didn't have a control group there was not one set of Negroes that I could point at and say well these particularly Negroes over here didn't suffer from the psychological trauma of slavery so we don't have to deal with that I found out that all of us had the same problems and that we were not as different as we think we are we are all doing the same things we're all practicing the same patterns on behavior a pattern is something that people follow because they think it's the right way to go we have been doing it and approving that behavior between each other because we think well this is just how do it we have not represented our own ideas we have not had anyone to represent our own ideas to us the only place we have learned about how to be a woman our man is to be a man is on television we haven't had that kind of a chance to study ourselves the white woman has been the only woman we have had an opportunity to study every day of our life on television and every magazine we ever picked up and every newspaper on every radio she's been the only model we have had and if we think that that's not important then we need to you know look at that again we have studied that and we have made up and came up with requirements and the white people are set for us for our man and if he cannot come up to those requirements then we have decided that he is impotent and I live it to be our man because he's disqualified because he does not qualify by the standards that the white people have set up we think a good successful relationship is one where everything goes our way the first time it starts going our way then we got a serious problem we want our man to do everything we tell him to do but we don't want to do anything he tells us to do [Music] yeah it's hard language and all of our so-called educated class together have never come up with an agenda that brought the people together to try to improve their condition like the black man's guy not a one of them have ever had a program that got all at a black paper talking got all of them out made everybody decide to make a comment whether they wanted to or not people are compelled to testify all over the country I can walk the street see we've never been examined as I said in the breakdown of every relationship each party in the relationship shares one-half the responsibility that's 50% of the responsibility so yes the black man is 50% responsible for the breakdown of our relationships and we are the other 50% half responsible for the breakdown of our relationships and I asked black women if you do not want to accept 50% of the responsibility what percentage do you accept and how does that behavior manifest and I guarantee you it's already in my book because this list of things that we do we've just never seen it in print we've never had it out front we've never been busted but now we have the Equality we've been crying for they're busted and so are we I teach the slavery tampered with nature when I say that slavery tampered with nature I mean that a major rite of passage for every male mammal is to provide and protect for a female and her young now certainly we know that the black man has been denied that opportunity he has not been allowed to qualify to protect his woman or provide from them for them they have told us that the only provision that the black man is qualified to give us is one of money and we have made finance the major focus of our relationships with them we have made the one thing that most of them don't even have be the criteria we have been taught that if they do not give us money that we are not to even allow them to be a father to their child we have been taught that if he does not give us money then he is not qualified to tell us what to do we have been taught that if he does not give us money that he doesn't have any rights in the home is whoever is making the money who has rights that's not our system the black man provides more in a black home than just financial support he provides Direction guidance gratification fulfillment and discipline for our children those other principles that are missing in our home today which is why our children are savage in the streets we see those children out there sometimes acting wild and uncivilized and disrespectful because they don't respect anyone because we didn't teach them in a respect we didn't know how and a lot of times we look at them and we say yeah they're out there doing this and we act like that they drop down out of the sky but those aren't true then we burp them up out moon they belong to us and we are responsible for them and for every child that's out there out of control disrespectful ignorant and uneducated they have a black mother somewhere who failed to do her job and a black father and family do his it is not the responsibility it is not the responsibility of the American government to raise our children it is not the responsibility of the American government to support our women and it certainly is not the responsibility of the American government to hold our man down this book is to allow us to have a new chance to start all over and say yes this is what has happened I didn't make myself like this we don't get anything from ourselves we pick it all up externally and as we have picked up these bad habits we can you know decide that we are not going to do them see what has happened is that we have been turned sisters into kind of like Frankenstein I think everybody remembers the Frankenstein monster he had somebody's arms somebody's legs he even had somebody else's brain inside of his skull oh he was functional but he was not himself and so yes we are functional we have been taught that having a good job means that we are our total success we have been taught that the solution of all the problems are the black people in America is to get a job with the white people that's just not the truth and that's certainly not saying that it is not important for us to have money for food clothing and shelter and it's not saying that we as black women are not strong I'm here today to represent some of that monumental strength we say we have [Music] but this does not mean that we are not strong we don't have to put our man down in order to be strong I'm just saying that we have used our strength in the wrong direction we've been using it against our man instead of foreign if we use the kind of strength and influence that we have in the society to support the black man won't anybody be able to come against him but every man is judged by his woman and if this woman say he ain't nothing then the whole world believes he ain't nothing the action fact is every man himself judge him his own set by his woman he can be out in the world being great in the whole world can be kneeling to him and if he come home and she said you ain't nothing you ain't been nothing then that's what he believes and yes we have insulted our man in front of our children it wasn't intentional we just been frustrated we couldn't make you brothers do what we want you to do we didn't have anybody else to tell sometime so we've been saying over to children he ain't no good he make me sick he's stupid if he loved you he would be here with you when every man in here know that his relationship with his children is predicated on his relationship with their mother and if they're not getting along with us they're not going to spend any time with the children that's just how that is I've talked to brothers around this country and I have testimonies and tons of men letters from brothers who write and tell me that my book made them to decide to try to be a man again and try to have a woman and if you think that's not an important work I got black men who write me and say you haven't made me decide not to have another white woman I'm gonna try to get back with the sisters and try them one more time [Applause] [Music] see you know nobody is going to give us this information they have us standing around some time and pointing that brothers are saying yeah that's them over that ain't no good they doing this and that the other and it's all negatives and they have us thinking that the black man is gonna die we're gonna live on but that's not how it's going to go there is still one monolith in the black community that's and it still takes a man and a woman to make a baby so if the black man dies we all die and I don't want to die I want to live I want my children and my grandchildren and whatever else is coming after Sarah's out I want that to live but we are not on the path of like we don't a path of destruction you know learning how to to get along it has to be taught by force slavery was taught by force we didn't volunteer for that they made us do that they forced us to do that and that's how we're going to have to learn how to reunify it's gonna have to be done by force we can't have to make ourselves try to deal with each other and that's very difficult and it certainly takes a great deal of self-control and love for your nation at large it's the greatest form of unselfishness now I don't go around advocating that people that hate each other stay together that's not what I'm saying that's different we can't solve a problem or get to the solution about a problem that we refuse to acknowledge that we have we don't have to be ashamed that we have a problem we don't have to be ashamed to know that it is related to slavery because all of our problems are related to slavery and I know that that seems to be small had issue and everybody want me to stop talking about that nobody would tell the Japanese woman just forget about the fact that during World War 2 the white man and turned her family took all of their personal possessions nobody would tell her to forget about that nobody would tell the Indian woman forget about the fact that the white man came over here took your country and put you and your babies out on the reservation and nobody went there to tell the Jewish woman to forget about the Holocaust so why I gotta forget about sleep [Applause] [Applause] see the Japanese in Indian and Jewish woman got behind their men and they had some very terrible histories also but because they got behind their man and supported them and worked with them those people are successful today they own property they have businesses they've got great land here and abroad you know they have stocks bonds whatever America has to offer their own part of that they're in a position to make decisions because they have some ownership Sallah been the black man and the black woman who didn't reunite after a terrible time and so today we are splintered we don't have very much we practice envy and jealousy you know they taught us a lot of bad habits that we practice against each other if we practice everything we practice against each other against white man they'd have been killed out of alert most of that stuff we reserved for our own kin and that's wrong we have had that rumor that we are in the backbone of the black nation because it has served to make us think we were better than the black man we have walked around and wore that as some kind of a sacred garment and our men have had to struggle up under the already preconceived notion that they wasn't no good we have always heard that the black man leaves us he walks out on us he don't love his children he won't take care of his family he beat his women he'd do a lot of harmful things this book goes back to try to examine what are some of the possible contributing causes what happened before he left what happened something happened a black man is just not bad by Nature the brothers loved their children as much as any other man every man loved his baby they keep one to tell us that our man don't even love his children he's not a mother though he's a father he's not gonna have the same kind of connection to the cub that we have we can't expect that we keep wanting the man to act like a woman he can't act like a woman praise be to our life I [Applause] wrote the book so that the brothers would understand what's going on because most of what we charge them with is that he can't quote handle us he can't handle me they haven't know what they were handling they didn't have that information the book is really a book that puts the black man on point because the tales in what he has allowed to happen to his woman and his children and he could never again say he didn't know what was going on because I have told him see it's never been an issue about whether or not the book is true or not brother the issue is Bill that I was not supposed to tell but that's the missing information that was willing to come out here and go through whatever was gonna be required if they was gonna reunite some of our people if we can get one or two black families in every town to start functioning differently to make a better man and a better woman then this campaign is worth it it's worth if I entire nation I didn't just donate money tomorrow for college school because this is my hometown all because I wanted to put it in my mother's name but we must have our own black students to educate our own children [Applause] [Music] we have to educate our children if it's in a closet I would rather support them have my own can trying to teach my own can then sending them out down to the white people school let them tell them all kind of nonsense that they want to it's a very serious situation let us take a look at what we as black women have produced while we were allegedly back boning the black nation one in every four black males between the age of 20 and 29 is in prison on parole been arrested I had some bump with the law over 50% of our prison population is black male growing in female we have more black men in prison than in college six out of every ten black men between ages of 15 and 44 are unemployed in jail got some disease homosexual on drugs seventy-three percent of all the black men in prison were raised by a single black woman in a home with no man 80% of that 73 percent suffered child abuse in the home victimized by the mother one third of our children drop out of school before they graduate over 60% of our households are headed by black women who are a single divorced separated a widower yeah we got a serious problem and only God knows how many of our black babies we have killed through abortion I don't think that's something the black I think there's something the black man will never understand that we kill that life in our womb because we decide we don't feel like taking care of it it's too much of a hassle we change our man about how we feel about the man so we have been in a very very powerful position we can make heaven or hell for the man and we can decide who's gonna live and die that is a great woman I agree but we are in a very prestigious position we are the wives of man who was the first man and God chose to be on the earth that's a very great position the most value and the strongest man on earth that everybody's trying to use for something he's the most durable he's the most persistent he's the most determined black man is not wrong because he does not do what white America wants him to do and he's not wrong because he don't do what we want him to do we don't know everything to do ourselves we learning a lot of what we think that we're supposed to do through recommendation and chance passing information among each other sharing secrets that will help us to trick him and keep him confused we do things in front of his face and we have learned how to convince him that he didn't even see that happen [Applause] just serious situations this is the first platform black man is up head to air his grievances about the black woman because nobody would ever listen to him they listen to us we have had many complaints many of them may be true but they have complaints against us too they've just been too cool to deal with it like that and then God sent sister serozha I say we're gonna deal with it now history can't be complete without dealing with it you cannot let the history live and die and record that we were all right and they were all wrong because that's just not the way it is we are good people but we are both going to be a good people and I hear you know women around the country tell me say well you have insulted black womanhood and now anybody from any foreign country or anybody who picks your book up is gonna think that all black women are like that that's impossible everything I listed in the book is visual and audible you can see it or you can hear it so if you don't see it or hear it it ain't that but if you see it in here at which you will if it's present so there's no danger that somebody's going to look at one of us and think we are doing the things that I described in the book as you can see if somebody's doing that or not that's that's not difficult to be able to read a person on that the book certainly does not give the black man any rights over us in a certain kind of a way cuz no man can begin to try to get us together until he look at his self in the book [Music] see we represent problem number two they already know who problem number one is now I know that many of us have heard a lot about allegedly as I said about how much money I'm supposed to be making I have to mention that because that's what they mentioned and all of the newspapers around the country is the weirdest thing I ever heard of one article in emerge magazine before I left day before yesterday I come out of bus and I went back to Philadelphia and somebody attacks me a copy of an article out of a emerged magazine and the magazine said that they were still getting letters about my book but that they had decided not to print anything else about it because they had decided that my book had made enough money so I called editors up I say I told my second I said get him on telephone so I asked him I said that was a very ridiculous and ignorant or a lark to make brother since you don't know what the book sells for or humming I've sold any of that I say plus why don't some of you black people get together go tell IBM and I did this and Nike and Reebok [Applause] those on the people robbing happy the gang that kills me rocks they made enough money and see what they say I have security mostly not because of black women we ain't gonna do number first you know I have security because the black men the book puts the black man on point they get hysterical they go into denial they jump to seat charge down the house you'd be surprised so it's not the black woman that this book is upset because many of our black men don't want to take responsibility for their families many of them not just because of financial reasons many of them have accepted so much of the hype in the media's that they they don't know what it would be like to be in charge they got gout they have fear they are afraid that they will fail we're all afraid of failure the major tool that was used against us during slavery was the implication of fear we have to get past that fear I men have to stop being scared to say yes I'm the head of the house they need to know that every woman want to know her limitations with her man any woman that can do a man any kind of way and half her way with him and say anything she want to him she don't want him in a minute [Applause] we have to know what the black line is I had a did an interview the other day from a newspaper out of Baltimore anyway so they had brought down the camera crew was tougher so they were trying to interview me so of course they got on that favorite part of the book you know that everybody with and so uh he asked me had a I haven't been slapped in the mouth so so I told him I say well this book is not autobiography first of all I said that enough secondly I said I don't get that far out of control I say since best how its described it's very easy to keep that from happening just don't do that so I said I'm gonna do that I don't talk like that I could tell by his tone of voice understand the stuff don't the most amazing thing the amazing thing to me is how people go around the country trying to pretend and we ain't [Applause] but uh as I said this book demonstrates that that we are not as different as we like to think that we are so what I'm going to go over real brief right now is what the attributes are of the good black woman since she's not on television we may not recognize her okay now the good black woman has seven attributes and then I'm going to explain to you how to utilize those in your day-to-day life the good black woman has self-discipline courteousness cheerfulness self-respect intelligence cleanliness and love now we've heard those that terminology you know it's like one of those where they tell you pull yourself up by your bootstraps what do that mean you know how can I make that functional and my date that they like to benefit me as a practice it sounds like all theory where is the practicum what do I do the good black woman has self discipline that's self-control let me make that real for you sisters we can start with our mouth a good black woman can control her mouth she don't have to say everything that comes up it's okay if he get the last word sometime no she don't cuss in purple and she works on that cussing in private she don't tear a man down with a mouth because they cannot argue us can't nobody out argue us I have charged that we make our men too much we keep our man's head tattered so much when our petty grievances about our personal relationship that he don't have time to think and plan for our future because he got to deal with what's gonna happen with us every day you notice its realized when the black man come home he almost had to do a wind test or stick his toe in and though he don't know what we know who it females possibility there's some kind of new monster they didn't even nobody so you know we need to not make it like that we need to not be so vicious with our mouths the men and I pitted like that they're not gonna argue us and it has been proven that verbal abuse is just as harmful as physical abuse so let's not use our mouth to do that to him the good black woman is courteous she says thank you baby I appreciate you doing that I appreciate every effort you make try harder I'm gonna work with you thank you I know you did your best now that's a whole new language but just to say that during the course of the day every day with the man that you're trying to be with I want to be with will make our life easier we can't get it if we don't give it we keep wanting them to give us and do something fuss that we refuse to do and give to them it don't work like that the good black woman has self-respect she don't have to go out and make it just to get the attention of a [Applause] [Music] I have sisters all over the country and they come up to me after the lectures and they'll be talking to me and they'll say well you know all he think about is sex all he think about is my body I say why don't you show him something else and then his they're really good they'll come up and they'll have long Oh a weave they have on false eyelashes another whole face false fingernails and all of that and then they say but I'm looking for a real man [Applause] what you want a real man book the good black woman can pull a dress down without thinking that it devalues her she doesn't have to use her body because she has so many other good attributes about herself to get the attention of a man we can take the sisters the sisters in a position to take all of the charge and sexual energy out of the black community by just dressing differently we have the power control over there that don't stop you from being beautiful that don't stop you from getting a man and it certainly puts things on the right perspective so some other judgments can be made other than physical don't take no knowledge wisdom and understanding and have a sexual reaction that's the most base we spend less time doing that than anything else we do so you know that doesn't always have to be the forefront issue we know we are capable of that the good black woman has intelligence meaning that she knows how to behave properly in the streets she's not in the wrong place some of my women don't know what else to do other than go to the bar they need some activities some of my women thinking of staying home on the weekend is some kind of sin some of our women think that if they don't have a new outfit to wear every day that they go self-destruct you know we have a mother just that kind of nonsense going every time we buy new outfits and clothes or whatever are we doing is sending money I communed do we don't all know clover store if the white man clothes the shoe factory we'd all be here barefooted tonight we don't want no shoe factories you know very base things that we don't own that we put our money into and demand we have to have them a lot of times I'm in look at us and know that he ain't never gonna be able to make enough money to give us all of the things we say we want and don't no man want to be with a woman who he constantly got to deny her the things that she says she want could I represent some value to him they haven't always you know not be able to provide us for what we asked for one of the ways we can do that is to start being satisfied with less you know the good black woman is clean now that's the hard one the good black woman try to keep the house bling good black woman is cleaned by her own body you love those things we kind of take for granted but all of our people don't know about that there are people who are angry with me because I even described the fact that some of us as sisters don't have the proper personal hygiene as if that don't exist we have too much falsehood and pretense going about our condition everybody just dressed up and clean you know that's the truth we have to look at our condition in the light of truth stop reacting emotionally and pretending that just because we don't want to did one of the most difficult things that I deal with out here is trying to teach our people the difference between an actual fact and an opinion our people think that they can accept or reject truth based on how they feel about it your feelings don't change the truth the truth is just don't be that you can feel any kind of way you want to feel about those are just those kind of emotions have kept us from growing because anything we don't like we just reject and say well I don't believe that that don't mean that it's not true it just make you a disbeliever the good black woman practices non possessive loving now y'all know that's the hard work now envy is warning what someone else has and jealousy of course is just selfishness non possessive loving is not an easy one for us to practice and of course I have a lot of sisters and some brothers who are in disagreement with me saying that but the actual fact is that our men are outnumbered about five to one and nature is going to require that the men take responsibility for more than one woman and her children most of our men have children by more than one woman anyway so I don't know why that was such a surprise allegedly when I said that the black man has not been waiting on me to tell him he could have more than one woman I'm in agreement with the rest of y'all I don't think he should do that but I feel like you did there are some things perhaps about the nature of our man that we have been given some definitions about that are not true there are some things he can do that we call him a doll we do not have the same capabilities as a man I am NOT talking about fornication and adultery that's something else I'm talking about actual responsibility of fatherhood and husband hood of another family that's quite different from fornication and adultery we don't have the same capabilities of them that's right a man can have two homes two sets or in loans he can eat dinner at two houses two sets of children two garages two separate sets of friends attached to that woman he can have all of that we can't do that we can't cook them in two houses we can't sleep with one man phone nights a week in another one three ain't no man gonna agree with that we can't have one set of children we leave in one place and go and stay in another place to take care of another set it doesn't work for us now that does not mean that we can't have sex with more than one man that's not what I'm talking about I'm talking about just taking responsibility for your children now sir mayor every man can't take financial responsibility for all of his children he can do something but a man who is spending time with the child is don't do something for it because then they'll find out what we have since we've been taking care of him by yourself you don't like to always say no I can't do it no I ain't got it so that the children will make you get it up you spent some time with it that that's an important thing the effectiveness of the principles that I just described their usefulness has not diminished just because modern opinion has changed about them there is not a black man in this room who does not still enjoy it if his woman baked him a cake while our young daughters are being raised and taught that that's old style and that's our fashion we are not making those rules somebody else is and they're imposing them on us and making us think that we have to qualify under them I tell the brothers just like I tell the sisters if you have a woman that you've been working with for months and years and you can't get that woman to get in agreement with your program then get rid of her and get another one and I tell the sisters the same thing if you with the man you can't agree with don't make his life miserable give what a man you can't agree with but we spend too much time living in hell with each other we spend too much time tearing each other down trying to make the other person do different a function different if you want somebody to change first change yourself we set the example we are the teacher we had a mother we set the example [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] is the show over absolutely [Music]

Channel: Reelblack One

Views: 536,491

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Id: b68ZiBvYkME

Length: 67min 19sec (4039 seconds)

Published: Wed Nov 20 2019