The BIG SIGNS You've Found THE ONE... (Find The Perfect Relationship) | Jay & Radhi Shetty

be around people that you're thinking about being with in an environment where they're just being themselves because chances are if you like them the way they are when they are with other people then you're likely to love them when they're with you too how did we meet okay so how did we meet do you want to tell the story no you do it no it's okay you can tell better okay i'll tell you okay okay so we the first time i actually met raleigh was before i became a monk and i met her very briefly i thought she was beautiful and and and attractive but i didn't really think anything of it like i just i genuinely just was so focused on what i was doing at life at that time and i was so spiritually inclined and spiritually focused that i i literally didn't think anything of it yeah and my mom introduced me to you yes so i should tell that story yeah so actually i met rodney's mom even before i met her yeah and so i was training to become a monk and i met radi's mom and i was asked to show her how to do a particular service at the temple so i had to take her around et cetera now the incredible thing about this is that that is the only time while i was there that i was ever asked to show another person how to do this service so the one day that i had to show someone how to do this particular service this voluntary service at the temple it was the one day that her mom turned up and at that time i didn't know she had a daughter i didn't know anything about this lady i was like oh she's around my mom's age yeah and and she was she was wonderful and and we got along but i was just showing her what to do and then literally didn't speak to her no and then my mom wanted me to get more involved in and i really wanted to get more involved in like the spiritual side of my life and so she met him and wanted me to get introduced to the youth community there and so she passed on my number to you but you passed on to your sister yeah absolutely yes i passed it on to my sister i was like no i need to stay focused do my thing and my sister's very spiritually inclined too big shout out to amy and and then yeah and then you guys got connected and you became friends yeah and actually at that point my mom had said to me oh you know i met this really nice really nice guy at the temple and she was like to me after i met him i prayed and i was like i hope my daughter meets somebody like this i know he's gonna be a monk but i hope she meets someone that's like this because he seems really nice um little did he know what was gonna happen gone and then um and then what happened he became a monk i heard you speak oh i heard him speak all the time because he used to do lots of um youth programs or university talks and sessions on philosophy meditation yeah philosophy meditation and i was just like oh my gosh he's such an incredible speaker and the way that he uh makes such incredible wisdom so relevant to us who were like young teenagers or yeah yeah not young you weren't a teenager i was a teenager i was still a teenager no you weren't lazy one thing you're going to realize about this i'm the one who remembers all the dates i'm like i'm the one who remembers it yeah i don't remember anything i barely remember things happened like two years ago um so no i wasn't a teenager i was out of university which feels like a long time ago so i was in my 20s and yeah i saw him speaking i just thought it was so incredible how he was able to articulate such yeah such deep wisdom in a way that was so relevant to people who were so young and and probably wouldn't have been so interested in reading a book about it and so i was in awe of him and he also looked really cool he had like a bold head he didn't look like the type of person who was going to be speaking about these things he had like tattoos and a bald head but then he was in robes and i said this is really really cool but weird at the same time it was so strange yeah and and then it was then when i left being a monk which is our story in itself we can talk about that another day when i when i left being a monk her and my sister were really really close yeah and me and my sister are really really close i trust my sister she's one of my best friends and i sat down with her one day and she said well you know what bradley likes someone and and i was just like oh who and i was thinking she was gonna say some other person's name and she's like she really likes you and i was like oh i i really like her like i'd love to get to know her better and we we'd interacted we'd had we'd got to know each other a bit better because we'd organize charity events together etc and so i'd seen her not in the role of being a girlfriend obviously or someone that i was dating i'd seen her interact with other people other other humans inside a project management organization organizing events so i'd seen her personality and like observed how she behaved around certain people how she had talked to people how she interacted with people and and based on all those things i thought she was a great person so when my sister told me that i was i was secretly quite happy as well and i always heard about him through his sister and his sister would talk about him with so much love and affection and he treats her like she's his baby no matter how old she gets she's literally like his baby and i used to see like conversations between them he's like oh my gosh he's so sweet like he's so sweet even though he's yeah he's gone off being a monk but he was still really really caring and loving towards towards his sister and his family and then yeah i told her that i liked him before before uh he knew about it or before you'd probably even thought about it yeah yeah yeah so then that was it really that's how we met we almost met before i became a monk when you had conversations yeah never had conversations never spoke but but i just seen each other in our own elements yeah and then when i left left being a monk uh you know later that year we we started going out so that was around the towards the end of 2013 and then it just went really fast we both we both kind of as soon as we spoke about it we both knew that we wanted to be with each other and we were really certain about it and it could have gone really wrong but we were like we could have both been really crazy um but it ended up just working out we both really had kind of understood each other just by observing one another i guess and um there were a few surprises i'm sure but um we yeah we got along straight away and we were both pretty much went from yeah i really like you too yeah i love you in like a day and then it was like yeah we want to get married in like a week um as in we didn't get married in a week but we wanted to we said we wanted to get married eventually in a week after that um and then we ended up spending a lot of time at each other's homes right um he was spending a lot of time at my house for ages i mean that's pretty much where i took him to have all of our dates because i loved being around my family and i was like best of both worlds i can be around the person that i want to spend the rest of my life with and the people that i've spent most of my life with and so yeah most of our dates would would involve my parents um and my sister and my brother-in-law at the time and so we got to know each other kind of in our own environments as well really fast which i think helped us fast forward a lot easier yeah absolutely and i remember that my sister gave me like an action plan she's like this is what you're going to get along on this is what you're going to struggle with and this is going to be your challenges and and and i definitely owe it to her to bring us together yeah she was us being together my sister definitely and and she was like because she knows me so well and i feel she got to know you well as well she was just like this is what you guys are going to agree on this is what you're not going to agree on this you know it was just it was so nice to have that yeah because you could go into a relationship having more understanding of the other person can i just say one of the things she said that we wouldn't get along on is bollywood because i loved bollywood songs and films at the time but you like a good bollywood song questionable yeah questionable right now i decided to get over there yeah and you you've barely eaten yeah yeah yeah you've got to go have a love for it yeah but yeah we spent a lot of time in each other's parents homes and with our families which was great because you had to be yourself i used to love what your mom used to tell you my mom was so funny so obviously like it was a person to her that was you know we were dating and so usually you would put in a lot of effort in the way that you dress and uh doing your hair when the person you're dating comes over but um yeah i would literally be in the same clothes that i was wearing like the whole day which was pretty much like pajama bottoms and and a really scruffy top and my mum would be like do you not want to maybe you know put a different top on or you don't want to change your trousers i was like no mom if he can't love me in what i'm wearing right now which is what he's probably going to see me for the rest of his life then it's just not meant to be okay like he has to love me for and she would okay but you could try you know a little bit i was like no and it worked so yeah and she's so beautiful and cute like even when she's dressed all hobo chic i'm just like i love it you know and and it's quite nice actually like i i genuinely believe this like i rarely see her with makeup on yes and so it's it's fun when you when you fall in love with someone based on who they are and their personality and their energy and all of that beauty shines through so yeah i love you so that leads us nicely on to the next point that our friends wanted to discuss which is what's the key to starting off a relationship well what's the key like what's the key to starting it off well so one thing for me was was this that because we didn't see each other in dating environments yeah a lot i feel like dating environments put this pressure of being in an interview so i compared dates to interviews it's almost like you have to put your best foot forward you wear your best clothes you try and say all the best things and even if it's not the best actually it's us trying to be right and that's what we do in interviews when you go an interview for a job it's like you want to be the right fit for that person yeah and that's what happens in a dating scenario like you're sitting opposite desk just like you're doing an interview and then someone's asking you a question and you're like okay well what do i have to say to make them like me or to say the right thing whereas we didn't really get to do that no and i'm not saying that that was a conscious choice but now when i look back at it and i reflect on it and introspect on it i'm like we didn't really get an opportunity to date in that sense and that means that i got exposed to the real her either by seeing her in a charity organization seeing her in a real life scenario how does she treat normal people and then how she's with her family and i'm like that's the best view you can get of someone and so when i look at that in terms of giving advice or tips or whatever my recommendation is be around people that you're thinking about being with in an environment where they're just being themselves yeah because chances are if you like them the way they are when they are with other people then you're likely to love them when they're with you too and so often we only see people that we are considering being romantic with or dating etc we only see them in dates and dinners and movie nights and whatever it is right mm-hmm yeah i agree i feel like you think and also seeing people with the people that they're closest to because you can't really fake it with the people that you're closest to i mean if you can you could do it for a really short period of time and you also end up seeing them being probably at their worst and at their best because you can be the most loving to your family but you can also be the worst person towards your family because they're the ones that accept it and so yeah i feel like you get a good image of who the person is through through interacting with them that way absolutely yeah good point thanks nicely said it's true yeah and and the other thing is i so when we first got together i'd left being a monk probably like seven months before so it'd been like a seven month gap and i didn't have a job oh yeah i had no job i had no money no i was getting rejected left right and center from every single place that i was applying to because i'd been a monk for three years and no one wanted to hire someone who had monk written on their resume like no one's like oh yeah i would love your transferable skills like you know like what do you know and so oh you can meditate for four hours great we need that in our organization so it was just there was no i had nothing really yeah and that's a great way to start dating someone because there's very i remember i used to save up so i used to like try and work part-time and i was doing everything i could you were tutoring i was tutoring so i would like i would be tutoring young people for their exams or university exams et cetera and i'd be making like you know 15 pounds an hour or whatever it was and i remember i'd save up so i could take her out on a date at the end of the month and so that we could do something fun and and i loved the fact i loved that because i met her at a time when when i had nothing and she accepted me for it yeah i love her for that and also her parents were always really cool about it so sometimes that can be a big pressure from parents and expectations but her parents were really cool about it they never made me feel uncomfortable about it or anything and my parents obviously were very comfortable with me they were just like follow your heart do what's right for you very very encouraging and i'm not i don't come from a well of background at all or anything so it's not that i had a backup plan but my parents were still very very encouraging and supportive yeah i i that was never uh in my mind to be honest i was i knew i wanted to be with you and so i was like to my mom even if we end up living in a really tiny house just by like near the temple that i used to go to and just i know that i want to spend my life with him so whatever ends up being and you were really really enthusiastic and you had so much purpose and even from the beginning like you were so driven to do whatever you wanted to do i didn't know what that was at the time um but you were so driven that i just knew whatever it was whatever we were meant to be was what was gonna happen and so and i knew you would never you're always like gonna be there to take care of me and i felt that from the beginning like i always felt supported you wanna hold hands yeah i'm not good at pda so i'm gonna not do that oh my god um yeah so that was it was it was really nice and i feel like he had a lot of the qualities that i always felt i would always grow up saying oh i really want a husband that was like my dad like i love my dad and he was always someone that i felt very protected and supported by and so i just definitely now looking back at it i felt those qualities in him as i got to know him and so i thought yeah that was that was nice and my parents yeah my parents my parents didn't carry that i always thought it would be you know you always think in indian families that's going to be an issue but they loved him from the start he's got really good i don't know if you guys have noticed but he's got a really good way of saying things and and winning people over by his words so it's real though i know that's why it's genuine and it's sweet so from those interactions i think my parents trusted him very easily as well um yeah i really get along with your parents i know yeah and it was so great for me because amy was already like my sister and me and your mom got along straight away because we bonded over food and so yeah it was really easy for us both to to join into each family but yeah another thing i think that's really important at the start of a relationship is self-awareness and setting expectations so i feel that having done the work as a monk and having been through that experience myself i'd gained so much self-awareness so i was really aware of what type of partner i needed in my life i was really aware of what i needed in my life to flourish to thrive and so when i met someone it was very easy for me it was very easy and simple for me to communicate my expectations to her and be like i i remember one of the things i said and this is not offensive at all it's genuinely how i felt at the time and i said that if you want a husband who goes to ikea on the weekends and and to the cinema like i'm not that guy and i didn't mean that as a bad thing if anyone is that what i meant that as is i want to be someone who lives their lives of purpose and i want my life to be about service and i want my life to have an impact on people's lives and i need a partner that's going to understand that embrace that and roll with that as well and wants to live not a normal life because that wasn't going to work for me if i really wanted to have an impact if i really wanted to make a difference if i really wanted to serve and so that wasn't an ego thing it wasn't me thinking i'm better or above or special it was me saying this is a priority for me and i don't need it to be your priority but i need you to understand it to be mine and i think this is really important that we should feel that if we're genuinely committed to something when you make someone aware and same back from her side too like when she and she'll share hers but when she's made me aware of what her priorities are and what's important to her you start respecting what's important to the other person rather than expecting them to trade theirs right and that's usually what happens in relationships in the beginning is instead of showing respect for the other people's passion you expect them to change their passion for yours or compromise and be excited about your stuff and and i don't think that that's the right way i think it's us being clear about ourselves communicating that and then respecting what the other person communicates yeah i think we discussed that really early on actually yeah and just to be clear he has come to ikea with me on the weekends and movies yeah um but you know i understood the point of it and i remember at that time when he was really pushing for what he wanted to do um he was very very busy and so there were certain things i mean he spent a lot of time with me and my family but we had just agreed that look if there was extended things that i had to go to because with families there's always other things that you have to go to like family friends or relatives houses for every event possible and if that happened then i knew that i was okay with him not coming to them and i said that to him from the beginning if you need to go and do something which is i know for you more important not because for the purpose that you want to live then i totally understand that comes above you just coming to another party which people are not probably going to remember like it's okay um and i think that was really actually really important for us because you can always hear what other people say like family members or friends or whatever will always have a different opinion and so as long as you feel like you have um discussed it and you really understand that person's point of view then you don't feel kind of it doesn't rub off on you when people say things because you understand it deeply whereas if you don't then i think it's really easy to get swayed by other people's view of life or other people's way of relationships or whatever it is like you can get that can rub off on you very easily but if you really understand that person and why they're doing it i think that can make a big difference to you supporting them in why then why they're doing it thank you oh my god this is this holding hands thing weird and we had to you know realize and i really appreciated that from her like i i really valued that because it wasn't about seeing something as less it was about seeing something as a priority for me yeah and and having someone who understood that and trusted me and and allow me to have that space strengthened us and we also very quickly became our we became a team yeah so when it came to our families or like demands and for anyone who's from an asian family or an indian family knows that it's a big deal it's a big deal like family is a big deal and he gets very involved in a relationship and i remember saying to her really early on i was like it's me and you like we're a team like it's us and and we have to think like that because we've got to wake up next to each other every single day of our lives we've got to go to sleep together with each other every day of our lives we've got to be in each other's face and space every single day each other live so it's it's us we have to be a team and and then very quickly like i found that when it was anything to do with my family or my commitments etc then i would have her back and whenever she was anywhere and it was about me she would have my back and that built like a really strong bond early on yeah i completely agree and even if we wanted to discuss it between us and we had a different opinion to the other person at least to the like people that we were speaking to if we had each other's back the other person felt supported and and comforted by that whereas i feel if you're yeah it's just so hard to fight that battle between between the person that you love and like the people that you you've spent your whole life with um but i think when you know you're going to when you understand the reason behind it i just yeah i keep coming back to that but i really think it makes such a difference yeah i remember earlier on in our relationship when we were talking about spending time with each other's family or even each other you said something to me which has stuck with me for a really long time until now um no it was really good he was saying how you know we can spend so much quantity of time with people and it can be spent doing so many different things you're with each other but you're actually doing like okay you're watching a film or you're um on your phones or you're spending the whole day together but how much are you actually interacting with each other and so i really loved that he would always choose quality time over necessarily over like quantity so even if he's spending a short amount of time with me or my family or my friends he would always make sure he's got like they've got his full attention like he would really make them feel and he genuinely felt that way that he was investing his full self into that moment and i think that made make such a difference and i never understood that at the time because it was always like you know when you're spending time with family it's just family time but it really made me think about how i spend time with people rather than the amount of time i spend time with people and as i've seen you do that while we've been together i just think i've noticed how much people appreciate your full attention and how deeply you connected them even in such a short space of time whereas i've been like the type person who can spend an hour with someone and my mind can be somewhere else and it's it's a training though is it's a training thing definitely and i've learned that from you but it's an incredible quality to have to be able to invest your full self into a conversation or a person and that's why like he it's actually really annoying but he remembers everything like he remembers everybody's name everything i said like five weeks ago everything i was wearing like it's an amazing quality but it can also be very annoying because i don't have that memory so he's like no you said this like three weeks ago it's like no i didn't but i don't have like a book that i write things down in so i have to take his word for it but yeah five hours a day guys five five almonds yes as my mom would tell me but no i thank you i really appreciate it yeah i remember that from quality and you know she'd always make an effort and this is where it comes to using your skills and talents like she'd always make an effort to like cook amazing stuff for my family i remember when you made my sister a minion cake oh yeah for her birthday that took me a day and a half and it was so weird and i love minions too so it was it was so cute and and my mom still remembers the first talk you ever made when i first came over and it's just it's those things so you know using your talents using your skills and and people appreciate that even more than like taking a week or taking time like you're saying like quantity but the quality of a thought yeah right even when people say like it's the thought that counts it's not it's the quality of the thought that like that's that's where we make an impact in people's lives third topic that our friends want us to discuss is love languages and realizing and recognizing our own love languages and the love languages of someone else so if you don't know what the love languages are it's a great book by gary chapman i've made lots of videos on it so there are five love languages and the five love languages are quality time touch words of affirmation acts of service and gifts so all of us have multiple love languages but we have a priority a hierarchy order and we both mostly value one or two as our top love languages and everyone has them so you can think about yours as well this was an interesting lesson for me in relationship it took a while for us to get there yeah definitely took a while it did and we got it really wrong yeah for a long time like it was yeah it was definitely been a journey for sure because you always end up trying to give the person what you want like it's it's such a natural thing oh sorry i forgot it's your show yeah no no i'm just saying that it's so i'm just thinking about it back because i'm thinking about all the things i got wrong um but it's so easy to always want to give other people what you love receiving or what you love doing um for that person like and i feel like your love languages can be different in what you like giving to other people and what you like receiving from other people like i love cooking for people and i really appreciate a good meal but i wouldn't necessarily say that that's my way of showing love it's not necessarily my way that i feel love given to me um and yeah i think it took a lot of trial and error yeah it was a serious experiment going on for a couple of years yeah and she and she's holding back right now but literally is hilarious like she's she's the funniest person i know she makes me laugh the most i'm very nervous right now and when i yeah and she's getting into it she's getting into it you just need to go find some stories on instagram but when i when i first met her and when you see her you're like oh she's an elegant oh yeah he's an elegant graceful young woman and and i was just like and i was just like okay so maybe she likes like like grand gestures and elegant posh places like that's what i thought and this just shows us how a the media makes us assume what people like or we based on how someone appears we assume what they like and so that's what i did i got it completely wrong and i remember organizing our first date we went to watch a theater show which was actually really fun and then we went to this restaurant that i booked and this restaurant's called la canda located which he must have like tuted for about a month to afford that one-day date literally yeah it was expensive and this restaurant is like highly in demand like david beckham goes there and it's it's one of these you know very posh very grand restaurant i thought that's what i needed to do and i was totally wrong like we sat there she looked so uninterested in this thing and i had to wear heels and i didn't wear heels like literally it was like i was in a dress i wouldn't normally wear because i thought that's what he wanted so i was literally like a dress that like a really girly dress which i wouldn't normally wear and heels which i normally wouldn't wear um and so we were both sitting in this restaurant and i was really hungry at the end of it and i said to him at the end i was like look even if you just take me on a walk in a really good supermarket or what do they call it here grocery store grocery store supermarket i was like that is like the most epic date you could take me on get me a few treats from like the from the shelves we'll go down the gluten-free vegan aisle that would be the best day and so after that i think you kind of started understanding i think i still got it wrong yeah yeah yeah yeah and this is my point like we all get stuff wrong because of previous experiences the media what we think like all that kind of stuff and i just kept i got it wrong for a while because i just kept thinking and then i was like okay she liked food okay let's then i had a moment where he's like oh she likes food so then all i did was buy her cards with food puns and food which i really liked and then we only went to like food places for all our dates i was starting to get closer you did you took me on a date where we went cooking at like a jamie oliver thing yeah that was really that was fun yeah that was a good day yeah you did good you did good yeah um but yeah it did take a lot and even when i was and he's a gifts person yeah so i'm gifts and words of affirmation and i think i'm definitely words of affirmation and quality time maybe yeah quality time do you like it yeah do you like quality time i think that they might yes um and yeah what was i saying you were saying you like gifts yeah so i i'm like i'm not so much of a gift person i don't think i ever really have been um even like on my birthdays and stuff like all i really remember growing up is my dad would just take a day off and spend that time with me and i used to just love that aspect of it rather than the gifts i do like gifts but they're just not my main thing um and so i was trying to buy a gift for you and he wanted like an ipad type thing no i wanted to know you weren't here i thought you wanted an ipad type thing and so i was like looking at you i wanted a tablet i thought you wanted a tablet and so i was literally looking around for the best spec and like really really good like details of whatever was good and also good pricing because obviously like a good bargain is is you need that if you're into driving oh yeah if you're driving you need a good bargain and so i was looking around and i found this amazing asus tablet what is asus an asus is a good brand to everybody and so i thought look this looks like a really good one let me buy it got it packed it up gave it to him i have never seen disappointment like so bad in my life from opening a gift because when he says he wants an like a tablet he wanted an ipad um and so i learned that he likes really like good quality expensive gifts which i probably still haven't got no now we're just telling you guys but last year she organized the most incredible surprise birthday pie so i've loved surprises and this is another thing about our childhood etc i've loved surprises since i was a kid yeah because my mom would always surprise me on my birthday and so i'd really encourage you to reflect on where your preferences and priorities and things that you love get like where does that come from so for me my love for surprises in life and in everything comes from my mom surprising me on my birthday and i've never as you grow up surprises become harder and harder to do for people and last year she organized the most epic birthday surprise ever so it happened two months after my birthday so i was not expecting at all she told me she was like cooking and catering for a friend's event so she was cooking this whole week like working so hard on all of this stuff and i was just like how important is this friend because she was going through extreme lengths and i was like wow like she's really dedicated to this friend and that was cool like i appreciated it i was like i love seeing her in an element and loving cooking for someone that she loves and that was beautiful and then i think i'm going to an event with my manager and my team the same night so i'm like oh sorry i won't be able to make it to your event etc like i've got this you've got that have fun like i hope it goes really really well and then i turn up i open the door to this event it's like all of my friends from la like everyone that i love everyone that really loves and believes in me like they were all there everyone showed up she made sure that literally every single person that i care about was that there was like a stalker girlfriend looking through his phone at everyone that he mentioned let me find that person's number let me get that person's email address yeah and literally it was just it was genuinely after my wedding after that the best thing that's ever happened to me like it was that good it was just amazing like it was the most beautiful event it was really hard really meaningful we had an illusionist i love magicians and illusionists yeah you do i had an incredible show an incredible dj playing violin to some of my favorite songs all my favorite people were there from from la specifically because it was in la and i just i was just so blown away like genuinely i was like speechless for the first time in my life because she'd completely outdone any expectation i could have ever had which was the hardest thing ever for me because it was the first time i wanted to show him that i really understood his love language um and also like the effort that goes that that you go through to make something like that happen one i had no idea until i actually started going through it and usually i would get to a point where i would find like an obstacle and i'd be like you know what it's just i'll just take him somewhere instead like forget it i don't need to do this but he puts in a lot of thought into a lot of the dates that he plans and so i really really wanted to show him that i like that i really understand it and like that i've observed things about him and i really notice what he loves and and uh appreciates and so it was the hardest thing i've ever had to do in my life like it was so hard plan i'm not a planner i'm not good at organizing i'm i'm just it's not not my like i wouldn't say it's my top three skills let's just say that but um i was just so happy that i did it because and it was genuinely like the love that i have for him is the only thing that got me through it because otherwise i would have just basically never called me for party planning never i'm not i'm so blessed to have her in my life because and she cooked for everyone too so i did yeah for everyone she organized the event there were like 80 people there it was amazing and and i'm so grateful to you for doing that i literally was the best i'm glad you liked it could have ever thank god because imagine you hated it no i loved it i loved it it was amazing and and yeah it was just it was incredible and it just shows like we've been together now for nearly six years yeah and it takes time to learn about each other it takes time to grow each other but the point is are you waking up enthusiastic and energetic every day to fall in love with that person again like that's the question you have to ask yourself like are you looking for more reasons to get that person to change for you or are you looking for more reasons to be like no i want us to fall more in love i want us to learn about each other i want to give more to you every day i want to be better for you every day or are you looking for how that person can be better for you and if it's the other way around then most likely that relationship's not going to last too long or it's going to be very one way but if it's like how can i be better for that person every single day and it may take time and it has taken us time yeah to completely understand each other more etc and we've been through a lot i want to get to that as well but that you know it takes time and it's okay as long as you're waking up every day with that intention with that motive or that desire yeah i definitely think it's about what you feel you're bringing to the other person rather than what you feel you can get from the other person i think that makes such a difference because when both people do that yeah when both people do that when you feel like okay well this is what i can provide like and i love what you say about everyone having different skills because even in a relationship i think i have so we are very different in a lot of ways in majority of the ways we're very different i always say we're totally different yeah and so instead of seeing that as things that are taking us apart from each other i think we really tried to say okay cool i love being in the kitchen for example um and you're really good at doing all the math stuff to do with bills and i really don't want to do that and so instead of trying to be like oh no we should be equal in like you know doing this and doing that no let's just play to our strands and i think that made a huge difference because i didn't feel pressured to do things which i really don't feel comfortable doing if i had to do them i would have but thankfully we both kind of are good at areas which the other person is maybe not so good at yeah and so um we just played to our strengths and and we weren't annoyed at the other person for not being able to do those things we just understood that we have skills in different areas and we can contribute to the relationship with those skills rather than trying to be like all-rounders in all areas which doesn't work for us and and the key to that i love that and the key to that is valuing what the other person brings as equal as equal yeah right so it's like it's not saying oh if your skill is different to mine but my skill does this like my skill fulfills this or my skill uh sorts this out like that's more important and i think that's where it gets hard where we either try and equalize our skills which i agree with you is not a good idea to play your strengths or the opposite thing people do is they do their skill but then they think their skill adds more value to the relationship and i think that again just ruins it like it's like you're on a team like when you look at a sports team one player can't say i'm more important than the rest of the team it's a team game and i'm going to try and do a food analogy now yeah i'm trying to give a food analysis no like let's get me out hear me out there you go okay like one ingredient can't be like to the other ingredient i'm more important than you yes yeah yeah that's good yeah yeah because you need all of that unless you're salt no but still but yeah okay yeah i'll give you that you can't have one ingredient that's more important than the other ingredient and yes yeah i totally agree no i agree you did great that was a great food analogy um but i remember this actually because when we i've been a housewife for a while like i i i stayed work from home and i'm studying and stuff so i remember working from home i work from home but i still i as in yeah i'm more of a housewife than i am working um and so and i love that i love doing i love cooking and i love doing all the things that i do do but when we were in new york i remember he was working at that time for huffington post so he was out most of the day and he would just come back in the evening and he would come back and i would have just finished cooking and he would always be like oh like can i do anything for you can i wash up like you've been working hard all day and that for me was such a big thing because it's like actually in my mind it's like he's been working hard all day but he would come home and ask me if i needed a massage or if i wanted um him to wash up or do anything in the house and like a lot of people think that that should just be a given like oh like yeah i've been doing the house stuff all day so come home and you should be washing the dishes but i just think actually if you see us that's such a sweet thing for him to have done in my eyes because he could not do that we could all just not do a lot of things but if we put in that extra bit of effort and show that person that i value you and what you're doing just as much as i value what i'm doing like people you know going to work seems like you're going out and doing the hard work but you also saw that i was doing the washing or the cleaning or the cooking and you valued it in the same way as going to work and i thought that was a really yeah that was a that was a big thing for me and he's been like that the whole time so i think it's the same i think for me as well like she was so good at doing that like she would put our heart into it right it wasn't just doing it and i think that's the point here it's it's not about doing the activity it's about putting your heart into it like it would always be like oh let me it was the like the other day i was just like we just got back from india and when i'm in india i eat doses a lot dosas are incredible if you know what they if you don't know they are go get a dose yes and i love them and i was literally just like i was like i missed doses every day every morning i know she ordered a dosa maker and we had doses it went terribly wrong everyone terribly wrong but still i loved it like it was it was it was the love in it and i think that's the same you know she believes in uh cooking with devotion and seasoning with love and for me she lives that every single day like that's there's not a day when i don't feel like food is an offering of love so then you can't help but value it like it's not you don't have to it's not hard it's not hard to value it that's what i'm trying to say thanks but yeah this is getting a bit sweet isn't it i know why don't you change it up yeah i'm leaving it to you to make it funny see i'm the romantic in the room yeah she's the comedy this is always the case like my his card's to me this is a rom-com yes yeah whose cards to me are like the sweetest really genuine from the heart and my cards are like funny weird poems that are like i really like your face you don't know how to make cake like literally those are those what my cards were like i don't think i think maybe one out of 15 cards were maybe somewhat like sweet and loving but otherwise yeah i've always been the jokester and you generally are the sweet ones you are yeah you are there's a i'm gonna live up to my live up to my romantic tag in this relationship i always say this to her because i mean it and it's uh i don't know who said it but it's it's beautiful and it said that they said oh no i know what he's gonna say everybody cue the key the romantic music and the tissues and the tissues i found anybody needs cheese if you they said if you want her to fall in love with you you have to make a laugh but now every time she laughs i'm the one who falls in love and i'm pretty sure that's from a grime artist in london in some sort of a rap song it's great though i mean it is a really i really like it topic number four what's your favorite thing to do together so our friends wanted us to discuss this is easy what's our favorite thing to do together eat no sorry that's my favorite yeah um what's our favorite thing to do together i had an easy answer for this song oh okay i like um what do we like what do we like to do together mine was activities and experiences oh i thought it was like a specific one no like activities yeah we love doing that like escape rooms and we went to a virtual reality escape from the other day we went on a hike oh thanks um uh we go on hikes and we just love doing experiences you're right experiences and activities yes we do try and do like we've gone through the thing of where we try and go shopping together or movies and stuff but we generally find we have a lot more fun when we're doing activities where we're contributing to something together like one of the first dates we went on was go ape and so for anyone who doesn't know what go ape is go ape is like a assault course but in the air so you're like swinging around it's like tarzan kind of stuff and and we loved it because it was just like it was active we're both doing stuff together helping each other out we love escape rooms even though there are times i think we've evolved yeah like the first time i went on an escape to an escape room with him i was like we are never doing this again because i'm so relaxed that i'm just like oh you know if we win it's fine if we don't win it's the like you know it's we participated and that's what counts and he's like come on we have to do this get over there um i'm not angry you're not angry but you're like very enthusiastic and so i'm sitting on the chair like we're going to be escaping a prison and i'm just sitting there with like a hammer in my hand and he's like looking around everywhere trying to search for it he's like why are you not helping and then the trap door opens because she like bites yeah and i get it right anyway just by being chilled out now i've realized trust her so we did that recently and i trusted him and it was good and i actually got quite you did well yeah you did well we enjoyed it we did that activities and experiences getting outdoors doing stuff together solving puzzles something that engages us in talking discussing doing achieving something together is a great yeah achieving something together when you when we went to that cooking class for example like we cooked a meal together like that was fun and then we ate it when you when you create together yeah it's such a special experience yeah that's so true and i think that more of us should find time with our other hearts so even people who are dating or getting to know to to create together you just learn more about the person it's so much quicker so much easier we've also started spending a lot of time because of how our schedules work sometimes we end up just spending time together where we're just catching up and talking which actually is quite nice because we didn't used to do that and i think that used to get us to a point where we felt like we maybe didn't know each other as well as we wanted to or understand each other as well as we wanted to but now we we do take out time to just yeah like catch up and and ask the other person about what's going on me more so than him he used to do this anyway but i now i'm asking a lot more questions and i we really try to invest our interest into the other person which is great yeah and we love meditating together and we love going to get vegan donuts together so yes that's true so i'm going to go to medicine but literally when we met i used to teach her philosophy and meditation and i say this all the time she's now a better meditator than me she's more serious she's more focused she's more sincere she's more devoted it's amazing like being able to have that in my life is so powerful and that i put above anyone bringing in conscious spiritual intention and energy into a relationship that's above someone bringing money that's above someone bringing anything else like that's just the most powerful thing that you can bring into a relationship because it's it's helping you eternally it's helping you for the rest of your life and i think it's undervalued of how much bringing positive beautiful spiritual energy is into a relationship and you've been doing that since day one in our relationship like she literally for the first i think first few years we were dating she was like waking up at 4am and going to meditate with the monks every morning right like with with the community and and she did that like while she was working a job while she was planning our wedding while she was working at the hospital etc and all the rest of it and so i feel that you've prioritized your spiritual practices so highly and i love you for that and it's made such a difference in our relationship and for me it's like what can i do to let you keep having that like what can i do to keep letting you be that light in our life because that's something that you can't buy like you can't you can't buy that anywhere you can't just make that happen anywhere and and i value that more than any other contribution and i learned it all from him so i did i learned i actually learned it all from him like he him and my mom have been like the two and my grandma they've been the people who have really been the key factors of spirituality in my life and obviously my spiritual teacher too um but yeah he he has really shown me what leading a spiritual path and really focusing on it what you can actually become from and i think that's a great motivation because all the qualities and everything that he is now that's positive has come from the time when he was a monk um i i think would you agree yeah and um yeah i just really feel that seeing someone live it after they've really gone through an intense period of being in a spiritual mindset in an intense spiritual mindset for that longer period i really see those qualities in him day to day and how he reacts to things day to day is is the product of his hard work that he's put in during that time and i think that's a great motivation for me because i'm just like well i want to see life in that way like i want to see situations in that way or react to people in that way or interact with people in this way and i think everything has been from that time in your life and so yeah i really think he's been a great inspiration for me in that area and i just know that that's what brings me the most happiness and when i don't do those practices i know it's every part of my life suffering so i know that if i really feel like i'm not dedicating enough time to my spiritual practices then i'm a lot snappier with you and i'm a lot like my relationships suffer my um quality of like the rest of the day just doesn't feel like it's got as much quality as it could have i haven't got the most out of the rest of my day because i haven't prioritized my my soul and like my connection uh to god at the beginning of the day and for me that's so important and so yeah i think it really i ha it definitely does impact relationships well my relationships around me if i don't have that in my life consistently and with quality i think it makes a huge difference yes like your relationship to your spiritual practice is the most important relationship yeah and because of that relationship being right it filters into everything else completely how i feel in my spiritual practice is how i end up feeling towards other people around me and so if i don't feel like i put my best into that then i know it filters through everywhere else and i've observed that in myself and so i think for the sanity of everyone around me i have to make sure i do it too because it's not just me it affects it affects everybody i come into contact with because i'm a product of that i feel yeah do you want to add anything on that no i think i'm good yeah all right next thing is what's your favorite thing about each other oh i feel like we've said it enough now you know yeah i know i'm checking i don't know i'm joking yeah we've said a lot i have to say one thing i want to say one thing i think one of my fav the favorite thing about you is how you see things how you see situations like they say that with a monk mindset you should be able to see things very it's called equine what's the word equipoise equilibrium equipoise yeah equanimity i always get that word wrong so when you whether something goes bad or something goes good you're able to have a very like neutral mindset to that situation and not get too excited when things go really really well and not get too sad when things get really bad and i think from all the ups and downs that we've been through whether it's with your career or whatever it's been every time something goes wrong even if like you miss a plane whatever it is he never gets to a point where he's like oh my gosh this is the worst thing ever which is my usual reaction to like before would have been my usual reaction to things he is always just like it's just part of the plan like this just makes the story so much better and i just really appreciate that because it's made me not overreact and made me see perspective in so many situations and made me realize that actually yeah like that quality of and he doesn't get too excited anything good that happens like whether he wins awards or whatever like the coolest thing may happen and he never gets too excited like he appreciates it and he just you know in his mind he prays and offers it back to his spiritual teacher and i just think it's such a deep practice to have to not get too excited and and bask in your success does that is basketball yeah yeah and not um be too sad and and like kind of sit in your sadness for too long and i think he really has that great balance of being able to snap out of things and seeing things he doesn't have to snap out of it he just doesn't see in that way like he's trained his mind to see things in a way where everything is just part of the journey and nothing is up up up and down up and down up and down it's all quite like like a little wave rather than like a tide um so yeah thanks i really appreciate that yeah and hers is so easy anyone who's met her already knows this literally like every one of my friends i introduce it they they fall in love with her and become best friends with her and then i'm third wheeling all of a sudden yeah and i love that like it's the best feeling in the world that everyone i introduce her to or everyone she meets she just has this pure genuine light and all i'm like in life is like don't screw that up like don't mess that up like like let her be that light like just let her be what she is and you know how her parents have raised her like how her grandmother's had an impact on her like everything she has like her spiritual teacher her spirituality everything that she has like it's so pure and genuine and and full of love like i always tell her she's she's like the best person i've met and and i just want you know i just want everyone to experience that like that's i want everyone to experience and that's partly why we're doing this this podcast is because i want everyone to experience that there are people in the world who just have no agendas that are loved that are being loved at all times that don't have any like negative motive towards anyone or don't want to have like any of jealousy or bring someone else down to feel better and and i think she has that in abundance and everyone feels it like as soon as she walks into a room she lights it up with her presence and energy and that doesn't mean like being the loudest person in the room she's rarely that it doesn't mean being the most talkative person it just means being that energy and i know all of you who know her know that and feel it and and i get to feel it every day so i mean anything that's true but thanks i do i do love i've just realized come i mean i've been through so many ups and downs of my own journey of you know jealousy and whatever it is and not being that person for people and not being someone who can help to can be the joy for somebody else but going through that and coming out the other end through a lot of journaling i've talked about this before and and a lot of introspection i just realized i actually get so much more joy of being other people's joy like i love making people laugh i love making people feel loved and i love making people feel like they're cared for and and looked after and whatever it is i love i never realized actually it's more of a selfish thing because i love doing that for other people i get the joy out of it and so um yeah i think if you can light up someone's life in some small way or like make someone laugh you just never know what they're going through and so i just think it's such a sweet thing to share and give out to someone like you can give a lot of things up but if you're able to give love and and happiness to someone in a small way every single day like it's such a beautiful it's a gift like it's such a sweet gift to give out to people so i'm grateful that i'm able to do that for you sometimes and for other people thanks again sorry guys i do an american accent whenever i'm like it's probably the worst american accent that you guys have heard but i do accents yeah i love her accent yeah because i'm terrible at them they're fun okay next thing is do you fight and how do you deal with that conflict yeah we fight we fight yeah we do fight um but i mean i have to say fights don't last that long with us i think that's probably the key thing like we have been through especially when we weren't understanding each other's love languages especially when i wasn't understanding him more so than the other way around um when we argued my thing would be shutting down and not wanting to speak about it and like not communicating and answering phone calls and for him it would be like no i want to talk about it and i want to get through it and let's like let's really discuss everything and at the time it just felt like for me i was like no i need space but the more i've um accepted the way that he likes to resolve things the more i realize that actually it so makes so much more sense because yeah you may need space for a short period of time but unless you talk through and process it together you never get over that and then it's brought up in the next argument and the argument after that and the argument after that whereas if you're able to really sit down and work through whatever even if it's a really small issue like picking your shoes up from in front of the door which is something we've spoken about a few times but even if it's something as small as that and just discussing and explaining okay fine this makes me feel like you don't value me because who else are you expecting to pick up those shoes for example it's a mutual thing i i leave my shoes there too but i'm just saying even if you break it down to that level of saying actually it's not the action it's what i feel you're thinking when you're doing that action um and so it's it usually isn't the action it's usually not what the person's done it's usually how it makes you feel from that person's action if that makes sense that makes you lose um and so i think breaking it down to that level of the feeling you're getting from that person by him doing that or by her doing that actually resolves the issue so much faster and that has been completely you because he really we we've never we've never stepped really on an argument we've at least discussed it before and i really really believe in that i heard it so much but the more we've argued and the more we've resolved it before we've gone to sleep like the next morning we are fresh and ready to go like nothing's happened and not because we're ignoring it and not because we're pretending like it didn't happen or we've brushed it under the rug but because we have really talked about it and try to understand it from each other's point of view and i think i really think that's made such a big difference to the way we argue yeah i think that's a great point that's such an important point i think the point around it's not about the action that hurts it's about how that action makes someone feel is so much more important because sometimes i'm doing something really small and i'm getting it wrong but i'm like oh it's so small but then she's like no it's big and i'm like well how's it big and then she's like because this is how it makes me feel i'm like oh that is big right and then i have that moment of like aha like the penny drops and i'm oh okay it's big it's not small again because you're never really doing things to like it's not like you're doing it intentionally also and it's also understanding that aspect of it like saying that i and always reminding yourself that if you know that person loves you then they are never going to be doing things to intentionally like product you or intentionally make you feel a negative emotion and and if we are doing that then we should be very aware of it and sometimes saying things like remarks of that are in a sarcastic tone or whatever actually those things can build up and you feel like you're saying in a jokey way i used to do that all the time saying things in like a sarcastic funny way to try and get a point across to you but now i've realized that actually just asking you in a polite way in a sweet way in a loving way can have so much more impact than me sarcastically throwing something in there and yeah so i think the way that we say things and the thought behind it actually makes such a difference and now i know like whenever you do anything even if it's small when i proce i process it in my mind before i say a lot of things to you and actually it goes away because i'm like i know the intention is not that and if i do want you to do something then i'll just ask you politely and i've noticed the difference that it makes um in in the way that we speak to each other when we think about it and process it like that rather than rather than just shouting out whatever comes into our mind like that's not that's not going to help like not being able to control what's coming out of your mouth yeah and anyone who says they don't argue isn't true like everyone argues everyone fights everyone has disagreements and they're good and they're good to work through because disagreements usually just arise because we all have different upbringings we all have different backgrounds we're all raised differently we're raised in different amounts of space we're raised differently in terms of responsibility and so now you're putting two different people with two different responsibilities together and if you don't argue about it you don't disagree about it if you don't talk it out then all you do like she said is you just end up living the same thing again and again and again it's really important to draw boundaries as well like recognizing like this these are certain things that really annoy me like to say that when you first move in with someone yeah these are the things that annoy me like these are my top three things that will get on my nerves like let's try and avoid that and the other person gets to say the same you're gonna just avoid so much hassle rather than like thinking oh for the first week it's fine i'm gonna do everything for that person and then you end up feeling upset because they're not reciprocating whatever just just set your expectations draw the boundaries be really open and honest about what works for you and what doesn't yeah and then figure out which parts you can help each other on agreed so i'm going to ask you one more question for us then i want to talk a lot about you so anyone who's watching or listening right now if you've got this far i hope you've enjoyed it we've been introducing you to the world of us but i really also want to introduce you to the world of my wife she's incredibly talented she's got so many great insights i want you to learn about her and and fall in love with her as much as i am but before we do that we take the last questions the last question is how do you deal with my hectic travel schedule yeah i get asked that my type of work yeah um i think we've both been very independent people in our relationship and i think when it comes to us being separate like it's just letting the other person get done what they need to get done if i need to be away for work or you need to be away for work i know it's not like trouble yeah i know that it's not that you want to be away from me or that i want to be away from you it's that we need to get stuff done it's not the end of the world we love each other but we also need to go and do what we love doing and so when i can i travel with you but if i can't i catch up with the stuff that i really need to get done that maybe i'm not able to do in condensed like time when we're together and so are you just using an opportunity to get those things done and yeah i just think i just think we're in we're really good at being independent and we're really good at being together and i don't know whether that answers the question but yeah yeah yeah no and i miss her when i'm away from her it's not like i don't miss her and we both travel for work so i can be away i'm usually away for shorter stints more regularly and she's away for longer stints irregularly yes that's kind of how it works so she could be away for like a month or two but that happens like once or twice a year and then i could be away for like three nights but i do that regularly yeah every month and so we we've both learned that we get more done personally which is really powerful because you get to focus on what you're doing i get to focus on what i'm doing we miss each other more so when we get back together we're really excited to be with each other so that adds another level of uh incredible beauty in a relationship and and the other thing is i think i really believe that you have to be whole to then enhance each other in a relationship i don't know if you want to talk about this like you don't complete each other in a relationship it's not half and half it's whole and whole coming together it's it's a full person and another full person filling each other up more and overflowing it's not about i'm half full you're half full together we're full yeah well like i'm trying to i've got a part missing of me that i'm trying to fulfill from that other person i don't think that works because it's it's unnatural to feel like this person is going to feel a part of you like it has to be you being the whole person like you said i just don't think we can expect another person to fill us or a gap in us um yeah and i think i think that that makes a big difference definitely of being apart from each other because and i also think that i yeah i feel like i want to say this too that every relationship is so different and i don't think that this would necessarily work for a lot of people or or a few people but i don't think it would necessarily work for everybody and some people really need that time when they're with that person all the time or messaging that person all the time and that's totally fine but when i speak about our relationship i just always feel like i make it clear that this like this is just works for us this works for us and it's great but i don't think that it necessarily works for everybody out there and i don't think what works for everybody out there is going to work for us and i think that's a big that's a big deal because i think we look up to different couples or you see people in your life your friends and how they are in their relationship and you kind of see things that you may want in a relationship and you think that that's what you want but you never really know until you're in a relationship with somebody and you notice how you both complement each other because their their qualities are completely different to your qualities and so yeah i just i just want to add that because it works for us but i don't think it's necessarily going to work for yeah for everybody else and there's no these there's foundational things in relationship and there's flexible things foundational stuff is like respect like appreciating each other's values yeah appreciating each other's goals yeah understanding each other's backgrounds those are foundational things like that applies to every relationship under the sun like no matter which relationship you're in including friendships parents everything yeah and then there's flexible stuff like this which isn't can't be forced into everyone like how you should deal with being a part how you should travel schedules like all the kind of functional stuff that is not a thing that there's a right or wrong way yeah the foundational stuff there is stuff that works and there's stuff that doesn't the flexible stuff is adaptable it's different for different people exactly what yeah amazing so now i want to move into what i'm really excited for all of you to hear i hope that gave you a big insight into our relationship our life we got married i didn't mention this but we got married in 2016. yeah april 23rd yeah that's good and yeah and we've now been together for nearly three years uh it's been incredible being married and i'll come back to that as well but i really want you to hear about my wife's incredible insights especially because they're so related to health right mental physical personal well-being and she's definitely someone who lives and breeds what she shares it's it's not just stuff that she talks about i've actually probably never seen someone who's who's practicing what they preach as much and so i'd love for you to hear these insights so i'm going to ask you a few questions really my first question for you is how did you fall in love with food how did i fall in love with food i've always been a big foodie growing up i was um fairly overweight until the age of about 15. let's talk about that yeah about 15. um probably started losing weight around the age of 16. um but yeah i grew up i grew up always loving food always loving carbs like i loved bread and all the things i probably shouldn't have my mom was actually a personal trainer my mom was a fitness instructor so she had like slick abs like growing up and it was never really bothered by my way until i went to school and yeah long story short i loved food from being younger my mom is an incredible cook my grandma's an incredible cook my sister's also an incredible cook everyone like i've been surrounded by great cooks my whole life and so my mom would always make beautiful food from around the world wherever we travel she'd always bring that home with us and she'd make wonderful dishes and so yeah i think being supported by that being when i was younger i grew up with a really unique taste in food because i'd experienced so much being growing up and then my mom actually suggested i go into doing nutrition and dietetics at college or university and i did that and that's where my love for nutrition grew like i absolutely loved understanding the qualities of food and how they can affect our bodies and um i never really was into conventional medicine like i never liked taking anything from my body i really really believed in how natural things or foods and plants can really change the way that our body reacts to things or disease or health conditions and so that's where my love for nutrition grew in food and then i came across ayurveda and i actually don't know how it must have been i don't know how i came across i actually can't remember i know my biggest exposure to it was when i when we moved to new york but um that was pretty much encompassed everything that i ever thought like everything i wanted to believe in it had that in in one one science and ayurveda is actually iro means life and veda means knowledge so it's literally the science of life and it encompasses mind body and soul and it really believes in the mind body connection but also completely believes and and has has solid science behind how food and the qualities of the different foods and how they can affect your body and how they can be healing and how they can be medicine or they can be toxins the same food can be that for for different people and i love it because it's so individual and so personalized that our bodies are so different your body will react to a tomato completely differently than mine would and so i really appreciate that because every single body is so unique like you can't have the same medicine for one person as you do for thousands and millions of people out there it just doesn't make sense our genetics are different our body's makeup is different our elements in our bodies are different and so ayurveda really encompasses all of that and so that completely grew my love for food and healing of food and yeah i've always believed in you know we always talk about how love um the mothers love like mother's cooking is the best because of the love that she puts in it and in ayurveda it really believes that the consciousness and this is one of the things that i loved most about ayurveda it talks about how the consciousness that you cook in or the consciousness that the food's been made in actually gets infused into that person and so however that person's you know everything that we're cooking with is um is living like every fruit every vegetable it's it's it's it's a you know it's a plant it grows it has living cells and so it takes in our energy and so whatever energy you're putting into that food while you're cooking it is what the other person is is digesting and eating and so i thought that was such a beautiful aspect of it because you can change how a person feels through the energy that you're putting into even their food and so my love for food even bigger after hearing that um and yeah that was that's how i fell in love with food that's awesome i love that and it's been fun watching you fall more in love with food and ayurveda tell the audience about like a few simple well-being tips for the day so whether it's food or whether it's essential oils or whether it's anything in your life that you add split them up so tell me three simple tips that people can do daily with their food let's start with that or with food with food um simple tips i would say have three meals a day but your largest meal should be in the afternoon um our body is in sync with nature and so when the sun is as highest we believe we're in eye radio they believe we have a digestive fire in our stomach and so when the sun is at its highest is when our digestion is the strongest and so that's when we should it's when the nutrients are assimilated into our bodies a lot better when the food is broken down so much faster and efficiently and so if we're able to eat our largest meal in the afternoon our heaviest meal in the afternoon then that's actually a lot more beneficial to our body and having our lightest meal in the evening because this is the second tip now yeah number two um have your lightest meal in the aft in the evening because one your quality of sleep will be so much better your body's not trying to work while you're sleeping when you sleep you want every part of your body to be relaxed and every part of your body to feel like it's getting the rest to rejuvenate and to replenish for the next day and so if you're able to have a meal that's much lighter like soups or even a smoothie then your body is able to rest and your food is a lot of food that's not digested turns into toxins in your body and so if your body's trying to shut down and you're still putting lots of food into your body it actually ends up turning into toxins a lot a lot a lot more toxins are produced if you're digesting food overnight and number three drink lukewarm water never drink ice water ice water or really really cold beverages actually dampens your digestive fire and so you kind of want to drink drinks which are either room temperature or warm warm drinks and hot drinks really stimulate a lot of things in your body but really keep your body purified and help with toxins elimination in your body as well so those are my three tips that's great tips yeah and that's so important because i feel so many people eat really late and then go to sleep straight away yeah so it's like a lot of people are eating at 8 p.m 9 p.m 10 p.m and then going to school straight to sleep yeah or sleeping after midnight obviously but you're actually saying we should a eat less in the evening yes and then of course you believe in sleeping early yes but the point is yeah okay that makes a lot of sense that makes a little sense tell me some of the things that i wanted to talk to you about was around another few tips on well-being and wellness that you think would be useful to people um well-being and wellness um okay so i definitely believe in meditating early in the morning because well throughout the day there are different energies that can affect you and so in the morning when before the ideally before the sun rises but before the sun rises is when you've still got the calming effect of the moon and so your mind is a lot more rested your mind is fresh because you've just woken up but also you haven't been affected by the like the world is still asleep like a lot of people are still asleep and so you don't have that much energy around you and so i feel if your mind is calmer and the sun hasn't risen sun actually brings about the energy of doing and going and get like getting things done whereas before the sun rises if you're able to meditate then you actually will get a deeper uh more focused meditation in the morning um another lifestyle tip i'd give is using a tongue scraper like that is so important in a western um in western culture it's not normal to use a tongue scrape i don't know if anyone's seen it but it's literally so simple it's like a copper or a metal um rod type thing which has huh it's like a u shape like a u shape that you can basically you scrape off all the it sounds gross but you scrape off all the toxins off your tongue in the morning and in the evening you can use it when you brush your teeth and actually the top if you end up swelling those toxins that can be the beginning of like toxins like the toxic toxins building up in your body and so using a tongue scraper is an ayurvedic must like you sh you have to use a tongue scraper you can get it off amazon you can get it everywhere it's just a really simple thing to avoid toxins building up in your body um and did you say one more yeah one more health tip i would or lifestyle tip i would recommend sleeping early um you know there's so much normal science behind it but even just to get a good amount of sleep before 12 o'clock i mean i've read so much about it but it really does rejuvenate you the quality of sleep that you get is so different um compared to sleeping really late um and doing on a regular basis it reduces your immune system um it makes you really groggy in the morning like i find that i really and if i have too many late nights for a long period of time i it really affects my immunity like i know i'm gonna get unwell or i'm gonna catch a cold and so sleeping early is also if you can there are a lot of people who can't because of jobs but if you can sleep early eat in the afternoon wake up early that's like the ideal situation yeah i love it yeah no really practical tips i think yeah the things that anyone and everyone can incorporate yeah i love those because they're just so universal it's not going to take someone a huge lifestyle change it's not going to cost anything like it's totally free to do all of these things you don't have to learn a lot like there's nothing to research like you know and and i know that you have because you are a dietitian and a nutritionist by qualification and by going to university et cetera so i do know that everything that you speak about is highly researched and focused but i love how good you are making it so simple and so like easy to understand and obviously if you want more tips etc you can go follow radhi after this and find out more about what she's posting about regularly i want you to tell me about why did health become so important to you because i know this for a fact that i really always focused on my mental health and my mind and for a long time mastering my mind was like one of my biggest focuses and that's that's where i spent a lot of my life and when i married radi she was very much focused not only on the mind but on the body more and when i say body i don't just mean in looking aesthetically good i mean feeling good being active being genuinely healthy beyond size or shape or any of that stuff and and that's really helped me in my personal life i know for a fact that i eat better i exercise more i take care of myself physically because of you and so i want you to tell me why you started to find health so important and then i want you to tell me a bit about your perspective on body shape size and our addiction to looking a certain way as opposed to feeling a certain way health became a really important part of my life because yeah i grew up i mentioned i grew up fairly overweight and at the beginning it was a lot more to do with changing the shape of my body i really wanted to lose weight and at that time i knew i didn't want to do anything too extreme like i i because i did my nutrition degree i understood and i'd heard a lot about how yo-yo dieting can really affect your metabolism and so for me i didn't want to do the extremes of like eating barely anything to then get trying to get back to a normal diet which i know i've seen people that's that they've done that and it ends up making you put on even more weight afterwards and hard to lose weight after that so i really wanted a healthy sustainable way of doing that and so i mean at the beginning it was at college and it was i mean at university and i started just cooking for me and my friends a lot at university because i lived out and yeah it was it was to be honest i kind of just fell into it through through the nutrition degree i ended up learning a lot more about it so i started cooking a lot more uh vegetables and i mean i grew up vegetarian and so my diet was also predominantly based on lentils and pulses and and vegetables and you know all the indian spices and flavors and so yeah that's where my health my this beginning of my health journey started was to lose weight and then like i said when i came into ayurveda and i started understanding that it just grew my passion for it a lot more but the this the inspiration for it was definitely through through weight loss but i knew i didn't want to do it in an unhealthy way and body image um yeah i think that's something growing up i always always thought that that to be healthy a good image of health was my image of my own health was based on other people's body shape or body size and looking around everybody around me i always used to think that okay for me to be healthy i needed to be slim like i needed to be very skinny and as i've grown up and i've i've been through my ups and downs with my way and with my journey of health i really realized that actually i've got to this point and when i feel the best like my version of health is when my organs feel like they're working and it's best when my skin feels incredible when my digestion feels great when my hair my nails you know all the all the indicators that i feel represent good health that i've learned is good health when those things are happening and also when my mind feels good like when do i feel at my most comfortable is it when i have is it when i'm a specific body shape or is it when i'm working out and i feel great about it or am i struggling to get myself to the gym because of the goal that i have like i feel fine if my goal is to lose weight then for me it's been really difficult to sustain it and and because i want to eat like i really enjoy eating i really enjoy eating different foods and and having a great balance in life and so for me it became more about how i feel and and how my whole body feels in different ways rather than it being an indication of different body sizes and body shape and i mean i love getting into it like i love i love working out and it's part of my day part of my routine on a daily basis and i don't believe that either end of the weight spectrum is healthy there are health conditions associated to both but i have realized that body trends change all the time like you know there's going to be a different body shape that's in fashion next week and the week after that and the month after that and the year after that but if i am constantly trying to change my shape according to that i'm not sure that that's what health means like there's so much more to what being healthy means than just body shape and body size um and so yeah i think that that's what it means to me i mean i've i've struggled with it growing up um but at the moment now after being through so much on that journey i really feel like that's what health means to me and that's where i feel the happiest when i'm thinking about health in that way yeah i love that answer it's so true i i grew up because i grew up overweight as well when i lost weight for the first time i believed that being skinny or being slim was health and then when i realized that it definitely wasn't because i went through my own health challenges i was just like oh wow like health doesn't mean just not eating fatty foods like which is really as basic and simplistic as my knowledge was for so long and so hearing you say that obviously having you coach me in my life every day is amazing i really value it it's changed my life for sure in terms of how i feel and what i eat and what i do and how i use my time so so thank you so much and and definitely if you follow rally afterwards you'll find so many great insights and more expert thoughts and practices that i think are genuine and practic you know they're practical for all of us and and that's what i love about them that what she's saying works for everyone the universal and it's not about getting a specific goal externally it's about getting a specific goal internally and i don't think there's anything i think it's incredible if someone wants to change that like i think it's incredible if someone has a goal of what they want their body to be sure but all i'm trying to say is that i don't think just body shape is an indication of health which i feel is is seen as health in a lot in a lot of ways like a lot of fitness pages or a lot of a lot of um exercise pages they show most of the body shapes are similar they are they are in a specific in a specific form in a specific shape and i just think it's incredible how beautifully unique everybody's body is and it's like that is the beauty of the world that everybody is so beautiful and everyone's so unique in their own way that why should everybody be aspiring for the same body shape why can't we all have our own individual shape and that be the beauty of it because yeah like trends change like face trends change body turns change um the way we speak changes our diet like you know our slang changes constantly i just think everything's changing so much that if we try and just focus on who we want to be and change according to our own motivation rather than other people's view or how we see other people that will make a big difference to our mental state as well which is the journey i'm still going on guys thank you so much for watching that video if you enjoyed it here's another one i think you'll love if you are getting crazy nervous on a date you're already that's already a reflection of the fact that you've valued the wrong things

Channel: Jay Shetty Podcast

Views: 539,236

Keywords: Jay Shetty, Jay Shetty Podcast, Jay Shetty Interview, On Purpose Podcast, Jay Shetty Inspiration, Jay Shetty Motivation, Jay Shetty Video, Self help, Self improvement, Self development, entrepreneur, success habits, purpose podcast, Jay Shetty relationships

Id: ObKzJVG0eOE

Length: 80min 39sec (4839 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 15 2022