Jay Shetty Interviews His Wife For The First Time | On Purpose Podcast Ep. 1

[Music] our first guest on the show is the number-one person in my life she's a vegan recipe developer a plant-based diet ition and an Ayurveda enthusiast hilarious fun and entertaining videos steal our hearts every single week on instagram and her recipes make our mouth water my first guest is none other than my wife my love my everything my soul Ravi de Luca Shetty thanks thanks I didn't aim to say that will make him food to say that thanks for doing this way thanks as your first guest we gonna talk about so as unifying what are the best things people always ask us wherever we are is it for brother and see yeah that happens all the time even if we're like holding hands or walking in a couple way people will be like hey you guys brother and sister you related and we're like is but that'll be really weird right now if we were related yeah holding hands when you're like lying on my shoulder on a plane yeah but definitely definitely not related no relation the eyes are not exactly the same color either the way we thought we'd do this is we are some of our friends yeah to pick out things that they think you don't like to know about us so I'm gonna go through the topics that we have here and so the first thing that they asked us to talk about is how did we meet okay so how did we meet don't tell the story no you did no ego you can do better okay we the first time I actually met Ravi was before I became a monk and I met her very briefly I thought she was beautiful and and and attractive but I didn't really think anything of it like I just I genuinely just was so focused on what I was doing at life at that time and I was so spiritually inclined and spiritually focused that I literally didn't think anything of it yeah my mom introduced me to you yes to tell that story yeah so actually I met Robbie's mom even before I met her yeah and so I was training to become a monk and I met rally's mom and I was asked to show her how to do a particular service at the temple so I had to take her around etc now the incredible thing about this is that that is the only time um while I was there that I was ever asked to show another person how to do this service so the one day that I had to show someone how to do this particular service this voluntary service at the temple it was one day that her mom turned up and at that time I didn't know she had a daughter I didn't know anything about this lady I was like oh she's around my mom's age yeah and and she was wonderful and and we got along but I was just showing her what to do and then literally didn't speak to no and then my mom wanted me to get more involved in and I really wanted to get more involved in like the spiritual side of my life and so she met him and wanted me to get introduced to the youth community there and so she passed on my number to you but you pass on to your sister yeah absolutely yes I pass it on to my sister I was like no I need to stay focused do my thing and my sister is very spiritually inclined to big shout out to Amy and and then yeah and then you guys got connected you became friends yeah and actually at that point my mama said to me oh you know I'm in this really nice really nice guy at the temple and she was like to me I'm offering mayhem I prayed and I was I hope my daughter meets somebody like this I know he's gonna be a monk but I hope she means someone that's like this because he seemed really nice little did he know what was gonna happen good and then never happen he became a monk I heard you speak oh I heard him speak all the time because he used to do lots of youth programs or university talks and sessions on philosophy meditation yeah philosophy meditation and I was just like oh my gosh he's such an incredible speaker and the way that he makes such incredible wisdom so relevant us who were like young teenagers or them yeah II know a teenager yeah I don't remember anything I barely remember things happened like two years ago so no I wasn't a teenager I was out of university which feels like a long time ago so I was in my 20s and yeah so I'm speaking I just I was so incredible how he was able to articulate such he has such deep wisdom in a way that was so relevant to people who were so young and and probably wouldn't have been so interested in reading a book about it and so I was in awe of him and he also looked really cool here like a bald head he didn't look like the type of person he was going to be speaking about these things yeah like tattoos and a bald head but then he was in robes and I said this is really really cool but weird at the same time yeah and then it was then when I left being a monk which is all story in itself we can talk about that another day when I when I left being a monk her my sister were really really close yeah and me and my sister are really really close I trust my sisters she's one of my best friends and I sat down with her one day and she said well you know what rather like someone and and I was just like oh who and I was think she was gonna say some other person she's like she really likes you and I was like oh I really like her like I'd love to get to know her better and we'd interacted we'd had we didn't know each other a bit better because we'd organize charity events together etc and so I'd seen her not in the role of being a girlfriend obviously or someone that I was dating I'd seen her interact with other people other other humans inside a project management organization organizing events so I'd seen her personality and like observed how she behaved around certain people how she had talked to people as she interacted with people and based on all those things I thought she was a great person so when my sister told me that I was secretly quite happy as well and I always heard about him through his sister and his sister would talk about him with so much love and affection and he treats her like she's his baby how old she gets she's literally like his baby and I used to see like conversations between oh my gosh she's so sweet like he sews me even though he's yeah he's gone off being a monk but he was still really really caring and loving towards towards his sister and his family and then yeah I told her that I liked him before before he knew about her before you'd probably even thought about it yeah yeah so that was it really that's how we met we almost met before I became a monk babe conversations never spoke but but I just seen each other in our own elements yeah and then when I left left being a monk you know later that year we started going out and that was around the towards the end of 2013 and then it just went really fast we both we both kind of as soon as we spoke about it we both knew that we wanted to be with each other and we were really certain about it and it could have gone really wrong but we were like we could have both been really crazy but it ended up just working out we both really had kind of understood each other just by observing one another I guess and there were few surprises I'm sure but we yeah we got along straightaway and we were both pretty much went from yeah I really like you too yeah love you in like a day and then it was like yeah we want to get married in like a week and then we didn't get married in a week but we wanted to we said we wanted to get married eventually in a week after that and then we ended up spending a lot of time at each other's homes right he was spending a lot of time at my house for ages I mean that's pretty much where I took him to have all of our dates because I loved being around my family and I was like best of both worlds I can be around the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with and the people that I've spent most of my life with and so yeah most of our dates would would involve my parents and my sister and my brother in order of the time and so we got to know each other kind of in our own environments as well really fast which I think helped us fast forward a lot easier yeah absolutely and I remember that my sister gave me like an action plan she's like this is what you're gonna get along on this is what you're gonna struggle is gonna be a challenges and and I definitely already had to bring us together yeah she was a huge party was us being together my sister definitely and and she was like she because she knows me so well and I feel she got to know you as well she was just like this is what you guys are gonna agree on this is what you're not gonna agree on this it yeah it was just it was so nice to have that yeah because you could go into a relationship having more understanding of the other person can I just say one of the things she said that we wouldn't get along on is Bollywood because I loved Bollywood songs in firms at the time but like a good bollywood song question question question I decided to get over yeah but yeah we spent a lot of time in each other's parents homes and with our families which was great because you had to be yourself I used to love what your mom used to tell you mine is so funny so obviously like it was a person to her that was you know we were dating and so usually you'd put in a lot of effort in the way that you dress and doing your hair when the person you're dating comes over but yeah I would literally be in the same clothes that I was wearing like the whole day which was pretty much like pajama bottoms and and really scruffy top and my mum would be like do you know when a maybe you know put a different top on or you don't want to change your trousers like no mom if he can't love me in what I'm wearing right now which is what he's probably gonna see mean for the rest of his life then it's just not meant to be okay we had like he has to love me for and she would okay but you could try you know that okay anyway yeah and she's so beautiful and cute like even when she's dressed all hobo chic I'm just like I love it yeah and and it's quite nice actually life I I genuinely believe this like I've I've rarely see her with makeup on yes and so it's it's fun when you when you fall in love with someone based on who they are and their personality and their energy and all of that beauty shines through so yeah I love you so that leads us nicely onto the next point that our friends wanted to discuss which is what's the key to starting off a relationship well what's the key like what's the key to starting off well so one thing for me was was this that because we didn't see each other in dating environments yeah a lot I feel like dating environments put this pressure of being in an interview so I compared dates to interviews it's almost like you have to put your best foot forward you wear your best clothes you try and say all the best things and even if it's not the best actually it's us trying to be right and that's what we do in interviews when you go and interview for a job it's like you want to be the right fit for that person yeah and that's what happens in a dating scenario like you're sitting opposite a desk just like you're doing an interview and then someone's asking you a question and you're like okay well what do I have to say to make them like me or to say the right thing whereas we didn't really get to do that no and I'm not saying that that was a conscious choice but now when I look back at it and I reflect on it and introspect and I'm like we didn't really get an opportunity to date in that sense and that means that I got exposed the real her either by seeing her in a charity organization seeing her in a real life scenario how does she treat normal people and then how she's with her family and I'm like that's the best view you can get off someone and so when I look at that in terms of giving advice or tips or whatever my recommendation is be around people that you're thinking about being with in an environment where they're just being themselves yeah because chances are if you like them the way they are when they are with other people then you're likely to love them when they're with you too and so often we only see people that we are considering being romantic with or dating etc we only see them in dates and dinners and movie nights and whatever it is right yeah I agree I feel like you see and I've also seen people with the people that they're closest to because you can't really fake it with the people that you're closest to I mean if you can you can do it for a really short period of time and you also end up seeing them being probably at their worst and at their best because you can be the most loving to your family but you can also be the worst person towards your family because they're the ones that accept it and so yeah I feel like you get a good image of who the person is through through interacting with them that way yeah good point thanks les he said it's true yeah and and the other thing is I sure when we first got together I'd left being a monk probably like seven months before so it'd been like a seven month gap and I didn't have a job I had yeah I had no job I had no money now is getting rejected left right center from every single place that I was applying to because I'd been a monk for three years and no one wanted to hire someone who had monk written on their resume like no one's like oh yeah I would love your transferable skills do you know and so oh you can meditate for four hours great we need that in our organization so it was just there was no I had nothing really yeah and that's a great way to start dating someone because there's very I ruin vice to save up so I used to like crime work PI time and I was doing everything I could teetering I was tutoring so I would like I'd be tutoring young people for their exams or university exams etc and I would be making like in a fifteen pounds an hour or whatever it was and I remember I'd save up so I could take her out on a date at the end of the month and so that we could do something fun and and I loved the fact I loved that because I met her at a time when when I had nothing and she accepted me for it and yeah I love her for that and also her parents were always really cool about it so sometimes that can be a big pressure from parents and expectations but her parents were really cool about it they never made me feel uncomfortable about it or anything and my parents obviously were very comfortable with me they were just like follow your heart do what's right for you very very encouraging and I'm not I don't come from a well-off background at all or anything so it's not that I had a back-up plan well my parents were still very very encouraging and supportive yeah I I that was never in my mind to be honest I was I knew I wanted to be with you and so I was like to my mom even if we end up living in a really tiny house just by like near the temple that I used to go to and just I know that I want to spend my life with him so whatever ends up being and you are really really enthusiastic and you're so much purpose and even from the beginning like you were so driven to do whatever you wanted to do I didn't know what that was at the time but you were so driven that I just knew whatever it was whenever we were meant to be was what was going to happen and so and I knew you would never you're always gonna be there to take care of me and I felt that from the beginning like I always felt supported you in a hard hands yet I'm not good at PDA so I'm gonna not do that yes that was it was it was really nice and I feel like he had a lot of the qualities that I always felt I would always grow up saying I really want a husband that was like my dad like I love my dad and he was always someone that I felt very protected and supported by and so I definitely now looking back at it I felt those qualities in him as I got to know him and so I thought yeah that was that was nice and my parents yeah my parents my person Carrie that I always thought it would be you know you always think in Indian families that's gonna be an issue but they loved him from the start he's got really good I don't know if you guys have noticed but he's got a really good way of saying things and and winning people over by his words so really I know that's why he's genuine and I see so from those interactions I think my parents trusted him very easily as well I really get along with your parents I know yeah and it was so great for me because amy was already like my sister and me and your mom got along straightaway because we bonded over food and so yeah it was really easy for us both to join into each family yeah another thing I think that's really important at a start of a relationship is self-awareness and setting expectations so I feel that having done the work as a monk and having been through that experience myself I'd gained so much self-awareness so I was really aware of what type of partner I needed in my life I was really aware of what I needed in my life to flourish to thrive and so when I met someone it was very easy for me it was very easy and simple for me to communicate my expectations to her and be like I remember one of the things I said and this is not offensive at all it's it's genuinely how I felt at the time and I said that if you want a husband who goes to Ikea on the weekends and and to the cinema like I'm not that guy and I didn't mean that as a bad thing if anyone is that what I meant that as is I want to be someone who lives a life of purpose and I want my life to be about service and I want my life to have an impact on people's lives and I need a partner that's gonna understand that embrace that and roll with that as well and wants to live not a normal life because that wasn't gonna work for me if I really wanted to have an impact if I really wanted to make a difference if I really wanted to serve and so that wasn't an ego thing it wasn't me thinking I'm I'm better or above or special it was me saying this is a priority for me and I don't need it to be your priority but I need you to understand it to be mine and I think this is really important that we should feel that if we're genuinely committed to something when you make someone aware and same back from her side too like when she and she'll share hers but when she's made me aware of what her priorities are what's important to her you start respecting what's important to the other person rather than expecting them to trade theirs right and that's usually what happens in relationships in the beginning is instead of showing respect for the other people's passion you expect them to change their passion for yours more compromise and be excited about your stuff and and I don't think that that's the right way I think it's us being clear about ourselves communicating that and then respecting what the other person communicates I think we discussed that really early on actually yeah just to be clear he has come to I care with me on the weekends but you know I understood the point of it and I remember at that time when he was really pushing for what he wanted to do he was very very busy and so there were certain things I mean he spent a lot of time with me and my family but we had just agreed that look if there was extended things that I had to go do because with families there's always other things that you have to go to like family friends or relatives houses for every event possible and if that happened then I knew that I was okay with him not coming to them and I said that Tim from the beginning if you need to go and do something which is I know for you more important not because food for the purpose that you want to live then I totally understand that comes above you just coming to another party which people are not probably going to remember like it's it's okay and I think that was really actually really important for us because you can always hear what other people say like family members or friends or whatever we'll always have a different opinion and so as long as you feel like you have discussed it and you really understand that person's point of view then you don't feel kind of it doesn't rub off on you when people say things because you understand it deeply whereas if you don't then I think it's really easy to get swayed by other people's view of for other people's way of relationships or whatever is like you can get that can rub off on you very easily but if you really understand that person and why they're doing it I think that can make a big difference to you supporting them in why then why they're doing it thank you this holding hands thing we had and we had to you know realize and I really appreciated that from her like I I really valued that because it wasn't about seeing something as less it was about seeing something as a priority for me yeah and and having someone who understood that and trusted me and and allow me to have that space strengthened us and we also very quickly became our we became a team yeah so when it came to our families were like demands and for anyone who's from an Asian family or an Indian family knows that it's a big deal it's a big deal family is a big deal and it's very involved in a relationship and I remember saying to her really early on I was like it's me and you like we're a team like it's us and and we have to think like that because we've got to wake up next to each other every single day in our lives we've got to go to sleep together with each other every day of our lives we've got to be in each others face in space every single day each other when life hurts it's us we have to be a team and and then very quickly like I found that when when it was anything to do with my family or my commitments etc then I would have her back yeah and ever she was anywhere and it was about me she would have my back and that built like a really strong bond early on yeah and even if we wanted to discuss it between us and we had a different opinion to the other person at least to the like people that we were speaking to if we had each other's back the other person felt supported and and comforted by that whereas I feel if you're yeah it's just so hard to fight that battle between between the person that you love and like the people that you spend your whole life with but I think when you know you're going to when you understand the reason behind it I just yeah I keep coming back to that but I really think they make such a difference yeah I remember earlier on in our relationship when we were talking about spending time with each other's family or even each other you said something to me which is stuck with me for a really long time so now ya know it was really good he was saying how you know we can spend so much quantity of time with people and it can be spent doing so many different things you with each other but you're actually doing like okay you're watching a film or you're on your phones or you're spending the whole day together but how much are you actually interacting with each other and so I really loved that he would always choose quality time over necessarily over like quantity so even if he's spending a short amount of time with me or my family or my friends he would always make sure he's got like they've got his full attention like he would really make them feel and he genuinely felt that way that he was investing his for self into that moment and I think that make such a difference I never understood that at the time because it was always like you know when you're spending time with family it's just family time but it really made me think about how I spend time with people rather than the amount of time I spend time with people and as I've seen you do that while we've been together I just think I've noticed how much people appreciate your full attention and how deeply you connected them even in such a short pace space of time whereas I've been like the type of person who can spend an hour with someone and my mind can be somewhere else and it's a training though is it's a training thing definitely and I've learned that from you but it's an incredible quality to have to be able to invest your full self into a conversation or a person and that's why like he it's actually really knowing but he remembers everything like he remembers everybody's name everything I said like five weeks ago everything I was wearing like it's an amazing quality but it can also be very annoying because I don't have that memory so he said no you said this like three weeks ago like no I didn't but I don't have like a book that I write things down and so I have to take his word for it but yeah five hours a day guys five five almonds yes nice my mom would tell me but no I thank you I really appreciate ya and and you know she'll always make an effort and this is where it comes to using your skills and talents like she'd always make an effort to like cook amazing stuff for my family I remember when you made my sister a minion cake oh yeah that took me a day and a half I look so and I love minions too so it was it was so cute and and my mum still remembers the first taught you ever made when I first came it's just it's those things so you know using your talents using your skills and and people appreciate that even more than like taking a week or taking time like using that quantity but the quality of a thought yeah right even when people say like it's the thought that counts it's not it's the quality of the thought that's like that's that's where we make an impact in people's lives third topic that our friends want us to discuss is love languages and realizing and recognizing our own love languages and the love languages of someone else so if you don't know what the love languages I it's a great book by Gary Chapman and I've made lots of videos on it so there are five love languages and the five love languages are quality time touch words of affirmation acts of service and gifts so all of us have multiple love languages but we have a priority a hierarchy order and we both mostly value one or two as our top love languages and everyone has them so you can think about yours as well this was an interesting lesson for me in relationship it took a while to get there yeah definitely took a while it did and we got it really wrong yeah for a long time right it was it was definitely been a journey for sure because you always end up trying to give the person what you want like it's it's such a natural thing I forgot it's your show yeah no no I'm just saying that it's so I'm just thinking about it back because I'm think about all the things I got wrong but it's so easy to always want to give other people what you love receiving or what you love doing for that person like and I feel like your love languages can be different and what you like giving to other people and what you like receiving from other people like I love cooking for people and I really appreciate a good meal but I wouldn't necessarily say that that's my way of showing love it's not necessarily my way that I feel love given to me and yeah I think it took a lot of trial and error yeah it was a serious experiment going on for couple years yeah and she and she's holding back right now but literally is hilarious like she's she's the funniest person I know she makes me laugh the most don't be nervous right yeah and she's getting into you go find some stories and instruments but when I when I first met her and when you see her you like she's the elegant oh yeah he's elegant graceful young woman and and I was just like and I was just like okay so maybe she likes like like grand gestures and elegant posh places like that's what I thought and this just shows us how a the media makes us assume what people like or we based on how someone appears we assume what they like and so that's what I did I got it completely wrong and I remember organizing our first date we went to watch a theatre show which was actually really fun and then we went to this restaurant that I booked and his restaurants called Lokhande Locatelli which he must have like tooted for about a month to afford that one day day yeah yeah it was expensive and this restaurant is like highly in demand like David Beckham goes there and it's it's one of these you know very posh very grand restaurant I thought that's what I needed to do and I was totally wrong like we said she looks so I'll interested in this and I do wear heels and I don't wear heels like literally it was like I was in a dress I wouldn't normally wear because I thought that's what he wanted so I was literally and like a dress that like a really girly dress which I wouldn't normally wear and heels which I normally wouldn't wear and so we were staying in this restaurant and I was really hungry at the end of it and I said to him at the end I was like look even if you just take me on a walk in a really good supermarket or what do they call a hair grocery store grocery store supermarket I was like that is like the most epic day you could take me on and get me a few treats from Micra from the shelves we'll go down the gluten-free vegan aisle that would be the best day and so after that I think you kind of start understanding I think I still get it wrong and this is my point like we all get stuff wrong because of previous experiences the media what we think and I just kept I got it wrong for a while because I just kept thinking and then I was like okay she likes food okay let's then I better at a moment where it's like oh she likes fruits then all I did was buy her cards with food puns and food I really like and then we only went to like food places for all our dates I Stein DX listen you did you take me on a date where we went cooking yeah but yeah we did take a lot even when I was and he's a gifts person yeah so I'm gifts and words of affirmation and I think I'm definitely words of affirmation and quality time maybe quality time do you like yeah do that quality time I think that MIT yes again and yeah you were saying you like yes yeah so I like I'm not so much of a gift person I don't think I ever really have been even like on my birthdays and stuff like all I really remember growing up is my dad would just take a day off and spend that time with me and I used to just love that aspect of it rather than the gifts I do like gifts but they're just not my main thing and so I always trying to buy a gift for you and he wanted like an iPad type thing I thought we wanted an iPad type thing and so I was like looking at a tablet I thought we were in the tablet and so I was literally looking around for the best spec and like really really good like details of whatever was good and also a good price because obviously like a good bargain is is you need that if you could draw you need a good bargain and so I was looking around and I found this amazing Asus tablet and Asus is a good brand everybody and so I thought look this looks like a really good one let me buy it got it packed it up gave it to him I have never seen disappointment like so bad in my life from opening a gift because when he says he wants in like a tablet he wanted an iPad and so I learned that he likes really like good quality gifts which I probably still haven't got no eyes on guests but last year she organized the most incredible surprise birthday place I've loved surprises and this is another thing about our childhood it's it was I've loved surprises since I was a kid as my mom would always surprise me a birthday and so I'd really encourage you to reflect on where your preferences and priorities and things that you love get love where does that come from so for me my love for surprises in life and in everything comes from my mom surprising them at me and I've never as you grow up surprises become harder and harder to do for people and last year she organized the most epic birthday surprise ever so it happened two months after my birthday so I was new at all she told me she was like cooking and catering for a friend's event she was cooking this whole week like working so hard and all of this stuff and I'm just like how important is this Friday because she was going through extreme lengths and I was like wow like she's really dedicated to this friend and I was cool like I appreciated it as I loved seeing her in her element and loving cooking for someone that she loves and those beautiful and then I think I'm going to an event with my manager and my team the same night so I'm like oh sorry I won't be able to make it to your event etc like on both issues but that have fun like I hope it goes really really well and then I turn up I opened the door to this event and it's like all of my friends from LA like everyone that I love everyone that really loves and believes in me like they were all there everyone showed up she made sure that literally every single person that I care about was there it was like a stalker girlfriend looking through his phone at everyone that he mentioned let me get that person's email address yeah and literally it was just it was genuinely after my wedding after that the best thing that's ever happened to me like he was that good it was just amazing like it was the most beautiful event it was really hard for we had an illusionist I love magicians and illusionist had an incredible show an incredible DJ playing violin - some of my favorite songs all my favorite people were there from from LA specifically because it was in LA and I just I was just so blown away like genuinely I was like speechless for the first time in my life because she'd completely outdone any expectation I could have ever had which was the hardest thing ever for me because it was the first moment to show him that I really understood his love language and also like the effort that goes that that you go through to make something like that happen when I had no idea until I actually started going through it and usually I would get to a point where I would find like a obstacle and I'll be like you know what it's just I'll just take him somewhere instead forget it I don't need to do this but he puts in a lot of thought into a lot of the dates that he plans and so I really really wanted to show him that I liked that I really understand it and like that I've observed things about him and I really know it's what he loves and appreciates and so it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life like it was so hard Pat I'm not a planner I'm not good at organizing I'm I'm just it's not not my like I would say it's my top three skills there to say that but I was just so happy that I did it because and it was genuinely like the love that I have Fame is there anything that got me through it because otherwise I would have just basically never called me for party planning never because and she cooked for everyone to see I did yes in 2007 there were like 80 people there it was amazing and I'm so grateful to you for doing that literally is the best I'm glad you liked it thank god it's imagine you hated it no I loved it I loved it was amazing and it was just it was incredible and it just shows like we've been together now for nearly six years yeah and it takes time to learn about it so there it takes time to grow each other but the point is are you waking up enthusiastic and energetic every day to fall in love with that person again like that's the question you have to ask yourself like are you looking for more reasons to get that person to change for you or are you looking for more reasons to be like no I want us to fall more in love I want us to learn about each other I want to give more to you every day I want to be better for you every day or are you looking for how that person can be better for you and if it's the other way around then most likely that relationships not going to last too long or it's gonna be very one-way but if it's like how can I be better for that person every single day and it may take time and it has taken us time yeah to completely understand each other more etc and we've been through a line I want to get to that as well but that you know it takes time and it's okay as long as you're waking up every day with that the intention with that motive of that desire yeah I definitely think it's about what you feel you're bringing to the other person rather than what you feel you can get from the other person I think that makes such a difference because when both people do that yeah when both people do that when you feel like okay well this is what I can provide like and I love what you say about everyone having different skills because even in a relationship I think I have such we are very different in a lot of ways in majority of the ways we're very different today we totally do yeah and so instead of seeing that as things that are taking us apart from each other I think we really tried to say okay cool I love being in the kitchen for example and you're really good at doing all the math stuff to do with bills and I really don't want to do that and so instead of trying to be like oh no we should be equal in like you know doing this and doing that no let's just play to our strengths and I think that made a huge difference because I didn't feel pressure to do things which I really don't feel comfortable doing if I had to do them I would have but thankfully we both kind of are good at areas which the other person is maybe not so good at yeah and so we just played to our strengths and and we weren't annoyed at the other person for not being able to do those things we just understood that we have skills in different areas and we can contribute to the relationship with those skills rather than trying to be like all rounders in all areas which doesn't work for us and and the key to that I love that and the key to that is valuing what the other person brings as equal equal yeah right so it's like it's not saying oh if your skill is different to mine but my skill does this like my skill fulfills this or my skill sorts this out like that's more important and I think that's where it gets hard where we either try to equalize our skills which I agree with you is not a good idea its latest trends or the opposite thing people do is they do their skill but then they think their skill adds more value to the relationship and I think that again just ruins it like you say you're on a team like when you look at a sports team one player can't say I'm more important than the rest of the team it's a team game in it I'm gonna try and do a food and yeah I'm trying to give a food and one ingredient can't be like the other ingredient I'm more important than you yes yeah because you need all of the salt no but still but yeah okay yeah give you that you can't have one ingredient that's more important than the other ingredient and yes yeah I totally agree no I agree you didn't you did great it was a great food analogy but I remembered this actually because when we I've been a housewife for a while like I I stay at work from home and I'm studying and stuff so I remember from home I work from home but I still I was in yeah I'm more of a housewife than I am working and so and I love that I love doing I love cooking and I love doing all the things that I do do but when we were in New York I remember he was working at that time for Huffington Post so he was out most of the day and he would just come back in the evening and he would come back and I would have just finished cooking and he would always be like oh like can I do anything for you can I wash up like you've been working hard all day and that for me was such a big thing because it's like actually in my mind was like he's been working hard all day but he would come home and ask me if I needed a massage or if I wanted him to wash up or do anything in the house and like a lot of people think that that should just be a given like oh like yeah I've been doing the house stuff all day so come home and you should be washing the dishes but I just think actually if you see is that's such a sweet thing for him to have done in my eyes because he could not do that we could all just not do a lot of things but if we put in that extra bit of effort and show that person that I value you and what you're doing just as much as I value I'm doing like people you know going to work seems like you're going out and doing the hard work but you also saw that I was doing the washing or the cleaning or the cooking and you valued it in the same way as going to work and I thought that was a really yeah that was a there was a big thing for me and he's been like that the whole time so I think it's the same I think for me as well like she was so good at doing that I could put our heart into it right it wasn't just doing it and I think that's the point here it's it's not about doing the activity it's about putting your heart into it like you would always be like oh let me here's the like the other day I was just we just got back from India and when I'm in India I eat doses a lot of doses are incredible if you know their life don't know they all go get a dosa yes and I love them and I was literally just like Tesla I miss doses every day oh she ordered a dosa maker and we're dosas terribly wrong everyone terribly wrong but still I loved it like it was is the love in it and I think that's the same you know she believes in cooking with devotion and seasoning with love and for me she lives that every single day like there's not a day when I don't feel like food is an offering of love so then you can't help but value it like it's not you're after it's not hard it's not hard to value it thanks but yeah this game bit sweet isn't it I know why don't you change yeah I'm living a deal to make money see I'm the romantic in there yeah she's the comedy this is always the case like my his cards to me this is a rom-com yes whose cards to me I like the sweetest really genuine from the heart and my cards are like funny weird poems that I like I really like your face you don't know how to make cake like literally those are the first of all my cards were like I don't think I think maybe one out of 16 cards were maybe somewhat like sweet and loving but otherwise yeah I've always been the jokester and you generally are the sweet one you are yeah you are there's a I'm gonna live up to my live up to my romantic tag in this relationship I always say this to her because I mean it and it's I don't know who said it but it's it's beautiful and it said that they said oh no I know why you say everybody cue the keeper romantic music and the tissues anybody if you they said if you wanna have to fall in love with you you have to make a laugh but now every time she laughs I'm the one who falls in love and I'm pretty sure that's from a grime artist in London in some sort of a rap song it's great really topic number four what's your favorite thing to do together so our friends wanted to us to discuss this is easy what's our favorite thing to do together eat know that's my favorite what's our favorite thing to do together I had easy answer okay I like what do we like what do we like to do together come on whose activities and experiences oh it was like a specific one no late activities yeah we loved doing that like escape rooms and we went to a virtual reality escape from everyday we were on a hike oh thanks we go on hikes and we just love doing mere experiences you're right experiences and activities yes we do try and do like we've gone through the thing of where we try and go shopping together or movies and stuff but we generally find we have a lot more fun when we're doing activities where we're contributing to something together like one of the first dates we went almost go ape and so anyone who doesn't know what go ape is go ape is like a assault course hmm but in the air yes oh you like swinging around it's like Tarzan kind of stuff and and we loved it because he was just like it was active we're both doing stuff together they're helping each other out we love escape rooms even though there are times I think we've evolved yeah I'd like the first time I went on an escape to an escape room with him I was like we are never doing this again because I'm so relaxed and I was like oh you know if we win it's fine if we don't win it's this like you know we participated and that's what angry but you're like very enthusiastic and so I'm sitting on the chair like were meant to be escaping a prison and I'm just sitting there with like a hammer in my hand and he's like looking around everywhere trying to search for her he's like why are you not helping and then the trapdoor opens because she like now realized trust her so we did that recently and I trusted it and it was good and I actually got quiet activities and experiences getting outdoors yeah doing stuff together solving puzzles something that engages us in talking just nothing doing achieving something together is a great yeah I think even coming together when you when we went for that cooking class for example like we cooked a meal together like that was fun and then we ate it when you when you create together yeah it's such a special experience yeah and I say to it and I think that more of us should find time with our other heart so even people who are dating or getting to know to create together mm-hmm you just learn more about the person it's so much quicker so much we've also started spending a lot of time because of how our schedules work sometimes we end up just spending time together where we're just catching up and talking which actually is quite nice because we didn't use to do that and if they used to get us to a point where we felt like we maybe didn't know each other as long as we wanted to or understand each other as well as we wanted to but now we we do take our time to just yeah like catch up and and ask the other person about what's going on me more so than him he used to do this anyway and by now I'm asking a lot more questions and I'm we really tried to invest our interest into the other person which is great yeah and we love meditating together and we love going to get vegan doughnuts together so yes that's true so I'm gonna go to meditation but literally when we met I used to teach her philosophy and meditation and I say this all the time she's now a better meditator than me she's more serious she's more focused she's more sincere she's more devoted it's amazing like being able to have that in my life is so powerful and that I put above anyone bringing in conscious spiritual intention and energy into a relationship that's above someone bringing money that's above someone bringing anything else like that's just the most powerful thing that you can bring into a relationship because it's it's helping you eternally it's helping you for the rest of your life and I think it's undervalued of how much bringing positive beautiful spiritual energy is into a relationship and you've been doing that since day one in our relationship like she literally for the first I think first few years we were dating she was like waking up at 4 a.m. and going to meditate with the monks every morning right like with the community and and she did that like while she was working a job while she was planning our wedding while she was working at the hospital etc and all the rest of it and so I feel that you've prioritized your spiritual practices so highly and I love you for that and it's made such a difference in our relationship and for me it's like what can I do to let you keep having that like what can I do to keep letting you be that light in our life because that's something that you come by like you can't you can't buy that anywhere you can't just make that happen anywhere and and I value that more than any other contribution and I know sir I did I let I actually lent away from him like he him and my mom have been like the to my grandma they've been the people who have really been the key factors of spiritual in my life and obviously my spiritual teacher too but yeah he he has really shown me what leading a spiritual path and really focusing on it what you can actually become from it I think that's a great motivation because all the qualities and everything that he is now that's positive has come from the time when he was a monk I think would you agree yeah and yeah I just really feel that seeing someone live it after they've really gone through an intense period of being in a spiritual mindset you know intense spiritual mindset for that longer period I really see those qualities in him day to day and how he reacts to things day to day is is the product of his hard work that he's put in during that time and I think that's a great motivation for me because I'm just that what I want to see life in that way like I want to see situations in that way or react to people in that way or interact with people in this way and I think everything has been from that time in your life and so yeah I really think he's been a great inspiration for me in that area and I just know that that's what brings me the most happiness and when I don't do those practices I know is every part of my life suffering so I know that if I really feel like I'm not dedicating enough time to my spiritual practices then I'm a lost nap here with you and I'm a lot like my relationship suffer my quality of like the rest of the day just doesn't feel like it's got as much quality as it could have I haven't got the most out of the rest of my day because I haven't prioritized myself my soul and like my connection to God at at the beginning of the day and for me that's so important and so yeah I think it really I have it definitely does impact relationships well my relationships around me if I don't have that in my life consistently and with quality I think it makes a huge difference yeah it's like your relationship to your spiritual practice is the most important relationship because of that relationship being right filters and everything else completely how I feel in my spiritual practice is how I end up feeling towards other people around me and so if I don't feel like I put my best into that and I know it filters through everywhere else and I've observed that in myself and so I think for the sanity of everyone around me I have to make sure I do it too because it's not just me it affects affects everybody I come into contact with because I'm a product of that I feel ya doin I did anything on that no I think I'm good yeah alright next thing is what's your favorite thing about each other oh I feel like we've said it enough now you know yeah I know I'm checking out a key we got yeah we've said a lot I have to say one thing I wanna say one thing I think one of my favorite the favorite thing about you is how you see things how you see situations like they say that with a monk mindset you should be able to see things very cool Quinn what's the word equipoised equilibrium equipoise unity equanimity I always get that word wrong so when you whether something goes bad or something goes good you're able to have a very like neutral mindset to that situation and not get too excited when things go really really well and not get too sad when things get really bad and I think from all the ups and downs that we've been through whether it's with your career or whatever it's been every time something goes wrong even if like you miss a plane whatever is he never gets to a point where he said oh my gosh this is the worst thing ever which is my usual reaction to like before would have been my usual reaction to things he is always just like it is part of the plan like this just makes the story so much better and I just really appreciate that because it's made me not overreact and made me see perspective in so many situations and made me realize that actually yeah like that quality of and he doesn't get too excited anything good that happens like whether he wins Awards or whatever like the coolest thing may happen and he never gets too excited like he appreciates it and he just you know in his mind he prays and offers it back to his spiritual teacher and I just think it's such a deep practice to have to not get too excited and and bask in your successes basket yeah yeah and not be too sad and and like kind of sit in your sadness for too long and I think he really has that great balance of being able to snap out of things and seeing things he doesn't have to snap out of it he just doesn't see in that way like he's trained his mind to see things in a way where everything is just part of the journey and nothing is up up up and down up and down up and down all quite like it like a little wave rather than like a tide say yeah thanks I really appreciate that yeah and as is so easy anyone who's met her already knows this literally like every one of my friends I introduced it they they fall in love with her and become best friends in there and then I'm third-wheeling all of a sudden yeah and I love that like it's the best feeling in the world that everyone I introduced her to ever and she meets she just has this pure genuine light and all I'm like in life is like don't screw that up like termers that up like they let her be that light they just let her be what she is and you know how our parents have raised her like how her grandmother's had an impact on her like everything she has like her spiritual teacher her spirituality everything that she has like it's so pure and genuine and and full of love like I always tell her she's she's like the best person I've met and and I just want you know I just want everyone to experience that like that's I want everyone to express and that's probably why we're doing this this podcast is because I want everyone to experience that there are people in the world who just have no agendas that all love their are being loved at all times that don't have any like negative motive towards anyone or don't want to have like any or jealousy or bring someone else down to feel better and and I think she has that in abundance and everyone feels it like as soon as she walks into a room she lights it up with her presence and energy and that doesn't mean like being the loudest person in the room she's rarely that it doesn't mean being the most talkative person it just means being that energy and I know all of you who know her know that and feel it and and I get the feeling every day it's not I mean anything that's true but things I do I do love I've just realized come I mean I've been through so many ups and downs of my own journey of you know jealousy and whatever it is and not being that person for people and not being someone who can helps to can be the joy for somebody else but going through that and coming out the other end through a lot of journaling I've talked about this before and and a lot of introspection I just realized I actually get so much more joy of being other people's joy like I love making people laugh I love making people you loved and I love making people feel like they're cared for and and looked after and whatever is I love I never realize actually it's more of a selfish thing because I love doing that for other people I get the joy out of it and so yeah I think if you can light up someone's life in some small way or like make someone laugh you just never know what they're going through and so anything is such a sweet thing to share and give out to someone there you can give a lot of things up but if you're able to give love and unhappiness to someone in a small way every single day like it's such a beautiful it's a gift like it's such a sweet gift to give out to people so I'm grateful that I'm able to do that for you sometimes and for other people thank you sorry guys I do an American accent whenever I'm like it's probably the worst American accent them you guys have heard but I do accents yeah I love her accent yeah okay next thing is do you fight and how do you deal with that conflict yeah we fight we fight we do fight but I mean I have to say fights don't last that long with us mm-hmm I think that's probably the key thing like we have been through especially when we weren't understanding each other's love languages especially when I wasn't understanding him more so than the other way around when we argued my thing would be shutting down and not wanting to speak about it and like not communicating and answering phone calls and for him it would be like no I want to talk about it and I want to get through it and let's like let's really discuss everything and at the time I just felt like for me I was like no I need space but the more I've accepted the way that he likes to resolve things the more I realize that actually it so makes so much more sense because yeah you mainly space for a short period of time but unless you talk through and process it together you never get over that and then it's brought up in the next argument and their argument after that and argument after that whereas if you're able to really sit down and work through whatever even if it's a really small issue like picking your shoes up from in front of the door which is something we've spoken about a few times but even with something as small as that and just discussing in explaining okay fine this makes me feel like you don't value me because who else are you expecting to pick up the shoes for example it's a mutual thing I leave my shoes that day but I'm just saying even if you bro get down to that level of saying actually it's not the action it's what I feel you're thinking when you're doing that action and so it's it usually isn't the action it's usually not what the person is done it's usually how it makes you feel from that person's action if that makes sense that makes looks great and so I think breaking it down to that level of the feeling you're getting from that person by him doing that or by her doing that actually resolves the issue so much faster and that has been completely you because he really we we were never we've never slept really on an argument we've at least discussed it before and I really really believe in that I heard it so much but the more we've argued and the more we've resolved it before we've gone to sleep like the next morning we are fresh and ready to go like nothing's happened and not because we're ignoring it and not because we're pretending like it didn't happen and we've brushed it under the rug but because we have really talked about it and try to understand it from each other's point of view and I think I really think that's made such a big difference to the way we argue yeah I think that's a great point that's such an important point I think the point around it's not about the action that hurts it's about how that action makes someone feel it's so much more important because sometimes I'm doing something really small I'm getting it wrong but I'm like why it's so small but then she's like no it's big and I'm like well how is it big and then she's like because this how it makes me feel I'm like oh that is big right and then I have that moment it's like aha like the penny drops and oh okay it's big it's not small again because you're only doing things to like it's not like you're doing intentionally okay also and it's also understanding that aspect of it like saying that I and always reminding yourself that if you know that person loves you then they are never going to be doing things to intentionally like prod at you or intentionally make you feel a negative emotion and and if we are doing them then we should be very aware of it and sometimes saying things like remarks of that are in a sarcastic tone or whatever actually those things can build up and you feel like you're saying in a jokey way I used to do that all the time saying things in like a sarcastic funny way to try and get a point across to you but now I realized I actually just asking you in a polite way in a sweet way in a loving way can I have so much more impact than me sarcastically throwing something and yeah so I think the way that we say things and the thought behind it actually makes such a difference and now I know like whenever you do anything even if it's small when I process it in my mind before I say a lot of things to you and actually it goes away because I'm like I know the intention is not that and if I do want you to do something then I'll just ask you politely and I've noticed the difference that it makes in in the way that we speak to each other when we think about it and process it like that rather than rather than just shouting out whatever comes into our mind like that's not that's not gonna help like not being able to control what's coming out of your mouth yeah and anyone who says they don't argue isn't true like everyone argues mm-hmm everyone fights everyone has disagreements and they're good and they're good to work through because disagreements usually just arise because we all have different upbringings we all have different backgrounds were raised differently we're raised in different amounts of space were raised in differently in terms of responsibilities and so now you bring two different people with two different responsibilities together and if you don't argue about it you don't disagree about if you don't talk it out then all you do like she said is you just end up living the same thing again and again and again it's really important to draw boundaries as well like recognizing like this these are some things that really annoy me like to say that when you first move in with someone yeah these are things that annoy me like these are my top three things that will get on my nerves like let's try to avoid that the other person gets to say the same you're gonna just avoid so much happening rather than like thinking off for the first week it's fine I'm gonna do everything for that person and then you end up feeling upset because they're not reciprocating whatever just just set your expectations draw the boundaries be really open and honest about what works for you and what doesn't yeah and then and then figure out which part you can help each other agreed so I'm gonna ask you one more question for us then I want to talk a lot about you so anyone who's watching or listening right now if you've got this far I hope you've enjoyed it we've been introducing you to the world of us but I really also want to introduce you to the world of my wife she's incredibly talented she's got so many great insights I want you to learn about her and and fall in love with her as much as I am but before we do that we take the last questions the last question is how do you deal with my hectic travel schedule yeah type of work yeah I think we've both been very independent people in our relationship and I think when it comes to us being separate like it's just letting the other person get done what they need to get done if I need to be away for work or you need to be away for work I know it's not livable yeah I know that it's not that you want to be away from me or that I want to be away from you it's that we need to get stuff done it's not the end of the world we love each other but we also need to go and do what we love doing and so when I can I travel with you but if I can't I catch up with the stuff that I really need to get done that maybe I'm not able to do in condensed like time when we're together and so you just use as an opportunity to get those things done and yeah I just think I just think we're really good at being independent and we're really good at being together and I don't know whether that answer the question but yeah yeah yeah no and I miss her when I'm away from her it's not like I don't miss her and we both travel for work so I can be away I'm usually away for shorter stints more regularly and she's away for longer stints irregularly yes that's kind of how it works so she could be away for like a month or two but that happens like once or twice a year and then I could be away for like three nights but I do that regularly yeah every month and so we've learned that we get more done personally which is really powerful you get to focus on what you're doing I get a focus on one I'm hearing we miss each other more so when we get back together we're really excited to be at each other so that adds another level of incredible beauty in a relationship and and the other thing is I think I really believe that you have to be whole to then enhance each other in a relationship and if you want to talk about this like you don't complete each other in a relationship it's not harmful it's whole in whole coming together it's it's a full person and another full person filling each other up more and overflowing it's not about I'm half full you're awful together we're full yeah well like I'm trying to I've got a part missing of me that I'm trying to fulfill from the other person I don't think that works because it's it's unnatural to feel like this person's gonna fill a part of you like it has to be you being the whole person you said I just don't think we can expect another person to fill us or a gap in us yeah and I think I think that that makes a big difference definitely of being apart from each other because and I also think that I yeah I feel like I want to say this too that every relationship is so different and I don't think that this would necessarily work for a lot of people or a few people but I don't think it would necessarily work for everybody and some people really need that time where there with that person all the time or messaging that person all the time and that's totally fine but when I speak about our relationship I just always feel like I make it clear that this like this is just works for us this works for us and it's great but I don't think that it necessarily works for everybody out there and I don't think well why so everybody out there is gonna work for us and I think that it's a big that's a big deal because I think we look up to different couples or you see people in your life your friends and how they are in their relationship and you kind of see things that you may want in a relationship and you think that that's what you want but you never really know until you're in a relationship with somebody and you notice how you both complement each other because they're their qualities are completely different to your qualities and so yeah I just I just want to add that because it works for us but I don't think it's necessarily gonna work for ya ever video and there's no these there's foundational things in relationship and there's flexible things foundational stuff is like respect like appreciating each other's values yeah appreciating each other's goals yeah understanding each other's back as well there's a foundational things like that applies to every relationship one under the Sun really no matter which relationship you're in including friendships parents everything and then there's flexible stuff like this which isn't can't be forced them to everyone mhm like how you should deal with being apart how you should travel schedules so all the kind of functional stuff that is not a thing that there's a right or wrong way yeah the foundational stuff there is stuff that works and there's stuff that doesn't the flexible stuff is adaptable it's different for different people exactly what yeah amazing so now I want to move into what I'm really excited for all of you to hear I hope that gave you a big insight into our relationship our life we got married I didn't mention this but we've married in 2016 yeah April 25 yeah that's good yeah and we've now been together for nearly three years it's been incredible being married and I'll come back to that as well but I really want you to hear about my wife's incredible insights especially because they're so related to health right mental physical personal well-being and she's definitely someone who lives and breathes what she shares it's it's not just stuff that she talks about I've actually probably never seen someone who's who's practicing what they preach as much and so I'd love you to hear these insights so I'm gonna ask you a few questions when I did my first question for you is how did you fall in love with food how did I fall in with food I've always been a big foodie growing up I was fairly overweight until the age of about 15 let's talk about it yeah about 15 it's probably slightly losing weight around the age of 16 but yeah I grew up I grew up always loving food always loving carbs like I loved bread and all the things I probably shouldn't have a mom was actually a personal trainer my mom was a fitness instructor so she had like slick abs like growing up and it was never really bothered by my way until I went to school and yeah long story short I loved food from being younger my mom is an incredible cook my grandma's an incredible cook my sister is also an incredible cook everyone like I've been surrounded by great cooks my whole life and so my mom would always make beautiful food from around the world wherever we travel she'd always bring that home with us and she'd make wonderful dishes and so yeah I think being spoiled by that being when I was younger I grew up with a really unique taste in food because I'd experienced so much being growing up and then my mom actually suggested I go into doing nutrition and dietetics college or university and I did that and that's where my love for nutrition girl-like I absolutely loved understanding the qualities of food and how they can affect our bodies and I never really was into conventional medicine like I never liked taking anything for my body I really really believed in natural things or foods and plants can really change the way that our body reacts to things or disease or your health conditions and so that's where my love for nutrition grew and food and then I came across a evader and I actually don't know how it must have been I don't know how I came across I actually can't remember I know my biggest exposure to it was oh like when we moved to New York but that was pretty much encompassed everything that I ever thought I liked everything I wanted to believe in it had that in in in one one science and I evaders actually I oh means life and Veda means knowledge so it's literally the science of life and it encompasses mind body and soul and it really believes in the mind-body connection but it also completely believes and and has has solid science behind how food and the qualities of the different foods and how they can affect your body and how they can be healing and how they can be medicine or they can be toxins the same food can be that for four different people and I love it because it's so individual and so personalized that our bodies are so different your body will react to a tomato completely differently than mine would and so I really appreciate that because every single body's so unique like you can't have the same medicine for one person as you do for thousands and millions of people out there it just doesn't make sense our genetics are different our body's makeup is different our elements in our bodies are different and so I evader really encompasses all of that and so that completely grew my love for food and healing of food and yeah I've always believed in you know we always talk about how love the mother's love like mother's cooking is the best because of the love that she puts in it and in I Raider really believes that the consciousness and this is one of the things that I loved most about Ayurveda it talks about how the consciousness that you cook in or the consciousness that the food's been made in actually gets infused into that person and so however that person's you know everything that we're cooking with is is living like every fruit every vegetable it's it's it's it's a you know it's a plant it grows it has living cells and so it takes in our energy and so whatever energy you're putting into that food while you're cooking it is what the other person is is digesting and in eating and so I thought that was such a beaut for aspect of it because you can change how a person feels through the energy that you're putting into even their food and so my love for food even bigger I'm hearing that and yeah that was that's how I fell in love with food that's awesome I love that and it's been fun watching you fall more in love with food and I Raider tell the audience about like a few simple well-being tips for the day so whether its food or whether it's essential oils or whether it's anything in your life that you add split them up so tell me three simple tips that people can do daily with their food let's start with that work with food good food here simple tips I would say have three meals a day but your largest meal should be in the afternoon our body is in sync with nature and so when the Sun is as highest we believe we're in Iowa today believe we have a digestive fire in our stomach and so when the Sun is at its highest is when our digestion is the strongest and so that's when we should it's when the nutrients are assimilated into our bodies a lot better when the food is broken down so much faster and efficiently and so if we were able to eat our largest meal in the afternoon our heaviest meal in the afternoon then that's actually a lot more beneficial to our body and having our lightest meal in the evening because this is the second tip now the enema to have your lightest meal in there after in the evening because one your quality of sleep will be so much better your body's not trying to work while you're sleeping when you sleep you want every part of your body to be relaxed and every part of your body to feel like it's getting the rest to rejuvenate and to replenish for the next day and so if you're able to have a meal that's much lighter like soups or even a smoothie then your body is able to rest and your food is a lot of food that's not a just attendant to toxins in your body and so if your body's trying to shut down and you're still putting lots of food into your body it actually ends up turning into toxins a lot a lot a lot more toxins are produced if you're digesting food overnight and number three drink lukewarm water never drink ice water ice water or really really cold beverages actually dampens your digestive fire and so you kind of want to drink drinks which are either room temperature or warm warm drinks and hot drinks really stimulate a lot of things in your body but really keep your body purified and help with toxins elimination in your body as well so those are my three tips that's great tips yeah and that's so important because I feel so many people eat really late and then go to sleep straight away yeah so it's like a lot of people are eating at 8 p.m. 9 p.m. 10 p.m. and then going to see straight away or sleeping after midnight obviously but you are actually saying we should eat less in the evening yes and then of course you believe in sleeping early yes the point is yeah ok that makes a lot of sense that makes a little sense tell me some of the things that I wanted to talk to you about was around another few tips on well-being and wellness that you think would be useful to people well-being in wellness ok so I definitely believe in meditating early in the morning because well throughout the day there are different energies that can affect you and so in the morning when before the ideally before the Sun rises but before the Sun rises is when you've still got the calming effect of the moon and so your mind is a lot more rested your mind is fresh because you've just woken up but also you haven't been affected by the like the world is still asleep like a lot of people are still asleep and so you don't have that much energy around you and so I feel if your mind is karma and the Sun hasn't risen Sun actually brings about the energy of doing and going and get like getting things done whereas before the Sun rises if you were able to meditate then you actually will get a deeper more focused meditation in the morning another lifestyle tip I'd give is using a tongue scraper like guys so important in a Western in Western culture it's not normal to use a tongue scraper I don't want anyone seen it but it's literally so simple it's like a copper or a metal rod type thing which has its like au shaped like a U shape that you can basically scrape off all the it sounds gross but you scrape off all the toxins off your tongue in the morning and in the evening you can use it when you brush your teeth and actually the top if you end up swallowing those toxins that can be the beginning of like toxins like the toxics toxins building up in your body and so using a tongue scraper is an Ayurvedic must like you should you have to use a tongue scraper you can get off Amazon you can get it everywhere it's just a really simple thing to avoid toxins building up in your body and did you say one more yeah one more health tip I would or lifestyle tip I would recommend sleeping early you know there's so much normal science behind it but even just to get good amount of sleep before twelve o'clock I mean I've read so much about it but it really does rejuvenate you the quality of sleep that you get is so different compared to sleeping really late and doing on a regular basis it reduces your immune system it makes you really groggy in the morning I find that I really and if I have too many late nights for a long period of time I really affects my immunity like I know I'm gonna get unwell or I'm gonna catch a cold and so sleeping early is also if you can their loss people you can't because their job is but if you can sleep early eat in the afternoon wake up early that's like the ideal situation yeah yeah no really practical tips I think yeah things that anyone and everyone can do it is yeah I love those because they're just so universal it's not gonna take someone a huge lifestyle change it's not gonna cost anything like it's totally free to do all of these things yes you have to learn a lot like there's nothing to research you know and I know that you have because you are a dietitian and a nutritionist my qualification and by gonna university etc so I do know that everything that you speak about is highly researched and focused but I love how good you are making it so simple and so like easy to understand and obviously if you want more tips it's at where you can go follow rather after this and find out more about what she's posting my regularly I want you to tell me about why did health become so important to you because I know this for a fact that I really always focused on my mental health on my mind and for a long time mastering my mind was like one of my biggest focuses and that's that's where I spent a lot of my life and when I married rather she was very much focused not only on the mind but on the body more and when I say body I don't just mean in King aesthetically good I mean feeling good being active being genuinely healthy beyond size or shape or any of that stuff and and that's really helped me in my personal life I know for a fact that I eat better I exercise more I take care of myself physically because of you and so I want you to tell me why you started to find health so important and then I want you to tell me a bit about your perspective on body shape size and our addiction to looking a certain way as opposed to feeling a certain way health became a really important part of my life because yeah I grew up I mentioned I grew up fairly overweight and at the beginning it was a lot more to do with changing the shape of my body I really wanted to lose weight and at that time I knew I didn't want to do anything too extreme like I because I did my nutrition degree I understood and I'd heard a lot about how yo-yo dieting can really affect your metabolism and so for me I didn't want to do the extremes of like eating barely anything to then getting trying to get back to a normal diet which I know I've seen people that's that they've done that and it ends up making you put on even more weight afterwards and how to lose weight after that so I really wanted a healthy sustainable way of doing that and so I mean at the beginning it was at college and it was at amia University and I started just cooking for me and my friends a lot at university because I lived out and yeah it was it wasn't to be honest it I kind of just fell into it through through the nutrition degree I ended up learning a lot more about it so I started cooking a lot more vegetables and I mean I grew up vegetarian and so my diet was also predominantly based on lentils and pulses and and vegetables and you know all the Indian spices and flavors and so yeah that's where my health my sis beginning of my health journey started was to lose weight and then like I said when I came into Ayurveda and I started understanding that it just grew my passion for a lot more but the this the inspiration for it was definitely through through weight loss but I knew I didn't want to do it in an unhealthy way and body image yeah I think that's something growing up I always always thought that that to be healthy a good image of health was my image of my own health was based on other people's body shape or body size and looking around everybody around me I always used to think that okay for me to be healthy I needed to be slim like I needed to be very skinny and as I've grown up and I've I've been through my ups and downs with my way and with my journey of health I really realized that actually I've got to this point and when I feel the best like my version of health is when my organs feel like they're working in a space where my skin feels incredible when my digestion feels great when my hair my nails you know all the all the indicators that I feel represent good health that I've learned is good health when those things are happening and also when my mind feels good like when do I feel am I most comfortable is it when I have is it when I'm a specific body shape or is it when I'm working out and I feel great about it or am i struggling to get myself to the gym because of the goal that I have like I feel fine if my goal is to lose weight then for me it's been really difficult to sustain it and and because I want to eat like I really enjoy eating I really enjoy eating different foods and and having a great balance in life and so for me it became more about how I feel and and how my whole body feels in different ways rather than it being an indication of different body sizes and body shape and I mean I love getting into it like I love I love working out and it's part of my day part of my routine on a daily basis and I don't believe that either end of the weight spectrum is healthy there are health conditions associated to both but I have realized that body trans change all the time like you know there's gonna be a different body shape that's in fashion next week and the week after that and the month after that and the year after that but if I am constantly trying to change my shape according to that I'm not sure that that's what health means like there's so much more to what being healthy means than just body shape and body size and so yeah I think that that's what it means to me I mean I've struggled with it growing up but at the moment now after being through so much on that journey I really feel like that's what health means to me and that's where I feel the happiest when I'm thinking about health in that way yeah I love that on say it's so true I I grew up because I grew up over way as well when I lost weight for the first time I believe that being skinny or being slim was health and then when I realized that it definitely wasn't because I went through my own health challenges I was like oh wow like health doesn't mean it's not eating fatty foods like which is really as basic and simplistic as my knowledge was for so long and so hearing you say that obviously haven't you coached me in my life every day is amazing I really value it it's changed my life for sure in terms of how I feel and what I eat and what I do and how I use my time so thank you so much and and definitely if you follow rather afterwards you'll find so many great insights and more expert thoughts and practices that I think are genuine and practice you know they're practical for all of us and and that's what I love about them that what she saying works for everyone the universal and it's not about getting a specific goal externally it's about getting a specific goal internally and I don't think there's anything I think it's incredible if someone wants to change that I think it's incredible if someone has a goal of what they want their body to be sure but all I'm trying to say is that I don't think just body shape is an indication of health which I feel is is seen as health in a lot in a lot of ways like a lot of fitness pages or a lot of a lot of exercise pages they show most of the body shapes are similar they are they are in a specific in a specific form in a specific shape and I just think it's incredible how beautifully unique everybody's body is and it's like that is the beauty of the world that everybody is so beautiful everyone is so unique in their own way that why should everybody be aspiring for the same body shape why can't we all have our own individual shape and that be the beauty of it because yeah like a trends change like face trends change bodies turns change the way we speak changes our diet like you know our slang changes constantly I just think everything is changing so much that if we try and just focus on who we want to be and change according to our own motivation rather than other people's view or how we see other people that will make a big difference to our own mental state as well which is the journey I'm still going on guys that's kind of saying it for myself it's a it's a pep talk for me but yeah okay so what we're gonna do now to end this show every episode will usually have a final five but we're going to play a little game where we're gonna guess certain things about each other so I'm gonna give you this open up to a blank page if you open up to a blank page take this I already know okay so these are gonna be a list of questions that our friends have asked us to answer we're both gonna write down the answer then we're both going to reveal Oh No so the first question we have to answer is Roddy's favorite movie oh no I know a few that's what's hard my top three I don't okay make it harder why don't you oh no but there are some Bollywood films I like to know Bollywood doesn't care Oh what okay no I'm not done oh I don't know what my favorite movies are I forgot this is you can't play this game with Riley because she'll forget we'll have everything or it will change on the spot so I'm a fail at this but let's have a go okay three two one go what did it I got to I got two or three Vanessa yeah I watched it recently almost hit recently I realize it's hilarious I can watch it all the time okay so I got three I dunno what this stars one is gonna be an epic that I will always remember okay and a little princess have no one seen em you have if anyone's not seen it you have to watch it it's like the sweetest film nice all right the next question is Jay's favorite movie oh let's do top three as well what's that film cool the one that the one the magician won I'm not gonna tell you am i no you got coffee I know the name I know the name I just I just can't remember it my top three movies are the easiest thing in the world no one talks about them more than I do yes I just watch one of them on the airplane the other day I know I told you about you covered me didn't you no you did okay three two one that's what is called prestige I write the magic film Inception and watching me because I couldn't watching me watch films uh you love watching that's yeah I do because I couldn't the prestige is the best know the prestige went that was the magic film an inception yes film does not go and watching me I'm okay boiler Christopher Nolan movies I definitely I actually knew that alright next question is Roddy's favorite food oh that's a hard one there's a hard one not okay ready Wednesday okay no we play in the game my mum's food Indian food pizza and bread of any kind oh all right you know anything green India and Fries gonna write anything green Indian plus my mom's food is anything you love chips I do I just forgot Indian food pizza bread of any kind and fries bread I should have I shouldn't I knew that yeah alright okay next person Jay's favorite food so so easy it's anyone love okay anyone to think oh my food food burgers and sausage and beans you know yeah beans beans on toast and sausages is good but everything literally loves chocolate we're not doing that great alright what annoys Rodney the most I know this one second what in general yeah I don't know but about me about you or anyone to think okay what annoys Jada most my Riley yes okay I've got this really good three two okay changing conversation with mid convoy oh oh timing yes I am always late if we ever go anywhere and we tell you that we were lay and we make up an excuse it's always because of me that's not you know it's a guy okay next question is what is our favorite destination we've been to together oh that's a Mac he knows all the hard India and Disney Man Indian yes [Laughter] the last question what are you excited about in your future together what am i excited about what are we excited about um ready yeah yeah you too his crazy dreams which always come true uh being with you all right so that was the first ever episode of me interviewing my wife we're gonna do a lot more of this together I think I had a lot of fun I hope you all enjoyed it I'd love for you to share your favorite tips your favorite insights your favorite things that you learned from this session or anything at all on Instagram you can tag both of us you're gonna be seeing a lot more poise from both of us doing a lot more content together as well I'm so excited to share this part of my life with you I hope you are excited to be on it with me and I just want to take a moment to say this I've literally taken her life on a crazy journey and she's been the best most supportive partner in the world when we first met she said she didn't want to live any further away than a one-mile radius yes from her mom's home do I did USA yeah it literally told him I was like okay I really want to get my t-bar I really need to live not more than one mile away from my mom and your sister and my sister and so we ended up buying a house that was one more radius of my sister my mom and then three weeks later he told me we had to move to New York so yeah and so I agreed to it first of all but then I got this great opportunity in New York we moved to New York we lived in New York for two years throughout that time I we moved we bought a home moved country I changed job three times and got married all in the same year in 2016 I've you know I had to move on from a job while we were together - we were like four months away from being broke before I even started the whole media thing I was rejected about like 40 companies it's been a journey it's been incredible we moved to LA around seven months ago now and it's been one of the craziest journeys of life and I genuinely don't think anyone else could have tolerated it except that it dealt with me lived with me through any of it apart from her and I just want to take a moment to just say like you're amazing I don't know how you did it I appreciate you there's no other person in the world who could have done it there's no other person in the world that I would love to do it with so thank you for being my I feel the same way thank you the best person in the world I thank you thank you thanks for coming on this yeah sorry I was fun

Channel: Jay Shetty

Views: 3,809,229

Rating: 4.9501119 out of 5

Keywords: on purpose podcast, jay shetty podcast, Life, jay shetty videos, motivation, Explore, Mind, Purpose, Social Media, addiction, book, motivational video, boyfriend, jayshetty, distractions, girlfriend, grow, habits, how to, uplifting videos, inspiration, inspire, inspiring video, jay shetty, jay shetty inspiration, jay shetty motivation, jay shetty video, knowledge, learn, learning, love, podcast, prince ea, relationships, self development, self help, shettyjay, skills, success, uplifting, wisdom

Id: IR_JOaYJnVE

Length: 89min 5sec (5345 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 21 2019