♪♪ -I'm gonna ask you
for some silly words. Nouns, verbs,
adjectives, et cetera, and as we do that, they'll be
written onto cue cards, and then we're gonna act out
a dramatic "Mad Libs" scene. -Okay.
-Here we go. Okay. Silly word. -Barf. [ Laughter ] -Sillier.
-Barf. -Barf barf?
-Barf barf. [ Laughs ] -That's pretty silly. Barf barf. Amount of time. -Amount of time?
-Amount of time. -Two weeks. [ Laughter ] -"Two weeks." Holiday. -Um... Independence Day. -Yeah. Independence Day. Adjective. -Psychedelic. -Easy for our cue card guys,
right? Psychedelic. Psychedelic. Cool. A verb ending in I-N-G. -[ Clears throat ] Um... Pinching. [ Laughter ] -Plural, type of animal. -[ Laughs ] -Say it. -Penguins.
-Penguins. -I was gonna say donkeys. [ Laughter ] -Too obvi. -I got to keep you on your toes. -Body part.
-Knee. -Knee. Number. -Um...49. -There you go. Verb. -Um... tickle. -Article of clothing. -Sock. [ Laughs ]
-City. -Detroit. I don't know why.
-Name of celebrity. -Uh... [ Laughter ] -Any celebrity. Another one.
-Beyoncé. -Beyoncé.
-Beyoncé. -Of course, Beyoncé. -Song lyric.
Doesn't have to be Beyoncé. -♪ Baby, come back ♪ -Oh, nice.
-Yeah. -Profession. -Uh... Um... Uh... What's the machine
on the on the ice? Zamboni. Zamboni driver.
-Oh, wow. Zamboni driver. [ Cheers and applause ] [ Laughs ] This is awesome. Type of event. -Funeral. [ Laughter ] Okay. Keeping it fun here. Adjective. -Hairless. [ Laughter ] -Type of food. -Sausage. [ Laughter ] -Exclamation. -Dang.
-Dang. Alright. Very good. Dang. Okay, alright. Now we filled out
the words, cue card, we're all ready to go. Now it's time
to perform the scene. Let's go.
-Let's go. [ Cheers and applause ] -Alright. ♪♪ I'm Christian Grey. [ Laughter ] -I'm Anastasia Barf Barf. [ Laughter ] -Let's make this quick. I only have two weeks. -[ Clears throat ] This interview is
for the special Independence Day issue
of the student newspaper. -Mm-hmm.
-You are very psychedelic to have amassed such an empire. To what do you owe your success? -By following the same routine
every morning. Waking up, brushing my teeth, and then... -[ Laughs ] -...pinching at the gym. [ Laughter, applause ] ♪♪ -Your company is involved
primarily in agricultural projects, feeding the world's penguins. With -- [ Laughs ] With that kind of passion, I
wonder if your knee might be... [ Laughs ] -What's that? [ Laughter ] Did you remember an old joke
or something? -I wonder if your knee
might be bigger than you let on. ♪♪ -Some -- Some people say
I don't have a knee at all. -I did some research on you,
and I see that you're unmarried and that you were adopted
at age 49. [ Laughter ] -It was a late adoption. You intrigue me, Ms. Barf Barf. [ Laughing ] When someone intrigues me --
[ Laughs ] I tickle excessively. [ Laughter ] ♪♪ -My sock is sweating. [ Laughter ] ♪♪ [ Laughs ] -What are your plans
after you graduate? -I was planning on moving
to Detroit with Beyoncé. [ Laughter ] -The best part
about having success is getting
to give students like you my favorite piece of advice. Baby, come back. [ Laughter ] -When I'm around you, I feel like a Zamboni driver
at a funeral. You know? -I've heard that before. Well, I hope you got
everything you need. -I did. I did. And whenever I have a great
interview, I do my favorite dance called
the hairless sausage. [ Laughter ] ♪♪ -Dang! And scene.
That's it right there. Thank you! That's all
for "Mad Lib Theater." My thanks to Dakota Johnson. Alright. Here we go.
Here's how it works. So right here is a pile of cards
with random sentences on them. -Are you ready?
-No, I don't -- Yeah. I know you do that, stretch. Yeah, the sexy stretch
is really. Yeah. I'm going to take turns
slicing a card. Then you look into your camera
and read whatever's written on the card
in your sexiest voice possible. Okay, now,
here's the -- here's the deal. All of the sentences
on these cards are very unsexy. Okay, so it's up to us
to make them sound sexy. You ready for this?
-Yeah. Okay. -Here, I'll go first.
-Okay. -You're a guest.
Here we go. -First is the worst,
second's the best. [ Chuckles ] [ Laughter ] -That doesn't even rhyme. That doesn't make any sense. First is the worst,
second is the best. Oh, it's supposed to not rhyme.
-You go. -Okay. Get ready for this, man. I want to go fishing
this afternoon. Do you know where I can buy
grubs or worms? [ Laughter ] What did you think of that? -That was really good. -Pretty sexy. [ Cheers and applause ] Oh. [ Laughs ] Really? Yeah, Quest,
where are you guys? Yeah. Yeah.
Good deal. No, you should do the
[vocalizes] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Whatever. -Too late now.
-Okay. -We'll fix it in post.
-Ready? -Alright. Alright, you ready?
-Yeah. -Alright. Here you go.
Pick your card and go for it. -Okay.
-That's your camera. -[ Clears throat ] [ Sultry music plays ] Excuse me while I go slip
into a pair of old sweatpants. [ Laughter ] -That was actually much -- Pretty good, actually. It's pretty good, but let me
show you how it's done. -Okay. [ Sultry music plays ] Meesa called Jar Jar Binks.
Meesa your humble servant. [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] Steaming up --
I'm steaming up the lens a little bit.
Little steam on the lens there. Yeah.
-Alright. Alright. [ Clears throat ] [ Sultry music plays ] Okay.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
-Okay. Yeah, I got you. -Excuse me, sir, but this
strawberry-flavored chapstick just fell out
of your fanny pack. [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] -That happened to me
in real life. That happened
to me in real life. -I've been trying
to wink at the end, but I keep just blinking.
-Yeah, that's pretty good. I like the wink at the end. Yeah, I want to do that, too. -Okay.
-Here we go. Ready? -Yeah. -[ Coughs ] [ Sultry music plays ] ♪♪ Sure. I'd love to take off
my underwear, but you'll have to excuse
the cloud of Gold Bond powder. [ Ding! ] [ Laughter ] Might work for me was.
-You got a ding with your wink. -That happens every time
I wink. -Oh, my God. -Alright, we're down to
the last card. Let's see what you got here. -Okay. [ Clears throat ] I'm gonna do -- I'm gonna do --
If you can go just into, like -- -A hair flip? -Yeah. -That's pretty good.
-Okay. -Yeah. [ Sultry music plays ] [ Laughter ] -Let's go to Red Lobster. I'll get
the Cheddar Bay biscuits. You can get the popcorn scramps. [ Laughter ] -[ Coughs ]
Popcorn scrimps. That's what I'm talking about
right there. Very sexy, Dakota Johnson. -You told me about this game
that you play with your friends, and it's a new game.
-Yeah. You want to teach it to me,
and we're always down for a new game
that we can all play. -Yeah.
-Yeah. And what is the name of this game? -I don't know.
-Okay. None of your games have names. -It's not a real name.
-What is it? -It's called the acting game.
-Okay, acting game. -Basically, the acting game,
because, Well, I played it --
I only played it once, just so you know.
-Okay. -And --
-Was it fun? -It was over the holidays
with my family and some friends. -Oh. Good.
Well, it involves a phone. -You basically you get
a fake scenario and you have to answer the phone
and act out the scenario. Also, this phone matches
my dress, so... -Matches perfectly. -So it was supposed to be here
tonight. [ Laughter ] -"AT&T made my dress tonight,
so I want to thank everyone there."
-AT&T also made this phone." -"AT&T, they also make
the phone accessory. This is a handbag, so it's just going out
with your friends and you're like, 'Oh, what's going on?
Well, hold on. Let me get a little lip balm." Alright. Alright, so it is a
beautiful dress, by the way. Who makes the dress? -Gucci. [ Laughs ] -I don't know. Alright.
Here's the deal. So what are --
-Gucci mad this phone too, by the way. -What is the game?
How does it go again? So I'm going to read a scenario.
-Okay. -Or a scenario,
however you say it at home? That's half the fun
of the game tonight. Same scenario/scenario. And then you answer the phone
reacting to what happens. -Okay.
-Ready? -Yeah.
-And I'll say, "Ring, ring" after I read the scenario.
-Okay. -It's your fiancé, Darth Vader, calling to tell you he's
leaving you for another woman. -Okay.
-Brring, ring, ring, ring. -Hello? Hi, babe. Did -- Did you just wake up? [ Laughter ] Oh. You're what? Where are you? Who the [bleep] [ Laughter ] -Hang up the phone.
Hang up the phone. [ Laughter ] -This game --
I can see where this game is -- It's a little --
It's an adult game. It's an adult game. Alright, let's switch.
Now you read -- you read the scenario,
and I will answer the phone. Yeah.
-Okay. Okay. I'm going to say "Ring,
ring" when I'm done. -Just stick to those words,
yeah. [ Laughter ] -Okay. You're a famous chef. Someone from your kitchen calls
timidly, asking for your special turkey stuffing recipe,
which they've lost again. -A special turkey recipe?
Stuff-- What? -Turkey stuffing recipe.
-Turkey stuffing recipe. Okay. I'm a famous chef. Okay. Okay. Uh. [ French accent ] The phone has
not rung all night. I cannot believe no one
is calling me at all. This is a great party.
I'm having a great time. But quick, we have to get
the table number 53 or else we're going to close
the whole place. -[ Singing ringtone ] -Shh. Be quiet, everyone. I think
there's something happening. Is someone a video game
or something from the -- Oh, hold on.
This is my ringtone. It's the "Hustle."
Do the hustle. [ Vocalizing ] Hold on. Hello?
It is me Jacques speaking. Yeah. Sacrebleu! Sacrebleu! I have to do table 53. [ Speaking indistinctly ]
Turkey stuffing? [ Middle Eastern accent ]
You take a celery, shove it up the turkey's butt. [ Laughter ] You take --
Now I'm Middle Eastern. I'm Middle Eastern now.
You take that, you take the potato, you shove
it up the turkey's butt. What you want from me? What do you want from me,
my friend? You shove it up
the turkey's butt. Whatever you have, you shove it
up the turkey's butt. [ French accent ]
Sacrebleu! Goodbye! [ Cheers and applause ] Table 53, get on that right now. Table 53! -That was better than mine. -[ Normal voice ] It was lame.
Lame -- is that what you said? -Better.
-Okay. -You said it was very lame. I was like, "You said it
very nicely." Alright. Here we go.
Last one here. Ready for this?
-Yes. -Dakota?
-Yes. You're about to get a call
with news that you've been rejected from clown school. This is your one shot
to convince them to change their minds. -Okay. Ring, ring. -[ Singing indistinctly ] -Where's my... -Brring! Brring! -Hello? [ High-pitched ]
Oh, yes, this is Bubbles. [ Laughter ] Um... Wait, what? No. No. But -- [ Normal voice ] Why? What's the reason? 'Cause I couldn't
do the balloon dog? Really? What am I gonna tell my dad? What am I -- What am I
gonna tell my dad? No, yes. He's Big Laughs. My dad is Big Laughs.
I'm Bubbles. What am I gonna do?
-Name is Big Laughs? -Yeah, my dad, his name is -- -Alright, I'm sorry.
You got the job now. -Oh.
-I'll see you in clown school. -[ High-pitched ] Okay. -Just kidding! I'm a clown. Goodbye!
I love you. [ Laughter ] Dakota Johnson, everybody. Yeah. I have to talk to you
about something because there have been
some headlines about you last couple of days. Do you know
what I'm talking about? -Yeah, it's really
stressing me out. -Well, your fans are upset
because apparently everyone's broken-hearted
that the gap in your teeth is not there anymore. And fans are heartbroken.
People are upset. No one knows what to say.
What is going on? What -- The gap is gone.
What's up? -Well, first of all, the fact
that this is a newsworthy event in our in our world right now
is pretty Chaka Khan to me. But --
-Chaka Khan. -Chaka Khan.
-Yeah. Why is everyone upset? -So I had a perm--
I had a permanent retainer since I was like 13, and it was just glued
to the back of my teeth and I was having
a lot of neck problems recently, so my orthodontist,
she decided that it would be a good idea
to take it off and see if my jaw
sort of expanded and it helped me
and my gap closed by itself. And I'm really sad
about it, too, so... -No, wait, wait, wait.
Hold on a second. First of all,
you got to walk me back. Your neck,
your neck bothered you? And so that's what made you take
the retainer out of your mouth. Is that a thing?
Has anyone ever heard of that? -That is a real thing. Yeah. -If your neck bothers you,
it might be your teeth. -When you -- As you grow
as a human being, your -- [Laughs] your skull expands and your jaw
and your teeth move. You know, your teeth don't look like they did
when you were a baby. -They do, actually.
I was born -- [ Laughter ] I was born with veneers. -Oh. Cool. Cool. -I broke this tooth.
This one's fake. -Let me feel it. -It's not gonna feel different. It feels like a tooth. -Not if you go like this. Can you hear that? [ Laughter ] -Sounds like a tooth. -It's like when you knock
on a hollow part of a wall. [ Laughter ] -Is that one fake, too?
-Are they both fake? [ Laughter ] -All my teeth are fake.
Yeah, actually. This one might be fake as well. Yeah, that's weird.
So let me tap on your tooth. -Okay. [ Laughs ] [ Laughter ] You don't have any nails. -Yeah. I don't have any nails. I know, I took them off
before the show. [ Laughter ] -I want to --
I want to talk to you -- -Anyway, hold on.
This is really important. I'm sad about my gap tooth too, so I'd really appreciate
some privacy in this time. -Wait, what?
First of all, don't demand -- don't demand --
Don't clap for that. Don't demand or clap. You want to demand some privacy. -Yeah.
-I think it looks beautiful. You don't need --
-Well, I have to deal with a whole new world of problems. -No.
-Getting food stuck in my tooth. -That's your new thing?
-Yeah, because before, it would just slide right through. [ Laughter ] -Your whole life
has changed and you're you're dealing
with it as well. -Yeah.
-Just as much as the public and your fans are dealing
with it. You're dealing with issues. -It's gonna come back.
-The gap will come back. -Yeah. -How?
-Other retainers. -You're gonna get a retainer
to split your tooth? -The world of dentistry
is so advanced. -Wait, are you serious
about this? Because what if --
Dude, what if you come back and you get a gap
and then your neck hurts? Then what? Then where do we go?
Back to the drawing board. -No, 'cause we're gonna do it
in a really holistic, sort of like otheo-- -I can't. Don't even talk to me
about this. Hey, I do want to -- I have
a story I want to bring up, and I don't know if you want
to talk about it, but I heard this rumor that
you used to make reservations at a dinner -- dinner
reservations at a restaurant
under a famous person's name. Do you know what
I'm talking about? -Yeah.
-You used to call up and say, "You have a table
for George Clooney." -Yeah.
-Why? -Because I wanted
to go to the good restaurants when I was growing up,
when I was in high school. -Do you know George Clooney?
-No, I don't. [ Laughter ] -So wait, you would call up
and go, "Hey, table for four,
George Clooney." -Yeah, because nobody else
is named George Clooney. Also, it works every time.
Try it. [ Laughter ] -I should actually try it. -Next time you can't get
into a restaurant. -I can't get into
any restaurant, yeah. -But I used to do that
when I was a teenager. -And you'd call up and say -- and then what would happen
when you'd show up? -I'd say,
"He's gonna join us later." It'd be like a bunch of kids.
[ Laughs ] -And does George know
that you do this? -Well, I -- I met him
a couple of years ago. We were traveling
to the Toronto Film Festival, and we happened
to be on the same plane. And I was like,
"Hi, I'm Dakota." And he was like,
"Oh, I've heard of you. I know what you do. -"I know what you do"
is what he said? -Yeah, he was like, "You call
and you use my name. It's okay." -He really did that?
-Yeah. -So he said it's okay?
-Yeah. -Did you continue to do it?
-Yeah. -Yeah, why not?
I think it's fun.
