Teachers Reveal the Funniest Classroom Events (2 Hours Reddit Compilation)

teachers of reddit what are some of the best notes you've intercepted in class oh boy i was a student when this happened probably seventh or eighth grade so at my school we had a very notorious substitute teacher she was notorious for one reason and one reason only her weight there was no question it was a medical issue not just poor health i mean it has to be near impossible to get as big as she by just eating poor and not exercising so one day a couple of my friends were giggling to themselves in the corner as one of the artsy kids scribbled on a piece of paper this caught the teacher attention let's call him is sushi waddled over and demanded that he hand her the paper to which the kid turned the brightest red i have ever seen on a person when she saw the paper she instantly started sobbing and left the room he had made a drawing with the title me's sue's view of the classroom to which he drew a few desks each with middle schooler sized chicken wings sitting at it i feel so bad for ms sue i was a senior in high school and it was the end of year so i was doing anything but work assigned during a lecture in an ap course i wrote on a piece of paper there are footprints on the ceiling pass it on i have no clue why i found it hilarious but every time the next person got it they'd look up at the ceiling with a confused look resulting with my friend and me laughing uncontrollably my teacher noticed took the note and looked up with the same confused look and i thought my guts were going to rip she was a pretty cool teacher chuckled then threw it away i proceeded to write this note in every class i had that day if you are in school i suggest trying this it's harmless and very entertaining if anyone has heard of this no it wasn't my idea i found the idea on reddit that morning i wish i could have tried this door not a teacher but i left a rather threatening note to one of my classmates in the first grade i was down and left it sitting right in my desk as i left for lunch but my nosey butt teacher decided to pick it up and read it for herself i don't remember too many specifics about the note nor do i even remember what this kid had done to pee me off but i do remember including the phrase i'll be back with weapons long story short i got called in for a private talk sometime later that day and told that i'd be sent to the office if i did something like that again the teacher was surprisingly cool about the whole thing though now you would run the risk of expulsion or even a rest every year when it comes time to teach the declaration of independence i have my wife write a breakup letter and fold it into one of those paper footballs i pretend to find it in the hall and then read it to the class at the end i ask them if they want to know who wrote it they get so mad when i tell them it says dear britain from america this is so nerdy and i am so happy not a teacher but when i was in early middle school we had a teacher who would read the notes out loud if she caught you passing them i wasn't as sneaky as i thought i was and next thing i know the whole class found out i wanted to marry this girl i had just started talking to i did not live that down for years when i was in sixth grade there was a homeroom pta meeting and all of the kids parents were seated at their kids desks the teacher mrs c was a crotchety old woman with a club foot she started off the meeting by informing the parents about what her expectations of each child were homework policy grading policies etc apparently she came across as rather stern and stuffy because my dad passed a note to my mom as my mom read it mrs c took notice and said jokingly would you like to read that note in front of the class mrs tiff to flerry's mom my mom just about crap herself and was so relieved that mrs c was only kidding because the note read god knew what he was doing when he gave her that foot note says anything you want if you're allowed to read it yourself in 10th grade science class my buddy and i were passing a note back and forth to past time we were talking about a girl when he wrote i'd like to frick up the butt the teacher got the note and read it verbatim i'd like to frick up the butt my buddy responded i didn't know you were into that sort of thing miz laughs everywhere i got detention for a day he got detention for two weeks he framed the note worth it i used to have a teacher in middle school that would do the read aloud thing late 80s early 90s when they caught a note being passed i remember a specific time where it was a note that they had been passing back and forth and just talked about how they had been meeting up and making out and stuff the teacher is reading it out loud and laughing and laughing thinking it is hilarious i remember looking around the room and while it started kind of funny it was clear about halfway through that it was kind of going too far he finished reading it but i remember seeing a look in his eyes and i never saw him do it again just one of those moments in life you remember forever for no real discernible reason and then i buried my dong in her i was actually the student whose note got intercepted i tried to pass a friend a note including a joke i thought was really funny at the time around grade 7 she caught me and read the notes slowly and with her thick accent why do gnomes laugh when they play soccer because the grass tickles their balls frick i'm almost 20 and i'm dying over here not a teacher but when i was in first grade i was writing silly notes to a friend and wrote hey kyle i like to lick the toilet he laughed a bit too hard and the teacher saw it and read it out loud got in trouble at school and got my butt whooped at home too kyle and i were no longer friends after that overreaction 101 two students who were passing a note back and forth in one of my afternoon classes i'd had some discipline issues with them towards the beginning of the year but that had been months before so i made intercepting it a low priority eventually it became so obvious that i had to intervene the note was simple it was weights and cash values they were negotiating immediately i assumed the obvious weed and grabbed them both and took them to the hall and got security i think i even laughed because it was so blatantly obvious what was going on i thought only an idiot would do something like that turns out i was way off my two businessmen were negotiating the price for dried chilies one was in culinary arts and the other grew peppers in his biology class the cooking kid wanted really hot chili powder for his chili i apologized through my laughter and bought the chili powder for him for the record the chili was okay ish way too many beans misit each theraphorium is well paying i thought it meant something horrible so balled him out in front of the class that was pretty embarrassing not a teacher and not exactly intercepted but in second grade i was feeling really sick i asked to go to the nurse and the teacher refused we were supposed to be writing a journal entry and then have her read over it so i wrote in my journal that my teacher wouldn't let me go to the nurse so i wanted to kill myself she screamed when she read it ended up meeting with the guidance counselor and they called my parents i was a disturbed child dude wtf what kind of teacher refuses someone to go to the nurse especially a child i caught a student passing a note that said banana mac peeling and had a doodle of anthropomorphic banana riding a surfboard i found a love note between two sophomores on the floor of the hallway the boy was trying very hard to win her back the note consisted of many promises but the one line that stood out was please think about it i'll love you if you want we taped it to our staff fridge so all could live in its glory crap that sounds like something i would have said in high school not a note but a student was giggling at his phone i quietly creeped up behind him and he and his friends started a group chat with memes about my booty he was mortified i pretended to bp and gave him a detention but it was pretty hilarious squats four days intercepted this one in a fifth grade classroom front eliza drawing of a rose back will you go out with me yes or no comma yes or no this bugs me more than it should i got a really good one last week it was really clever really made me hopeful for the future of the literary arts it read these nuts good to see this is making a comeback a few years ago i got a detention for writing my pen is leaking because my teacher thought it said my dong was leaking i mean come on it doesn't even make sense if you'd written that in cursive there wouldn't have been any confusion first off no one has passed a paper note in the last seven years it's all done with texts but when i used to get them my favorites were the ones where high school sophomores would spout about how in love they were and how the last five days have been the best of their lives cracked me up every time it's all done with texts yeah by people who have never heard of the ns freaking a i have to do observation as as part of my degree plan as this i do whatever the real teacher tells me to do some teachers have you run their class and critique you others have you grade papers some have you just sit in the classroom you are essentially a free aid if they want to use you this way so the teacher had me act as an aide and keep distracted students on task as i was walking papers from one side of the room to the other the teacher snapped with her fingers at some students passing a note and instructed me to read it out loud i intercepted the note and read it then looked up at her and shook my head slightly the teacher thought it was embarrassing for the girls and wanted me to make an example out of them she insisted so i read it out loud jesus class is boring i'm a sixth grade science and social studies teacher and i teach in a majority hispanic school the students know that i don't speak spanish but i never told them that i could read spanish one day during passing period between their science and social studies block i found a note between two girls that had my name in the conversation so naturally i was curious in spanish the note said ms crayolacrative has no boobs and a tiny butt i was so amused that i wrote under the conversation in purple gel pen that is true but it doesn't bother me how about we pay more attention to what we are doing in class love ms crayola creative i just put it back on their table where i found it and pretended not to notice their horrified faces when they came back to class they don't write notes in my class anymore [Music] freshman year i taught my best friend the anglo-saxon runic alphabet to write notes confident read cocky that no one would ever be able to read what we were writing we didn't bother being discreet and for two years we passed entire notebooks in class teachers who bothered to try to take up our notes just handed them back baffled and let us carry on otherwise we really were good students so we get to junior year biology and carry on the tradition it took a few days for our teacher to notice that when he did he inevitably took up the notebook he went to the front of the class to read it but of course was just utterly flummoxed he asked what language it was and which of us had the idea to do our notes that way when i fessed up that it was me he looked me dead in the face and called me bizarre then told me i was either going to teach him the language or take a detention i ended up developing a really close relationship with him and view him as a father figure to this day tl dr friend and i pass notes in an obscure language for years perplexing many teachers before my favorite teacher made me teach it to him yes it really said this omg his spunk tasted like funk fair sucky isle both girls were white and then red very very red the owner of the fluid in question sat several seats away in comfortable ignorance they were all good kids though they really were just wild 12th graders teacher here intercepted a note when i was student teaching it read something like student one mr pop ap looks super cute today student two yeah i know right i like his tie a lot and his hair today looks good s1 i wish he could take me to prom i'd love to see him without clothes on had to turn the note into the principal and write a discipline referral a few days later she apologized and said she wasn't going to ask me to prom should have put them into the farm system waited until they graduated then moved them up to the majors 10th grade french class being taught by a student teacher one time my friend passed me a note that just said dank memes in really big letters on it with my immensely creative mind i just passed it back to him without writing anything he opened it gave me a disappointed look and pass it to the guy beside him and the student teacher intercepted with the typical i'll take that thank you then proceeded to open the note stop walking turn around slowly and then pronounce the class dank memes i'm seeing a guy in royal courier's dress holding a scroll upon which the phrase has been written in exquisitely elegant cursive he takes it unfurls it and announces in his loudest and most impressive booming voice dank memes and the whole class cheers and claps also sadly not a teacher but in your 12-2 of my friend spent a double period drawing a vivid masterpiece of a stegosaurus making unorthodox love to a t-rex in a position i hope to never find myself at either end of anyway the teacher walked over and demanded to see what it was friend one in a fit of desperation attempts to eat said note a4 teacher proceeds to take what's left out of friend one's mouth looks at it shudders stares at both friends who can't stop laughing with utter disgust yeah 12 sent to principal continue to be unable to stop laughing threatened with expulsion due to their art abilities math teacher in eighth grade demanded that a student hand over a note he was about to pass to a guy next to him this note was a drawing of about 11 guys riding back doors on each other in some sort of conga line he really didn't want to hand it over to her insisting it was nothing when she wouldn't give in he had no options left so he ate it slowly saying it was nothing and eating it right in front of her picturing that one of the funniest things here we're so lucky to have principal anderson substituting now we have the privilege of staring at that tub of lard all day long if i were him i would walk my fat butt right into oncoming traffic i want you billy p.s i'm frisky takes off glasses not when i was in fifth grade my teacher got really sick and was gone for a good two weeks for the first week of that stretch we had a really mean substitute teacher let's call him is see ms c was a mean old b she once told a student that he was going to heck because he rode his skateboard in the school parking lot where there was a no skateboarding sign she yelled at our class if there was ever the slightest whisper one day i decided to draw an unflattering picture of her i gave her a snake's body with bad wings and a snaggle tooth the finishing touch was a price tag coming out of her hair i decided to sign my work at the bottom of the paper then i passed it around the classroom and surprisingly she got a hold of it she grabbed me by the tris up hard and took me to the principal's office here's where things get good this was by no means my first trip to the principal's office or my last my jimmies had been rustled by me see being so forceful and physical but i calmed myself down i walked into the principal's office and somehow managed to totally spin the whole thing i told her about how bad miz she was and how she had told that kid he was going to heck i set the story up to make it sound like she forced my hand my picture wasn't a juvenile attempt of humor but rather an act of defiance against a tyrant the principal let me off scot-free and told me she would be having words with me see as i walk to my next class i passed ms see in the hallway she had a crap-eating grin on her face because she assumed i had detention or something she said she was on her way to talk to the principal about what happened that was on a thursday ms c didn't come back the next day i never saw her subbing for another class again that was a sweet sweet victory tl dr i drew a picture of a mean substitute teacher she sent me to the principal's office i talked my way out of getting in trouble and the substitute got fired you're a legend i bet you didn't even look when the explosion went off my friend and i used to draw comics four of each other in high school they were crude stick figures but we labeled people things when needed one day in anatomy our elderly slightly overweight teacher was wearing a see-through blouse on top of a tank top and my friend drew a picture labelled ems camper stripping stick figure on a stick figure pole and everything we got pulled outside got ready for a crap storm only to be met with a hopeful sounding do you really think i could be a stripper we were speechless i had a note made by me intercepted by my english teacher it was a drawing of a massive ejaculating dong covering the whole of one side of paper the teacher opens the note shows it to the class and looks me straight in the eyes and says that's a really nice self-portrait you have there i believe he meant to write this imar whipped tyres but ima whip it all over the place emma whip it good but instead he wrote this ima wipe tyres butt ima wipe it all over the place ima wipe it good when i was in seventh grade i had a lady sub who unfortunately looked exactly like fred armisen i passed a note to my friend saying that you reminded me of the skit fred did where he dressed up as a caveman and just went on and on about how masculine she looked well she intercepted it and read it in front of the whole class once she figured out that it was about her she sent me to the principal's office and i was given in school suspension for three days not the best as in funny but it made me smile the rest of the week girl one i can't believe miss mached or baked is leaving at the end of the week i'm going to miss her girl too she's the best teacher we ever had and she's only learning how to be a teacher girl one i know i love it was at this point i picked up the note read it smiled to myself and walked away kids can be nice sometimes professors have read it have you ever been pressured or forced to pass an athlete or other student by your athletics department or university administration how did that go this was at high school but it's related to the question my mother had the rule that i couldn't play on the baseball team unless i pulled a b in all my classes at the time i was rocking a solid d in geometry but as luck had it my geometry teacher was tight with the baseball coach i came into class one day and he asked me is everything good now he had bumped my grade all the way up to a b it was shady as heck and i suck at geometry to this day but i ended up playing baseball that year so i had that going for me which was nice just think of what the world would be like if you could prove alternate interior angle equality that you son of a bee not a professor but taught a couple of courses as an undergrad as part of some neat but program i flunked one of our star basketball players and had turned in my grades about a week before grades were due when going back to make sure i had done everything i noticed that his grade was magically unflunked and switched to a b i didn't ask any questions cuz i really didn't care and the kid did put in lots of extra effort meeting with me to try to get his grades up he just sucked at the subject also i flunked a student who was the son of a prof in the same department i was working in she flipped crap somehow got the chair of the department to agree to let him take two stroke three exams and two stroke four essays the chair then coached me on how to make sure he still flunked and we designed the special new exams together making the question something that i could answer but no way any of my students could unless they just had an uncanny knack for the field i ended up flunking his butt in the end but a year later i had to take one of her courses on stats she couldn't flunk me for two reasons i had over a 100 on all of my exams and coursework up to the final and everyone in the course as well as the chair knew that however she claimed that i failed the final and ended up giving me a c-plus in the course but the chair and i tried to challenge this knowing it was a load of bull crap but she won in the end after making some appeal to the freaking dean which did not allow us to view the test scores i'm now happily in graduate school for that field and the chair went out of his way to explain that particular discrepancy on my transcripts when i applied i also received an a plus on the part two of the stats course taught by a different professor frick you doctor mason i work for my university's biology department specifically our lower mid-level labs a lot of athletes take my labs we usually give them a little more leniency as far as attendance and that's it grade wise fear held to the same standards as every other student if they fail because of crap reports they fail period sometimes they complain but we kindly tell them to frick off idk how other schools handle their athletes or how the actual classes go though i've heard my fair share of rumors of a certain nba player who's quite famous actually and went to a local high school taking a spanish class that his high school actually created for only the player i went to a pretty obscure state university in ohio i had a limited time available to attend classes because i have four school age kids and i had to be home when they were home so i had to look for classes that would fit into a five-hour daily block when i went to my advisor to ask about several classes that would work perfectly they were blocked she sheepishly told me that there were special sections and were for specific students i found out later that they were for school athletes only and that they were dumped down versions of regular classes i started tearing physics courses when i was an undergrad the department was short on tas and i was available i ended up going to grad school at the same university that i attended for undergrad so i just kept on tearing over six years of teaching i had a pretty big number of student athletes pass through my classes overall they cover the gamut of students you would meet some are smart some are lazy some are there on scholarship and are working hard as frick to keep it some seem to think that they deserve an a i had a few students get grades low enough that they were in jeopardy of losing their scholarships and one maybe two that did and there was plenty of whining and grade grubbing but that is common in an intro physics course but not once was i ever pressured by a coach to alter a grade on a pretty relevant side note there was an episode of king of the hill that dealt with this peggy was pressured by the entire school board to pass the guy but she insisted that she chew to him instead so that he could pass by the time all was said and done he actually wanted to be tuted because he didn't like the fact that people though he was quite literally [ __ ] it was a good episode i tell you what as a college instructor without tenure one can be forced to pass lots of students athlete or not or my future employment was in some part based on my ability to pass a certain number of students if i was flunking too many people then it would become an issue of she's not trying hard enough not spending enough one-on-one time with students not identifying and solving problems someone in this thread may have pointed this out already but the truth is that there was always pressure for me to pass people if i wanted to stay employed this may not be the case at all colleges but it was for me i cannot speak to other schools but at my school new non-tenured faculty are often concerned that it might be the case fear of some sort of scandal tends to put the pressure in the other direction whenever i have trouble with a student athlete if the student is not responsive i just call the director of student athletic services the guy in charge of making sure they make grades and that usually takes care of the problem if the student really irritates me i call email the coach and within 24 hours that student is standing in front of my desk apologizing legs robbery from running laps as punishment in fact we used to have a director who when i would call to tell him such and such an athlete was failing my class would lose his temper and frequently start shouting into the phone you flunk his butt i'm sick of his crap we give him tutoring and every resource and he still pulls this crap just flunk is but i have to admit even though i could have just emailed him the reports on the failing athletes i liked to phone him so i could hear him go nuts nowadays i have very high level roles in faculty governance that let me see behind the curtain of athletics and i have seen a coach resign because of his athletes grades but not a professor if a coach or athletics administrator wherever to try to pressure a faculty member on grades i suspect the culprit would quickly and quietly be suspended and encouraged to pursue other employment tl dr at my school fear of scandal prevents it from happening i used to work at a grocery store in a university town and one of the star sports ball players had a bad habit of petty theft but one day he made the mistake of stealing from the grocery store where i worked and of course he was caught on camera stealing about two dollars and fifty cents worth of stuff apparently a couple of the coaches came down and tried to talk my boss out of pressing charges my boss has never backed down from anyone so of course he pressed charges and the kid lost his scholarship and got kicked out of school afterwards a bunch of other stores came forward with similar stories except they had all dropped the charges in australia we don't have any form of this athletic scholarship thing that you have in the states the pressure in australia is to pass fee paying overseas students who are paying good money to get a degree despite not being able to speak english i would just like to say that while these stories may be true and do indeed happen academics are just as important to most student athletes as sports are i just finished my last year as a d1 football player and am now getting ready to finish my last semester of college i never cheated or asked for a grade i didn't deserve the fact of the matter is i had a full-time job on top of playing and as a sciences major i took hard classes orgo physics bio assorted courses that dealt with my major and finished the past three semesters with a gpa over a 3.4 my point in saying all this is not to brag but to just say that we really are for the most part just like normal students it's like that ncaa commercial where they say almost all ncaa athletes will go pro in something other than sports it's the truth it used to bum me out when classmates or group members would just assume was stupid or didn't care because i was an athlete all right that's my rant thanks for listening tl dr don't assume college athletes get everything handed to them they work just as hard as anyone else in class all while devoting nearly four or five hours a day to their sport there probably isn't much blatant cheating why because every school has those majors go look at what your football team is majoring in the most represented majors are the ones a drinking duck could pass there's a reason everyone is impressed when there are players who get into med school or are owed scholars quite a few football basketball players really don't belong in a university professor here in one of my first classes 25 years ago a very nice football player plagiarized for his final paper i gave him a chance to write it again explaining to him a senior what plagiarism was he simply put quotes around the copied parts and added citations those parts constituted about 80 of the text so i failed him for the paper in the course soon after i got a call from the dean of athletics giving me a long sob story about what a great guy the student was how community-minded he was and that i was preventing him from graduating and going on to a job that was lined up for him wouldn't i like to change the grade as a very new professor i was very unnerved by the call i talked to my own dean's office and the people there said simply to do what i saw fit i failed the guy two weeks after the semester was over the student came into my office after an awkward moment he stuck out his hand and thanked me for giving him the chance to do the rewrite but i don't know what happened to him after that i was at a for an introductory course at a major state university i luckily never had to deal with pressure from the athletic department but i did see the unfortunate outcome of what happens to student athletes who are no longer athletes i had a senior in my introductory class who used to be a very good athlete but was injured and would never play his sport again he assumed he would go on to the pros but was now coming to grips with the fact that this was all over for him he was a great guy and was actually trying in the class but he seemed really scared that it was too late for him i saw him a few months after graduation he was very drunk and yelled out tatoo me which was a bit amusing he was doing some sort of underground mma type fighting for not very much money and was thinking about joining the army the whole situation made me very sad he was clearly used by a system that totally failed him just wanted to clarify that i don't think there's anything wrong with joining the army but it was clearly not this guy's goal in life similar vein slightly off topic i briefly taught at harvard after a group of students petitioned for the existence of the course anyways in passing when the curriculum was being approved one particularly sarcastic individual who oversaw most of the logistics mentioned that the toughest part would be giving everyone the harvard day i laughed fast forward to the end of the course and i submit grades one kid basically did nothing but did fine on the tests and earned the only b of the course i ended up having the most difficult to believe conversation about how because it was a student initiative that even got my course taught if i gave a b i would not be teaching anymore i still shake my head at the memory i wasn't a professor but as a grad student i taught a 1001 class i had an athlete who was on scholarship and had to maintain his gpa but he was failing my class nobody from the athletic department contacted me but he begged and begged me for extra credit or chances to retake tests i didn't have the authority to offer either of those as a day and told him he could take it up with the 1001 advisor my advisor gave him a tutoring schedule and wished him luck on the final but no special credit or extra chances were given to him that weren't given to others and he did end up failing wasn't a professor just a grand instructor i never had the athletics department leaning on me and had that happened my advisor would have ripped them a new one but some athletes did come to me for extra help i was happy to give it if they weren't trying to jerk me around didn't really happen that i can recall most of them were alright guys the only guff i ever got was when something got screwed up with an exam and it took me 20 minutes to fix it and a bunch of guys on the football team started freaking out about being late for practice i guess the coach really breaks their balls if they're late for practice regardless the reason i had the impression that the basketball guys were more likely to cause a fuss than the football guys or probably because the school's b-ball team was and is legendary but the football team has always sucked athletics here at my university sends me a web form every month to update where all of the student athletes are in my class grade wise i've never been pressured or challenged by athletics about a student i know that the athletics department maintains a very large pool of tutors and that they often help guide students into classes and degrees that are less challenging if requested but nothing beyond that goes on here that i'm aware of as a tafe or a lab course i was often told i needed to make special accommodations for the student athletes that were in my section this included extensions on written reports of up to two weeks beyond due dates one-on-one reteach sessions due to absence with or without a written note from a coach or on a day outlined in the calendar they have to submit the first day of class and when the final report was assigned i had an assistant coach personally call me and tell me his athletes deserve special consideration to maintain the high scholastic reputation of the university's student athletes one of them turned it in two days beyond the absolute last day it was allowed and it appeared to me he did not even write it based on his previous work i went to tosu missed enrolling in a large cal class 110 plus people came back a few days later to see if there was any openings and found one in a 17 person class which was strange 17 people is just an uncommon size at that school however i suspected it was because it was summer quarter or something show up to class and it's all athletes i never saw anyone in that class get below a c on an assignment i can't say that it was corruption but i heavily suspected that there was corruption or at least heavy pressure from athletics to make sure everyone passed i remember that the teacher was from germany and was really nervous when he gave out tea evaluations i also saw a football player driving a brand new 2006 truck when i was in college i wondered how because i was so destitute sorry for formating this comes from my phone not a professor but i was a student athlete tutoring college d1 school and i wrote two senior papers that were for athletes both students were capable of writing the papers on their own but i was contracted to do the work by the athletic director of the school because they were crunched for time due to their respective competitions yes i have fired failure due to attendance about four football players at the d1 university that i work for with the coursework they submitted they all would have made f's but i thought the fa was more appropriate since they didn't attend but twice if at all i was contacted by an assistant coach for one of them and told them that i am following the rules set by the university grading system and that they could contact the academic regulation committee for questions or concerns about the university grading system they went to my department chair i had already let him know about the call and he backed me up after that we lost about 25 of our athletes to other majors our grades and passage percent went up 30 percent though i call that a win for the department this happens in freshman year of high school my english teacher who was also the football coach small town said he would give me a b from an f if i agreed to join football for my sophomore year i signed up and he passed me and after report cards came out i quit the team i never intended to play football after grades were final there was a scandal a couple years later involving this teacher and a high school girl not a professor and in my engineering school you knew that sports was not the main purpose because for stats they would usually announce the players gpa quarterback nerdly mcmuffin who is a civil engineering student with a gpa of 3.85 is now attempting to gain a yard by building a suspension bridge over the opposing line i taught at unc chapel hill for several semesters as a tee not professor never had any basketball football players just a few women soccer players and such they were honestly a few of the best students i had so it wasn't an issue for me nice try unc not me personally but it happened at the university i attended for grad school i was a teaching assistant in the english department about a year before i got there at a had busted a handful of football players for plagiarizing those of you who have spent some time in alabama tennessee etc probably understand that the one thing you do not do is frick with sec football the case went all the way to the head of composition who refused to back down not only did the university undermine her at every turn she actually started to receive death threats it got so bad that i think she took a leave of absence she wound up resigning her position and taking a job at a university in another state it was really disillusioning and furthered my desire to not teach at a southern university in sydney you are not allowed to give purely athletic scholarships so in school bands you have a bunch of massive tongans playing the triangle i was a math tay for a while and was asked to help due to some players and one who was failing miserably would always call and schedule appointments to never show up and it got to the point where the coach would schedule it and walk the player there after practice also a different guy pulled the whole i'll do anything to raise my grade it was uncomfortable after that as i'm a female who was in a relationship at the time i've taught courses at a couple large state universities the only contact i've ever had with coaches was the assistant coaches calling to make sure their players were going to class seriously not a professor but when i was a freshman in college i saw three football players beat a 15 year old kid up so badly that he had to be taken away in an ambulance this included dunking him in a retention pond and holding him under a few times the kid had tried to steal one of their scooters i caught the end of the beating from my dorm window on the third floor several people including myself gave statements to the police describing what we saw the newspaper the next day had an article about the football players detaining a thief and didn't say anything about the beating other than saying at the end of the article that the police recommend not trying to detain a thief from what i remember the mother of the beating kid wanted to press charges she was charged with writing bad checks shortly after nothing else ever came of it two of the three football players ended up in the nfl for several years not a professor but i played d1 football we had a regular advisor that you must see from the school to get your number to register for classes and so forth but we also had an advisor strictly for the athletic department i would go to her after choosing classes and she would switch classes around and give me specific one tailored to athletes and would tell me which ones to stay away from with difficult professors i remember this one class she signed me up in the first day the professor split the entire lecture hall and two athletes on one side and regular students on the other there was no homework no papers just one presentation at the end of the course and it was an a for example if there was ever a conflict or a problem of some sort the athletic advisors would get in touch with the professors and things would be taken care of you could get extensions later exam dates and excuses to an extent athletes definitely get some leniency but you have to remember that athletes also put just as much if not more hours of athletics physical training studying into their normal daily routine my head coach was also very respected educated and wise old man who put a lot of emphasis on schoolwork he had a doctorate and was at the university for many many years coach's aides would go around and make sure players were no more than five minutes late to class there was mandatory study hall had to sit in the front and you had to have papers signed by you professor stating you're standing in the court every so often and you were rewarded for great academic standing there were many intelligent hard-working players across all sports that would have 4.0 s in a difficult major and still have time to complete all their athletic endeavors and i've always respected them for that there was also a lot of really dumb fricks too that i don't know how they got through high school and were there strictly to play on saturdays i am a decent student so i've never really experienced what the department has to do to bend over backwards for the really clueless kids i taught a heavily populated intro class at a d1 university i walked back to the back of the classroom on the first exam day and saw a group of football players sitting around a woman who was talking i started asking them what they thought they were doing turns out she was reading the exam to them they couldn't read and had a tutor help them during class i was not informed of this happening beforehand a colleague attempted to have the whole baseball team expelled she got when the team members were not doing their own work for an online class she literally filled out paperwork to expel every player in her class you could not threaten or scare this woman she was terrifying i have no idea how they worked around her to keep their eligibility a few years later the whole baseball program was busted for cheating and had some national championships taken away idiots my grandfather isn't professor emeritus in english and at his first job in the university of alabama as an adjunct teaching first-year english in the 1960s he was intensely pressured by the bear himself to pass a few football players who could barely read he refused which created a rift between him and some of the faculty and he left soon after his girlfriend by now grandmother may or may not have hooked up with joe namath but that's a story for another day i've passed student athletes many times i have been pressured and just decided frick it and let it slide i've taken plenty of bribes i have even just passed players because i wanted them to play i really don't care that much about the ethical implications i didn't become a professor because i really care about educating i chose this profession because the money and benefits are decent and i enjoy the r d side of it i guess while we're at it i'll also confess i have accepted monetary and physical favors as bribes from regular students as well i know i'm what most people would consider a very crappy person for doing all this but i really don't give a freak some people just want to get bj's while the world burns users of ridic what is the worst thing your teacher has ever said in front of a class his name harry balls no really he was a substitute teacher who wrote his name on the board and said i will give you three minutes to laugh but then we gotta get to work come on i will give you three minutes to laugh but then we gotta get to work this teacher knows what's up during english class we were watching tomorrow when the war began those of you who have seen the movie know they stopped the movie talking about freaking the teacher goes fricking is not that great i have actually not had fricked he's a full 30 year old man and says that to a bunch of 13 14 year olds those were the days freshman year in high school a classmate called someone a choden gym class the gym teacher asked him what that means and the student explained they showed is a good student next day the teacher welcomed the class by saying good morning showed honestly at 13 stroke 14 that's about as funny as it gets plot twist he knew at least half of you will be dead by the time you reach 20 years old to a class of 11 year olds i once had a teacher between four sixth grade not sure say that about one stroke four of us would die before the end of high school statistically speaking i've been lucky enough to not have any of my friends die yet i forgot to mention that the reason why i say yet is because i'm only in sophomore year of high school teach was using an example to illustrate a concept he was a very nice bubbly man we all liked him he points at a random student and says for example bob imagine you adopted about half the class cringed as they knew what bob was about to say um i am adopted you could see the gears turning in the poor teacher's mind on ga [ __ ] i can't say sorry because that implies that being adopted is bad omg [ __ ] the silence was palpable as he tried to think of something to say he eventually just turned to another kid are you adopted no okay so imagine stephen is adopted lol poor guy i feel bad for the dude i've been in similar situations before one of my friends is adopted but i often forget i've made jokes about stuff like that and then i remember he's adopted and i die a little on the inside the father of a classmate died in a motorcycle accident he went into a corner too fast and crashed into a tree a couple of days after the accident which was the first day my classmate went to school again our physics teacher decided that it is a good moment to teach the speed doesn't kill you acceleration does lessen with the example of a motorcycle driving into a tree during one year of high school in a bio class the students were fooling around in class not doing their work and the young had to be in her late 20s professor yelled you all stopped jerking off then turned red as she realized what she had just said you can only imagine how that went in a room full of 16 17 year olds lol he told our whole english class quite seriously that for his 30th birthday he wanted two 15-year-old girls to sit on his lap and he even named them i don't know what he was telling us for maybe he thought we would pressure them into doing it or something new year new teacher and his introduction was if you are loud i will hit you with the chalk we all thought it was very funny but the next day we learned what doom was because he never missed i had a prophet had given us an in class assignment he was a crappy teacher and we were first year student so we didn't finish it and he told us to take it home and finish it and when we were done to bring to me bring it to daddy he was greek and didn't know the context but he was the head of the department so we all held back our giggles and left as a greek i can confirm that daddy isn't used as a carnal term as usually as in english because the greek version is just cringe also middle-aged greek men use weird terms all the time you know i once had a substitute teacher for my health class and he went on this long rant about how debauchery can be justified so many people complained about him i am very curious as to what justification he came up with she ate dog food when pregnant because she was craving it and the doctor said it was okay too she would stick pins in her baby brother's feet to make him cry when the brother was older and wanted to play she would lock him in the sewers that the virgin mary was called that because she wasn't married nothing to do with not having had fricked apparently she was our religious studies teacher what on earth i had an art teacher that got caught drinking apparently someone from the previous period told on her the vice principal came into our class and told her to come with him we all heard her yell they drove me to drink from the hallway one of the art teachers at my high school openly talked about drinking in class and dared the administration to fire him i'm not here because i need the money i'm here because i enjoy it this is how i keep enjoying it worst thing and also best thing history class kid punches the kid in front of him in the back of the head teacher sees this and says now he's gonna punch you in the head and you're all gonna sit there and watch because there's nothing you can do about it a punch for a punch leaves the whole world concussed i will be in your butt our band director was trying to fire us up for marching season but he had never given a motivational speech before so he freaked out all the intense parts and made them mildly carnal the morning after parents night boy in the class was talking over the lesson for the 100th time that term and the teacher says johnny this is exactly what i was saying to your mum last night the class burst into laughter the teacher went ready the implication and johnny didn't talk over the lesson anymore sounds like my computing teacher said that all we had to do to understand the reading was to try harder this immediately after someone who was visually impaired told her that no accommodations had been provided so trying harder was kind of out of the realm of possibility we all lost a lot of respect for that teacher that night well uis english i guess it wasn't a problem for you at least a student handed in a blank sheet during a test teacher took it and said students sheet is as much a virgin as every girl in this class we were 13 14 he's done other stuff that made students uncomfortable but we weren't taken seriously had an english sub he was clearly in a hungover state taking naps on an hourly basis when he is awake he's not being a good teacher he would cuss openly in front of the class ask us what we were doing we didn't know and one time he was hitting on some freshman girl loud enough for his flirts to be heard by the whole class he was later removed for unknown reasons i prefer italian subs i'll squeeze your balls little man it was in all guys high school and the teacher was the headmaster a catholic brother teacher he was saying this as a follow-up to a kid acting up and being a wise but he says oh you think acting up means you have bull's kid says yeah amd then he responds to the kid with that gem everyone was weirded out and thought a line got crossed see this is the type of situation where i would be sorely tempted to say you kinky but have the self-control to not do it because that part of my brain hasn't decayed yet had a high school color guard instructor say that she didn't want to see and jiggling when we came back from thanksgiving break so you ladies had better put your fingers down your throats if you can't control yourselves one of the members had recently been hospitalized for anorexia nervosa her comment didn't not go over well classmate explained he couldn't get through the 20-page assignment in time due to his dyslexia old timmy teacher says there's no such thing you're just lazy only about six or seven years ago too i had a history teacher who would take points off for every spelling mistake my dyslexic friend basically had to beg him to exempt him from that rule seventh grade math teacher heard some ninth graders saying that he probably never gets any proceeded to explain to his seventh class that he freaks his 10 years younger wife a lot and that they are in an open polyamorous relationship he was also our homeroom teacher there is a [ __ ] of law behind this teacher and a myriad of other things he's done and our class actually met his wife on a class trip that's why we know it takes a special type of personality to teach grade 7 and 8. i had a teacher when i was 13 stroke 14 years old that said to a girl of the class she was going to end up prostituting in front of the whole class same teacher said to another girl that she was going to end up working at mcdonald's if she kept having bad grades same teacher told the whole class our parents were ungrateful to the pedagogic team that takes care of their children because she didn't receive any chocolates for christmas my biology teacher told me i was going to heck when i was a freshman because i was pregnant he was a preacher at a local church he also used to be the principal my ap bio teacher was a little behind on the times and on the first day of school called a student daddy safe to say everybody busted out laughing and never let her live it down i completely forgot about the time my history teacher called a kid in my class a one pump jump we still call him that in the locker room to this day i mean even if daddy didn't have the meaning it did today that's still a weird thing to call a student a teacher once got fired because at the end of a workshop class she asked all the black students in the class to stand up told them that they would be staying behind to clean the workshop after class and then dismissed all the white students when i was in 10th grade in 1995 96 our geometry teacher told the whole class she had leukemia she was an amazing and beloved teacher broke the hearts of the class i am not proficient in math at all and the sub teacher they had while she was on chemo didn't teach the subject well our original teacher returned for the last semester of the year and basically passed everyone including myself that had showed effort to learn even if they should have had a failing grade she died that summer sometimes the worst thing someone says isn't ignorant or cruel just a statement of fact a hard lesson for people to learn at that age this was like 25 years ago i assure you i have coped by now i'm sorry she sounds like she was an amazing teacher not in my class but one of my professors once said you look like you enjoy riding a bicycle without the saddle wow this exploded just to clarify it was said to a girl so yeah it was that inappropriate in college btw uh it's called called a trials bike old man all the cool kids ride them not me but my older sister once had a class where the teacher got so fed up with kids acting up that she said you kids make me so mad i would hum which one of you won't tell on me you the teacher picked a small quiet and bookish student brought her up in front of the class and physically shook her saying this is what i would do to you all if you were my kids my sister told my mom about this and my mother brought down hellfire and brimstone on the school and got the teacher fired for abuse i was in fifth grade and there were a few students who weren't getting great test scores so during our lesson one day she calls out some of those students and basically paints a really morbid picture of what their future would supposedly be she said they'd end up working at mcdonald's for minimum wage barely making enough to pay rent in a crappy apartment with no way to pay for food electricity or anything else it is not uncommon for elim teachers talk to each other about kids like this they are sometimes called the dfls dumb for life most teachers aren't dumb enough to call them out in class about it though guy history teacher told a student in my class to go home and slit his fat wrists this same teacher would also state after the last class of the day well time to go home and beat the white he also once fired a gun in class although it was only an antique blunderbuss the dude still fired a weapon in class at the start of class our teacher just sat in silence for five minutes we waited for him to begin he then said you have just wasted five minutes of your life you will never get that time back a bit harsh on a class of 9 year olds assembly in front of the whole school ages 3 and up let it slip that santa isn't real for people wondering if they went to my school it was a small religious school in wales the joker level psi warfare i don't know why there are so many girls in this class you're supposed to be married and have children already 11th grade advanced physics teacher i was 13 seventh grade my homeroom teacher was mr baker i lived in a neighborhood a few blocks away from a park and i was finally old enough to get to walk there myself i was overweight and i had started walking there almost every day i would walk the track for hours and then walk back home it was a positive for me and would have probably led to healthier choices down the line one day during free period he called out my name in front of my entire homeroom kids i'd known my whole life plus a few new people he told me that he had seen me walking down the road laughing now he said that he to wait 10 minutes for me to move out of the way because i was blocking half the road most of the class laughed with him i had to sit there holding everything in until the bell rang then i went to the bathroom and sobbed i never walked to the park again i was afraid to leave my house for a really long time that crap was so uncool and fricked me up for a long time people really suck for absolutely no reason and it's just a thing we have to accept and i hate it holy frick i am so sorry what kind of adult thinks that's anywhere near okay to say to a kid and even if he didn't know why you were out there you were outside walking that is a good thing and he freaking punished you for it god i hate mister baker i remember sophomore year of high school we had this seriously obnoxious kid who annoyed us every day he would make some obscene joke and like every joke became a dead horse and complain how hard his life was in school and claimed that the teacher loved making us do this our teacher had enough one day and snapped he looks at him dead in the [ __ ] eye and yells you don't know what crap i put up with you little sucker to give clarification this teacher has had many years of teaching experience was a u.s army ranger and was an emt very nice and friendly individual who could be lenient he also taught both algebra classes an ap physics and an ap calculus course that kid only did three things eat smoked weed and played video games he's been arrested three time now i go to anger management school sometimes the teachers lose it they once said shut the frick up this is why teachers give uc worksheets ironic i was a first year high school teacher teaching a subject i loved but i was honestly in over my head the kids were pretty understanding about my inexperience and i had a sarcastic self-deprecating sense of humor that they seemed to enjoy i borrowed a labrum one lay the pull down screen in that room had a rope cord tied to the handle for raising and lowering it as i finished explaining a new concept i teach chemistry and we were using some tricky math that day and set the kids to practice i raised the screen and saw that someone in another period had tied the cord into a nose and so i the so-called responsible adult in a room of 17 year olds said and here's a news for you in case you want to kill yourself after all that most of the kids laughed but i was mortified and immediately apologized almost a decade later i'm still friendly with some of the students who were in that period and they won't let me live it down one of them tells me that's the moment i became her favorite teacher thank god no one reported me to the principal but they would have been absolutely right to do so oh my god that's hilarious inappropriate but hilarious i had a religion teacher in high school named mr wen who was working on becoming a jesuit priest and was a really cool guy he always had a smile on his face and did his best to make class a fun experience for everyone there was a kid in my class who was a really annoying smart butt but mr when was always really patient with him until one day he pushed him too far i forgot exactly what the kid said but it definitely crossed the line mr when slammed his fists on his desk and shouted why can't you ever shut the frick up he then picked up his stapler and chucked it at the kid missing his head by a few inches and leaving a huge dent in the wall and then stormed out into the hallway i had never seen a teacher blow up like that and i definitely never expected it from him i'm not a native english speaker however we do have english lessons in my country since we're in elementary school when i was in third grade i had this english teacher who told us french fries meant strawberries yes i'm not making this up worst part is as there was an activity in our workbooks where we had to draw burgers with french fries i thought this is a bit weird isn't it eating burgers with strawberries on the side haha so i got home that day and told my aunt who also thought it was a weird combination and searched french fries in the dictionary and of course found out the true meaning in the next class i walked to the teacher's desk and told him discreetly um i think you may be mistaken french fries means french fries and strawberries means strawberries well he looked at me as if i had gone mad and told me french fries is just another way to say strawberries oh wellol in french strawberry is phrase so he probably meant like french phrase little backwards but when i taught a class of fifth grade hard knocks literally reading extremely below level and i was switched from my happy second grade class to them mid-school year bc their behavior was so out of control i always told them to put their hands in their lap during carpet learning time that if i stepped on their fingers when i walked through them as i constantly did to engage in academic conversation with them i wouldn't feel bad they didn't give a crap about rules much less a crap about me well one day i was wearing heels as i stepped through them as i sat on the carpet i accidentally drove the stick of my heel into a kid's hand i not so silently said crap and immediately asked the kid if he was okay some of the kids smiled but no one said or screamed anything from that day on most of their behavior issues disappeared and we got some extremely beneficial academics in i think them knowing i was human too and that i did care about them changed everything and to legit onto the question when a sub was doing roll call in high school she asked trujo is truha here the girl's name was thursday ho cuz ppl are asking about carpet learning time i'm in the us in elementary my state at least we do a majority of our main lesson with kids sitting on the floor it gets them out of their desk and allows them to converse with their peers about what they're learning a well-placed sweat can really break the walls between formal groups gym teacher used to always say quit playing pocket pool and run faster not something he said but sixth grade teacher rubbed one out in the back of class while we all watched a movie high school ap history teacher was demonstrating swing dancing with student didn't ask for permission just told the girl to come demonstrate with him he did the move where he lifts a girl and on the way down she straddles him could tell the girl was super embarrassed the 12th of september 2001 we should just carpet bomb all of the towel heads in that whole dessert and be done with this my european history teacher that wasn't a very cash money thing to say while asking everyone in the class what they'd like to study at uni hyping up everyone so they could help us pick our your 11 stroke 12 courses my years welfare advisor stopped at me and out loud in front of the class told me i am not cut out for uni and maybe a more obtainable goal would be like a cleaning lady jokes on you timmy i start next week just to specify this is definitely no hate on cleaners you guys are essential and i have total respect for the profession it's a tough job i was offended by the calling out about university more than anything plus who says you can't be a cleaner and have a degree you absolutely can [Music] teachers what was the best smart butt response from a student you have heard there was this awesome history teacher i had freshman year of high school who was just always in an amazing mood we'll call him mr smith one day everyone is sitting in class waiting for the tardy bell to ring when a kid sneaks a condom onto the door handle the bell rings and mr smith walks into the room grabs the handle to close the door and pulls the condom off of it looks at the condom helmet for a split second and stuffs it into his pocket while saying thanks i'll need this later in high school one of my teachers was having a disagreement with a student i can't remember what it was about but finally the teacher asked him if she wanted her to call his mother the student replies do it then my mama will agree with me too the teacher then asks him to leave her class he goes you know what i'm gonna call my mom for you he then whips out his cell phone and calls his mom on speaker hey ma this teacher want to talk to you the whole class just lost it my buddies and i used to like to play ultimate frisbee on the football field during lunch we were told not to organized sports were supposed to be that organized they didn't want kids getting hurt without supervision anyway one day we said screw it and decided to do it anyway so they turned the sprinklers on us didn't stop us we kept playing and finally they sent a security guard out to get us detention for the rest of the day in the cold cafeteria soaked and cold so we started chattering and talking but it's hard to stay quiet when you're shivering anyway the coach watching over detention told everyone to shut up you will sound like a bunch of canaries in a cage everyone got silent then one person started it and it slowly grew cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap cheap moo bahaha yeehaw yeehaw the coach couldn't help but start laughing then turned the air even colder bastard i've taught preschool for years and one of my favorite dad responses to children who are being whiny just to whine is the hi i'm your teacher egg i'm thirsty hi thirsty i'm your teacher anyway one day after a long week i sat down to lunch with my class preschool remember four five year olds and say to a child we'll call him tommy boy tommy i'm really tired today without skipping a beat he swallows his mac and cheese looks me right in the eyes and says hi really tired i'm tommy that was the day i knew i had taught him all i could i'm a preschool teacher too and for some reason that age group getting humor is the funniest thing ever we have a student who has english as a second language and one day as he was eating his lunch he announced to the group i'm really liking this smashed potato cube and sitting next to him snorting mashed potato out of his nose not a teacher but this happened in an upper-level french class where you can only speak french if you speak english the teacher scolds you in french my friend walked in a few minutes late for a quiz and wasn't allowed to take it my friend looked at the teacher and said in english that's balls the teacher looked back angrily and said also in english what did you just say my friend and friend says messier he got kicked out of the class in french class we had one guy say to his friend oh you bastard right as the teacher walked in front of them and the whole class got quiet we thought they were in for it instead she goes and francis say batted in middle school in history class this happened girl hey mister c how do you spell word idr mr c d-i-c-t-i-o-n-r-y she writes it down stares at it for a moment trying to comprehend why it doesn't look right gets pierced teacher class is dying teacher laughing as well i always wondered how you're supposed to look up in a book a word you don't know how to spell like sure you've probably got the first letter so you know roughly which section it's in but after that it could be basically anywhere as far as you know not me but a colleague told me this story it was one of his first years teaching so he was about 22-24 at the time it was a junior high science class and he told the student to stop messing around and get back to work the student's response man i got to be older than you all i'm looking at right now is a b younger than me back to work my sister who is a teacher was taking her kindergarten class through the lunch line well this day was saint patrick day so there was green cupcakes my sister told the class jokingly don't eat too many cupcakes or you'll turn green a young black boy looks up at her and says miss carey i ain't never seen a green brother before till brothers don't get jealous in biology during high school the teacher was teaching us about food chains in a very the house that jack built manner he got to cats eat mice but what eats cats although he was referring to fleas i being chinese immediately said chinese people the class burst out in laughter but then i had to stand up and apologize to all the chinese people in men's choir in college we were singing the little drummer boy the director stopped our singing and explained something to us he got distracted and went off on a tangent for about five seven minutes then he pulled himself back around but couldn't remember where he had stopped he asked himself out loud hum now where were we someone in the basses said i think we were on pun the whole choir just lost it not a teacher my english teacher in high school was going on about how she thought that learning another language was good for creativity and thinking outside the box she asked the class what language they thought was best you got the standard french italian etc finally the smartest just blurts out newspeak would be double plus good teacher absolutely lost it i was showing cosmos in a break between classes and one kid seemed particularly enthralled by the tardigrade so his wissy's friend goes small minds are amused by small things the kid retorted why do you think i hang out with you the whole class went bananas and even i went over and high-fived that kid it was a great class the victim was laughing as hard as anyone i miss those kids that was a kid who could deal it out and take it i had a friend who got into an argument with their teacher about the whole eye before except after see thing and if it sounds like an ati my friend told his teacher that wasn't always true so she got defensive and started going off about her lit degree and how she knows more than him his response was no seriously there are some weird words where that rule doesn't apply but she kept saying that it wasn't true and he kept saying the same thing over and over there are some weird words where that doesn't apply he did this like five times and finally she snapped and yelled like what he just yells weird she permanently kicked him out of her class for being a smart butt well that's a pretty weird reason to kick someone out not a teacher but i had a real cu next tuesday of a chemistry teacher i was only a few steps away from the classroom entrance when the bell rang she asked why i was late told her the bell rang before i got here since then i never received above a c on any of my work even in group labs i personally would receive a letter grade lower than my lab mates english teacher here i told a rowdy student to pipe down and work on her social studies test it was a study hall she said she would if i allowed her one meaningless act of rebellion i asked her what and she immediately burst out laughing and said can i put tape on your arm so she put a single piece of scotch tape on my arm and then happily worked on her test for the next 40 minutes kids will never stop mystifying me i once promised a kid that i would arm wrestle him if he finished whatever it was he was working on he happily worked on it for half an hour then came to claim his prize sometimes the littlest things work pz1 he was 11 in my defense he was a massive samoan kid and i am a short white girl we had a teacher that would always threaten to phone our home if we were misbehaving which he promptly stopped after teacher what would your mother say if i called home right now student she would say hello my math teacher said if you don't understand ask me there are no stupid questions where a guy in my class quickly responded is that so do you cut your toenails with a chainsaw not a teacher but in class when i was younger a kid was causing trouble and the teacher got after him but the kid was complaining about the desks and the teacher asked should we just get rid of them all and sit in here indian style the kid responded you mean with a six-pack on the cub he got kicked out oldest meanest english teacher at my school was going over adjectives and modifiers all day super boring reject student gets up to use bathroom and is told to get a hall pass he then says something like i hate these dang hall passes teacher is pee and respond angrily with what did you say and the kid responds with dang hall passes dang modifies whole passes mic drop and he's gone i'm not a teacher but this is a story about my titches response to one particular smart butt answer so my high school mythology teacher mr d would have his honors class students help him grade tests from the other classes he would always require properly spelled right in answers no multiple choice for him so we'd get the tests he'd read off the answers and we'd mark them accordingly one of his questions was who was the wife of king menace now according to our greek law pacifi minos's wife was the one who had fricked a bull and gave birth to the minotaur so mr d tells us that the answer is pacifi and one of the students kinda timidly raises his hand uh mr d goes what you got um they wrote the less the class breaks into laughter mr d grinsen thinks about it a second i like it half credit that's why he was everyone's favorite teacher good sense of humor and the fact that the answer knew that minos's wife was the one who birthed the minor torment that at least some of the mental connections were there so they got credit a great guy mr d for dionysus like most spanish classes all the students had mexican versions of their names egg robert equals roberto kyle was sleeping in class one day when the teacher tried to wake him by calling him by his mexican name carlos after saying carlos multiple times without getting him to wake up she got impatient and yelled kyle so kyle wakes up and says milamo s carlos milamo s carlos equals i call myself is carlos this happened to my best friend in his french high school physics class one day the teacher was in a grouchy mood and couldn't get the control of his classroom people talking laughing generally not paying attention he was never good at controlling his class but i guess this day he had enough he goes off on a rant yelling and screaming about how he deserves respect and how they need to listen mind you all of this is in french he then goes to say that they should be polite because he is being polite now polite in french as poli pronounced poli so the teacher in his raging rant says boy jesus poli translating to emmy i am polite at this point the class goes silent for a moment after my friend blurts out in english how you're doing poorly at that point the tension was broken amongst the student and laughter filled the room the teacher wasn't impressed kid has his head down at the back of science class every day never does any work but we all know he's quite smart teacher calls him out for it one day and says why do you sleep so much at the back of the class do you think you're smarter than everyone do you think you know everything in the book he raises his head wearily and says i've done all the work at home just leave me alone all alrighty really yes if you can answer a few questions on the book you can sleep for the rest of the term okay if you can't then you'll sit right at the front and not put your hair down once okay he then began to answer every question the teacher could throw at him she even pulled up stuff we weren't ever going to study in the back of the book and he just answered every question flawlessly by the end of this three-minute exchange he asked we done the teacher was speechless so he said thanks and put his head down again it was sick this is more well timed than smart but but once in middle school this kid next to me was looking and acting like he was sick and asked to be excused from class the teacher asked why the kid was about to respond but then immediately threw up all over his desk and onto the floor after a bit of coughing he looked up and muttered that's why our teacher was teaching us about the states of mata solid liquid and gas he was talking about how a solid you can break into littler pieces but how you can't do the same to liquids or gases so i blurt out but you can break wind i still talk to that teacher and he says that was the best part of his teaching career this was in sixth grade that is gold right there i'm a diving coach and i have four divers i'm responsible for so i don't usually get swimmer's contact info we were on our way to a meet and one of the swimmers was not on the bus i said who has redacted s number no one so obviously i got mad this is your teammate and not one of you girls has her phone number to text her so one of my divers chimed in why don't you coach i said i have four divers i don't need another 30 high school girls numbers in my phone she replied hahaha you wish easily the best burn of my coaching career damn it becky i said i don't need another 30 high school girls numbers in my phone the 30 i have on rotation already is enough our football coach taught economics at our second rate high school in south texas when the material was too boring for him he would often do some kind of trivial pursuit flash cards one time he pulled a card from the deck that asked what city has zero percent population growth the smart butt in the class quickly raised his hand and other students were baffled as usual so he called on the smart butt with a quick reply the smart butt said the vatican of course because little boys can't get pregnant in grade 8 we were learning some kind of tough math and the teacher wanted to challenge us and give us something just out of our skill range only problem was he needed to give us a mini lesson so we would be pointed in the right direction and do it herself it was close to the end of the day so we're all acting up and being loud as the teacher says if you don't pay attention you won't be able to do this question sure you can shout one of the genius kids then come up here and do it planning on having the genius embarrass himself with this clearly advanced math for a 13 year old he hops up grabs the chalk starts working on the problem narrating every step drop the chalk and says then just solve it normally the teacher was stunned likely because it was the right answer i have always wondered if this was some kind of fluke or as lucas really was that smart my aunt is a kindergarten teacher she saw a kid carrying another kid on his back she told them to not do that because they wouldn't grow then the kid on top asked her and who did you carried dut my aunt is 1.54 metres tall in religious studies teacher ganesh is the remover of obstacles i have a little statue of him in my house me is he in your bathroom teacher why would he be me ganesh is the remover of obstacles right that teacher laughed for 10 minutes straight mandatory i'm not a teacher but here goes in choir one day a male class clown was sitting with the soprano section before class teacher comes in and starts class without noticing him he had long hair but still hard to imagine anyway 20 minutes and she realizes it and laughs a bit she asks him if he's been there the whole time and that he must look like a girl to fit in so well without missing a beat he replied i guess i am what i eat the class and teacher lost it many years later they would come to learn that long-haired franklin really did eat girls he was arrested and sentenced to death for his heinous crimes against nature and the people present in that classroom would all recall this event and think we should have known we should have known for context this was at a catholic school and the teacher a very stern fire and brimstone nun and the student an extremely liberal anglican had been at each other's nerves all year after correcting the teacher on something she had gotten wrong the nun said something along the lines of i hope you learn to enjoy the heat because it's going to be very hot when you end up in the deepest level of heck and entirely unruffled without a moment's hesitation she responded actually according to dante's inferno the deepest level of heck is made of ice but don't worry i'll bring a jacket dante's inferno isn't exactly biblical canon though high school spanish we had the absolute shittiest teacher ever it was done over cameras and she simultaneously taught three classes everyone including the class monitor hated her anyway about halfway through the year enters eddie now eddie's mom moved from our little backwards town years ago to pursue modelling in spain and has now returned with her son who was born and raised in spain people loved eddie very bright funny and had a very open european personality of course eddie knew spanish better than his english which was atrocious and he kinda sounded like arnold schwarzenegger after a stroke but i assume spanish class is pretty equivalent to english class no one talks like this and written spoken english are two different beasts after a test which he bombed he got in an argument over the mic which was a classic it said like this and no no the proper way is this after a few minutes you could tell he had had it he pushed the button on mike to speak and literally said watch look i'm from freaking spain and left the entire student population and her slack jordan speechless i went to a catholic high school one day in religion class a girl asked if dogs went to heaven our teacher said number the girl said but it happened in some movie i can't remember what movie she said the teacher said you can't believe what you see in movies a guy in the back of the class jumped in and said passion of christ was a movie my grandmother was a librarian for a school in flint there was one teacher she didn't get along with who was subbing for a class when the teacher was taking attendance she called upon a kid called sleevester and she pronounced it sylvester he corrected her and said it was pronounced slyvester she asked what idiot named you that and the kid replied my dad's livestream here one second grader to another jimmy if you turn out the lights in the bathroom and say bloody mary three times she'll appear becky a bloody mary is a drink stupid they start so young one of my questions on a quiz i made was use one of the following vocabulary words in a sentence a student response abdicate is one of our vocab words this unit i had to give him full credit did this to a teacher in middle school i wrote i do not know the meaning of insert word here she gave me full marks i was a student in the class not the teacher the class was anatomy and physiology and we were studying human reproduction our teacher was discussing how measuring your basal body temperature to determine ovulation she recommended that women take their temperature at bedtime just as your head hits the pillow one of the seniors piped up wouldn't that ruin the mood our teacher had to go out in the hall she was laughing so hard i live in a latin american country so the name jesus is really common so one day while in music class a mate from another class comes to give some kind of announcement none of us are paying attention while he is trying to talk so the teacher angrily shouts everyone listen to jesus to which a friend replied listen to his word hallelujah one of my buddies in high school gym class was jumping back and forth between the bleachers which be off the gym teacher the gym teacher scolded him and asked how would you like it if i came to your house and jumped all over your couches in which my buddy replied i would be kind of creeped out if you came into my house the whole class loved it this is a story about me back in the day we were discussing in class what our term papers were going to be on we go around the classroom saying our subject it falls on me me space exploration teacher well space is very big me that's accurate there were lots of laughs and i still feel bad about this occurrence today i cringe at the thought of it and don't know if my teacher took it jokingly or if i seemed like a huge douchebag ms mcphillips if you're reading this i meant it jokingly by space exploration i meant like mars missions and this mishap in the classroom was only several years ago she's not dead teachers of predict what are your worst experiences with helicopter parents teacher at a private school in south korea here every one of my students parents is a ch 47 chinook of a parent so the courses i teach are specifically geared for the students who want to study in the united states during college i teach classes to prepare them for the sats i teach english conversation to help them be more fluent although most of them were pretty good with english to begin with and i teach in an american university style to help them get used to the format the thing is i essentially have no control over grades in principle i do because they are my classes but the reality is totally different because it's a private school every one of the parents pays money to get their kids in and pay a whole lot more for them to be part of this international program this means that if their kid isn't doing well they have a pretty good chance of packing them up and taking them to a competing school so because of this every one of my students gets near perfect grades not because they earned them but because my principal has flat out told me that they all have to pass and do well even if they only ever sleep in class and about half of them do it's nice to know i'm not alone in my frustrations with the education system here i had a parent come in with their child a year ago with one of those weefy cell phone radiation detector thingies and during the first five minutes of class walked around the room him in tow she finally pointed to a seat for him to sit in and then came up to me and asked if there was any way i could make the building maintenance staff aware that the radiation levels were still quite high also had a different parent year before that asked me to not use both the chalkboard and whiteboard in any class i can understand the chalkboard during class because i have had kids with asthma who react build the whiteboard and ever how did she expect me to teach one of my mom's teacher colleagues had a parent call and complain because the teacher had written a note to the student in red pen apparently using the red pen came off as aggressive they actually make purple pens for that very reason sheesh i'm not a teacher but i'm in high school and i directed some of the kids in my school's middle school division in a play of treasure island one day when we weren't allowed access into the theater we did a rehearsal at the house of this girl let's call her g her mother let's call her m invited us to come over and at first i was wary as something always seemed a bit off about her like she was always in an insane rush to get her daughter home after all of our regular rehearsals but they had a very large house and i didn't want to give up the space so i agreed to do the rehearsal there once we were there and politely greeted us but gee was holed up in her room i asked if she could come and join us but then kept insisting we start the rehearsal without her i explained to her that g was one of the most important parts of the play and it would be hard to practice without her but em just kept saying that she had work to do and wasn't available but finally after about half an hour g came out to meet us but her crazy mother told us that she could only stay for 15 minutes and then she had to go back to her work she then turned to her mother and said i don't have any work to which em responded yes you do sweetie in the most passive aggressive way i've ever heard someone talk to their child i decided to stay out of it and we started rehearsing with her i then opened my laptop to show them a video of what they did bitten happened to be walking past at the time and she ran over and slammed my laptop slid down shouting no media repeatedly and then lifted it up and ran away with it somewhere it was my computer so i followed her and asked for it back and she carefully explained that they were a no media family and that it's important that g isn't exposed to that she then said that her daughter should get back to work anyway but i said we needed five more minutes when i got back to g she said isn't my mom so annoying and i wasn't sure how to respond but she saw the uncertainty in my face and kept talking about her mother it turned out that g wasn't allowed to watch tv go on any computer even listen to music on an ipad just do her schoolwork and read books that had already been read by her parents she was in sixth grade so of course she didn't have that much work to do but her mother would make her study her notes from the day every day and would frequently make her do homework again as it wasn't long enough gee could have been getting straight as with less than half of the work she had to do so i told him that she shouldn't put so much pressure on her daughter and she responded to that by kicking me out of the house her parents got divorced a year later and her father has full custody and i couldn't be happier tl dr girl has crazy mom who makes her do schoolwork even when she has important commitments and doesn't have any schoolwork to do uncle was a teacher for 25 years at a fairly prestigious school and told me some fairly unbelievable horror stories i'll just talk about the one that sticks out in my mind he had taught several grades and at this point i believe he was teaching a sixth grade class but there was a boy in the class who was very for lack of a better word stupid this isn't uncommon in schools but this kid was simply thicker than brick and couldn't seem to grasp anything that was being taught to him catch 22 as he had a father who was the chief of police in town and mother who worked closely with the mayor anyways my uncle had been teaching a chapter in history and assigning homework for day when the boy stood up and started yelling about how stupid history was and that my uncle was dumb for attempting to teach it to them needless to say the boy was sent to the office for verbally abusing a teacher this is where the story gets somewhat interesting while the boy was in the office he had begun crying and started to fabricate a story about how my uncle had called him an idiot outright in the classroom and that all he did was retort saying no i'm not jerk or something to that effect he then began requesting to speak to his parents of course the headmaster obliged and let him call his parents and at the same time summoned my uncle to the office to discuss what was going on five minutes later as my uncle had just finished explaining what had happened both the boy's parents burst into the office guns blazing if you will not literally the husband attempted to arrest him with his wife basically spitting in my uncle's face as she was yelling at him all the while their boy was sitting there smiling and apparently laughing as my uncle was taken from the room by the chief of police all pretty absurd as you can imagine with a full room of witnesses in the children the actual story came to light fairly quickly but instead of apologizing and trying to save face the husband began telling a tale of how my uncle had resisted arrest and erected forcefully and struck him as he was attempting to gain control over him in the office i found out later that both the parents approached the headmistress after the fact and offered her an ultimatum to agree with what they were saying or they would make her life a living heck all instead of simply admitting they were wrong the husband lost his job and the wife was severely demoted to death clerk after everyone figured she tried to use her position as leverage in the situation and as if this whole thing wasn't humorous enough my uncle still swears to this day nailing the headmistress saved my life definitely my career what a lovely man he is your uncle is a bamf k-12 music teacher here for discipline i use the three strikes you're out method with kindergarten i use the happy face sad face on the whiteboard dependent upon behavior each day i had a parent sneak into my classroom during my lunch period and erase his son's name from the sad facelist on the board claiming that he got a feeling while he was at work that his son was being mistreated at school he could only believe that i had wrongfully accused his son of something because his son was an angel he picked the lock to come in and defend his son not a teacher but i had a best friend growing up with very strange parents they were nice people but wanted to keep their children protected from everything one day when my friend i were about 11 years old we were changing into bathing suits in her bathroom i noticed we were both starting to grow pubic hair so i asked her if she knew what puberty was she said yes i asked her if she had her period yet she was completely oblivious to what a period was at age 11 that is pretty standard information i have a very medically open family who taught me all the correct lingo so i explained that a period was a normal thing that happened when you when you reach physical maturity yada yada yada well my friend's mother i soon found out like to put her ear up to the door whenever we were in private after we walked out of the bathroom she scolded me wagging her finger saying there were some inappropriate and wrong things you never discuss with other people i started crying because i didn't think that those things were wrong she even called my mother and told her how inappropriate i was and said i needed to learn my manners here's the m night shyamalan twist five days later my friend got her period could you have imagined how scared she would have been if i hadn't told her what it was we even got a phone call from her mother apologizing moral of the story teach your kids about their bodies folks i work in college housing last year i worked at a small midwestern university the demographics are 90 white kids a staff member was from ghana and had set up this international student sponsorship program with the government officials it was really awesome the students went to arrive until a week or so after college classes started i informed my student staff of this and also told them to inform their residents that people of different cultures have different customs and to make sure they feel welcome to campus i received a call from a mother shortly after student staff had their meetings saying that her son was concerned that his new roommate would smell i inquired further and she said that her son told her that her new roommate was from an african country and the mother did research online and found that international students tend to not bathe as frequently as americans she then suggested that we house them separately from the american students i told her we do not assign rooms by race ethnicity physical orientation etc she again brought up housing them together so i said something along the lines of excuse me marmbert you're suggesting that we separate the african students from the american students do you recognize the historical significance of how utterly insulting this is not me but my girlfriend is a teacher and last year one of her co-workers had a mom that was convinced that it wasn't her sweet baby who was the problem it was the teacher of course so she asks the principal to sit in on the class and is allowed this goes on for months despite the teacher saying numerous times to the principal that the lady is crazy the principal is more worried about the pta than the teachers and lets her keep coming finally the teacher says if she is still here tomorrow i am leaving and not coming back until she is gone the next day she was still there and the teacher left the lady kept coming for two weeks of substitutes before the principal finally said she had to stop coming ro it only took two weeks for the principal to grow a pair some administrators never do throughout their entire career i'm not a teacher but i work in student affairs at a college and we had a parent who called the president of the college because her daughter had not called her back in 12 hours the student had gone out with friends the night before and forgotten her cell phone so her mom called the school in a panic the next morning wanting us to track down her daughter who's in college we had an employee whose mother called her daughter's manager tracked home phone via phone book because the daughter stayed out all night at the work christmas party and didn't call home the daughter was 30 years old i wasn't really a teacher i worked in daycare but they called me a teacher anyway when my class was two i worked there three years had the same class the whole time for the most part i had this one kid whose mother made me want to strangle her in fact i wanted to strangle the entire family my boss had absolutely no spine and denied the parents nothing nothing so this one parent wanted me to track her son's entire day and write a log every day if i didn't have at least a full sheet of paper she would flip the frick out i had to record every little thing this kid did including every word he used times etc and the kid was an absolute terror he was a big spoiled brute he was bigger than most of the four year olds initially i would include his behavior problems in his report but the mom got so mad at me her angel couldn't possibly have hit little jimmy in the head with a fire truck never mind that jimmy has a goose egg on his forehead i was just trying to blame my negligence on her child ugh she was usually the very last parent to pick up usually late sometimes being as much as a half an hour after closing and so i would normally be alone when i'd get the verbal lashing as i either opened the daycare or closed apparently the other teachers didn't get so much abuse as i did the situation only stopped when another parent had been a little late as well and was taking their child to the bathroom before they left for home he comes out with his daughter as this woman is calling me all sorts of horrible things because i forgot something in the note from the day before and blah blah blah the dad is all horrified when he comes out with his daughter and the woman shuts up after that after that point either he or his wife was always there until the big brute was picked up and i think either he spoke to her or he spoke to my boss but a few weeks later she pulls her kid out of the daycare as far as i know he wasn't allowed back into any center in the area because of his mom and his biting i just want to say thank you to all teachers reading this thread i have a child in preschool and have witnessed some craziness myself i went to pick up my kid and heard the teacher say to one of the moms just so you know the bottom of chloe's shirt is a bit wet she spilled some water while painting but i dried it off as much as possible no big deal right and nice of the teacher to take the time to mention a tiny spill big freaking deal to this mom i don't understand why that would have happened this concerns me that my daughter isn't being supervised this is a brand new shirt are you freaking kidding me this is also of course the mom that has her four-year-old still in diapers because she doesn't have an interest in potty training and i would never try to force her to do something she doesn't want to do so at least once daily the teacher has to stop the class to go into the bathroom and change her teachers get far too little respect and pay for what they do if society paid on the importance of a job teachers would be on the top tear there are very few jobs where the person can say today i made a difference in someone's life and teachers can say that almost every day getting a good teacher is like hitting the jackpot the level of commitment and dedication they provide is remarkable often they know their students better than the parents do after i witnessed the heli mom having a breakdown i went home and emailed the teacher a note just saying i wanted them to know how much i appreciate her and what an amazing job she does on a daily basis i got a phone call from her in tears thanking me and telling me how much that meant to her if you your child has a great teacher take a moment to tell them that it will mean the world to them i really don't think most people fully grasp the amount of time and effort it requires to be in the teaching field i hate hearing the smart asses say they have the easiest job great house and a summer vacation but how hard can it be you try getting up in front of a group of 25 kids daily all eyes on you providing them with a meaningful education while catering to many completely different levels of knowledge and needs making sure each and every person gets it discipling reading essays grading papers creating daily lesson plans that need to be molded to a curriculum attending meetings running conferences communicating with parents tutoring after school changing classroom decor purchasing supplies out of pocket due to budget cuts all while having to stay meticulously organized and on top of things while maintaining family relationships on a salary that for the most part barely allows the average person to make ends meet and tell me that these people don't deserve a couple months off in the summer thanks again teachers your work is greatly appreciated this one time we asked a child's father who was and probably still is a high-ranking d agent to give a speech to the students and he showed up in a helicopter i'm not a teacher but that did actually happen when i was in school the helicopter entrance was meant to get us excited and it really did helicopters are awesome only awesome helicopter parent not a teacher but i knew a guy in high school whose mom was like a dang apache helicopter she would hound teachers for any little thing that her son mentioned she had most of the teachers scared or at least annoyed with dealing with her that her son who was a decent guy actually though obviously spoiled never had to deal with a dang thing his mom had him take all the easiest classes as well so that he would be valedictorian which he ended up getting because our school was [ __ ] and didn't weight advanced versus remedial classes my uncle was a biology teacher at our school and told me how she would call every day to make sure what his homework assignments were when tests were why he got mark tardy etc insane my mom used to read over my papers and say that they were utter crap that they read like a [ __ ] person wrote them sometimes she'd do this while hitting me she'd then sit down and slowly write out an essay that i was supposed to turn in all the while telling me how much of a disappointment i was when i turned it in it would be obvious that she wrote it she was a lawyer so everything that she wrote sounded cold detached and very very legal her version never followed the prompt she'd get lost in the formatting noteworthy in that the formatting that she used was not the one that we learned in class i'd usually get a c or d when i turned in her versions one teacher even wrote don't get your parent to write this crap right next to a big red bee she then beat me and said that i was a freaking [ __ ] for getting such a low grade whenever i managed to write a paper without her interference i'd usually get a b or an a teachers would compliment me on my writing she never did though not once she did the same thing when i was typing my eagle scout report no matter what i wrote it would be crap i even copied a similar project's report word for word just replacing a few words when needed apparently that was crap too this was a report that was basically already passed by the council but it wasn't good enough for her i remember crying a lot eventually she just wrote it herself my eagle ceremony was 15 minutes i didn't invite any of my friends the badge is now collecting dust under my dresser i've never bothered to get it out from under there i love scouts but i am not at all proud of my eagle rank when i think back to my project i don't think of helping little kids in a title 1 public school i think of the crap my mom used to do it remains one of the worst experiences of my life anyway that's the worst helicopter parent that i know dang it felt good to type that out not a teacher but great helicopter parent story one time my assistant's mother called me to say that her son had overslept and he would be late to work homeboy is 27 years old and does not live at home anymore wtf kind of person would rather call his mother than his own manager to say he'll be late not a teacher but i went to wvu my freshman year during orientation the residency halls had meetings with the students and the parents individually the student meeting went well enough the students seemed to be smart enough to figure things out and asked good questions however according to my mom during the parent meeting a woman asked who will do my daughter's laundry if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: Updoot Everything

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Keywords: teachers, teacher stories, school stories, school, students, education, high school, college, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2019, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh

Id: F_z42PcUsKw

Length: 108min 59sec (6539 seconds)

Published: Sun Dec 06 2020