Talking with ExtraEmily - @extraemily

hello hello hello Dr K nice to meet you nice to meet you too is it okay if I call you Emily yes that'd be great and um I I watched your instructions on how to eat a soup dumpling recently you did did you agree that is not how I eat them really so so what I do is I I put them in the spoon and I bite off the top okay the volcano method oh they're they're names for these things yes yes so I do the nibble method but that's the volcano method right and then you pour the soy sauce in or the sauce well I usually just blow and then then I will I'll blow into the top to cool it down so I don't burn myself and then I eat with the soup in the dumpling yeah okay well yeah I mean that's but you know to to each their own and it was interesting to see that there was that technique I shall try that the next time I go out for dumplings with my kids so funny uh uh like I clicked on my stream at that moment um it was a I realized I'm interviewing this person and I'm sure I was curious about the content that you make and uh fell down the rabbit hole of your awesome awesome content um do you want to just tell us a little bit about where people can find you and what kind of content you do definitely uh so hello everyone my name is extra Emily I stream only on Twitch and I usually do uh just streams that's like my main focus so uh twitch.tv extra Emily and my streams are like IRL challenges so I love going in public and making a big fool out of myself and uh so recently I did Urban kayaking which is I took a kayak to a skate park and I was like rowing my vote down the slopes and whatnot so uh stuff like that yeah okay that sounds very hard yeah I got a I got like a little scuff here and but it's yeah how do you kayak without water oh yes you just have to have really good balance so uh you just kind of row this sounds like a profound spiritual technique you know it's like it's like squeezing water from a stone or you know what is the sound of one hand clapping or how does one how does one kayak in a skate park without water yes you must be one with the kayak or something like that yes yeah cool so thank you so much and and so what what is there something in particular you wanted to talk about today um when I was asked to do the interview a few things came to my mind so it'd be great to like talk about dealing with burnout for example um and uh not having like ways to cope with stress I think would also be really helpful sure and yeah because that's like kind of the biggest things that I uh have to deal with right now is like I'm worried uh like there's a lot of pressure I feel like so I just like want to be able to navigate my stress a little better sure so um what are you dealing with right now uh well I'm I'm like very analytics folks folks so I'm I'm so that's like my biggest fear so uh I'm kind of entering and I realize that I'm entering the start of like this uh kind of unhealthy cycle where I have to one up my content every week or else I feel like oh maybe my streams aren't as good anymore um but I'm trying to balance it out slowly so I don't burn out too quick okay you don't burn out too quick so it's okay to burn out just as long as you burn out and at an acceptable pace five years then that'll be be good for me yeah so because you'll you'll have made it by then right exactly yeah that'll be good like I want to send uh yeah so I just want to make sure I have enough longevity until then what what what why the five years I don't know 30 seems like a nice number so I'm like oh 30 be like a great milestone to hit and then uh I would prefer to do it like more like 30 32 but I don't know I feel like doing the things that I do as like a 35 year old might be a little strange so we'll have to maybe pivot content at that point like doing breastfeeding streams or something okay well I'm sure you will that will be a pivot wouldn't that be crazy yeah um you know it's interesting though because actually breastfeeding is something that um really can be taught so that they're actually like lactation consultants and nurses and this is actually it's actually a huge public health problem that uh we just assume that people will know how to breastfeed but it's actually like really really hard and can be really really traumatic for moms and kids because then if you can't breastfeed properly like you feel like you're not a good mom you know and then if you have to like resort to bottle feeding and then there's all like the army of people who are like bottle feeding make makes you a bad mother yeah and and it's funny but yeah that's interesting I assume you were joking or maybe you weren't but that's actually like a pretty big Public Health need and like messes up a lot of like mobs and the hormones post pregnancy immune Post delivery don't help well wait that that sounds inspirational I think I was saying it as a joke but that's like a great idea now no I mean seriously like I I you know I don't know if I don't know how to make that work but like like I'd never thought about teaching that but it's it's actually like a gigantic problem like a massive problem that makes so much a postpartum depression is linked to like the inability to breastfeed and then if you're depressed then like you don't produce enough milk and then the kid doesn't latch and then you feel stressed out and then you stop producing milk and it's hard to bond it's like actually really bad and people don't talk about it enough um but you know I yeah anyway so I feel like if we spent a couple hours talking about breastfeeding that would probably be in the wrong direction so I'm gonna change gears back to what you were talking about so uh you said you you're always looking at analytics um do you feel like you have a lifespan as a streamer uh I think as a female streamer I definitely do uh I just I guess it's like maybe I just put in my mind but I feel like 32 is might be like the peak for me but I don't know it's just like uh based off streamers that exist now so I know there are a lot of like really successful female streamers uh 32 and older so I'm like oh like if they can do it I feel like I can do it so that's how I kind of get my basis for that number okay so you said especially as a woman can you tell us a little bit about that yeah so I just feel like I don't know I feel like my looks will fade or something and then I'm worried that uh there'll be you know like as I grow older maybe I feel like people like to watch the hot new things you know like the hot new the hot new come on when it's not so bad but I don't know I just feel like my core Community will stick around but I feel like as a female on on Twitch it's like a little bit harder to like I feel like it's good to be young on Twitch yeah so um you ready to dive in yeah let's dive in okay so I want to just I noticed something and I'm curious if you are okay with me pointing this out so in that answer you started out saying something real and then you pulled back from it and then you ended up saying something more PC did you notice that yeah I always try to go for like a PC answer yeah sure and and what do you what happens when you do that do you have any it's kind of a hard question to answer but uh so I think like one of my biggest fears is like getting canceled so then like that kind of just kicks in and I'm like oh make sure not to say anything that it's too offensive or anything and so then I think that's like where the the shift kicks in yeah so I I mean but do you think that I'm I'm with you and I I've talked to a lot of streamers about canceling PTSD or canceling anxiety like you're just like constantly anxious about getting canceled like you know it's something I felt myself but I'm I'm hmm can I think for a second course yeah okay so if we want to understand burnout fundamentally the way to not get burnt out is to be really kind of confident and secure in yourself and we'll we'll explain how how to get there but I I think you know as long as you have this anxiety of like and it may be real right and like this is where like a lot of what we do is we like kind of speak the truth here which is that I mean what what do you think about female streamers and their lifespans like what do you think uh uh I think personally that they're shorter than men streamer lifespans okay right so so nice that you added personally that's another anti-canceling don't cancel me yeah right yeah right so you don't want to offend people but what does it feel like to you uh so females lifespans versus like how what is it like being a 25 year old female streamer and looking at your analytics and thinking you've got five years um it is uh a little scary but I think like that's why I want to like try to be as good as I can be like during my Prime Time age so from uh 25 to 30. it's like oh I should really try to grind it out and try my best for the next five years so then hopefully I'm not like at a very stable and comfortable position by the time I get 30 so I think that's part of where the stress comes from for sure because I have like this belief that I can only stream until I'm like 30 or 32. yeah so so I I think well said so let's like take a look at that right so if you've got a five-year window what does that do to your stress level um yeah it makes it pretty high for sure it's like oh uh it's like oh if I don't really make it by the time that I'm 30 it's like oh then I feel like I can't really be a streamer anymore so then it just puts like a lot of unnecessary pressure on myself why is it unnecessary um because I feel like uh I'll be good if no matter what hopefully because I kind of I do have belief in my like content that it'll be pretty uh interesting and entertaining but I don't know I just like whenever I'm like not thinking whenever I'm not streaming I'm always like thinking about stream and like how to make the next one better and how to improve as a content creator which is good for sure it's just a lot of pressure on myself so I'm noticing that you kind of have both sides of a lot of these issues that on the one hand you have faith in the content that you create you make really good content you're kind of proud of it um there's a part of you that really thinks that you may have a lifespan Beyond like you know five years that you can go beyond 30 other people are doing it and at the same time there's a lot of pressure you called some of it kind of unnecessary right so so and it also sounds like I'm gonna kind of toss out an interpretation here that there's almost like I'm feeling like a sense of a optimism fighting with a desperation that's really good yeah can you tell us about that uh yeah so I am optimistic because uh I I have a really great backing behind me so I have like the support of otk who will always support me as a content creator and then it's also like the desperation to make sure that it was a good choice to to sign me and I am a good content creator and I just want to like prove myself a little bit you know so it's kind of just like the mix of those two but I think uh with the help of otk for sure they're like super kind and then they'll always help me like grow as a content creator so it's like oh I'll be fine no matter what okay and what about the desperation the desperation is like looking at the numbers and making sure that uh people are still interested in my streams and I just want to make sure like every stream is high quality so then I yeah I prove myself basically and then I'm like oh desperate to get good good uh good streams out and whatnot and yeah can I ask you Emily a little bit about your upbringing yeah for sure so uh I'm an only child born and raised in Omaha Nebraska and uh growing up it was a very traditional path for me so I was like always forced to not first but I was like really pressured to get there's that what'd you just do the PC the PC I was forced to gain Straight A's or else my cards would be very mad at me or so then uh it was just like always get good grades always do a bunch of extracurriculars to get into a good college so um I got into I went to Columbia for my undergrad and then graduated uh magna [ __ ] laude I was just like always yeah always focused on grades and um that's how I kind of like measured my success back then was through numbers as well which I think carries over to me as a streamer now it's just like I always wanted to get A's and like if I ever got a B I would like start crying it was so bad it was very it was very toxic so yeah I was just like always growing up uh to focus on getting good grades and being like a great student because my parents wanted me to be like a smart engineer or whatever but I didn't really find any passion in it so I streamed um I streamed as a hobby uh during my full-time job at Citibank but then I got five from Citibank for streaming at work and then now I'm a streamer wow yeah great what did it feel like to get fired um I was like I was like sobbing a lot because uh I've never really been fired before and I take like it looks like a failure in my eyes and I'm really oh my God why is my life I'm sorry I take failure like pretty hard like I don't like failing so then uh oh can I have a second sorry yeah I okay one second do we need to snipe you can take this is so shaky oh my gosh is it okay for your voice to be shaky uh yeah that's okay it's just like I feel like it's hard to listen to It's just so shaky excuse me okay it feels like I'm like on the on the brink of Tears so let me uh I'll get it out I guess get Dr Keith you don't need to get it out so oh I'm getting it out so then my voice won't be as uh shaky but why does your voice not need to be shaky oh so then not people have a better listening experience Emily who are you here for today uh myself and a lot of people from my community are also here so that's really cool and they were like I was really excited to have the converse conversation with you because I've never done this before and I don't know it's like also my my community was really excited too so uh yeah okay um I'm not here for your community I'm not here for my community I'm not here for me I'm here for you and and you do this thing where you're like you smile and you've got an amazing smile you're like thanks Dr K and then it's like back to the tears bro yeah and and so so like if we're talking about burnout like oh my God like you're so hard on yourself and you know if you don't articulate properly like there's no grade there's no like you know I I I'll stutter for a while will that help you feel better okay yeah I'm okay okay what what just what happened in your mind over the last 60 Seconds uh so my I realized that my voice was shaking like maybe like five minutes ago I'm like oh gosh the tears are coming I think just talking more about um I don't know like my past and it's just nice to get it all out I I don't really like talk about this stuff a lot so it's nice being able to share it with you and then just like kind of like cathartic tears coming out but okay so we're gonna say I'm gonna say something I'm gonna say that was right underneath the surface we didn't have to dig very far okay yeah okay true so let's kind of take a step back I think that if you're um if you want to focus on burnout I think this is going to be related and we'll kind of map all this stuff out for you in a way that your magna [ __ ] laude Columbia brain can process your analytics brain can process but I want to just like stop for a second and just ask you like I mean do you know like so I noticed the pressure in you to I can't have a shaky voice where does that what's that like oh uh uh I think my main issue is I I care a lot about what other people think and um I think that's where a lot of the issues stem from is that I am a huge huge people pleaser like I was kind of just brought up like that and I recognize that so I just want to make sure that my voice sounds good for people how do you understand being a people pleaser like what goes on what what do you think is happening there um it's just like uh I'm really bad with conflict so I try to avoid conflict at all costs and I just I like to make sure that people are feeling comfortable and I really like bringing smiles to people's faces um but yeah and I just like being really energetic and happy I see that it sounds like it's a lot of work oh no it's okay it's not too bad like I feel like I've done it so much my entire life it's just like who I am at this point I'm like always really happy and energetic a lot that honestly makes me sad really yeah it's just like I realized that I think I'm really happy when I'm like not happy like really energetic when I'm around people and then when I'm alone I just kind of like lay there and marinate in my juices like on the bed or whatever um but then when I'm like surrounded around people I I'm like always super excited and I don't really know what that means how does it feel to not make people happy oh then I then I feel really bad yeah yeah in what does what does feeling bad look like or feel like to you what is yourself if I make someone feel upset I feel like disappointed in myself or something or like maybe uh like I get a little concerned and then um usually it's not for too long though I just kind of keep going it depends on the situation I I suppose and when you're marinating in your own juices yeah yeah so that's what I love to sleep and like lay in bed and just read or like go on my phone or whatnot like that's like uh like some nice personal time that I have so that's a good thing I love to just lay there and relax okay so do you do because the way that you described it was almost like as an opposite of like getting this extrovert energy and so I almost was reading between the lines that that's like you marinate in like some negative space Oh Oh no okay good juices okay so it's like a tasty marinade yes yes like a marinara sauce or something yeah okay um and and how do you understand this conflict avoidance uh oh you say that again how do you understand conflict avoidance so you said you avoid conflict uh-huh uh so well like whenever someone's mad at me like I had some a few experiences uh in college with like a roommate who was upset with me and I would just get really scared and just avoid avoid her um so that was that was kind of unhealthy um but I would just try to like not talk talk about it until they bring it up first okay okay I'm gonna is it okay if I share a couple thoughts and that guy I'm a little bit um honestly see okay I'm gonna just think out loud okay so I was about to say I'm a little bit lost because when there's something right underneath the surface I don't know if I should ask more about that because you want I I'm hearing that you want to put on a good face here and that you're trying you can you can ask that as as deep questions as you'd like as you'd like so okay good to know and and um okay let me ask you a question why why is it okay for me to ask deep questions uh why it's because I want you to do whatever you want to do and I don't want you to stop yourself from what you want to do so yeah so that's like kind of going back to the people pleaser thing good I'm glad you pointed it out yes so I'm gonna finish my train of thought and then we're gonna man this is tricky okay because here's the thing so like so I'm I'm sitting here right and I'm like okay so here's this girl and and it's really important for her to prove herself she wants to be a Bastion of joy and positivity and so she's gonna show up here with like safe things to talk about ways to cope with stress everyone feels stress that's relatable you're allowed to feel stress you're a streamer we can talk about analytics and numbers okay it's like very safe then I ask you about and that now the challenge is that if we really want to learn how to deal with burnout you can't do it the way you're doing it now which is like living for other people so you will be one of the most successful streamers on the planet if you keep doing what you're doing and at this point we've got a really interesting hopefully we'll release a report recently but we're collaborating with a company that analyzes streamer like performance and streamers who have gone through our creator coaching program and it's the performance is objectively gone up quite a bit the challenge though is that if you look at streamers who sacrifice everything of themselves they become really successful you're tuned into analytics you know what people want and you will give it to them no matter the cost to you because you've got five years and in that window unless you succeed it's GG right so here you are now here's the challenge that I face is that if you really want to understand burnout you've got to understand this it's not about pleasing other people out there because that's what's going to lead you to burn out like if we think about fundamentally what is burnout it's people pleasing to the point of self-harm that's what burnout is in a nutshell I'm gonna do what makes this person happy at the cost of myself and I'm gonna do it again and I'm gonna do it again and I'm gonna do it again until my tank is empty and then I am unable to do it and then what's gonna happen is I'm gonna feel bad about myself I'm gonna disappoint them anyway and now I've sacrificed all this [ __ ] and I end up disappointing them and then I'm mad at myself and then self-loathing comes in why can't I do better and then I have to wake up tomorrow and I have to make content I have to put on a [ __ ] happy face which you would do such a good job of it it's a compliment but it's also it makes me sad just seeing how much you turn it on like you know and I so now I I'm kind of stuck because I I don't know if you really want to talk about this stuff or and that's why I asked I was like wait you ask as deep as questions and I'm like hold on a second you sure about that because when I actually asked a deep question it seemed like it was hard for you and you don't want to disappoint me and you want to prove yourself as strong and willing to touch on anything but if there's one thing that I would love it if you could walk away from it's that you don't have to mm-hmm that you get to say you know what you can be disappointed because I don't want to do that and that actually is hard for me and I don't feel like doing it and I'm gonna be okay I'm gonna be proud of you I'm gonna be happy that you're learning how to set boundaries and that you're putting yourself first not even first maybe not last thank you so now we're gonna sit here we're just gonna be teary for a second you look panicked oh no I'm trying to find my uh my tissues okay oh that looks like a not very good tissue yeah I ran out of tissues because I blow my nose on stream a lot but uh I have this cool it's interesting um when you said like that you can see me turn it on a lot can you explain what that means yeah um so it like what did you call the pullback PC easy pullback yeah right so so you do this thing where like you're crying and then you smile and it's such a beautiful smile and it's so genuine right and like if you're if if you're not really paying attention that seems great but it's like wait where's the Croc like where did the crying girl go for like a second I'm good I'm leaving tissue thank you looks like the old wife is watching [Music] am I not being nice yeah I'm trying okay well that she's not ready for that my wife said teach her how to send her order back in restaurants if she's not happy with it and I said you're not ready for that yeah I'm not ready for that so that's an exercise that I give people who like need to learn how to yeah like set boundaries and avoid conflict yeah it works really well but it's really hard for people to do I don't think you're there yet yeah I don't think I could do it anyway so I'm sorry what you were asking about the turning it on yeah so I just and and it's like and what I see in that moment is like a this is going to be a strong word but a disintegration of Who You Are and if you want to like not burn out you can't keep separating and like sacrificing one piece for like to make everybody else happy and even on some level that makes you happy too so it's not just other people right yeah um I think this kind of also ties back to a issue that I have is like a lot of people um not a lot of people but uh like people on the internet like I read all the comments on on like lsf and everything and they all like a lot of people call me fake and which I I really dislike but now I'm like I don't even know anymore like like I can't really like is that like a symptom of fakeness what do you what'd you say to you if you were fake uh say that again what would it mean to you if I said yes this is a symptom of fakeness I pronounce you fake then I would be like I'm not fake because that's just who I am and then I would I would just like go into defensive mode I guess yeah do you feel how do you feel about being fake I don't like it because I would like to think of that I I'm genuine myself but I like I don't know all right so here here's my take on it I don't think you're fake I think it's disintegration so I think that you take the authentic you can't fake it this far right you just can't like I think even when it goes back to the dumpling watching Netflix like you can't your curiosity your passion your genuine like love of life I think comes through but I I don't think it's the whole you and I think what some people may be picking up on is this back and forth does that yeah yeah that can mix it like uh yeah I don't know like the whole fake fake discussion is like really confusing to me because I I'm always like oh but like I'm just acting how I would act so then but they're like oh she's like way too happy or like she there's no way that she can always be so happy and I'm like oh I just feel like I am I don't know it's like and then if I if when you said like oh you can see me like turn it on I'm like oh then Maybe maybe it's just like how I am to just be like always happy but that's like the disintegration part where I do want to be sad but I feel like a pressure on myself to always be happy mm-hmm and so what is what does it mean to not be happy [Music] uh uh to not be happy or is it okay to not be happy oh for sure yeah definitely like um uh stream or yeah when I'm on stream it's important to me that I want to always seem really happy and bubbly and positive because when I'm not on stream I'm not always happily bubbly and positive I'm like stressed a lot from the from the burnout feeling right so it's like a two it is very like two different dichotomies of what I deal with every day it's just like I enjoy being really happy on stream because that's like my happy place and like I love doing IRL stuff and then when I'm not on stream it's just like oh stress oh what do I do next oh stuff like that so I don't know if I answer your question is it okay if you didn't it is okay do you really feel that are you just saying that because that's the right answer uh I feel that yeah yeah it's okay if I don't if I don't answer it properly because if you're if we'll we'll peel back the layers of the onion until we find the right answer I mean the authentic answer yeah yeah okay so I'll I'm not gonna let you slide good with that's great okay yeah so I mean Emily here's what I'm kind of hearing and we can I don't know exactly where to go with this but here's what I'm sort of I'm seeing one theme emerge which is I'm gonna call it the theme of disintegration and I don't mean like disintegrate like you know the spell that makes things disappear I mean literally is splitting up of the self and and so I kind of mentioned this early on when I sort of said like oh it seems like you kind of hold both sides and then we sort of talk a little bit about like being happy on stream and then sad and and I think it makes a lot of sense to me that people can look at you and think how can she be so happy but I think it's like if you genuinely enjoy streaming and what you do in your life is you take all of your negativity and you push it to the side and you let that authentic positivity come out I think that's probably part of the reason that you've grown and you're successful and stuff like that because I think people who fake being happy like we usually can pick up on it but I think some people may be able to detect that there is a that you're taking a neutron and you're splitting it into a proton and an electron and we're only getting the proton okay yeah right and and I think we see this in a microscopic way too even in terms of your like facial expressions and it's like you know it's like flipping the heart over it's like on the back it looks one way and then it's like oh magic trick and it's like oh like now it's like the Ace of Spades and then it's like boom and now it's like oh look it's the back of the card and now it's a different you know and so I I think we see that and and I I don't and here's the important thing to understand is that I don't necessarily think you should stop doing that that's for you to decide but I think it's really important to understand that we all human beings will separate things out like that's just how we cope with life we can't feel everything all the time but it's probably going to be healthy for you as my gas and from a burnout perspective because when I help people with burnout it's usually that the patterns that they engage in are driven by that separation because if you're fully integrated with yourself you would not engage in those behaviors in the same way and then the real consequence of that is people don't want to integrate because they want to want to engage in those behaviors because if you let the negativity in what would happen Emily but then uh oh then I'm negative on stream uh I feel like as a streamer one of my main goals is to make people laugh and stuff and like if I'm negative I don't want it to show through or not not yeah I'll say show through and then I don't know it's just like I want me to make people happy okay if I'm negative I feel like I can't make people happy so I I detect a I'm maybe I don't detect I'm hypothesizing so that's a little bit unfair that there there is a piece that's a PC answer is there more to it what's the question again what's the consequence what's the problem of not being bubbly on stream what if you were negative on stream what would happen what are you afraid of uh well um like is it negative all the time because I definitely have been negative but I just kind of like brush it off or I just say like ah [ __ ] or like you know some explicitive words uh and then uh I just like move on yeah so so fair but what I'm sort of wondering about is you try not to be negative right you try to be positive uh [Music] like if in a negative way I expressed it okay yeah so like if if I'm like annoyed by something like I've expressed that or I guess I don't really express it because I just I just fall silent whenever I'm annoyed I'm just like or like when I'm tired or something Okay so yeah I'm not but I'm like happy a lot on stream because it's fun to stream so yeah but if something does not happen negatively then I I don't like try to push it down I just kind of like mention it and then move on I I understand so let me just see if I I kind of get this so like yeah you're able to authentic authentically own negativity yeah as random events during streaming yeah right yeah with you yeah so so I I think that that makes a lot of sense what I'm talking about is like you know the part of you that's off stream and is terrified of analytics and stuff like that like if that part infected the stream Emily what would happen um I just feel like it wouldn't be enjoyable to watch or listen to um if I'm always like complaining or stressed I'm like oh chat I don't know what to do tomorrow oh and then I just feel like it's something that I should figure out on my own instead of uh publicizing it to to chat okay and what is the consequence of not being what chat wants um that's interesting uh so if I were to bring that negative enter like the negative mindset into like my normal stream uh the consequence would be like I guess it would I don't know because yeah I've never done it I I I'm thinking like maybe I would lose viewers but I don't know if I actually would so now you're actually thinking about it but yeah but I think there's a pretty loud voice inside you that is saying don't ever [ __ ] do that yeah or like I just think it's just like so like not needed to talk about on stream that I I should never bring it up yeah I think that kind of makes sense yeah it's just like a personal but I don't know I I'm noticing that when you sort of talk about the consequences you're talking about disappointing your viewers yeah yeah is that is there anything else that you're worried about besides disappointing your viewers um I guess like just like the normal like falling off or getting canceled is another big worry or yeah people being like Oh her content isn't as good or she's getting stale or whatever so yeah yeah so okay so I you ask I'm asking questions a couple of different ways yeah yeah and this time I asked a question and what did you notice in yourself uh I put on my smile again yep but before you put on your smile what did you do uh my voice shaked yep yeah and what do you know what you were feeling uh I was just like a I was either like nervous to answer or I'm like yeah yeah I think it's nervousness and what are you nervous about like what do you think is going on there what were we talking about do you remember uh we're talking about what uh like what consequences I'm I'm scared of yep or I think and let me ask that again okay is are you you're doing great by the way and you got to let me know if I'm if this is on I mean hard for me to tell what you actually want from this so I'm I'm trying my best here okay when it's not your fault it's not you know you're you don't have to perfectly know what you want so let's just under so like what are the consequences that have you know so sure like people may be disappointed but what what what's the consequence of that what does that mean for you um the consequence of people uh uh uh you use the word stale yeah it's like oh her streams are getting boring or stale what happens when the viewership starts to drop then I get into panic mode for sure and then what happens and then I feel the pressure to do a better stream the next day and then if it's still low I'm like oh gosh what do I do everything's falling apart uh but then I kind of just asked for help oh that's that's so healthy yeah I'm so happy that you do that yes I asked for help yeah so I mean I'm because I like I'm gonna come out come out and say it because I I don't know if we're beating around the bush or not or I don't know if I'm wrong here I don't know if you're avoiding I don't know what's going on but I I mean I think I think you fail right it all comes crumbling down and then you're now you're 27 and you've tried to be a streamer for a couple years and it's it's Fallen apart around you and then where are you what do your parents think what do people think you know how do you how do you impress people anymore got fired once that sounded unpleasant you know uh oh yeah that would not be good um if if it all falls apart but I have told myself that if streaming doesn't work out I'm gonna go get an MBA and just go back to corporate life so at least I have a backup plan yes yes you do yes that's very have you discussed that backup plan with your parents uh they've always wanted me to get an MBA but I'm like parents let me do let me do my my passion I'm streaming and they're like okay Emily so they're supportive of me now but they they are supportive of me before like when I first started streaming how did that how did that how did they how did you win them over how did they come uh because they saw I was actually making money so they're like okay great and and then they're like good with it how does that feel um I wouldn't say I'm surprised but so I'm like not surprised that's how they reacted but I'm happy that they support me now and it's kind of just like uh haha I told you I would be able to be a good streamer because they didn't believe in me for like the first few months or like year so it's kind of like I told you so moment what is it like to have parents that their support seems conditional what's that like um I've gotten kind of used to it now it's kind of like uh like they're proud of me if I get good grades and whatnot and they're proud of me if I am like a big streamer and I'm like thanks Mom and Dad so at this point I'm I'm uh I'm used to it but I also like how my parents raised me I think yeah because I'm like oh I'm very achievement driven um but sometimes I feel like that's where a lot of my stress comes from is uh making sure that I I think that's where a lot of my people-pleasing aspects comes from it's from is from pleasing my parents okay can you say a little bit more help us understand that a little bit um so growing up it was like oh I always want to get good grades and be uh be the first place in my piano competition so then my parents will be happy with me and pleased and then um then they'll be like great job Emily and I'm like okay great so that's like a lot of my childhood is making sure I don't let them down yeah if that's like too strict or anything uh that's just what I went through growing up a lot I'm not sure if that's common I'm just gonna think for a second okay okay yeah go ahead are you proud of yourself I'm proud of myself for sure um I'm happy with uh my streaming career right now it's like oh everything's going great so I'm proud of how far I made it as a streamer and graduating from college and doing that stuff what are you feeling as you answer that question uh I feel really confident in that answer that I'm proud of myself so so it seemed to me like your voice started shaking a little bit oh really yeah this is so I don't know um I I do I do feel very proud of myself though I I think so too I think there's a lot of genuine Pride there so when I asked you a little bit about you know what what it was like sort of being very performance oriented with your parents your answer was I've gotten used to it right think about that answer I've gotten used to it um I think it sounds bad but it's just like how I've been raised my entire life so I don't see any other way of being raised and it's just like oh if you have good performance that's very good stuff so were you jealous of other kids growing up um a lot of my childhood friends uh had very similar upbringings especially so I was in Nebraska right and then a lot of the Chinese kids uh just knew each other because there's not a lot of Chinese people in Nebraska so I I noticed that a lot of my Chinese friends had very similar upbringings and then uh when I would go to school I'd get jealous of the kids that would have 10 pets because I wanted pets too so like so that was what I was jealous of but because I saw that a lot of people a lot of childhood friends of Chinese upbringing were similar to me I wasn't really I like I was like oh this must be normal I wasn't really that jealous that we've talked about Emily what what seems interesting to you or what do you want to talk more about um I like talking about the disintegration part is really cool because I I definitely do I do I do exhibit that where it's like off stream I I never bring my off stream troubles like I don't only talk about them on stream um like I'm wondering if that's healthy or not okay so I'm gonna give you a choice and you can pick anything outside of the options that I give you okay okay so we can approach that in one of two ways I'm a little bit concerned about you can do it the cathartic way which is I ask you questions that make you cry okay and then you'll learn something about yourself but I don't know exactly what you'll learn I'm a little bit hesitant to go down that road because there's a part of me that actually is sort of like I don't know how ready for this you are and I also don't know if that discussion should be like live on stream TBH and I'm not trying and I even have to be I'm [ __ ] playing 5D chess in my head because if I say that to you are you gonna feel like oh my God like I've come across this so weak that now I'm like disappointing him and that's what he wants and so like I I you know because like if I say oh we like I I don't you're gonna have to help me out here because I yeah yeah I can't predict that far right so it's got to be just like we've got to figure this out and you're not going to disappoint me at all I don't think you're gonna disappoint anybody and here's the Wild Thing if you do [ __ ] them yeah [ __ ] them okay exactly so like right and so then the other option is that I can pull out the iPad I can screen share with you and we can understand disintegration I'm gonna do the first one okay [ __ ] be cool all right I'm just okay I hope I can I can answer it properly I feel like answers are like so think about me is that as as I should not should be but like I'm just not very self-aware yeah like like going through life la la just doing what I can like doing streams talking about stream and then that's it yeah yeah so okay so so let's So when you say you've gotten used to it yeah what did you not say uh uh that uh I didn't say that it was a pretty strict upbringing and I I didn't like it in the moment but in retrospect I think it was good okay yeah so what you're doing is you're taking chicken [ __ ] and you're turning it into chicken salad yum so so here's what's going on so when you say I got that was your first answer okay I've got I got used to it what do you need what kinds of things do we get used to Emily we get used to taking hot showers okay okay so we get we get it's kind of like a read my mind question so like you don't get used to like do you ever get used to getting hugs from a loved one you don't get used to that oh right you don't get used to eating your favorite food you get used to bad things oh you see that yes okay yes yes okay that makes sense so so and so like it's kind of interesting because like I I see you doing this thing and this is the disintegration so you're like dude you're really good at gymnastics man you're like I I got used to it uh-huh and now what you do and you're not wrong this is you have a lot to be grateful for from like the traditional Asian parent upbringing I mean like I kind of had it similar my parents were more AFK so like I got away with a lot but they were like my dad when I was nine years old was like I have an older brother and he's like one one of you is going to be doctored and one of you is going to be loyal because he decided that within the family if like one of us was a doctor and one of us was a lawyer we could handle most of the things and you know that was like my upbringing but like I think this is where kind of this disintegration comes in is you you just can't [ __ ] own that when things are bad right and it's like and I'm not blaming you for that so let me know if I I'm afraid I'm gonna beat you up but you said you want to go for it so yeah I don't even know if that's performative or not which is like okay so so you know and then you do this thing where it's like well now I'm grateful uh-huh and it's like so let me ask you this uh-huh if you had a kid and I'm presuming you don't have kids who knows maybe you've got kids but if you had a kid how would you race them oh gosh yeah so like this is a a debate that I go into my head like all the time it's like oh do I be a tiger mom or do I be like really lenient because I don't know how I'm gonna be as a mom I would want them to get good grades kind of similar to how I was raised but not as like and all be-all I would say but I do I would like be like make sure to get good grades if your kid got a B what would you say I would be like what happened here bucko and then they would probably explain themselves and then I'll be like okay well uh try harder next time yeah I think I would say that if your kid asks for a pet I'll be like are you ready for that and then probably like yes yes and I'll be like no you're not I don't know about that and then uh well I hope they'll have a dog by then because I kind of want a dog but uh if they want their own pet I mean I give them like a hamster or something if they get all A's that's that semester as a reward and so what I'm hearing is that that there's a lot of good stuff you've learned from your parents and that there are some adjustments you would make like growing up without those adjustments uh it was like I had to do anything to succeed so it oh it like kind of made me into like a a little cheater oh my gosh oh I have this story on on I told it on stream how um I was doing like a practice ACT test and then my dad was like oh my gosh you got a 35 in English on your practice test great job but the reality is as I was looking at the answer key because I was nervous that I would get a bad grade and and so then uh he like caught me looking at the answer key like the next time and then he was really mad he tore up the he ripped out the answer key and put it at the neighbor's house to make sure I wouldn't cheat again so it was kind of like I would do anything to make it seem good in my parents eyes so okay yeah that was kind of unhealthy and yes how do you you're telling the story like it's a funny story Okay so it's funny that he put it to the gave it to the neighbor's house are there any other emotions that are tied to the story that oh yeah fear from being caught uh was it uh nervousness taking the while looking and then uh just like yeah sadness after okay so do you remember what it why can you tell us about why you started using the answer key in the first place like do you remember what you were thinking feeling oh it's just like oh if I get a bad score they're they're gonna either make me like study a lot more or they're going to be mad at me so I'm like I'll just guarantee my good score on the practice test by cheating okay so yeah so that's not funny oh yes yes right and so I I see actually a lot of genuine humor here so what I think is actually delightful and makes me really like you is that when you are being admonished you're a little mischievous so so it's almost weird because I feel like you're back in school and I'm trying to teach you about emotions and you're like yeah so I I get a lot of genuine positivity from you when you're telling the story but it's [ __ ] up yeah so if we're talking about reintegrating we have to be able to feel those things and acknowledge the whole Spectrum does that make sense yeah I just saw you go into to 4.0 student mode wait so uh can you see that last last sentence again the 4.0 student mode oh the reintegrating yeah so you told a bad story you told the story yes about how you were so terrified of your parents that you were pushed to cheat and then when you cheated your parents really rewarded you right which was like awesome and relief but also like kind of [ __ ] up and then they eventually found out and then they tore it up which I imagine you were not laughing about then yeah that was right right so you were probably crying and all that kind of stuff and then they took it to the neighbor's house which I agree is like a really funny sort of you know what's going on there but it's sort of like you know it's like if I have a gigantic pile of [ __ ] and I put a cherry on top it's like what we're eating here right the cherry on top is like not really and and so it's interesting because because really this kind of emotional separation is a well-known um consequence of of actually like sort of the science of trauma so I'm not diagnosing you with anything right you may not really be diagnosable with anything it's completely fair but 60 of people have traumatic experiences growing up and what our mind learns how to do is divide stuff so this is what's really interesting when people are grow up in traumatic upbringing what they actually do is this is part of our brain called the corpus callosum which connects our right hemisphere to our left hemisphere left hemisphere is like analysis right hemisphere is emotions and the corpus callosum the part that connects the two actually becomes like I mean it doesn't get severed or anything but the neuronal activity across the corpus callosum drops oh okay if you grow up in like traumatic experiences because what our brain literally learns how to do is we have these emotions over here and by the way language comes from the left side as well so literally what happens is we cannot the talking and the emotions become completely separate does that sound familiar to you yeah it does it's interesting I never thought of it like that so I'm learning a lot how and so we should applaud you for learning a lot right because that's what you're here to do yay how does that feel yeah see that's we don't want to go there you're not I mean I mean it's okay but now so now I'm stuck with schoolgirl and if I say you're doing good then you're like that opens up that thing and if I say you're doing bad then it's like okay I'm now I'm admonished so uh I just never thought of it like uh like trauma or anything yeah is that that word carries like such heavy weight in my mind for sure but it does make sense like the the disintegration from yeah emotion and and so I I think when it comes to burnout like this is where there's like a lot of other like really common stuff and I guess we're going into the lecture mode anyway but you know I I think that really what people make the best content when they're emotionally integrated and they also are able to set limits because the other consequence that I see is that if you're not in tune with your negativity how do you know when it's getting out of control so that's why people burn out because it's kind of like imagine you know I give you numbing medication and you have like a wound you're gonna keep using let's say like you you're pulled muscle and I numb it up you're gonna keep walking and you're going to keep damaging the muscle and that's what ends up with burnout is lack of emotional integration um and I mean if so I'm gonna try this again and we'll see what happens if that's okay what was it like getting fired from Citibank uh I was really shocked I first first I was shocked and I was like because I thought I was gonna get like uh promoted which is crazy because they they told me that they found me um streaming like in J in December but then I found out that I was getting fired in June so I'm like oh it's already June like like it's fine like they probably forgot about it by then so then when I found out that I was I got fired I was shocked I was like wait actually and then uh but I was also not too worried because I had streaming as my um backup plan it was like going really well at that point so I was shocked and then I cried about it for two days after because I because I got fired and I'm like oh my God that's gonna look so bad on my record if I ever go back to the corporate world or whatever and it just doesn't look that good so that's how I felt I think we're just those two emotions but also like oh I'll just full sense streaming then okay so I've asked you this question twice and we got two very different answers yeah yeah that's true how do you understand that um it's like I think the first time I said like oh I was uh I was like really sad right and then I think now I'm able to think more closely about my emotions and what I felt in the moment and kind of articulated a little better yes right so so so here's the thing you were feeling emotion or you are articulating um right so like last time I don't know if you remember but you literally sank into the chair right you got emotional you were feeling those emotions and so I I think that and now as I'm reminding you of it what are you feeling oh right oh yeah that's I was I was I was crying my one word on like oh God talk about failure and then it's like oh I don't like feeling like a failure and then I just like start melting right and if you start crying on stream what's gonna happen your numbers are gonna go down and then you're going to cry failure and fail yes and stress right all of that because I I think this this is what it kind of comes down to is is understanding like sure I mean you're crying stuff but I think you're terrified of failure for sure yeah and that's something but is it okay to fail I just I think I know it's okay to fail but if I feel I'll be really sad right so so which part of your brain knows that it's this is so this is the problem right and this is where I think people sort of think you're fake I don't think you're fake I think it's just you're just like you're disintegrated because if you had a friend who failed really it's okay yeah right you know you can you can do better next time and it could be a blessing in disguise and it seems like actually getting fired is one of the best things that could happen to you TBH yeah for sure and and so you understand all that stuff but then apart from that there's like terrified Emily do you know who I'm talking about can you tell us a little bit about her terrified Emily uh she's the one who's like pretty insecure and she's nervous about falling off and getting canceled everyone hating her that's the that's a terrified Emily who makes the PC Emily come out because he's like don't get canceled you know so it's like all these different parts yeah in my brain for sure and and what what do you do with terrified Emily [Music] um your fight Emily uh hmm I'm not really like terrified outside of stream but it's like kind of that aspect like that version of her when I'm not streaming is just like the nervous Emily like the the scared Emily and then I'm just like I just try to figure out what to stream and whatnot and make sure that I have good content so I see her like kind of a lot when I'm stressed about streaming yeah so I think you've you've discovered a couple of really important things the first is that I'm gonna use the phrase State of Consciousness okay so terrified Emily is a state of consciousness and you can sink further into that state or you can come out of that state does that make sense yeah she's kind of there you can visit her yeah now here's another really interesting thing if she's terrified of something how do you deal with that you kind of said it already but I'm sort of asking you to re-articulate it uh what's the antidote to Terror if you're feeling afraid of being a failure what do you do um I uh am I afraid of being a I just try to sit and think about how to get better or like improve or I just just yeah just be like okay just think of something else okay so so let's let's understand this so right brain is feeling fear of failure let me just think about whether I want to go on a tangent so you failed before right yeah yeah and that's painful yes it's so painful I'm gonna kind of ask a leading question here read my mind question you don't have to end but like what did you decide when you failed like when you you know did you have any like resolutions that you made or anything like that uh I was like okay I want to try to avoid This Feeling Again and so then I was like okay just try not to fail so you don't have to feel this again all right so so then so you made a resolution that never again it's hard for me to tell I would guess that there's a lot of emotion when you made that decision I would guess that you said to yourself never again never again never again I'm not hearing that from you so I don't know if I'm off which I very well could be because I wasn't there and I certainly can't read your mind or whether there's some amount of emotional like turning down the volume on the way that you represent it does that make sense which one do you think it is do you think you're turning down the volume or do you think I'm off I think it's the volume yeah yeah so so because because then what happened is you were like okay so but now what's really interesting is when you get an emotion you don't fix it on the right hemisphere you jump over to the left hemisphere and you say to yourself what are the things that I can do outside of here right that can assure can protect me from failure yeah exactly exactly is it okay to fail yes no it's not what the [ __ ] it's not for yeah for me it's not yeah but so I was like I just hate I hate the feeling of failure so then I'm like okay do not fail right and then is it okay to feel terrified of failure no it is not okay I have to be you have to be positive Emily is failing I'll ask you again and let me know if I terrify you too much from a school girl standpoint okay is it okay to fail no not for me how does it feel to say that like I'm like coming to to I'm like I'm like realizing like oh how high of an expectation that is on myself and what does it do to you to have that to carry that expectation around I just like have so much more stress I think with that expectation how how would you feel about I'm trying to figure out how to ask this how this could be hard so we'll try a couple times okay okay how do you feel if you were to like step outside of yourself and you were to look at yourself how would you feel about this person and the way that they're living their life um I would think that they're being really hard on themselves and like they're doing great like stepstream is going well they have a lot of great friends surrounded by a lot of great people I'm like why is she why is she feeling like that like she's doing great and she shouldn't be too yeah too hard on herself that's what I would think okay so let's notice a couple of other things great she has so many friends are you smiling Emily yep no you're not you're crying what oh but I'm smiling through the tears right yeah yeah yeah I mean yeah so so earlier we're telling traumatic stories and we're grinning right because they're funny because it's [ __ ] sandwich with a cherry on top and now we're talking about how you're doing so well and how do you feel about her um I feel like uh she should just relax a little more okay so now we're seeing some some difficulty because she should relax that's what you [ __ ] tell yourself and I think why does she feel this way but what I'm hearing is that you feel sad for her like what I see in your emotions I don't know if you feel sad yeah yeah there's also it's tragic oh tragic oh gosh yes that's very very sad yes yeah yes can something about you be tragic that because think about it right because that's what you're sort of saying you were like wow she's like God so like she's like young and she's successful and she's bounced back and she's so capable and she's got so many friends and she's got her whole life ahead of her and this poor girl it's tragic that she can't even enjoy it that every day that goes by she's not able to relax and enjoy what she's worked so hard for that she's doing everything right and she doesn't deserve this yeah that that sounds about right it reminds me of like when I have like a really good stream I'm like I like I'm like oh it was it was all right like after it but then when I have a like a not as good stream I'm like oh that was horrible but I don't really celebrate the the wins as much as I should yeah like yeah so it's a little tragic right yeah a little tragic a little tragic right so so I I'm I'm trying to kind of we're co-op in here okay so like I'm using heavier words but okay what I notice in your emotional response is I think resonance unless you're faking it and the little cheater is manipulating me which I maybe I mean you know you're smarter than I am for sure I sure as hell didn't graduate from Columbia magna [ __ ] laude but does that make sense yeah it's definitely resonating for sure so you know where are you now like we've been at this for about an hour and a half just like where are you uh yeah fast stream versus off stream for sure and um I I don't know I've had a lot of great takeaways like it's okay to fail and and this recent discussion it's like like it is really tragic how hard I am on myself and it really puts things into perspective and and do you have any thoughts I know we've been kind of all over the place but I'm curious about is there anything that you think you can take forward from this conversation if not I'm going to lay it out I'm going to lay it out either way but I'm just curious you know what to include and what not to include and if the answer is nothing that's totally fine [Music] okay to be side on Street that's fine yeah that's not a takeaway oh okay okay uh takeaway is just uh don't oh but it's so hard I can't stop doing that you're not gonna be able to stop that either okay good gosh okay so yeah so neither of those are uh yeah okay good thank you so much so now so here's here's the here's a takeaway that I think may be more digestible for you okay okay so both of those are things that you should do right but I say this with love you're not capable yet how does it feel to not be capable of what you should do uh it's a a little unfortunate I feel like it's like oh kind of back to the failure feeling like I can't even do that but I I can just see in myself that I can't stop doing those two things yeah so so this is something that's really important to understand when we're faced with failure what we want to do is no longer be a failure and what you you've been taught your whole life which parents and now analytics is teaching you the same thing is that your value as a human being can be measured by a grade by a concurrent viewer account by all kinds of stuff is your value as a person yeah it's sad I'm a hundred percent sure that you know that your value there's a part of you that knows that your value as a person goes Way Beyond and is completely independent of any metric I can see that because if you didn't have that you'd be different the problem is that the moments that it's like one person's in the driver's seat right either like there's like Emily who loves herself and Emily whose love is conditional so what you probably need to do I I don't think you can be sad on stream yet it's going to be way too terrified terrifying the failure part of you is too strong totally fine totally fine so the first thing is that if you're a failure that's okay most people deal with being a failure as I need to succeed if you really want to conquer the feeling of failure the problem is that if you succeed you are just reinforcing the idea that failure and success determines your worth so when I ask you how when you feel like you're failure what do you do you say you fix it that's what good little kids do they fix it right right right so what that sort of reinforces is once again this idea that your value is tied to a particular metric so oddly enough and I'm I kind of TD up and hopefully you can hear this if you can't that's okay too if you can't do what I'm asking of you that's okay whatever you can do is okay you don't have to do everything now you're not going to Peak by the age of 30 trust me you'll do great like I have so much faith in you and no matter what you do I think that if you get fired that's you're going to be fine if you get canceled you're going to be fine you're gonna be fine so try to understand that as a failure like it's actually okay to fail second thing is that just pay attention to any moment of disintegration which is like it's not about stream it's not about failure or anything like that it's just like notice those moments in your life where you smile and it's not that you have to change it's just that you have to notice and then ask yourself okay like what else could I be feeling third thing is think about so it didn't really work with the kid sometimes it works with the kid you can write these down I can do you afterwards um oftentimes if I ask people about their kids they're able to like sort of start crying and realize like okay like I don't want to raise my kids the way that I was raised it seems like the tiger parent is genetically you know adjustments but we didn't quite get there the way that I was shooting for but when I asked you about your externalizing yourself okay looks like it there's some someone working outside so I think I would encourage you to do that externalizing yourself exercise so this is where think about okay like how would I think about this person like she's feeling this way she's beating herself up and I think you did something that's actually really important so this is you stumbled upon a very important realization if you look at people who are burnt out there's one cognitive thing that they do which is they move their W's into the L column so they do not celebrate their wins okay there's something else that's really interesting and you may notice we'll see if you do this or not when things go well for you what's responsible uh not me and when things go well for other people what's responsible them when things go wrong for you whose fault is it mine when things don't go well for other people whose fault is it things they can't control beautiful have you studied this before I have not but that makes a lot of sense oh my God I literally could not have said it better myself literally I could not I've never said it might that well myself yeah so so this is also really important to understand um can you hold on just one second I'm gonna see if we can get whoever is doing this work to so if we talk about literally burnout okay a big part of that is like these cognitive things it's hard to believe but as you engage in these cognitive patterns it changes the way that you like move through life so if you can change these couple of things first is that when you win when you have a win you're going to naturally think about all the reasons you got lucky you don't have to dismiss those we don't have to convince you that those it's just can you add is there anything you can take credit for uh it was a good idea that I could that I thought of exactly right so it was a good idea like hey like I woke up today I went through my morning routine you know I like picked a good restaurant like there's a lot of things that like I like I did something to deserve this too and you don't have to make a laundry list just try to add one thing yeah on the flip side when you lose all my fault is there anything any kind of RNG because you play some games on stream right yeah yeah so is there any kind of RNG here that is out of my control so like literally go through that when you have a win and a loss you could also apply it to other people if you want to in the reverse of like okay what did they do to just like you know how do they get lucky if they win how did they how are they responsible if they screwed up um that's also this is a conversation maybe for a different day or never but when it comes to relationships if you're a people pleaser that's going to be really important because if if the fault is always yours and they never do anything wrong and you're a people pleaser you can create a lot of unhealthy Dynamics over time so holding people accountable can be hard for people Pleasers and is related to this this thing you see how it's like because you treat yourself differently from other people yeah so in terms of like concrete stuff I would say just like change that a little bit and then just just feel your emotions like it's okay yeah you know and and just like and I it sounds like you do actually that's that's not right so it sounds like you actually feel your emotions a lot you let yourself feel your emotions a lot you'll call your cry for two days and then you kind of pick yourself up um I'm not quite sure but I'd say just so maybe just stick with that awareness of can I see the flip side of this emotion or can I see the flip side of this scenario and acknowledge like what is the other side of this because it comes back down to this the statement of I've gotten used to it you're not ready to say it sucked because if you say it sucked that means you're blaming your parents and you are not allowed to do that because you're so grateful for them because they did genuinely give you lots of stuff right right you wouldn't be where you are without them so how can you blame them exactly yeah textbook right so so but as you go through this you'll be able to hopefully one day say there's a lot of stuff that I'm grateful for there's a lot of stuff that they actually like did that hurt me a lot my upbringing was actually like really sad in a lot of ways and I missed out on being a child in a lot of ways and I'm never going to get those years back and I love them they kind of did the best that they could you don't have to blame them for acknowledging that something hurt and you can also this is the other tricky thing we're not going to get into this today but the other problem is that unless you blame them you can't forgive them and that can cause a big problem so this is something I've seen time and time again where if you don't blame your parents and you can't forgive them and then you're carrying around resentment and you suppress it and deny it and all this kind of other crap but that's end game content questions thoughts uh so when you said like not really celebrating your W's but moving them to the L is that a is that like with burnout is that what you said so it happens in Burnout and imposter syndrome okay got it we haven't talked about imposter syndrome with you right yeah okay yeah I just wanted to make sure so okay so that so the noticing like oh what I was responsible for for the W can kind of help with the whole burnout thing and just being more aware of my successes yep absolutely right so you're you're playing a game where your your Q like you just don't get to win and so like literally you're gonna burn out and then I think the other thing that happens is that when you don't celebrate your W's so when you have a win you double down and you work harder whether you have a lose you double down you work harder no matter what happens you're working harder you're working harder you're working harder and then what we tend to see is that that's very adaptive for streamers but very few of them can sustain that so some can and the most successful ones manage to find their own equilibrium they kind of Discover it but what we found is we worked with about 400 content creators at this point and what we found is that their lives get better and their actual performance improves so like their concurrent view counts things like that like they're even if streaming hours go down their performance goes on I will send you the report once it's finalized yeah be a great read thank you other questions uh that's it for me just thank you again you're very welcome it was it was really eye-opening for sure it's good I had a great time you want one final test because you're being such a good student today better I I I um I like the flow of the conversation so uh like the open-ended endedness is is really nice like being able to just follow whatever uh I think something that could improve the experience uh wait are you sitting like a like a summary of it at the end like am I gonna DM you a summary of what we talked about yeah I wasn't planning on it then that's how you can okay sure yes because I thought this was a really great a really great talk I'll definitely be re-watching the VOD for sure give it a week okay don't watch it for a week okay give it a week get get out of your own head first okay that that sounds good so that'll be my my Improvement uh Improvement I'm I'm very proud and impressed because I was terrified that you were going to say oh no you can't do anything better and it was great thank you so much and all this kind of stuff I came up with something yeah you did I was like it sounds like it would be good so I'll also I'll collect I'll share some thoughts and we'll try to summarize cool any other thoughts questions I feel like we're at a good stopping point yeah and this is perfect uh no thank you again it's been a great uh great time being a guest here yeah thank you so much for coming on and sharing everything that you have to share of course it was great so have a great day for your day you too do you want to just tell us one last time where we can find you and what kind of content you do yeah for sure so I stream on twitch.tv extra Emily and I do IRL challenges so I like to go out in public a lot and make a fool out of myself and uh do a bunch of different things so I did Urban kayaking I made like a huge slip and slide and stuff like that so if you like challenges like that I'm your girl so okay awesome why extra uh it's because I like alliteration and I'm like super extra and like energetic and whatever so I thought it was fitting yeah I think it's very funny you were okay you were extra for sure yeah thanks all right well take care Emily best of luck to you I will DM you a summary per your for your perfect and um yeah really I hope things work out for you really dude you're gonna be fine and uh yeah so thank you so much for having me of course bye foreign

Channel: HealthyGamerGG

Views: 175,203

Keywords: mental health, drk, dr kanojia, healthygamergg, healthy gamer gg, twitch, psychiatrist, extraemily, extraemily interview, how to improve mental health, mental health tips

Id: XzsQuH03Y9o

Length: 90min 54sec (5454 seconds)

Published: Thu May 25 2023