Let's see, inattentive, impatient,
a glazed look in the eyes, look carefully at the I really wish I weren't here
right now button, there's a name
for employees like this, but we'll call him Squidward. I'm getting paid overtime
for this, right Mr. Krabs? Sorry, can't hear you! Are you ready
to rock Squidward? No. Good because
we've got customers! Here, please hit me
as hard as you can. Psst, Squidward,
I'm working in the kitchen. [giggling] -At night!
-Don't hold back. Wow, I'm really late again. Maybe they'll finally fire me. [laughing] What, locked? This isn't happening.
This isn't happening. SpongeBob? The horror, it's unspeakable. Don't you see Squidward? It's closed! The Krusty Krab is closed. You mean I got out of bed
for nothing? The doors are locked. The doors are locked
and we are on the outside! Outsiders! What are we
gonna do Squidward? There are Krabby patties
inside, all alone. Just stand aside lad
and let me unlock the door. Mr. Krabs, you're here! Gosh Mr. Krabs, we were worried
something might have happened to you and the world
would have been deprived of the greatest food
known to man! Oh, you made me drop me Keys. Give me some space lad,
can't a crab. -get a little space?
-I'm... sorry... Mr. Krabs. Harsh. [laughing] Excuse me, sir, but I ordered a couple Krabby Patties
a while ago, and I'm wondering
when they'll be out. [chuckling] Looks like I'm
crushing your face. [laughing] So will they be ready soon? Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't
move too much, it ruins it. You're just fired. What? No,
you don't fire me, I quit! I got my resignation letter,
all prepared, dear Mr. Krabs-- Do you have a ticket, sir? Can't be in a museum
without a ticket. What the--
I tender my resignation from this greasy establishment! Too long have I toiled
under your iron claw. Now I am free! Free to live my dreams of
being a ballet dancer, ha ha! And the first chair clarinet
at the Bikini Bottom Orchestra! Ha ha, and I am going
to finally publish-- [sighing] Well, look at this,
lazin' about, can I get you anything else
under the pillow maybe? A cappuccino machine? No thanks, I got one. [whistling] Perfect, no customers,
no SpongeBob. Oh for kelp's sake,
you're a lost cause. My name is Squidward. Can I take your order? Hmm, uh... I'll have a-- no. Oh, maybe, no-- Hmm, I'll have, no-- Oh maybe-- Are you planning on
ordering today, sir? I'll have a Krabby Patty. How original. -And with extra onions
-Daring today, aren't we? The customer is always right,
remember that lad and you'll be
as successful as me one day. Oh, you're right, Mr. Krabs. I learned my lesson. And by the way,
Bubble Buddy picked up the tab. What's this? Bubble money. At least they left a tip! [snoring] [alarm ringing] It's quitting time! SpongeBob, go home. Here you go, sir. A king size Ultra Krabby
Supreme with the works, double batter fried on a stick. Thanks. Barnacle Head. -Pardon me?
-You forgot your mayonnaise. Thanks. Look at them
eating that garbage. It's disgusting! [gargling] They're sickening. I hate Krabby Patties. Go now and bless the taste buds
of your lucky connoisseur. [smooching] [choking] It's way in my mouth! [choking] Choking on sentiment! [choking] Poison! Okay, you sit
this one out Squidward. I'm suddenly
not feeling very well. -What's the matter?
-Well, let's see. Uh, I got a scratchy throat,
um dry mouth. And... my eyes are itchy. -Squidward what could it be?
-I'm not sure. But I fear I might be coming
down with a dreaded illness. What is the name
of this horrible illness? Name, oh, squeeze,
swerve, uh squid's disease! -What?
-Squids disease! -What?
-Squids disease! [gasps] Squidward, I think the disease
is affecting your temper! [phone ringing] Uh, Krusty Krab,
may I reluctantly help you? It's me Squidward, SpongeBob. I'm calling from a pay phone. You don't say? -How's that shortcut of yours?
-Not good! Gee SpongeBob,
that's a great idea. And maybe I should
cook the patties and do the dishes
and wear square pants and live in a pineapple
while you wait -in the unemployment line!
-No! Order up! You deliver it, I'm on break. Penny penny penny? [sniffing] Penny penny penny? Mr. Krabs is still distracted,
now's my chance! [sniffing]
Here penny penny penny? -Your order is served, sir.
-Huh? I'm sorry,
I did not order a side of lips -with my patty!
-Oh dear. I'm taking my clams elsewhere. SpongeBob,
why aren't those orders up yet? Hmm. Well that was
another day wasted. Your day's not over,
Mr. Squidward. I want you and SpongeBob
to build a Krusty Krab float for the Bikini Bottom
parade tomorrow. [growling] It's a shame old man Krab
sold the Krusty Krab. That's a darn shame. Hey lady, do you know
where we can get something to eat around here? That's it, I quit! [blows whistle] Somebody call ambulance!
Oh you're here. Wait Mr. Krabs, who's
in charge while you're out? [gibberish] Ah! Thattaboy SpongeBob, this is
gonna be a tough one, though. There's no clear cut winner. Watch out, SpongeBob, Squidward appears to be
on the verge of a breakout. There might be a new face
on the wall this month. Huh? That's right, SpongeBob,
I might sneak up on you. [laughing] I'm holding a package from famous producer
Buddy Barracuda! I sent in my play and now
he's going to produce it. I quit!
So long, losers! Let's see, all right,
thank you for submitting
your play entitled Squidward Strokes of Genius , your work speaks
volumes about you as an artist, a person
and a member of society. So it is with paid pleasure
that we announce we will not be doing your play! [sighing] [snoring] [chattering] [laughing] [chattering] What are you two doing? Get to work! Wait for it... On time percentage
one hundred percent. Another day, another migraine. Heh heh, my-- On time percentage,
twelve percent. Great, heh heh heh. [sighing] Isn't it great working
at the Krusty Krab Squidward? Huh, isn't it? -Working here?
-Yeah, great. -Yeah.
-Yeah. -Oh yeah.
-Yes! Get out there
and promote the Krusty Krab! Will we get overtime pay? Over what who? Oh sure thing Mr. Krabs,
I'll get right on that. Please come again...
when I'm not working, next! Hi, Squidward. How am I supposed
to enjoy your day off if you come to work anyway? I want you to meet
my new friend, Bubble Buddy. This bubble is your friend? [laughing] Well, he's handsome,
I'll give him that. [laughing] What'll it be? -Oh, I'm not hungry.
-Well, thanks for stopping by. Wait, you haven't taken
Bubble Buddy's order yet. Why would I do that? He's hungry. He's an inanimate object! His money's no good here. What are you saying,
Mr. Squidward? Everyone's money is good here. At the Krusty Krab,
we serve all kinds. I'm not taking an order
for a bubble! [birds chirping] My, what a beautiful day
it is outside. Too bad I'm cooped up here
inside the Krusty Krab. Who are you talking to
Squidward? Just like I always seem
to be on a nice, sunny day. [yelling] Give away all money, boyo, What, he just said that-- Oh, I knew you were
only kidding Mr. Krabs. You really are generous. [laughing] I want to remind you all
that you're representing the Krusty Krab! The greasiest greasy spoon you'll ever have
the privilege of serving! Oh, you tell him Mr. Krabs! Bring it around town. Yeah! [snoring] [grumbling
Bring it around somewhere! Open the doors and let
the consuming commence! I'll be in my office
polishing yesterday's booty, [chuckling] I'll be in my office
polishing yesterday's booty. [chuckling] [laughing] It's official. [laughing] I hate everyone. [laughing] You imbeciles think
that's entertainment? Well, brace yourselves
for some true entertainment. [clarinet music] -Patrick?
-Yeah? -Are you okay?
-I'm fine. [crowd booing] Hmm, something's missing. A-ha! June 15th. Fine month for pickles. [snoring] Order up! Care to join me
first solstice caroling? ♪ Walking in the grass,
It's so fine! ♪ ♪ Don't need shoes
In the summer time! ♪ I'm not much of
a summer person SpongeBob [clearing throat] [clearing throat] May I help you? Well, it's almost
quitting time Squidward. Got any big plans
for after work? Nope. [growling] Hey Squidward. Pretty incredible shift, huh? If you say so. Any plans after work? No. Yeah, me neither. Just going to be hanging
at Casa de Esponja. Feel free to drop by
if you're in the neighborhood. [laughing] It'll be quick and painless. if you want
to bulldoze my restaurant it's going to be
long and painful! Stand your ground Mr. Krabs,
we are right behind you, right Squidward? Squidward? [screaming] [screaming] [screaming] Ow. Hold it right there mister! [laughing] [screaming] [screaming] Huh? [yelling] Phew. Looks like this area could use
a few more decorations. -Squidward?
-Now what? The decorations over here
looking a little sparse. Why don't you hang up
a few balloons or something? Ah, that's better.
Looks lovely Squidward. Excellent work. [screaming] [laughing]
How cheesy. Who could ever be
frightened by that? [quivering] Hey, Moist Bob Drip Pants,
do you mind? Sorry Squidward, I've just
never seen a seance before. Well, try to contain yourself. [clarinet music] Eh? You know, Patricia,
they don't call me the sizzle lips squid
for nothing. So are you free
this Saturday night? No. That's the night Sponge Bob and
I are having a staring contest. SpongeBob? Get back to work
you code breaking freeloader! This is where I work,
these are our customers, and this is Squidward,
my best friend! Huh
That is a filthy lie! Ooh! Speaking of filthy, I better wash these dirty hands
before I get cooking. Squidward, be a dear and keep
an eye on him for me, will you? Bawk! Say, you are pretty cure. Did you say cute? [chattering] Okay, get back, you animals! Pardon me. Whoa, slow down, speedster. [laughing] -Go jump in a coral bay!
Mr. Squidward! How many times
do I have to tell you? The customers' jokes
are always funny! Four, three, two-- [screaming] Open for business! Yeah woo. Need some more change? You lose! Need some change? -No.
-But Why? Because I'm all out of money! We might as well
shut her down early. Just as soon as that guy
finishes his meal. You mean the guy
who's been nursing a single fry for the last hour? When he goes, you can go. [growling] Excuse me sir, but
you seem to be having trouble masticating, here,
let me help you. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! [swallowing] What, no tip? Finally, yes! Leaving early. I can't believe
this is finally happening. [screaming] That means he won't be
living next to me. [sighing] [laughing] Hmm, I could have sworn
that sign said open. [breathing deeply] Once in a while,
I need to breathe in and not smell grease,
or the stench of my miserably failed life. Talking to myself, again. What am I going to do now? Well, we could
rebuild Karen too? Welcome to the Krusty Krab.
May I take your order? Beep, beep. Keep it up Mr. Squidward. The kids love robots. Oh what I wouldn't do
to have my face in a toilet right now. Well, do you wanna order
something or do you just wanna block my reading line? Squidward, you just drove
away Gene Scallop! Don't you know our lives
depend on his review! Krabs, the only thing
my life depends on is going home at six o'clock. It's after closing
and I'd like to go home! [phone ringing] I got it, I got it, coming! -Hello?
-Ow! Sorry sir, we're closed--
-Ahoy there! Krusty Krab,
how can I help you? Pizza? -Of course, we have pizza!
-Uh, Mr. Krabs! Our delivery squid
will bring it right over. Mr. Krabs, we don't serve pizza! -We don't deliver!
-We don't deliver, but you do! Can't you just get
SpongeBob to do it? Great idea!
Take him with you. That's not what I had in mind! Out of sight...
out of my mind. SpongeBob,
do you remember that little talk we had about personal space? It's okay Squidward.
I'm official, look. Co-cashier? Ah yes, just how I like it. Nice and empty. Hey, I'm still here. Oh yes sirree, nice and empty Do you work here? Welcome to
the Krusty--what the? Well, there goes my nap. Okay Mr. Krabs,
I'm taking my vacation now. What's wrong Squidward? I can't take the world's
greatest fry cook anymore. I'll see you in a week. Orders up! [groaning] Another pair of
perfect patties, -hand them over Squidward--
-What? Okay, now they're perfect. [laughing] [laughing] [laughing] Okay, enough,
everybody gets it. Our patties are perfect. Keep them orders coming boyos! [grunting] Next time danger threatens,
don't expect any help from us. I'm shaking, Mermaid Man
and Barnacle Boy. Mermaid Man
and Barnacle Boy? Squidward, SpongeBob! You two take these petitions
to save the Krusty Krab and secure as many
signatures as you can. Sir yes sir! Oh yeah, I'm definitely
going to do this. And I'm going to be
the signature, there. And how about you, Squidward? Can we count on your support? [gasps] Squidward? [sighing] Ah! [gasps] You... faker! No to mention you were
sleeping on the job! I have a question about
the Krabby kiddy meal, is it really,
really, really cute? Adorable. Cuter than
a regular Krabby Patty? Yes. What do I look like,
I'm made out of tin cans? No, but that pile of
tin cans over there is. Good thing
we get you around to always point out the obvious. Good thing you're around
to never notice the obvious! Hat and uniform
seem to be in order. Hmm. Promise me you'll shave
tonight, and you pass. Hoorah. Yeah, I'd like to order-- [grunting] Hold that thought. SpongeBob,
what's all the racket? -Uh, so I'd like to order--
-Shh! Squidward, where
the barnacles is SpongeBob? This place
is going down the toilet. Patties need flipping! If I knew, do you think
I'd be standing here getting yelled at
by a bunch of morons? That lucky customer
is going to get the first Krabby Patty pizza ever. Good, then you drive. I can't I'm still
in boarding school. Come on, SpongeBob.
It's just around the corner. Well, yeah, but--
-Just do what you do in school! [phone dialing] Hey, you are lucky loser
number one, please try again. Hey, you are lucky loser
number five, please try again. Hey, you are lucky loser
number nine, please try again. Twenty-two, try again. Twenty seven!
Sixty five! Oh, come on! Nothing but a scam! Hello, you're
winning caller number 102! I am? [sniffing] Hey, in or out, mister,
you're letting out the AC. Weirdo. You're fired! You're fired!
You're fired! You're fired! You're fired! Thank you boddo,
I got stuck in the firing mode. Oh, to be fired. [sighing] [sighing loudly] [sighing loudly] [sighing loudly] Oh for dolphin's sake,
do tell what's troubling you so. Krabs doesn't think
my ideas are helping. Shocking. I just wanna help him find the
perfect Krabby Patty gimmick. Sounds like you'd better
stop bothering me and put on your thinking cap. Great idea Squidward! That will keep him
out of my hair. [snoring] [grunting] [screaming] Okay, who's the wise guy? Oh my goodness! Who is this handsome young man? [swooning] [beeping] Got your steaming
hot bun delivery here. [beeping] Hey, what's the big idea here? [laughing] Hey, hey Squidward,
did you see me? Okay, see you later
Squid-nator. Good morning, Mr. Squidward! So, are you ready? To go home? No, to exchange gifts
for Employee Brotherhood Day. Mr. Krabs, you pay me
to stand behind this register and take orders and give change. But you could never
pay me enough to act brotherly
towards that guy. Hey, Squidward,
guess who just got a job? Guess who just quit? Rev your excitement engines
Mr. Squidward! Do you not know
what tomorrow is? Another monotonous day
I spend walking in slow motion
toward an empty horizon? [screaming] Greetings,
although your establishment seems repugnant
and foul in nature, it seems not to offend
our sensitivities. It is for that reason,
plus the fact that we have been stuck on a tour bus for several days,
that my sisters and I would like
to eat something here. Okay, but first,
let me call the mortician and tell him
his uniform's been stolen. [laughing] SpongeBob, how about
more Krabby patties and less heavy breathing? [grunting] Wow, that's the longest
I've held my breath, three whole seconds. I'm going to try
for five seconds next. Keep that up
and you'll lose consciousness. tentacles crossed. Oh ahoy SpongeBob, I was just using
some old toothpaste I found to patch up
this small hole in the wall. Good thing you didn't hire
a professional to do that. And why is that Mr. Squidward? Because then you'd only
get to repair it once. So what flavor is it? It's just a hole
in the wall boy, it doesn't have a flavor. No I mean the toothpaste. Well, I think it's-- Hey look Mr. Krabs,
that small hole in the wall just became a medium sized
hole in the wall. Time to get out
the dental floss, ha! Backing up! Beep beep beep beep beep beep! Better off not knowing. Hey Squidward. Hey Squidward. Hey Squidward. -Hey Squidward.
-Okay, I'll bite. -What is it, SpongeBob?
-Do you know what today is? Annoy Squidward day? [laughing] No, silly.
That's on the 15th. Today's the beginning of the judging for
employee of the month. SpongeBob, don't you know
that award is a scam? What do you mean? Mr. Krabs gives you that award so you'll work harder
for no extra money. Well, hurry up! I gotta cry too. Why Squidward? Because when Jim leaves,
I'll be stuck with you again. Don't worry Squidward,
Jim won't be leaving, he's taking my job. I'm the one who's leaving!
[crying] Really? Yes! [cheering] I thought we were performing
a ritual to attract customers, and the only way
the ritual can work is for us to get hurt real bad. What stupid barnacle
can told you that? Uh... Name, SpongeBob Roundpants,
well this is going well. Hey Mr. Cashier, looks like
we're going to be co-workers! [groaning] Question two, have you ever been
convicted of a felony? Hmm, what's a felony? Being too darn happy
all the time! Oh yeah,
lots and lots of felonies. Ha, moron. Check this out, we have a delivery for you,
Mr. Squidward. What? You can't be serious,
an artist such as myself should not be subject
to such menial tasks. Ahem! SpongeBob, I'm-- I'm just gonna stop you
right there Squidward, spare you the oxygen. We all know you weaker folks
can't afford to waste it. Oh, this job stinks. But at least I'm not
digging ditches. Squidward, SpongeBob!
I got a new job for you. No, may I resume
my minimum wage duties? After you present
your brotherhood gift. I'll buy
the little twerp a gumball! Oh no, no, no, no, no, lad. You know the rules. You have to make the gift. The only thing I'm making
is for the exit. What a money-tastical day,
eh Mr. Squidward? Yeah, I'm just raking it in. I'm excited about all
the newspaper sales too. We haven't sold
any papers today. Fry cook SpongeBob
reporting sir. What's all the yelling about? Today is the twenty fifth
anniversary of the first time my archenemy Plankton
ever tried to steal the secret Krabby Patty formula. You just don't find employees
like that anymore. [laughing] Yeah, not unless you look
right in front of you! [gasps] You're right boy. I appreciate your Squidward! Now I feel complete. Five, four, three, two, one, I'm done with
my shift Mr. Krabs! And let me just say
there will come a day when I will make
something of my life, and I will never have to set
foot in this grease trap again! Yeah, we'll see you
after your lunch Squidward. Okay. Hi Squidward! Who what when where how? Notice anything different
about me today Squidward? Huh huh huh huh huh huh huh? Nope. I'm wearing a wig! Oh yeah,
how could I have missed it? Can you believe I found it
lying around in the street? -Amazing.
-If you want to, after work, we could go
look for a wig for you! I can't wait. Plankton hasn't tried to steal
the formula in over a month. He must be planning
something big. Hello. One of you will have to
volunteer for some extra work. Goodbye. Huh? Welcome to the Krusty Krab. May I take your order? My order? I see Squidward
must not have gotten the last company text mail. Karen will be taking over your
duties from now on Squidward. She's efficient,
and more importantly, -I don't have to pay her.
-So I'm fired? No more taking orders? No more interacting
with customers? No more SpongeBob? I'm free, ha ha!
I'm free, I'm free! [cheering] Would you two go away
and stop ruining my vacation! Vacation? Gee, I didn't think
Krabs gave us any vacation. I found someone
to cover for me. One Krabby Patty coming up sir. [screaming] No need to shout Mr. Krabs, he's right here secretly
watching his favorite soap, As the Tide Turns. Shut it Sponge Bob, the killer's
about to reveal his secret. You understand? Them guppies,
them's my children. I knew it! In case you two haven't noticed,
we got no customers! And we're not gonna
get them back if you two lazy Susans
sit around the TV all day. [scratching noises] [dripping and scratching noises] [dripping and scratching noises] [dripping and scratching noises] Is it [INDISCERNIBLE] Squidward? Wow! Squidward, do you think Vikings
really drink their beverages in Viking size? Of course they do. How else would Mr. Krabs come
up with such a brilliant idea? Do you think-- SpongeBob! Can't you see
I am trying to work? -But--
-But what? There's so much more about
Vikings that I want to find out. Well, then why
don't you go ask them? [gasps] Thanks Squidward, muah! What's that music? I think Mr. Krabs is gonna sing. Oh great. ♪ If I could talk to money,
How great my life would be ♪ ♪ We'd tell
Each other secrets ♪ ♪ All their friends
Would visit me ♪ ♪ We'd bathe in filthy riches
Which is clean enough for me ♪ ♪ Oh, if you could
Tell me what you want ♪ ♪ How happy we would be! ♪ ♪ We'd surely be
The best of friends, ♪ ♪ We'd never disagree ♪ ♪ There couldn't be a downside,
Not one that I could see ♪ ♪ If I could talk to money,
Come along, sing with me! ♪ Uh, no thanks, I gotta go!
I really have to pee. This is great! My day off, no worries,
just relaxation. I'm the boss, I deserve this. Everything will be fine. There won't be
any customers today anyway. He'll probably just
stand there bored, heh heh. SpongeBob, bored, heh heh. Eh, getting kinda bored. [sighing] [snoring] [panting] Oh what am I doing? I am wasting valuable,
relaxing time, that's what I'm doing! I made, really? What are the odds? SpongeBob
setting the Krusty Krab on fire? [laughing] Hmm, there's something missing. Ah! [laughing] Hello, yoo hoo, mail delivery! Hello, I'm Squidward, welcome to the Krusty Krab
where we never leave our post. [laughing] And how may I help you
on this fine day? Right... [screaming] Hey! It's hard to get
my beauty sleep when people keep
dropping junk on my head. [humming] -Morning!
-Whatever. [humming] -Morning!
-I said whatever. Wait, didn't I just-- [laughing] -Boo!
-Hoo! Who? [laughing] There's only one explanation, I'm still in bed
and I'm having a nightmare! Wake up! Wake up, wake up! Hey, I'd like to place
an order for two. Two, as in two SpongeBobs?
Sure This is all just
a bad dream, right? I'm dreaming. You're in my dream! That's me, the man
of your dreams. This is a dream,
there are no consequences. I can do anything! Heh. Huh?
I really am dreaming. My name is SpongeBob--
[groaning] [coughing and gagging] Sorry I'm a little-- I'm a little-- Sorry I'm a little nervous. My name is SpongeBob
Roundpants, and I would like
to seek employment from this eating establishment. [groaning] That's my thing! Yes, it is. And consequently,
you are just neat as a pin! Now get to work! I'm as neat as a pin. I'll show neat as a pin! [yelling] [yelling] Where's my bubble bath
Mr. Krabs? There you go. Now get to work! Mr. Krabs,
I can't come in today. I caught something terrible. What'd you catch? I caught sight of the calendar! Is Squidward coming too? Nope. I got him a job
in the entertainment industry. Whoa! Still better
than working with SpongeBob. [elephant horn] What's this?
Hmm, haven't seen this before. Hey look, it's Patrick! -Hiya SpongeBob.
-What are you doing-- [yelling] Dear Neptune! Good day gents, uh Squidward,
I would like a hiya! A what? I said one Krusty combo. Don't you speak karate? [sighing] And who are you
my Rubenesque beauty? That's Patricia, our newest
Krusty Krab employee. Well, she sure is stunning. I hope you're happy Mr. Krabs! You're driving him insane! Yeah yeah yeah, you'll
eat me if I'm lazy, whatever. [roaring] Not the Home and Garden section! Excuse me, I think
your ice machine's broken. Keep looking,
you'll find someone who cares. Excuse me,
a patty for the lady, please. Try reading the sign, Casanova. Uh, uh... You never learned
to read, did you? -No.
-That's all right. Neither did I. We are meant for each other! Even the illiterate are
finding love, oh Squidward, why are you torturing yourself
with tales of romance? Squidward, you dropped your ook. That's no ook. It's just a cruel reminder
that I'm single and likely to remain that way forever. Here here here, see them? You, you can't do that to me! I'm your boss! Not anymore Mr. Krabs, I quit! Ugh, no! I'm outta here! Squidward you're making
a big mistake. Mistake, ha! The only mistake I ever made was wasting my life
at the Krusty Krab! -Eugene my man.
-Squidward, how's the break coming? Should be over
in a couple hours. Have SpongeBob send back a patty
and an ice tea, will you? Sure thing Squidward. [laughing] Listen to this, individuation of the end user
would substantially broaden the probability
of multiple subsequent visits, generating an inverse
negative revenue margin of three quarters
of a half of one percent! Meaning if you call
the customers by their name, they keep coming back to
spend more of their greenbacks! So I want you two to learn
the names of every customer. I have an important
life to live, and it doesn't include
chattering with you two! [chattering] [grumbling] Mr. Squidward,
it's not time for your break. I'm taking
a permanent break from you! I quit! [grumbling] So, who won your stupid quiz? It was a tie. Well, it wasn't a tie,
but we had lots of fun! Let me see that. [laughing] A triangle? Ha ha! Patrick didn't know
anything about you, and he's supposed to be
your best friend? What a fantabulastical day,
eh Squiddy? Yep, another wonderful,
humdrum day slinging burgers. Well, I didn't think
it was possible, SpongeBob, but you look even more
ridiculous than usual. Don't be jealous, Uncle Squiddy. I made one for you, too. Don't bother! Only a fool would wear that. Avast, ye shipmates, don't these
just shiver your timbers? [laughing] Get that suit on, sailor.
It's already been paid for. Rage, fury,
irritation, humiliation. Only what's on the menu,
old timer. This ain't no way
to treat a loyal customer. [laughing] Well, that's a first for you,
an unsatisfied customer. Aren't you happy for me? I sure am. So long, boys. Have fun Mr. Krabs. [sobbing] Heaven knows I won't. Hey, hey!
You can't take that elevator. You're an employee! Not anymore, I quit! Quit, you can't quit. Welcome to the Krusty--
Squidward! Careful,
this is made of imported word. Imported all the way
from that junk pile out back. Neptune's inconsolable. Maybe if there was something
to distract him from his pain? Well, the only thing
that can usually do that is something that hurts
more than the original pain. Great idea. Go play him another song. For those who care, I am nothing
short of an artistic genius. Word. Unfortunately,
that precludes me from doing any commercial pieces. -Goodbye.
-Hey, now hold on Mr. Squidward. You and I aren't that
different from each other. We both make product. Are you suggesting
that Krabby Patties are art? Yes. It's Squid's day off. [gibberish] [laughing] What was that? [laughing] It's SpongeBob. He's spying on me to see
if I'm really doing errands. But but he left his post and I have finally
caught him messing up! A-ha! I caught you Sponge-- [laughing] branch. I suppose I'll never know
the true meaning of summer. I thought I knew at once, but
that was a long, long time ago. You mean this morning? Yeah. [cheering] Get to picking up that trash! But it was your punishment. I like to think of it
as our punishment. And by ours, I mean yours. Now get going! I am gonna do what you've said,
but you should know I resent it! -Squidward, in the machine!
-All right, all right. Oh boy, what fun. You lose! -51, 52, 53!
-29, 30, 31! One two three one two three! Mr. Krabs, can we please go now? Perhaps one of our
more loyal workers can enlighten you
on company policies. The Krusty Krab
Employee Manual second revised edition page 35
section 19 clause 3A states, All staff must remain
on the premises until the day's receipts
are fully accounted for. But that's not fair! Clause 3B, the proprietor
reserves the right to be unfair. Teacher's pet. My pelt! Mr. Krabs! Sandy's making off
with the formula! So far today, and it's not
even two o'clock yet, you have cried 43 times. And you wrote that number
on a chalk board? -Yes!
-Why? I have no idea. Squidward,
there's no way I cry that much. There's not that
many tears in my brain! Oh contraire! What's this? It's a quick montage of
flashbacks I've edited together that shows the hundreds of tears
you have cried over the years! [crying] Oh stupid particles,
tartar sauce, fish paint! [groaning] First,
we must get rid of our uniforms. They are a symbol
of our oppression. I want you to throw your hat
on the ground, like so! Now stomp it into the dust! What do you like better? The coral bits or
the nacho oyster skins? I like neither.
Can I take your order? Well, how about
the barnacle rings? Are they any good? No, what will you have? Well, what's your vote
on the kelp-- Sir, let's just get this
out of the way. I hate everything on the menu! Now what do you want? [screaming] [sighing] Guess I'm down to
the comic section. Squidward! You were right. There's no more work to do. I have done it all! [roaring] Which means he is gonna eat us! Folks, we have a minor situation
going on in the kitchen. Where's our food? I'm so hungry. This is my only lunch hour. Where's Old Man Jenkins? Take it easy! The food's no good here anyway. Squidward,
what's going on in here? Why don't you go ask
Cow Bob Ranch Pants and his faithful companion,
sir eats a lot? [screaming] Orders up! [growling] I'm introducing
a new Krusty Krab promotion! -Oh, you are!
-I sure am. Who are you going to
introduce it to? Why all my loyal customers
of course! Ha! Anyway, we got
new beverage cups. Wow. There's regular, large,
and the new Viking size! But Mr. Krabs, these
are all the same size cup. SpongeBob, this promotion
is designed to save us money. But don't forget,
each participating patron who purchases any drink of our
new Krusty Krab Viking sized cup gets a chance to try on this
genuine cardboard Viking helmet. That he found while cleaning out
his attic over the weekend. Don't you know
when you're being ignored? You're the only one talking. Can I help you? A double crappy patty
and coral bits for me, and a silly meal for the lad. It's not for the toy,
I just-- I gotta fit in
the tights, you know? Whatever. Good Mr. Krabs, soon you'll have more customers than
you'll know what to do with! Its about time! Where have you been? I'm out of here. Oh, not you again. May I take your order? Hmm... Hmm... I'm thinking about
having a Krabby Patty. One Krabby Patty. But I'm wondering if
that might be too predictable. Then what do you what? I don't know. I'm not feeling
inspired at the moment. Hiya Patrick ordering up
a delicious Krabby Patty? Maybe, I don't know. I'm in a creative slump. Oh Patrick, that's terrible. Just order already! Okay, I want new ideas to satisfy a public hunger
for my googly goods. Off the menu! Choose something off the menu. We don't serve
artistic advice here. Then why is it on the menu? I wonder
what's wrong with Petunia? Huh? Nothing's wrong with her. She's a perfectionist like me! I'm in love with her. And I can't keep it
a secret any longer! Petunia! Ahoy there, mateys, welcome
to the Krab Meal Mondays. It's my birthday. Can I start you off with-- Will you sing the Krabby
Monday birthday song to my special little man? Happy happy birthday. -Happy happy--
-Uh Squidward? Can I talk to you
for a second? Right about... Now, eight o'clock!
So long, suckers. I've got a hot date
with a little lady and her name is clarinet. -What?
-Are you open? Read the sign. I'll have a Krabby Patty Deluxe
and a double chili kelp fries. No, you won't. I can't hang out here all night! I've got a life. Well fine, if you don't
want my money. Money? You mean if
we stayed open later, you'd give us your money? Sure. Mr. Squidward,
welcome to the night shift. [humming] -Ahem.
-What do you want? [screaming] Squidward!
What would Mr. Krabs say? It's the Krusty Krab
Mr. Squidward! We're always polite
to our paying customers. Welcome to the Krusty Krab. May I please take your order? [alarm ringing] Hey Squidward. [alarm ringing] Hey Squidward. [alarm ringing] Hey Squidward. I won, it's time to boogie! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! This is idiotic. -Dance or you're fired!
-You got it Mr. Krabs! -Hey Squidward?
-What? I haven't seen Mr. Krabs
all morning. -Do you know where he is?
-Don't know, don't care. Why do you want
to eat this anyway? Mr. Squidward, customers
are looking kinda scarce. Heh, must be low tide
or something, hey Squidward? They've all gone
to the Chum Bucket. The Chum Bucket? Breathe on your own time. I don't pay you to breathe. You hardly pay us at all. Come on Patrick, we have to
get back to our playground. Keep the change, my good man. Hmm, a gum wrapper
and a coin that says Manaloa. Manaloa! As in the shipwreck Manaloa? Legend has it that the largest
unfound pirate's booty lies in its ruins. I have been searching
for this treasure nearly my entire adult life,
looking over every nook, every cranny, every dumpster,
once I give me claws on it, I'll be the richest
crustacean in the world! Well I guess that explains this. Looks like him and Patrick are trying to hoard
the loot for themselves. Come on, Squidward! We're going to let
those two ding-a-lings lead us straight to the manaloa. Actually, I have a hot date with my toenail clippers
tonight, have fun with that. What in Davy Jones locker is
going on in here Mr. Squidward? What do you think?
SpongeBob's in one of his moods! He failed
his boating exam, again. When we can't have that,
he's my best employee. -Well no offense.
-None taken. Melancholy and self doubt
are bad for business. -Make a note of it.
-Let me grab a pencil. Ha, it's funny because
I mean the opposite, heh. I'll cleanse myself by listening
to a little public radio. [music playing] [snoring] Squidward! [screaming] What is your problem? My problem is that
you aren't working, which means I lose M-O-N-E-E! Which means
you lose your J-O-B! Remind me again,
is that good news or bad news? Tentacles, I mean it. You get back to minding
that register! Minding it for which customer? I see your point, but still,
I'm not paying you to dream. sweet nothings. Do something, pick up a mop, a broom,
a window wiper. a spatula even! SpongeBob's got that covered. Now let's see how Squidward
prepares for his shift. [snoring] Huh? Remember, no employee
wants to be a Squidward.
