Sonic For Hire - Season 9 "Sonic Goes To College": The First Half!

hey what's up everybody Sonic here lowbrows moving the second half of Sonic For Hire Sonic goes to college over to dorkley and to celebrate this momentous occasion here's the first half of the Season all wrapped up in a tidy little move for you and if you want to get roasted by Yours Truly or even if you don't go check out the dorkly patreon I gotta go take a shower after this I'm out of here bye bye [Music] I always wondered how Sonic watches this nothing I knew it he's such a [ __ ] idiot I do soon I'm too soon what Sonic no I'm old man Sonic I have to work Sonic about something he's not here he's making a vodka hot dog run oh okay I should probably warn him about two things then anyway tell him it's a waste of time you need to tell him it's a waste of time oh what the hell was that about we're going to college what the hell man you crash land here and start spelling this nonsense again I am so sick of your constant bullshitery this time is for real I'm tired of doing shitty jobs for shitty pay I want an education a career to be taken seriously for a change and you better [ __ ] believe I'm putting in the hard work all right let's start getting some applications uh this is impossible can I just bang someone to get in is it you do I have to bring you Tails because I won't do that just like that Meatloaf song you know the song I sing whenever you make meatloaf meatloaf is good meatloaf never fails I want to go to college but I want bang Tales yeah I know can we just focus for a second okay what's the ETA on that Meatloaf look we're not just gonna bang our way into college but I do know someone who might be able to help us holy [ __ ] this episode of Blossom is great God damn it Luigi how the hell is this [ __ ] doofus gonna help us I can hear you oh no no this nobody can't help with [ __ ] we're just gonna use him to find Mario you're both very mean to me for no reason we sure are look Mario's the biggest donor at Council University state if anybody can get us in it's him we just don't know where he is so you know help us stupid why would they help you after you just insulted me to my face oh hey Luigi cool uh a compliment nobody has ever complimented Luigi before you guys are my best friends wow some serious trauma there yikes yeah uh so hey do you know where Mario is not yet the best friends see I've been talking to the locals but they're making me answer this impossible trivia questions step aside I know how to talk to these Italian women hey chess meatballs we're looking for our friend Mario capish a Busta sauce is a salsa that is used on oh [ __ ] Luigi you were right see I told you you got to be king freaking a Jennings to win it is a game you guys are morons let me handle this the answer is food what no that's not the answer wait wait wait damn it food [ __ ] it's Italian food God your dummy shouldn't be allowed anywhere near a college campus a Mario is right there oh hey there you are Mario I didn't think to look straight ahead hey [ __ ] meter love [Music] your Tails hit him with the exposition on it hey Mario we want to get into college without doing any of the work so we need you to get us into college well as you know I'm the biggest booster at console University booster like a kid ghost a what like a youngster but a booster you know like the movie Ghostbusters boosted makes me feel good yeah did you guys want to get into college or what oh right yeah sure ever okay then I need you tools to do a few things for me first win our athletic programs some championships piece of cake I mean piece of cake for Sonic and second you can bring no shame to the university otherwise otherwise what you'll kill us how did that work out for you last time otherwise I will kill your dead owl mom no no wait how are you gonna go push them Tails it's a deal I can't believe I'm going to college this is my chance to reinvent myself I I could be the white guy with dreads or the Frat guy who takes the money and hands out the red cups or the nerd who inadvertently builds a laser for the government how about the guy who does my work and rides my coattails The Stereotype options are endless [Music] what the hell's going on here oh nothing wait a second beanbag chairs bathroom caddies ironic posters you guys are opening in Urban Outfitters no they're going to college they were going to sneak off without us we want to go too sorry too late we had to go all the way to Rome and have Mario call in a special favor in order to actually I've been a professor at console University for the past 20 years wait what the more the hell are you always hanging out here when you should be teaching I'm tenure dude I'm untouchable plus I have Robo Eggman loves Grandma not logical and I'm a legacy there all I have to do is show up we're going to college [Music] Jim come on you're screwing this up so bad Are We There Yet yes Jim that's definitely the worst Ice Cube franchise but also no we're not there yet we are lost let's ask these weirdos Hey kid or 30 year old are you a frosty headed to console University no no we're going to blob alonia what's that some sort of wrestling thing it's my own Planet it's pie yeah it's terrible so do you know where the university is I do but we could sure use your help first ah fine but let's make this quick hey maybe you don't chew so loud or I'm gonna [ __ ] kill you we only need to solve a series of puzzles I won't take but four or five hours I will buy us some pizza afterwards sounds more like I'm helping you move and what's with this Abomination over here that's blob if you give him jelly beans he turns into stuff to help us along the way cool oh hey I got an idea can you give me some jelly beans in those directions now in case we get separated oh right here you go keep going down that road you came from and it's your second left let's get puzzling keep that loser can I come with you yeah sure just eat this first album what's this sorry buddy car's already chucked full of idiots you could have just said no foreign and a one and a two and a three if you wanna be my lovers [Music] College cheap booze casual sex four toilets for a four of 60 guys college is gonna be sick now let's go check out our dorm room which if the only part of back to school I've ever seen is any indicator will surely have a jacuzzi and a masseuse the [ __ ] is this piece of [ __ ] come on Tails let's go talk to the concierge about getting an upgrade yeah they don't have those here also I'm rooming with Jim what you're super batting me uh if by super batting you mean launching the career of the captivating Emma Stone then no I I guess I'm not doing that I just want to spread my wings a bit spread your wings you better not be cash explosion to me this season ah you three love birds can sort this out on your own I'm off to the teacher's lounge Eggman cool exit to the left ah you shot her ah don't worry it's cool I used to teach here so who the hell am I rooming with who is up Sonic looks like we're ruining groomed room I'm not even gonna ask about the grooming part it means we're cleaning each other's bodies whatever come on knuckles I saw a frat party down the road hey Tails have fun spreading your wings while Jim whacks it on the top bunk I'm not saying that's not gonna happen but it's gonna happen hello I'm looking for the dean hey there before you ask no I'm not that Dean Kane I don't know who you're talking about me either but everyone always asks so figured I'd get out in front of it now what could I do for you I do love helping the homeless but I will not give you money you'll just use that to buy drugs I will give you a sandwich though you can trade that for drugs learn a skill I'm not homeless I've got tenure here I came back to replace Robo Eggman oh this literal pile of dog [ __ ] is called robot Eggman we've just been calling him Nick what the hell kind of stupid name is robot Nick so I guess you work here again perfect now where did we land on that drug sandwich now this is more like it let's live it up Knuckles yeah yeah college and knowledge oh come on man welcome to the party pal die hard this maniac's been ripping quotes all night oh you know it I'm college party guy Tails now I'm all about movie lines keg stands and telling people how awesome I am at Wiffle ball hey [ __ ] face I'm awesome at Wiffle ball hey congrats loser first one down and hell yeah did someone say Wiffle ball we whiffing or what ah man what are you dorks doing here what do we got here everybody look we got some newbies in the house looking for friendships that will last a lifetime you chose bloaters what a pledge or what dude I already finished my first beer I'm a machine it's in the hole another quote you absolute [ __ ] psychopath Maniac serial killer okay easy take it easy could it be fraternities or not as cool as I thought yeah whatever time to show these amateurs how to drink Sonic style I'm gonna need cheap hookers expensive crack and a case of my Homebrew I call Sonic Style your Sonic style is no match for my tails root uh Tails wiser [ __ ] I don't really have anything right there come back to me on that one but you're going down pal it's a pledge off yo diesel Direction Bill bro below to Tony tell these newbies who they're up against check it I'm provolone Tony and I'm here to drink professor oh I could do that hitting Kirby burn this place to the ground maybe it's a franchise nope rebuilt it and I spend every week an hour anxiously waiting for that pink Socko to return so I can slice his belly open in a final Act of Vengeance before Embrace and rest eternal time to jug here we go chugging and hugging later [Music] oh I didn't even like the first one and now they're making a third all right you're gonna have to win this one for us Jim uh I already had my one college beer I'm out time's up Sonic and Knuckles are in don't feel bad tails the party guy wasn't really your thing anyway yeah you're right the college party guy isn't right for me I mean I barely drink and I've never even eaten a wiffle ball before so I mean Tails ale [ __ ] Tails ale I should have said your Sonic Sonic style is no match for my Tails ale can we still doing that [ __ ] tails and Jim are also win wait what we just really need the money whoa we desperately need the money uh we're broke oh man provolog Tony's gonna sell pictures of his feet well what do we do now bikini car wash hell yeah oh that didn't go well who would have thunk putting cameras in the sorority bathroom selling pictures of them naked and wearing a mask to pretend to be a girl's boyfriend to trick her into having sex with crimes had an 80s movies lead me astray man you're not allowed to do anything anymore fraternity life is lame I'm gonna go get a job at the cafeteria wait wait wait there's still one thing left a college tradition As Old As Time a game of soggy biscuit saggy but what hang on listen no no oh God here it comes oh my god oh rookie mistake no I'm talking about starting a prank war with another school Prank Wars are for dorks hey hey I just started a prank war with another school hell yeah what'd you do cherry bomb all their toilets slash all their tires soggy all their biscuits here it comes again no I swipe the fire safety plan off their wall so if there's a fire they'll have no clue what to do oh genius I'll get the matches in a kerasantini wait what school are we talking about here yeah some kind of school for special kids or something I believe you mean gifted youngsters you started a prank war with the [ __ ] X-Men if you just return the safety plan along with an apology I'd be willing to look the other way lighten up murder ball we ain't apologizing for [ __ ] I see so it's a prank war you're after prepare to meet your demise [Music] great thank gonna get murdered in super specific ways [Music] all right [Music] hold up man that is too far that bucket could have hit him right in the head oh but dildo claws is fair Gene help me get rid of these things what's the rush no no I think it's time we all put the silliness behind us and to go our separate ways before someone really gets hurt me Mom Professor X lacks you and your group of Ex-Lax manner stop terrible awful no that was great aren't getting off that easy This Is War I was under the impression what we were just doing was the war that was a prank war now it's war war very well to me my X-Men not right now come on standard Rumble rules apply we both go back to our hideouts get pumped and meet up later of course of course my mistake until tomorrow [Music] was erection Bill always sliced in half like this he looks good you look good erection bill nobody wow this room is dead what's uh what's the matter guys you want me to SOG up some biscuits no thanks to Sonic we gotta fight the [ __ ] X-Men yeah we are [ __ ] I say we make a run for it hiding invited Jimmy wanted Joe Biden I don't know who that is hey what's all this lying around [ __ ] it's hopeless provolone Tony is calling his mom check it yeah but some of us ain't got moms son it's too dangerous college is over nothing is over till we decide it is was it over when the Nazis killed Walter White actually yes that was the end of the series unless of course you're counting El Camino but what happened to the Frat I used to know what are you talking about you've only been here for like a day nevertheless where's the spirit where's the guts where's your Mana oh God damn it oh we're afraid to fight the X-Men we're just gonna run back home like a bunch of Scaredy Cats well just kiss my ass from now on not me I'm not gonna take this Wolverine he's a dead man Magneto dead Professor X [ __ ] dead man burn those [ __ ] corpses oh [ __ ] it's them hide I can't stop missing myself all right look if we're gonna beat these guys we can't use conventional methods tails is right let's sacrifice these frat dudes wait yo wait hold on oh God no this guy literally has killer dreadlocks ah your powers are like either super specific or really Broad and undefined a broken loaded Tony and about to die oh well I guess we run the Frat now uh the fraternity's broke remember bikini car wash this is way easier all right I'm done with frat life what's for lunch soggy biscuits oh God here we go ah Ex-Lax man shut the [ __ ] up hello Dean Kane Dean Kane wait a minute the dean came from The Dog Who Saved Easter oh my God Dean K looks just like Mario I am Mario you dummy ah yes I see it now so where's Dean Kane Dean Kane is right here oh my you're naked I know I'm not that Dean Kane whoa I've heard this already where's my espresso uh here you go what took you so long I said I wanted it faster than a speeding bullet I'm starting to think team Kane has something to do with Superman ah and this is too weak I said stronger than a locomotive that'll be all I wouldn't push my buttons Mario one day you'll push the wrong button and I'll just go off he seems nice so what the hell are you doing here anyway I'm the school's biggest donor so everybody knows who's in charge around here is it the dean he seems nice why do I ever talk to you now do you remember why I got you into this school I don't know to build your laser gun that could hit any Target from space hmm actually that's not bad recruit naive young science nerds to build lace no I got you into college because you promised to win this school some championships and I'm looking around and you know what I see I see not championships what I've been here like three days have classes even started yet sounds like somebody wants their dead owl mom to be a dead dead owl Mom all right I'll win you some championships but I'm gonna need something really special in return oh yeah what's that I'll need an expense account a jacuzzi and a masseuse in my dorm room oh okay okay great thanks I gotta order it so that's cool I'll wait oh I really want to go to that investment banking Club it'll really impress my parents I don't know about that man being around a bunch of greedy misogynistic drug addicts just might make Sonic jealous all right well how about the nature Club I am a worm nature Club what am I some crunchy Earth First spicy Bo Heaven door quad oh my [Music] hey goddess I'm Fox spotted your aura from across the quad hi there are you interested in joining the nature Club I mean clearly you're an intelligent eco-conscious Progressive who happens to be super cute I'm not super cute great then I just need you to sign this waiver and you're in and uh what exactly does this waiver say I am illiterate what's with the questions why don't you just check out the fishing club I hear they're always looking for fresh bait I think you mean fresh meat do I hey let's cut out those negative Vibes James and sign the waiver brother aren't you the brave one we will start looking for opponents tomorrow morning 8am sharp at the Riverside trail well did she say opponents Sonic uh don't get me wrong I love bearing and cheering but do you think you should be partying this hard I mean you haven't even played a single game yet relax Knuckles you know how much money I'm gonna make for this school besides what could possibly go wrong oh my God we're out of beer oh wait never mind there's like 30 kegs over there we're good you see Knuckles nothing oh I love the Overworld I'm the same height as everybody oh there she is hey Hilda sir I'm late I had to get my dreads uh polished no problem cutie you're right on time I'm getting a nibble no you're a cutie uh uh wait a minute I thought Jim was going to meet us here have you seen him no all right the mice is uh oh no this fish is way too strong for me if only there was a strong and brave hero around to help me I would be ever so grateful I'm a strong and brave hero [Applause] what the all right what is this holy [ __ ] what is that thing go two tails use flame thrower two tails flavor what are you talking about we need to get the [ __ ] out of here wait what does that say two tails tried to rumble stupid Pokemon you wasted our turn wasted her to I don't know what the [ __ ] going on don't you get it this is a death match between you and that wild sea dragon for my entertainment AKA nature Club [Music] oh [ __ ] oh come on [Music] what the what the hell is that all about oh we're done with the Overworld oh uh Jim Jim what did you do you killed how to make hot pants dude she used me as bait and was gonna let you die for her [ __ ] Amusement it's a Shonda yes but she was totally into me I loved her I loved her uh uh Mario so glad you stopped by I was just resting I mean practicing for the carbo loading uh you know then oh thank God I had nothing man that party was crazy last night I need some breakfast I'm thinking flour baking powder sugar milk butter and one whole egg sifting the dry ingredients together then adding the wet ingredients and stirring to goodbye are you gonna list out the entire recipe for making pancakes because I really I don't I don't want that to be a thing now scoop the batter onto a hot griddle or pan in case you don't have a griddle right can we just talk about the elephant in the room hey I'm not an elephant or am I oh this is a tough one potato then get through I think it threw now I'm talking about that elephant hey can one of you guys spell out the word meth ooh yeah I want it on that spelling Contest no behind the actual elephant what up man oh that I feel like Mario dies every other season I'm sure he's fine or not case Clues pancakes time oh what the hell happened last night I don't know I was pretty wasted man last thing I remember I was hooking up with this girl and then she handcuffed me and after that I must have passed out that's crazy I was handcuffed to a girl too I could only assume I passed out from sex exhaustion wait a second you don't think we both hooked up with super hot coeds passed out got unhandcuffed from the coeds and then a responsible person handcuffed you and me together so we wouldn't do anything stupid like drink and drive and then they brought us to the quad because it's the most central location above the dorms hell yeah sex and inflexion what's the matter with you who sucked your biscuit all right I'm done with food I don't know college is weird I I think I'm having like an identity crisis or something is this more of a Jason Bourne Identity Crisis or like a gender thing you got to let me know because that is not cool they made too many of those Bourne movies I'm talking about finding my place in college finding my place in the world I feel like the the walls are closing in on me I don't belong maybe this is who I am who I was all along whoa easy there Pete Wentz I'm still nauseous from last night oh that's it I'll be the sensitive Soulful singer-songwriter who always has a guitar and a notebook to write lyrics uh I'm already annoyed just on season four this season nine please I don't know what you're talking about I love season four hello boys hey what happened to your voice yeah everybody keeps asking why your voice is different now what's up with that like I don't even hear it you know yeah I don't hear it either you may have heard this already but my brother Mario was a kill hey he was already dead when he showed up at our door all we did was use his corpse to soak up some puke yeah then he was all puky so we hosed him off which made the hallway all slippery so then we used them for a sled for the hallway slip and slide but then Tails called security right after that I didn't call security I would call security after our breakfast nap using my brother as a wander map aside I know you're innocent I'm here to let you know that I'm the new boss in town I thought with Mario dad other bad guys would show up and the whole season would devolve into some sort of rehash we've done a million times before but with a clown like you in charge no offense we can go on doing a bunch of colored [ __ ] oh with a clown have a gun they're like this yeah sure like a squirt gun or one of those ones that shoots bubbles in your head if you don't start winning some championships I thought the deal was Mario was gonna kill my dead owl mom what am I an idiot yes your dead album is already dead and unless you want to join her ah they get a winning well I'm out of here need to get me a guitar and come up with a cool name for it I'm thinking Eleanor or string mouth okay you win you win the track and field national championships are conveniently tonight it's in the bag [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] huh I need something that rhymes with I like you as a friend that you text once a year to check in on as a courtesy because you feel bad hmm gym Knuckles what the hell you guys doing here why are you handcuffed this was the guitar hey guys we got Ringo Star of the bottles over here oh yeah bottle this oh we know is we don't know you succeed you won't grow oh yeah terrible it's like you gave sound diarrhea until it died what the hell do you know you're the establishment man speaking of establishment you hear Mario was murdered on campus security has no leads but I was asking around and I stumbled on an interesting paper trail you see men Eggman I gotta stop you there we got a lot going on this season we don't have time for your storyline yeah Eggman handcuffs so we can find out Mystery Girls from last night and ask him out on a proper date good day to you sir real life ain't taught in classes don't educate the masses oh God here we go [Music] what the hell are you doing run run hey you don't see me telling you how to win the plumber competition or whatever the [ __ ] your game is about there you happy now can I go back to college life you know partying eventually falling for a girl under false pretenses getting made for a fraud pulling my act together winning the girl and eventually graduating yes but after you enter the championship the 100 meter dash was just one event please how hard could it be next event Javelin traveling traveling laughs [Music] no good that was trash [ __ ] come gather around viewers and watch part two Sonic's in trouble and they're so confused oh The Season's halfway up damn it as much as I appreciate that you are disqualified worth it Sonic what's going on here I thought you were gonna dominate but you are embarrassing me in front of my friends is that rygar who the [ __ ] stays friends with rygar and I got it was way ahead of his time anyway would you just a winner of this thing so we can both look good otherwise Bullet Bill is gonna bullet kill yeah no problem I think there's finally gonna be some actual track and field events not these stupid hillbilly competitions next up archery ah come on man we gotta figure out a way to track down those girls we made out with if only there was someone who could give us some advice yeah a real dirt bag you know somebody who's like awesome at stalking women like they're like Pro level at it no it couldn't be just any dirt bag though it has to be literally the lowest of the low yeah but even that's not enough in order to track those girls down this person has to be so despicable so Shameless so devoid of any morals he'd step over his own mother just for the chance at looking up a girl's skirt hello I literally just did all that would you guys just get the hell in here already Yes Sonic's the champion Sonic yeah what the hell are you talking about you were a disqualified I know but I broke Tails guitar again yeah man you know what I don't need a guitar to make art not when there's a harmonica in my pocket and and revolution in the air [Music] Hey Jeffrey temba you were canceled off TV you were creepy and wanted to show your weiner Hey Jeffrey Tembo dammits all right you got the focus here maybe stop shooting tails with stuff take a deep breath relax you're 100 meters about to start go oh [ __ ] done we're national champs oh and I got you this ice cream cone from Switzerland swiss cheese swirl you're going to make this school a lot of money my friend of course you'll see none of it and we'll vilify you if you take a dime seems fair now go enjoy The Spoils of being a big time College athlete thanks zebra human hybrid what time [ __ ] dick head crab legs all right what the hell's going on seriously is this a Real Genius reference that No One's Gonna understand yeah Are we almost there almost did I know I've been looking for my favorite butt plug I accidentally flushed it down the toilet keep an eye out it is gigantic that's it I'm turning back stop stop that listen I hear goyles I mean girls oh [ __ ] and it also looks like we're underneath the Delta Phi cliched pun sorority house hey Apple how about those two super hot guys last night they're talking about us totally Fedora and what about those other two guys who handcuffed themselves to each other and started making out in the middle of the party uh wait oh you mean kale and flannel yeah they're always showing how comfortable they are with their sexuality did we call ourselves kale and flannel last night I got no [ __ ] clue I don't know oh no look at the time we're late for our 315 lingerie pillow fight oh that's all I can stand and I can't stand no more ew that perverted degenerate dwarf is back whoa not cool Fedora no no dwarf is acceptable oh okay I didn't want to offend him hey guys what are you doing here so that was us we did make out last night gotta say I didn't hate it what rhymes with sexual Awakening sexual Awakening and breaking it that's that's the best I got wait you guys don't remember last night Fedora and I were coming back from thong practice when we bumped into YouTube party animals so we handcuffed ourselves to each of you made out for a couple of hours then after we took off the handcuffs responsible Rachel came along and handcuffed you two together and brought you to the quad because it's the central most location to both your dorms that tracks yeah hey guys they not a drop of Mario's blood oh my God Eggman there is no time for you I've explained this to you but what about Sonic's storyline that didn't even seem finished uh I don't know part three part three [Music] hey this is Mike from dorkly with some big news dorkley is now fully independent and we're bringing weekly videos back we've got brand new Originals plus we're continuing some old favorites as well and since we're independent we need help from you the fans any support you can give really helps us keep making stuff so consider checking out our patreon we got a ton of cool stuff like exclusive patreon Originals early releases behind the scenes videos Comics giveaways special merch access to our Discord and a bunch more foreign [Music]

Channel: Dorkly

Views: 164,943

Keywords: Dorkly, lol, funny, pokedex entries, Sonic, Sonic The Hedgehog, Sonic For Hire, Hedgehog for hire, lowbrow studios, tails, dr robotnik, Sega, Sega Genisis, Sonic movie, Sonic the hedgehog movie, movie, reaction, react, movie review, sonic movie review, sonic the hedgehog review, netflix, man on the moon, Sonic 2, Sonic 2 review, Knuckles, Idris Alba, roast, roasts, cynaide, happiness, sonic goes to college, sonic the hedgehog, sonic boom, sonic movie, the fast, dorkly, super sonic

Id: 3_aeN0P6JEM

Length: 36min 41sec (2201 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 20 2023