Eyo cut the music, cut the music— somebody left a ice cube on the ground, it melted and now my SOCK IS WET, who the FUCK wanna DI— So no head? Hmm that's interesting... but what is also interest— what is also interesting... is that I don't give a shit. My ultimate is bready... I've got you in my slice. *dramatic adventure music* Ms. Keisha... Ms. Keisha? MS. KEISHA??... Oh my fuckin god she fuckin dead... It's a dinner rush and the restaurant's full but we want to be seated immediately. Done and done! Let me the pull the table out of my ass! Um, Jared, could you read number 23 for the class? No I cannot. What up I'm Jared, I'm nineteen, and I never fuckin learned how to read! You either buckle down to do your work or you'll end up at McDonald's. we going to McDonald's if I don't do my work?? *laughs* nO [laughing] Hey Dad I just want you to know that I love you. My name is Chef Gordon to you—do you understand? Now fuck off. Where the hell is my risotto? I know you're in there Billy. No I'm not... That awkward moment when you're scrolling through someone's old Instagram photos and you accidentally comment the entire Declaration of Independence... Oh shit! ♪ Don't tell your mother ♪ ♪ Kiss one another ♪ ♪ DIE FOR EACH OTHER ♪ Jello? More like hello... *SCHLORP* *chokes* *huge breath in* Oh... How do you do—? Oh... BALEGDEH - UhM—
- haHAHAhahaha So you guys coming to... my party? - Who?
- You guys… It's just me?... Oh what up? You goin? CHRIS!!! IS THAT A WEED?? - No this is a crayon—
- I’m calling the police!!! *beep beep boop* "911, what's your emergency?" MARY!! IS THAT A POLICE??? I'M CALLING THE WEED!! *beep boop beep* "420, watchu smokin?" Oh yeah? And second of all? You're disrespectin—you're disp-respecting a future U.S. army soldier. Hey Finn, what're you doing? Juuust figuring out how to talk to Satan. What? ♪ HIGHWAY TO HELL ♪ My mom said if I don't get my grades up, she's not gonna let me get my tetanus shot next year. That's weird, what're you gonna do? Fuckin study I guess. sAw yOU hANgiN OuT WiTH kAItlYn yESTeRdAY R-REBECCA, IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK! I wOn'T HeSiTAtE bITcH! Later Mom! What's up? Me and my boys are going to see Uncle Kracker— gIVE ME MY HAT BACK JORDAN! DO YOU WANNA GO SEE UNCLE KRACKER OR NO?? [Africa by TOTO plays] Hello everyvun. Bill Nye is out on vacation. I am Bill Nein. Can I use the bathroom? NEIN!!! [trap music plays] WHAT? STOP. [more trap music] [beginning of Take on Me by a-ha plays] eEHHEHHHEHY
AAAEEEEHYYY
AAHH Why are you running? WHY are you running? The doctor said you need potassium, just eat yogurt then— Yogurt is just fruit sperm, and I'm not ga— Hey class! Happy uh, Kevin sucks Thursday! What's Kevin sucks Thursday? Why would we ever tell you Kevin? Alright, let's tell each other a secret... about ourselves. I'm gonna go first: I... hate you. Yeah honestly I really like guys... hUHh -SERS, geysers! They're one of earth's natural beauties. I also really like dudes! *DUNH!* Man, do you have any shaving cream? No, I don't like the way that it tastes. Wait you eat shaving cream? No, why would I eat it if I don't like the taste?? Hey, is this Gavin? Yeh, I'm at work, bye... I’m at the doctor’s, bye. Okay, well you're obviously lying to me— [rap song playing] Okay... Okay! Well the language is a bit strong, but it has a nice tune! Woah! Hurricane Katrina? More like ~Hurricane Tortilla~ Hey, I'm lesbian. I thought you were American... Holy fuck... it's that n**** from Bug's Life... What's brackin, bruh? How you livin? - My dog's allergic to peanut butter.
- Really? Heh. No, Daniel, you're on Pranked. Look there's a camera— Wha— aHuHA You may now kiss the bride. Asterisk nuzzles and kisses asterisk. XD!!! [Shake It by Metro Station plays] It's a fuckin bear!! NOOOOOO!!!! Oh! Shit he's right there. This is... so dumb. - The higher I am the better I can see.
- You can… you can fly. Hush now Gregory, I am searching. ♪ Lion on the floor ♪ ♪ Harambe, Harambe ♪ "Girl, you're thicker than a bowl of oatmeal." ~mmHmMHMM~ Uh that is not correct! Because according to the encyclopedia of *flpdsdflpsflp* [beginning of Take on Me by a-ha plays] [beginning of Take on Me by a-ha plays AGAIN] what the FUCK is up Kyle? No, what'd you say dude?? What the FUCK, dude??? Step the FUCK UP Kyle!! two shots of vodka..... I'm just chillin... in Cedar Rapids! My favorite fuckin band is... Disturbance at the Dancing Place. You mean Panic! at the Disco? dISTURBANCE AT THE D— *little baby whines* - Sadie, nobody cares. *little baby groans* Whoa, you good man? aaAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH AAAAAAHHHHH AAAAAAHHH So what do you guys do for fun around here? I don't know, sometimes we throw shit at Kevin. Who's Kevin? Kevin!! *bap* Hey, do you think you could push the elevator button for me? No Kevin... fuckin weirdo... *bap* Hey Kev, catch! I'm not gonna be able to catch it... Yeah, I know. *bap* "Yer a wizard, Harry." "I'm a what?" Hey, do you have any sunscreen, dude? You can't get sunburnt from a bonfire— IT'S FOR MY MARSHMALLOW, YA IDIOT! ♪ Is there anything better than pussy? ♪ ♪ Yes! A really good book. ♪ *sick synthesizer chord* I have no soul. Have a nice day! I don't have one either. *kid laughs* - Yo, what's the scoop? *screEeEch* Penis!! *crashing noises* So you zink zat you can danze... Zat's vunderful! Destroy him. *chuckles* It haz cöme to my attenshon... That someone in heyre thinkz that they can d— *laughs* Sö... Yeu think yeu can dance— *laughs* Uhm, Father Steve? Yes my son? Does God hate you if you're gay? Of course not! Oh... Even the babies are one of the most dangerous animals in the world so I built this cage to keep them secure so there's no possible— Oh my god. It's a nice place... what happened to the last owners? They were eaten alive by pirates, my man. I wanna raise my kids here. No off topic questions. Because I don't want to. No, there— no. Permission denied. That's an Off Topic Questions, next. You have been stopped. ~ Polar bear, polar bear pol— ~ *BRRRRH AH* Polar bears are dying. *YEH* The ice caps are melting. *YEAH!* - Humans are depleting all the natural re—
- *AH!* We actually have the chip reader now... Oh yeah? HmMMMm... Oh it's not gonna work with that kind of *BEEP* ch.....? "Transaction completed." I fuckin love lesbians dude. Uhh... they're hot. I'm glad they can get married now..., 'S cuz I wanna marry one... someday... You know? *Bernie on the bongos* Ohmygod... *inhale* o-HOh my— Wait no put it back on, my mom's coming. Oh sh— Well son, it appears that your cancer just— Whoa, I have cancer?!! Whoa, I interrupt people?... Yes. ♪ I wanna church girl, that go to church ♪ ♪ and ~read her Bible~ ♪ ♪ I want a Jewish girl that go to... temple... ♪ ♪ and ~read her Torah~ ♪ Bullshit! Really? Who's in charge of this? Number one?? That's not even top five!! Dad? Is this where you've been for the past ten years? [dramatic music] Dad nOO! whEN WiLL yOu LeArN?... WhEn wiLl YoU lEaRN... thAt yOUr ACTioNs hAvE COnsEqUEnSeS!!! Ohmygo— Blink 182?! - Excuse me?
- Are you Tom DeLonge? - No. My name is Sarah.
- Oh. Nah, it's just a lesbian. Merry Christmas son. Thanks dad! You gave me "one free coupon to get the f—" Fuck outta my life. There's ten of these... How did you take down Captain America? We shot him in ze legs, becauze his shield is ze size of a dinner plate, and he's an idiot. Dudes these days just turnin soft, like I don't understand Me? I stay hard, like I get them killers on you in a second if you cross me. Hey, professor! *smooch* - Awwww
- Step back I think I'm gonna vomit!! - Turn off the flash, you fucking moron. *DUN!!!* - Where's the lizard? [My Neck, My Back by Khia plays] Welcome to Bible study, we're all children of Jesus! [Christine sings Kumbaya] God is looking for geeks here tonight. He's looking for nerds. NGAAHHHH Welcome back to Jesus Christ Hotline. Sir, you are live. - Yeah Jesus Christ fucking SU— - Hey do you wanna maybe get some tacos?
- No I don’t like tacos. Awh why would I say that? I was just kidding. I was just kidding too I didnnot leave. ♪ Don't stop me 'cuz I'm havin a good time ♪ ♪ HAVIN A GOOD TIME ♪ [Bro... he won't even do it.] [Deepthroat by CupcakKe plays from his phone] Sorry, my mom's calling I gotta pick it up. - Hey guys, this is my boss, Gerald.
- ’Sup boys! - Why are you hanging out with your boss?
- He said if I don’t I’m fired. No I didn—I didn't say that! - Your father and I want to talk.
- Have you been doing drugs or… having sex? No! I told you we were raising a pussy! - Get a load of that dog.
- Get a load! - Get a load of that dog!
- That dog! - Look at that dog!
- Look at it! - Get a load of that dog!
- Get a load of it! - Look at that dog!
- Look at it! - Wooooh!
- Wohooo! - Wooooh!
- Wroow!! - Wooooh!
- Wohohoo!! What can I get started? *cries* I'm sorry, one second, it's his birthday and his mom just died. It's your birthday? ♪ Happy happy bir... - no NO! Stop! Stop!
- AAAHHH A waste paper basket, uh—Bert, Bert have you seen my waste paper basket? Ask me that again and look into my eyes. Need the next new dance move, okay? Has anyone done the reverse dab? Nah try it out, man. [Look At My Dab by Migos plays] NO! NNNONO!! - Can you pass the toast?
- 10,000 points to Gryffindor. - And the buttah?
- 700,000 points— I'm eating a... cannoli today, and it's great! Now I'm about to kill my son— *gasps* OHMYGOD MY TONGUE! MOM!! MOM PUT IT BACK IN MY MOUTH!!! - MY TONGUE!!
- Yes... You can't bite. Don't bite! - I need MY TONGUE!!
- Okay, let me put it back in. - No, you’re part ISIS.
- I am not part of ISIS. Back off ISIS! Back off. ISIS took my tongue once, you took my tongue twice. - Okay, then let me put it back in.
- So why am I getting my tongue chopped off? - Right here! [beginning chords to Sail by AWOLNATION] SAIL!!! Ooh, I like your accent! Mmm where you from? I'm Liberian. Oh, my bad. ⁱ ˡⁱᵏᵉ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵃᶜᶜᵉⁿᵗ ʷʰᵉʳᵉ ʸᵒᵘ ᶠʳᵒᵐ﹖ So I'm sitting there, barbecue sauce on my titties... *laughs* - Hey dude, your family’s dead.
- What?!! April Fool's Day!... was like six months ago. You're an orphan now. - Are you racist?
- I am the least racist person that you have ever met. ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT? ♪ ♪ This for the A ♪ (Usher) ♪ [in a Kermit voice] ♪ Shawty I don't... mind ♪ [Just A Kid by Simple Plan plays] - Knock, knock! Heh Oh, hi Dad. What're you up to, huh? Not much, I'm just writing some music. Cool. So I was thinking, you've been making music for the last few months and I haven't even hear any of it. Awh, no, you don't wanna hear it, it's... stupid. Come on, why don't you play me just one song? I wanna hear what my pride and joy has been up to. I don't know, are you sure? I'm sure, just one song. Okay... [ONE TWO THREE FOUR] ♪ I hate my dad. I hate my dad. I hate my dad. I hate my dad. I hate my dad. I hate my dad. I hate my dad. I hate my dad. ♪ ♪ I want him dead. I want him dead. I want him dead. I want him dead. I want him dead. I want him dead. I want him dead. I want him dead. ♪ ♪ I hate my dad. I hate my dad. I hate my dad so fucking much. I hate my dad. I hate my dad. I want him to die right now. ♪ ♪ I hate him dead, I hate him now. Hate him, hate him, hate him, hate him. I hate my dad, oh my god I hate my dad. ♪ ♪ I hate my dad. I hate him so much, I hate him so much. I hate my dad. I hate him, oh my god I hate him so much. ♪ ♪ I hate him. ♪ So whaddaya think? Uhmm... I gotta go... Big Bang Theory's on in like two minutes, I don't wanna miss it. Come on, Dad, I'm just being a punk rocker! It's not true! That's fine, it was super cool,,, it was great...! *sobs* *sigh* *sobbing continues* [a sick beat starts playing] ♪ My son made me sad ♪ ♪ ♪ I'm just tryna be a good dad ♪ Dad??? Ooh I got 69%, eyyy you know what that means... I can't sleep because of that video. ♪ And I get high with my baby ♪ ♪ I just left the mall I'm getting fly with my baby ♪ ♪ Yeahhh ♪ [subtitles will be finished soon} [AGH I'M SORRY I PROMISE THEY WILL IT'S 2/24/21 GIMME A MINUTE]
