*tense music*
*Underground Academy by Hanu Dixit* [CIVVIE]
Okay, so, Slayers X… *Zane laughs* [ZANE] [CIVVIE]
Oh, thank god, I guess we're- [ZANE] - Or was it?!
[CIVVIE] - Ahhh! *nu-metal music*
*Break Me by Seepage & queenjazz* [ZANE] [CIVVIE]
Okay, Slayers X, colon, Terminal Aftermath
Vengance of the Slayer, is a very difficult game to explain and I'd like to know
how Zane pitched it to a publisher. If you remember, this game's demo made me
have a hallucinatory episode because of how… unique… it is. I promise that isn't going to happen again. I'm stronger now than I was then. So this game, right - [inner monologue]
Ah, yes, Slayers X… it's reflective of a very
particular time and place, two or three years
at the turn of the century, and if you're between the ages of 30 and 35,
I bet you'll vibe with this game, like I do, and by vibe with this game I mean… [normal]
It will remind you of a time
when you were a person you hated, a child, born of shame
and steeped in cringe, listening to your censored Wal-Mart copy
of Limp Bizkit's Significant Other, and you have this idea for a really
cool game starring a total badass who says cool things while
he shoots people with two guns! *dun dun dun, dun dun dun*
*Grabbag by Lee Jackson* [ZANE] *rest of Grabbag by Lee Jackson* [CIVVIE]
Imagine you're a child
at the end of history and you were raised on PC games, like you were way too young
to be playing Duke Nukem 3D, and it taught you that women are objects that
you can use as currency when the aliens invade so that you can afford steroids
and really cool sunglasses, or whatever, and then it's 1999
and The Matrix comes out and we're Americans who
live in the middle of nowhere so we haven't seen
any John Woo movies yet so the bullet time and
fight scenes rock our balls off, and the trench coats? Oh, the long black trench coats
are cool as shit, and hackers! Hacking is like magic
but also, the coolest thing ever, and if you're a hacker,
you could bang Angelina Jolie or maybe ignore a baby
in a heroin-induced stupor until it dies, just gimme something to break! Gimme something to break! [RONALD "MAC" MCDONALD]
It's like a jacket, only it's longer,
thicker and far more badass. [CIVVIE]
Gimme something to break! *tense music*
*Underground Academy by Hanu Dixit* This game touched me
in a way I find difficult to explain, and I'd really like
to get into the meat of it, because while you can
call this a shooter, and it is, it is also a glorious shitpost, with a deep history
tied to Hypnospace Outlaw. Here's Zane's web page in that game from when he was
15 years old in the year 1999. And now he made a game. The most badass shooter to ever
come out twenty years after it should have. Now I'm gonna say a lot of things about
this game that you may not understand but you gotta roll with it, okay? I'm gonna pretend nobody
watched the roundup that this was in because it turns out that unless you put
the name of the game in the video title, people don't even see it, which is why I'm naming this video Boltgun. [inner monologue]
I wasn't sure if people
would take the good-natured ribbing about Boltgun as intended
because I was on the Internet, and plenty of people
take a thing at face value, which I should have learned by now. Oh, well. *Break Me by Seepage & queenjazz* [ZANE]
What? *Break Me by Seepage & queenjazz* [STEFFANIE] [MIKEY] [CIVVIE]
So yeah these cutscenes look… well, awful, purposefully awful, PlayStation 1 haunted demo disc awful. [STEFFANIE] [CIVVIE]
Oh god… [SHANNON] [STEFFANIE] [CIVVIE, inner monologue]
And just like that I knew I was in love. She's amazing. A perfect representation
of the female form and attitude, with her green tinted hair… well, no I'm not sure it's actually green, because everything
in this game is tinted green, the color of hacking, and power. The color of… [normal]
Wait, nevermind, her name is
spelled weird and she's probably like 16, You know what? Forget all of that. [ZANE] *Zane laughs* [ZANE AND MIKEY] [CIVVIE]
Suddenly, Slayers'
headquarters is attacked! [ANCHORMAN] [CIVVIE]
Oh. Okay, Boise, Idaho, known for their… [MIKEY] [CIVVIE]
SHUT UP, DAD! I AM NOT TOO WEAK,
I AM A STRONG BOY! I AM A TOUGH MAN! [ZANE] [CIVVIE]
I know, Zane, I've got a key. *laugh track* Also, it says you're a CEO and your mom
is in a tiny apartment… in Boise? [ANCHORMAN] [ZANE] [CIVVIE]
Oh, god, that green tear,
this is… this is art, kids. This game is so badass
that you start with dual pistols that have the Slayer's logo on them, and you look down and… I'm gonna hurl. I'm gonna hurl! [ZANE] [CIVVIE]
Good to know, because in the demo, the whole
hackblood thing wasn't really implemented. This room lets me see all of the weapons, up to and including…
the hackblood talisman! [ZANE] [CIVVIE]
The psykos invade our inner
sanctum hackblood dojo place and so here's what
this game is really like, okay? [ZANE] [CIVVIE]
Zane, come on, your mom's dead,
you can swear all you want! He doesn't though, I've talked to Zane over Twitter DMs
and from what he's told me, he's had sex with my mother
and somehow he still has his wallet. And yes, once again,
we are picking up "glass sharts" which are ammo for the
game's shotgun, the Glass Blasta, which I'll get into, but there's a certain charm to this game
that you just can't get anywhere else. [ZANE] [CIVVIE]
You know, it's kind of nice
to be able to upload a YouTube video and not have to worry about cursing. I get on this train and the whole thing is giving me
"Build engine mod" vibes as it crashes into a bunch of psykos, and when we reach the surface… *painful coughs* [MIKEY] [CIVVIE]
Oh, yeah? *zombie sound* [MIKEY] [ZANE] [CIVVIE]
No, it's not cool,
looks like a pain in the ass to use! Imagine trying to chop
through someone's carotid when the thing gets stuck
on the upper loop of the S! You don't see S-shaped blades anymore because they were removed
from existence through natural selection because anyone stupid
enough to use them died. Anyway… [MIKEY] [CIVVIE]
Yeah? [MIKEY] [CIVVIE, inner monologue]
I don't know if they noticed that
the sewer count was wrong in the HeXen 2 video, or possibly in the Mount Pain TNT short. So I have to correct it now. But no, because I counted
this one in a roundup. The sewer count, once invented as a funny
YouTube man counting gag that would never end, now haunts me. To think… god is dead. Mikey dies saying
he was Zane's daaaaaaaaaaaa, but that's not important,
we have action hero stuff to do. [ZANE]
The S-blade has a hackblood charge! [ZANE] [ZANE]
Wow, I found a secret! [CIVVIE]
Yeah, you bet your ass we're in a rat cave… [RAT KING] *action music* Yeah, sure, why not do a side quest,
it's not like the hackblood is going anywhere. I don't know that,
but we're gonna go with it, getting cheese is on our way. [ZANE] [CIVVIE]
Kids, do not smoke through
your turd hole, you can't do that, however, you can soak
a tampon in vodka and… Unlike in the demo,
these clown heads drop hack blood, which, as we've seen,
you can actually use now. Because this game is finished. You've also already
got the Glass Blasta, and… Uncle Frank's Big Dump? Uncle… No, no, he's… he's locked up… deep deep down… We've got to go to Sloppo's,
where Steffanie works, and from the very beginning,
this game has really open level design and with the setting and tone, I would say that this is closer to
Redneck Rampage than Duke Nukem 3D. Don't worry, the weapons are better,
the keys are labeled properly, and the scatological humor is intact. Sloppo's is serving: Terd Burgers, Diarrea burgers Pig butt-hole sausage, Fried Terd Nuggets,
as opposed to grilled turd nuggets, Fries and a soft drink. So you know how this looks awful and like a weird Build engine mod
with terrible photo-sourced textures, and you're right, but that's kind of charming,
but only because the game plays fine. [ZANE]
Wow, I found a secret! [CIVVIE]
That's Zane's truck stop bathroom face. Hey Zane! I'm playing with your balls! Yeah, fuck your ball pit! [ZANE] [CIVVIE]
Why? [ZANE] [CIVVIE]
Under that park, I assume, are
the souls of children that we've damned to hell by blowing up their playground so that's cool, that's a nice thing we did. It turns out that this sludge-throwing gun
can summon rats that help you out. It's like being able to bring
the sewer with you everywhere we go, and no, I'm not turning that into a gag, the sewer count processor would burn out
and then it would be gone forever. Is that what you want? Up here, I finally find the prize
that I'm looking for, cheese! And I carry this cheese in the rain through
a junkyard but I don't think the rats care. [RAT KING] [CIVVIE]
All right, so if you're
keeping score at home, currently we are beloved by the
rat faction and vilified by the psykos. It's a good start. A thing to note, many of the rats,
including the Rat King, were voiced by friend
of the show Gianni Matragrano. Because it's an indie FPS game,
so he's in it, isn't that right, Gianni? [GIANNI]
Huh? Uh, yeah, but the sewer count, uh… It's not worth it. [CIVVIE]
Yeah, right. That's most of this level, besides
going to Zane's mom's apartment. A return trip for old Civvie
if you know what I mean. And it's full of shit. I mean, really, look. [ZANE] [CIVVIE]
I don't know why turds is
spelled with an "e" in this game, possibly a regional spelling from Idaho. This is a picture of Zane with his mom,
I'm guessing Zane got his father's eyes. And I wouldn't actually fuck his mother,
Nancy-Reagan-looking Betty Crocker ass- Level is over, I'm not even gonna
bother correcting the spelling here but I am going to take note
of Zane in this intermission because this image tickled
my brain into recognition, like that rush your brain gets
when you're dying in a nursing home. God, I'm old. So anyway, we already
talked about the next level. It's virtually unchanged from the demo
because you can't improve on perfection. So let's move on. *Underground Academy by Hanu Dixit* After traversing the secret sewer base, we've made it to Zane's place
of employment, Dollar$haver, not to be confused with Dollar Shave Club,
sponsor of this video. Mechanically, this game is fine, betraying how the rest of it looks
like ass-trash from the butt dimension. I mean, come on, look at it,
I'm not gonna say it looks good, it's not like New Blood is paying me. The whole level doesn't
take place in the dollar store. But it does introduce the villain
of this piece, Mevin Raniels, Zane's step-dad,
and his boss at the dollar store. This isn't the first place
you see the poop-monsters but it's the first you're
seeing them in this video, so here are the poop monsters. In toilets. You gotta get a key to get into
the secret area in Mevin's office. Which means exploring
this whole block of the city. This includes a laundromat
full of cackling bomb-tossers, a mini-golf course, a gas station… and so I paused to take a note about how
there's all these different locations, right and… *endless fart sounds* So this happened because I paused when there was this turd monster
hiding behind a trash can and maybe this is a bug
that's been fixed since but I'm not leaving it out of the video. That's not happening. Boss is waiting for me
so we can go do a cutscene… [ZANE] [MEVIN] [CIVVIE]
Hey, listen, man, don't think
you're special, we're all banging Zane's mom. [ZANE] [MEVIN] [CIVVIE]
Yeah, okay. There's also an arcade: [ZANE] [CIVVIE]
So this shitpost of a game does
feature some working arcade stuff, like skeeball, with prizes, because as dedicated as the
creator was to his vision of… this… [ZANE] [CIVVIE]
You do have to make the game fun too. And most of it is. So I gotta grab Mevin's key
from this feral psyko prostitute. *the noises of that* I promise that this game
is actually fun, okay? *Whomp 'Em Boss Theme* I think you all know how
this game is gonna go, right, it plays fine, and you think it's early in the video
to start posting a spoiler tag but what you're about to see
is so vitally important to this story that I refuse to let anyone go
further without being warned. We're talking like when Janet Leigh
got killed in the shower in Psycho, and you know what, if Hitchcock wasn't
a coward he would have spelled Psycho with a K. [ZANE] [CIVVIE]
Why did you smell… You know what? Nevermind. That's not even what this chapter is about, because we need to talk about
the boss of this… boss? Section? [TOILET BOSS] [CIVVIE]
You know for all the shit I'm dealing with, I should just toss this over to the AVGN, that's a show that dedicates
a lot of time to poop! This show is more about existential
terror, suffering, and dick jokes. [TOILET BOSS] [CIVVIE]
Wait, for the glory of the…
but… aren't they? WHAT?! *Underground Academy by Hanu Dixit* [CIVVIE]
Now, back to the gameplay,
right, you have to remember… Wait, you're serving Sloppo
burgers at your barbecue?! Did you purchase fast food
to disguise it as your own cooking?! NO! FOCUS, CIVVIE! So the meat of this game, beyond
the extremely distracting visuals and details, and the bottomless well
of scatological humor, is something akin to a mod
for a Build engine game made with the tastes and obsessions
of a 16-year-old at the turn of the century, but behind that, you have
the competent design of someone older, like somebody who is maybe 19 or 20. The details of this game are
occasionally hideous, but they have purpose. And the disappointment brought
to this child of the 90's, this millennial angst, filtered through Zane,
who has a terrible œdipal complex, which is why he hates his step-dad so much, and also he's mad because
he's truly the only person in the world who isn't banging Zane's mom. YOU HEAR ME, ZANE? I'M STRIKING YOUR WEB PAGE
FOR HARASSMENT, ZANE! No, Civvie, god damn it,
talk about the game, talk about the game, talk about the game- [inner monologue]
But I couldn't. It was like looking into
a kaleidoscope of faded memories, the toxic concoctions of an underdeveloped
brain addled by violent video games and hundreds of hours spent
in front of Simpsons re-runs. Are you being sarcastic, dude? I don't even know anymore. [normal]
Like a teenager
might have the idea to make it so you can admire your
own reflection in a shiny floor, because Duke Nukem did it in mirrors, but a man would spend the time
to put that into a game. Yuppie fuck Mevin, right,
he's over here playing tennis… [MEVIN] [ZANE] [CIVVIE]
OOOH! You burned him
good, Zane! Fucking gottem! [MEVIN] [CIVVIE]
I swear to god
these subtitles are in the game. I didn't write these and my subtitle guy
is gonna have a fucking fit. [You don't even proofread
your damn scripts, Civvie!] [MEVIN] [CIVVIE]
Yeah, no, fuck that,
we're going into his basement. I bet it's full of DRUGS and POT! That's probably why it's already on FIRE! And his pool is filled with TURDS! Man, Zane's step-dad hates him and he has
a race-car bed and like a lot of bong pipes. And… they kidnapped
Zane's not-girlfriend, Steffanie. [PETER VENKMAN]
Okay so… She's a dog. [CIVVIE]
They turned our not girlfriend
into a werewolf with a rocket launcher! As you do. *bursts out laughing* [ZANE] [CIVVIE]
Okay but hear me out,
if she's a werewolf, doesn't that mean that she spends
most of her time in human form? There's only a full moon
like once a month, right? [MIKEY] [ZANE] [MIKEY] [CIVVIE]
Oh, well, all you gotta do then is just take a drill
and go right into the side of that sucker… No, not really, because we are instead treated
to A TOTALLY RADICAL VR section where WE… ARE IN THE GAME! [ZANE] [MIKEY] [CIVVIE]
I don't know what to do, except I need to open these wall
cracks with explosives I don't have because the game
took away all my weapons. And then I get the talisman and I become
AN ELITE HACKBLOOD MASTER! The secondary makes you fly! I don't know how to master this yet, so the whole separate secret area of
this level was basically inaccessible to me, but not to you, kids, you can do it! I believe in your elite hacker skills! HACK THE PLANET! [MIKEY] [CIVVIE]
The… *bursts out laughing* *metal music* So aside from the tanky werewolf
girls with rocket launchers, this is my favorite level of this game. It really distills everything this game is
trying to do into one glorious package. The high-effort shitposting
congeals into something you can, in all seriousness, and without
any embarrassment, call a video game. It lives up to the promise
of jumping through a window and icing some fool with two pistols. Or me falling into green
hackblood pits or whatever and then the game takes some
health away but doesn't kill you which is such a strange modern
invention that I noticed Boltgun does too. Stay tuned for the Boltgun video
unless that came out first, I don't know, I was working on this one
first because I got to play Slayers X first. You use a three-barreled rocket launcher
to crash this party in this trailer, you take a look in a mirror and- What the! [ZANE] [CIVVIE]
You really get a sense of what
this game is going for here and it's great. It's still wrapped in… uh… [ZANE] [CIVVIE]
Hey, look at that, the subtitles
did the correct version of "You're". I should submit that as a bug report. And these "ship" things
that the psykos drop in, well, you can blow those up as soon
as they land, and it looks so… 90's. And one of the more gratuitous
explosions in this game : Yeah. We've almost reached the… *stifling laughter* The Boise Potato Festival, and this road sign here says
we've got fifteen miles to go, but only one mile if I wanna
go to your mom's house. Obviously that's where we're going, but the game pulls a
Wrong Side of the Tracks on us! I guess your mom will
have to remain unsatisfied. *metal music* I am angry because of how much
better the second half of this game is. The game itself is only about
4 hours long but the depth of it, kids. Oh, when I told you
about spoilers earlier, you think I meant that
Zane's not-girlfriend dies or you master the power of hackblood, but no, no… it's all about the journey… into your butt hole. Never let it be said that
this game held anything back. That there was anything left
on the cutting room floor. That's not even
the only functional ride here. Jesus Christ. My favorite ride is the thirty-something
video game designers regrets hidden deep in a secret
so Zane won't see it. [AX3 reading] [CIVVIE]
And in some of the most brilliant
foreshadowing I've ever seen in a game, NO, NOT JUST A GAME, but in fiction! [reads the text] The only thing that keeps
this level from being my favorite is falling off the side of the mountain
and having to go all the way up it again. And having to travel
through a poop chute. And at the end of this,
I can see the exit, we're hot on Mevin's tail, we're almost ready to show him some
Slayer's Justice, if you know what I mean. Do you? Because I don't! Anyway, the earth tears apart from
under us and we are subjected to… Crevasse of Repugnant?!
CREVASSE OF REPUGNANT?! Even with my hackblood powers,
this proves challenging to ascend. And even more challenging
to get into this one secret here because this isn't a game
with good platforming mechanics, I mean, it isn't, and it isn't meant to be but I still can't get into this hole! Not like Mevin, who got
into Zane's mom's hole, and I asked him, man,
I asked him on Twitter, because he doesn't break kayfabe, right,
and I found that extremely discourteous. [CIVVIE]
Speaking of his step-dad, he's
the final boss and he gave me a bad time, with this bouncy-ass highway section, where he has two phases,
the first being piss-easy and the second
being somewhat confusing because I wasn't sure
that you didn't have to like, wait for him to destroy
more things with his giant head… man, I knew from D.A.R.E. that weed
did terrible things to a person but this is outrageous! You're supposed to just
shoot at him until he dies, but his second phase is
a lot more lethal than his first. [ZANE]
I am the X-Slayer! [ZANE] *Zane laughs* [ZANE] *evil laugh* [????] [????] [CIVVIE]
OH MY GOD! [ZANE] [CIVVIE]
Or else what?! How can I find it if it's a secret? I have so many questions…
what is hackblood? Can I synthesize it? What if you mixed
hackblood with turds? Would they react violently? Is Hackblood like
the Force and if it is, does that mean that Steffanie can come back
as a hackblood ghost like Mikey did? Can hackblood ghosts fight? Was that toilet I fought
made of porcelain or like a stronger,
military-grade porcelain that was designed by
the military for clandestine use, like they were gonna use
our own shitters against us? What happens if the werewolf
virus expands outside of Boise? Why Boise? Don't like 5 people live in Boise? Isn't that like not enough to hold
a whole damn potato festival? *inaudible stupid question* *end credits*
