Pastors’ Wives Ministry Online Workshop: Developing a Women’s Ministry

I'm really passionate for pastors wives because I'm one I've been a pastor's wife for 38 years and when I started at the pastor's wife I was looking for a place where I could learn and grow and be trained and thirtysomething almost 40 years ago that was a little wasn't there let me put it just bluntly but today I praise God that not just the urban alternative has a ministry of pastors wives there's so many streams of opportunities for pastors wives to grow and be trained and be equipped and so we're happy to as the ministry of the other own turn to be a part of your growth and of your calling that God has given you because there's a saying that said God does not always call the qualified but he's sure enough qualifies the call and that's what we're here about today to be a part of qualifying the call because you are called for such a time as this today I'm so delighted and kind of so proud as a mom to introduce my daughter Krystal Evans Hurst and I'm so glad she still uses her middle name she's the oldest of our children and I don't know if I could use that word but she's the most matured she's the first one of her four children and I'm gonna read her resume cuz I don't want to miss anything because I'm so excited today that she's here she's energetic fun-loving the girl next door who loves to encourage other women in fulfilling their full potential in Christ Krystal firmly believes God's promise in Jeremiah 29:11 I know the plans that I have for you and she desires to help other women believe and apply that truth to their lives Krystal earned a degree in finance from Texas A&M she's a gifted writer speaker and worship leader as a member of our church crystal assists me and her daddy but daddy would have lots of stuff we wouldn't wouldn't you say crystal and maybe you'll talk about that a little bit today but specifically she helps me leader women's ministry and I'm so excited about that she loves to encourage women towards a deeper relationship with the Lord crystal has recently co-authored a Kingdom woman and you see that right behind me with her dad you can also find crystals writing on blogs it's called crystal chronicles crystals chronicles where she point Li reflects her thoughts about our faith and day to day experience most importantly crystal is a mom and most importantly she's given me five grandchildren and she's married to Jesse hearse so I'm proud as a mom and as a woman in ministry to introduce my daughter to you crystal Evans Hurst who will be teaching us today on this workshop and developing women's ministry well it's my privilege and pleasure to share with you today in 2010 I did this workshop originally for the kingdom agenda pastors conference and I remember when my dad asked me to do it then and I thought why are you asking me to do it because I wasn't in any official capacity at the church and women's ministry and but I had gotten very busy in women's ministry and had done a lot of different things and a lot of different places and a lot of different seasons and he said yeah you've been kind of all over the place you'll know what to say and so I kind of pulled this together and it was a blessing to me to to pull all the information together and to share it and to see how valuable it was not just to women who were trying to start a women's ministry or trying to refresh their women's ministry but there were also some pastors who attended that that session and the highest compliment that anyone ever paid me as a pastor came to me and he said I wish every woman that was in ministry and every person that was in ministry could understand what you said because this thing about women's ministry is not just about women's ministry it's about doing ministry within the church any kind of ministry and making sure that that ministry feeds well into the vision and mission statement of the church and the direction of which the pastor is leading his flock and so I think from that standpoint we want to talk about ministry but we want to have this thing about women's ministry fit into the bigger scheme of any kind of ministry that we're trying to do at the church and looking at how what we have a heart for what we feel called to what we want to achieve in the context of that ministry how it feeds into the broader vision and direction of the Church of our local church and so can we just take a second and pray real quick before we dive into this juicy fun stuff Lord Jesus thank you so much for every woman that's here for every woman that's watching I thank you so much for the heart of every woman that's in this place that I just pray right now that you would give her some specific practical revelation Lord to remind her not only of what you called her to do but specifically to give her direction and where you called her to go will give you all the praise and glory for what you're doing in this room today in Jesus name we pray amen so first of all I want to talk about why women's ministry there are lots of books written on the topic there are lots of practical suggestions of how you do it and how you're structured and all that and I want to get to a lot of that practical stuff later specifically through the lens of what we do here at O close by bowl fellowship what we currently do and what we're working on but before we get to that just talking about the the theory behind it the philosophy behind it because I think once you get that groundwork straight then you kind of know where you're going with all the practical applications of everything first of all there is a biblical mandate for women if you look at your the handout that you have or what you're looking at on the screen you can kind of follow along with me where I'm going there is a biblical mandate in Titus 2 verses 3 through 5 the older women likewise are to exhibit behavior fitting for those who are wholly not slandering not slaves and then the older women are supposed to teach the younger women and so at our church the byline verse for our women's ministry has been Titus 2:5 simply because that is the context in which the Bible specifically says hey make sure that those women who are seasoned whether it's by age or by maturity are with those women who need to understand how to do this thing because we've got a church where the pastor is preaching and we've got messages and we've got sermons and we've got Bible studies that's great but what we really need is a microcosmic environment where women who've got it in one area or another and none of us have it in all areas at the same time but a woman who has it can show another woman who needs it how do I do this how to love a husband how to raise children how to be holy how to dress how to speak how to conduct herself wherever it is that that one may conduct yourself so that's the biblical mandate that we're basing the whole idea of women's ministry on and then there's a general biblical mandate for discipleship in Matthew 28 verses 19 through 20 it says therefore go and make disciples of all nations baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit and so apart from women's ministry there is this bigger mandate that says hey make disciples tell them about me then tell them how to live with me so if we're not talking about women in our churches we have this mandate that says make sure that people come to me and then know what to do that they know how to study their Bible that they know how to pray that they know how to disciple other people and then the third mandate is the biblical mandate for spiritual gifts we all have different spiritual gifts according to the grace given us and so we've got all these gifts between prophesying and faith and service and teaching encouragement contributing to the needs of others giving leadership all of those things are gifts and in our church we have the opportunity to use our gifts on a broad scale but then specifically in the context of women's ministry we have the context to do that as we serve one another as we disciple each other and then as we have this context of Titus 2:5 where you have more mature believers that are disciple ladies who may just need some extra help in certain areas and so all the way around we can see that whether it's women's ministry or whether it's just ministry in the local church we are told to touch hands grab hands and to say this is how we do it and that's the goal of what we're trying to do at Oak Cliff there are three dynamics at work here when we're talking about women's ministry and the first one is you in the Lord none of this works if your relationship with the Lord is not where it needs to be right you cannot disciple other women you cannot teach other women to do what you're not doing you cannot disciple them in ways that you have not yourself been discipled you cannot use your spiritual gifts if you have not had the opportunity to be trained and to be held accountable for those gifts within the local church so there's this idea of funneling what you've received into somebody else but that can happen if you have not first made a connection with the Lord and to stay connected there because this is all emanating from him this is all based on it's an overflow of our relationship with him second of all you and your church we have a lot of people believe it or not that in various ministries not just women's ministry but definitely in women's ministry that sometimes get into a battle with their church so to speak we want this you're not giving us this we need money and they have sometimes they develop their own agenda for what they're trying to do in their women's ministry and again this is one ministry that fits as a part of the whole thing it's not just about what we're doing at our retreats or at our conferences that's that's not what the end goal is the end goal is to support the local church and their efforts to train facilitate and disciple people that are there that may come through the doors that are members or maybe not but this is a supporting function to what is happening overall at the church and then lastly your relationship with women because ultimately none of this works if the if you've got cat fights breaking out all over the place basically and we know that when you put a bunch of women in the room sometimes no matter how hard you try you just got estrogen everywhere and that just means that there's some working that we have to do but again that's microcosmic of the larger church because you're gonna have that in the church as a whole anyway right so we're looking at all of these things through this lens of what is your relationship look like with the Lord what does your relationship look like with your local church and then what is your relationship look like with the other women in your church you know we've got so many situations where women are trying to have women's ministry and it grieves my heart a little bit because I think we have watered women's ministry down to the next social gathering in a lot of places it's what are we gonna do to have fun and there's nothing wrong with fun what are we gonna do to get to know one another there's nothing wrong with getting to know one another what are we going to do to have the biggest and baddest conference in town and there's nothing wrong with having a great conference but there's everything wrong with that being the end goal because if women come to a conference and they're really not actually drawn closer to the Lord all they had was a good time or if they came to the conference and they leave and they still have no place to call church home you have not offered that as an option and encourage them to get involved in their local churches if they leave and they're not connected to other women not encouraged to do Titus 2 on a one-to-one basis that woman's ministry really has failed and so we want to continue to look at these things in those contexts because that is the goal there are two active concepts at work as I mentioned before be and do we're all familiar with the story of Martha and Mary and I want to look at that just in the context of that story for just a second in Luke chapter 10 verses 30 through 42 jesus and his disciples were on their way to meet in a home and mary as we know we've heard the story a million times we've got Mary and Martha and Mary wants to sit at Jesus's feet and Martha wants to keep busy and I think it's women we tend to have this struggle our whole life really are we gonna choose to sit and be still at Jesus's feet are we gonna get busy doing and one of the dangers of being so greatly involved in women's ministry is that you start being interested in being more actively engaged in the doing than you are in the being because there's always something to plan there's always somebody to meet with there's always somebody that needs prayer and really you can't do any of that well if you're not focused on the being we have to have time at Jesus's feet both individually as leaders in a women's ministry but also corporately if you're not corporately involved with being with your women's ministry group getting to know them spending time with them having fun with them praying for each other studying with each other it's really hard to offer to the women at large in your church what you're not doing with the women in your small group and by a small group I don't mean official small group it could just be the women who are serving with you alongside of you in the women's ministry so we have to stay focused on that reality but if you're not if you're too busy doing and not enough time spent being that you can miss the whole point and I've seen that happen over and over and over again you want to be the person that He has called you to be so that you can do the job that he has called you to do you want to fulfill the role that he's asking you to do but first capitalize on his calling by spending time with him and you want to understand at every step of the way what he's asking you to do every left turn right turn it straight ahead so who are you supposed to be let's talk a little bit about that obedient I imagine that obedient meaning that you've got to spend time with him knowing what it is that he's convicting you of and then doing it I think so many things get blocked in ministry in the church at large and specifically with women's ministry because the women who were in leadership are not obeying they're not doing what God has asked them to do in their personal live with their own husbands with their children and their relationships with folks at work how they're handling their money there's you know I mean not that we have to be perfect because God's grace flows and his blood covers a multitude of sins but at the same time when God is convicting especially when we're in leadership we have to be extremely responsive to that call to his conviction so that he can continue to work through us we need to be students of the word in Hebrews 4:12 it says God's Word is alive and active sharper than any two-edged sword when we are studying the word his word becomes alive and active in us and I think it becomes very easy for someone who has been in church for a really long time to start working off of their old word an old word is good word because it's memorized word it's were that you've come to know because of experience and walking with Christ but old word is not the only word you have to constantly be refreshing yourself in the word continually memorizing scriptures studying the word fresh for yourself so that you have something fresh to offer the women who are under your tutelage committed to prayer we want to meet about everything and meeting is wonderful it's important but don't forget the role of Prayer individually and then corporately with the women who are serving with you there are so many things that God can do on our behalf if we would allow him to but we get busy with the doing with the planning with the meetings with the tasks with the checklist with the spreadsheets and we forget we do all we will do our ceremonial prayer but the question is is are you really praying over that once you leave that meeting are you really bathing that in prayer when you're praying praying for your children are you home are you also taking home with you what you're working on and the church and the people that you're working with Philippians 4:6 be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication with Thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God everything not just the big stuff but Lord we're about to sign a contract with a hotel for our retreat will you please make that contract favorable for us I mean everything he wants to be involved in the details we want to be a passionate pursuer next point of a powerful relationship with God passionate pursuer of a powerful relationship with God if you don't leave time in the word to read his directions for you to hear his voice to be obedient to the voice that you hear how will you know that you're in his will and I've seen a lot of people stay in a ministry not just women's ministry but any ministry even in in the corporate America and a job too long because they don't know when it's time to move and I believe that many of our ministries in church become stale because people don't know when it's time to make changes and a lot of times it's because we would rather stay where we're comfortable and continue doing what we've been doing rather than hear heed that still small voice that God gives when we spend time in his word to either change the way we do things or move people around or maybe it's time for us to go and we get comfortable and one of the things that I just love about Jesus's time on earth when he walked this earth is that he shaped things up and he did things differently and he really wasn't interested in in holding on to the status quo but we like the status quo because it's less work it's less work to keep doing the same thing that we've done every year because we have all the documents we've done it all we've sent the same email we've had the same spreadsheets we've had the same checklist we've had the same schedule and sometimes God wants to do a new thing but we are not able to recognize that simply because we're not spending time with him we don't hear him when he says tap that person on the shoulder or it's time for this person to move into another position we don't hear we just want to keep things simple and easy what are you supposed to do be obedient be a student of the word be committed to prayer and be a passionate pursuer of a powerful relationship with him and then what are you supposed to do well you're supposed to discern his call now how do you do that I'm reminded of First Samuel chapter 3 where God was calling out to Samuel and Samuel got up as a little boy and kept going to Eli because he did not know that that was the voice of God and it's okay sometimes if we have to hear God speak to us a few times I love the fact that God does not mind repeating himself he repeats himself in Scripture he repeats himself to us personally he'll repeat himself to us through other people he does not mind repeating himself until we realized that that's him the problem is when we realize that it's him and then we don't get up so we have to discern his voice and then be willing to take action we need to understand his priorities for us we are lovers of ministry but the Bible is very clear about what a woman should take care of first if she's married she's supposed to take care of her husband and her children in her home if she's not married she's married to Christ and she's supposed to take care of those things that are of priority for him in her life and the church will suck you dry it's the truth it's the truth and it's not because a lot of times the church is meaning to suck you dry it's because women won't say no we are more interested in the doing than we are in the being and we get caught up in the being or get caught up in the doing and then realize that we're dry that we are barren that we are dry bones and God never intended for us to operate that way he does he intended for us to hear his voice discern his call and then understand his priorities for us and then seeking wise counsel one of the best things that I've ever one of the best pieces of advice that I ever got was any time I'm about to say yes or no to anything say I will either pray about it or let me ask my husband or let me talk to somebody about it even if you know the answer is yes or no there's something about giving yourselves a space in time to have your initial reaction to the question and then to go to God and say now what's your reaction to the question and I don't think we put enough time and space in between our decisions part of discerning God's call and understandings priorities for you is to seek wise counsel from other people whether that be a spouse or whether that be somebody else in ministry or whether that be a friend but to say hey I'm faced with this decision I don't want to make a quick decision what do you think because a lot of times people can see things that are happening in your life when you cannot they can see what God has been doing and you'll realize when you listen to other people hey look what God did one year ago and then look what he did six months ago and then look what he did three months ago don't you see the dots and sometimes having someone else speaking to your life helps you to say oh wait a minute I do see what God is doing but we have to back up long enough to give other people that God has placed in our lives the opportunity to give us that wise counsel and lastly asking God to give us his vision and James it says if you need wisdom to ask and sometimes we just need to ask for God to show us we have a stirring in our heart we know that we're supposed to be doing something somewhere but we don't know exactly where and we talk to everybody else but God we will say God use me but then the specifics of that Lord Jesus Susie Ann came up to me today and said I should be doing that what do you think or she sees this gift in me you know god I've never really seen that gift in me what do you want me to do with that and we don't have that kind of conversation over coffee with God sometimes I think he really would love to have with us on a regular basis not about the big things not about the spiritual things but about the little things what are you supposed to do I guarantee you if you take the time to ask God to seek wise counsel to take the time to read scriptures and understand his biblical priorities for you and then to answer when he calls you will know exactly what you're supposed to do so my questions for you right now or what are you resisting what are you resisting in terms of God's authority in your life there's always something and it doesn't mean that if you start recognizing what it is today you will conquer it today but I want to challenge you if you're looking at really moving forward in women's ministry or continuing to move forward in a place where God has already placed you to ask yourself God what barriers to me really being on fire and serving my local church in this way what barrier in my life would get in the way of me really doing for you what you are asking me to do and I guarantee if you ask him you may not want the answer but he'll tell you he will totally tell you exactly what it is that he wants you to lay down at his feet and the second question I want you to ask yourself is if you feel led to be in women's ministry how do you know that God has called you how do you know if you've never taken the time to write that down I would encourage you to write down that journey we are quick to forget if the Israelites wandered around in the desert for 40 years not because God didn't keep proving himself over and over or giving the same message they just kept forgetting and sometimes when we take the time to journal and write down what God has said how he led us here it reminds us of the fact that we really are supposed to be exactly where our feet are standing and that journaling or that remembrance or you know however you want to do it on the computer or whatever it helps you to remember when you're tempted to give it given and throw in the towel God really did put me here he really did put me here your relationship with the church let's talk about that for just a brief moment who are you supposed to be and what are you supposed to do remember the two things Arby and do a person submitted to the vision and leadership of your pastor and his supporting staff you may not like the way they do it but you are supposed to be in a supportive role in this ministry in this microcosm and a lot of I've seen women really disrespect the authority in their church by the way they talk to their pastor or they they talk to other people that are in an authoritative role and we really need to watch that we know we talk about that all the time in marriage you know one would suppose to watch your tone and how she talks with a man and respect that's just all been you know let's just say that it's just all men all men in some degree they need to have this sense that there is a respect for who they are and what they do that applies in the home it applies I've seen it apply in corporate America and I've seen it apply in the church you will get a lot more done if you respect the positions that are at work in your church a student of your church's visions goals procedures and practices if you don't know what your church's mission statement is if you don't know what their typical process and procedures are if you don't understand who does what find out find out what is happening in the bigger picture not just in this little woman's ministry spot but in the bigger picture and how does what God has called you to do fit in the bigger picture of what your local church is doing and then make your prayer time a time to pray for your pastor and the other staff don't exclude just that don't exclude everybody else and only pray for your senior pastor probably make it a point to pray for all of the staff because all of those staff especially the pastoral staff they are supporting the pastor and they're supporting that vision so if you're not able to really get behind the whole pastoral staff in prayer then that will hinder what you're able to do and then quickly what are you supposed to do before you meet with your pastor pray again get permission for whatever you're going to do we like to take things and run with it stop and get permission because you will realize that that will save you lots of pulling back just make sure you have permission to go before you move on ahead and then be prepared we like to talk for 30 minutes about the beauty of the pink and the green and the black and the brown and whatever the colors are they don't need to hear on that what is the bottom line what do you need to know and nine times out of 10 it's gonna be about money how much is this going to cost when you meet with your pastor make sure that you understand their values and their beliefs their vision but come prepared to have the conversation and to say from A to Z what needs to be said as quickly as possible so I'm gonna pause there so we have a chance for some Q&A and then we'll pick back up there with the rest of the goodies stuff so get into the practical information okay I think I'm seeing questions here how should we deal with women who are continuously rebelliously serving in leadership okay so that could mean a couple of things actually the women who are rebellious and the one who are rebellious and they continue to serve in leadership well I think it depends on where the woman is serving first of all I think if she's with in the women's ministry and you are asking this question as someone that is in authority of her in women's ministry I'm a big proponent of the church as the church but God is a God of excellence and I think that a lot of times we dilly-dally with things way too long because it's the church I believe that things should work pretty much the same way they work in a corporate environment where you communicate you say what the problem is you give them an opportunity to fix that maybe you communicate again you give them an opportunity to fix that you pray about it you discuss it give them examples two or three or gathered you need to have the witnesses where other people come in maybe at that point but after about the third time I mean you know four is pushing it I would say that person just does not need to be in that position now if it's not your decision to move that person from that position or maybe not pull them completely out maybe the spot that they're in is just not the right spot for them maybe they need a shift if they're not if that's not your role in your responsibility then I would say that then you bring in if that person has appeared for example but then you bring in the pastor that's an authority of you whether that's a senior pastor or another pastor on staff but either way I think the goal is to clearly state what the issue is to give examples when you said this like that that was inappropriate we need you to make sure that when you're speaking to the pastors that are in authority that you are doing so in a respectful way I mean you know whatever that rebellious this is now if it's decision making where it's like they told me to go right and I went left if it's blatant disrespect I think one time is enough I think one time is enough but I think really you have to pray about that because the severity of that situation that and and who all it affects and how many people it affects really determines how long you can suffer with that the issue here is not only wanting to disciple and grow and develop the person who's in ministry it is also to protect the flock that they are ministering to and so where you want to be as long-suffering and you can as in as developmental in terms of chatting with that person as you can if they if the cost of dealing with that person is greater if it's infecting a group of people then you really want to cut that out where you can and again it doesn't mean excommunicate the person it just means that spot for that person is not the right place another question do you think it is important to break up the groups according to age I really believe that you need to look at your church and figure out what your church needs I'm not a proponent of all by age groups you know the 20's together the thirty two sit together the forty together or forcing mixed groups because I think you have people who want both you have women who just want to be with moms their own age or single women who just want to be with ladies who can hang out on Friday nights or you have women who who want to quilt and their 60 and they're making quilts for the grandkids and they want to do that on a Wednesday when everybody else that works I mean I think you have to look at those pockets and say what are the needs of my women but you've got so many women and please hear me when I say there's so many women who are in dire need are begging for mentors they are begging for women who will take the time to sit with them to study the word and to say show them how do you how do you do this and that will happen in the context of small groups that are multi-age the key for me and whatever you do whether it's structuring your women's ministry or it's developing your small groups as look at what you have so if you have a woman who is willing and has a heart for a multi age group let her have the multi age group if you have a woman who's twenty-five and would love to have a group she's excited about having a group of moms with kids her own age let her have a group of moms of tots look at who wants to lead where is the cream of the crop rising or where do you see people that may not be excited about taking the helm but you see they are completely capable of taking the helm and say hey why don't you start a group or I see that you have a group of three or four friends why don't y'all become a small group maybe a couple of other people can join you so again I think you look at who you have and then decide both in your church and what the needs of your women are what the best kinds of groups are for you and your women will tell you if you ask them as a first as a new first lady how much is too much to divulge about yourself as you try to connect with the women of the church you know that question is really the only way to answer that is what the Lord leads you to share and then it you know obviously you want to be protective and honoring of your husband's position what he's comfortable with you sharing but I think the Holy Spirit will begin to prod and prick your heart when there is an area of your life that he wants you to share and it's not always with everybody sometimes it's with one person one-on-one in a counseling situation and they just need to know enough that you've been there there's a first lady that's a friend of mine and I remember calling her about some issue in my marriage and I just remember being so awestruck with how she handled it she told me just enough to let me know that she's been there without telling me too much to make me think less of her husband or to make me question their marriage she just told me just enough to say I've been there and I think only the Holy Spirit can give you guidance with that there are some things right now that in my own life I would love to share and I don't because my husband is uncomfortable with that so I think those two things were that you feel the Lord pricking your heart when you sense a need from somebody and the Holy Spirit convicting you in that direction and then what would be a blessing to your husband or your children there's a lot of us talk about our children like dogs and we don't realize that those people then have a picture of your children by what you say they don't know them at home they just know that you're having a bad day with them and the only thing they will remember is what you said about them on that day so we want to cover our family members and our friends we don't want to hang anybody out to dry but we do want to follow the Holy Spirit's leading and really that has to be a matter of prayer question how do you handle women who love and support the pastor who loves and supports the pastor the pastor's wife I'm assuming that means they love and support the pastor but they don't love and support the pastor's wife you know I I have seen this happen and I've seen not just pastors wives but wives of men and ministry where they are dry and bitter and could care less about the church because of how they've been treated and if you know if there are any pastors or men and ministry that are watching this cover your wives cover your wives because if you don't encourage and set the standard for the people in your church for how they should treat your wife how they should address her how they should accommodate her in meetings that if they don't understand how valuable her opinion in her word is to you then you were setting her up for that disaster you were setting her up for her to be looked down upon because as a pastor or somebody on staff you're the decision-maker you're God's chosen one you're the person who is who God has placed here and your wife if you don't treat her as anything more than just the person who helps me get dressed on Sundays or the person who's with my kids that's exactly how people in the church will see her so it really is up to a husband to make it his business to raise the bar of respect for his wife now that said if she's not being treated well she's not being treated fairly I've seen a lot of women be very very successful at letting people know in a very kind of gentle way how they should treat her and unfortunately it's not that you want to treat other people like children but I'm gonna use this as an example if you have a child come up to you whether you're their mom or not and they are talking to you a little bit crazy you can correct them and you can correct them in a very loving way sometimes people just need you to look your head to the side just a little bit and say excuse me for them to realize that how they said it was just a little bit out of line and if you remember when you were in school you'd have a teacher like that that just would kind of let you know by the crook of her head and by the tone of her voice that you stepped over the line and we can do that in a very loving way I think that when you say to people by what you participate in how you respond you dress how how you decide what you show up for and what you don't buy you can teach people how to treat you you really can and although we want to love everybody and although we want people to feel that we love them that does not mean that we have to be Ahmet and there's a difference between understanding our value and who God has created us to be and what he is asking us to do and letting everybody else define that and we just have to show up at whatever they ask us to do or to be at and do whatever they ask us to do so I would say you have to know your value and hopefully your husband will treat you with the value that you inherently know that you have both from the Lord and then the value that he's giving to you if you're married but ultimately you have to know what God is asking you to do and you have to know when to tell people to stop it's completely okay if you have to pull someone to the side and tell them that I just want you to understand I appreciate you I don't know if you understand what you did or how you said this but it was very disrespectful and I'm here to support my husband I'm here in this role at the church and it would it would really bless me if you would keep that in mind when you're talking to me or when you're talking about me to other people it's okay to school people a little bit just make sure that you do it in love okay I think we're wrapping up that portion of Q&A and we're gonna continue awesome awesome awesome awesome so let's jump back into where we left off we were talking about your relationship with the church we were talking about being prepared when you talk to your pastor and I want to give you some specific examples of that right now we're in preparation for next year for a few things with our women's ministry and I've learned what's important to pastor Evans to my dad now it took me a minute to learn that it took me a minute to learn it and there was a lot of go fetch you know well what's the answer to this question I don't know I'm gonna go fetch it what's the answer this question I have no idea I'll go fetch it keep notes of what you're doing keep notes of what you're doing because next year it will happen again it will happen again the questions that your pastor or your that the staff that's in authority of you that they're asking and you always want to know how much money you're spending keep track of how much money you're spending you always want to know what your plans are for the year who's in leadership you want to have a pulse on who you're working with and what you're expecting them to do and again understand the mission statement the values and the goals of your organization your ministry of your church do your homework if your numbers are not increasing and your pastor is asking you why aren't they do your homework because he probably cannot handle your touchy-feely answer of well we don't know it's just that so many women just seem to be wanting those video Bible studies or so many women just want us to have you know potlucks and that no no no why and how do you know why and quantitatively specific information you ask you ask there is a lot of investigative work that goes into understanding the people that are involved in your ministry what they need what they desire what they need in order to be fed how much it's costing the church where you need to be where you need to be situated ask a lot of times we get busy figuring out things in our own heads and we don't stop to ask one of the most powerful things that you can do either on an annual basis or on a semi-annual basis twice a year maybe at the end of one season in the big in the end of another at the end of the fall semester in the end of the spring is to give your women an evaluation paper if you have paper and pen kind of people or SurveyMonkey if you have women who are digitally astute but either way ask them and the kinds of questions that you develop will you you figure them out the first time around on your own but then from the questions that you're getting from your pastor or other staff you can make up those questions as you go along and the survey will get better and better every year know how to speak man be conscious of his time I talked a little bit about that address his concerns money money money money be a leader and be the change you want to see I've seen it I've been guilty of many times coming into a meeting with all the things that I'm asking for but basing that on a place of complaining this isn't working or we didn't have enough money last year or if y'all would only do this if we could only get this support you have to ask for what you need for but at the same time the place of where you're coming from should be a place of gratefulness it should be a place of thank you for what you've done to support the women in our church thus far even if there isn't a women's ministry thank you for how you've ministered effectively to us as women about what biblical womanhood looks like and because we want to continue that because we want to be an extension of that based on Titus 2:5 we want to have these things that work on our women's ministry and on paper it's great to come talking but if you can put those things down on paper where he can look at that later where it can be emailed and a soft copy to anybody else that needs to understand what you're doing that is so important for you to have that stuff in black and white and lined up resist the urge to criticize what has happened before or even what is happening now if someone was in leadership before you and they completely did a botch job or the things shrunk from 500 women to 30 women make no mention of that you're here right now you're here excited right now you're called by God right now and just walk in the door with a detailed explanation of what you'd like to do right now there's no need to mention how things have been wrong in the past and run other people down we are all here because we believe that there is a need to do this thing and do it right so let's jump into some more than nuts and bolts of this the networking within the church in our church we don't have we have certain things that live under women's ministry and certain things that live in other places be a student of your church and understand whatever could relate to women's ministry wherever it lives meaning it doesn't have to be your sole responsibility in order for there to be a strong connected line to that ministry if you've got let's just say you've got a Christian education ministry and they hold parenting classes and let's say that that's not officially in your women's ministry but when women come to your church they don't understand the back office of how your church works necessarily they just know I'm a woman and what is of concern to me so in order for you to effectively be in women's ministry and come to your pastor to say this is what I want to do you need to already know what things are in effect in your church that might be of benefit to women so you want to network within your church whether it's women's ministry or childcare media worship Christian education or hospitality what is your church already doing because there's no point in you reinventing the wheel so ask yourself this question who will you need to visit with at your church in order for you to discuss not just the women's ministry that you're responsible for but the women's ministry that the women who come to your church will see because sometimes those are two different things and that's okay different churches are structured different ways but it's your job to understand what is happening already at my church for women and to look at ways that you could build on what is already happening and where money has already been put because when your pastor is talking to you he's thinking about staff that he already has money that he's already spent facilities that have already in progress or at work and he wants to know how can you best utilize those resources both people finances and facilities to affect the change that you're wanting to affect so ask yourself those questions before you even make that visit all right now the relationship with the women this is a good part you need to be a person who cares for women now I'm a very task-oriented person and I do care for women I do but I know that one of my weaknesses is really doing a great job of that so I know that I have to have people around me that don't get distracted by the next thing and I have to work on that but there's a difference between you having a heart for women and it being your gift to pray and sit there and spend 30 minutes with the same woman every Sunday that has the same issue so you have to know what your gift is for leading your women's ministry and we all have gifts because the woman who can pray with that the woman in your ministry who can pray with that woman in your church who has the same issue every Sunday and needs a 30-minute prayer may not be the woman who can manage a meeting she may not be the woman who can organize a spreadsheet or who can set up a task list and that's okay you need to understand what the women are in your ministry what their gifts are but even if your gift is not so much a super people person you have to have a heart for the women of your church you have to believe that God has called you not just to run a program but to develop and disciple that goes back to what we originally said to develop and disciple the women and to teach them how to be women after God's own heart so be a student of the women that you were serving to be an intercessor for the women that you served what are you supposed to do who are you ministering with pray for a team of women to come alongside and assist you pray for a team of women that are relationally already connected to you but pray that God would bring women who you never would have picked them out of a crowd to be a friend but they are so needed in this team of women to serve the women in your church and God will do that he will bring the most likely the most unlikely woman from the most unlikely pew in the back of the church to be an integral part of your ministry if you are open to that and a lot of times women's ministry could turn into a huge click because we only want to work with our friends and what you're missing out is what God did what he said I've got my twelve disciples and I've got the people I'm working with but as he developed those disciples he didn't just start with all the same people in all the same place he started with some people that were over here and this see he went over here and found this person that was you know a tax collector he went around and he said I'm looking for you and so your heart for women needs to be that I'm gonna establish a team I'm gonna pray about my team and I'm gonna ask God though and I'm gonna be open when he brings women that would not normally be in my line of sight but they're in his line of sight so be open to God's direction in that area pray for discernment because there are things you may not see correctly there are women that God can just and I've had it happen where God just tells me not her not now and it's not until a year later I don't have a reason it's not until a year later where I can see the mess that she's caused somewhere else and go oh okay Lord I completely understand what you were saying take the time to pray over your womens team and everybody that says I I is not she okay but we have to be careful about not allowing women in who say aye aye because we don't know her because we're not comfortable we really have to make that a matter of Prayer and let God tell us who is the right person for the right position a symbol of women's leadership team look for who is already leading there are people who are leading now they may not be leading the ministry they may not be leading a small group then it may not be you know leading in the usher team or the Hospitality Group but they are leading because they're always ahead of the pack so the first one to respond when someone has a need that the first one to show up all the time that the first one to offer their help and serving to set up or break down look for those people who are already putting their best step forward to serve because nine times out of 10 if they're doing it when they don't have a title and they don't have a position they'll keep doing it when they do have a title and when they do have a position and a lot of times those women who are serving faithfully will never come to you and say I I but if you see what they're doing and you tap them on the shoulder and you see their gifting you can say to them hey I see what you've been doing you've been so faithful it would be such a blessing to me or a blessing to our ministry or our blessing to the church for you to do that in that capacity look for who's already leading figure out what are your strengths and weaknesses and ask God to show you those women who can fill in the blank your women should represent a peer group if your women are all of one age group at your church is of all of these age groups you really need to be purposeful about intermingling the ages now I went to one Church in Houston and I thought it was the greatest thing ever they had a women's I don't know what they call there was a women's board or women's committee but everybody on their rotated out and the woman who was the director of that ministry was on there for four years she committed for four years or whatever the timeframe was it maybe was three or four but the other women were on there and they were staggered for two years so every year there was somebody rotating off and every year it was the job of that person rotating off to find someone else to disciple for her position now I'm not saying that every church needs to have that structure but I'm saying they had the idea right that we don't get stuck we don't get stuck with the same people doing the same things and whether you officially disciple people and have them replaced ladies that are in positions or whether you inadvertently or unofficially disciple women so that they could come alongside there should always be this idea that we want to have fresh blood you want to have fresh ideas you want to have people that aren't tired because the very people that come in and sometimes with the biggest ideas I'm guilty of this I'm a big idea person and I always have a an idea something we can do differently or we can do it better but you will you will quench the energy and excitement that many women can bring to your church if they don't have a place to work those ideas out and it's hard to work in new ideas I've accepted before it's easier just to let things be done the same way they have always been done but you will bring new life and new blood and new energy by including new women or new ideas so be faithful to do that and we'll skip ahead a little bit just I make sure you have enough time to get deal with the nuts and bolts of this stuff we talked about diversity being faithful the size of your team there should be personal accountable the last point here financial accountability and the opportunity to establish and fine-tune your purposes and plans part of your group part of your leadership team it's not just so that they can come in and do whatever you need them to do it really is a small group and if you have a small group that's great but if you're leading this group of women it is your responsibility to pray for them to call them to talk with them to understand what's happening in their life and it's their responsibility to do that for one another if you're not pouring in to the people who are pouring out then they won't have anything to pour out to everybody else so when you are managing your team and working with your team keep that in mind because there's that responsibility for you to transfer the vision now that you understand your vision the vision of your church the mission of your church make sure you are actively transferring that vision to the ladies at the table they're not just there to just to discuss the plans for the next event they're there to understand how they fit into the overall scheme and then lead Jesus style skipping down to that last point Jesus was a servant leader and he showed he told but he also did a lot of showing and so you have to understand what your gifts and talents and abilities are and your time restraints and all that but they will learn best by watching you do it the most infectious women ministries the most infectious churches are the churches and ministries where they are a direct reflection of the person who's an authority there and they are a direct reflection of the pastor and the women on the men women's ministry team are the direct reflection of the women's ministry leader whatever you want to see happening in your women's ministry if it's women loving on one another it's if it's women showing it with a meal if it's women that are constantly encouraging each other with their words or if it's women that have a high standard for how they how they dress and present themselves you be those things and what will happen is your team will follow suit and they will infect the people that are in their situation as well in that ministry as well so let's consider your team structure generally speaking this is a great one I got this from designing a women's ministry by gar pody you want to have the women's ministry director she's gonna have overall responsibility and then be accountable to eat a decent senior pastor or whatever pastor and on the staff that she's accountable to but she is the hub of information and sometimes that women's ministry director a lot of times she will have an assistant so I didn't put that on but she would kind of be stuck out to the side and then underneath her she would have team leads or you know whatever you want to call them but they would be responsible for that specific area of women's ministry so maybe that is the Tuesday morning Bible study or maybe that is the retreat or maybe that is the conference but they would be under her and then you have a bunch of volunteers I would make sure that you're meeting regularly with those team one team two team three ladies ladies and then meeting occasionally as these events are ramping up with the rest of those volunteers because they do need to see you they need to do need to continually hear the vision cast it because people will forget we will forget and we will get wrapped into whatever we're doing and our goodie bags and all that kind of fun stuff and we'll forget what the goal of the pastor is at our church outreach is a big deal and so at everything that we do we are always reaching out to have some part of our Bible study doing outreach our ladies Bible study that meets on Tuesday morning we will support a missions event of the church once each semester so they tell us what they need what they need to take to Haiti what they need to take to Africa or Kenya or wherever they're going Nigeria and we bring a bunch of stuff and and they love that they love that they can always count on us for that we also have a relationship with one of the homeless shelters in town and when we have our one of our quarterly events and I'll get into that just a little bit we are all down here having a good time we have the homeless shelter bust those ladies down here and we have a whole separate breakfast for them make them feel special we take care of their kids for the day because that's a relationship that our church remember we talk about what our church and in the larger sense is doing that's what our church is doing in a larger sense so we just take our women's ministry and we say how can we plug in well the ladies need to serve and the ladies do want to be involved they do want to give but we don't want to have these offshoots of all these random things that we're doing we want to plug into what is our church doing and that's how we that's how we do that so you want to continue to be involved in it let me looked if you turn the page if you have this worksheet you have this wheel this is another way to look at it and this church has a whole lot of stuff going on so depending on the amount of things that your church going has going on will determine your structure but you have in the middle circle you see the administrator you have the treasurer you have special activities at special events and spiritual growth and then if you look at special events that's kind of to the top right-hand corner of this wheel you've got they've got a spring tee they've got a Christmas brunch and they've got a leadership leaders appreciation event I mean this thing can go as deep as you want it to go depending on the size of your church and the leadership that you had but let me encourage you don't do more than you have the volunteer support for if the women have loved the tea every year for the last 20 years but the lady who's done it for the last 20 years has resigned and nobody's taking her place let it go because you will stress yourself out and you will stress everybody else out trying to do what there is not a person that God has gifted and called to carry on that ministry and you'd be surprised when you let something go even if it's just for a small season that will cause somebody else to realize I miss it and it will create in them a need a conviction to fill in the spot but they will never fill it in is if you if you figure out how to keep it going at all cost necessary so do what works for your church do what you can't afford and do what you have the people to support so there are lots of questions here that you can ask yourself in terms of the things that we've just discussed but I would specifically like you to look at two the first one write down the names of two to three women that you can invite to pray with you to pray with you because prayer if it is not covering everything from your activities to your team you will be out there on your own and that's not what you want these two is removing having women who are on your women's ministry team or not you know prayer doesn't mean that they have to officially be part of the team they just need to be praying for what God is doing in you I would ask you to identify them and if you have not specifically as of today identify those ladies and ask them to pray for you and with you let that be the first thing that you do the second thing that I'd like you to make sure that you do is to think about your strengths and your weaknesses what are your strengths this leadership what do people already tell you that you do well and it's great if you don't do everything well because that means there's plenty of room for other people to come in and do what they do well what do you do well and then what are your weaknesses what do you need a little bit of support with if you are a social butterfly and everybody knows that you care about them and you're gonna hug them and you're gonna know the names of every single one of your children but you can't keep up with what happened in the meeting to save your life you needed minister and that's okay so part of building your core team is figuring out what you can do and what other people can do that's the that's the crux tip where we want to start what am I supposed to do and who am i ministering to okay keep it simple understand the woman you are serving but keep it simple don't do more than what you can handle don't do more than what you have the volunteers to support but ask your women what they need and then once they tell you do what you can do do surveys do focus groups where you just kind of at random touch women on the shoulder and say hey I'd love to have you up for coffee or have you know brunch with you after church or invite you over for dinner because I just love to talk to you and do that two or three times with different groups of people you'd be surprised of what people will tell you with one-on-one that they will never put down on a survey or that they will tell you when they're reminded of something because they're in a group with three to five women and one woman says something and then the other woman goes oh yeah I kind of forgot about that and you will be surprised when you bring women together in a focus group what relationships gets developed by you just having them over to your home for coffee in one day so I encourage focus groups talk to women as much as you can look at the church demographics understand the age of the women in your church and what they need you have all kinds of women in church today with all kinds of needs you've got married women single women young moms working moms single moms divorced women widows they're in grief recovery they've got chronic illness they've got financial stresses and in the women's ministry again you don't have to do it all look for what else is being done in your church we have free at last' support groups at our church and they deal with things like chemical dependency or women or men - who need to lose weight or people who are dealing with folks that are in prison now those things are not specific to women guess what and that means we don't have to reinvent the wheel when we have a woman that comes to us that it needs a divorce care we don't need to have a separate group for divorced care if our church already has a group designated for that so understand what you have understand the women who are at your church and then figure out what are the things you need to provide for your women okay so let's talk about some ministry options that I want to before we close tell you a little bit about what we do you can have Bible studies many churches do that once a week on us morning or once a week on an evening or some larger churches have them multiple times a week but just because the women's Bible study is the thing to do know what works for your church if your church is a church or small groups and people are already in small groups and you're stretched you don't have to do the women's Bible study be free if your church does not have small groups and your women are dying to get together then create that for them either in the morning or the evening mentoring is another idea having women one-on-one and a lot of times you've got women who are mature who would love to mentor but they're not going to do it on their own they'll give you their name and then younger women will give you their name and then your job is to match them up but don't say Oh mentoring is not happening in my church because the older women won't mentor the younger women sometimes they just need a place of connection and at our church we've got a few things happening we've got Bible study happening on Tuesday mornings we've got our Women's Conference that happens every July churchwide and we invite the community we've got small groups happening we have those free at last groups happening we've also got this thing called gathering of the girls that happens two or three times a year and it's designed to be for our church and for mentoring to have it in a very unofficial way meaning we'll have a large group we have a speaker it's a real fun we sing songs we do all that and then we break up and because I happen to have been at this church for so long I kind of know people so I'll say sister and I know that this is your second marriage and I know that you have a blended family would you mind talking about your blended family experience and they'll take one of these rooms up here she doesn't have to be a speaker and she doesn't have to have notes and she doesn't have to have a PowerPoint she just gets to tell her story and then she gets to have women who go I need that story say can you tell me how you dealt with this how did you deal with that the woman who's had breast cancer or the woman who's who's a nurse who has experience with that do you mind having a room where you can just talk about your experience and how you made it and then women are like oh my gosh there's somebody in this huge church who gets me or I have small children and I don't know what to do with them all day and we have an older woman who says let me tell you what I did with my kids all day and they would never make that connection in church on a Sunday morning but they can make that connection and then we don't do anything with that after that we say if it blesses you to continue this after that continue take each other's phone numbers and do that so we have this kind of loosey-goosey way of mentoring but it's been working really well well people we tell them if you've had a good time today you don't have to stay all day like if y'all are having a really good conversation and you want to take this to Panera Bread down the street bye have a good time because the goal is not for us to have a program the goal is for us to have a relationship and so I want you to think about all of that as you're doing this the goal is to have a relationship I want to talk 60-seconds about communicating and then we'll wrap this up with whatever you have at your church and I've listed plenty of ideas women have to know about it and women have to know about it in a way that makes sense for them to know so if you have a congregation that's not digital at all it needs to be in the bulletin pasted on the bathroom mirror when they close the bathroom stall have one of those little plastic holder things and whatever is coming up put it there make announcements and all of that if you've got a digital generation you know they're gonna take that bulletin on a Sunday morning and it's gonna be there when they get up because they're not gonna take it home they're not gonna look at it again when they want the information is going to be when they're sitting at their computer at work and they're gonna type it up and it needs to be on the website we've started doing a couple of things where we are texting people and we are doing voice voice calls so we just leave one message and it blast it out to everybody we get more response from that because people are not even reading their email anymore they get too many emails so what works for your for your church do you need a Twitter for your women do you need a Facebook for your women do you need your own blog whatever works but make sure that they understand that you love them that you want to provide them with ministry opportunities you want to serve them and you want them to understand what's going on and the broader scope of your church so with that let me just encourage you you know there's so many women in here with different Church backgrounds and in different situations and there's so many different ways that we could discuss this stuff and we've provided some organizational charts for you to see how we're doing it here but don't be afraid don't be afraid to do what God has asked you to do don't be afraid to take the initiative don't be afraid to do what has not been done at your church before don't be afraid to bring in new women to do new things and to do it in new way and don't get afraid when you get discouraged because you will get discouraged and somebody won't like the way you do it or the way that you ran that program you have to know what God has called you to do and to be reminded of that when the road gets rough because when you're dealing with God's people it will get rough don't get discouraged and then resist perfectionism there is no perfect and right way to do this thing there is only God's way and he will reveal that to you little by little as you do what little he has shown you with the light that he's giving you so let me pray for you real quick and just encourage you in the Lord Lord Jesus every woman that's in this room there's just so much that we could discuss and talk about and relate in terms of the way we do it in our church and the unique things that people do with their other church but the bottom line is we want to serve your women we want to meet them where we are we want to do what you said do in the word which is to mentor the women and to have you know older women teaching younger women whether whether they're literally older or further along in the faith and we want to have the systems in place to do that well we want to serve our pastors that are in authority over us and we want to serve you so lord god I just pray right now that for every woman in this room that you would cause her to know one specific thing that she can take from this session to do practically to believe in what you called her to do and then to do it with confidence and Jesus name we pray amen amen give crystal hand formulas is wonderful oh my goodness I'm so proud of you Wow oh we still have time for some more questions crystal yes on your iPad alright and maybe there's a question in the audience any questions in the audience yes would you go to the mic right behind you good morning thanks for having me what would you say is the best way to guide women to their seasons and help them understand the actual season they're in for their life meaning that women don't know when they're supposed to go to the next season or they don't they're not sure what season they're in okay what season on my in and how do I know when I'm supposed to go to the next season well then what is that season well you know there's so many different labels so we get caught up in labels to me there is there only two there's only two you and we can describe in a lot of different ways you are either in a season where you are receiving or you're in a season where you're pouring out or you're in both at the same time now what that means is it could be me as a 30 year old who has a couple of small children but I'm a little bit ahead of the girl who has the newborn so I'm in the season of ministering to her but I'm also in the season of needing ministry from a woman who's further ahead of me on the road now that season can be that I'm a young mom well the same season is true of the woman who's 70 years old hood who's a widow she's a widow that's the label but she's in a season where she can pour out to other women who are behind her on the journey spiritually or physically or practically but she's also in a season where she needs to receive because she needs companionship and she needs friendship and she needs people to stop by and and to pour into her life in that season where there's a gap where there's something missing so we can call different labels we can have widows and we can have mothers and we can have you know seasons of ministry and all these different things but I think people need to constantly be asking themselves those two questions and you can answer those questions based on the experiences that God either has given you or the experiences that he is giving you right now that you need help with does that help at all oh that's good yeah look it says something else if you don't mind Cristal pastor Paul Shepherd tweeted one time that an old preacher once said if God hasn't given you any new directions then he probably wants you to work in the direction she gave you the last time so just stay in that season until God kind of pushes you forces you into a new season and gives you a new passion yeah I mean we like moving to the next season don't we this is my season as if the season that we're in is there's something wrong with it but there's something about that with Christianity in general we always want to move to the next to the next thing another question that we had was what should I do when someone as the pastor's wife how should I respond when I hear someone speak against my husband or you know my husband pastor I think like you said earlier you know you have to pray about it ask the Lord to help but feel free to actually speak with this person it's like I think you said that we are constantly teaching mold people don't know that person probably really thought she meant since that she was helping the pastor but for you it was offensive and quite frankly I've done that many times I just pulled a sister side hold her hands calming myself down in the meantime so I can give her a word that the God has given me to teach her to let her know we're real people and what you've said you meant it what you meant well I know you did mean well but it didn't come across well and it was very disrespectful and so I used it I call it my teaching ministry so you Kate the congregation as to how to treat you and respect you and even with the children you know and I know that was not the question but I got involved in children's ministry because my kids were in children's ministry and I wanted people to remind people that might children some of them weren't saved yeah and I was still working with them at home and so what I did instead of rebuking the teachers and disrespecting them I just joined them in the children's program and I was there to assist them with really just my child and that goes to that point of Jesus being a servant leader he said I'm gonna show you how to do this I could tell you but some people really just need for you to get in the trenches with them and show them this is this is how it how it happens another question that we had were was a request for more resources we can probably maybe put this on the website after today but I will go ahead and read some that I have referenced one is by Linda les new Sookie it's called connecting women so we'll put that on there so you can get this specific spelling of her name but it's called connecting women Vicki craft who's in the Dallas Fort Worth area who's been faithfully mentoring women she's been the women's leader at a church in our area but she's also faithfully mentored many women personally that I know and she says to them one year if you can't commit for one year and this is how many times you can miss because I'm serious and if you're serious that this is not the group for you and she's been doing this for 40 years every year she gets a new group of women her book is called the influential woman and again her name is Vicki craft building an effective women's ministry by Sharon James and designing an effective women's ministry by Jill Brisco so those would be some book resources and there's a full of other online resources but we'll put those up on the website so that you can access them after today's today's call for today's webcast webcast yeah anybody in the audience another question yes please go to the mic please um in in building my women's ministry how do you deal with that one woman that sort of against everything that you do and sort of the naysayer kind of speaking negatively about the events that you put together should I address that or should I have the pastor address that well I would say since it's within the women's ministry I would say the first thing for you to do since its interaction that you're having would be for you to go to her and I would definitely you know escalate to the pastor if that doesn't do it you know the Bible talks about that you know you you you go to that person directly if that doesn't work then you take a couple of people with you that doesn't work then you bring in the big dogs but I just think in general a lot of people don't know and sometimes even when they do know and we tell them they need to be reminded you know because it's their habit they've been practicing being Negative Nancy for all their life and so they just need to be reminded and a lot of times they just need to be shown so sometimes in my experience when someone's being negative they'll make a negative statement and I'll counteract it with a positive statement so they'll say oh we don't even know if anybody's gonna show up well you know what I believe that plenty of women are going to show up and everybody who needs what we're doing today will be here because a lot of times they just need to see what it's like to have a positive response so I would encourage you to be the example but yes talk to her be very direct loving and then if that doesn't work and you know sometimes when you're not feeling loved just as a practical thing smiling makes it feel like love you know you're looking at it and you're just smiling and in your heart is all upside down and all turned around but the smile makes it come across like you know that's how you mean it so yeah definitely you know if you might want to take someone with you if you're the first meeting you know if you're just uncomfortable because of course is so negative all the time you might just take someone with you another sister in the church or somebody you're comfortable with so you both talked to her for the first time but Matthew 18 gives you those types of instructions this says how will show the pastor's wife be the overall director or adviser of the women's ministry I think that that's a question for the pastor's wife because I really believe just as we were talking about each of us being in our own giftedness the same is true for the pastor's wife and she may have she may want to lead the women's ministry like full effect and like hold all the meetings and send all the emails and all that but a lot of times there are so many other things that that she's involved in maybe it's her family or maybe it's things that her husband is asking her to do and she really needs to be more in a in an advisory capacity because she's got the heart of the pastor and she understands what he's trying to do and wants to make sure that that's infiltrated as the women's ministry is doing different things it's really up to her her availability and what she wants to do I mean in our situation would you say that you're in an advisory capacity and I love it because I think the scripture again is people's different giftedness and so you can do it the way you'd like but we need to remember that the scripture says we're about equipping the Saints to do the work of the ministry and sometimes it's pastors wives a women in ministry we get so absorbed with it that we own it and we miss the fact that ownership means you need to learn to delegate amen okay so the next question we have is how do I recruit volunteers I can use help but no matter what I try the women won't come forward you know we ask a lot and I know that we ask and we want women to respond and come forward because we ask but the reality is is that sometimes they don't come forward until you ask them 10 million times so the first thing I want to say is just to encourage you to keep asking it makes me think about Peter you know I took Peter a few times to get it right you know what I mean he God kept giving him the same message over and over again and it took him a minute for it to register oh this is what I'm supposed to do I'm supposed to rise to the the calling that God has given me and sometimes that's the same way with women you have to tell them ask for their help continually ask for their help but also as you specifically see women who have certain I would encourage them in that you know you are so good at this have you ever thought about helping so you cast these general nets like God did with the 5000 Jesus did with the 5000 you cast specific nets that you do with the 12 because you see certain things in them and you want to call them out on those things and most people unless they're just you know being ornery if you're telling them that there's something that they do well and that you need them and they have the capability of helping they will help sometimes people are intimidated because you're asking for help but they don't really know what to do and so as you get to know specific women and specifically say hey you're really good at caring for people have you ever thought about writing cards or making calls or whatever you know that's something specific yeah and also I think the women that you're working with you can ask them to look within their circles for people that could be volunteers right yeah so you mentoring them you could also ask them to be mentoring people that can become volunteers I know that they one of the events that we do they're the midsize group event that we do two or three times a year every time we ask the ladies to fill out an evaluation and on every evaluation at the bottom it says would you like to help in the future yeah and they'd have to say yes or no and once they say yes they're not committing to anything specific we just then have their email and then we email them and say here's where we need help would you like to help with these areas and 20% of them will respond with yes eighty percent say no but because we keep doing that every time we've developed a huge list of women who are willing to at least get the email that they're that you know to see if we need help or not and then what do we do after you know when we get an abundance of volunteers are we ready for them and how should we be ready for them well when we send out that email we also send it out with the specific slots that are available and we know which slots are available for anybody and then there are certain ones that are only available for they have to be tapped on the shoulder they have to be requested and we make that clear so when they sign up they're looking at that list and they're saying I'm signing up for this because this is what I'm available and this is what I don't mind doing so I think asking that specific question is helpful as well right yeah okay so the next question is how do you balance the age gap sometimes I hear that the young people have kicked the old people out how do you integrate the young and the old um I just think that goes back to what I've said over and over again is you really want to know your women at your church and know what they enjoy doing so we were very strategic about picking some activities that anybody could do so one of them was Zumba we had Zumba we would do that we've done that at of different events because anybody can do that and any everybody likes good music and you'd be surprised even some of the women who didn't want to actually do the Zumba they wanted to sit at the tables in the back and watch and where you have food they had a lot of times they will come and sit so so you don't want to be strategic but I think it's okay to have some things that are for younger people and some things that are for folks that have a little bit of years on them but you want to be strategic about what will work for both when we did a getaway last fall we did a getaway where we had two things planned a meeting in the morning on a Friday and a meeting in the evening on a Friday and the rest of the weekend was do what you want to do and so we had two big things where all ages could come together but we left people plenty of time to get together with you know their people and to do their thing and some women wanted to shop and some woman wanted to go to the spa but they got a chance to do what works for them well I like what you do with gathering or the girls crystal does a great job but organizing gathering of the girls and I like what you're doing that you integrate the matured women with the younger women and that you have them teach or share or mentor sort of the praying table something so the younger women are able to meet them so and they feel valuable to the church because they're able to share their expertise and their maturity with the younger crowd so you integrate them really well and in an unassuming way but they feel really charged up that you still need them yeah I love that absolutely absolutely because by by by recognizing where people either have been where they've lived their experiences or what they're good at you give people a chance to serve in an area where they're comfortable and that area doesn't have to be age specific but it lets people of different ages do what works for them so the women who want to teach quilting they teach quilting and they do the sewing and there are some younger women who show it for that and the younger women who want to talk about you know I'm trying to get my resume together we have something for that as well so I think as long as you're continuously surveying women and asking them what they need and what they want and then providing a way for them to exercise their gifts that's partially how you can close some of that yeah you know remember you are not the consumer the people in the church are the ones that you really want to minister to so you when you sit around a table like crystal just said you look at surveys and you look specifically at your congregation and that the demographics and all of that they're in the knees and that's the needs you look you work towards meeting yeah I mean one of the questions that we ask on that survey just to be real specific is what do you like to do for fun we're not asking them what do you want your women's ministry to do we're not asking them you know what kind of Bible study would you like to study you know we asked them that too but I want to know what do you like to do for fun I want to know when you're not at church what are you doing and then we try to craft experiences around just what people like doing and sometimes we shoot for what this age group likes and sometimes we shoot for what this age group likes and everybody seems to be happy yes they are any more questions you have one one more question specifically talking about how to get started because we have some women who are they're just trying to maybe their women's ministry is in shambles and they're trying to re start it or they don't really have one and where do I start three things the first thing is and I mentioned this before but keep it simple to start a women's ministry your women's ministry does not have to look like the church down the street or the church around a way it can look like what your church needs and what you can support so that may mean all you have as a Bible study or it may mean you don't start anything from scratch maybe you just let a mops group meet at your church or maybe you um we've seen actually some churches get together because neither one of them had the resources to pull off a whole weekly Bible study or a whole retreat retreat so two or three churches in an area got together pull their resources and made it happen because they all were in a five-mile radius do what you can do and start small you don't start having to do it all well all at the same time start with what you can do and then let God grow you as he provides resources and people and the second thing I would say about that is make sure that you are communicating clearly to the women what you're trying to do and don't feel like you have to start just because everybody else has something take your time and base your women's ministry on the feedback that you've taken the time to get from the women at your church right then you sent it though as you're taking your time and starting where you are keep looking for the woman that you could mentor that's right to assist you you're always looking for somebody you can mentor a disciple and grow into their potential again like I said earlier because your job is to equip the Saints to do the work of the ministry all right wrap it up thank you so much for joining us again applaud my daughter I'm so proud of her she did an excellent job today and this recording will be on our website and the notes will be up and all the references crystal mentioned are we're so glad you joined us it's Lois Evans org and we also have a Facebook network group and all of that is online so just go online again we're here to resource you to walk alongside you what God has called you to do in training and equipping you to love the ministry that God has called you to because Jeremiah 1:5 says before you were put in your mother's womb it might be a shock to you but exactly where you are today is exactly where God had predestined for your life so we just want to come alongside you and partner with you in ministry god bless you and thanks so much for joining us today [Music] [Applause] [Music] you [Music] you

Channel: Lois Evans - Pastors' Wives Ministry

Views: 96,342

Rating: 4.8817086 out of 5

Keywords: women's ministry, Chrystal Evans Hurst

Id: ca46cJgoB3I

Length: 79min 36sec (4776 seconds)

Published: Mon Feb 12 2018