Schlatt Ranks Your DISGUSTING Cooking

how's it going boys my name is schlatt and welcome back to the vods channel today i'm going to be watching some of your cooking that's right on the suburb j schlatt's admissions i asked you guys to send in a video of you cooking up your best meal and this is what happened so here's the vod hey everybody we're watching the cooking submissions now glad you can make it here we go all right this first one is a comic strip i'm not sure how a comic strip got into here how to make soup featuring schlett step one add broth me putting broth in step two add chicken uh step three stir really well and then apparently jambal pops out apparently jambo pops out that's apparently the recipe to make my cat you can't make my cat uh i'm sorry to say he is one of a kind you cannot just stew him up in a lab unfortunately for you probably and no he is not oh i get it soup i get it i get it because you call my cat soup next one christ almighty do we really have to do we really have to start with this you playing the kid [Music] hello [Music] oh my god it's an endless [ __ ] loop it's an endless loop of a man making a hot dog putting ketchup and mustard on it and then crushing it in a mortar and pestle and then using that to make a hot dog soon enough there will be just bread in there you'll be mostly bread [Music] it goes on for 10 minutes long [Music] is this one of those where you have to watch for like specific like subtle variations in the in the in the video or is it just the same thing looping over and over again [Music] i'm pretty sure it's the same one we'll be here for a bit we'll be here all night boys this is why we got the red this is why we're this is why we're all set up [Music] hey i hate the vod viewers yeah they suck don't they i am a culinary major so this will be painful also send me a rammy i want one please please please please feel free to buy a rammy plushie if you really want one thank you watch mojo we're gonna go we're gonna skip this one oh lord when we usually have soup hey schlott first time catching a stream so blowing all my money here thanks so much feel free to do it one more time when we usually have soup it's easy to exhaust us wait this is the very human guy so i invented this automatic soup this is a very human guy it is divided into two modes fast and slow this is the dude jesus christ very easy to you very human very human design there i would uh i would invest in that does this guy take paypal it's like a reverse bidet love to sit on top of that get a nice helping of broth what no i shouldn't have said that next one all right today we're going to be making a basic caramel sauce so first thing caramel sauce caramel i've got or this original caramel right here uh we're just gonna put that microwave for a sec a lot of people shouldn't be putting that in packaging in the microwave but i think it's okay yeah now that was about what i expected to happen damn nice good job cilantro lime rice and then the file name which you guys can't see is in parentheses help me they're everywhere medium-sized pot okay two cups of water all right all right turn on high wait for it to boil two cups of white rice in the measuring cup okay be sure to clean it always a good idea to clean up as you cook so there's no like annoying cleanup at the end pour rice once water slash butter is boiling okay bit of salon salat that's a [ __ ] is that a lot of cilantro it feels like a lot lime juice okay stir more salt um yeah [Music] so [Music] nice cool rice man you don't have to like have defeat in the in the video thanks for sending that one in though this dish is gonna suck [Laughter] this dish is gonna absolutely blow [ __ ] i i guarantee it today i'm gonna be cooking something i don't know what oh he doesn't know what he's gonna cook yet i'm gonna make something with this with the bread i've also got a plate cheese cheese cheese and cheese we got cheese turkey so these are my how much [ __ ] cheese do you need this is my assortment of ingredients of bread plate turkey cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese and cheese so start with the bread i don't know why they make these things so hard to open uh-huh it's just a little plastic tie on it i don't understand oh that's cute that's a good it's a good part of the video remove this we don't need you anymore all right now this do you ever regret your life choices yeah like watching this video maybe one slice of turkey two you're calling it a day oh thank god thank god he doubled it there's uh there's turkey right he he buys the pre-packaged turkey bro i get it i get it it's hard going to the supermarket and telling the guy behind the counter to cut you some fresh turkey but really it's really like the better decision he put two slices out of oh my god he's gonna pile on the cheese isn't it why would you throw it on the wall god sorry whoops sorry about that i dropped you there let's get back out to the kitchen okay so now we have can dogs even eat cheese this oh wait how could i forget one much better two now what's missing oh yeah nice ew you put a [ __ ] pile in the middle what [ __ ] what first of all mustard first of all oh mustard second of all one pile in the middle one pile of mustard brother you he didn't even spread it nice three now i know what you're probably asking how does this qualify as cooking well yes [Music] four five how many pets do you have does it taste gonna find out what do you want to say don't eye my sandwich do it it's not bad i'm uncomfortable and i'm going to the next video now yeah i'm going to we're going to the next piano oh great welcome to a very special episode of single dad's kitchen a hotel kitchenette that i live in indefinitely the goal of this program is to prove to my son that i'm a better man than his future stepdad terry bob terry we're on this impromptu vacation because my house is being fumigated we just ordered room service we're not getting another 39 grilled cheese sandwich did you know that ramen is actually japanese for a 38 cent packet of dried noodles when did the price go up price went up due to inflation thanks obama first step in making ramen no no housekeeping housekeeping so [ __ ] annoying are they recording a cooking video in a marriott hotel surprising the powers on in the hotel wow much as i wish my lawyer would do to my ex-wife it's time to turn up the heat holy 98 of your daily sodium after we open the package we dump in the ingredients dude make sure that you take out the flavor packet first hot flavor packs today we're going to supersize the two bags of rum one and a half bags of ramen god some tips on how to live a happy life um no what what is this what is this what's good slotty daddy's let's just see don't start the video calling me schlatty daddy i'm no one's father girl coming over and you want to impress her unfortunately you don't know how to cook luckily i've got the [ __ ] know-how and skill right here oh thank you let's get straight into it so what you want to do is go to your fridge all right now pop this bad boy open we're gonna what the [ __ ] so we're gonna grab you [ __ ] perfect all right let's get this oh my god this man is on hit oh my god this man is unhinged prepared here now a lot of people want to rush into cooking they want to get it done real quick so they can eat right away but that's wrong what you want to do is cook it nice and slow that way you can don't really bring up the flavors then you're not cooking it right a little bit all right i did a tick where i ate the chicken and i'm not gonna lie that and my stomach feels like [ __ ] i feel like i'm just gonna die oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] great [Music] no comment on that also just a side note dude if you're buying chicken that is breaded it's already cooked if there's breading on the chicken they already cooked the chicken you just have to heat it up right low cook that thing is good to eat you don't have to you don't have to hold the lighter on it maybe you just have a poor like gut microbiome you you understand like maybe you know anyways anyways i'm not going to comment on the gun in the fridge i think that's you have your own demons to work out good luck is it jambo hey jace little unguess today i'm here what i'm gonna i'm gonna go right past it not commenting not commenting hey jace little unguess today i'm here with jambo clone number 911 and we're going to be teaching you how to cook cereal oh first things first we're going to walk over to our kitchen um this kid looks like he's in a nickelodeon show like i i feel like there should be some like dan schneider sound effects along with this video it's a little small that's okay what it has a good personality and um we're just gonna go ahead and brother [Music] this is not the best he's cooking kitchen oh god i wonder if it's got running water where's my the lactate milk don't pour the milk in first don't pour the milk in first perfect oh lord oh lord this is not how you make cereal my friend oh i i couldn't be mad i couldn't be mad at him and step two this is psychopath i'm sorry this is psychopath behavior putting the milk in first and then pouring fruit loops over it crazy unhinged crazy people do this and where is my spoon uh i don't know why the i don't know why this spoon hitting the pot was so funny to me hold on and where is my spoon uh it's not funny that wasn't too funny jambo clone would you like some would you like some oh with that i'll just leave you with a short message um go watch sleep deprived podcasts is hey not bad they're minecraft server it's also very good i built the twin towers you were the [ __ ] that built the twin towers in the sleep deprived oh hello hello timeout uh huh i got to make some blue everybody i got to make a make a little bit of blue before we um crazy uh what are you what are you guys uh why are you guys upset i just need a little it i just need a little break you know just a little scoop of blue you know into the water yeah yeah that'll be good we're having a great day today eat it raw i'm i don't no i'm not gonna do a line of gamer subs it's crazy it's crazy activity marge can we run some tts while we enjoy this little break ah schlock you make a damn computer company before you give us the big guy hat [Laughter] he is some more mr rich thank you hey you wanna know something funny the guy who kept badgering me and sending me thousands of dollars for the hat we [ __ ] said i got your plushies as a gift for my girlfriend months later we broke up and when i was at my lowest point in life the plushies for my girlfriend arrived in the mail my now ex-girlfriend loves the plushies and him alone you gave her the plushies you cook you still gave him to her i would have resolved that [ __ ] dude hey kiff i'm doing tts right but here's 15 of my hard-earned money anyways please give jambo a hug later or i will commit unspeakable act i love give it smash the the best i always i always give him hugs you know what he loves recently those churu like the sticks with the paste in them that you squeeze out like a little gogurt he loves those loves loves loves those all right we can go back into it right guys we can go back into it this is fake right this is fake is this fake this is a fake submission on on my subreddit right this is like a cameo like you paid someone who who looked like this to do to like pretend to be in the video hello mr schlott i'm pretty sure i just fatally wounded the tiger behind me i'm i'm fairly certain it is now fatally wounded i heard a large crack and we'll see let's see christ jesus ah now he's good he's fine it's fine no damage no damage holy [ __ ] i have a lot of weaponry on that couch don't look there oh that's bad [Laughter] wow anyways let's watch this video from this nice viewer and i mean nice viewer hello mr schlott today i will show you how to make some scrambled eggs uh-huh some butter on the pan and we need to wait for it to melt then we need to put some egg oh god you suck no you sucked that's not you can't redeem yourself from that stirring noises of course time for the taste test he's gonna eat the [ __ ] he ate the [ __ ] shell wow that was awesome please do not hesitate to send another video in at your earliest convenience anyways uh welcome to asuka's lab what is this one about okay no i can't show videos on how to make meth i can't [ __ ] show videos guys guys the last time that [ __ ] happened my channel got a strike we cannot do videos about about making meth on youtube they s they simply strike them okay my channel will have terrible repercussions it is legitimately like actually instructions on how to do it oh lord let me be let me be wow okay that's a hot part of the video i don't you should be seeing this [ __ ] um guys please public service announcement i cannot show you please do not submit recipes for making meth please do not like mask them with other tick tocks because that's what you that's what you did last time there was like a cappy bar like a cute meme and then it just kind of like turned into how to make meth i cannot play videos on how to make meth i can't i can't okay please man no more of those videos legitimately begging you do not post these videos anywhere they will get me in trouble if i watch them it's educational i don't care that's educated teaching people how to make meth is not what is this one hey now i've seen what and i can say that all of them are culinary masterpieces of the food world however i see no one asking the truly important question what was he cooking a question that's plagued humanity for years the seventh wonder of the world to answer this question i'm sorry i cannot listen to this awful british accent for much longer this better get funny real quick or i'm turning it off i need to go back to 2019 to avengers event to see what he is cooking with okay it's not thank you however that's what he is cooking we need to see what he was cooking that is massive you bring it this is where i propose out of sheer desperation for his goals thanos was cooking up plutonium 239 for those two fateful days the 6th and 9th of august 1945 the american dropbox [Music] where's that part come in where does that part come in what was he cooking you know anyways hey schlatt today i'm going to be making rammy now you're probably thinking what the [ __ ] does this have to do with cooking well this kind of clay needs to be baked in the oven so it counts fight me okay as you can see i'm starting out the head body and limbs and as soon as i'll attach those that'll be the first step however right now it looks like a really shitty baby so we'll start out with adding horns except for adding horns on the head is gonna suck because ramy has ears that is don't show the knock off rammy that's not even the right one you knew that [ __ ] would piss me off this is the etsy one that oh my [ __ ] god if you want a legitimate rammy figure there's a panel below it's on amazon okay click it it'll take it to amazon that's the [ __ ] walmart one you found the target one you found you found big 99 cent rammy gonna have to do the ears first look at it look at the legs on it this is what pisses me off so much because this is what the [ __ ] comes up when you search jsi ram plushie this thing god it's cheaper i don't care i get it's cheaper they first if you want to pay for if you want to get that one you can but don't come crying to me we're gonna need this bad boy the possibility what is that some clay flat so i can fold them into ears once i do the ears i can attach those first and then wrap the horns around them to just make my life easier brother just just push the clay down with your hand you don't need to get like a like a [ __ ] [ __ ] pasta machine to put the clay through just go like this really it doesn't work like that yes it does yeah yes it does don't mind the different colored clay at the beginning i thought i'd need it but i didn't want to re-record it and i had enough of the gray clay so no it doesn't yes it does you guys are dumb first we can move on to the horns attaching the horns is probably my favorite part of this sculpt because honestly the moment really brought it all together and so i'll actually show you in a second what it was like ignore the scream that's my brother outside i just left it in because i thought it was funny huh but yeah this is where you can really see the piece blood cuddling scream in the background i'll actually show you in a second what it was like ignore the scream that's my brother outside i just left it in because i thought it was funny you people are [ __ ] nuts this is where you can release your people are [ __ ] nuts that looks good it's coming together already you can tell can't forget the little anime tufts of hair oh otherwise he's just bald true on a the collars of the shirts and whatnot so it's actually really easy doing this instead of the whole thing what i'm going to do is i'm going to take a strip of clay and i'm going to press it on with my various tools and then we've got a pretty good shirt illusion i didn't make the collar long enough so it doesn't really go on the back but you won't really see the back and i don't really know why you'd want to look at the back i suppose rambi does have a cute tail so i guess yes he does next i'll do the collar trick with both of the sleeves and that is all the sculpting done for remy i really like how it turned out with how fast i did it but he looks a little lonely [Music] so i'll make him a buddy oh what better buddy is there for randy then jambo with a comically stretched arm ready to commit bottle cap shenanigans what the [ __ ] the video of the wire i twisted to put in jambo's arm i just thought it was cool last step before baking is to give him a nice brush of isopropyl alcohol this will help remove all his arm isn't what look at the arm oh my god look at his arm it didn't do as good a job as well and make both jammy and rambo as smooth as jambo's brain it didn't do as good a job as i would have hoped it would but what do i expect it's practically water it expired in 2008 but time for the oven [Applause] under any other context those last couple seconds of audio would not fly unfortunately the oven light is broken so we can't really see them in there so in the meantime all the spakes i'll be playing with my dog rip he's a very good boy and i love him look at him oh um oh very much he's a good he's cool but uh yeah now they're done they're completely cured and ready for a paint job except for they're not i lied first i'm gonna do some touch ups with some sanding and the knife to just give them some more detail and now they're ready [Music] whoa oh my god recording the painting process but i really like how this turned out he's going to eat the magnet myself so i apologize for the stupid decisions like vertical recording but i had fun thank you that's really [ __ ] cool really [ __ ] cool shout out to the person who made this on reddit that is you are actually way more talented than anybody watching this right now i promise you also this is really cute until you realize that you're retelling a story where jambo put me a good seven thousand dollars in the hole twice yeah i really don't like thinking about that time those times here we go this is the this is probably going to be even better it's making eggs what the [ __ ] where where are you where are you huh dude just casually opens the window a [ __ ] river right outside his door what look consider like consider going upstairs you know maybe i don't know maybe i'm nuts oh jesus christ no video no good video is gonna start with a bottle of everclear rat guy that lives underneath your house houses in texas do not have basements there's pure concrete under under there unless you found a way in the hold on timeout oh my greetings big guy it's me the smaller rat guy that lives underneath your house why does he sound like plankton you haven't stopped by yet i figure i'd uh show you around and see what the place looks like here we have my hammock we have my pile of alcoholic trash we have my lights of course she gets a good fella the eagle we got the math clock i mean oh the etching math clock trash my baby lisa's got is ever clear and uh oh my lord my collection of all the cans i've had down here now let's get to the cooking tutorial so what you gotta do here is you just grab this and we pull out our little camo canister here and if you open it up you have everything you need to make a meal so the first step of making your feed my starving children head ass meal is first open the package you pull out your heating pad and the little utensils that come with it after pulling everything out except the flavor packet you should fill it up about halfway without that is this a real person making this video genuine question is this a real man this isn't some like this isn't some like blender animation hope you're doing well hey man i got a question for you okay got any tips on how to grow a moustache i personally would love to have one one day so any tips and tricks you might have would be greatly appreciated any tips and tricks matthew how do you think mustaches grow do you think you have to like train dude they just come in if yours isn't get some minoxidil or some [ __ ] yeah i gotta i gotta water my mustache every night technically you do if you're using minoxidil but or maybe just get on like you know some some steroids or something wait i forgot we're still watching this after that you throw the heating pad in there you pray to god that you'll be released from this sand prison one day and then you shut the hatch and call it good i miss my family after putting it in the bag you pretty much want to shake it around like michael j fox until you start seeing the steam and then you're good oh um set it on the ground and then wait about two minutes and it should be perfect to eat now if you excuse me i'm gonna go eat this and cry is it a black robe my sweater i don't care about the strange lore you set yourself up with with with like you living under my my my house you know and you you just have like a a concrete bunker with with sand and a bunch of alcohol bottles all i really care about is what the [ __ ] is going on right what is going on right there is that normal let it sit about five ten minutes what is that what is the bag is this an mre is that is that wow holy [ __ ] that's high tech man that's actually [ __ ] awesome i would totally try that once not with him though this video is called dinner is served oh my god what the [ __ ] am i watching what am i watching you are [ __ ] nuts for doing that man you are [ __ ] nuts he [ __ ] runs a marathon that comes back jesus christ man all right um i don't really even have a comment on that thanks schmidt for the 15. uh the tts missed you hey schlatt second time tipping but it feels like tipping a waitress too much at an applebee's after she [ __ ] up your order instant regret anyways not gonna pretend to be your friend bye no problem red panda ooh eight thanks for the 15 bucks hi schlatt can you share your favorite pick of jambo please i'd love to do a cross stitch portrait of him to send to you my favorite picture jambo is on the chalet twitter account is it too late to submit yes so would you say you're slaying right now thank you for the my favorite picture jambo is on the schlatt twitter account where i recently got him it was like a month of me having him he was on the carpet hitting the most exquisite loaf ever that's my favorite favorite photo am i slang i don't even understand okay let's let's see what this video is all about don't cook the they're cooking the dog they're cooking on some slim flavored gamer subs i'm not drinking [ __ ] gamer subs dude please stop with that that's not funny are we cooking the dog in this one don't cook him no no no no no [Music] holy [ __ ] he turned into a fresh pet select slice and serve roll oh my god that's [ __ ] up man i didn't know dogs did that well the more you know this video is titled egg today i'm going to be showing you how to fry an egg i'm going to be using one of these free skillets you are [ __ ] kidding me we're still doing this i we're still doing the the [ __ ] parking signs [ __ ] i'm gonna be using one of these free skill why don't don't get don't start with this [Laughter] we're not starting with this they're free they're free they're bolted to metal poles that are in the ground they're not free you can't take them and don't cook [ __ ] on them either let's not pick them at my local park so take one of these sitting on the edge of a table like this he is to cook eggs on a [ __ ] road sign give that thing a nice crack doesn't that look delicious oh yeah it looks great man step three a blow torch we get our heat source i like to use a butane lighter gives it a nice flavor holy [ __ ] he's not even as simple as that he's not even heating the underside underneath oh thank god all that's left to do is wait uh-huh hey buddy the egg is falling off the side but the egg okay it's it's not you can't push it back with the ah you lost it yum god oh doesn't that look delicious i swear to god you people are you people are one bad day away from becoming like serial killers no one does this [ __ ] not even for a bit christ who is that who is that uh come on man huh oh my god dude no no no oh man you don't have to be making this video right now you really don't have to be making this consider stopping thank you oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] this i come i come from a a long line of of heart disease and high blood pressure and this is not helping this is not helping me where are you man the chum bucket we in the chum bucket is this are we making kelp shakes bro i cannot believe that this is a actual place on planet earth the doorknob came right off oh jesus we're going on to the next video do i want to watch this one bless me bless me chet bless me thank you all right let's watch this one okay are these the world's most crispy fries let's find out i don't know are they [Music] hello hello i guess they might be they could be they could very well i'm sorry i'm sorry i can't the video usually like it the video frame is big enough that it covers the other thumbnails but i i just all right gamer timeout dionysus durant thank you for the gifted subs what is this go going on right here this the video is titled gamer sup's cake okay bro [Music] why why did you have to have that video in the end that added nothing to the rest of the video it hit nothing wow awesome man you made a cake out of gamer subs awesome hey how's it going today hey man to make a delicious portuguese meal has passed down from my but i want to say one thing to the american people hello uh-oh um all right anyways whatever dude who the [ __ ] is i don't know what the [ __ ] that are we making a haircake all right first things first we're making a vomit cake he's being haunted he's been haunted by bill have sexual how did he get my house my doors are locked what the [ __ ] he might be in there too be careful he might be in there you might have just locked yourself into the into the garage with him in here he got the poison in the room yep that's what happens that's what happens we lost have sexual relations with that woman miss lewinsky okay you really didn't have to put the frame in the end okay thanks man oh gourmet exotic recipe by legendary chef sam imagine that you're a [ __ ] roach and then all of a sudden you get hit by like white calcium patty what a terrible life you wake up in a plastic tube and then all this sun is just there's white powder all over you i wonder if it gets them high ready to serve okay chef samson's about to have a big meal today oh i like this guy hello is there anything left in the video he ran out of footage he just let the music play out for the for the last 15 seconds all right all right all right good one samson i'll let that slide that was the best video so far good call blurring out the water bottle so no one could dox you lord knows what'll happen if someone comes to chef sampson's house this is already terrifying i don't know if i want to watch this oh delectable of course unhinged big macs unhinged or bigger men wow i would pay any amount of money to join that meal that was just that was just eclectic to say the least i mean they got the laugh down too look at th listen to the laugh man big macs for bigger men [Laughter] love it those were some big men too jesus i'd buy them around slat i'm in a really bad situation right now and i'm so glad you are streaming so i can ask for your advice if you could only keep your left nut or right arm which would you choose to keep you're in a really bad situation right now oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] um [ __ ] uh probably probably keep the arm man probably keep the arm are you are you stuck in like a [ __ ] horror movie you're stuck in a torture chamber right now dude keep the arm keep the arm you know you can still make half to come if you lose one of the nuts it'll hurt but this dude's in a room with jigsaw sorry man good luck i'll keep watching videos for you wait so i could send you hundreds of dollars for a hat sign me up yeah man if you donate uh like 30 more times then we'll we'll get we'll get you in contact with the mod lost donuts got it got his hat he he got his [ __ ] hat after after all all these months begging for it we sent it to him he's here okay let's see brother don't be doing this i cook meal for my god the meal is oh jesus christ oh hey man you don't have to oh [ __ ] oh lord i cannot make noise it's 3 am and i will wake him jesus christ don't make a noise deadpool pop ross funko pop what a crazy matchup time to get fry [Music] paint shut up oh [ __ ] whoa you [ __ ] [ __ ] you [ __ ] this is this is the ingredients to black tar heroin stop giving me ingredients to make narcotics i can't show this in the [ __ ] video holy [ __ ] i can't show the video i'll save it for later though i'll be saving it for later anyone who donates a hundred dollars we will send you the full video guys guys please i know it's funny i know it's really funny to send me you know it's like really funny to send me things on how to cook illicit illegal substances but i cannot legitimately cannot show them you killed my sister back in 99 i'm going to find you and do the same to you i have a tea my pie there are six and they're getting close every day try me try me there's a pile of weapons behind me on the couch i will not move my head so as to show them because that would be against tos but believe me they're there we're gonna watch the next video now pro tip for making pasta jet fuel cannot melt steel beam pasta so if you wish to cook your pasta in it thank chef bush for this neat cooking trick what was that voice i've never heard that voice in my life thanks lamou it's leia thank you for the gifted subs hey here we go timeout timeout let's start this over meme envious hello everybody my name is and today i'll be showing you guys how to make a fruit salad the right way is this [ __ ] markiplier shall we all right first things first obviously if you look at the fridge i'm not fully capable of having the greatest things but at least you got that milk come on mark milk oh we got the fruits we got the almond milk but anyways yo go ahead and get the strawberries we gotta get the grapes and um oh the peach yeah right we need the peach okay so what are you curious things first what we need is to combine all of this we're gonna make a fruit salad i know that's not cooking you guys right chad that's not cooking that's it's not cooking yo we're gonna go ahead and first wash this we're gonna start off with the peach you already know check it out look at that [ __ ] it that's a valid concern good that looks wash it all together make it nice and clean dude you should be you should be in a cubicle right now let me put it let me put it bluntly okay you shouldn't be watching these streams you are a grown-ass man making fruit salad for a bunch of 15 year olds to watch okay get back to work start sitting in traffic and start trying to enjoy your marriage okay also jesus christ you really fell off after unis honest huh we love fruit salads right you guys love cooking you guys love killing people i know you do you [ __ ] do [ __ ] look at that fan [ __ ] tastic listen buddy i think you need to start [ __ ] eating healthy if you don't i'm gonna go to your house and thank you for watching guys you already know hit the subscribe button comment down below your favorite part and i'll see you guys in the next video peace baby peace bye wow i he really slipped in a bit about us murdering people huh that doesn't happen oh lord this is not gonna be good i can just tell from the thumbnail this is not going to be good hey schlatt you asked for a uh cooking video right yeah so i'm going to give you a family recipe okay for my grandma a long time ago i'm going to teach you how to cook fish great step one capture the fish jesus christ he said if he's in a little toy pool in his backyard making any fish is of course the ingredients now a lot of people like to go to the market and buy it but i think that's a bit pretentious hey man where do you live you got a nice backyard i like catching on myself them right here at the lake of course trying to get the best fish now here's a secret they don't tell you a little bit of meth you we cannot show meth we cannot show meth i can't even show it as a joke it can't even be a joke that that's meth youtube will ban me holy [ __ ] nuclear thickness thank you for the gifted subs holy [ __ ] i'm putting the kibosh on this right now guys we cannot even pretend to have meth in the video okay now we just sit and wait all right now we drop it oh [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] i am i am clicking on the next one oh my god wow all right that's it holy [ __ ] we're back in seventh grade the dudes scooped them remember when that [ __ ] would happen christ now sorry now that you've successfully beaten your creature it's ass luckily this one is [ __ ] caked makes you got a trusty little katana let me start all right now that you've successfully killed your fish and skinned it we got it's meat there's a lot of ways to cook it right personally you could use the uh little stove here don't slap it mighty power of god uh-huh but i like using something else i swear it's a [ __ ] blowtorch gonna be a really easy way to cook it what it's [ __ ] good military approved [Applause] all right let me put this down for a second now that this thing is uh prepped a bit it's cooked did he say that was a demon core that cooked the never mind it's ready thank you nuclear thanks for gifting more socks i really need it am i i'm i'm not i'm very stressed right now with these submissions there's a lot of ways you can season it personally i like seizing it with a 1945 millimeter [ __ ] he's got an artillery shell why do you have that oh he uses it to season the fish that's great that's great i give it a good slap okay all right now you're going to want to throw it into the oven uh-huh thank you harley dot sticks thank you throw that in you didn't have to do that mitch thank you what is going on okay we're almost done by now your fish should already be cut right now take out the oven oh look at that [ __ ] what is that meth again you [ __ ] kidding me [Applause] holy [ __ ] holy [ __ ] stop stop stop i don't know how this [ __ ] why am i so orange i don't know how this [ __ ] forms like i'm getting more orange by the second i will be orange soon guys i i legitimately don't understand how memes like this form so quickly where we'll have one we'll have one joke in one tick tock video and then the whole the whole theme of the next one is just like meth and narcotics it it you guys are like on a neural net where you're just training the intel i have no idea how to shoot every single video's got some kind of narcotic reference [ __ ] me at least weezer's gone at least they're not doing [ __ ] weezer anymore ah okay we all know how much jay schlatt loves meat so today all right thanks my steaks thanks for that the first step in the steak process is you need to dry off your big hot and wet meat and once that meat is all dried off you need to put a little salt onto it that salt is going to make it so oozy and crispy in the pan brother you do not have to explain it like that i not once in my life have i heard anybody describe meat as uzi uzi [ __ ] me and now we're gonna have to pepper our steak pepper and salt make for very good flavors on beef that's all you need and oh don't start jerking off the salt dispenser holy [ __ ] excited here steak is best paired with butter so we're going to make sure to add a real evenly and thick coat butter too stop it slap your meat onto a pan and then three minutes the first side should be done okay he's hearing it okay look at that juicy beauty cut it in here okay medium rare now i'm always a fan for me in my mouth but this takes the [ __ ] i mean cake i'm joe biden and i approve this message glad joe approves of that honestly i'm i'm overjoyed i mean this is congrats right this is the first one that actually had a finished product at the end that wasn't a joke the dude actually made steak and it looked good i don't understand why he had to make it so sexual but at least there was food at the end thank you nuclear thickness you are great i appreciate it dude i don't like it okay okay so guys we're going to watch this video and i swear to god i am turning off the stream if this turns into a meth recipe if this turns into a a a a heroin recipe if this turns into a napalm recipe a pipe bomb recipe it is the stream is turning off okay let's figure out how to make blue blue of course being the delicious gamer subs flavor blue res which you can get at gamer subscribe for 10 off great thank you hey lynn balls for the gifted subs you guys are going crazy appreciate it all right and again like i said if this has a narcotic recipe the stream is over over he's got the water bottle he's got chris oh he's got crystals oh that's funny if we're already on the line buddy uh-huh put gamer subs sponsor crystals in the water two to three crystals typically works enjoy that better be it that better be it that better be it thank god side note i love how he was shaking the water and it was like 2fps so it just looked like a slideshow with a bottle going back and forth [Laughter] that's [ __ ] awesome i love that i love that how to make southern ribs all right slap we got our [ __ ] ribs see now this is what you call southern ribs jesus christ halen balls thank you for the gifted subs once again this i'm i'm i'm gonna try to not pass judgment immediately i really hope it's good i'm just excited you know it seems it seems it seems completely legitimate and earnest so it's just gonna give him a chance he does have his dogs out the dogs are out ribs you see now this is what you call southern ribs if you put barbecue sauce on your [ __ ] ribs yeah you do not have a [ __ ] and box i've heard that you say you're gonna wrap this up oh these [ __ ] know what they're doing we're gonna take this [ __ ] outside we're gonna oh [Music] all right propane propane and propane accessory accessories i prefer wood but you see me too hard right now so i ain't got no wood uh i know that i know that field i appreciate the dude's subtitling efforts jesus all right moment of truth boys a little bit longer a little longer yeah a little longer on that one a little longer a little longer on that one yeah dude it needs to be a little longer that's why i say every night why the [ __ ] is there a pot of eggs or just [ __ ] eggs eggs why do we have eggs here because why not true that's not a [ __ ] answer that is a pretty good answer to me guys is that a good answer good-looking here's schlatt right the look of these ribs oh my god another good split at the top oh man look at this i'm not gonna lie it looks [ __ ] gross it looks terrible but that's probably because you're recording this on vertical video on an iphone probably like an iphone 6. so i'll give you the benefit of the doubt i want to see the meat slide off the bone things [ __ ] marinating in the grease don't you guys have plates maybe a plate actually would be better we need to put these in the oven yes we do let's go do that what the [ __ ] is that sausage that is the thickest most girthy succulent sausage i've seen in my entire [ __ ] life holy [ __ ] there's circumference on that thing oh my god what what no no what welcome back to cooking with actually odin today we are learning how to open tuna can come on man you don't need to freeze frame on the on the feet drop it on the floor get a knife oh and it opened just like that wow subscribe for more daisy references [Laughter] that is that is actually how it works in daisy that's funny it took me a minute he's got the dogs out too dude you're gonna start bleeding if you keep the dogs out for too long make sure you're not stepping on any glass with the new pair of uh of shoes you find either ah all right all right next one i made ice cream ice cream in a bag okay some baking soda some sugar some vanilla extract that is so loud okay some chocolate what is that salt why did why did you put that much salt in the ice cream salt that's a [ __ ] ton of salt dude that's a lot of so the ice is colder oh it didn't go in the mix and went in the bag with the ice to make the ice colder of course right right right yeah no dude it's like yeah no we do that to we do that to people just like pressured against them with the with the salt it's [ __ ] it's fun okay beating it up making a face on it okay that seemed on this oh dude okay squeeze it out like paste it's a [ __ ] what the [ __ ] all right all right no no i'm good i'm i'm good on the street you [ __ ] dick a weezer me man a 9 11 why would you do that it seemed unnecessary you know [ __ ] good [ __ ] killed two birds with one stone i guess three birds if you count both of the towers anyways um i didn't have anything uh anything so i'm just gonna drink vanilla extract don't [ __ ] drink vanilla extract dude holy [ __ ] how did he do that dude you can't do that can you do that can you drink hey i didn't have time to make uh anything so i'm just going to drink vanilla extract bottom's up pretty good pretty good yeah that dude that dude had a nice visit to the toilet after this holy [ __ ] are you afraid of poor people no it just so happens that the minimum donation for texas speech is 15 that's just you know i didn't set that let's be honest the new flavor is thick water it's not thick water it's not [ __ ] either the gamer subs new flavor that's coming out soon it's not we've been working out for a while it's not come all right hey schlitty hey just got the ramen mail today i'm gonna shove him in a jar and shake him around just like you did with that family in 2009 i did no such thing with the family in thousand i did not shake them around it was more of a jostle you were going to be accepting packages again once i open the ones i have doing well thank you always important to check in less than three lesson three baby thank you one of these look i'm going to open the p.o box when we open the open all the packages we got a [ __ ] tunnel behind there with with the weaponry hey schlib i finally got my ram yeah a month and i'm using it as a phone stand to watch your stream all so i hope you watch my video thanks man i don't know if your video is in here but i appreciate you having my gf over and she saw the pile of ram plushies on my bed oh you must have laid say i don't have a gf anymore but i keep slaying anyways shout out to the fellow lesbians in chat you're saying that the remy plushies aren't chick magnets bottom's up all right next one i've been watching breaking bad recently and i don't know how to cook so here's a comprehensive tutorial on how to cook crystal meth at home no no i can't show these [ __ ] videos i can't show them i can't oh i have to take a break i have to take a break i have to take a break [Music] i gotta go zen mode i gotta go zen mode an entire subculture known as party play is based around sexual activity and myth and fatal and used participants in this subculture almost entirely will typically meet up and have inner curse one second i gotta get i gotta take a look i gotta walk for a little bit all right we're going back in hey scribble purple i hope you know that you got some explaining to do we're going back into the videos you ready don't call me slurple nurple either all right uh all right let's cook uh watch watch watch silly me okay schlatt you wanted cooking i don't care no no no this isn't your room very much i eat a lot of sunflower seeds you don't you don't you don't spit them out you don't spit the bats off a lot of sunflower seeds you spit them into popcorn bags holy [ __ ] holy [ __ ] [Music] is that a used kind of what oh holy [ __ ] oh my god oh my god that [ __ ] holy [ __ ] holy [ __ ] wow that felt like a crime but it wasn't it's crazy how things can feel so illegal so i can't [ __ ] hear you you're recording this video next to a [ __ ] airplane that's a good drink that's a good drink that tastes really good i can tell you already whipped cream that's a [ __ ] shot a [ __ ] shot what's a recipe for a [ __ ] shot anyways think that myself today we're going to be you did not call me shat myself hey shat myself christ almighty you p you people you people really really get on my [ __ ] nerves man thanks that myself today we're going to be eating some jacho jachnun is a yemeni jewish pastry originating from the adani jews and traditionally served on shabbat morning the dish was popularized in israel by the yemeni jewish immigrants has since become a customary food in many households since it is forbidden to light fire or use electricity during shabbat the dish is made on a shabbat hot plate at a low temperature for a full day oh another thing you may not see interesting is where the bodies of the thirteen women are killed in 99 bro you don't that's completely irrelevant information i highly suggest that you find a place to eat this amazing dish thank you myself see you later thanks man you didn't say you didn't sh you just showed yourself eating it in fast motion for 40 seconds you should it was a cooking tutorial video that i was asking for anyways um we'll go to the next one we'll go to the next one why are you wearing white latex gloves what is this what is this a recipe for what is this a recipe for okay these it feels like food so far it's food it's food it's food cake probably yeah maybe okay it is cake it's most certainly cake oh okay what what are you what oh [ __ ] okay [Music] that's actually cool the ingredients oh wow gay cake the ingredients you listed made it sound like you were cooking up something sinister let me just put it that way cake was inedible this might have some this might this might be good we it might have some potential here five-minute no-bake cosmic brownie bites never mind i am severely allergic to cosmic brownies i cannot watch this video huh what kool-aid type water flavor powder plus instant noodles official fruit a rating negative two out of ten had a religious experience in a negative way overwhelmingly sweet you are i don't know what else to say unhinged unhinged a bunch of unhinged people sending in their videos today [ __ ] this [ __ ] this is what happens when we moved to reddit i think we had an issue because redditors are are actually insane people they're actually crazy um and now we only get submissions from redditors so yeah our slash jay schlatt submissions everybody uh check to summa for the next challenge uh video like this where you guys will be forced to make videos um especially if you know you you're this guy hello skiddly dad and all small men enjoyers whatever hey we're gonna be making a cheese toasty no she's toasty i'm australian people deserve to be ashamed of who they are anyway this is fairly simple i don't even need to explain you could probably just watch along what but um what yeah anyway just lately i've been looking into this mr hands fella you keep talking don't talk about mysteries that is [ __ ] up it is like is it not [ __ ] up they taught the horse to prop itself up onto them once right and he got up he like mounted himself and like not only that but that [ __ ] when he when he got shafted and had his stomach isn't it they just ditched him outside the hospital ran away and ran off exactly like holy [ __ ] that is yup and that there's footage of this apparently yeah i haven't seen it but oh i have holy [ __ ] you want a link also congratulations on the gamer gupps sir thank you thank you so you bought yourself an ice helicopter anyway i think it's just about done now don't mind come on man yep here you go honestly not all that bad bye honestly that's a decent one i enjoyed the little small talk he made about mr hands don't look that up don't google mr hands guys you watching this video on youtube.com on the jslett live channel do not search mr hands mr hands do not search him do not go to google right now and search mr hands into google.com and click i'm feeling lucky because you will not the rest of your day will not be very lucky i'll put it that way uh i would i would have removed the tomatoes i'm not big on tomatoes also mustard kind of weird choice for this but hey you know what i'll give him a pass i love the australian folk they are great this was a nicely made strat i committed tax fraud and now the earth is hunting me down how do i escape from that i literally cannot help you they just added 87 000 new irs employees it's going to be a lot harder to do what we've been doing for the past decade i'll tell you that much anyways where are you what oh oh oh oh jesus [ __ ] christ i didn't need to see that today i did not need to see that oh oh wow hey i bet it tastes real fresh you know it's probably good to someone why am i watching this yeah baby this one's for you what's going on schlamantha schlong iii i got a big old nice video for you today because you didn't really put a time limit on how long these usually should be they should be under two minutes okay you went a minute over the requirement that's okay there's enough of those submissions probably already in this folder let me let me cut to the chase let's make this quick all right i got i got [ __ ] to do and i'm sure you do too right into what i got planned today okay hot dogs eagle hot dog [ __ ] [ __ ] god the old [ __ ] georgia coney sausages dogs oh my god the sausage you get some mustard and ketchup and french fries on top of that sausage you already know you're going to see a majority of these anyways all right how many many people do you know about submit a [ __ ] hot dog glizzy you know sausage related food item being cooked you expect it by now i know you know i'm eight modeling you right now all right we learned this [ __ ] in sales buddy but guess what guess what you know what i'll take on that challenge but am i going to be the one cooking [ __ ] no i'll leave those to the servants guess what i did right that's what i did of course people cook the hot dogs for me that's right servants for us buddy we're eating like kings tonight we are king baby otk otk baby old-fashioned american hot dogs jesus making hot quote i can't read anymore making hotdogs on discord.com what is this an isaac y video is this a soft willy video it's very well edited hey jack what are you doing right now you have to cook me a hot dog can one of you on camera draw or cook a hot dog i could do it in ms paint i need someone to either draw cook or eat a hot dog on camera all i need to do is draw a hot dog can you guys cook or draw a hot dog or anything closely related to a hot dog right now what if i whip out you know what let's not we're not gonna we're not gonna do this one here can draw eat or cook a hot dog or something closer i'm just we're just sat here watching uh watching a youtube video we're watching youtube videos now we're related to a hot dog right now i can do it oh my god can you cook me a hot dog this dude's got his he's got his obs overlays on i thought that was the bun holy [ __ ] how's it going with the hot schmug [Laughter] homemade big boys on deck all days of the week 24 7 365. we got you hooked up on the franks bro don't even get it twisted bro don't even get a twist oh no it's a can you creeper just chuck it into any like corner of your room and just see what happens i'm gonna do like a fortnight like a like a fortnite grenade holy [ __ ] that's a hot dude that's colgate that is toothpaste on a hot dog you guys looking at me we're just watching and advertising for this guy's channel at this point who is it anyone know who this guy is okay you put you had to you you really he had to do that at the end it's always got to be right at the end it's always got to be right at the end you know hey i mean it wasn't bad you got some you got some uh some potential for making discord videos you could be the next isaac what's this guy's channel boom take shine i think good job good job this is the only shout out during this entire this entire stream and video we don't want another tcat 454 situation where the dude blows up we're not we're not a charity you know it was a good video though i'll give it to you let's see what this is all about okay dude why is it in in 144 p where's like the five-star rating system where's like where's the oldest youtube logo up there video hey there jay schlatt hey man uh you can call me nitro hey nitro uh shout out to my mom shout out and uh yeah i'm making some pb j today okay what is in there wait a minute what what the [ __ ] what is what was that does anybody know what those were just plato was it play-doh i guess we'll never know ah mods let's run some tts we're like 20 minutes behind just got the ran me should i name them buttons or jpeg need a professional's opinion buttons i don't know hey schlot have you had a chance to check out the new mario kart tracks thoughts nope have not do not care what microphone are you using i'm going to buy one soon i've i'm using the hale pr40 as far as i know i'm the only youtuber in history to ever use this microphone i'd do it for the aesthetics because it looks cool and because it comes with a silver shock mount that they discontinued so now i'm the only person who will ever have a microphone that looks like this seriously good luck getting this gone hey libby pity i like your micro bollywood cup to come out so i can put the special gamer sup's flavor in it it's not gonna be a [ __ ] flavor i promise you don't get your hopes up hey schlizzy glad i could catch your quarterly stream jesus christ what's your thought on airplane food i love the biscoff cookies that come with the delta flights uh recently i've been flying first class and um american gives you a nice little brownie treat at the end of the charcuterie board which is nice but too often the people in first class want to make conversation with you because they're old and they're like why is a little youngin why is a city slicker sitting in my first class currently frying my chicken patties until i get my big guy hat well hey you're gonna need a couple more donations to get the big guy head it's not that easy baby not that easy biscoff [ __ ] good though can we agree on biscoff good they also used to give you a little packs of peanuts jetblue has got really good like snack selection i found out about the pop corner white cheddar from them and they also have like these mustache cookies which are really [ __ ] good um i i'd say jetblue generally has the best snack selection but the biscoff are topped here it's just a matter of whether or not you're gonna get them all right we'll keep on going we'll keep on going it's all about the mid baby love the meth gonna hit the metapod baby let's go myth stop please i beg of you [Laughter] oh no now yourself how are you this fine evening great i just quit my job to move to florida awesome good luck there why i guess would be my next thing to say to you um all right we're going to keep on going guys we're going to keep moving on i feel my blood pressure reaching peaks so we got to blow through the rest of these all right guys we're gonna speed run it we're gonna speedrun it i don't use reddit that much and this is a very scuffed video so enjoy cooking with oh my god they made an animation today i will show you how to make ah pima bubba cookies pima bubber sugar egg and peanut butter and you should put it in a bowl and you mix it all the way that sounds like a food from from chowder there's that and then you do the same with a fork and then you put it in the oven and you wait 10 minutes boom look at that little steam oh my god it's peanut butter cookies it's just legitimate it's a this is a food from chowder this is something mangdal would make chatter make and then panini comes along and then the cookies like have faces and [ __ ] and actually there's really funny thing about peanut butter is that you use the [ __ ] peanut butter jar that was good you put in more effort than anybody else did i respect that it was also a pretty cute animation so thanks for sending that in that made my day a little better not too much better and now it's been ruined now my day is absolutely positively ruined um i this is just called meatloaf.jpg wow really cool guys really cool [Applause] [Music] what is this what are we watching is this the minecraft launcher are we loading up the game right now are we are [Music] hello [Music] okay i'm gonna skip ahead he's still floating the world oh he's in thank god he's in don't kill the chicken man no no oh holy [ __ ] he killed it is he gonna make he put okay that's the furnace he put it in the front okay he he did it and he's back to the menu wow that was really awesome best star forged pc bro what the [ __ ] is your problem that's not funny i just started that company stop it stop it [Laughter] that's not funny that's not funny you're looking for a new computer starfordsystems.com link in the description guys you got to believe me they run a couple fps better than that hello schlatt hello today i'm going to be talking to you about my favorite thing ever the croissant not to be mistaken with my least favorite thing ever which is apartheid now i like the croissant because all right someone in chat goes [ __ ] is apartheid jesus you guys are real behind i need everyone to refresh the stream everyone needs to hit refresh just get up to date you're lagging behind all you mobile viewers reload but how do you make it isaac why dude you met yeah dude we found someone who's uh who's gonna take your place in discord video his name is take shine he's gonna beat you man he's gonna beat you you gotta you gotta catch up well i like this part this step is very important this is you are you are mess this part up put it in the oven and then once that's done you should have a delectable pastry like this this man bro yummy i i feel like i just walked into a tavern in skyrim or something man dude today i'm going to be hello schlatt hello schlatt today i'm going to be talking to you about my favorite thing ever the croissant great awesome tree like this yummy wow why didn't you eat it man oh jesus [ __ ] christ right get some sugar for the bod watchers we can almost certainly not play this music it there is the most dreadful dubstep playing right now and there's anvil sound effects as the ingredients go in huh i'm kind of getting into it any dancers oh in the microwave holy [ __ ] it blew up watch the cat while we wait oh bro that was probably the best tasting thing we've seen all day i'm not gonna lie as much of a meme as the [ __ ] video was that was probably the best tasting thing we've seen hello mr schlatt hello i hope it's okay to send in videos of things that others have cooked because i have something that my darling love bug mina has been cooking up for two months you're darling nina and she's worked really really hard and she's slaved away and i think that other people deserve to see what she's made uh-huh here they are i know they're hard to see look at him crappy camera look at him mina no feed your children children she wants nothing to do with them over here for cuddles she just left them all she walked away names are mercury venus mars jupiter and saturn and as of today um friday this is so sweet we were born on sunday so they're five days old very little very small and i love them and they're cuter than jumbo [ __ ] you [ __ ] you um is this like are you putting these up for adoption is that why they have the fun names like that i love looking at pet finder and you'll see you'll see there's legitimately a cat up for adoption in the austin area whose name is spark plug and then you'll like do more searching and and there'll be there'll be another one and it'll be called like catalytic converter and you're like is that the same and then there's like a picture of both of them sitting there together and you're like oh okay we just give them wacky names now little spark plug little spark plug adopting a little spark plug i would actually keep the cat's name if it if it was [ __ ] spark plug that's how i got jambo's name i mean jambo was one of the other cats that i tried to adopt but didn't get to in time so i wound up with another one and i called it jambo in memory in memoriam of the one i missed so there's two jambos in austin now yeah jambo was kind of the replacement but hey he doesn't know he doesn't mind he just eats treats all day hi welcome to the hottest day of the summer where we're going to be standing next to a hot metal box for several hours okay using this landfill that i bought from you you bought the cookie cutter all right let's see it in action cookies not cookies too many [ __ ] kinds of nuts in my kitchen for some reason so that's what we're doing today yeah let's go so the first step of course is to pre-heat the metal depth box onto a temperature that is sure to burn down my entire building complex if left unattended next step is to carefully separate all of the wet and dry ingredients into two separate bowls i'm not gonna [ __ ] do that because i'm not a [ __ ] still missing a few ingredients of course namely the nuts and i know you're looking forward to the nuts the most we have some walnuts here really love this video here we have hazelnuts really love it also nutmeg wow playing copyrighted music too all the crunch of the nuts let's see yeah it'll hold its shape oh my god oh it worked it worked it's a resounding success the nut cookie has been decapitated you know what it's fine we can fix him with science look at these guys they're all in the oven oh he's gonna come out so good i've never seen okay so we sold the we sold the cookie cutter rammy one it came with the gingerbread i've never seen how they actually turn out and i'm excited we're about to see it cool dog wow all right they're kind of you can kind of see you can kind of see of course nice no nut cookie is complete that's a milk right what where what milk is that man [Laughter] well did you know that british people call these [ __ ] things these sprinkles you know they call them hundreds and thousands who the [ __ ] also you've got to knock off uh j schlatt figurine there and i'm gonna have my lawyers contact you so look out for an email oh dear [ __ ] lord [Laughter] that's quite a scene at 11 55 p.m that's really uh yeah nice great here we go ramen this is called ramen.mp4 to make what the [ __ ] is this you you learn in imovie transitions right you got to get the sauce packet out [ __ ] terry by the way [ __ ] terry set your timer for six and a half minutes and put your again i did not pre-watch this i swear to god i was just sticking back to the first thing i'm just thinking back to the first thing where the they put the flavoring in the pot and then jamble pops out that's fine [Laughter] that's fine that was your timer noise what didn't put your ramen in your bowl that's fine um what is that what does that mean that is the timer noise you use unhinged you weren't even done talking in that last clip and you started again and now holy [ __ ] is that invisalign are you getting your ice in a bowl i use these teeth molds because they work best for me that's an egg meal you you taking a shot out of the egg a v8 you're drinking the v8 out of the egg oh yeah that shout out makes it all better thanks that is the most normal viewer i have yeah you're right i don't want to watch this video i'll be honest i don't want to watch it well here we go [Laughter] great starter i teach chase slide how to make ramen first you gotta get the water about you know about that much yep you go grab some ramen from the local cupboard see this [Music] mist there we go and you just go go like that while it's cooking you have time to think one wonder i have constantly is oh my the number 911 is the emergency number and also please the date of the tragedy hold me over get a nice makeout session i'm sorry i'm sorry brother i'm skipping it oh i have to skip it i have to skip it rice crispy treats hey schlatt and friends um we're culinary majors and we wanted to show you a super simple recipe that anyone can do you can you want me to go back we'll go back after this this this i guarantee is going to be the best one culinary majors rice krispie treats let's go okay so for ingredients i have um butter marshmallows you gotta take it out of the bag and then uh sprinkles and frosting you have to you have to take those out of the bag okay thank you now we're gonna pour the rice krispies since our marshmallow is melted i shouldn't have done that all in one damn you're going to want to grease your hands with some oil the same you can use the same that you put on there you're going to want to press it down so it doesn't all right so you got a little nice shirt really we have our final product in fact you can't see them we have one for jambo uh-huh smiley face some lips we have one first flat says men and it's free steel cones it's free yeah right road sign our absolute masterpiece the tragedy rice crispy twin towers is there someone in the window too there is there's a [ __ ] person in the window there's a you are you have a there's some there's a man outside the house and it's free still comes there's a face in the window look and then um we also have our absolute masterpiece the tragedy wow what is the riddle me this one what is the pile of uh of red rice krispies the pentagon is that the pentagon that's the first tower thanks thanks cryos so glad you're you're watching along we'll have we'll go back to this [ __ ] kid make some broth i can't find the broth so i'll use him no we're not [Music] today we make sandwich sandwich sandwich sandwich sandwich why did he say 11. is this video gonna end with never mind sandwich sandwich i'll put it i'll put it on loop just to be sure we made three okay turkey and cheese sandwich where are you getting the bread from oh they made the forbidden try witch you can't be doing that you don't want to know who comes knocking when you make that [ __ ] it's really nice outside so we came to do another sandwich but outside this time also dog work okay some provolone that's that's a mistake what what is that what oh lord oh my [ __ ] god how many songs are you playing at once dude i'm skipping through this the whole thing's disgusting yeah just waste that food yeah just waste it you threw up from that come on man 11. oh he legitimate there was no one said nine at the end well eleven grunk went live say goodbye to your viewers we might rate grunk at the end who knows i think we're getting pretty close great this is gonna be an awesome video hello schlatt i wanted to show you how to make spaghetti because you clearly failed on misc stream seriously i i am not i never recorded this guys i never recorded this actually what even was that i wonder how you function as an adult sometimes ah doesn't this look good and edible let's get started first you are going to want to fill a pot with water bring your pot to the stove and wait for the guys i do not make this you're going to want to make some sauce i took the saltiest person i could find and ripped him up until i got his core components and cook it so frequently guys just wait to know if your pasta is cooked is to see if it sticks when you throw it at a wall throw it at a wall that was a joke i never even watched the dreams and pete i just wanted to get a reaction from you anyways once your pasta is cooked drain the pasta water using a strainer violently toss your spaghetti and bring your pot back to the stove it's time to make the sauce after watching this stream where are you people getting the me voice from who the [ __ ] trained an artificial intelligent voice that sounds like me where where where does it happen seriously that's it's me it's not me it's not me i'm not recording that i don't believe you're capable of making an actual sauce so let's just start with something simple for the sauce of your choice into a pot let it heat up and then put your spaghetti in there mr spaghetti spaghetti dude i i did not record this it is not me and please stop using this voice to try and trick me and enjoy hopefully this tutorial helps you become more competent as an adult and gets you some extra cash on me why why did you do that [ __ ] weirdo weirdo oh jesus christ no no no don't do it schlatt cake what are you doing with that what are you doing with what do you do with the schleich [ __ ] hi slack no no guys i need to take a break i need a ticket to see almost missed the stream today chick-fil-a held me hostage wow um let me be right back guys let me be just right back in a second please all right we got to put up with this guy for the next two and a half minutes hi slack jesus christ you're gonna be cooking your favorite meal first why are you standing like that i love that next you're going to want to put the water on boil and a lid on top maybe while you're boiling you can do some sick riffs [Music] can we do some tts or something man jesus hey slot i just got silver 3 and cs go nice supercalifragilistics expirados i i always somehow manage to miss these types of submission challenges yeah it's all on reddit right yep it's all on reddit r slash j submissions i'll have a sticky post donation this stream i want my hat soon sorry man i don't decide when that happens that's you know it's up to the chat whether or not you've you've done enough to deserve a hat it's glad i live in an umplaw come over sometime and i'll take you to see the barn for science wow you live near enumclaw washington by the barn all right we'll give him a hat we'll give him a hat mods get into contact with him we'll get the addy we'll send him a big guy hat how about that all right or even some cleaning [Music] what anyways now that your water's boiled it's time to lightly put in some salt stir this salt to let it dissolve and put the pasta in oh stir that too have to guys i this is the this is a compilation of everything that pisses me off in the world i have to skip it i have to skip it i really do i real this video was was engineered from the ground up to just raise my blood pressure and give me a heart attack as soon into my life as possible this is not he's drinking out of a [ __ ] mug he's drinking out of a mug that says [ __ ] on it guys guys i got to skip it i'm sorry oh mango mucho mango what an amazing recipe yeah man smash that like button for more cooking tips smash that like button everybody [Music] [Applause] oh this looks pleasant hello today we'll be traveling an egg a quick healthy and easy way to feed yourself guys can i just offer up some some advice if you're making a video and you have b-roll of an ocean plane don't make the b-roll of the ocean ten times louder than your voice please [Laughter] [Music] like any good recipe the first step is which my dad says is french for early i can't even hear you man we pretty much only need one thing for this recipe [Music] he dropped the eggs no no oh did you think that we were going to continue no [ __ ] you you stupid bastard there's still egg on the floor we have to clean that up they told me not to put all my eggs in one basket and here i [ __ ] am you know what that means obligatory submission feedback i'm leaving i'm leaving okay why do you have a blanket that has a tile image of my face where do you buy this thing dude i don't get it it looks very good you you seem like a put together guy but holy [ __ ] what's with the schlanket and and don't let's not call it a schlanket anymore please dude's got a custom red bubble schlanket dude i got to start selling that [ __ ] i gotta sell it i really got to sell the schlanket i really do you guys would buy it too that's the funny part how many of you guys would would buy the schlanket probably a lot hello hello there fellow shletters and loyal citizens of the empire today we're going to be baking schlatt's very favorite cake recipe so you're going to need all of those ingredients and the world famous men's cake the classic recipe from 99 oh my god trademark cake batter wow just dump out every little bit right i remember i sold that put in one cup of whatever that is why are you dressed up like star wars cup of i'm not sure what that substance is a half a cup of piss eggs right here you are breaking those eggs you're breaking those eggs so aggressively [Music] dude it's like you're you're begging me to look at it [Music] i'm seeing it oh i'm seeing it wow now that our cake is done the only thing we've got left to do is add the frosting i am going to [ __ ] kill somebody on the streets never mind i take that back oh [ __ ] all his buddies all his buddies dead damn damn all right hello everybody it's me pickle oh god this one [ __ ] guy i swear to god if there's a in lk school water fountain in this video i'm going to lose it i'm going to lose it cooking with pickle i'm going to show you how to make the greatest grilled cheese east of the mississippi uh-huh all right here we so first we're gonna need to butter some bread uh-huh wow yep would you look at would you would you look at that buttered bread now we're gonna we're gonna take we're gonna take our bread put it right there get this other guy and we're gonna save that guy for later as we put on some basil pesto wow that's awesome that's an insane amount of pesto make sure to subscribe now we're gonna we're gonna cut this tomato never a good choice wow that was i do not enjoy tomatoes all right now i just got to put the tomato on the um when's the on the grilled cheese when's the cheese coming out man that's awesome and now for the main ingredient [ __ ] great the cheese wow that's awesome that's awesome it's beautiful now we just gotta wait to flip it you didn't turn this on my cat hello that's on now's the time to flip it let's flip it let's see how it looks uh-huh don't [ __ ] this up pickle oh he [ __ ] it up straight into the trash straight into the trash baby he [ __ ] up the flip man did anyone see the water fountain in this usually that's the only funny part of his videos but i i don't think uh i don't even think he featured in in this one wow oh jesus christ here we go today i will be teaching you my family's recipe to help with an upset tummy hello jay pratt brother name kiss prat what first we start with the glass pour in some milk okay next add some chocolate syrup and some honey okay sprinkle in some sugar and a little bit of maple syrup i see you now normally you would use a soda of your choosing why why is the video you talking but you added voice over does someone want to decipher what this man is actually saying he could be saying some heinous [ __ ] right now but since i did not have any i will not be using any now time to add the mustard follow that up with some cherry juice and honey barbecue sauce this is this is not next this is a family recipe now the recipe calls for lemonade powder and a squirt or two of ketchup and soy sauce dude this is when the recipe gets various when did he get a red socks out some of your favorite seasonings i personally chose onion powder garlic powder and some pepper get a jar of pickle and pour in some of that juice now you're going to want to add a shot of mouthwash grab a couple of saltine crackers crushed those up and put it in the cup careful cat came over to say hello why don't all you people have cats every single one of you how important this recipe is to so many people likewise i also express graduation with cargo shorts for this special occasion we will now add in a bit of dish soap remember the sound of the animal on the bottle the better it'll taste ramen noodle flavor packet and finally a couple mini marshmallows as you can see the recipe is very human and easy to make don't forget and then you're ready to drink here we go smells just like grandma used to make i'm sure it does man yummy good luck so delicious that was a very big sip and i am now full no need for a second set so tasty and good for you this surely will cure my tummy ache that was the tummy ache elixir tutorial as you saw the recipe is very human i bought the joe biden oh man i'm glad listen i'm glad it was so good it filled you up in one sip and you didn't need another [ __ ] man that's great he pulled the jump button after his speech bit oh you can't be doing that man that's disrespectful this is my newly invented multifunctional bicycle seat the [ __ ] human guy the anti-theft system after locking others can't right away rain does not affect the use of the seat it is easy to freeze our ass in winter so also heating function if we are tired of riding can also stop at any time to bake food to eat that is the most human [ __ ] i've seen all night by far by far wow that is made human that is made human that is some human [ __ ] boys this is as human as it's gonna get i think it's as human as it can get to be honest i think we're almost done here hey schlaf welcome to my kitchen and also to friends because i'm friends baby welcome to the fridge everybody yeah in my kitchen i'm gonna make something to heat um i just have now two in my fridge so a little strange i'm gonna do this okay so here is the fermented beans [ __ ] you just opening the shitty styrofoam thing i'm putting some mustard french people [ __ ] disgust me this is a thing you you eat you're supposed to eat this and a bit of soy sauce i just mix the thing so it becomes like a face also here's my dog another one what's with the kitties you had it you really had it okay yeah that's the thing that's what i'm gonna eat today also something i find really interesting with your videos is that some people make jokes with your name like who shot i was gonna say thank you for not you know making a funny joke at the beginning so i i appreciate that the chat really funny because it's the same pronunciation than a french slang word for the p word that i guess it's tos if i go on to uh google translate chat yeah it does that the more you know i guess have a good stream does it really the [ __ ] french have been making fun of me the whole time man god damn it [ __ ] oh [ __ ] here we go no don't be cook i thought he was i thought he was gonna cook up the bird what is he's making he's making sh shall rambled eggs this is really bad man also good use of the copyrighted music we're gonna have to mute that he's playing the he's playing tequila right garnish it with an eggshell [Music] i'm at the end of my rope end of the rope this video is just titled yes hi guys today i'm going to show you how to make an omelette so first of all we grab a bowl yup grab two eggs i already cracked them open and then we're going to grab our salt we're going to throw it in there okay that's enough so for two eggs our pepper and also that's a lot of salt for two eggs man okay i think that's enough you think wha what oh was that me was that the was that the handsome filter on me dude was that just another guy that looked uh a bit scary all right yum this one's called yum oh jesus christ will it barbecue probably not okay oh [Music] i've lost it [Laughter] you like that one prepped it beforehand oh lord that's it stream's over everybody thanks so much for coming by all right hold on there's one more there's one more that came after it it's the last video it's the last video this one's called yummy ravioli hello schlatt welcome to the hey man best cooking oh [ __ ] no no no uh oh great i like that one comes in from i like gay men on tick tock thanks guys and that's all that's all we got for today folks wow

Channel: jschlattVODS

Views: 4,293,474

Keywords: Jschlatt, Schlatt, jschlatt stream, Schlatt stream, jschlattvod, schlattvod, jschlattvods, schlattvods, Schlatt Vods, livestream, highlights, jschlattlive, jschlatt live, Schlatt full stream, full stream, just chatting, schlatt cooking, jschlatt cooking

Id: okKyWJKu9k0

Length: 151min 45sec (9105 seconds)

Published: Sun Aug 14 2022