Schlatt Being a Drunk Driver for 15 Minutes Straight

oh brother you only arrest for the purpose of dealing with a felony that's committed and I don't count drunken driving as a felony we did it holy we did it God bless I always say it's the drunk crashes that get us in trouble they said a terrible terrible example for the rest of drunk drivers who who can do who I and and I'm gonna say this one more time this is not a pre-recorded stream like how would it even cross my mind to record a video just in case the queen dies so I could play it on that day that's ridiculous good work today Jay short make sure Joe Biden is next thank you Ben I'll keep you posted in that group chat did you ask her if she prefers unlimited bacon but no games or unlimited games but no more games it's actually funny she said she preferred to live um but that was not on the table um and I said just pick it's either unlimited bacon or uh first twin towers and now the Queen the first of Twin Towers are now the queen no comment on that and you know my birthday is soon you know it's like I can't I can't even enjoy it now yo my birthday's in two days so now it is nestled in between the deaths of the of the queen you'll probably be taken into questioning by this weekend so there's your B-day message less than three I'll be in a shell I'll be a bell I guess for my birthday I've totally forgotten how to drive trucks she didn't drop loot I didn't kill her come on don't hit it I say we go for Prince Charles next we are not making a list of famous people to kill guys I'm not responsible for any of it guys anyone who's upset anyone who's upset or like concerned about the amount of drinking I'm doing four is is chump change four four shots is is is Little Tikes okay this is the British royal pose we know what you've done we will see you shortly and there is no Queen of England yo [ __ ] what are we drinking today we're drinking Jack Daniels Tennessee Honey oh [ __ ] you he's not even looking at me you're looking off to the right yeah you better back up little [ __ ] ass can't you see the [ __ ] turning radius I need move [ __ ] all right what's your idea here want a cup of coffee thank you for inventing gay people you're very welcome I knew this world needed some something to spice it up you know straight people are just so boring [Music] but yeah I got pulled over one time for uh for for blowing through a school bus as the lights were on and as children were getting off of it and the cop pulled me over and he's like you know what you did and I was like no sir I don't know what I did both hands on the wheel no officer I tried pulling a little sexy I pulled my my collar down a little bit I like stretch it out so it hung lower and he let me right off the hook he was like you keep doing what you're doing buddy and I was like thank you sir appreciate it I seduced a cop is that what you're supposed to do I mean it probably helped I had my choker and cat ears on but uh hey you know we won't I don't usually like to talk about that fluffy thanks for the 15 Ding Dong The Wicked [ __ ] is dead no comment on that one how long do you think Biden Scott you'll think the queen Weston to Weezer do you think the queen listened to Weezer maybe it's entirely possible that it happened she could be a Weezer fan hey sweet thank God she didn't die on a Monday I hate Mondays dude Mondays suck oh [ __ ] we gotta back up here okay yeah no just cut me off I was going there we go what happened time out time the [ __ ] out is that a [ __ ] plane crash it is too close it's too close to be doing that man let's see we're a couple days away how do you do that first of all why is there an event for a plane to crash on a highway in this game second of all why do you make that the only time I've ever seen it two days away from the tragedy the VGHS Watcher here again yes we have more Jim beams Mike you're too good for NY but you know damn well your entire internet Persona is the New York accent [ __ ] you [ __ ] you okay sleazy tip from your buddy schlatt you ever get into an accident whether or not it is your fault the first thing you say is no what the [ __ ] is that a dirt path I have to turn down the first thing you say is not I am sorry you never say I am sorry that is a mission of guilt my friend you will you will go to jail you will get [ __ ] I'm gonna [ __ ] die I'm gonna [ __ ] die what am I supposed to do never say I'm sorry when you get out of the car even if it's your fault [ __ ] stop you're [ __ ] kidding me I can't even go up the hill I'm jackknifed oh I'm so drunk yeah go so I can complete the left turn oh you're not charging him you're not charging him how was the flight back to U.S after my victory I don't know I mean I I like flying I'm not gonna lie I fly first class these days because I'm filthy [ __ ] Rich generally it's a good time they give you free alcohol as much as you want too what they'll do is what you can do in first class you can say can I get like a double Jack and Coke and they'll be like okay they don't even ID you I'm above age I can legally drink don't get any ideas but they don't they won't ID you because you're first class and they don't even mix the drink they just give you a little tiny shots of it there's like two shots in the bottle so now you basically just have four what the [ __ ] is going on the road on the road how does it even land there there were two planes oh my [ __ ] God I have a UCF Showdown do not talk about the second plane has hit the Phoenix Highway Jesus Christ and it's kind of crazy that there's two of them that is kind of nuts I'll say it listen May no I'm sure I'm still shooting for March I still think I foreign how the [ __ ] did I do that this truck weighs like 50 000 pounds I'm drinking and driving but I'm doing it safely you know I was giving this Spiel before but the thing is it's not the drunk drivers it's the drunk crashes it's the people who kill people it's the people who make things hard for other people and me I'm fine this steering wheel is so small for my big man hands I also have to have it up like raised up so I'm like I feel like I'm like a you know how every woman drives like this I'm just kidding every old lady just kind of like all right can you guys hear me out for a second can we all agree can we all get on the same page in that if a person who's never had a chicken McNugget in their life tasted one they would absolutely [ __ ] hate it can we just agree that if you didn't grow up eating chicken McNuggets then it is the most vile tasting most strange tasting thing on the [ __ ] planet have you ever had another cut of chicken that tasted like a chicken McNugget that's because they keep the beak in there they grind up the whole chicken why am I not surprised oh it's a cup [ __ ] you [ __ ] you [ __ ] Jesus Christ maybe I am drunk already I considered myself a a heavyweight maybe it's changing I don't drink as much as I used to here's what happened when I turned 21 and don't make fun of me please guys do not make fun of me I had my first sip of alcohol when I hit 21. my 21 my 21st birthday and my first Sip and I drank one can of Budweiser that was in the fridge and I said this tastes like [ __ ] why am I not drunk and then my sister's like oh dude well you have to drink liquor and then she opens up her little like hidey hole of uh of of boots and then I start drinking that and then within the week I had already had an episode where I had to wake my mom up and I was like dude I threw up I can't believe I told that story I mean it's very embarrassing it's all completely dark it's like five in the morning I've been drinking all night and uh I threw up all over the rug too it was a it was the rug like a week after I turned 21. and then I stopped for a minute and then I was like wait that's stupid drinking is so fun this game reminds me of when my dog got hit by a semi-truck guess that's why you're a comfort streamer little yapping [ __ ] try to hear about that that whole dog thing that must have been a real traumatic did you even recognize him after the semi-hitter I mean what was that think it go back to that time in your head and think about what your dog looked like after he got mangled I haven't even started drinking guys I'm not drunk I'm just playing it up for the camera you know we you know we have to do these things we're streamers we have to you know once my driving starts to suffer that's when you know I'm drunk that's when you know I'm when I was in college I worked at an I.T call center on campus I used to work the phones like you donator basically uh we get the calls and I was the I was the star employee really there shouldn't be a story I'm telling on International women's day and the entire month of women celebrating women's accomplishments but basically I'll give you the gist they hired a bunch of computer science men to run it and then they also hired a bunch of like theater and and social studies and liberal arts women to also run it and there was a teacher who got so fed up with so bad dude there was a teacher who would call whenever he had a tech prom and the first thing he said the first thing this [ __ ] said every time he called was put me on the phone with a man I cannot even make that [ __ ] up and I was like my man what's up I was like what's up Jerry I'm not even kidding I'm not even kidding one of the girls that worked with me would pick up the phone and be like uh it's for you I love monk do you also like monk slatifier do I like monkey yeah I like I like monkey monkeys are great animals they're so like us but they're also so far away what the 44th President of the United States demands you to drive on the left side of the road or older to you what you did to those people in 1999. you know what Obama the second you said that a cop drove right by me so I don't know if I'm going to take that advice although that is what I did in 1999 and I had a great job doing it a great time I mean it was just so much fun hit the next cop you see Taylor Maybe I'm not gonna do that today is my friend Avery's birthday I don't care and watches you all the time that's awkward happy birthday Avery you tell me you guys Don't Close Your Eyes for long stretches on the road just to see how far you can get without killing someone what do you mean bro what what do you mean I'm insane this is very calming I might just fall asleep that's how my dad died sorry Ultra sometimes I have this self-destructive thoughts to crash myself while driving well should probably try and get those in check although I'm one to talk as I close my eyes for hundreds of feet at a time it's crazy how to get viewers at all because this has just been such a zero effort stream I'm just gonna cut this guy I almost just got shot to death here's how we do uh roundabouts in Texas by the way foreign going wow what if JFK's head just did that what if man what if his head just did that bro it's entirely possible what if JFK's head just did that and put that one in your pipe and smoke it Jesus Christ CIA was wiling you think the CIA did that one too on Twitter like a couple weeks ago for the first time in my life I saw this letter that the CIA had sent Martin Luther King Jr what the [ __ ] crazy [ __ ] yeah it's real too they tried the CIA sent them a letter being like yeah we know about everything you got we know about everything you did you better it was so weird it was like yeah you you know what you need to do we know you've been [ __ ] look it up seriously look up Martin Luther King Jr letter our government sent him a letter trying to get him to actually ridiculous [ __ ] like an edgy 13 year old yeah it was literally a Twitter post that said before it was cool always the FBI my bad different government branch you know sue me and that is a holiday about him yeah you're right so who won in these black did you know that it's illegal to own more than six dildos in Texas anyway great stream less than three I might be in trouble [Music] we've done it just like that boys we've [ __ ] done it we [ __ ] done it get out of the [ __ ] way get out of the way

Channel: Schlatt & Co.

Views: 2,938,034

Keywords: jschlatt vods, jschlatt, schlatt vods, schlatt, daily dose of jschlatt, jschlatt minecraft, jschlatt hardcore, big guy, j schlatt, chuckle sandwich, chuckle sandwich podcast, jschlatt chuckle sandwich, chuckle sandwich highlights, schlagg, jschlatt minx, schlatt and minx, jschlatt compilation, schlatt compilation, jschlatt drunk driver, jschlatt drunk driving

Id: J69wJRpulHA

Length: 15min 21sec (921 seconds)

Published: Fri Feb 17 2023