r/StoriesAboutKevin - She made a HUGE Mistake...

what's up guys welcome to daily dose of Reddit this is your host that just got a killer deal on some freaking blinker fluid that's right three freakin two gallon bottles for only 45 bucks each when y'all start freaking running out of blinker fluid like y'all did with hand sanitizer who's gonna be rolling in it this guy Zack and today subreddit azar slash stories about Kevin don't forget to Like subscribe and hit that Bell to never miss an episode this story's called is Jemma fat Gavin Kevin's transatlantic adventure I recently posted an experience I had in high school with a rather unintelligent Kevin whose stupidity was rivaled only by his libido the details of this incident can be found here in our junior year our French class went on a two-week exchange trip to France now I will say this my French was rather mediocre I only took the class because I needed language credit and I proceeded to spend my adulthood forgetting most of it myself pursued study of Mandarin Chinese has been much more fun and fruitful but if my French was considered mediocre then Kevin was the Nickelback of Romance languages hey hey hold up don't act like you didn't Jam to the Nickelback in the credits to spider-man in 2002 anyways the trip began early one spring morning at an airport by early I mean 4 a.m. we were all somewhat sleepy as we waited at the departure gate except Kevin who was bouncing around like a bunny with ADHD thanks to a pregame meal of moms caffeine gummies and three bags of eminence I was sleepily working on a shiny hunt on Pokemon Ruby for the interested it was a swellow and i did get it but not until a quarter of the way through the trip anyways that's when kevin shook my shoulders and bellowed at me we're gonna paris LP do you have any idea what this means Kevin stop freaking shaking me okay what does it mean lots of sex party boy and not just with girls from our class Oh Dada fornication under consent to the king I excused myself to the concessions where I purchased a few light snacks and a few issues of national geographic Kevon spent all of his money on vending machine potato chips not all of which fit in his carry-on bag I read that as crayon bag at first he ate the ones that didn't fit and spent the rest of the weight complaining of dehydration on the plane i sat between two friends of mine Kevin was in the aisle seat opposite of us his carry-on was a bulging satchel that had only fit in the guideline box after five and a half minutes of squishing and was filled with Playboy magazines a bottle of lotion mostly squished lash crunched snack foods and some Star Wars action figures oh and a pillow that had been folded so much that it was debatable if it would ever function normally again until Kevin sat on it for comparison mine just had a book my airport purchases and my gameboy advance the plane took off and Kevin screamed like a five-year-old at Disney until both one of my French teachers and a stewardess told him to shut up he then tried to strike up a conversation with a female mutual acquaintance seated between him and myself who I'll call Mel about how much sex he was going to have and if she would like to participate she wouldn't I talked to my friends for a bit until Mel decided to get some school work done in Jeremy another friend of ours who called dibs on the window seat like the little crap that he is went to sleep I resumed my shiny hunt both my Pokemon and Mel's biology were interrupted by Kevin pleasuring himself under the malformed pillow - a picture in one of his magazines as his seat mates looked on in disgust when told by teacher that he couldn't do that here Kevin disappeared into the planes restroom with a magazine until a line of elderly passengers formed in the stewardess had to intervene Kevin returned to his seat grumbling about adults not understanding the needs of today's youth or some crap late morning arrives the sunrise was a sight to see what wasn't a sight to see was Kevin standing up in the aisle and changing his shirt because the buffalo sabres jersey he was wearing was sweaty from a morning ranking and sloth them he put on a slightly cleaner jersey with a hole in the back and sat down upon spotting a few female students staring he flexed his bicep and winked kevin was crap at reading social cues later he offered Mel a pack of airline peanuts which had spent the past four hours under Kevin's sweaty rear around this time one of Kevin's seat mates asked to change seats with someone after discovering that Kevin's earlier Labor's had decorated his boots instead Kevin was placed between two French teachers early in the evening the plane touched down in France Kevin took an old lady's suitcase at baggage claim because it was the same color as his and the names looked similar they didn't I'll call the old lady gertie which is about as similar to Kevin as her real name is to his we regrouped at a bus which would take us to our exchange school the first week would be spent with host families kids and/or parents at the French school who had volunteered to host exchange students and attending the school to experience the exciting life of French high schoolers in week two we'd all get rooms together in a hotel and do some tourism type stuff basic foreign exchange routine as we walk towards the bus I noticed Kevin carrying a flashlight hey Kevin what do you need that flashlight for we're in an airport about to get on a bus this isn't a camping trip well fearless if you had done your research you know that France is on the opposite side of the world from New York know the heck it isn't that's Australia or some crap and what does that have to do with you strolling through Paris with a flashlight we're on the other side of the world buddy boy that means that it's dark during the day and light out at night so I have this flashlight I also have a sleeping mask somewhere in the event that a night goes by without any sexual endeavors on my part you can't argue with stupid so I left Kevin waddling along the sidewalk and caught up with Jeremy and Mel on the bus Kevin was looking excitedly out the window at female passers by saying disgusting things like the election is better than my wildest dreams and dropping pearls of wisdom such as why is she adjusting her code she looked fine without it attempts to open a window fails whimpers at the school I was informed that Kevin and I had the same host family they had a son our age who I'll refer to as Jacques as always not his real name as well as a daughter a year younger than us who I'll call an chevon fixated upon an as an object of desire at once and began regaling her with tales of his sexual exploits in a bizarre combination of English and garbled French euphemisms he picked up from a friend of jacque's whom he pestered for pickup lines Kevin told all kinds of stories like these all of which were disproved by his supposed partner the only one that was true was that his third cousin had given him a slow Bob on his 15th birthday Jacques quickly became disillusioned of Kevin but maintained his cheery welcoming demeanor at all times when they were together mad respect for Jacques our days at school went by quickly it was a good time marred only by Kevin's insatiable sex drive I swear there wasn't a single girl at that school who escaped his carpet bombing of any windows on our last day Jacques parents had gone to a movie leaving us alone Jacques and I were exchanging Pokemon and discussing our lives in French experience when Jacques went to go grab some food on the way he spotted Kevin peering through a slat in Ann's door one gut-punch later and Kevin ran out of the house he returned an hour later with an empty wallet and a ton of food from a corner store we'd visited a few days prior he then shared this conversation with me you know a pea he said French traffic signals are real baseball pitchers how so I was at the crosswalk and it took so damn long to change signals and there was a car parked on the crosswalk but there were no cars coming in that direction so I cut through the street about 50 yards back Kevin that's jaywalking which is illegal and a really freakin bad idea through a mouthful of crackers shut up mr. Lincoln you have the shame in my place it should be noted here that Kevin regarded the Honorable Abraham Lincoln as the pinnacle of human morality for some reason something to do with him rescuing black people from Africa I don't Freaky week to begins and it's off to the hotel I managed to get myself roomed with Jeremy and another friend of mine thankfully avoiding sharing a room with our hero Kevin spent his evening down by the pool making passes at everyone with breasts more often than not being shoved into the pool for his trouble according to his roommate he spent the whole night Johnny Gough and muttering the names of people he met at the pool we were setting out for the day when someone pointed out that Kevin was absent further investigation revealed that nobody besides his roommate had seen him that morning and by all accounts he hadn't left the hotel room one of the French teachers knocked on the door to Kevin's room and Kevin assuming it was one of the many females he'd given his room number to at the pool answered the door in the nude meat in hand with a bath towel fetchingly draped over shoulders his flabby figure glistened with water drops and the shower was running Kevin was wearing his most attractive smirk which quickly turned into a mask of horror as he flipped the towel over his head and down to obscure his manliness whacking the teacher with it in the process and the teachers only response was to say get dressed we'll talk later we spent the day touring part of Paris where Kevin shared his theory that the Eiffel Tower was an antenna to contact aliens and people walking around on it charged it up to emit signal beams at night cool story bro he also predicted Skyrim's ending in the early 2000s by speculating that Arc de Triomphe was built to hold a rampaging Goliath elephant during the days of Imperial Rome today I learned that the Roman Empire existed in 1806 as did Goliath elephants in France screw me we went to a cafe for lunch where Kevin asked the head chef for pizza and called him an uncultured taco chef when informed that no pari pâtisserie x' don't usually serve pizza i ate lunch with my friend Mel in this exchange occurred lovely day today huh sure is what with all the clouds this weekend I was worried yeah by the way this spagett is freaking huge pass that knife please oh you poor deprived child Kevin what are you on about if you think that baguette is big you've let a deprived life come by my room tonight and I'll expand your horizons after that Kevin wandered off to chat up a girl at the bar and be scared crapless by her six-foot-two boyfriend who was built like a panzer and had just arrived with a sandwich plate to this day that is the fastest kevin has ever been seen to move even faster than when he tried out for the track team in sophomore year later in the week we visited a few art galleries where no painting went uninstall' today esteemed art critic kevin stick at the 4th he went on a 15-minute tangent about Claude Monet in an attempt to prove our tour guide wrong about a Picasso good job Kevin he also urinated into an ornamental plant in one gallery because he didn't want to miss part of the tour he would have gotten away with it too had he not tapped a girl on the shoulder to show her his penis kevin was a big brained individual at the end of the week we were back on a plane early one morning Kevin was telling Gaulle who would listen about how he hoped that the plane didn't screw up my head sketch will like last time that's jet lag Kevin and it's totally normal when flying around the world on the plane Kevin began Oh God Kevin began abating as a master would as soon as the plane began taxiing this time he was seated in the row behind Jeremy Mel and I he kept leaning over the back of Jeremy's seat he and Kevin had the aisle this time as I had gotten retribution and beating him to the window suck at Jeremy to spout randomness yo Oh Pia Kobe told me about your shiny swellow would you trade it for my SAP tile it's not shiny but it's a starter you don't have oh you picked sceptile on that ruby cartridge and trade it over the other starters from your sapphire game and Jeremy's Ruby you're a jerk sometimes FP hey Mel if you get tired of those losers you can sit on my lap might be a bumpy ride though Jeremy are you gonna finish those peanuts I ain't mine in my seat mates and I'm still hungry Oh P can you believe that not one of the French girls sucked my peepee this trip has been a failure Mel's grandma came from France right well it's not authentic French but it'll do Oh V remember that tuna sandwich I ate well I didn't realize it because I was so hungry but tuna is a fish and I have a fish allergy he runs towards bathroom returns to seat in boxers puts on pajama pants the bus ride back to school after we touched down in New York was uneventful safer Kevin spending every cent he had left from the trip on candy before we left the airport and being on a sugar high the whole way home this was my last truly eventful encounter with his Kevin the fact of which I am very very glad I have no idea what he's doing with his life now but hopefully he's not screwing up society too much you're laughing now but Kevin soon grew up to be the President of the United States you don't even know who I'm talking about so don't get offended I could be talking about someone in the future past or present that is how you make political jokes without offending anybody or everybody I don't know anyway this this story was good very much Kevin among other things I really hope that was something he grew out of and I really hope I don't know just the psychological implications here and just the possibility of the stuff he can do in the future if he escalated his behavior it's concerning and it's hard to ignore that when reading these stories but it's still a good read this guy is a good writer in terms of just writing ability but for real that's really concerning because there were multiple crimes committed here right I'm pretty sure there were multiple multiple crimes committed and I'm really hoping this is somewhat fictional at least because that's better than the alternative of everything being true and him being you know a pervert and offender of sexual nature this story's called Covina uses household bleach to dye hair hair melts so Covina was one of my best friends growing up more due to proximity as she was the nearest neighbor my age sweet and funny Covina was also not the brightest bulb when Covina was born she had blonde hair naturally darkened with age Covina hated that so she tried Sun in her hair turned tangerine blonde she hated that even more so I suggested she bleach her hair as in hair dye I probably should have been more specific in retrospect however most 13 year olds don't need to be told that there is in fact a difference between hair dye bleach and household bleach Covina was excited said she was going to do it that night and go super blonde I was relieved and excited for her as I thought I was about to finally hear the end of the seemingly never-ending hair saga I went over to her house the next day there were tears in Covina's eyes as her mom was cutting off her hair in uneven clumps brights blonde bits were strewn across the floor like some weird broken halo my mind was racing struggling to figure out what led us here did Covina used too much dye leave it in too long forget to wash out the Sun in in some weird reaction occurred I asked Covina if she was okay and what happened through a mix of what was now streams of snot and those kind of tears you only get from ugly crying she said while Covina glared at me balefully the pit of my stomach dropped from a mix of guilts and fear guilt that I'd apparently destroyed my best friend's hair and fear that Covina couldn't handle this existential hair crisis as she was already super self-conscious about her looks as she continued to glare at me from under patches of hair that increasingly looked like a three year olds effort to cutting Barbie's hair I struggled with what to say finally I stammering ly mumbled in front of Covina's mom I'm so sorry Covina and as Covina I didn't think this would happen now they were both glaring at me great there was a long pause as my mind race about what could have gone wrong I bleached my hair all the time and it never looked like this what could have gone wrong was it the brand after what seems like hours of watching Covina and absolute misery just wanting to hug away my best friend's tears I asked Covina I'm just so sorry maybe it was the brand or something what brand did you use Clorox Covina replied oh well that was a much more lighthearted story than what we read before of course that could be just because of the Clorox don't forget to Like subscribe and hit that bell to never miss an episode [Music]

Channel: Daily Dose Of Reddit

Views: 29,621

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit funny, daily dose of reddit, daily dose of internet, r/StoriesAboutKevin, She made a HUGE Mistake..., she, made, huge, mistake

Id: fWQCq1wYY1o

Length: 18min 39sec (1119 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 07 2020