r/ProRevenge - I Told him to GET LOST

what's up guys welcome to daily dose of Reddit this is your host Zach and today's subredditizarre pro Revenge all right this story is called the homeless guy works here I am a corporate Headhunter of sorts I entered the family business when the reality of Life woman slapped me in the face I didn't know it at the time but it is the best decision I ever made I spent my formative years growing up in the midwest there I worked in the other family business which was the restaurant industry my family owned and operated two separate restaurants they were both mom and pop style restaurants and were pretty successful my parents decided to venture out on a limb though and shortly before I joined the army they transformed one of them into a gastropub it was outfitted with a hundred Taps of beer and a higher quality menu I was an adolescent poo head and worked at both restaurants the employees there were and continued you to be a second family I grew up washing dishes clearing tables cooking and exchanging stories with the regulars I enjoyed conversing with the regulars more than anything else meet Richard Richard was a World War II veteran and was one of three Sunday crowd regulars the three were all well into their 80s but quick-witted and smart as whips whatever the hell that means Opie I've reviewed the menu many times I don't need to see it I have a special request though yeah I need six black roosters make sure they are black uh dick the only chicken we have is dead God damn it Opie tell your mom I need six black roosters okay but for what a six black roosters yeah oh they're going to be pallbearers I need to bury a dead that was my Sunday routine for years as a child I loved working in the restaurant I was excited for the one to change change but I knew it would lose some of the charm and I wasn't sure how many regulars would stick around nevertheless the restaurant changed and eventually I joined the army home was now an afterthought I joined the army and started my adult life I have always been the independent type I never ride home and I would not expect a call from me ever I returned home shortly before my first deployment after that the speed of the army lifestyle wrapped its claws around me and I took a nearly two-year Hiatus for my childhood home I had just returned from another combat deployment I was eager to go home and see my friends and family I decided that I would meet up with an old friend on my first evening in town Nick actually recommended that we go to my parents Pub it was a Friday night and the place would be booming due to the proximity of a larger University I thought it was a great idea and I was anxious to return to my stomping grounds I still had my post-deployment beard and honestly looked more like a homeless bum I was out of give a loves regarding my overall appearance though I was not dressed to impress Nick and I had arrived shortly before six the place was just starting to fill up I didn't feel the need to get a table so we decided to sit at the bar I plopped my ass down and then was immediately approached by Sandy Sandy is a phenomenal waitress and had been with my family for nearly 20 years she was family we exchanged the normal pleasantries but she was more eager to relay some information fully well she would wind me up I have a knack for lovery though see that tall bartender yeah that's Mike he's a freaking butthole and he acts like he runs the place Sandy I'm a butthole that doesn't necessarily mean he's a bad employee he is responsible for running out all the old waitresses and I'm pretty sure he's giving away your parents money Okay sandy I'll watch him I plot my ass back at the bar and continue conversations with Nick I really didn't pay much attention to my I knew my mother was happy to have him on the staff he was formally trained as a bartender and had very high reviews from his past employers according to my mom he alleviated stress which is never a bad thing I mean when you put it in quotes it kind of sounds like it could be hope she ain't still married to your dad I'm kidding Nick and I proceeded to order and catch up we both order blue moons in the Cajun chicken in fettuccine alfredo we exchanged stories devoured our food and drank our beers then we waited then we waited some more Barky can I get another Blue Moon I will be with you in a minute he was semi busy so I waited then I waited some more he was with a group of three college-aged females he had already completed their order he had been talking with them for no less than 10 minutes this was no longer a business interaction Mike was clearly seeking an opportunity to hide the beef boss in tuna town and I was growing and impatient aside from Nick and I there was only a handful of humanoids at the bar the three College ladies another couple and at least four regulars that totals 11 humanoids at a bar with a hundred Taps which means the bar is still pretty freaking empty Barky can we get another round of Blue Moon I told you I will be with you in a minute with a smirk a freaking smirk actually the place to include the bar was now starting to fill up other people were patiently waiting now Mike was a statue the only time he moved was to offer the ladies a free round of shots Mike was classy I was not completely bothered by this until he gave them free shots of top shelf tequila this is not bar sites you give your free shots to pegging customers people who are going to contribute to the till furthermore you toast with tea or water when a patron buys you a shot then use those shot thoughts as future free shots in the end if done correctly you are not giving away money Mike was and to make matters worse he was doing it with a bottle of tequila That retails for around a hundred fifty dollars I was livid Nick suggested I call my mom I've been told snitches get stitches calling my mom was not an option she is a kind-hearted idiot really read no Mom it's called kidnapping if you want to get a sense of how oblivious she is oh might actually read that sometime furthermore I am a sociable butthole I am capable of dealing with problems I may completely and utterly disregard proportionality but I can deal with my own problems Nick you want a blue moon yeah if that stupid person ever comes back don't worry buddy I got you I should mention the cops yes the freaking cops it was a Friday and this Pub was well as established college kids drink college kids specifically men are on the hunt for anything with two legs and a ham wallet or squishmen vagina people they are there for the good looking ladies the average ladies and the swamp donkey or stable Gator ugly lady yikes bro that's mean the cops know this the cops are also familiar with the drunken penis measuring contest which typically occurs in the parking lot so the cops set up a speed trap on the highway across the street in the furniture parking lot and merely wait for the Post Pub Shenanigans back to the story I depart my bar stool in route to the bar entrance it was on the opposite side of nickina I lift the bar gate and proceed my way to the Blue Moon tap Mike was oblivious he was still enamored with the intellectually gifted and freshly minted 21 year old crowd of three I'm not saying every college kid is an idiot I overheard their conversation though these women were I poor Nick and I our drinks I fulfill the order for one of the regulars and 10 to the couple Manhattan too easy two beers too easy I'm in the process of making my way back out to freedom and I am jolted back by my arm it was Mike he is clearly aware of my presence now I must admit he was much taller than I thought he was I was nearly dangling by my tiptoes and I could smell the 20 bucks worth of free tequila permeade from his ball washer hole his mouth what the hell do you think you're doing behind the bar getting drinks you're freaking out of here man and then quite literally tracks me out to the door I'm not freaking leaving man I'm gonna go back over there sit back down and finish my beer look butthole if you don't leave now I'm going to call the cops freaking call them look he points to the furniture store parking lot they are right over there your freaking Choice Mike you're freaking fired I'm freaking fired who the hell do you think you are Mike then attempts to shove me through the front door we are now making a scene in the hostess and head chef are now present Mike is laughing hysterically the chef is telling me to leave and the poor scared Hostess is dialing the cops don't freaking touch me I'm not going anywhere let's just call the cops and have them sort this out although we were clearly on opposite sides of this little predicament everyone agreed that calling the police was the correct answer dear reader it didn't take long I looked through the window and see a beautifully lit police cruiser making its way to our location well screw me right Mike chef and Hostess get to the cops first they are explaining their side of the story which I must admit sounds pretty believable mostly because what they were explaining is exactly how it happened a belligerent butthole took it upon himself to serve himself alcohol the story checks out meanwhile the other officer put me in handcuffs for everyone's protection fair enough I suppose I just wait patiently until I get to explain my side of the story imagine a circle full of mostly pissed off people and two cops imagine one of them in handcuffs sir did you go behind the bar and pull yourself alcohol yes sir you know you can't do that right it's illegal no not really sure yes it is in fact illegal not if I work here not if I'm an owner I am addressing the group is this true no doesn't work here why don't we ask Sandy she's been here for nearly 20 years she'll vouch for me Mike now has an odd look in his eyes the laughter has subsided rapidly why don't we get Sandy over here Sandy arrives ma'am this guy is saying he works here is that true yes that doesn't mean he works here just because a waitress says he does why don't we just go to the office and look at the employee roster Mike the smirk has re-emerged sure let's go to the office our merry band of disgruntled loves and two cops make their way to the office it is now the moment of truth how are you gonna get onto the computer it is password protected can you please remove the handcuffs I know the password how about you just tell it to me and I top it my three boys boom that computer jumps to life we are now about to explore the bowels of the employee files oh wow look at that owners Dad Mom op op brother wand Opie brother two Mike clinging on for dear life just looking for driftwood to stay afloat that doesn't mean you're him officer can you please remove my wallet for my back left pocket and get my identification they do and now Sandy has my mother on the line the cops would like to talk to her thankfully they kept the conversation brief his op name your son and is he an owner yes I am now removed from the handcuffs the cops kindly excuse themselves to allow me to run my Pub the reality of life now woman slapped Mike Mike like I said you're freaking fired now get your crap and get the hell out of here or I will call the cops I point they are right over there in the parking lot Mike was stunned the reality of what just happened in karma cookie he bit had not yet digested the look on his face was priceless the lights were on the door was open but nobody was home it was blank dismay please I moved here from Chicago I just bought a new house a new car yeah Mike well it turns out I don't give a crap get your crap or wait to the cops Mike collected his stuff and left I had a brief huddle with the rest of the workers that were currently there I kindly explained who I was and that I am not typically always a prick but Mike just rubbed me the wrong way then I did exactly what I told Mike I would do sat back down and drank my freaking beer The Fallout well my mom was freaking pissed I mean really pissed and threatened to remove me as an owner my dad is more rational due to our shared line of work I convinced him to hire a company to audit the liquor they did turns out Mike was given away nearly 700 a month in free booze it was merely hidden by the success of the restaurants and that fact that my mother was too hands off to notice my mother would later on kidnap my child according to Legal definitions so I think we're quite freaking even now okay now I really want to read that story lastly Mike I hope you never read this not because I want to save you the grief of reliving this life-altering ordeal only because I sincerely hope you are too poor to have access to the internet screw you Mike this guy's so funny um op I like your story thank you so much for sharing I'm gonna read more stories from you sloppy I scream that's the guy user sloppy ice cream good story good writer I like this guys personality really cool I'd be friends with this person as long as they're kind of mean and standoffish all the time but like they got a heart of gold under that nasty exterior that's the kind of stuff I like cause like if someone's a jerk to you and jerk to people all the time and like it's kind of indiscriminate you know that's the thing you know everyone has a thing if everyone if someone is too perfect and there's nothing wrong with them that they show you that's how you gotta be freaked out about if someone's a jerk too to your face that's fine it's like with that one dude from uh Fallout New Vegas I think said it's like uh I don't trust people that are too neat or something like if you see a dude who walks around with his pants on his head all the time you get what is you get what that's his thing you know what I'm saying X is quirk if you will and so that's someone you could probably trust with your life unless they outwardly display uh traits of someone who's not trustworthy but I'm telling you if you see a dude with pants on his head you can trust him with your life unless he's on drugs then you want to stay away alright there's a fine line between being eccentric and being a junkie alright this story is called the hurricane seat so I work as a Blackhawk crew chief in the U.S army a small part of my job involves ushering people in and out of the aircraft getting them seated and helping them fasten their seat belts most people regardless of rank are pretty respectful when getting on my aircraft they comply with orders I give them and usually don't cause much of a fuss however during my time in Afghanistan I had the absolute pleasure of transporting one of the most entitled first sergeants I've ever met he wasn't in our direct chain of command but rather he was a company first sergeant for the task force we were attached to he had been giving my co-workers an eye grief or most of the deployment as we were the black sheep of the task force but my own company command couldn't do much to stop him one day though he had to make a trip to another base a couple hours away and I couldn't help but notice that he was the only passenger I set my plan into motion the morning of the flight I took out the whole row of seats between the crew chief seat and the back so he had to sit against the back wall of the cabin I opened our cabin doors and put a bungee cord on them so they couldn't shut I then only left one seat down so he had no choice but to sit there it was a very specific seat affectionately known as the hurricane scene what followed was the longest two-hour flight of this man's life it's like being strapped to a chair in a wind tunnel for hours on end I know because I've sat there before I looked back to check up on him throughout the flight and all I received were deathclares in return after we dropped him off the pilots and I had a good laugh about the whole thing and went on our way never had too much trouble from that guy after that that is so freaking funny I love that oh my god oh man that makes me think of those hurricane simulators that they have in like shopping malls those are so fun to go in I've only been in them once though but I just I'm I'm picturing this it's a pissed off officer just giving this dude a death glare I was about to say the s word as his craps just flying all over the place and he's just standing there boiling ah good stuff thank you Opie don't forget to like subscribe and hit that Bell to never miss an episode [Music]

Channel: Daily Dose Of Reddit

Views: 3,767

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit funny, daily dose of reddit, daily dose of internet, daily dose of memes

Id: 1DH_KNXieDU

Length: 17min 43sec (1063 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 25 2023