Ron Swanson: Master of Seduction | Parks and Recreation

hello Ron hello Ron's friend Tammy what could possibly bring you to a children's performance preparing a ritual sacrifice of a newborn no just trolling for some daddy oh sorry I pronounced that wrong trolling for some Dad D ladies and gentlemen and especially the ladies put your hands together for the one the only my man Mr Duke silver I might be fine holiday evening to you all it might be cold outside but it's about to get warm all up in my jazz I of course am Duke silver and I would like to dedicate this first song to my Duchess [Music] you're so lucky I'm going to kill you [Music] I'm a simple man I like pretty dark-haired women and breakfast food but this stock photo I bought at a framing store isn't real today I got the real thing a naked Tammy made me breakfast this morning I should have taken a picture of it whale tail whale tail she's flashing a whale tail abort abort hello Tammy hello Ron see you come in I was just checking myself for skull Ario just like somebody else I know jerky call off the dogs you and I both know that in my entire adult life I have never checked a book out of the library oh my God she's amazing oh I admit there was a time when that sort of behavior would have driven me wild but I am in a healthy relationship now a relationship with him a lovely intelligent self-possessed pediatric surgeon named Wendy sounds like a real come on Leslie you know I'm not a sexist I love powerful women you do attend a shocking number of WNBA games they're getting really old and I'm an only child I just feel like the right thing to do is to move back home I'm sorry to see you go I've really come to think of you as companion hey I don't suppose you'd want to move to Canada no I don't suppose I would this award is the only one I'd ever give a damn about I made my first chair when I was five but the quality of the wood was wanting so when I turned nine I used my factory wages to purchase some beautiful local Walnut uh thank you for this uh this all good night good uh there it is if you're here to complain about the pothole I guarantee I did it correctly actually I'm here to ask you out for this really well I hope you're not the kind of man who needs to ask the lady out I'm a middle school vice principal I don't screw around does that freak you out no on the contrary so dinner please and thank you well it'll be casual no need to wear makeup I begrudgingly admit that the 3-1-1 program is a moderate success I'm still not sure why the citizen decided to come speak with me in person but I'm just happy to see a government program finally work alert alert alert alert she's here isn't she does gosh I never dreamed you'd be here Tammy this is Diane Diane this is a piece of human garbage named Tammy who is also my ex-wife Trice ex-wife we were married twice and divorced twice everything is done they're totally done Tammy what are you doing here oh I just have a little something I need to get drilled strippers do nothing for me I like a strong salt of the earth self-possessed woman at the top of her field your stuffy graphs your Cheryl swoopses but I will take a free breakfast buffet Anytime Anyplace I have decided not to attend this year okay first of all it's disturbing that you wrote a memo at all but you love arguing against government spending why do you not want to do it now Leslie please the government knows what it's doing I'm confident that I'll ouchie you and I are going to lunch we have to talk let me just call Tammy first and get permission oh come on Tammy I was wondering if I could go to lunch with Leslie terrific bye he says I can't go you're going to lunch with me I say you can go oh gosh I'm really in a pickle now oh my god um [Laughter] [Music] lemonade please and thank you hey I'm sorry if I was Curt earlier I'm a single mom and sometimes things get chaotic around here when you showed up from the parts department no need to apologize I understand completely this is delicious I got it from food and stuff so that's where I got these gloves right so how exactly are you gonna fix this hole just for my own edification uh I dug the loose gravel out of the hole now I'm using a jackhammer to remove the larger pieces then I'll spray down the hole to settle the dust and fill it with cold patch asphalt well thank you now I can fix the next one myself prawn and Diane sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-s-s-i-p-p-i you hear that bird so your arrangement with Wendy it really was completely platonic yeah never so much is even kissed except for a little Peck at the wedding ceremony for appearances uh now that you're getting divorced I sort of feel like there may be some potential with me and Wendy would it be okay with you if I was to ask her out once the fake dust settles yeah um why not sure looking at her I feel like she might be the perfect spooning size for me gonna take a leak she's near Hey Ron so you two are together now my condolences to both of you you guys were supposed to vote for me lastly I would never do anything to help you you've always been against me and Ron you're a big part of the reason that he and I aren't together and I had to settle for this placeholder I love you so much so you thought if you voted for Ron you could actually win him back yeah that's right to work baby all right horny with gratitude [Laughter] you two more than deserve each other good luck Ron there are some things I want to speak to you about but I'm not quite sure how to phrase them just blurt them right out Leslie anything you say will stay between you and me right my love stop fidgeting sorry I was hoping to speak with Ron alone he wants me here he invited me Nana don't worry Leslie Tammy's totally cool oh okay then I'll say it to her you're evil and you need to go Leslie you are a panic Tammy may I use the restroom remember to wash your hands you need to fix this it's not that bad nobody got hurt it's extremely bad I love this woman and I just want to show her that I'm capable of watching her children without something horrible happening what did you just say you love Diane no I did not yes you did that is so cute for God's sake Hanson will you please focus on the larger problem s girls I don't know what you think you heard but please don't tell your mother what you incorrectly think you heard [Music] I love nothing okay here's what I'm thinking I was gonna wait until our anniversary take you somewhere romantic perhaps in a canoe most likely in a canoe I actually built a canoe for that purpose but given the news and given my significant feelings for you now seems as good a time as any Ron Swanson Diane Lewis will you marry me yes on one condition anything my love ask me for anything in the world and I'll give it to you except a destination wedding just the opposite we'd both be married before I don't want anything big or elaborate in fact the smaller the better I assume you can deal with that are you kidding as far as I'm concerned we could go up to the fourth floor right now Swanson did you tell Tom that you were gonna ask out Wendy it's complicated what is wrong with you I wish I wasn't alive to hear myself say this but I am ashamed to be your Deputy I don't get men if they're not wagering their girlfriends in pool then they're trying to steal each other's wives it makes you question the whole notion of those Bromance movies Tom great good okay could you carry him out of here please and you know also maybe not have sex with his wife thanks he weighs eight pounds [Music] hello my name is Ron Swanson I believe Leslie knoke may have left some kind of scavenger hunt clue here she did one second [Music] gentlemen [Music] enjoy your evening at this very moment Leslie is throwing herself in front of a freight train named Tammy for me and you Leslie is a wonderful loyal friend who's very important in my life but I would sooner visit Europe than I have something romantic happen between us although if you would like to visit Europe I like you so much I'd be willing to risk it not France right now see you know me pretty well already [Music] it's been like this for hours Leslie congratulate us Ron's got one just like it on his penis [Music] what the hell happened to you well [Music] baby I got it you may now kiss the bride [Music] oh it's been kind of a crazy night um I in this municipal government building I found a Justice guy these are the marrying people this is Carl hello Carl my fiance and I would like to get married right now right here haven't I done a quickie wedding for you before it's certainly possible but this one's going to stick I need your full names for the license Ronald Ulysses Swanson Diane Tammy Lewis Tammy your middle name kidding it's Elizabeth let's go Carl hey let's pump the brakes Carl okay belay that order Carl shortest possible ceremony I'm tired of not being married to this woman do you Ron Swanson to be your wife certainly do hold on to you Diane yes I do she said yes okay power vested in me before you Carl just one second I would just like to give a short speech if I may you have 10 seconds at first glance it may seem as though Ron Swanson and I have nothing in common but Webster's Dictionary defines friend thank you Leslie I could tell where you were going with it and it was going to be beautiful I Now Pronounce You man and wife great job everyone the reception will be held in each of our individual houses alone I'm not gonna let you just on you're just gonna happen [Applause] yeah do your worst Glenn you're gonna have to do better than that yeah oh that's enough hey baby you almost had me again but seeing you pick on this pathetic defenseless little man hey reminded me what kind of a monster you are you're a joke yeah last night I faked four out of the seven [Music]

Channel: Parks and Recreation

Views: 1,400,028

Keywords: Parks and Recreation, parks and rec funny moments, parks and recreation funny moments, parks and recreation bloopers, parks and recreation theme, parks and recreation kim kardashian, parks and recreation ron, parks and rec, ron swanson, april ludgate, leslie knope, who broke it, patton oswalt star wars filibuster, cones of dunshire, nick offerman, best of ron swanson, nbc parks and recreation, parks and recreation ron swanson

Id: 2i5rpTVLNBE

Length: 15min 51sec (951 seconds)

Published: Sun Jun 11 2023