Jean-Ralphio & Mona-Lisa not being suspicious for 12 minutes straight | Parks and Recreation

so I need to ask you something and I kind of wish John rafhael wasn't here please tell me that you're dumping my sister because I would laugh I would laugh so much actually maybe the opposite is this yours no no yeah it's mine I'm pregnant lemony naked oh my God are you serious I'm going to be an uncle is that a real thing is that going to happen no no that's too that's too much responsibility for me I got to I got to find a new way out of this well I wish you told me I mean obviously we need to talk about our future maybe I could sell the business and we could use the profits to put a down payment on a house or something or what look at your stupid face you had a dumb dumb face that was hilarious that was hilarious hilarious hi mon Lisa hi I'm an Perkins I used to date Tom oh okay we can do this but I will bite you is that a screw drip no I do not want to fight no okay I just want to talk to you woman Toom because I know Tom pretty well do you know his ATM pin cuz I cannot crack that little bitch's coat I don't you know he used to drive me nuts he's a total control freak I mean you have to put a coaster down on every surface and the worst part is they're all made out of pictures from Diddy's Instagram Diddy's on Instagram how did I not know that Diddy was on Instagram you jag weeds who are you yelling at the Jag weeds why are you still in front of me what up big T stop this must be the lovely Donna a Shante listen beautiful let's cut the bow right you want this I definitely want this th wants this let's seal this devil's three-way right here right now step one we buy into this club step two we roll over to the club either in your mercedesbenz or my pre-owned Acura Legend step three I dagger you on the Dance Floor Just Bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce now all the L saying bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce what do you say sexy I'm out why I hate that guy hold up I will do John Mayor again Daddy someone said a fire in your car because you took too long and I got Lord money please oh no no there's no money oh my bad no problem that's fine um I'll just destroy this office hey money please Ben give her some money it's easier I have done nothing wrong ever in my life I know this and I love you I love you too Daddy money please my money Dr Sabin your son is my best friend he's like a brother to me but he's a disaster and your daughter seriously needs to be locked up in some sort of insane asylum on an island in space Oh D it is kind of a sausage party in here for the record would hit it would hit would hit hard pass Tom who is this person this is mon Lisa sain my new sales associate Mona Lisa sapperstein does that mean oh yeah she's Miss sister my twin sister from the same Mis thank you so much for hiring monolisa it means so much to me even though honestly she is the way she is the worst person in the world huge skank terrible but thank you it means a lot Jas oh my God yeah I know I know I know hey Sean ralphio how's it going it's going good I'm actually right here for an appointment getting a Brazilian by the way there is a woman over there that is unbelievable her name is Kim when she rips it off she smiles and it makes you feel things throw my name I get a referral discount if you don't mind okay I heard somebody resigned in disgrace my question to you is how you making that paper oh well I've interviewed around uh but I'm actually about to take a job doing inh house accounting for an accounting firm almost fell asleep during that sentence okay let me get this straight you would be an accountant for accountants yeah so at this accounting firm you would have the boring job are you nuts this is probably the first time you've had off since you've been Kid President true or false true why don't you use that time and go after one of your passions like model trains or like or toy Gand offs or something why you jump straight to model trains I mean it's accurate I'm going to tell you something that I once heard from a very very smart woman named Kim the lady who waxes you she told me if you don't love what you do then why do it then you RI the hair from my bee hole hold up my dad said that yeah John rapio he told me that I had screwed you out of my business so he was going to screw me back any idea why he'd believe such a thing is so weird that is so oh you know what honestly now that I'm thinking about it this may be it I actually told him that Renta swag was my idea and that you had stole it from me why would you say that because my dad is always riding me for never having a job and I just didn't want to show that I blew it again oh and I don't know if this is relevant but I told him that you made me sign up for a bunch of credit cards and then Max them out by buying illegal white Jaguar fur coats that's probably not relevant though I don't know all of this lying about me stops now this is my life please one of you has to tell him the truth not it oh you got me uhoh uhoh uh uhoh uh uhoh okay F Ronald I've done it I found your assistant and he's dope his name is Jean ralphio Jean rafhael Big T Mr Swanson two things one it is an absolute honor to meet you two who is that hot intern chick out there because honestly damn uh take a seat right here we go so John ralphio you got him right here leave a message after the beat why do I want you as my assistant for starters access to the illst club and that's just for starters I will work for you I will be on you 24/7 I'll be like your family I'm here when you get here in the morning sure enough I'll be there tucking you into bed at night don't worry it's not gay do we have questions I think our only question is uh when can you start right now let's do it thank you for coming in we will talk cool I feel good about this I know you can hit me up on Facebook anytime day or night you know that right take care buddy boom so what do you think of your new assistant I want to punch you in the face so bad right now what okay message received I'll keep looking thank you bring me the opposite of him you know I think it's great that you're cool with Tom's financial situation what are you talking about Tommy owns his own business yeah but he had to borrow a lot of money and when you're not around Tom drinks tap water what excuse me you're broke uh yeah super broke are you upset about that M yeah cuz I don't f with pories but thanks to a warning from my new best friend I don't have to okay we're done you're awesome and I don't even usually like Puerto Rican chicks I'm not I mean it shouldn't matter but I you're breaking up with me oh man that sucks that's right it's over let's go down come on you love us tell me you love us and then admit this guy looks like Beaker from The Muppet that but seriously what are we doing here though like what is no knows now you know the truth will you back off no I will not stop Yes this all started as Vengeance for my children but the company is making money now why would I back off just cuz these nink and poops lie to me all the time no I'm not going to back off I'm going to continue and I'm going to crush you all right you twoo are you in for dinner tomorrow night yes daddy s me a kiss got it I love you Daddy love you Daddy General hush child for one second hush hush hush hush hush will you do me one final kindness will you pretend to be my wife for an insurance scam but then we fall in love for real also can I have a pair of your gym socks and don't worry it's not for anything weird it's just a fetish I have John ralphio yeah although I truly hope that I never see you again I do wish you a long and happy life today we say goodbye to Jean Rio sapin as per his last will and testament we will now listen to his favorite song bend over by Lil John featuring [Applause] [Music] tiger okay okay they bought it they bought it do you have the insurance money no don't no don't let's hit it bro time to start a casino in a about this is the best idea you've ever had no no no this is God's idea I'm just the vessel just sneak out of here do not be suspicious don't be suspicious don't don't be suspicious be suici don't don't be suspicious don't be suspicious don't be suspicious be don't be suspicious don't be suspicious be supicious so you're not pregnant this isn't yours no do you know how many different pills I take birth control or otherwise there is no way that I could be pregnant with a human baby thank God yes Tommy has his life back let's go what the hell is wrong with you man that's my sister nah I'm just kid kidding man she's the worst you dodged a bullet baby congratulations guys this is the most important night of my life which means this the most important night of your lives too speak for yourself I once got into a cab that Kira Cedric was getting out of no way the closer it's opening night let's do this hey butt wieners look who I found D no your father ruined my last business why would you bring him here because you told me to look for VIPs and my daddy is the BP I know I love you Daddy I love you too angel money please please Craig we're going to drink actually that reminds me boss man I need to leave early today because my shrink got me and him tickets to a Pitbull concert and I already committed to that and so if you say that I can't go it's like you're taking something away from me um store's really busy I kind of need you to stay I totally hear you um I also don't like what you're you're saying so if you say no I will start a fire in the bathroom okay I guess you can go yeah I know I can what did I tell you huh the worst she's the worst in the world John ralphio how are you

Channel: Parks and Recreation

Views: 275,073

Keywords: Parks and Recreation, parks and rec funny moments, parks and recreation funny moments, parks and recreation bloopers, parks and recreation theme, parks and recreation kim kardashian, parks and recreation ron, parks and rec, ron swanson, april ludgate, leslie knope, patton oswalt star wars filibuster, cones of dunshire, chris pratt, amy poehler, aubrey plaza, andy dwyer, chris pratt bloopers, leslie and ben, nick offerman, parks and rec compilation, nbc parks and recreation

Id: pB0v6-KhTKk

Length: 12min 36sec (756 seconds)

Published: Fri Feb 16 2024