Robin Williams USO Routine

and probably greatest comedians and actors of Our Generation but not only is this guy a great actor he's a great [Applause] humanitarian and uh he's been over and visited the troops multiple times we've been together here last year for the Holiday Tour this has happened before all right I'll just turn over the mic you guys please give it up for Mr Robin [Applause] Williams good evening T inde right now the microphone guy going what the [ __ ] he's still going it's working it's working God damn it it's working look at that I still see the airports open that's cool it's uh no tourist traffic yet but soon very soon the Twa people will come back the big [ __ ] building that's [ __ ] up [ __ ] up you [ __ ] [ __ ] the building up come build this [ __ ] place back you come you drop one big bomb in the hanger [ __ ] gone [ __ ] bom hit the Tanger boom hey and then gunship boom welcome I was I've been this is my third time and [ __ ] the roads are the same I love it when you walk down here the the dust will blow and eventually you'll [ __ ] an adobe brick it's like oh my God you can build with that don't waste that don't waste that brick it's nice flying in there we flew in a C7 big plane can fit Pamela Anderson there it's nice plane even with the titties she makes it in the other times I've come on a a C130 which is a great plane if you're [ __ ] deaf I beting the d130 thank you for the ride it was nice being with you that's a nice plane you open the back you're going the plane's going to [ __ ] me oh go off the back Mr Williams please stay with your last time I was here they said just stay on the path you understand why the mine basically it was a three-legged dog going don't go off the [ __ ] path stay on the [ __ ] path stay you still have those dogs the bomb sniffer dogs and the dogs look at me like smell nothing it's okay it's like the dogs that smell drugs at the airport at the end of the day the dog's over in the corner going I found some coke I'm okay now I can't taste my ass though what's wrong so crazy you have a [ __ ] Pizza Hut not open it isn't open oh that's nice so you can't get pissed off when's the delivery next year I ordered a pizza [ __ ] you a MCA come drive through what I cannot drive through yet no a pizza had it's not open they just put it up there like it's like it's a prophylactic [ __ ] I like propol mean when they first had everything went down in America everyone was buying all these gas masks to say in case of emergency get the gas mask on [ __ ] man I can't get a condom on when I want to all of a sudden be like this going godam it baby maybe don't fail me now man come on stay with me honey I love you don't quit now Timmy don't quit now we got it on there looks like a [ __ ] in a bathing cap I can't get anywhere man it's not working I don't know I know you're not supposed to say [ __ ] but um you're supposed to say little person I am 5'7 I'm a little person that's a [ __ ] [ __ ] and if you piss off midgets they'll be waiting on the side of stage going you [ __ ] you [ __ ] [ __ ] right in your balls [ __ ] every time I come here I always check out my special forces people all over there there they are the guys that look like heavily armed Amish big beards [ __ ] Special Forces I mean Special Forces they gave me a gun and I big gun and I have dress I go in the hills and I look for alqaeda I kill him bring him come back back bring him back now the Special Forces guys over there going [ __ ] yeah [ __ ] up you won't even know you're dead man who is it you'll never he's over there to last time I when I first came it was a wild thing because you just come there just invaded everything was kind of still women were still dressing like beekeepers and then they dropped that stuff and now it's like hello baby things have changed very much changed to come back now it's nice to see the camouflage is kind of uniform here you have most people oh something we don't know it's scary when you see a guy like hey how are you how are you special forces guys are still over there going dude serious that's our compound don't [ __ ] walk in there dude we are heavily [ __ ] armed I love it when they go out on patrol they go out for a long time they've got full Gaba but a Yankee hat that's when the guy go I did AF Yankee [ __ ] they're big dudes too they can open a door with their [ __ ] nipple how you doing kill you with her dick and you won't know [Laughter] it I was kidding song guy was going oh than these are got all these people in the special camouflage you have a amazing desert camouflage which is great you also have sometimes you'll see other countries that come last time I was here there were no regions in forest green which was pretty [ __ ] ballsy I love that idea of going um excuse me there there not that many trees and we have them there's just two [ __ ] trees in this part of the country so good luck if you want to hide behind it like Elmer fud and go be very very quiet I'm looking for terrorist sometimes that in the fashion show then the Marines always have digital [ __ ] camouflage yeah Marines were in digital camouflage I step in front of a computer screen you cannot [ __ ] see me I have disappeared there's between Marines in kindergart kindergarten doesn't have access to artillery [ __ ] you moving on thank you all down here it's also nice too that you still have uh MREs meals ready to excrete that's great basically a meal that you put it in your ass goes I'm going to hold on to this I'm going to try and make a diamond in your colon look what I made scary [ __ ] oh my god oh what' you bring oh fake [ __ ] beer oh God man this is like jerking off with an oven [Laughter] M anybody got an opener go over the Special Forces guys we've got everything the army that fascinates me are the Swiss the [ __ ] the Swiss the only people go into combat with a knife that has a wine opener I don't know but I've been told sh must be Serv cold okay can we anybody got opener oh thanks boss the hair thing is going well he's cut an open he's like got it right there of while you're waiting it's amazing now just one little tiny taste there God bless Twist Off T it's a Twist Off he's an officer it takes him a [Applause] while it's a Twist Off oh there it is gu's coming with everything now [ __ ] bayonet open a bottle of beer it's like day two even the bomb dogs are going give it to me you [ __ ] wolf wolfsteiner a fine deuts beer yes this is I'm good beer we had four of these and took Poland [Laughter] wow like your own urine hello Timmy's glad to be here wow that's just [ __ ] want where to come for a good cocktail Kandahar yeah that's like a Nerf vibrator whoa good luck with that [Music] one oh man a lot of you guys have been here a long long time huh like oh yeah you go home on leave it'll be like honey I'm home I love you baby baby don't walk away it's going to be a little scary though oops now follow up with a chaser it's like an Amish shooter water with a fake beer back oh as guys if were so easily amused ask women we're just like with the tits it's like how are they pretty pretty pretty Miss Miss is so beautiful those are real titties those are amazing yeah those are real they're not the ones that go fake tits are like hood ornaments they're like they stay in one place the woman turns the tits are like yeah real tits when it's cold chicken's done and guys go right for they're going just let them out let him out of the bra God damn it it's like Rodeo ponies come on let them out and then were're like little kids like pretty pretty pretty what are you doing that hurts [ __ ] yeah take one you want me shoot it [ __ ] what do you have to drink 800 of these just to go I'm all right then you write your name all over Afghanistan damn that's fine boy oh it's it's obviously got a head on it too be careful let wor CH says do not drink this ever never [ __ ] touch this [ __ ] be be very careful it's nice too that you it's one of ours dropping off this is a it's a you have the only Christmas trees which is great to have in a Muslim country way to go it's a great thing to have them like here each Christmas in Afghanistan and basically Santa's up there with night vision goggles looking down like this got two elves on door gunner see them yeah use the force Luke don't be afraid you fun Shelby Afghanistan fake beer sucks is awful is can't do bad no waiting none can we now no there's people over there where are you from you have different camouflage I've not that they are Koreans here no where Romanian Romania welcome good luck with the election I notic the prime minister went from being very handsome man to WC Fields be very careful watching be careful now there's also do you have any Australians in last time I was here they're Australians [ __ ] great people got no ozone but [ __ ] off it's all right Prim someone's jamming us they a signal send up a [Applause] helicopter they have the helicopters you're flying overhead and I love those guys when you you fly with them they're on headsets they're connected to each other around Alpha strap on this is Vector dildo Vector dildo permission to [ __ ] Target permission to [ __ ] Target I got the money shot we're in the cream Zone moving on come on home Big Daddy come on home and the tankers I know that that's pretty much like subsonic porn you know that tanker big tanker up there put the pole in the hole coming through like there's a little guy in the back you know you want it take it take all of it [ __ ] suck my fuel suck my fuel take it do you have predators here they have they still have those around here the the base basically the flying dildo is that around I know that's the guy there with the joint flying away dropping I've spilled water this is scary hold on what are oh those are unit Flags God damn boy neither that or they're [ __ ] Spears they're looking around going we're a little underst staffed right and you have your Hummers here I see the got them folks in direct they're looking for pieces of Steel if you have any extra steel send it on down there's people in there people in Tennessee going I'll build you a [ __ ] truck Tennessee yeah I'll build you a monster [ __ ] truck 25t wheels [ __ ] run over a m you go what was that ain't no big deal you can shoot from it get Bass from it [ __ ] it it does both big ass not like the French they the tiny cars the little cars they have no guest they do the little cars tiny things like this French car has room for a French family what husband wife pack of smokes the French are the French here FR okay [ __ ] it let's talk about him oh my friend Lance Armstrong competes the to to France he wins six to to France and the French are still going he's on drugs it's chemotherapy you ask to he has one testicle he's aerodynamic [ __ ] you do it do it right oh [ __ ] off go ride Lance ride cancer boy this year was a little scary there were angry Germans and which is kind of redundant and they were Spanish and they were spitting as the riters went by and they went how the [ __ ] can we deal with this I know let's bring some Raider fans over W let's let's equalize this bush [ __ ] and the French war is getting pissed off they're going [ __ ] you I don't care you Americans you you you crash crash Americans [ __ ] you look at what you do we don't care for you but look the Germans are here hello Americans come come my friends I look we build a Disneyland with Minnie Mouse with armpit hair come come and the English are here too now that are there any English left [ __ ] they're grouping together God bless your country your royal family with all that money and no dental plan where to go God Save Your Grace God willing there no we're still here Mr Williams the English are always very much at War when they're like no we fight and then we relax have a bit of tea and move on and they're all they've also have the Irish the Irish are there with them sometimes with the [ __ ] pokes that I love that are Scots [ __ ] Scots are is he yeah we know who you are Jo I [ __ ] see you he you speaking English where you need a [ __ ] subtitle to understand you I know who you are going into the combat wearing a [ __ ] skirt you should be ashame with your penis hanging down there for the world to see going there playing the bag pipe what's that it sounds like you [ __ ] got a cat put your finger up his ass you're Scottish hi Sean con I'm Scots and I save the same [ __ ] accent no matter what movie I'm in I'll say the same thing God damn it you know what I'm saying I'm a Russian [ __ ] submarine Captain same guy I don't [ __ ] care you drink man you could [ __ ] drink anybody under the table the English have a couple of cart kills and go lovely night nice ass but no well the Scots will [ __ ] drink they'll drink and just do wild [ __ ] that's how you can invent a sport like golf he here's my idea for a [ __ ] sport you whack a ball into a Goofer Hall don't like pool [ __ ] pool you work it miles away hundreds of yards all like croquet never F cro the little [ __ ] sport no you get out there with your wood in your whack away with your little pie of broken wood till you feel like you're going to have a heart attack oh [ __ ] that's it we'll call it a stroke and then you said give a piece of wood and be moving around there whacking the B life that's give me a tire iron [ __ ] there we go whack the hit the ball move it around banging the ball oh [ __ ] you feel like you're Timmy the damaged boy no again here oh we'll call it a handicap play on Jimmy play on whack the ball boy whack the ball and then we'll put [ __ ] in the way like trees and bushes so you'll wander around like a damaged dog going I'm playing golf yes and then at the very last part we'll have a little bit of shaved grass it'll look like a Brazilian [ __ ] way to go hey and a tiny flag to give you hope but then we'll [ __ ] with you again we'll put a pool in a sand trap to grab your ball and you'll whack away for days and finally put my be in the hole is that it that's the game no 18 [ __ ] times hey you can dress like a pimp and no one cares because that was a sport with the white man the WASP these guys are going dear Christ it's our game even the alligator's going you're an [ __ ] until tiger Crouching Tiger hitting putter son of a black man and a tie woman the white men are going oh my God how did he learn to play we didn't let him join oh my God what the [ __ ] is that and then they have a nightmare that worst nightmare is a golf cart going y yo I'm playing through [ __ ] coming after you yo that's it baby keeping it real they never worry about golfers doing steroids they're not some big ass golfer going I can't see my putt baseball back in America know sing like baseball players are doing steroids mhm and Barry said it's just flexy do oh yeah yeah it's flexy do shoved up your ass at 800 mil hour going up like a balloon going are you doing horse hormones no way in the Olympics there's always people testing for stuff and did they ever ask the Ethiopians are you doing drugs [ __ ] no I'm looking for food you [ __ ] got to look for food I run 15 miles I don't have a Volvo [ __ ] off get away Catfish Hunter pitched a baseball game basically on acid and that's a ballsy move that was basically just like the balls coming back like how are you doing I'll see you later [ __ ] there's The Catcher in the back worship me scary but true I want to warn you if you get tattoos be very careful this is just a little warning uh oh are you tattooed oh yeah but if you get the Well if you get in English that's great if you speak English very good now if you get the kanji tattoo a lot of guys in you know heavy basketball players are getting these big kanji tattoos also if you come when you come back home you'll notice that uh NBA basketball games uh hockey games are breaking out it's okay people like who would want to piss off a large black man I wouldn't want to go to a game and go y [ __ ] you it's like walking into a bull ring with a shirt that said I eat your mama but if you get the tattoo with a kanji you know our friend had a tattoo and I said what's it say it says Golden Warrior and I brought a Chinese friend and he said it does not say go on Warrior it says ass monkey major ass monkey right there and he had another tattoo over here with Sanskrit and ancient Hindu language and it was like what does that say oh it says powerful soul and my Indian friend said [ __ ] it says deliveries on Monday so essentially you're an ass monkey who delivers on Monday for the rest of your [ __ ] life graise yourself boy you know what I'm saying I come here tonight to talk to you briefly because I I come here I actually look forward to this and the one guy over one special forces guy said you're [ __ ] crazy but I had to come back I wanted to come back just for the pizza I said honey we're going to Pizza hey you know the best fake beer in the [ __ ] world is in candahar but no I come back because I love meeting and seeing you guys checking out the peeps and seeing the changes there are a few I like that and to Mee know that Afghanistan is changing and it's going to be amazing and you have done an amazing job and I know I know thank you bird call but I know that things are changing and you did it and uh at first people going you can't do this and I think so they had an election 8 million people registered to vote yeah so if you're up in the hills [ __ ] you excuse me [ __ ] you [ __ ] you [ __ ] off [ __ ] off [ __ ] off from down here in kahar with the [ __ ] up airport place over there [ __ ] you the big [ __ ] you [ __ ] you and at the same time eat a little [ __ ] so I want to wish you and after that I'd like to say Merry Christmas you guys are go right let me finish my beer here I'll down this fake beer and just well there's one lonely woman thank you thank you any woman who's going to hit on the monkey boy thank you people say don't wear fur I go [ __ ] you lady I am fur I love with the ladies on Fifth Avenue and people come up and say don't wear fur and they go do you know how many animals I had to [ __ ] to get this fur so shut [Applause] up so I wish you this merry merry Christmas I've been three times I will come back cuz I think we'll be here a few more years you know that you guys will be gone it's always a new graduating class thank you Kender har High ker har High our football teams over here yeah Robin that's right go long bastard thanks to the ride on the C130 I I hope one day my ass will relax it is amazing too thank you it's been an amazing thing and you are the best that's why I come I as I hate to quote MacArthur but I will be back and like they say it ain't over till the fat lady sings but I it ain't over till they stop blowing [ __ ] up so yeah you I love you guys Merry Christmas Merry Christmas happy happy Ramadan you you are [Applause] the let me drink my sa beer oh man up [Applause] man

Channel: Cody Sullivan

Views: 718,520

Keywords: Robin Williams (Celebrity), USO, United Service Organizations (Nonprofit Organization), Comedy, afghanistan, Kandahar, Kandahar Airfield

Id: OeTItrsqdJ8

Length: 27min 7sec (1627 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 12 2014