Rick Glassman and Agents of Chaos | TigerBelly 259

all right so rick in this podcast i don't know if you've seen it before but i don't want you to say anything until i bring your name up because i do a little an intro and all that stuff so you know what i've been yeah sure uh sure you're not really a director but i'll listen to it it's my show but i've watched a few of you here in my show i've watched a few of your episodes uh just in this setup alone and every time you say that somebody talks i know i don't part of this i don't like it i don't like it i'm gonna do what you want because you know what what you came on my podcast you helped me out i'm gonna do the same for you why the attitude so early on you can't see because my mask but are you smiling i'm yeah you're ecstatic and if you could push in you'll see the hearts on my eyes okay do we have that technology you can send it to me if you want because i'm going to do a little uh i want to bring a little take your shoes off flare so we'll be cutting to my dad's rug commercial at some point i'll send you the footage [Laughter] yeah i'm nervous about the history power dynamic here oh there is no is it fruitful well we'll find out right after a word for martial rug gallery bobby could you look at the camera and snap and say and we're back and we're back yeah snap yeah the worst rugs in america and we're back oh okay well no no no no no no no no it comes with bed bugs and lice and fungi you know he he gets you know his dad gets his rugs from bangladesh and they're used rugs he doesn't wash them he sells them outright and they have [ __ ] people's feet up for sure the only thing i heard was fun guy and that's right at marshall red gallery we are just a bunch of fun guys with high quality from synthetic sick whatever man i'll get you sick put the [ __ ] commercial in hey claw oh yeah yeah so you can't believe what he just did at kalila he brought his own earphones he brought his own mic he unscrewed his mic he unscrewed he he [ __ ] wiped everything down with his own toiletry his uh wipes he's very paranoid do you live close by right right you can talk now we're not shooting oh okay i'm sorry but when you walked in i just became speechless we'll be right back with the word for martial gallery and we're back his dad owns a used rug factory well it's not you know what yeah bobby toll actually told me this a long time ago and i kept asking him why aren't you calling rick and he was like well he's because go go ahead he's going to hound me about the podcast again if i if i do you feel hounded i'll never ask you again oh you're on it worked oh you mean this i've only asked you a couple times for this 50 you know what i know the most unattractive thing you could be is defensive especially when you're somebody else's home so i'm sorry you're right yeah but if you ever want rugs with no strings yeah except for the fringe on which is all decorative yeah yeah you let me know yeah or you let me is he really um wow okay yeah go ahead uh he's not a rug guy i'm super big into rugby yeah obsessed me too you're obsessed i hang him on the wall i want to hang rugs on walls yeah like in the like no you know what it reminds me of godfather too remember when uh young uh fredo not fredo remember when the young when brando played the young what now brando when dinero played the young brando what was corleone mike um no don corleone right yeah and um he helped steal that rug from that other house spoiler yes if you haven't seen it it's crazy you know it's like saying you know darth vader is luke's dad father is what you would say i i know but you know bruce willis was dead the whole time he also had a headache the whole time it depends on what i know what movie um six six so what do you do you you i'm not i've shut we chitchat for a little bit until you feel like we're hot and then i quiet i'm just trying to no i'm just trying to get gather the uh my levels my levels feel a little low and bobby's a little high i don't know what you guys do in post but it's distracting to me yeah yeah yeah yeah you want to okay here you go you want a little higher hello yeah that's not high enough yeah this is good really can i have mine a little higher please you we have to put you down you spike the yeah yeah my mind's not high enough well you have to be more consistent your number your number is higher than rick's right now a little higher please i feel like rick has a more consistent um yeah yeah he's one-dimensional he's called flat he's vocally one-dimensional yeah you're and you're smart and great all right go ahead five four three two i'm a fat old man i'm a fat old man i'm a fat old man living in this world gonna die real soon um welcome to another episode of uh tb um wow what a beautiful day huh kleiland had therapy earlier it went real nice with our therapist with a couple session yeah say her name i mean the lady the lady the lady she's a great lady we talked about um foot fungi how you're mad about that and i think i have to talk to rick about this i want to ask what clip clip my nails but um we got gilbert thank you so much you're welcome it was just like and then nothing came out you know yeah and then we've got george my man my main man well um very excited about today's guest i'll tell you why him and i you know i don't really have a lot of friends but i do have some close besties and i would have to consider him to be one of my besties him and i have uh i've we text every day wow every night he says goodnight and texts and i we we do these long like you know what i mean where did you read one the last one don't talk until i say your name i was just testing my levels go ahead i'm sorry all right so anyway uh every night every morning goes good morning i go what's what's your plan today buddy and he tells me and then we go back and forth these funny banters at nights him and i have gone to the himalayas and done free rock solo rock climbing oh yeah him and i um we heard animals fantastic hurt or heard we've both heard and heard the good kind of hurt don't talk okay um he really is um somebody that no he is somebody that i just wanna really know on a deep level and you know people ask how come this person has not been on tiger billy before well he's always been so busy you know he's actually been on a short list of mine i have i wrote it down of names of people to be on my podcast and as you can tell you know hand it over to him well we i don't wanna you know i mean but you're on the bottom there yeah who's at the top tom cigarette it just is a list of you know a short live stream people i love why is mine the one that's biggest and in the brightest color it says rick gleeman glissman this is rick glassman though that's what i meant and it's rick with just the k no c yeah yeah so anyway you were on this list and um so this is proof that i've always wanted to do on this podcast i yeah i'm here i believe yeah yeah yeah you're here even though we asked you last night my point is is this um you also said you want to get to know me two seconds after you told me to shut up yeah yeah yeah he has a one he's like one shoe pod osp what's it called take your shoes off take your shoes off take your shoes off podcast i've done it as well yeah oh what a glorious time i had dude i love you so much yeah you what you don't talk until i say your name we already did i know yeah let me just get to his credits jesus christ actor okay comedian wow comedienne right he is a um that's it like those two things son oh yeah friend some son of a father who has you know son of a father the father who has a uh he also rugs fun guy yeah real good drugs we'll be right back no no we're not we're not doing that we're not doing that but um i love you so much his name is rick glass i'm giving him a round of applause what a wonderful thank you what up well uh first of all thank you so much for having me on this podcast one of the biggest and best podcasts not even comedy podcasts just one of the biggest and best podcasts ever thank you for inviting me into your home and uh it's my first time here i know you've been here for a little bit you haven't finished hanging everything on the walls but i did bring a gift for you i know things are weird with touching so feel free to open it later you've seen me at the gloves the sanitizer i bring i'm i'm clean you're disgusting i'm clean so i'd like to give you this gift okay okay he's taking something out of the bag something out of a bag it's a real gift it's a real gift it's a round of applause yeah you moved into a place yeah yeah just give it to put it over there oh yeah rick thank you so much what a nice that's the first give home what do you call those things housewarming we've ever shaped like an ipad i'm excited so if it's less than the ipad you're going to be a little disappointed it costs less than an ipad but it it's more it's like anything what are you going to use an ipad for it it's a bigger phone you know this is something that an ipad can't give you and you almost spelled my name right did i spell it wrong i how do you spell it how did i spell it how do you spell it i like that version better how could you read it from here babe how could you not oh would you like george to open it now or do it later oh we'll open it should we open it now yeah let's open it now i want to open it you want to put it in this gloves and you could open it no i don't want it to open i don't know touch it because nobody's going to touch and then scratch his nose yeah don't touch it don't have georgia will it detonate george you open it right wait wait wait hold on what are your guys opinions on services here dry surfaces um it depends if you're someone like me it doesn't matter what i touch because i don't touch my face enjoy the gift thank you it was that simple yeah it was that simple very simple yeah yeah don't read the card now or later you can read it now please read it now i'm going to read this yeah all right okay here we go oh it's an asian guy is this an asian guy or a jewish boy what's the difference we're all one person wow very good wow i enjoy it spelled my name right inside though yeah i spelled i'm not a good speller in bubble letters the only thing i've ever written in bubble letters until today was happy birthday to be honest the best with bubble letters all day it's what i do all day i doodle bubble letters all day but you know what i do i always you know what i've always done with the eye i always do a big circle eye yes you've always wanted a big circle eye how do you do your essence okay wait wait stop stop was that a racial joke about my [ __ ] slanty eyes it was a racial observation okay and touche thank you you're welcome wow kalyla and bobby thank you very much for inviting me to your new home it's just needy and desperate i know how it's needy desperate it's gross i know how difficult these times are and how important it is to distance yourselves from others not real let me i'm going to comment after every line okay okay may i comment after i airline not real doesn't mean look what you have to put up i have i like my podcast is literally on the balcony now i mean it's very difficult i saw that with esther outside what a pleasure it is to be able to safely and practically enjoy your company on one of the greatest podcasts of all time exclamation marks the only one in the thing that's nice okay as a thank you underlined i want to give you both something that will make you happy and there's a sentence here that's been redacted yeah i'll tell you what it is yeah it can is there any way to uh i could tell you what it is oh no no no you're gonna tell me what's in here no no what was redacted the reason i read it i can read it oh but i want it's important it's important okay also please remember to give me your shirt sizes so i may send you i may send you high quality take your shoes off merch oh high quality wow keep reading oh podcast merchandise which you can get at rick glasses yeah i see why that was ridiculous yeah because i didn't want you to because i i am making a joke nobody if anybody wants to check out my stuff they're going to do it they don't need my website so it's just a joke but i didn't want you to think the gift was a joke so i took it off because like we'll do jokes throughout but you really but here's the deal bro right yeah my instinct there was a way to hide to delete it so that we couldn't see through the fin a little light there no it's important it was a little light so i explained my logic it's important that you understand this this was thought out yeah yeah now the the the best move would have been to just use another card which i'm not gonna waste another card on so i didn't want to cross it out and make it think like you guys felt i had a secret on you so i was giving you the option to know listen this is not important you don't have to read this if you want to i just want to be completely transparent with my intentions in the beginning pressure of the sharpie for you to redact something but just enough so that i'm still able to read through yeah okay two things take a look at where it says bar mitzvah and i crossed it off and what does it say oh it says just a little victory dance for your not bar mitzvah your new home now on the not bar mitzvah i crossed it off with a thin sharpie just to show the cross off is kind of like um uh honorable right it's just may make an argument nope the other redacted part was a thick sharpie with four lines four so i legitimately tried to hide it but i also didn't want to like may make an argument that was like a light brushing though you didn't know it might have been subconscious it might have something especially on rick glassman.com a little light especially on white rick glassman.com a little light with a c right all right r-i-c-k g-l-a-s-s-m-a-n.com a little light we're hold on bobby wanted to interrupt uh our fun rapport with a bad joke go ahead okay it wasn't gonna be a bad joke it was just gonna be an observation and that's an attack on me and that hurts it's an attack on me and it hurts right all right i'm just saying that when i buy a card which i bought many which i've bought many okay back off is he a card guy more than a regular person i'm not a car guy he's a gift card guy i'm a gift card guy you know you would think somebody who was so well i think my point of cards would have gotten make my own housewarming hey you [ __ ] you gonna make my point yes all right so for instance you know what i used to do as a joke when if i didn't like somebody if it was somebody's birthday i would go to um you know a store right a card store or sometimes i would go be lazy and go to cvs because they have a card section and if it was like you know my buddy's birthday i would go to the grandmother section right and get and get silly right yeah grandma for your 98th birthday it'd be some sort of fun thing right yeah and we would giggle right but normally like if george if you had cancer and you were dying right i wouldn't do that i would pick you'd be picky i would no i would pick a card appropriate to your situation okay i see what you did was you had a bunch of because you're jewish you had a bunch of bar mitzvah cards at your house so it's not a little asian boy yeah it's a little jewish boy right there okay and you just crossed out bar mitzvah put new home in there i just find it to be a little lazy i also think i also want to comment on your edges here rick yeah well i do appreciate the gift and the card yeah i'm not before you open it i want to rebuttal both of these things let's let it go open the [ __ ] thing your edges take a look at the other side i like the taping the taping is um symmetrical right the edges it's like everything was intentional one side was bobby one side is you i thought about all of them look at the other side edges you know why because this was not cut by you this was cut by the company who made the paper i cut all of it no doubt it doubt it what are you talking about this is the edge of the roll and this is what you cut thank you of course when i started to cut the edge of the roll it wasn't a new wrapping paper hold on once you use wrapping paper once everything just like when you [ __ ] up why can't you just accept the lie just accept it why do you have to argue everything what was you she's an investigator all right okay she's a and she's very good at this kind of stuff my friend also i'm gonna show the camera exactly your um your your cutting work on the other side right these are your edges rick i i really dropped the ball guys yeah and i'm sorry and next time i will wrap both edges for kalila instead of one for bobby one for you okay now on to the real gift get that [ __ ] away from me okay what is it's a justin timberlake book hindsight and all the things i can't see in front of me yeah look at it look this picture it's very cool he's one of the greatest entertainers of all time i believe that is a i think is that a re-gift from your podcast no yeah yeah do some research who gave this to you nobody yeah i bought a few of those there wasn't really gifted you bought two of these why isn't that so familiar i was never gifted this i give i've given this as a gift to some people what other guests uh i gave one to larry charles you've worked with larry larry's did your podcast twice wow i i really like this i gave one to uh lamorin morris that's the one i said esther uh will smith who i'm very excited to put out soon and i gave one to jackie tone wow so much how the [ __ ] did you get smith i have been getting very very cool guests on the podcast and i just reach out to people uh a lot of times the move i do is i look at people that they follow and then i send them that episode to say so king batshit did mine and he follow will follow him i send that and right so will smith is coming out soon okay great so um thank you for the book we love him we love it we love photos and it's going to be a good book i'm going to keep it down here yeah you know and i i usually take my like real bad shits down here so i'm going to um that's going to be the book for that now that we've got started i have to say yeah my girlfriend is such a big fan of yours and she was doing yoga here she lives in london and she was here in january and was doing yoga and saw you there i know who she is how do you know she is she she might be the only lady with a british accent in my yoga class yeah but she she probably only was in it with you a few times no i took a class through three different times there was a uh a woman from london who was really sweet and cute was she cute yeah she was cute yeah yeah and it was like mild chit-chat after oh she i didn't know that she even talked to you i think i thought she was too scared to talk to you oh maybe or maybe i just heard her speaking and i was like it must have not been her because she's not cute she's beautiful the most beautiful woman i've ever we'll be right back with the word for martial art gallery yeah yeah hey guys we're gonna take a quick break to share one of our favorite products that we use here at tiger belly quip quip quip you guys i you know i haven't teeth missing because i'll tell you why i've i've never really enjoyed brushing my teeth until the last year when as soon as that we got quip because i we we i use it personally i look forward to brushing my teeth i love the way it vibrates i love the size of of the toothbrush it just makes it more exciting i know i feel like i'm getting a deeper cleanse on my teeth and my gums it really has completely changed my oral health yeah and also it's like you never have to worry about when to get the replacement heads or when to get um the toothpaste equipped toothpaste it comes to your door delivered to your door yeah and um good health starts with good habits quip makes it easy by delivering all the oral care essentials you need to brush and 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get quip dot com slash belly spell get quip dot com slash belly quip the good habits company easy enjoy the rest of the show and uh she texted me and she said uh that you're there and she wants to say hi and and uh and it didn't happen and this is like the end now i have with you to tell you that so next time betty maybe you know okay i'm sure it'll be a while it'll be great um i have to say this i want to give you real compliments because i you know i like to be um jokey and i have defense mechanisms right with certain people yeah but there are times where i can be vulnerable and there are times that i can be um a real person and so um i would have to say this that there is you're a real in comedy you re you are a real enigma and you have you've taught me a lot of things okay and um you're just a guy that showed up one day and you were in everyone's lives and then you worked pretty quickly right what i what i find mesmerizing about you is is that when i found out that you got undateable yes i it was like almost as if it was like my my it was my 9 11. it was my night yeah it was my it was the kind of feeling of like what the world isn't right right people are crazy it's crazy right yeah and um then i did some investigating woody blow what investigating what how you got the show who did he blow it did he blow robert greenblatt the president of nba i don't know right but then i realized right that i did some investigating and the first two things you auditioned for you got almost right the first one what was the first thing you auditioned for in terms of a show it was called uh the assistance and did you get did you get the show or did you want to you would test no i tested for it right so number okay imagine imagine going out for your first pilot right you probably because you had not done anything before that had to do a cattle call kind of a thing where you had to do a casting director you didn't go straight to producers right it was a casting director and then you they got called back that day it was call back that day that day okay so you got called back that day right yeah and then you tested for it you didn't get it the second thing that you auditioned for was undateable and you got it i nailed it yeah i know you nailed it but don't you does that hey gilbert does that very unlikely star where are you i've never just moved here and it happens i i have a theory the why why happen we've cause we've talked about it i've talked about it with a bunch of comics right cleveland cleveland what what i just want to be respectful of every i want to take my compliments by while also acknowledging sorry what is cleveland that's where i was from yeah i interjected i did a mild a very um sneaky interjection i asked a question while you were giving him praises and then he answered by waiting for a pause all right that's how you book shows by the way you do your scene somebody in the back sneezes you wait for a pause bless you you go back to the scene you acknowledge everyone yes okay but what what and i've talked to dalia and a bunch of people about it you know how you got the show and um it's you the the consequences or because when i go into a show and audition right i go oh my god this is not gonna happen you know i mean it's all the cards are stacked against me right if this is one in a million all those negative thoughts right but this kid has always been just he doesn't have those kind of thoughts he has an idea of what he wants and he just does it like this podcast that you have you're just that type of person like you're relentless asking me i mean i could read our text messages right yeah read it yeah i mean don't read all of them i'm going to read all of them don't read the the private stuff there's no private what no there's no private issues here you know if you want to read the stuff hey congratulations moving to the neighborhood do you want to go to mennonito farms do you want to take a walk i hope everything's okay that's my next question yeah why every time i go to mendocino farms you're there i am maybe i'm just this is coffee and bobby was saying nice stuff to me but that that you said that feels like such a compliment i didn't even know you knew who i was i always see you there and i always run may i start this oh you know you find certain things yeah and then it's like oh that's where i go for two months yeah so like there was a few months section where i was there like four four times a week they even put my podcast on their fan of the day board and it was hello so maybe you've seen here hello cleveland okay may i start this yes wait hold on hold on that's not our text messages what is that yes it it starts here don't go that far i want to go for it it will cut it out if it's too long get the date what's the date on we'll just go back to the last few months okay let's go no i don't i don't want to well i'll go back for it this is my podcast october what 26th this year yeah oh great okay you're not going to skip anything no i'm not i want to read it all the way through hello bobby can you help me shine hello bobby can you help me shine i love this guy and i can help you shine hmm interesting proposal my response i swear to god who [Laughter] [Applause] right and now there's a you know fleece screen an essay there's an essay i want to read this i want to hear that me and you shining podcast come over have me over give me advice let's write a sketch let's talk about life meet my new girlfriend make jokes about your penis and that get embarrassed because you feel like a hack did i really write it is that real did i write that yeah yeah let me buy you mendocino for me this is why i bought it because they give me free food they don't see no i don't and then you go the last thing you say is talk to you in december right the next one is that was on october 26th this is october 28th two days later yeah and then you this is your dad you just now this i'm not i have not returned any of those right your next one is your dad giving you a text and then you're telling me what your dad said screenshot right yeah i am watching bobby lee to a lead guest role in magnum pi he's good yeah my dad talks to me about about seeing you on the road and then my dad no response from me right here's another one from you my response november november 5th now okay so about about a week and a half uh yeah yeah i'm going to record eight mini holiday episodes to be released one at a time during eight nights of hanukkah the eight nights of tyso that's where you've seen some of these guests you could check i'm going to decorate my apartment full holiday holiday style i want them all be previous guests of my podcast would you be one of them come over 20 minutes in and out thinking i'm going to record them this month so i can edit them over thanksgiving holiday and then no response from me jeez november 21st right what you just do a handshake i mean right here we go december 8th no response permit would you mind for me who you get your merchandise from not the design but the manufacturer printer nothing december 18th i'm feeling really uh i'm feeling like i'm feeling really like i think i don't know for sure what the feeling is i think it's in it's embarrassed i know i that's fine we're going to talk about it i think i feel like i might we might cut through all this because it might be dead air but no no no no i just want to read through it i feel like you shouldn't be embarrassed no you should be embarrassed i'm embarrassed no no no i feel like you're hanging like that i'm embarrassed that i i consciously made the decision to keep talking to you i know let me finish them all right now that was now here we go december 18th hey bobby you also read it like i'm like your brother yesterday and he filled me in on how hard of a time you all been having sweet very very nice i feel bad i've talked with you about pod stuff and didn't pick up on any of the obstacles you were having good that's a very good angle good guy that's what i liked about it the shift because you're trying different angles being congrats on your move to i hope you're well oh it's so sad if you're up for getting food sometimes mendocino no podcast stuff i'd love to see you and kick it oh i should have responded to that but i didn't uh january 7th next year january 7th now yeah okay that's this year this is 20 20 now yeah 20 20 now let's get lunch you live so close to me right nothing yeah january 15th literally nothing no response oh my god it's just yeah it's just all him yeah that's what i love about him my girlfriend just texted me that your girlfriend is in here right now oh here we go should i ask my girlfriend to try and network with your girlfriend in an attempt to get all four of us to go to manchester united are you sponsored by that what nothing no response i feel so shitty i feel bad but i'm gonna keep reading yeah uh january 21st and then why clap why not the claps you know i mean what do you call it oh like emoji like why aren't you why not write me back he does a clap putting his foot down you're putting your promotion there now so now march 7th yeah which by the way you can people pick up on this is a week before pie day uh uh so january 4th now march 7th bobby come take your shoes off again next week oh that i can't read what i just read here okay i can't i don't know what it is but i'm going to cut that out is it something embarrassing for me or for you it's it's embarrassing it's it's embarrassing for you uh what what could it be i can't do it i don't want to do it i'll tell you later on after the pogba he has his he hasn't saved your head oh yeah yeah yeah it's it's a conversation i don't want to have right now i i respect that it's a conversation i don't want to have right now but you know what it is and i don't and i want to have that you want to cut it out then yeah no no no no i'll just do it now and then just cut it out yeah ping this all right ping it right here i said um this is okay i want to just say how rude i am okay oh i know why you're not saying what you're not why you're not talking about it why all right yeah no i'll just say it well no i i i'll explain why you're not going to say it by just this way it's something that is uh uh not embarrassing for either of us i mean no but it's just it should not it just shouldn't be talked about your god give me the phone it's i said oh correct correct yeah but if you want to know more head on over to rick glassman.com for the answers let me finish this okay so good call good call march want to get coffee you live so close and i have two friends thinking about going to the farmer's market march 8th you just sent me a photo of mendocino farms hey bobby how have you ajk been what does that mean what how ha ajk translation rick uh asian jewish kind you guys isolating it's scary out there are you guys still recording checking out it just keeps going and going and going listen you send me photos of us this you sent photos of us together very sweet i feel i want to apologize real quick okay go ahead so you know by reading that no honestly put your phone down by reading all that i'd be a little less aggressive on your apologies go ahead i think that's the reason why i don't respond to you i see it's that attitude do you understand what i'm saying what i'm dealing with interesting has it always been like this with you two so bobby doesn't respond to people is that fair or is it just me no it's i don't take it personally across the board yeah i don't think the only person that he responds to is paul banks shout out to paul banks by the way we'll put his instagram handle up here so bobby once told me at the comedy store i'd like to give bobby a compliment now nobody thinks bobby's funny i don't mean you're not interesting nobody finds you particularly funny and uh you and i had a conversation what that's about i was shocking you're very funny you're one of the funniest let's be sincere yeah if we're gonna beat if we're gonna [ __ ] do this yeah you're right we're gonna [ __ ] you you're right it's it's hard to navigate it's hard to not you have to appreciate it's hard to navigate over i'm literally looking at you through a glass i understand that but we're performing while also i don't know who you are i don't know who you are i don't know who you are i've known you for over a decade bobby yeah i still haven't met you wow wow no no that doesn't mean now that doesn't mean i don't love to play with you my language is play but a lot of times people don't know when you're joking when you're serious to me it's it's all the same so you and i sit in that pocket well but then every now and then when i make a joke that you think it's not good timing i think no you're right you're right but also i don't know i'm scared bobby i wanna i wanna i wanna do well with you with the audience yeah while also connecting because it's not like we could ever go to [ __ ] lunch because anytime i ask you you ignore me i think i think we have um the truth is the aversion to mendocino farms and you comes from something very specific that has that you're not aware of i'm i believe i want to make you aware of oh please yes please so there was this one time when bobby and i had just heard really bad news about a house that we wanted we fell in love with a home and when they did any inspections they basically said this home is sliding off a cliff and you cannot live here so we parked the mendocino farms right and we were both really bummed out and crying yes because we had put all our eggs on that basket and then from a distance we hear your voice and you're like bobby like this and i'm crying in the car he's not feeling well and then he goes up to you and says hey dude um we're just gonna have a quick bite you know don't really want to like you know hang out because we've had a bad day right so we sit far away in mendocino farms you didn't listen to the instructions and then you came over i remember this yeah and that and then from then on i'm and i think from then on there was the connection to feeling that bad and then your face hovering over our lunch during mendocino so i think from then on it was like no we are not going to go to mendocino farms with you yeah in fact the other day you got mendocino farms and i think i equate men to the state of farms i have i can't even uh let the the gift wrapping uh thing slide i also like the rick you've asked me 50 times to come on the podcast and i said no read it i've messaged you a lot not about the podcast i even said you know what it's not worth being defensive even though as you read it you realized i asked you a couple of times and most of it was trying to connect for better or worse that was the intention now i will tell you when we when i saw you there bobby didn't come up to me and said hey we're having a hard time bobby came up to me and my friend who you call johnny boom booms and we're making we're making jokes and goofing around and being playful i didn't know that something was bad until afterwards when you clued me in on it and i i remember this very well i remember feeling like oh i'm embarrassed i didn't pick up on that but i was not told that and as soon as that happened i backed up so i'll apologize for not picking up on the cues and being annoying because i am annoying he should also be he should also apologize for not clueing you in on the fact that we were having a badge also for not letting you know but what's what's the priority there i get that but here we are a year and a half later you have this idea of me and the truth is this [ __ ] idiot just came over and instead of saying we're having a bad day he went oh i got a little dick and i'm thinking play play play and now i'm annoying you when your house just fell off listen i'm the one who asked for you yesterday cheers you are not on my bad side at all so did i not say true havoc last minute true yes now more backstory when we were at the comedy store years ago bobby and i were talking and bobby i'm not past at the comedy store and everybody has their obstacles then that's fine but i talked to bobby about it bobby you were the only person to ever go and talk to them about that that doesn't mean that anything came from it excuse me but like three times you three times yeah and i have friends that are clo i'm closer with that are you know the same like we're at the comedy store level that never did that i never asked them to i didn't ask you to you just offered it it was great it was very nice and afterwards we had the only connected conversation we ever had and one of the things you said to me was that everybody has their own obstacles you talked about yours blah blah blah in that same conversation you told me no this was another time outside the comedy store sitting in the same spot so i brought this up to you and you said listen rick uh because i asked you to do the podcast for the first time and you said i don't you have to ask me all the time i don't respond to texts if you really want me to do something just text me all the time i now have that as a tool in my tool belt not for everybody i have people that i i check in because it's a [ __ ] pain in the ass to book people i have people that i check in i try to read it because i don't want to bother them but i also want to keep asking where i go quarterly literally every four every three or four months i follow up some people every month for you i just keep hitting you because you told me to you know okay you're right and you're right you're right i apologize thank you i'll be right back no we're not doing that but i did tell you to keep hitting me up and that's actually what you've been doing yeah wow and so because i listened you listened but i do have to say that i have gone to bat for you right in front of adam i know and and and try to give him the argument right and i don't think that i would have done that if i didn't really see your talent thank you i really think that you have a specific talent that's necessary in comedy you don't you're not necessarily a traditional stand-up right but you're very creative on stage you're naturally interesting and very funny you know and you have a weird you know neurotic defensive energy which i like you know you do you have a neurotic defensive energy that's a bait if i've ever heard one right and uh you're right bobby and you have this like this ocd thing you know which is what is that why not just say ocd instead of treat it like it's a joke while we're trying to be serious no because this is ocd for sign language uh ocd for sign language is this that's what i was trying to do about my i have carpal tunnel so you're trying to make fun of my disease it's not a disease it's a nail yeah you're trying to make fun of my disease i was trying to do this but i can't because it hurts so [ __ ] bad is this how is this going yeah it's going well it's going it's not sometimes you walk into a conversation with people and their house just fell off a cliff and i don't pick up on it so i'm trying to just check i have to be honest with you i think this has uh been a very delightful conversation since the beginning i think it's chaos i think it's entertaining yep um i and you know i it's very difficult for me to admit but there is a part of me albeit small that thinks why didn't we have this guy on sooner you know he just doesn't have the name necessarily but you know but he has the skill and he does have something very specific that he does that i enjoy i got will smith on mine that's true that's what my next question is you went through lengths right you're very crafty very smart magical person you knew exactly what steps to take to get will smith on your show it didn't dawn on you to just ask me uh i i want to check the dms because i know i did and there's a chance that i deleted it um which i do sometimes when i feel like someone may have seen let me let me before i before i uh hold on let me look and see for those and this cloud is going to but i have asked you but for those who have yeah for those listening the great the easiest way to get to my heart is to harass kalila so everyone listening right now that's the way to do it no but if i deleted it if i deleted it that would have been the reason after messaging you so much other comics listening no absolutely not yeah i unsent it uh i sent it and then every now and then when i i go to people's like i say i follow up every now and then and i see how long ago i messaged someone i don't remember exactly what it was but i do remember contemplating if i should and it was something to do with i messaged bobby a bunch and then like you and i was going to message you again but we don't know each other and i was like ew and i unsent but i 100 asked um are there other comics that you have tried to get on your podcast that have said no yes and does that hurt you no ah so i think that's another thing that i i admire about you is you don't if for some reason rejection or those kind of things they don't really hurt you do they they hurt me breakups have have been have been painful for me oh they have yeah why yeah cause i remember what hurts you yeah what does hurt you because it seems like you are very like a guy who would just let [ __ ] slide off your shoulders i i i uh have pretty bad anxiety and there's a lot of things i try and control that are maybe small to some people that affect me a lot um i don't know if it's because i exhausted myself from those those things or it's just a double-edged sword that has its pros and cons but a lot but things that i try to control so much things that i've accepted that are out of my control it's easier to accept that they're out of my control and it doesn't really affect me the same way as something like oh no could i have you know what i mean so when's the last time what's the last thing that made you cry i i mean i cry all the time are you being real yeah i cry all the time oh you guys are similar he cries every day about something yeah well it's a good thing i think crime is good it's cathartic not every day i do cry but not every day i've been crying every day i've been crying every day but do you cry over like the state of the world or personal things uh it's i'm not always in touch with it but i do know when i'm watching you know definitely maybe or some movie that i've seen a million times or whatever at parts that aren't that that aren't like hitting me that much i know that it's a trigger for something like i'm just breaking so the world's yeah the world and also it's not that selfless it's just the way the world is affecting me um it's just [ __ ] hard right now but you do have like real ailments you have the you have the ocd and then yeah my ocd has got has been bad but did you have something else what is that uh arthritis and uh tmj disorder i have tmj really bad it's tmj temporary joint you have that joint excuse me yeah it's bad it's bad now mine's bad you do you use guaca it's that um jade kind of like this device i know what you're talking about no oh just i just push it on i got a tens machine doesn't that do the same thing probably um do you do do you have the pain because you clinch so yeah i i got a i got a retainer so you got and the mouth guard i got the mouth guard now to return yeah the mouth guard in in march i could barely get the toothbrush in yeah talk about suck about the and uh i was translating and i actually stuttered and then i realized that that joke may have hurt your feelings while we were being serious i'm sorry or you're gonna say talk about what sorry talk about what i i i want to get the racial it wasn't racial i want to get the racial joke in there no no that was the joke that i meant to say was talk about getting uh an executive at nbc's dick in my mouth because you were talking about the blowing thing ah but i hesitated because i didn't want to then like use his name so i i stumbled over it and then it made it just sound like you know what you speak and i couldn't which is now that was special but i don't speak korean well you should learn it it's your heritage that's true yeah please continue so i couldn't get the toothbrush in my mouth for a little bit now yeah i could get the toothbrush in a lot of pain i can't even wear headphones like that over the years no just because the pain afterwards my face gets swollen but your your pain is exaggerated from the clenching it's not the teeth on teeth clenching it's the doing this when i'm in because i have severe anxiety and sweating and all that so i do this a lot like i just do the mouth but i think in your case that's what i thought it was is it stress it's stressful it's like oh my life why am i so neurotic yeah not necessarily those words yeah yeah but why am i mean yes yes yes yes so betty would tell me that i'm grinding hard and sleep uh and i believe her but the past couple months i've noticed me when i even when i get like kind of zoning out a little bit i'm catching myself doing like [ __ ] is that what i'm doing all the time that's what i do and i i fractured a tooth a little bit from it but what affects me yeah i mean i'll tell you what i'll tell you what when asking guests and stuff what what hurts it's not when i ask somebody and they say no it's the thing that caused me in a small version but to erase the message which is i i grew up not picking up social cues but i didn't know that i was bad at it i just thought i know what i know and when somebody would say and i've talked about this on my podcast before but i remember i used to call my friend david every week and every week he couldn't because of work or school or his mom wouldn't let him or whatever it was and i just oh he just can't this week oh and i kept trying i never felt bullied i never felt not included wow but i wasn't and i didn't realize that until i'm like at least mid-20s oh i wasn't include and it wasn't like i don't have a chip on my shoulder it's not fun you know the kids not everybody could say hey here was the issue we were having a hard time you weren't listening to us and it put a sour taste in my mouth let's try and resolve it not everybody as adults had that let alone a kid so i grew up and i realized i thought i always thought i was this funny guy that everybody liked because i like me and my mom applauds me and i realize oh i annoyed everybody so i now know i could bother people and i recognize there's a line and i'm getting better at it but i don't know when i'm crossing it so when i message somebody a couple of times yeah right i've had blake griffin on my podcast we've done a few podcasts together blake griffin is a nba all-star and my avenger you know i mean like these are the these are superheroes yeah whoa blake's friends and bla i'm friends with blake he's not friends with me you know what i mean like he likes me enough to do my podcast but i'm blank you know i mean like i want him in my life yeah and i uh i like blew it with him at one point we started a podcast together and then i did something that i don't need to get into i talked about it doesn't matter and then later we rekindled and we became fine but like when i find out that i somebody doesn't like me because of something i did and i don't know what i did that embarrassment and shame is like it's not that oh he doesn't like me it's oh i'm not i'm annoying but are you like me where like there are incidences are you like me like there are incidences in your past where you in retrospect you behaved in a in a way that you're not really that proud of and you think about those incidences all the time or do you or can you let it go because for me it it plays like an old tape you know like i'll think why did i [ __ ] do that why did i do that i wish i didn't do that do you do you ever do it where like you start to mouth off you start to say out loud what you would have said yes i do that oh my god hey guys we're going to take a quick break to talk about one of our favorite sponsors better help guys um kalila and i just had therapy today we love better help it's helped our relationship i also do solo therapy it's really helping my life out especially in this pandemic is there something interfering with your happiness or preventing you from achieving your goals better help will assess your knees and match you with your own licensed professional therapist you can start communicating in under 48 hours it's not a crisis line it's not self-help it is professional counseling done securely online there is a broad range of expertise available which may not be locally available in many areas the service is available for clients worldwide though you can log into your account anytime and send a message to your counselor you'll get timely and thoughtful responses plus you can schedule weekly video or phone sessions so you won't 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gallery [Music] if you're looking for just the right flooring you need choices and at marshall carpet one you'll certainly find them and we're back i remember being at disney world when i was let's say seven one two three seven and i was there with a family friend my mom's friend and my friend her son right uh-huh and we i have a weird thing with like get over i i honestly i i it's okay just give me a second just give me a second okay i'll be honest with you what's going on i know what's going on i've tuned out of course no no don't say of course but you didn't know that on my podcast you literally i did you fell asleep multiple times right now i'll be honest with you i just don't know what the [ __ ] is going on so i i was just trying to be honest with you so should i stop no rug thing start that thing over we're not going to edit that out now we find it i don't know i want the wrong thing in there his dad owns a rug store it's one of the best rugs i go on when on my podcast it started as a i guess it's a joke but i cut to commercial and cut to my dad's drugstore commercial i do the vo on it it's a few seconds this is a joke okay i've been going in other people's podcast tell me the story so years ago tell me the story i'm going to be completely with you as a trio we're very seizure-inducing as a trio we're very seizure-inducing who says that i think it's entertaining i think that between the three of us yeah we could really cause a lot of seizures and people look i think it's entertaining should we do our uh another podcast call it seizures we'll just do it for a few months until i get my subscribers he's like how do we get more ad space yeah let me tell this anecdotal okay so start from the beginning rug and then go you look to camera snap and say and we're back and we're back snap and saying we're back we come and we're back jesus so i uh lying is a very difficult thing for me it's not a moral decision it's just something that i'm wired with i just can't do it and it just doesn't feel like it's worth it when i was a kid it was a very obsessive thing and i would tell my mom everything i did and everything i thought there was a moment where i went mike the kid michael went to the bathroom his mom kathy went to the bathroom and i'm seven as i'm walking to the bathroom i remember picturing when she goes to the bathroom she's gonna pull her pants down i wonder if she's gonna get naked i pictured her naked oh no no no no no no no i went pee i went back and i told my mom like i was admitting to her that i [ __ ] dad like you're gonna you're not gonna believe what i'm about to tell you but i have to tell you and i'm emotional about it and i don't understand what's wrong with me and i tell her that i felt this stuff and it felt so good to let her know and she said some big moment for me she said rick i'm so glad that you felt safe to come to me with that you could tell me anything you ever want to tell me i want you to know that everybody has weird thoughts there's nothing wrong with it it's 100 natural think whatever you want to think you don't have to tell me if you don't want that was from that it changed everything but also it's like oh you think things you think things that are bad you think like i'm picturing bobby naked now because i've seen it you just picture stuff who gives a [ __ ] you don't you don't know everybody what you're feeling it's funny because i've done the same thing with my parents growing up but i they don't fully understand what they don't know english that well so i think i told them personal things knowing that they wouldn't be able to fully grasp what i was saying like when i got sober my junior year in high school i would say something like you know oh yeah um i i jerked off to a hustler magazine out in the field and i came all over iraq all they hear is rock came right it's a jerking motion well they can't put it all together oh they don't know what that means they don't really know what it means okay so did you tell them on purpose knowing that they wouldn't know yeah you could just say things to you know immigrant you know my parents that still seems like a safe place though yeah it that felt good yeah it felt good dad i think i'm an insult i think you [ __ ] me up cause you're so ugly and mom's so pretty and you [ __ ] me up jennifer is your mom really pretty i mean if my mom has a nice jawline you think my mom's cute but pretty right yeah just cross eyes but that you know who who what i noticed that what your mom's not cross-eyed is she she well you you know that she was she had she was and then she got the surgery but still one surgery you have for a cross eye isn't is this a patch i think it's like you just no i think you just like um strengthen um a muscle back yeah you strengthen the muscles yeah with a patch to force it to i think that's for astigmatism but she literally had surgery on her eye patch because my friend had astigmatism and he had eye surgery she had eye surgery i think that as an exercise on the podcast off the podcast you call your friend and you say that you wrote those things and you're ashamed of them and they weren't even about her but i'm just trying to figure some stuff out she's going to unfriend me she's like are you are you on drugs she's going to be like who gives a [ __ ] we were [ __ ] 19 years old rick that was just a really poor example she's not going to do it i was a poor example okay there are other things you want me to call her you want to call her she's not going to do it who whatever he's saying to do yeah i have no idea what you guys are talking about i don't even know being ashamed of your 18 year old self well being ashamed of everything shame is just one of those things that us asians carry yeah you don't know you don't get it yeah we we it's it's something that you don't get well then there's nothing that people complain about we're not complaining about it we're sharing we're sharing with you what hurts us oh no what an interesting guy you are we've hit a wall no yeah i think this is it this is not it this is it this is three these are three i'll tell you something if if you all do it if we weren't uh in this thing i would love to do what i would do on my podcast and when we snap we switch chairs and everything but you can't commit to yeah you know what i do want to do though is when the pandemic's over i promise you this okay i promise you this glassy first of all i call him john boom boom your friend remember you at mendocino farms john boom boom yeah that what's his last name john dewalt what how do they get boom because you do you have i know no i know why i know why boom is a box no i know why boom chicago was he ever in boom chicago yes he was impressed that's why i call him that wow john boom boom that's great yeah but when you said it you mean you go you call my friend john boom boom as if i was some sort of [ __ ] psychopath there's a reason why i call people stuff this needs to get better now what what this [Laughter] i need people to want to come and see yeah yeah it's it's it's good i think that something it's already good when i gave you this book i don't think you i think you took it with a little confusion i didn't no i know you know what i i appreciate justin timberlake for for his for his artistry and he's really blind with his wife yeah you you appreciate the slip-ups i do i i appreciate slip-ups of humans i i'm all about i'm interested in the growth and learning i like when people fall through cracks and come out of it better may i say yes if you could feel that way about myself as you do others thanks rick full circle thank you i feel it we'll be right back thank you for your time for your time um what are you interested in all right very good what an interesting hour very good um has it been yeah at the end of our podcast we do a thing called unhelpful advice what's it really oh man you know what there was one thing i wanted to talk to you guys about but you never get uh all right go ahead do it yeah you're right did you forget no it's just something that's going on right now then that would be interesting because you know you have a medical expertise and it would just i don't oh well then just try let's give it a try so i've been dealing with some some medical stuff with my hormones being very all over the place all my hormones and i've been visiting i've been seeing doctors and mris and cat scans and all these things and recently i went to uh uh whatever the penis doctor is for fertility and stuff who has a specialty in endocrinology especially with with uh testosterone not all hormones with testosterone and uh he wasn't sure and i have to go to the geneticist for more tests and stuff but i'm just taking my time because of the world and he told me that uh a lot of ashkenazi jews not a lot of but of this condition that he's about to tell me of the majority of us knowledge jews i don't remember the name of it but it's something where i'm basically i'm a one i'm a man and a woman not a hermaphrodite it's something else i i'm a woman i'm not a man and a woman i'm a woman i'm a woman with a penis and you know which is totally fine and i support that this is how it starts but it was just like well i'm not a woman hormonally on paper is what they're saying is his hypothesis okay uh and i was born a certain way and whatever and it's like okay i'm not i'm not but like let's do the test right but then uh uh as more things are going down and betty's helping try to figure out and diagnose like some things are possible but that means we would never be able to get pregnant because i have i have a varicocele on my left testicle shout out to varicose heals and um i had one when i was uh in 11th grade i had an operation it went away i then got a girlfriend pregnant and things happened what we felt was both for us at the time and i think it's great that a woman or a man if there's a choice with their body and you know you should vote and we're all about abortions on this podcast and uh so i've gotten a person pregnant yes and mazel thank you and then the varicocele came back so i always thought you get rid of the varicocele when you're ready to have a baby because i was told it's not gonna get any worse just why have it now yeah but now it turns out if if i'm a woman yeah i've never gotten somebody prep so i wanna so i'm thinking did i did she was she pregnant with somebody else wait so now they're saying that it's an impossibility that you with being a woman being a woman or with post varicocele that you impregnated a woman yeah so so basically if you couldn't get bobby pregnant right varicocele or not okay so oh did she this is what you wanted to talk about this is important i want to hear this story so basically i have to find out if i get somebody pregnant that's a change this is your clothing yeah it changes your diagnosis yeah yeah so what am i going to reach out to her yes and say hey did this she did yeah so i did it'd be like okay i did and this just happened this this was last night and she wrote back to me this morning and what did she say how we hang on you'll have to go to rick glassman.com to find out all right okay wait instagram okay but what did you say how did is this how did you even broach the subject have you spoken to her in a long time or were you just like hey what's up did you cheat on me i could read it to you please do you know what he's talking about by the way bobby what it looks like i have no idea what's going on this is what it looks like let me see that's not well that's a varicocele but let me see what is that one no basically a varicocele is is a is a group of veins it's like a varicose veins yeah so it's basically veins around the testicle and because veins are filled with blood and it's warm it makes the the the temperature of my testicles um spicy extra hot yeah but it looked like there was only you know there was only one ball in there one testicle is a little smaller than the other oh it was basically boiling his sperm yeah correct well you know yes you know exactly exactly what it is your testicles are like one of them's winking if they were eyes yeah i would think more of one of them one of them is more looking into uh into one of those things a mag like a magnifying glass a magnifying glass that's what it is that's a microscope magnifying is a habit because i'll be honest because why not there's glass here it's significantly smaller but how's the dick it's a it's my girlfriend even said to me when my doctor said are you a woman she said her first thing did he see your penis because i it's great it's great i'm sure it is it's great i'm sure it is so i just thought it was an interesting subject i want to know what the email is no this is important this is not helpful advice i think uh so here it is here's me reaching out to a girlfriend i had a while ago asking uh if she cheated on me all right all right oh my gosh hey name how have you been gotta ask what's she gonna be i've been good hang on you didn't address her by her name yeah i didn't say hey name i'm just my god babe yeah hey whatever you are yeah okay no i just don't want to put her on blast okay she's a very famous movie star now okay hey is she really no no no no oh okay i would tell you the name if it was how have you been i have an odd question to ask you that's really important to me okay making it about me so she doesn't feel defensive let him hear the data as i'm sure you remember almost 15 years ago while we were together you got pregnant we handled it the way we felt best at the time great today i'm running into some interesting biological questions involving my genetics hormones and fertility tldr ghf all right go ahead basically if i have ever gotten someone you know what i'm now finishing we want to read it super fast take your time but what i just want to say real quick is why even text her who gives a [ __ ] let it go because if if i didn't get her why would you care about it because if i didn't get her pregnant oh who cares because he's trying to have a baby let me answer let me answer she's trying to have a baby if you're going to ask me a question let me answer if you're going to make a judgmental joke but end it with a [ __ ] period or exclamation point okay but whatever happened in the past then deal with the president and that's what i'm doing in this case the past absolutely is pertinent to his future yes this is necessary continue go ahead my bad continue my my bad go ahead finish i'm gonna start from the beginning you know i don't really know what you're saying why would you you're [ __ ] there's birds floating around your head yeah yeah so go ahead send this to me we'll animate the birds i'm feeling i'm feeling like i'm doing a stand-up right now and now the audience got into the joke but it's not even a joke i'm curious keep going i'm really curious i'm really curious educational for me so please continue yeah so hello hello nate fill in the name yes yeah hello how have you been i remember okay i memorized it can i give you the short version of it have you been what's up remember i got you pregnant and then now we continue continue go ahead remember we got a shmooshmorsh and then this continues picks up from there as i'm sure you remember almost 15 years ago while we were together we got you got pregnant and i um here we go yeah today i'm running into some interesting biological questions genetics hormones fertility and basically if i've ever gotten someone pregnant it would help narrow a lot of things down and without going into too much detail this isn't just about fertility this is about a lot of things involving my body and as uncomfortable of a question as this may seem to you the only thing that matters is the data i mean nothing personally nor do i have any judgment whatsoever it's just a couple of things that come up recently that have contradicted the reality of me getting somebody pregnant ever so my question to you and again no judgment is when you got pregnant while we were together is was i the person who got you pregnant is there any chance it could have been with someone else it's really important that i know for sure again i can't stress enough respectfully this is nothing to do with you very good very good so much time so much time has passed and if you slept with somebody else or when you're 20 years old who cares i even capitalized who cares because i didn't know how to spell okay [Laughter] okay i want to make sure you understand i'm not accusing you of anything again and i apologize for over communicating i would be asking this question to anybody it's just that it is contradicting certain diagnosis that i have been getting and this is about my overall health and i hope you'll be completely candid with me okay sorry she didn't respond sorry for such a random and odd message but if there's even a one percent chance you're praying for somebody else that is information it'll be valuable to me i hope you're doing well and thank you for your patience in reading such an odd long message she wrote back dear rick i've been waiting for this i cheated on you no no no no no she said you didn't cheat [Laughter] so you're not a woman i mean all the you know i'll be honest with you all this time i felt like i was turning into my mother what did it say uh she said no uh i'm not gonna it's fine but i'm just not gonna read her message just because it feels like that's not for me to read yeah but i didn't cheat on you and uh she said that um she said everything's blah blah blah blah you know that have you been she's having a uh having a baby boy soon and uh wonderful man she's moving may i talk and i want to write back i want to just write end with this i just want to write you my funny response okay uh she said uh i'm expecting a baby boy in you know this month blah blah blah i said congratulations will this be your third i hate to ask and i'm sorry if this feels too personal but is this baby mine just to show like lighting up the mood very funny anyway it goes on very good maybe we'll get coffee yeah so you're like a it's you know you're like spock and everyone is around you is like bones you know the character or the yeah the actual character right it's like you come into my podcast you bring your own headphones yes your display you bring your own mic yeah we've never had that happen before crazy yeah all right you wiped everything down i respect it thank you you know i'm wondering what it's like when a lady makes love to you do you put plastic over the bed is it interesting i have rules and i i get them out of the way really fast okay so what are the rules i'm a lady yeah i could okay let's say we're david dating for a couple weeks sure i decide and i've already got one of you we've been dating we've dated a couple days i probably i'm about to [ __ ] you okay okay so that this is about the [ __ ] right right so i come over to your house right you've already gotten to know me so you know it's cute when i say take off your shoes and if we're gonna get into my bed you either need to be naked or i'm going to give you shorts because they know already is that what you say yes so you give them shorts like basketball i give them options all right basketball shorts yeah or or like or um or by the way this was a long long time ago and all of them were uglier than betty betty you're the most beautiful girl i've ever been with yeah but or boxed the boxers that i don't wear anymore but you know they're like girls wear them as shorts you know they do this thing yeah yeah yeah i like that yeah like yeah and then they'll get in bed and then like i'll say alexa play rock and roll or whatever yeah yeah put on one of my podcasts or something so led zeppelin rock and roll or just any rock and roll is there any other rock and roll there probably is a good touche go ahead so play a little led zeppelin you know smokey on the water or whatever imagine listening to led zeppelin yeah and uh and uh yeah so what's your question now so is it but because you're so very clinical and surgical about things is there like okay now you're going to lay on your back spread your legs open and i'm going to insert here i mean how does that work no i'm listen as ocd as i am yeah i also and i'm being i'm not yes um yeah i made that up by the way i don't know my cousin's death oh i'm it's okay you know let me finish all right go ahead i'm very excited to hear that we'd love to get them on the pod [Laughter] you know what i've been wanting to do i've been wanting to have somebody sign in the corner of my living room the whole podcast could we get him on your episode and you can sign everything no he's in the philippines well we'll you know zoom it hey rick would you ever have um my girlfriend on your podcast don't force me onto someone's shirt oh listen i i i would love to have you on the podcast yeah i asked something that is very high school recently when esther was on mine because we talked about you guys a little bit i suggested you got to go on tiger belly to promote your special yeah talking about you i'd love to have iran and at the time i don't remember if i had deleted it or not but i did do like uh hey will you circ like i had esther ask you what is it about you writing me and then delete undoing the writing i i was wrong and i i feel like i'm a really approachable person i don't know you and through association i you heard the messages i mess when i message you because of our relationship in that moment it's now we have relatively speaking our own but it was only your bobby's girlfriend respectfully i don't i don't know you i didn't think you knew who i was fair you know what i do appreciate that because some people don't they just some people don't what just go for it and i'm kind of like it felt a little it felt it it would feel to ask you without meeting you and it's not necessarily the right but my mindset is oh i asked bobby bobby isn't maybe i could get collide and i didn't want to make it seem like that and there's probably other things that i could check in on i don't know but i would love to have you on the podcast were you neurotic on the set of undateable i heard some things but you were just on oh really what did you hear that you were in the beginning of your first show and there was a little neuro neurosis going on on the show i definitely my first season in particular yes i came into some really strong self-awareness when i turned like 32. okay so the first little bit of undateable it was uh i'm sure you heard some things that i maybe don't even know and probably no it wasn't anything bad it was just that i just found i had heard rumors like what did you hear just that you were like neurotic on set and that you would like you know um what funnier lines or i don't know what it might be uh yeah probably i probably wanted funnier or more lines but it was it got to the point that where i would hear it from the rumor mill that you were outwardly from the people on the cast who are friends with other people let's just say that i don't know man but you know what i'll tell you this much i am not who i was before but i am proud of him and i have learned from him and uh dude that's the best oh my about to make me cry that's the best answer i've ever heard because whatever you are and i'm trying to figure that out right now my friend yeah you should be proud of whatever you are i really like you i really like you too i think you're right i do i do you know there aren't a lot of people that i um naturally thought my eyes i felt like you didn't like me and that was okay but i didn't i wanted you to wow you're an agent of chaos yeah in like there are certain people that i feel very like con just like a magnet to him being one of them and i just get him whatever chaos whatever agent of chaos this is i get i love i adore all parts of it right i feel the same way about you and i just met you thank you and i didn't think i would i thought this would be a dreadful podcast and i really really really do wow is that why you came in like uh i guess we're already with a shield on my face yeah she came in i've never seen a wear shield before first first time on this podcast what did i say about him before be careful with that he might be a vector yeah that's exactly what i said that's the opposition you're the opposite a vector for just germs and bacteria i didn't know that you were careful i didn't think you would bring your own mic i didn't know that you'd bring your own headphones i'm actually like so impressed my podcast is is literally called take your shoes off i thought that was just an asian an homage to the asian folks like us because we take our shoes off yeah no it's it's uh take your shoes off is the easiest one for like when you come into my house there are so many rules that i feel like taking your shoes off is the dipping their toe in like oh i get it he's somebody who wants things a certain way and then you got to wash your hands you got to change your shirt shorts you know all these things so it's just like the easiest one so yeah i'm a clean person and all right so we just did an extra 20 minutes yeah put on the patreon no we are going to keep it in but let's do an unhelpful advice sure so we have emails we'll answer and then we'll get out of here unhelpful advice with bobby delilah and rick take her shoes off podcast glassman that's really you doing it live yeah um would you guys like to decipher a dream uh industry question or marriage um no no no it's just a therapy so let's just do a [ __ ] dream dream let's just do dream interpretation and what do we each do it three different ones whatever you want to say i think that we can come together it's one thing and then whatever you want to say yeah okay this from a friend of ours uh a fan of ours hey guys my name is renee meza i'm a truck driver from colton california and i love all you guys and make my and they make my trips more enjoyable so thank you renee so i had this dream that i walked out of my bedroom to my living room and i saw a bunch of [ __ ] puddles all over my living room floor i turned to my left and i see bobby crouching on top of my couch giggling and saying and he was just wearing some american flag underwear patriotic i turn to my right i see bobby's parents cleaning up the puddles and his dad was yelling at me saying why did i let him do this and who was that wait and whose dad was yelling uh bobby's dad my own dad was yelling at bobby no was yelling at the this guy renee renee saying renee why did you let bobby do that come on the floor p.s uh he wants to know what does this mean and he'd like to give a shout out to his wife uh maria i love you i'll see you soon because he's a truck driver yeah that is really sweet okay want to take a stab first well i mean i i i can't i you know i don't have enough variables and i have a couple of questions because clearly there's this renee is reaching out to this podcast with a dream he had so i wonder how manufactured this is uh but what i need to know his relationship with his parents to know this and his relationship with his wife but off the top of my head i just think he's a fan of bobby and dreamed about him and he's just that's he's like he's a blue writer so i can't really give you anything wow wow is there a piece the fact that uh bobby's dad did not yell at bobby but yelled at renee i mean there's so many factors there's bobby's relationship with your father and everything that has happened that he might be projecting there's is he connecting with that or is he assuming something on him what's his that's why i want to know his relationship with him bobby that was a test i wrote that email oh well then i i could i i have an answer for you go ahead um i without revealing too much uh it would be fair to assume you guys have at least opened the conversation of wanting to start a family and with that who whom i who am i comes its challenges you have a new it's challenging you have it's you have a new home and not just in a physical space but in a in a in a world that has changed and things need to be clean and things need to be organized you want to be this you're this beta who wants to be this dominant force you have found someone who let you let you feel like you're in control even though you are the person that holds everything together the emulsifying agent and this dream would probably to me represents bobby could do whatever he wants oh look at me i'm going to get naked on stage and i'm going to come on the floor oh i'm the best right and your world is going to take your his world is going to take care of you but why why would your father let not renee you why would you allow bobby nurture bobby validate bobby to be this way when and i and there's really no judgment and i don't know i didn't write the email he didn't oh okay then i don't know he was going but congratulations on i didn't write family numbers yeah we don't do compost we don't do come puddles what do you do where do you go you know what in her eyes or her hair okay dreadlocks i don't believe that every single time in your eyes or your hair every single time that means it always ends with a blow job or does he like kind of scoot up and then it's an old time yeah yeah what if you're on top it's over because you know i am rather tall yeah yeah sure comparatively yeah so he walks over to the she's standing i need to be standing i crawl up her like i'm a koala no no no no no no no uh-huh tell me does he more times than not come and your eyes are i don't i don't what i do it this is the truth this is the truth push it i'll go i'm about to go i'm about to go and i lunge off of her wait who's are you lunge you're never on top whatever i'll push her off i push you off yeah right and then i and i put i put my hand like this right like i'm about to get it you know yeah i'm writing it up there right right and then i i go oh and it goes pink one little drop and hits and then she always like a goldfish like catch in mid-air go oh yeah all right well one thing we need to redact uh renee when we corrected saying a friend to a fan i think you forgot to say just joking a friend thank you for being such a such a big part of this and glad we can make you happy if you really want to enjoy your rides what do you want to do you know people people want to plug just my podcast what's it called again take your shoes off that's right and people have said how they could go in i would love for them to see the comments on yours because they said this is the greatest guest appearance that you've ever had and i think that's not because of me but i'm glad that we together built an environment for you i think we have a good vibe together mm-hmm yeah i think we have a good chemistry together i i i will say something mark my words should should the red rocket ever just you know say i want to quit drama i think that rick's the guy um well i'm gonna would you would you do a podcast with me yeah we uh on our in your first appearance because you said the same thing and we were it was it was it really is honestly one of there's a few special episodes my two favorite are yours and the second one i did with my dad and my cousin there's something really special about that and we both felt it in the podcast and we talked about it and you said you want to and you were like think about it and then you're like i'm starting one with andrew that was right when you were starting it right so i want to take your compliment while also i'm not being political i just want to be because it made me feel a little uncomfortable i will never take andrew's place nobody can he's a very special boy we love him i'm just saying should he ever just one day decide to [ __ ] off and move to wyoming think that you're a great replacement availability to work with bobby i would go theo as a replacement i would call theo first yeah but he wouldn't do it well we're doing something together as we speak so yeah but you don't want to lean into that too much it's become really really you are you are and i want your fans to know this and maybe some of them do yeah you're not a cartoon character who said that everybody oh wait wait the industry so you think that yeah that's yeah you think the vibe on me you think that the vibe on me is i'm a cartoon character type of a guy i think that you lean into a joke more than the truth and the reason why it's a joke what's the joke uh whatever the intention behind what you're saying this is who i am this is who you are this is who you are and this is what works you go on with another and by the way theo yeah i'll never do one with you of course not okay give him a round of applause everybody rick glassman that was very good very good very good if we did do a podcast thank you what would you call it thank you oh my god my mind is like it's still rolling rick feel free to keep it all right guys well thank you so much for giving me the opportunity i'm just a no-name jew neurotic piece of [ __ ] that bobby had on as a favor because i bothered him too much about mendocino farms but i want to say i appreciate you head on over to ricklisman.com and marshall rug gallery to pick up anything you need [Music] if you're looking for just the right flooring you need choices and at marshall carpet one you'll certainly find them and we're back thanks for watching the show everyone uh hope you enjoyed rick he was uh i love his podcast tyso so make sure you check it out take your shoes off podcast uh thanks for sponsors quip and better help for a better brushing experience go to get quipped.com belly right now and you get your first refill free take charge your mental health today tiger belly listeners get 10 off your first month at betterhelp.com belly if you aren't a part of the community already go to patreon.com tiger belly for a bunch of bts exclusive um uh vlogs uh podcasts i think uh by the time you're listening to this the jewel uh podcast is up so you get to hear a little bit from uh bad friends rudy about what it's like to live with um deeta bobby and ate kalila and we asked her a bunch of stuff from the philippines as well uh also guys if you haven't done this yet make sure you tell all your friends that sing or if you are a singer yourself uh guys submit to the tiger bellies got talent singing competition uh we'll be documenting that so don't worry it's not like something where we see all the videos we now it's a winner we'll be documenting the different rounds uh a certain round that uh once we have our select view we're going to actually have bobby klein to coach them uh song selections advice and those that will all be filmed uh and then we'll announce a winner and that winner will get to sing the outro song it could we don't know what that is yet it could be the outro song that we already have which is basically our intro song or we'll create a new song uh maybe bobby produced the track and then the winner be the singer so it's going to be really exciting so everyone make sure you get all your singer friends listen to the podcast or if you are a singer make sure you submit uh there's a soft deadline and that deadline will probably be uh end of august so make sure you get it in now um make sure you follow us on tiger valley on instagram uh paula eckland bk georgia george underscore kimmel bobby at bobby lee live and once again guys i'm not gonna say my instagram handle i'm actually gonna tell you to follow we out here mma it is a new mma podcast show that i do with a couple friends kung fu nick and alex liv got a costa we love you [Music] guys [Music]

Channel: TigerBelly

Views: 431,055

Keywords: tiger belly, tigerbelly, bobby lee, podcast, khalyla, tgrbly, all things comedy, mad tv, stand up, tpw, tkats, tfatk, off the record, bad friends, comedy podcast, Bobby lee andrew santino, rick glassman, tyso, take your shoes off, brendan schaub, erik griffin, blake griffin, comedy, hbo, bertcast, #411, whiskey ginger

Id: eKzEis31eXc

Length: 88min 33sec (5313 seconds)

Published: Thu Aug 20 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/kxxstarr]

Doesn't seem very likely as Theo said in his most recent that he has a lease on a studio in Nashville beginning Sept 1

[u/Humanindica]

A cartoon wld be fantastic.

[u/[deleted]]

On Bad Friends, Bobby said he sold a few shows recently. Maybe he’s on one of those

[u/crazyabootmycollies]

I haven’t listened to Theo in a minute but I recall mentions of pitch meetings like he might have a show in the works. I can’t see either of them taking on a third podcast while trying to do standup as well. There’s a point where you’re saturating your own market.

[u/Rampface]

I doubt it’s a new podcast. He said they’re working on something tho

[u/goochstein]

It’s probably the cartoon Theo has also mentioned he’s working on, don’t know if they the same thing but this prob confirms it.

[u/Phumos]

On Theo's most recent guest appearance on TigerBelly, I found a youtube comment that said "These 3 should have their own podcast together...definitely a different yet relaxed vibe here. Left me wanting more.." and it was the only comment the TigerBelly liked..

[u/[deleted]]

Hes gotta move away from douchebag Brendan Schaub

[u/SamuelArk]

I respect the fuck out of Glassman because what hes talking about is this packaged podcast biz west coast is getting into that puts creativity into a box that cranks money out, which creates momentum behind people who dont necessarily have talent, like Brendan Schaub, but hamstrings true oddball geniuses who actually have something to say, like Bobby Lee.

Good for Glassman that guy has his eyes peeled