>> Stephen: LOUIS CATO AND
"THE LATE SHOW" BAND, EVERYBODY. [HUMMING]
YEAH. I THINK, I THINK, I THINK --
HAVE YOU FINISHED YOUR CHRISTMAS SHOPPING?
>> Louis: NO. STEVE AND I THINK I FINISHED IT.
>> Louis: ALREADY? >> Stephen: ONE OF THE THINGS
I DID WHILE I WAS BEDRIDDEN. I HIT THAT COMPUTER HARD.
THERE WAS SMOKE COMING OFF MY PAYPAL ACCOUNT.
I'M EXCITED ABOUT THAT. YEAH.
I WAS ON MORPHINE SO I DON'T KNOW WHAT I BOUGHT.
BUT I BET IT WAS PRETTY GOOD. WE'VE GOT SOME WONDERFUL GUESTS
TONIGHT. WE'VE GOT COMING UP A LITTLE BIT
LATER, DEAR OLD FRIEND OF MINE, A LEGEND OF COMEDY, ROBERT
SMIGEL IS GOING TO BE HERE. I'M NOT SURE IF YOU'RE FAMILIAR
WITH THIS MAN'S WORK, I'M A FAN. HIS NAME IS JASON MOMOA.
[CHEERING] THERE YOU GO.
FOLKS, IF YOU KNOW THIS SHOW, YOU KNOW ME AND
I'M A DOG PERSON. I LOVE ALL KINDS OF DOGS:
BIG, SMALL, SNOOP, RESERVOIR, CORN,
WHICH IS WHY I LOVE MY SEGMENT "RESCUE DOG RESCUE,"
WHERE WE HELP FIND HOMES FOR REAL RESCUE PUPPIES.
I'M PROUD TO SAY THAT SO FAR WE HAVE A PERFECT RECORD OF
EVERY SINGLE DOG WE'VE FEATURED BEING ADOPTED!
[APPLAUSE] IT'S A GREAT FEELING.
RESCUE AND MUCH MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN OUR OTHER SEGMENT,
"BUY A BOY A BOA"! AND I'M EXCITED TO ANNOUNCE
IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER "RESCUE DOG RESCUE."
♪ ♪ HEY, EVERYBODY.
WELCOME TO RESCUE DOG RESCUE. HERE'S HOW SHE WORKS:
WE'RE GONNA SHOW YOU SOME ADORABLE DOGS THAT ARE ACTUALLY
UP FOR ADOPTION THROUGH NORTH SHORE ANIMAL LEAGUE AMERICA.
AND TO MAKE YOU WANT TO ADOPT THEM EVEN MORE, WE TELL YOU
FLATTERING LIES ABOUT THEM. NOW, AND THIS IS TRUE,
IF YOU'VE BEEN WATCHING IN THE NEWS, I AM RECOVERING FROM
ABDOMINAL SURGERY AND AM MEDICALLY PROHIBITED FROM
LIFTING ANYTHING OVER 10 POUNDS. WHICH MEANS I COULD REALLY USE
SOMEBODY BIG AND STRONG TO HELP ME
HOLD THESE DOGS. JASON MOMOA!
AND THOSE PANTS! >> Jason: I'M HERE.
>> Stephen: JASON MOMOA, HOLY COW.
I NEVER EXPECTED YOU TO SHOW UP. >> Jason: FOR YOU, ANYTHING.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU, JASON. LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION.
ARE YOU STRONG ENOUGH TO LIFT A PUPPY?
>> Jason: IT DEPENDS. IS THE PUPPY IN A CAR?
>> Stephen: NO. >> Jason: TRICK QUESTION:
I COULD DO IT EITHER WAY. >> Stephen: GREAT!
THEN GET OVER HERE AND HELP ME LIE ABOUT SOME DOGS!
THIS IS ROGER. ALL THOSE CONFLICTING STUDIES
ABOUT WHETHER RED WINE IS GOOD FOR YOU ARE BAD FOR YOU.
WELL, AT NIGHT, ROGER STALKS THE CITY, FINDS ALL THE
RESEARCHERS WHO SAY IT'S BAD, AND HE BITES THEM.
>> Jason: ROGER IS THE WINNER. ROGER IS THE BEST.
ROGER MIGHT BE COMING HOME WITH ME.
>> Stephen: WHO IS THIS? >> Jason: THIS IS MARINA.
MARINA CAN LITERALLY SMELL DANGER...
AS LONG AS THE DANGER IS BACON. >> Stephen: GOOD FOR YOU,
MARINA. THIS NEXT LITTLE GUY.
>> Jason: OH, HAMMER. >> Stephen: THIS LITTLE GUY IS
MR. GIGGLES. MR. GIGGLES HAS THE WORLD'S
LARGEST COLLECTION OF SNOW GLOBES.
MORE THAN 2,000! BUT THE COOLEST THING ABOUT
MR. GIGGLES IS THAT HE WILL NEVER ASK YOU TO LOOK AT THEM.
THERE YOU GO. ALL.
>> Jason: AND THIS IS MINDY. YOU KNOW THAT HAT YOU BOUGHT
THAT YOU NEVER WEAR BECAUSE YOU THINK IT MAKES YOU LOOK SILLY?
WELL, SHE WILL BOOST YOUR CONFIDENCE BY TELLING YOU
IT'S REALLY COOL! BECAUSE HER SUPERPOWER IS LYING.
>> Stephen: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. 'CAUSE IT'S A STUPID HAT.
HOW STUPID IS THIS HAT? >> Jason: WELL.
[APPLAUSE] [LAUGHTER]
>> Stephen: DON'T. THIS IS JASON'S ACTUAL HAT AND
WHEN WE WERE REHEARSING HE SAID I ACTUALLY HAVE A [BLEEP] STUPID
HEAD. DON'T.
THIS IS THE DIFFERENCE IN THE SIZE OF THESE MEN.
>> Jason: I SHOULD HAVE A HEAD LIKE THIS.
IF I HAD A SMALL HEAD, IT WOULD LOOK WEIRD.
IT'S EQUAL. >> Stephen: I THINK THERE
MIGHT BE SOME MORE PUPPIES, JASON.
WHO DO WE HAVE HERE? OH.
THIS IS CARRUTHERS. CARRUTHERS WAS THE FIRST DOG
COME UP WITH THE ICONIC BARK SOUND
"WOOF." BEFORE CARRUTHERS, DOGS WOULD
BARK LIKE THIS: GORM!
GORM! THANK YOU, CARRUTHERS.
LASTLY THERE AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO PICK UP THIS DOG, JASON.
LASTLY WE HAVE A VERY SPECIAL OLDER DOG.
RIGHT OVER THERE, THAT'S HONEY OVER THERE.
HONEY IS YOUNG AT HEART BUT IN DOG YEARS HONEY IS 88 YEARS OLD.
WHICH IS WHY SHE'S ANNOUNCING THAT SHE'S RUNNING FOR
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES! WELL, THAT DOES IT
FOR "RESCUE DOG RESCUE"! ALL THESE DOGS ARE ACTUALLY
UP FOR ADOPTION THROUGH NORTH SHORE ANIMAL LEAGUE AMERICA.
BUT THE HAT IS NOT. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
