Relationship Matters

hello it's time for relationship matters what's happening how everybody doing this evening oh there we go we didn't even position that camera we're so excited to get them we're so excited to get on today we need work on our camera just come on let's go wait hello thank you thank yeah well you evening everybody welcome to relationship matters it's time to work on our relationship so text share let everybody know why y'all dressed up for we just put on something oh my god my way all dressed up we're going out to eat we're going up [Music] look she's back on she say y'all back in the house welcome back yeah we've been on for about a couple of weeks now a couple weeks yeah i've been out for a couple of weeks that's what i got but yes we are back what up tyrone um let's see good evening david and roslyn clayton i see you up there rising and join the praise team i say look at roswell down there singing all right come on use your gifts and talents i seen that glow on you ross yes let's see hey mister what did i just see chris rogers i see you mr tyrone good evening larry you guys are getting close to that due date over there when is it the due date is september the 18th not the 23rd no it's not the 23rd but we're believing that she's gonna have it on september the 6th the 6th yes because that's her mom's birthday okay yeah we're getting agreement there ain't gonna be something yeah an agreement for the city yes so we're in agreement for the six she got somebody that's gonna help me train so i'm cool now she can go ahead and baby down look don't have a baby so you can hurry up come on but hey brandi hey um alicia play for me and my business on success yes in jesus name um um larkin and red larkin all right see you in the house miss meekens hi hey we're doing great good logging in but the line is on tonight hey miss cecilia cecilia's logging on tonight yes so miss darlene miss young yes it is time to work on our relationships like share put some stuff in the comments let us know that you're on hey miss wanda i see you joining in tonight miss helen i'll see you join in all right marquita all right zachary i see you in the house what up zach so it is time to work on our race you know text them and tell them hey listen it's time y'all need to join us we're having a watch party tonight we have the wi-fi we don't relationship man we're gonna be working hey miss loretta so won't you take uh uh tag them do whatever you got to do to get them all right loretta's drawing joining us from detroit michigan all right she's in the house miss april hello we see you guys logging in letting us know you're logging in and like share let us know where you're joining in from hey you miss denise say latina sends her love okay latina oh yeah yeah yeah it was good seeing her too she grown up session grown up i ain't seen that when you see them who you saying miss latina i mean miss um denise i ain't seen well we seen a picture that's what you talk about the picture she's talking about now denise yes tell my little mama yes where she talked to her she was at the church i told you when oh you did tell me you seen him i didn't see him that's right yes she's uh she's in high school oh yeah i'm not ready for that she's in high school i'm not ready but i can't believe it let me see what she said she going to high school i can't believe that she's already in high school but let's see miss darlene says she loves my hair yeah i'm gonna leave it out for maybe another week then it's gonna go back up hey tracy call you i'm still calling y'all every week every week we're on here i'm calling we're gonna stay connected amen yes amen amen amen what up tracy hey amen amen listen it's time to work on our relationship we're excited every time we get together you know we learn some principles some tools that help us navigate through difficult times in our relationship and even if we're not going through a difficult time in our relationship it gives us the information that we need so that we can be able to just build on what we've already invested in in relationships is all about what you put into it so listen it's not about whether you're married whether you're single whether you're dating this about the principles that you can apply in every area of your life yes hey miss christine she's watching from chicago from um dr richard and ledecia holmes church all right frederick's in the house hello um erica from lakeland florida i see you in the house i niez i see you so yes pasta terry what are we talking about tonight well you know we always say why don't we talk about talking about something good that's going to help us grow in every area of our life what you what you what whatever your facebook because i just took a little drink and i was and i was trying to try i was taking a little drink on my water a little sipping my water i was just getting ready i was getting in the mold getting ready oh i'm like he's wiping his face and stuff but okay but let's okay tell me what we're talking about what we're going to talk about let's let's go ahead and pray and then we'll get right into the information father in the name of jesus we thank you right now for this time that we have together father we thank you father for those who have ears to hear and heart to receive your word and principles that's going to take their life to another level father thank you right now for the information father that we will receive tonight hopefully there will be wisdom that would give us opportunity to make the necessary corrections father of building on the faith that we already have so that we can enjoy your best in every area of our life father we just thank you right now we declare that every spiritual need will be met we thank you for the platform you've given us to speak into the lives of so many people tonight in jesus name amen amen amen let's start off with our foundational text wait wait let me see who was on before i was praying because she prayed alone oh yeah yeah she said nimitz she told she didn't tell me she went to youtube oh okay i see kimber kimbra's watching she said we always always make a smile down right laugh out loud miss sonia i see you in the house so good to see you all and brother kevin i see you in the house as well so yes okay pastor i just want to catch up on anybody i had left off while he was praying because he's praying a long time today okay so is there anybody else you want you want to go through for before i get started i'm just saying because i'm like you're just going to kind of we talked about this lesson today it's going to be good let's let's let's look at our foundation stage let's use the scripture so we can launch from now the scripture foundation that we're going to talk about tonight is found in luke 14 chapter 28 very familiar passage and look what it says in verse 28 for which of you intending to build a tower sitting not down first and con with the cost but he has sufficient to finish it at least happily after he had laid the foundation and it's not able to be not able to finish so we see jesus is teaching a lesson on proper planning and you always need a strategy if you're going to meet your goals and when you start talking about that we want to talk tonight about just our time together strategies for building loving relationships you know you can be in a relationship but it's going to be it's going to it's it's going to be a result of what you invest in it every relationship has the potential to be fulfilling if you're willing to make the necessary investment though i don't care where you're in your relationship i don't care where you at in your single state i don't care where you at when you're dating if you understand the principles that you can apply in your life it would allow you to have an enjoyable experience in in that state amen so what happens is you cannot let the devil come in because you don't have the proper information and rob you of this season of being single and now all of a sudden you have great relationships and all of a sudden because you're not properly focused and understand the truth and the foundation of the word the devil comes in and still the most wonderful season that you're gonna have then some of y'all may have found the right person and you're dating and you know y'all building this foundation well listen if you don't got the proper information on the proper foundation then at the same time you know y'all are not gonna be able to build on something that you can really enjoy and then those of us who are married we've already made the commitment you know listen we didn't went inside they didn't close the door behind us and put the chains on you know what i'm saying so we can't get out we locked in this thing you know so we're committed to it so we might as well enjoy the journey and so now that we're in this relationship we're in this marriage now all of a sudden we got to get the necessary tools so we can enjoy it god wants us to enjoy every relationship that we experience but when he talks about he says sit down number one the first thing is sit down disassociate from your emotions to determine the plan of actually this is not an emotional thing yeah this is talking about sit down get control of your emotions detach from your emotions so you can get a good plan of action uh the second thing he says is count the cost make the assessment of what's needed to get to your desired result what is it going to take for this relationship to arrive at the place that you want it to be and then the last thing is make a decision to reach your goal to be modern and not more more more you want to be moderate and not the bible say that uh uh uh and they begin to build and what's not their defense they begin to mock him saying this man began to build what they think you don't want to be uh uh you want to be marvelous you don't want to be mocked so what happens is a lot of times people love talking about people relationships i'm telling you what you gotta get around get away from people that's just negative there's always ten down people relationships if they're around you and they talking about somebody relationship believe me when you ain't around they talking about yours too they do not change their habits just because you're not around if they talking about people while you're around believe me you're probably getting talked about too so you have to begin to understand uh uh how to deal with this and the scripture says now seven seven ten to three sixteen all scripture is given by inspiration go ahead and profitable for doctrine for reproof for correction you know so our time together is to expose us to biblical principles concerning relationship and how to apply those principles in our relationship whether it's marital friendships personal even in our careers etc we have to have the proper foundation in the proper principles to know how to apply in our life you know uh relationships are very fragile and they must be handled with care those of you who are married y'all know what i'm talking about relationships i don't care how good is your relationship been you can take one moment and mismanage that situation and everything that you work for for three four years building on you can throw it away and have to start all over again so great relationships are very fragile so you have to understand now that uh um when we get a revelation on relationships and we build a proper foundation then it's so that we can protect ourselves our feelings our uh our future and then all of a sudden we can develop the fortitude to be able to run the course successful so that we can have god's best so normally there when we go into a relationship there are certain things that relationship is supposed to produce so when we go into a relationship there are three basic uh internal human needs that a relationship should fulfill number one is what love love no no it's not just romance but it could be it's not just romance but a decision from others to genuinely care for and intimately relate to you so we talk about love not love it's not just you being intimate most people that don't have a good definition or don't have a good understanding of love they think love is all about just you know intimacy but no no love is to be cared for in an intimate manner conversating with on an intimate level you know and you have to get to a point where you have to understand what's required many of you are in a relationship but you don't even know what to expect and you don't even know what your spouse is expecting but when you want relationship every relationship has to be able to provide an atmosphere of love yes the next thing is a relationship needs acceptance and then if you don't know what love is you can go sunday i i see your pastor talk about love she explained everything you need to know about what love is and how to show love so yeah no i think that's a great point i listen to son this message and uh she's been teaching on this it's going it's really very good sunday was very very uh uh um inspiring everything uh very very uh uh what's where are you looking for i'm trying to find a word that was very uh encouraging encouraging thank you very encouraging and he gave a clear definition uh and it made us really evaluate ourselves too right right and how if you you know in order for you to show love you have to treat others basically how you want to be treated when you showing love to others so um i like what brother kevin says love and putting others before yourself that's good kevin you're on the right track guys so the next one what's the first one is love the second one is the second one is acceptance acceptance is respect from others uh uh coupled with honesty loving communication so now acceptance is respect from others coupled with honest and loving communication you communicate but are you communicating with love right right so you got love and then you need acceptance and the next thing is security oh everybody wants to be in a secure relationship security uh um it's not money in the bank but the natural overflow of a predictable relationship knowing that other persons committed to you you have to know this other person is committed to you and see your predictability is all about dude accountability predictability breeds security see pasadena men have been married going on 20 years i'm i'm very predictable i'm very predictable you know sometimes sometimes i switch it up a little bit to kind of throw off you know i'm saying but pretty much unpredictable she's pretty much predictable and it's not because we know we we we walk a straight line and this net but it's like we want each other to feel comfortable and secure in a relationship if i say what i say i'm gonna do what i say you know and the thing about it is she can trust me even when i'm not in her sight eyesight and i think that's what happens here you have to have love you have to have acceptance and you have to have security most ladies get in relationships because they see somebody they like or he's nice but at the same time they don't have these three components that they need for the relationship to have long-term success i mean i'm not just saying women i mean men too men get a relationship because they see what they like and we're visual we see we like we like you know but i knew pasadena had all these qualities my first attraction was that girl bad man that's my name equality i mean i know it from a disney but i don't uh develop security with me but what i'm saying is we developed that over time during the time we became friends and began to talk and communicate we built that foundation right and that's what happened you can't be so quick to get to the altar and don't build the foundation because once you have your celebration you get married then after that now the real world right shows up so let's let's before you go to that you know you talking about this in the marriage setting yeah but this can also be applied say for those single people or single persons that are in friendship stage so in a friendship stage these same principles can be applied so you can actually work on it right now how you can actually have a loving relationship with your friend i mean a friend and family you know can you show love you know it don't have to be wrong it shouldn't be romantic but can you show love can you treat others like you want to be treated you know can you be show acceptance you know um be honest loving communicating with your friends with your family can you commute communicate positively can they trust you you know all those principles you know even though we have relationship matters and a lot of times we lean towards the relationship between couples but you always have to see how this can blend in with a single person a person in a single state or even within a family relationship so those are different ways that you can apply these principles in your everyday life but look at the definition on uh uh or not commission a marriage that is not meeting these three needs is considered a dysfunctional marriage knowing the other person's committed to you knowing that this other person is committed to you and not giving you these things this is a dysfunctional relationship right so now if you're you you put it in the contents of family family and friends so now if my family is not giving me the love except that security that i need then i'm in a dysfunctional fashion yes i mean i may have everything else but it goes to show you how valuable and interchangeable these principles is in every relationship so if you're single don't don't tune us out tonight if you if you're dating don't tune us out because it's principle that you can apply in every area of your life so what happens when my relationship began to evolve through life well now i'm in this relationship we're evolving through life you got those things go through different stages got those sports so let's talk about these things the first stage is probably most exciting that's the exorcist stage where you've been on my the stage of the initial response of the excitement and then i'll say you get excited about them i mean you don't see no wrong yes sometimes they can walk on water he is just so nice you know kevin didn't do that you know but he just he's so nice and he's thoughtful too that's what he always liked to talk and i mean i just i just like spending time with him you know and it ain't he's never too busy that's what i like about it he's never too busy i mean you know he's busy now because he's not he's handling his business but i'm telling when he comes down to me he always makes time for me and i just really really like that you know you don't see no wrong you know in this same way you know what man she's so sweet say this my dream girl i'll tell you now i'm telling you my dream this is my girl man yeah and so i was like that's cool because everybody like the exorcist stage so then after the exorcist stage it comes into the reality stage real reality the real thing what's really going on real is a part of the word but but that's when the blindfolds fall off and you begin to see the real person with all their thoughts and their imperfections oh my god that's not that's not a bad thing but at the same time it's an eye-opening thing and so now you're dealing with the reality the reality is like you know what um he you know he cool and everything but it's just that uh you know he's smacking you know he just you know he's sweet don't get me wrong he's nice he's sweet everything i said about it but a lot of times he don't let me get no worries and he talked he liked to work he stuck his teeth when we talked he was doing that he was doing he was doing it before but you didn't pay no attention to it what are you doing i'm just making those stuff there's someone out there second they tease hey but you ain't noticed that before you're in texas right hey man but then all of a sudden the reality now you got to start dealing with throughout you give them 90 days to show the true colors yeah so after that we got the reality now we're starting to see things right we're starting to see things it wasn't that they wouldn't now right but we just give an attention to detail oh yeah the detail look here and then all of a sudden it becomes the challenge stage the challenge stage is something happens of a detrimental nature that impacts the relationship and brings the relationship to the point of which you either disre uh dissolve the relationship it's over or you redefine the relationship and establish new guidelines for the relationship this determines the strength of your relationship so when you get to the exercise in the reality then the challenge day now what you gonna do you come across a roadblock i mean a road huh a hump in a row so you're either gonna throw in the towel what you say you don't work through it or you're gonna go on to the next next relationship you know but we just went compatible and sometimes that's the truth but at the same time it doesn't mean that you you you don't have the net if you develop the necessary tool you never know what kind of potential your relationship well you know me and i seem to be going get going be married 20 years and we had a whole bunch of opportunities to really throw in the topic we wanted to go down that road but because we commit yeah why are you saying like that like i'm saying i'm being transparent i'm being transparent anyway but anyway but we stuck with it look what the lord has done amen so it lets you know you can work through different things and then because we would have been blessed but we had great examples around us we had the word of god we had the principle that we can apply so that we can overcome situational circumstances right and then everybody will have to work through different situations because you're married an imperfect person and if you've been single for a while you're used to doing stuff your own way so then when you get this other person coming into the mix you like what i don't do it like that why i gotta check check with my spouse about what i want to do so it's an adjustment for everybody so that's why there's gonna be some challenging times within when you get married because you both having to adjust to having each other being being together with with another person she said i totally understand too because she's i've been married for 37 years here she heard me she's sad she testified she didn't work through something they didn't work through something yeah it is that's good so look let's look at it and then what's the fourth one we got the exorcist stage uh-huh the reality reality the challenge yeah now we at this point we got to make deal with these challenges and then the next day is decision or resolution so now what you're you gonna do we gotta say we gotta make a decision here is when you must get wise counsel and make mature decisions because your relationship depends on it i love romans uh 12-1 it says i beseech you brother that for the mercy of god you present your body as a living suffering holy self of god with your reasonable servant and do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by renewing your mind that you may prove what is good acceptable and the perfect will of god so you got to get your mind renewed now during the sports stage on this decision resolution that you can't function off your emotions you can't function on information that you hear and everybody talking about you know you may be in a good way you may be in a good relationship with a lot of potential but you may just have to work through some things in the beginning to lay the proper foundation it doesn't mean that y'all bump heads y'all disagree that it's time to throw the relationship away right it's like uh communicating with the intent to agree yes and if we do that we we build that type of communication in the beginning whether you can say something say yeah communicating with the intent to agree and not the get my point across or to make a point that's good yeah yeah cause a lot of times we communicate but you communicating because you want to get get something off your chest or you want to try to prove something but you always got to go into a discussion with the intent to agree so you can only do that though if you got a good self-image about yourself almost dead so look so it is our responsibility to look at romans 12 1 it said but it's our responsibility to work on you to develop a good self-esteem and a healthy self-image learn to love yourself listen to the word of god for yourself you have to work on yourself and your self-esteem before you can build self-esteem in others you got to have good self-esteem before you can build self-esteem right you have to know who you are and so let's look at this so when challenges got to get yourself together so when challenges occur in a dysfunctional relationship we normally go through the following stages so now you know challenges we're in a relationship so now we're going through these challenges so now let's look at some of the how do we if we don't got the word then we respond certain ways right right and so the first way is we're going to the secret stage and that's when we go out we go out and wait we go out of our way to keep everybody out of our business when you start having this you really when you start having a challenging relationship instead of you uh getting right and surrounding yourself with people that can help build you up and so into your life wisdom and good information and hold you accountable then all of a sudden you'd be uh you don't want nobody in your business and you go out of your way to make sure keep everybody a bit and they don't need to be you'll be no your mom and dad don't need to be knowing what's going on over here you know and then the second thing is the search stage that's when we you start trying to figure out your self-evaluation yeah how did this happen to me i gave him everything he wanted i gave her everything she wanted [Music] i've been faithful to him i left earl for him oh okay jesus now look here i am dealing with this so now you're searching for what happened why am i dealing with this and then the third stage of the shame stage you're surprised you're hurt you're embarrassed you can't tell nobody but now you're dealing that's what you're saying what's that frustration now you're dealing with this side of frustration you're dealing with this silent frustration because you're hurt you're disappointed you're embarrassed and now you're dealing with this silent frustration and that's not a good place to be solid frustration oh it's just a matter of time before you explode you know you know tell who you gonna explode on hey yeah that's what the brother of kevin just said what about that hold it in and then blow up stage that's part of their shame look here go to the next thing the next stage is the show show that's when you start pretending fronting around others and living alive and that's when the devil come in and start shooting these fire doors see that's when you become the you begin to pray see that's when a lot of us have gotten our oscars that's when they gave out awards for oscars for great acting great acting many of you have gotten out put put some thumbs up over them over the years if you've got you you've earned oscar in some previous relationship or even a relationship listen go ahead and put some thumbs up you say pastor i won my oscar years ago let me put my thumb up cause i had to ask one time boo i'll tell ya everybody has put on this front and bad relationship when we didn't have the proper tools and the information to navigate through them so we all have been a a a privilege of winning oscars along the way but we know how to put on this face and act and see but when you're in this place now all of a sudden the devil comes in with these fiery dots he comes in we look kevin kevin being honest with it come on now come on come on look here sharers i had several oscars he said look uh uh did these sales it was a sucker punch stage i didn't see it coming yeah we didn't see we didn't have those too yeah yeah but look here watch this now and then we're in this shame stage now i mean this show stayed this way the devil comes in he began to shoot these fires listen listen and i know some of y'all have experienced these fire doors look at this he got one of the fire doors that they'll say i'm the only one going through this you know and and this ain't gonna ever change i'm the only one going through this and this ain't going to ever change there's nothing new under the sun another fiery daughter maybe something is wrong with me i'm being punished for something i did you don't mean this to the devil he don't play fair he shoot all kind of fire door and then here's another maybe if i just ignore it it'll just go away no you got a deal that would say just ignore it don't worry about it don't even try to deal with it they tripping anyway just ignore it and then another one deals everybody knows what's going on and everyone is looking at me crazy you know how we get to the point we start we start thinking negative about ourselves and all of a sudden we thank everybody else so now let's look at so we look at all these stages here right so now let's look at it the big question is do you have what it takes to fix your relationship can you work it out do you have what it takes to fix your relationship or take your relationship to the next level well let's take the following test that's right we're about to take a test let's take the following tests to imagine whether you have the personality to have a positive relationship we're going to take the test now okay what's the first question okay first question for the test is uh um how much do you like yourself how much do you like yourself how much do you like because you gotta think about it when you look in the mirror do you like who you see i won't like others until i like myself first to the degree that i like or dislike myself it's the same degree that i believe others would like or dislike me so you got to have you got to get to a place where you got to work on self frederick say i love me some meat do you love you some you what i'm talking about that's what i'm talking you like you yeah you gotta get to the point where you got to love yourself see a lot of times i've seen people guilty of in relationships mad at the spouse because they won't make them feel you don't make me feel loved make your own self feel loved you make me feel good about myself do you think i like myself oh yes you like yourself yeah you love yourself you got a good self image about yourself do you like yourself okay very well let's say so many times we carry a false sense of security about ourselves and we think others see us the same way and it robs us of opportunities of great relationship and even blessings in life yeah sometimes we don't even feel like that we deserve something because of how we see ourselves sometimes we feel like we can't go forward in a relationship because how we self-self you know what i'm saying i like what kevin said you depend on others to make you feel good you don't need to depend on nobody to make you feel good yo are you are you sitting there you tell you you're in a relationship somebody telling my girl your my friend want to talk to you he want to meet you he wants you if you look over you'll be like hmm you're right he's tight you don't know if you're inside he said he wanted to meet you but your self-esteem about yourself you know we look in the bible we're seeing that moses knows the sent out of the group to go spot the land of kings and all of a sudden they went over this this is so good they went over there right you know sudden they spied out the land and they came back to report they say moses oh you was on it this time do you know that land is full of milk and honey what does it say i told you so i told you yeah he said now we want to go and get the last they tell me hold up i was but you know what oh he said look look look what he said they said i had my point right here where are you pointing where you putting my scripture right here right there look what it says look what it says in uh numbers 13 33 it said there we saw the giant the descendants of eight night came from the giants and we were like grasshoppers in our own site not they site right but in our own site they say and [Music] oh my god he said look you're in we we have already vouched that the it's it's it's good it's full of land of milk and honey everybody say the increase the relationship i put yeah all that's down but at the same time because of how i see myself i can't partake of it and that's what happens gotta change your perspective you got a good relationship but you can't even move forward in a relationship because you got a poor self image about yourself oh that's good that's good that's good uh uh so what's the next question how much responsibility are you willing to accept for your situation how much responsibility are you willing to accept i'm saying see once you get to a point it takes two fools to round but now so you got to you you have to take responsibility for your part look at why she's here man watch this yes good that's good there is a difference between blame responsibility and guilt blaming guilt point to the past responsibility points to the future responsibility keeps you pressing forward and doing what's required in a relationship blame will keep you looking backwards and fault in others remember marriage is a hundred percent commitment not 50 50. see if you're going to put up if you're going to go in go all in we're going to go hard let's go hard yeah we're going 100 why is it that you tell everybody no i'm gonna be in my business i'll tell you i'm gonna give you 110 but then when it comes down to your relationship you want to invest 50. you want to be you want a better fit i do it if you do it no i thought you was going to invest 100 because that's what that's the commitment that you made yeah you're going to have to give up yourself so that your relationship can grow so now uh um many times we hide behind excuses because our self-esteem won't allow us to embrace the truth of our disobedience a lot of time we hide behind uh excuses let's let's look at five five components of an excuse number one it's a crutch for the uncommitted an excuse excuse it's a crush but i'm committed you ain't committed so you make up excuses number two it's a cowardly way of being released from present obligations duties or responsibilities oh that's so good it's a cowardly way of being released from present obligation dude it's a responsibility the next one is it's your condition it's your conditioning to stay in your comfort zone you can't you you come with just staying in your comfort zone and the next one is yeah it steals it excuses still your integrity and then the last one is oh i love this one here excuses seeks the loophole to slip in a lie [Music] you make excuses you you make excuses just so you can slip in a lot and the sad thing about lying is you start lying you forget the lie you told you tell one lie okay then i said you you gotta tell another you get frustrated and then i'll say you want to lose it because you're self-destruct i'm just tired on this line you're just lying just becomes just habitual so look let's look at number two so the first one is uh uh how much you like yourself second is how much responsibility you wouldn't accept for your situation third question third question is how easy is it for you to forgive others very very how easy is it if somebody mess with you or do something to you are you able to forgive them or do you hold on to it you say hmm i remember that i'ma remember that forgiveness is a decision not to penalize or continue to punish a person for the offense it's a choice to walk in the god kind of love it may you may not like it but you have to walk in love in order for your faith to work so now you throw faith in that past here because that's the process all the promises of god are received by faith so now you have to understand now if i want to see my faith work because number one i'm upset about what you did i was offended i was hurt but i chose to forgive now i'm forgiving because it's a principle and i got to trust god to help me with this process right but i love god enough and i'm committed to you enough to work through this process but at the same time i ain't gonna tell you i ain't heard about it right but i'm not gonna penalize you a long way i'm gonna love god to deal with me and heal my broken heart heal the pain so that we can move forward and glorify god because this too shall pass that's it so then number four is what is the degree of positive expectation you possess what how positive are you about your spouse or the relationships you're in are you always talking positive and uplifting and encouraging oh is this oh you have a negative attitude do you look for the best in people or the worst in people are you critical of everyone and everything do you spend most of your time running down other people and criticizing them do you change i can't be around people that's negative and talk about people i can't i'm tell you that just grieves my spirit i can't be around that okay and if you're around then you and you okay with that then you develop the tolerance of it and i'm telling you it's just a matter of time we'll get down to your spirit gonna show up in your life don't show up at the abundance of the heart the mouth speaking so don't you say something negative about me and i hear you then i'll say when i call you on the club you talk about oh you know i was just playing though you wasn't it was in your heart who you hanging around that you think got to the point where you gossip and stuff like that it ain't around me you don't got like that around me anyway that's a whole nother thing are you willing to learn new ways and principles to enrich your relationship to know what to do and to have the proper tools to do it are both critical factors for your relationship success gotta put in some action amen amen so in order to repair a bad relationship or establish the proper foundation for a new one you first have to work on building your self-esteem and your self-worth so look what it says i love in uh psalms uh uh 139 and 13. for you were formed but for you for you farming for you fall on my inner parts you covered me in my mother's womb i will praise you for i am fearfully and wonderfully made marvelous all your works and that my soul knows very very well you got to understand you've been involved loves you you were creating his image and his light you got to have a good set if you it that is such a disrespect to god for him to take the time to create you like you are special unique set apart and then all of a sudden you don't like the way you look or you don't like the way you feel wow and god said look why do you feel like that when i'm sitting in i'm just marveling and i wonder for you all so you got to get in this word and get your mind ready gotta know who you are how do i do that then seven let's look at let's look at seven seventeen principles to implement in our life and then we're gonna wrap it up okay number one is uh eliminate all negative destructive criticism of persons listen get away from the people that's being negative and criticizing everything yeah people that's in your life that's criticizing you get rid of them i like what sharon said you are what you're around so they negative and criticizing hey that's what you're gonna do uh uh uh and then when you're talking to people start conversations out by using something good about the person saying something good about prayer practice finding something good to say about the person and then begin to praise them you know you think you need something good instead of saying something about somebody find something good ladies y'all can do that y'all so good at that y'all can be sitting there talking about something you even know nobody i'm saying me and tina's been at the mall we haven't been doing stuff with people like ooh i just love your hair you know and she'd be like thank you where did you get that from oh i just loved it and then you know you should talk about your outfit or some anyway ain't nobody talking to you amen i stole it anyway number two is uh be agreeable avoid arguing with people yes proverbs 15 and 1 says the message the message bible uh in proverbs 15 1. a gentle response diffuses anger but a sharp time so try to understand the other person's point of view without arguing decide to talk in a civil time civil and do not use volume if you have to use volume your argument is weak why are we getting louder i know your argument we if you can't talk like you normally talk dna but you know you ever heard you ever heard people be arguing and i'm saying y'all i say hurry people like y'all we even experience it listen you start and i said the argument started getting heated and also the volume go up i keep this tall all the time i don't like to say argument i'd like to say discussion we've had years of all of it yeah we have discussions that get kind of heated because i have i'm always right and you don't see it my way so when you don't see it my way i'm trying to force you to see it my way voice that's that's the word i was looking for force so i'm trying to force him to see what i mean i'm trying to communicate to him why you should see it my way why my way is right and then we don't get it's like okay let me talk a little louder so you can understand the words that's coming out of my mouth but see think about it though in reality though that's true though because and then in my response would be come on quit hollering at me you don't need me i'm like i'm not bothering you like a kid i'm not no kidding don't follow me just explain you know the response would be won't take responsibility for it but you always say this is just my tone this is how we always talk with other people you don't talk to them like that but then i'll say you want anyway y'all stop we rallied about some stuff that happened in the past okay the next one was number three accept the person who communicate acceptance by smiling and body language you know what i'm saying yes you know you're sitting now you're dealing with a person your body language you can say i didn't say nothing wrong did i say it but your attitude your facial expression says i'm totally different like you was like ticked off yeah so yo what are you communicating what is your body telling that person yeah yeah you got your love language and then you got your angry language you got love like where i already know i already know you're feeling me right now but then all of a sudden i already know that other body language you ain't trying to you don't even don't even come this way i already know so number one was eliminate all the negative destruction and this is the seven self-esteem principles to implement in your life so number one was eliminate all the negative destructive criticism of a person and number two be agreeable avoid arguing with a person and number three accept the person everybody wants success communicating acceptance by smiling with your body like and number four is express appreciation to the person use words like thank you i love you yes hello don't use words like hello you always you always when i see you speak hello how you doing how was your day yeah yeah i love you hey sweetheart you look nice today thank you compliment me you know yeah that's how we because i love me yes and i think that's just the way you came i don't know it's right what happened what happened to that somebody was mad at us for talking about that now yes we back on but i don't know what happened so let's go ahead and start wrapping up yeah we gotta wrap it up because i don't know what you have to do is show admiration for the person those you admire begin to show your admiration for them but also recognize qualities you see in yourself yes you know feel good about yourself you know what i'm saying you know i'm always encouraging myself you know what i'm saying you know terry this is what you got to do today this is what you're going to do amen you know tear this one what terry what are you doing good dear look terry look look i'm telling you that oh that's nice booty ooh that's nice what you ain't right there that's gonna be i always take care of myself i'm just saying that's it i i think i always want the best for terry i always want the best materials i'm always encouraging terry you know tear gear make bad potato listen now let's rethink that thing yeah and the same way that's what you have to feel about yourself but then also also you have to care for people that you love around you okay number six is express your approval of the person public admiration really magnifies and impacts a person the other person needs to feel that they are valuable in your life begin to praise the person immediately and and be specific about what they did that you appreciated you know even though uh we get so comfortable with each other you got to go out of your way to let people know you appreciate it you know your husband say you know what baby i never want you to cook nights i picked up dinner you know appreciate him thank you i'm saying give him a hug you know what i'm saying that means a lot you know mm-hmm and so uh tina tell me stuff like oh baby i appreciate you you know what i'm saying and i'll be like thank you hey man then sometimes i make me want to go do something else you know because next time you know you know she's gonna be thank you oh you're so sweet that i said it just keep increasing you know and then i just keep saying how you imagine that's how you come back and then by the time you realize before that's that appreciation that went to a whole nother level but i'm saying you gotta get to a point where you have to learn to invest in each other yes yeah so i think that i think as we again all of us are guilty of building good self-image about ourselves we always want to put the pressure on the relationship but really we got to put the pressure on us because we are the result of the relationship that's it and we have to you know what we put in it is when we get out the relationship so yeah you want your spouse to be proud of the relationship they're in they want to look at you and be like you know what without you saying anything they just say you know what i just love you i'm just i'm just who you just you have been a blessing to my life you know what i'm saying you don't want to be like what'd you say what you want what that what you want then no you want you want to know that and even when you buy yourself you got to think like you know what i'm just i just thank god just a blessing and that's what happens in relationship when you really value you put in the work and you see the fruits of your life then y'all can enjoy it let's not just pray that over each and every version yesterday let's get an agreement let's get that agreement with him yes let's get an agreement concerning your relationship wherever whatever state you're in whether you're single whether you're dating whether you're married we want to get an agree with you for a good self image of good for the grace of god to fall upon your life and you to begin to operate in these principles so that your life can go to whole another father in the name of jesus we thank you right now father we get an agreement father for every listener tonight father concerning this journey that they're on in this stage that they're in while i think you right now those who follow and enjoy this stage of life where they have just really enjoyed the fruits of their life but father increase them to another level fulfilling the father in the name of jesus father those who are working through difficult situations right now give them the grace father to make it through father give them the peace that passes all the understanding and as they begin to apply these principles father begin to confirm your word with signs following and we declare for that they'll make righteous decisions on a consistent basis so their relationship will glorify you in jesus name amen amen but first thing i want you to do i want you to receive jesus as your lord and savior why is that important because now you get to tap into all these powerless promises that god has for you and the bible says a simple process romans 10 9 say if you confess tomorrow believe me your heart god raises from there you shall be saved it's a simple decision but it's a decision that will change your life but ever so listen if you're in the process of trying to navigate through life let me make sure you're on the right team so i want you to repeat this prayer for me say i know without jesus i'm lost i know what i do for something i don't want to be lost i don't want to be lost i want to be saved i want to be saved i believe jesus died for myself holy jesus died for my sins and he rose again coming to my heart amen amen listen if you prayed that prayer for the first time look we excited we we celebrate your heaven is rejoicing right now and we just want to put your name in the comment column so we can begin to just celebrate you tonight we want to love on you and let you know that god has a plan for your life and he's right there waiting for your participation so you can get involved in your situation but also i want you to uh uh go to uh new light nlc or text nlc journey to seven one four four one also she's gonna put up the uh the slate information because i want you to go and i want you to uh do you have it yeah i want you to like that i want you to connect go to newlife.org nlc journey and look connect with us because now we you're on this journey and you got a whole support team there waiting to connect with you minister to you make sure that your spiritual needs are met and you're getting all the answers that you need help you navigate uh through your situation and i'm telling you we want to get an agreement to pray for you but i know god i want we want to see you have god's best so you got a whole team that's supporting you we just need you to call so we can connect with you amen amen amen well you know what time it is it's not time to log off now you've been in there we've been we've been getting uh um here in the world we've been incurred now it's time to sow a seed hey man let's sort of see what based on the word that we heard tonight let's be encouraged let's begin the source c because we believe that we're going to sow a seed toward our relationship those of you who are single let's see towards your single state amen believe that the bible say the steps of a good man are ordered by lord let's believe that god is ordering yourself so now uh i want everybody to sort of see release your faithful seed of of twenty dollars amen those of you who are married you know release your paper see the 50 dollars man palestinian you know we always give a hundred dollars why don't we get burned out because we are always expecting more from god the bible says how you measure it out it's going to be measured back to you god said he gives seed to the soul so we always don't sow a hundred dollars because we believe it for more amen and so listen i just want to encourage everybody to sort of see tonight and if you have any questions post your questions because before we go off we're going to try to answer any questions that you have but uh i hope you're not blessed by the information tonight but you got anything you got any announcement well let me give them the different ways they can sell their seeds for tonight so here are the different ways that you can give you can give by going online to newlight.org give or you can text new light to 71441 and you can sow your seat that way you can give by going to the gimplify app um look up new light church one five three five green smart drive and you can give that way or you can go to in fellowship and that's for members go to newlight.org members you can give that way you can go by give by going to paypal um it's at new light church and then you can give by zell and that's give at newlight.org and you can melody in a po box 670167 houston texas seven two six seven or you can drop it off by the church office at our north location at one five three five greens mark drive houston texas seven seven zero six seven so those are different ways that you can give and um if you give by um and you can get by cash app that's the dollar sign new light church all one word no spaces and make sure you put new light church on it all together and you can give that way and you can put in the comment section relationship matters or rm but if you don't see that option you can just put it in an offering amen we're just in agreement for every seed that was sown tonight yes amen if it's only if you so you see say see something amen both everybody's asking what was number seven it was only six points and we apologized we said seven but it was only six yes everybody's asking like what was number seven what was number seven it's the only six separate things yes i get seven next week i give you number seven next week i'm like we got a number seven we only came with six i think what i had well i think i probably had another page when i printed and i didn't press oh you didn't have space for another one you had enough space on your point so okay i see yes sister henry to say she's in the house what's up sister henrietta i've seen sister henrietta i seen sister um lois turner yes uh i'm trying to remember who else i seen earlier i don't remember who else i've seen yes they say you were forgiven for not giving them seven guys do we have any questions alicia spells says alicia flowers while i went way back to spells felicia flowers saying see some favor for longevity and man last marriage hey i corrected it instantly yeah but yes seed song i see your comments and then um somebody asked the question about um oh somebody asked a question about how how long we've been married i think you have talked about it we've been married 19 years it'll be 20 years in february look what the lord has done jesus what you have ever known yes the poults hey pope family what up david what up how that baby doing how big is he now i know how she he he how big is he now yes he's a little new one running in the house he ought to be about you are loved in san antonio texas yes lord san antonio how are y'all doing what's up tony yo thank you for the love yes we haven't been to san francisco how big the baby is like six months no it's been over six months because he had him like in the beginning of the fam pen didn't make it pope how how how old is he he should be about 12. he's walking okay okay so he about nine is he how old is what you say you say six months i say about nine months nine months i'm gonna go up to seven i'm gonna go up to seven uh uh i'm saying six no seven poke hole hey alithea i see you in the house what's up miss alithea what's up how old is he pope seventh six months eight months i know you're walking they start walking about what age uh it depends he may start working walking when he was like seven months thirteen i said 12. so i was close you said 12. uh-huh keep l.a in in our in your prayers yes amen amen amen yes l.a louisiana yes yes yes yes you pray for the right state i know when she said l.a i was like l.a what's happening in l.a but yes we have to keep our our um louisiana family in our first most definitely i had a couple of friends i've been trying to check on i haven't heard back from them yet so we just pray that they're safe they just cover the whole state of louisiana yes surrounding areas with the word of god we believe that no harm or danger shall come near him in jesus name amen yes and we believe that the lights come back on soon because i understand several of them are without lights as well so yes yes yes what up terrance yes so it is time it is eight o'clock it's eight o'clock we did good because you was getting a little long-winded he was like 15 50 minutes into it i was like we are still going strong but look how we did that yeah good okay i am ready to eat my stomach got a little growl in it i don't know what they were you ain't hearing that i thought that was the one you ain't no no wrongly we miss you guys too you guys have to come to the north location so we can so i can see little mama i can't believe being humble yes you have to come to the north that's close to you one five three five greensboro drive yes what up zach zack zack you're in town where you at jackie came in late good night tech was in where zach where you at you're in louisiana soon y'all you're in houston where are you zach zach was going to school in louisiana and i'm actually thinking about it we will soon all right miss denise i'll be looking for you got my number text me when you come so i can see my girl zach where are you jack where you at man let us know where are you all right but listen hey we have enjoyed our time together uh zach said houston for now all right what the family everybody good the family everybody good your sister she home she in houston too hey man i'm gonna call you in a minute after we get out i know how we're trying to talk to exactly the computer everybody's like we don't know who's that is y'all came on late betty well that's all right the good thing about facebook live is after we call it log off you can go back and watch it again so even though you're logged in late i've seen you uh felicia you said alicia felicia at least you said you logged in late but that's all right you know you can watch it later yeah yeah yeah hey well listen we got good weather over here tonight so we're going to go hit these streets go find us we're coming to the north okay folks i'll see y'all all right pope yes make sure y'all y'all get to know y'all make sure y'all highlight yes make sure you text me and let me know so i can come see my baby i ain't seen them since 13 weeks what's his name what's his name tell me his name he told me let me see let me see she told me before and i said it before i can't even think of it now cause you just asked me for it corey all right yes that's that's somebody's name no his name is corey yes right tell me if i'm right y'all is it corey i don't just got a jet all right kimberly it's good to see you yes there she go corey see all right you all it's real thank you all for tuning into relationship matter and remember your relationship master god god bless you enjoy the rest of your night amen see you next tuesday

Channel: New Light Church

Views: 229

Rating: 5 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: BsE6knj6-r8

Length: 62min 47sec (3767 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 31 2021